Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
I said goodbye to my summer babysitter last week and it was heartbreaking. As I bid her farewell, I subtly suggested that she could learn far more with us than during four years at college. She laughed it off, but I was dead serious. Higher education is so overrated, don’t you think? To help convince her to stay, I’ve come up with some of the top things you learn in college. Since she’s already mastered them, there seems to be no reason at all to attend. Makes sense, right?
How to peacefully coexist with a roommate. After pretty much living with my children this summer, rooming with anyone would be a pleasure cruise.
Disease control. She’s done an exemplary job at keeping lice, colds and flu’s at bay. Pretty much the same goes for STDs: Keep body parts belonging to dirty strangers away from your own.
How to prepare your own food. She’s mastered the art of crafting the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mac and cheese, too. Along with cereal and frozen yogurt this is pretty much rounds out dorm room cuisine.
Debate/Planning/Persuasion. She’s played referee with my four and six year olds, arranged play-dates and orchestrated naps. Done, done and done.
The importance of naps. Those two hours in the afternoon with the boys asleep saved her sanity. Napping saves you again in school.
Aren’t those really the most important lessons from college? I never said I was a good student, but I think it’s pretty convincing.
As long as nobody convinces my kid of it, of course.
{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }
I mean what is she thinking? She would learn WAY more living at your house.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Bloggy Boot Camp…Here I Come!!!
Oh, I so agree. This is too funny. If I only knew I could learn everything by keeping someone else’s children vs. the lovely student loan debt I have now, plus 3 kids. lol
This is so funny.
When my nanny left I almost cried and go down on my hands and knees, prepared to beg. The fact that my husband would have murdered me is the only thing that held me back.
Ameena recently posted..A Scary Mommy I Admire
You forgot about what great birth control taking care of other people’s kids is.
Shawntel recently posted..What I Brought Home from Horse Master
No need for the list, you had me at “summer babysitter!!”. :)
Teri recently posted..The Mighty M Family Pictures
Poor you, at least you have a brand new dog to help you cope/be too busy housebreaking to grieve properly. So how are the kids taking it?
The kids are thrilled. They are watching too many shows when I need to work and I keep buying new crap to occupy them. What’s not to love?
This reminds me of when I had my first live-in nanny position. The family had 4 kids, 5 by the time I left. The mom was begging me to stay, but I only had one semester of college left and as much as I wanted to stay, I knew if I didn’t go back and finish then, I never would! I still miss them, 5 years and various nanny jobs later. It’s a fun adventure!
Bethany recently posted..Poetry
Are you really suggesting that she abandon school to care for three children instead? Let’s hope her parents don’t read this- I bet they would be far from amused. And I got a lot more from university than naps and sex.
I really hope you are being sarcastic in this comment. I mean, what is the title of this blog?? Hello!!
This is great! Thanks for the laugh!
Chirsta, are YOU really suggesting that you took this seriously? I don’t know what’s funnier, this post or your reply.
You can’t be serious? How did you come to this blog?
Scary Mommy, I nannied for one summer and swore I could never have kids of my own. And yes, I learned way more in managing another person’s offspring than I EVER learned in college.
P.S. I have 2 kids now.
It’s called humor and sarcasm. Apparently you missed learning about both of those in college.
Loralee recently posted..Topsy-Turvy
Of course she really means it. Scary Mommy also believes girl children shouldn’t be educated past the fourth grade, boys who wear pink end up being gay and Mountain Dew is the best form of birth control. Seriously, check the archives.
Suzanne recently posted..1 minute 31 seconds of toddler fun
Yes. Yes she is really suggesting that this girl abandon her education. I’m sure she has spoken to the girl’s parents at length about this suggestion as she obviously has put a lot of thought into it. Yes, you hit it right on the head.
Aren’t you too busy working on being a better servant to your husband to read this blog?
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..He’s Gonna Grow Out of It
ROFLMAO!!!!
You guys are the best. Can you come beat the people up who are mean to me in real life? xoxox
Oh how funny …. I Don’t know how she could turn down such a lovely offer …. lol!
Brandy
ps. my 5 year old is quite impressed with that Spiderman shirt lol.
She would also learn the fine art of recognizing sarcasm and humor — quite a bit more useful in life than anything I learned in macro economics or wildlife biology.
Country-Fried Mama recently posted..Our back-to-school plan for one last year
ok that’s it you and i must have been genetically linked somwhere along the sarcasm line. you rock.
vanillasugar recently posted..white chocolate cheesecake w- cherries and a mini-vacation
You forgot the all important “thinking out of the box and on the fly” or “how to to turn anything in your purse into a toy to keep peace”
Rene
Rene Foran recently posted..Teresa
Awesome!! And I went to college to learn how to take of other people’s kids (Early Childhood Education). Maybe if you’d been around, I wouldn’t have done that!
Nicki recently posted..Work
I found you via twitter! So glad I did. We speak the same language.
HA! So true. I learned nothing in college that real life work and a night class or two couldn’t have taught me.
Who needs a collge degree? Children break you into the real world in no time! You are too funny!!!! Love it and sooooo true!
Danielle recently posted..Tuesday Blog Hops
That pretty much sums it up. SCREW college : )
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows Helen Keller
We all know that real life is a much better education that school.
Jennifer recently posted..She deserves it
I take it SHE wasn’t convinced? :)
angie recently posted..I didn’t take these pictures………so who did
Haven’t gotten a definitive answer, but I’m guessing not. Sigh.
So I’m gonna assume that this is Christa’s first time reading a ScaryMommy blog and that she has been living under a rock, therefore doesn’t recognize sarcasm when its as plain as the blue sky …
Dear Christa, It would probably be best if you crawled back under that rock because those of us who LOVE ScaryMommy (and there’s lots of us) are gonna eat you alive. Consider yourself warned!!
(sarcasm. No one is really gonna eat you alive…well…I’m not anyway, can’t really speak for anyone else)
I need to have my sitter read this too. She is going to leave us and get a real job. Watching my kids IS a real job!
Oh boy, the comments are feisty on here tonight! I think Christa has been sufficiently ‘schooled’ so I’ll just say, very funny. :-) And that picture of the kids is perfect, cheeky little monkeys.
SaucyB’s latest post: Hello, Sir
*gasp* What is she thinking leaving those cutie pies?! Doesn’t she realize that they’re going to miss her and wonder what they did to make her leave?!
Mother’s guilt usual works, right? ;D
I’m in a similar boat–summer camp ended and the kids are home all day, every day. That means lots more entertaining needed, lots more mess, lots more noise. I could really use a nanny about now!
Lolli recently posted..Lunch Is On Me – Wendy’s Giveaway
Seriously…and she left you? After that very convincing argument? I’m shocked…just shocked. Well…maybe she’ll at least practice safe sex while in college. Nothing like babysitting to do that, right? Hmmm…reminds me, wish I would have babysat more in high school.
(Note to self: have my 17 y/o daughter work in home daycare next summer.)
pamtastic recently posted..I will call her…Philomena!
Totally. Being around my children is the best birth control EVER.
not for me… each day i go to work… I want one! daycare 7 years, nanny 10 years, Mary Poppins here :)
courtney recently posted..missing…
OH MY!!!
I must say how happy it makes me that there is only ONE single lonely critical comment this time, I hope it makes our very own Scary Mommy happy as well that more of US are looking then those who would not take her blog in the humor (twisted, sarcastic, funny as FUCK humor) that it was written!
Bravo, by the way, on this one SM, you have once again out done yourself! I wish folks would get off my back to start my own housekeeping/cooking/shopping on a VERY tiny budget blog when I due to pop in 6 weeks or less, but I digress. You are truly an inspiration to mom’s like me, and one’s I have introduced to the Scary Mommy Society, we are all forever in your debt for putting the fun and humor back into being a Mom.
Thanks!
Preggers
It makes me indescribably happy. :)
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. What kind of girl is this, moving on and leaving your kids? For shame! ;-)
Allison recently posted..Random Bits of Nonesense
I definitely got more out of college than naps and sex. I got a couple of Ds too.
yeah. sounds about right.
I tried desperately to convince our nanny to stay with us instead of attend nursing school. Surely she learned more about attending to boo boos in a house with 9 kids than she’ll ever learn at some silly old nursing school! ;)
debi9kids recently posted..Cant Believe We Almost Missed This!
LOL
You actually believe this!?
Keep in mind the fact that there ARE ‘college’ courses available out there that only last six months up to plenty more than just four years.
That said … NO ONE can learn what ANYONE can by furthering their education by simply doing ANY of this stuff.
This stuff is learned in other ways … not (just) by babysitting other people’s children.
The only course which I still find helpfull is paleography or the fine art of how to decifre illegible handwritings.
But the MOST important lesson I learned was how to nap with my eyes open.
And she still picked school? Beats me.
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels recently posted..Sun- fun- and lots to see
You know great sitters -those that become part of the family and make our kids happy-are like gold. Who the heck wants to let gold get away??
We had a sitter who fit this bill and it was a sad day indeed when college time rolled around.
Kelly recently posted..Dream a Little Dream
Not to worry. She will be back on breaks and during the summer and will need$$$$. Waaalaaa your sitter will be back in the fold! She will definitely appreciate all of the lessons taught to her by your kids and probably refer back on them time and time again during the semester:) Love your blog!
ZippyChix4 recently posted..Steve Slater’s Dramatic Jet Blue Exit
Ha! The comments were as entertaining as the post! Gawd I love your blog and followers, Jill.
P.S Are those a large collection of Silly Bands on your son? Or a mini cast?? :)
franticmommy recently posted..The Alphabet Story
The comments are 10000 times better than the post! And, seriously. I don’t remember the last time I saw his wrist.
College, schmollege. Won’t your babysitter consider pursuing a degree at Scary Mommy University? Are you accredited?
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Yesterday- I broke the law
Ohhhhh, I should look into that.
LOL… “Same goes for STD’s”. You crack me up.
And your kids are so adorable btw.
Corine recently posted..Planning Birth-Days the fun never ends- and neither does the pain
So true that I was cracking up the entire time. And not even remotely thinking you were serious. Which I knew you weren’t, because hey, top ramen and sugar packets are also part of the dorm cuisine, and since you left them out, the reality of your whole post was null and void.
Jill recently posted..What You May Not Be Able To Say In Words- Can Often Best Be Summed Up In Photos
I know!!! My kids won’t eat ramen, so I left that out, but it was such a staple of college life. Oh, memories.
You? Sarcastic? No way!
Sarahviz recently posted..Stickers- Suckers- a Smile and a Splint
I don’t know what was better–the post or the comments!
Absolutely the comments!!
I read this right before I went to bed… something about the frozen food comment made me dream you had 3 microwaves. Maybe one for each kid? haha
Don’t forget that dealing with three small children is VERY much like dealing with college boys. She could learn all she ever needs about men just by babysitting!
Jessica – This is Worthwhile recently posted..A Worthwhile Post 4- One-Sided Momma
Pure brilliance. As a matter of fact? She should have been paying you.
Stefanie recently posted..top ten reasons
i babysat all through high school, practically up till the day i left for college. what i learned? you can ask for unlimited raises when you’re a good nanny–just pretend like you’re moving away, and the parents will do just about anything to get you to stay.
i made more $ per hour babysitting when i was 15 years old than i did at my first three jobs after college.
you should have just offered to pay her tuition if she would take your kids with her.
alexis recently posted..newsflash- i make mistakes if you don’t believe me- watch the vlog
You could not be more right! Did you explain to her that more than likely she’ll make more money working for you than she probably will when she gets a “real” job just after college?!?!?!
She sounds fabulous! So sad….
Magically Ordinary recently posted..Post it Note Tuesday- A Very Giddy Mom Edition
You forgot to tell her that she can also make money at your house, as opposed to spending money at school…that just might have been the hook you needed!
I totally second the naps part. Why doesn’t anyone see the importance of naps anymore beyond kindergarten… ya know like in the work place and all or like 2 naps when you hit 30 and beyond?! :)
~K
Kel recently posted..Friends re-visited
So true, Jill. I pretty much got my BA in mac ‘n cheese. And I graduated with those 15 extra pounds to show for it. And in the end, I suppose that’s what college kids learn: how to live without their parents. Unless you were that girl down the hall from me whose mom FED EX’ED HER CHICKEN SOUP.
I’m a uni student in the UK so this made a funny read for me. I agree with you though! Although there other things to be learnt at college/uni of course.
I love the part about naps. When I was at high school I would never have considered taking a nap but when I’m at uni its just second nature! I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve fallen asleep after lying down for just ’5 minutes’.
Harriet recently posted..Sell Your Mobile
I read the first ten posts of your blog, got obsessive and decided I was going to read all of them. Anyway, I go to a big 12 university right now (and I frequent mommy blogs, weird, I know) and every day I look at my finances and WISH I had gone to technical school. Just had to throw this out there.