Twitter is hot. If the internet were high school, Twitter would totally be the knock-out cheerleading prom queen. You can’t turn on the news without hearing requests to Twitter the station your thoughts. Stores offer Twitter only discount codes. There’s the CNN/Kutcher race to gain a million followers. There’s Hugh Jackman’s promise to donate 100k to one individual’s favorite non profit, provided the person convinces him of their worthiness in one tweet. There are over 8 million people twittering. Even my husband is contemplating creating an account, and he’s always the last on board.
It’s an interesting place, Twitterville. I was hesitant to join— it’s hard enough to find decent subject matter to write on my blog, never mind interesting 140 character updates. But I succumbed, and I can see why people like it. It’s a fantastic networking tool. It’s a great place to get instant opinions on any number of topics, and to spew out fleeting thoughts. I have a tendency to keep e-mail correspondences going for way too long, always wanting to have the final word even if it’s just an emoticon. With Twitter, I don’t feel the need to respond to everything and I don’t get offended when people don’t respond to me. It’s fast moving and fluid and a great way to meet new people. And one of the greatest things is the ability to unfollow those new people in an instant if they piss you off.
Last night, I received an aggressive e-mail from someone I recently unfollowed inquiring as to the reasons I unfollowed her. The fact that she bombarded me with that question solidified my decision, but for her (and you,) here goes… The people I’m sure to unfollow:
1. The Twitter Addicts: You know, the ones who post a constant stream of tweets, every minute or two throughout the day. The people whose icons totally monopolize my screen and prevent me from seeing anyone else. What do these people do? Do they have jobs? Lives? Apparently Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer for being addicted to Twitter and I can see why. It’s annoying as hell.
2. The Auto Message Senders: Please don’t thank me for my follow and tell me how much you look forward to getting to know me. It’s a surefire way to guarantee that you won’t because I unfollowed you the minute I got the message. Tweet me or send me a personalized message or just ignore me. Please.
3. The Sketch Balls: Folks who follow thousands and have no updates or followers themselves, but want access to the inner workings of my head? No thank you, they get blocked from my updates.
4. The Pimps: People who do nothing but promote their own cause. Sure, I post links to my blog when I have a new post, and I’m fine when other people do the same. But people who do nothing but pimp themselves? I don’t want to see that.
5. The Lazy Bones: If you haven’t updated in six months, I’ll probably unfollow you. Nothing personal, but what’s the point?
6. Annoying Famous People: Celebrities who send public kisses to each other all day long. As fascinating as I find celebs, I prefer to read about them in US Weekly. On Twitter, they are a bit too much like “us” and I find it irritating rather than endearing.
7. The “Follow you, Follow me” folks: Have you ever been followed by someone only to follow them back to be unfollowed? How rude is that? Two can play that game, so consider yourself dumped.
8. Social Media Experts: What qualifications do these people have? I have a blog, a Facebook account etc. Maybe I should start calling myself an expert? Would you all buy that? Exactly.
9. The Overshare-ers: Twitter is innately narcissistic. Are any of us really as interesting as we think we are? Probably not. But do you really think that people want to know about the zit on your forehead or the dump you just took? Maybe they do, but I don’t.
10. The Sunshine Spreaders: Maybe I’m too jaded, but having messages constantly pop up that tell me to smile and love life make me want to punch the computer screen. Perhaps that’s my problem though.
Edited to add the following, because this list would be incomplete without and I wish I’d thought of them at six o’clock this morning…
11. The Bible Quoters: {Inspired by Barefoot Foodie} You love Jesus. You know Bible passages. A lot of people do, but is Twitter really the place to profess that? All day long? Not for me.
12. The Number Seekers: {Inspired by Marinka} “I need 876 followers to reach 1,000!! Please re-tweet!!!” And… what’s the point of doing this for you? Tweet something of substance and your numbers will grow. Keep doing this and they won’t. Or at least they shouldn’t.
13. The Contest Whores: Bloggers often offer an extra entry for their contest for tweeting it. There are many people who do nothing but tweet about contests, all day long. I believe these people should disqualify from that extra entry because they rarely have followers and the whole point is to gain visibility. And also they’re really irritating. A new laptop might be worth entering, but a box of two dollar breakfast bars? Not so much.
I might be willing to let you slide if you only possess one of the above, especially if you offer me some value mixed in (or if you’re hot, Ashton.) But, two or more and you’re history. And I won’t miss you one bit. And thank you, annoying woman for inspiring a blog post– I was stumped on what to write about today. Now I’ll go and Twitter about it. And you won’t even know, because I blocked you. So there.
{Love Twitter? Read my Twitter tips!}
{ 188 comments… read them below or add one }
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I don’t twitter… have no idea how to do it… yet I keep getting emails that I have a new follower? how is that possible?
I have an account but have never used it…
never mind… I will go look it up. Look at you with your 100+ comments… you go girl…
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This is great!! Finally a post about Twitter that I agree with !
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Stitches
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I agree with every single thing you said, and I’ll also add that if you have no avatar uploaded, changes are good that not only will I not follow you, I’ll probably block you, too.
corrin’s last blog post..Saturday Morning at the Repair Shop
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GREAT post!
Rachael’s last blog post..Normal is relative
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A-MEN!!! I’m not that good at Twitter, but I couldn’t agree more! You are so funny!
Have a good weekend – Kellan
Kellan’s last blog post..I Wonder If It’s Raining In The Big Easy?
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Ummm…got here from twitter. :)
Twitter addicts–I actually had to unfollow someone I like because of that very problem–every couple minutes there was another message from her. I just do not have the time.
Also–I recently had a bunch of (made up?) people follow me who appeared to be promoting some organice dog food. What is up with that?
Gila’s last blog post..Two Random Bits
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Agree with the entire list, especially #8. You are a “social media expert” and you want to listen to my food tweets? Why?
Heidi from Savory Tv’s last blog post..Chefs Speak: Obsessed Tv interviews Eric Ripert
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AMEN!!!!!!
moggit girls’s last blog post..Dirty Minds vs. Clean Hands
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So I guess you found out about me and @TheEllenShow:)
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Stesha’s last blog post..I Better Not Drop The Soap
Twitter: SteshaSimsSays
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I can’t tell when you’re updating anymore… hmmmmm.. .and I’ve been blog lazy lately…
anyhoo… I joined Twitter…but have never Tweeted… Twitted?? I guess maybe I’m not a Twit? It’s just one letter away from a very naughty word you know…
I have resisted, and will continue to resist.
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I’m a bad Twitterist, but I think that’s because I haven’t really gotten the hang of it yet.
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I only use Twitter to keep up with a few close friends. I really don’t care who follows me or not (outside of those friends, of course) and I’m still very confused why people I don’t even know would follow me. Your post was excellent!
Mrs4444’s last blog post..New Kids
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I like twitter…and the challenge to say things in a short amount of words. Because I’m a word-whore. But I can’t stand people who over-twitter…twitterrhea? Then those who never twitter…twitterpated?!
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Ha! Finally a list I won’t find myself on since I still don’t embrace the twitter:)
debbie’s last blog post..Who, Me?
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Thank you for relieving the guilt. I feel like high school again sometimes, I don’t follow many, but I don’t want someone who tweets about nothing every 10 minutes!!!
AlbanyMommy’s last blog post..Free ice cream
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Amen to that sister!! I couldn’t have said it better. I love Twitter, but the above things/users recently contributed to my recent Twitter burnout and subsequent Twitter abandonment… though it only lasted for a few days – but in Twitter terms, that’s a long time, isn’t it? ;-)
Elisa’s last blog post..Giveaway suspended
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I agree. I also have unTweeted creepy people, the smutty porn people and people I am just not so sure about. My kids are twittering now and if someone seems like a pedophile, I unTweet them from my kids.
WidneyWoman’s last blog post..Moving Up
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Funny, I just came from another post somewhat about Twitter. I didn’t want to Twitter before and don’t even more now :) Is it like bittersweet or something???
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Errr..I’m pretty sure I fall into a majority of these categories…particularly the TMI….so you may just want to unfollow me like NOW! :)
Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Links for 2009-04-17 [Digg]
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I’m totally an addict. Someone once emailed me and said, I’m unfollowing you b/c you twitter too much. Um, okay. Just unfollow me. You don’t need to email me to tell me why.
jodifur’s last blog post..Michael Would Be A Very Good Suburban HouseWife
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This is SUCH a perfect list to follow!
Shelle-BlokThoughts’s last blog post..Serious Sunday: Melancholy
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Fantastic. I couldn’t agree more!
Pocklock’s last blog post..Because I Never Want To Forget
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Great post!! I dropped AL ROKER because he makes about 10-15 tweets every morning about the weather – ALL OVER THE COUNTRY – Ugh.
krystyn’s last blog post..~I love quotes!~
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I have one to add: The ones who take Twitter as replacement for existing Services. Asking banalities solved in seconds using a search engine, Wikipedia or Others. “I am to lazy, I let work others for me….!
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you are truly a twitter inspiration. i admire your detachment and would like to buy your handbook.
;)
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I am just now learning twitter……..there is so much to take in!!! Thanks for the help
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I am proud to say that I don’t feel that I fit in any of the above categories.
I consider myself a smart ass tweeter. I like to read what other people twitter and send a smartass response back to them.
Someone really sent you an email wondering why you unfollowed them? Who gives a shit? Somebody needs a life……
tattooedminivanmom’s last blog post..Thank You For Pointing That Out To Me Son…
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I’m a new convert to twitter-land and I can absolutely see and understand the truth and relevance of this list. I’ve already had to block a spam-follower, so disappointing.
BonnieBelle’s last blog post..Bee Season: Spell Communication
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I have a life! I swear I do!
Seriously though, I probably fall into the “twitter addict” category. I work at the computer (from home) so it’s kind of there all the time so I like to think that’s why I use it so often – not because I come from a long line of addictive personalities ;)
Bec’s last blog post..Our big day
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Thanks for all the info….how else is a girl to know? Your twitter updates are great and I do click thru sometimes to your posts which is convenient.
Twitter: AprilSells
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And thank you for reconfirming why I don’t Twitter … yet.
Jenners’s last blog post..5 Things I Wouldn’t Know or Do Without The Little One
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all very true— ummm am i following you on twitter??
I need to change that ASAP! I love your posts and would love to tweet with you about contests and inspiring bible quotes lol jk
PS- the inspiration people kill me too.. sometimes i like to bitch— and honestly, i dont care to be inspired to be more positive. lol
Twitter: complicatedmama
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I’m very new to this whole twittering thing, but seem to have experienced just about every one of those annoying egocentric attempts at glory. Sad, eh?
I initially signed up to keep up with family and friends in other states. It’s a good source for those of us in the military realm.
Although it does have its faults, I can honestly say I have found some of the most interesting mom bloggers in the world through twittering, and I wouldn’t change knowing them for the world.
I guess one has to take the good with the bad, and just weed out the ones who lean more toward the ugly side of life.
Great post!
Angela
Angela Mccoy’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings Week 324
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All good reasons to dump people. I think it is worth noting (two day late and two dollars short? ;) that an applet like TweetDeck makes all the difference for how “into” twitter one can get. It is impossible to follow without some help.
That said….. man, I love it! :)
amysprite @Bitchin’ Wives Club’s last blog post..Oh, snap! And you realize all over again why you love them all so much.
Twitter: theBitchinWife
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I too am a Twitter addict. Have to tweek and tweek all day!
Brownie Power’s last blog post..Oreo Crunch Brownies
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I LOVED your article. so true. Ashton you gave Twitter a lot of publicity but I was following you before and it is getting boring…self promotion at its best. And getting Oprah to Twitter..pleasssse. Is it not enough she has a talk show, website, her face smiling from her magazine. Social Media Experts?? Put me on that list, I earned the title, I work it, live it I live a SM life because I own a dating service. No this is not a plug, I do not need one but hey I have been on the net for 10 years so I think seniority counts right. Thanks for an enjoyable read!!
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LOL Good post! And you can use this for the spammers…
http://www.filmsite.org/wavfiles/planetofapes.wav
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Great post! I agree completely. In fact, I unfollowed some people this morning for just the reasons you mentioned.
Cathy’s last blog post..A Case of the Mondays
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And what the heck is a social media ‘guru’ … seriously, right?
good post.
evan blackerby’s last blog post..I’ll punch you in the face…
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Love the article, but don’t forget about the TwitterFeed people who will digg or whatever 20 articles out at once.
In addition, there are those people who follow you and speak another language. Why do you want me to follow you if I don’t understand you?
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And what about those sending constant Direct Messages about the stupid twitter “affiliate” marketing machine?! Ugh!! It’s just a networking marketing ploy.
Anyways, loved your post!! :)
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Oops..I meant multi-level marketing ploy.
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American in Norway wrote
“I don’t twitter… have no idea how to do it… yet I keep getting emails that I have a new follower? how is that possible?
I have an account but have never used it…”
The same thing happened to me. In case you’re still wondering, here’s how it happens. When someone new signs up, twitter checks their email lists to see if there is a match with any twitter users. If so, it suggests they start following. Many people just click OK.
onscrn’s last blog post..Only Three More Shopping Days Until DNA Day! Save Big!
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100% agree with you. The only problem is combing through the mass of followers to remove the offenders!
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I agree 100 percent and love the comments too. I remember people making fun of me blogging and tweeting, as I too consider myself an online vet–10 years old ;) But one thing about Twitter that I love is the fact that someone tweeting in a foreign lang. challenges me to use my online translator to communicate with them in their native lang. This bugs my friend that I tweet back in their lang., but I told her, just tonight, then unfollow me :)
Great read!
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Jill, by far, this is the best Twitter insights I’ve come across so far. Although I should warn you that I have pretty limited exposure to such writings. I didn’t care much about Twitter when I joined early last year, because it sounded more like an introverted, self-absorbed blabbing to me at that time. I hadn’t come across any twitter apps that would get me tweets automatically, and you’ve got to admit that twitter.com, itself, without the variety of APIs and apps, is pretty much meaningless and useless. I started using twitter again over a month ago, and now I’m using it with multiple applications, and now I can see the potential more clearly. I’ve been meaning to write up my own views of Twitter, but considering your wonderful roundup, I’m not so sure anymore. Please keep writing. Just goes on to show how powerful is the social media! All the best!
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Wow, great article. I find a lot of what you said is so true. Twitter is about truly valuing the relationships & conversations that go on. And too often, people get caught up with “making money online,” or getting more followers, etc. that they forget to use twitter for what it should be used for.
Thanks for sharing!
Daniel
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Sound advice…nice post
brian’s last blog post..Our Sunday Afternoon Trip to Africa
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great list! another I have encountered a few of, are people who set RULES for their followers.. “please read XYZ before following me” types. I was “blocked” and scolded by somebody the other day because I retweeted her.. how bizarre! I cried myself to sleep that night ;-)
Nick’s last blog post..The Wall Street Journal: The Culture of Taiwan
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Great article Jill! Another I’d add to the mix is the “Troll” or the “Hater”. These are the people who like to trash others on Twitter or on people’s comment threads. I like to try and give everyone a chance, but mean people don’t last long on my follow list :)
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