What Mothers really want for Mother’s Day

104 Comments

Well, I suppose I can’t speak for every mother, but this is what I want this year for Mother’s Day:

Not to be woken up. Just let me sleep in as long as I want. Chances are, I’ll be up well before nine, but at least let me try.

Not to change a diaper or wipe an ass. Enough said.

Not to pick out clothes. I don’t care what the children wear– they can be mismatched, filthy and stained, I just don’t want anything to do with it. Extra credit if they wear their Sunday best and pose for pictures.

Not to play referee. I’ve never much enjoyed sports, anyway. And I could really use a day off from breaking up fights and dolling out punishments.

Not to think about dinner. It’s one of the first things I think about everyday and it’s frequently greeted by yucks and ewwws. From all of you. Not tonight, please.

Not to buckle and unbuckle car-seats. Sure, it sounds trivial, but on the weekends when we are in and out of the car a million times, it’s something I despise.

Not to bathe the children. It’s my least favorite task, hands down. And, when you wash them, please actually use soap. Sitting in their own filth doesn’t really count.

Not to be in charge of bedtime. Yes, I want to snuggle with the kids. I will sing them my 80s medley of lullabies and maybe even read a book or two, but I don’t want to deal with the million whines and calls long after I have tucked them in. When I say goodnight and come downstairs, I mean goodnight.

Not to have to return something you bought me that I don’t want. Much as you think it’s fun for me to return fugly necklaces and unwanted broaches, I really don’t enjoy it. Listen to the not so subtle clues I give you about gifts. Or, just don’t buy me anything at all. We’re not dating anymore, it’s fine.

• Not to have to share my day with a husband who just had to be born on May 9th. Fine. I’ll admit that birthdays trump any other day, so I will suck up the waking and wiping and bathing and dressing and cooking this year. It’s only fair. {But, sweetheart, my birthday better rock.}

Comments

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  1. 1

    Kelly says

    Yes to all, but especially returning the dumbass gift that no one would want. And what the hell made you think of me when you saw it? I’m already insulted.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Blossoming =-.

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  2. 2

    parenting BY dummies says

    Amen, sister. And, lemme just note, from a mom whose birthday falls on Mother’s Day every six years or so, that situation totally sucks because then they get off the hook for celebrating me and my awesomeness twice in one year by buying me some not-even-close-to-the-cost-of-two-separate-gifts combo gift and taking me to lunch at a kid friendly, totally crowded with other feeling-special moms. Plus, when they eff it up by being sick or naughty or annoying, I have both Mother’s Day AND my birthday ruined in one fell swoop. So, thanks, Mom, for not planning for MY future when you decided to get knocked up during the Indian summer of ’77. Happy Mother’s Day, babe!
    .-= parenting BY dummies´s last blog ..Beautiful Baby Photo Contest =-.

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  3. 3

    Jennifer says

    I agree with all of those. The sleeping on one is the best. But I’ll probably end up having to work.
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..I need a makeover. =-.

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  4. 4

    Stacia says

    May I add: Not to facilitate any timeouts and the ensuing shoe-throwing, head-banging tantrum that ensues.

    And: Not to share my laptop with pint-sized people who demand to play games with choo-choo and siren sounds that frighten away more brain cells than I can afford to lose.
    .-= Stacia´s last blog ..Photo Tuesday =-.

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  5. 5

    Alex @ LateEnough says

    Um, birthdays do NOT trump Mother’s Day. Celebrate his on Saturday. I’m sure his mom WISHED that he had come on the 8th. Who likes being nine months pregnant?
    .-= Alex @ LateEnough´s last blog ..As Of Now, We Are Only Prepared For The Slow Moving Zombies =-.

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  6. 7

    Heather @ nobody-but-yourself says

    Amen, sister!

    Here’s a thought: what if you and your hubby trade holidays this year? Mother’s Day for Father’s Day? That way he gets properly celebrated (*and* you can do the combo gift!) and you’ll still get your day in the sun next month!

    I’ve been telling my kid flat out what, if Hubby wants to get me anything, he should get. She’s got it down and is waiting for the chance to tell him. Mwah ha ha. (I want a shrubbery. Specifically, a lilac bush. And for him to dig the hole and properly plant it where I point. Just in case you bump into him between now and Sunday, so you know what bug to put in his ear……………….)

    Happy (early) Mother’s Day to you!!
    .-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself´s last blog ..Spring FAIL =-.

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  7. 9

    debi9kids says

    Awesome list!
    Oh man! I know it’s his birthday and all, but can’t you at least get out of butt wiping??? Just that one little thing….
    .-= debi9kids´s last blog ..If You Had a Pocket Full of Change, How Would You Spend It? =-.

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  8. 10

    Momlissa @ Binkies & Bandaids says

    I’m definitely going to demand that I sleep in, ’cause that is the biggest treat for me.

    I also have a husband with a May 9th birthday. So inconvenient! lol
    .-= Momlissa @ Binkies & Bandaids´s last blog ..Zhu Zhu Fever – Worth Every Penny =-.

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  9. 11

    C @ Kid Things says

    I told my husband that I wanted a day off. Ha! Hahahaha! Yeah, I don’t think it’ll happen, but it was worth a try.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Blogiversary =-.

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