One of the things I love most about blogging is that it’s allowed me to see the humor in otherwise unamusing scenarios: The black sharpie that Lily used to label the belongings in my room, the red one that Ben used to decorate his brother, the frustration of not getting the perfect picture… I could go on all night. This blog let’s me see humor in what would have annoyed or infuriated me before. It’s a really good thing.
Except, now I find myself in a situation that I can find no humor in at all. Lice has invaded my house, and there ain’t nothing funny about it. The fact that I’m up to my armpits in laundry isn’t amusing at all. The fact that we’ve all had to endure shampoo treatments that smell so bad our eyes tear and gag reflexes kick in isn’t amusing at all. The fact that every stuffed animal and doll is bagged up in the basement isn’t amusing at all. And the fact that I’m paying a mobile lice specialist $100 an hour tomorrow to ensure that all nits are out of our heads certainly isn’t amusing.
The thought that I could have potentially infected Uma Thurman with lice, causing an A-list Hollywood breakout? The thought does amuse me. Just the teeniest bit.
{Disclaimer: My husband told me not to publish this post. I rarely show him posts beforehand, but wanted his thoughts on this one. He said it was mean spirited. I say he’s being ridiculous– I’m not implying that I *want* Uma to have lice or that I intentionally spread it to her, but the image of Entertainment Tonight reporting on an outbreak that can be traced back to me makes me laugh. Sue me.}
Tweet
{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }
Okay so maybe I’m not jealous of your NYC trip after all. *snort*
Tiffany´s last blog ..Your Challenge This Weekend
I don’t think it’s mean… funny, yes! Mean, not so much. You are after all, Scary Mommy.
Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ more spiders
Exactly. Thank you. :)
Love this post- Lice are NOT any fun!
Sara Broers´s last blog ..Over or Under- How about on the holder?!
Oh, it is THE worst. I can’t even talk about it yet. I’ll be watching Access Hollywood for word of the A-List outbreak any day now….
My scalp is itching.
OHmommy´s last blog ..Portrait of a Toddler: Part 2
Awe, man! I was sorta hoping you were going to call for the crucifixion of the ballon boy’s parents for scream for further TSA footage and explanation of who started the “Zach Braff is dead”debacle or something.
Bummer.
:p
This wasn’t a bit mean, babe. It’s just fine. I knew you weren’t cursing Uma with pestilence and plague or anything.
Although, if she DOES end up with it she will totally know whose photos to snag for her dart board. Hee hee hee!
Loralee´s last blog ..I could watch this every minute of every day and not tire of it.
Ohhhh, good writing topics, Loralee. :P
Well, I must admit I am jealous of that NYC trip…but maybe glad I wasn’t there to hug you. :) We all get the lice in our homes, children are evil carriers…such is life…and Uma knows it too, I’m sure.
The Stiletto Mom´s last blog ..How Early Is Too Early?
Not mean at all. Don’t celebrities always say they are just like the rest of us…
Yup. Just keeping it real for her.
Well it could be worse- and I doubt they could track it to you. The $100 an hour is INSANE yikes!! I hope this gets rid of them. thank god my kids havent gotten lice yet. I truely feel for you on this one.
I know- totally insane. But my hair is crazy think and there is no way that Jeff could get them all out. I just want this OVER. To the tune of $500.
Eek! My scalp is all itchy now. You’re not mean. It’s funny, in an “better you than me” way. We had lice last year and I almost when homicidal.
I am totally homicidal. It’s a fucking nightmare.
Haha… See, that is very amusing!!
Definitley within easy jumping distance there.
Uma….Lice…..Lice….Uma.
Uma’s next movie….Kill ()ill. Insert whatever letter strikes you as relevant here. JK ; )
Seattledad´s last blog ..Underwear Power!
LOL!!! Easy jumping distance, for sure.
If my kids ever end up with lice I will pay a mobile unit to just take them away. The children, not the lice. Well, the lice too.
Just the word “nits” alone makes me gag. Like in a quasi mini throw-up kind of way. I do not do well with parasitic endeavors.
Hope you get it all cleared up soon.
It all makes me gag. I am not handling this well. At all.
Lice is my worst nightmare. We already have a huge laundry room full of stuff to wash. I think I would have a nervous breakdown if I had to do a thorough wash of everything.
And your post was very funny. Not mean. Unless you meant it to be mean..
Julie B.´s last blog ..11 Months Old – Monkey Man (*Edited)
OMG, yikes! :) No, lice are no fun. Tea tree oil shampoo and a good nit comb were all we needed though, and we use the shampoo religiously now to keep them at bay.
I too will be watching accesshollywood for any news on a hollywood breakout… tee hee hee… shhh… heehee…
Nenette´s last blog ..ask nenette: video #1
OMG Grody! The post rocks. Love the bff pic of you and Uma – you can almost see the little buggers jumping from scalp to scalp. EW – okay I have gone too farand grossed myself out! Good luck!
ps I have awarded you. you deserve it. you rock!
Brittany at MommyWords´s last blog ..Kids and Climate Change for Blog Action Day ‘09C
I have never had lice, but I have received several warnings from friends, and the very thought makes my scalp itch. Blech. I hope you’re all clear, and soon.
And I’ll admit it, the idea of you causing a Hollywood lice pandemic? That IS pretty funny. Also, itchy.
Amber´s last blog ..Mission: Piano Shelf
hahahahahaha!!!!!!! hilarious! hmmm who knows?? maybe Uma gave you the lice!?
=) great post and kudos to you for posting it despite hubby’s disapproval!
divaaa
I feel for you. I so do. My eldest came down with lice when she was six, on the day we brought her newborn sister home from the hospital! So there I was, for hours on end, standing and picking nits out of my daughter’s hair, four days after a c-section. With the hormones, I almost lost my mind.
A mobile lice specialist? Honestly, I would have paid him/her a million dollars to take care of it at the time.
Creative Junkie´s last blog ..Do I look fat in this blog?
Maybe she gave it to you!
Kimberly´s last blog ..In Case You Need This as Much as I Do Right Now….
Definitely not mean. Sarcastic, yes. Mean, nah! (Sorry about the lice situation, hope it’s resolved without too much more unpleasantness)
Momlissa´s last blog ..My Take on H1N1 & Vaccines (as Someone Who Had Bacterial Co-Infection after Influenza)
OK, so I know this hasn’t been a fun time for you guys, but it made for a hilarious story at the end.
Mommy Cracked´s last blog ..The Shandle- Review & Giveaway
What a nightmare, Jill. I must say, though–the image of Uma getting lice from you is terrifying (and certainly at least a little funny….). Thank goodness you know for sure she doesn’t read your blog!
Lolli´s last blog ..Trick or Treat….Give Me Something GOOD To Eat!
Oh, the lice. They’re nasty little fuckers. Don’t forget to do the repeat treatment! I didn’t, and it came to bite me in the ass.
Mwa´s last blog ..Marge, I must learn to love you better
That wasn’t mean spirited at all! Ugh, lice. Honest to god, every time I have an itchy head, I worry it’s lice. Not that I’ve been exposed, or ever even had them, I’m just paranoid like that.
Cara´s last blog ..Infamous
Ack…that just sounds really awful and nasty!!!! Now I can’t get the thought of lice out of my head. But at least you met Uma.
Julie @ Angry Julie Monday´s last blog ..Confessions of an Asthma Mom
LICE is truly the worst four-letter word. So sorry…pay the nit-picker and pray never to need her again! Good luck…
i can’t believe there is such a thing as a “mobile lice specialist”…!! can you imagine growing up and telling your mom you want to be a lice specialist? how about on a first date? and the fact that they are now “mobile”?? i guess you can make money doing anything…do you think you have to go to college for this? maybe i should tell daniel…
xo
you are such a fu**ing rockstar!
you made me laugh so hard. you rock, too funny. uma and lice, oh my god I don’t know which is worse that fact that I might like her getting it or that you had the balls to post this.
dawn´s last blog ..pb fudge puddles
Bleh… lice suck. Uma Thurman plus lice sucks too, but I just imagine her PR people being like… “Uma? Has your head itched lately? Scary Mommy thinks you might have lice…” and that’s funny.
Belle´s last blog ..This pretty much means we’re better than Obama
You kill me. And I love it. I have an award for you on my blog~http://wwwtheadventuresofcrazymumcom.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-fucking-rockblog-award-numero-2.html
Heather´s last blog ..I fucking rock~blog award numero 2!!
yikes! that sucks big time!! i hope this issue is out of your life soon!!!!
Lizzie´s last blog ..Hello From The Trenches!
Lice is one of those mommy milestones and Uma is a mom so she would understand if indeed your worst fear came true. Still, I am sorry you have to deal and hope you are nit free for good!
Momish´s last blog ..The Karmic Wheel Keeps Turning
My daughter came home from school a couple of years ago with a note saying that she had nits. I’m so glad that our school has a program to check the children so that it gets caught early. Because of this, we didn’t have to go to the lengths that you are in order to stop the problem but it still freaked me out and definitely increased my vigilance. Good luck!
Kat´s last blog ..Getting the Shakes Here!
Perhaps I am being snarky… but truly, that would be hilarious. Not that we would ever know. I doubt that even the best investigative reporter would be able to find that story. Uma’s manager, publicist, hairdresser, etc… would all protect her to the death.
But LOLOLOL! Just thinking about it amuses me.
JenniferG´s last blog ..A Pledge To One’s Self In A Few Precious Words
Lice have caused me serious psychological damage. I may need to schedule a meeting with a therapist just because I read this post. We had them. Once. I blew off then 8 y/o when she begged me to check. For weeks. She was itchy. I thought she was being a drama queen. Until the day I SAW ONE SAUNTER ACROSS HER FOREHEAD. Huge. Like so big, my friend said she must of had them forever. CPS should check on my kids more often.
If you get linked to Uma for a celebrity lice break out you will be famous. Not just famous. FAMOUS. Wohoo.
AmyAnne´s last blog ..Phone Sex Anyone? Not Here Apparently.
Exactly what are the qualifications to become a mobile lice specialist? Is there a correspondence course one can take? I AM recently unemployed, and whilst I don’t think I currently have the required skill set, for $100 an hour I can damn well rustle up those skills pronto…….particularly if they involve being anal-retentive and wielding a comb like a sword.
Amy´s last blog ..Fab Friday: October 16
I would take Uma, lice and all. So hot…
Out-Numbered´s last blog ..I Don’t Do Bath Time…
Ick! May they die and never come back (the lice, not mommy bloggers)
Lori Z.´s last blog ..Happy Diwali!
O.M.G. I cannot believe you are dealing with that. When I was an elementary school teacher and the WHOLE class had to get checked, my scalp would itch for days. We had couches in our classrooms, and that was the “source” of kids getting it over and over. Girl, that really sucks…but it made for a great post!
Theta Mom´s last blog ..e.l.f. Cosmetics Review and Giveaway!
I feel crawly. The heck with Uma. $100 an hour specialist would be pocket change for her. I can’t get past the thought of having to bag up all soft toys and stuff animals. In my house that would be like, a hundred million toys. It would be a forced “toy purge” which I have been fantisizing about for years. I’d like to do it w/o creepy crawlies though.
Hang in there Scary Mommy.
Not mean at all! You were very complimentary of her earlier.
You are a bad-ass and I would laugh my ass off if you gave Uma lice. Feel bad for her yes, but still laugh. And tell your hubby to stop being such a wus :)
DCUrbanDad´s last blog ..Rain, rain go away
Too funny!!!
Oh dear God, we went through the same thing last summer just after moving into our new home. I have 4 kids, and it took almost 8 hours to treat all of us one day. We literally shut ourselves in for the day, and I wouldn’t allow the kids to play with ANYONE until I knew they were gone (we live in a small town – get the picture!). We treated them naturally which meant buying gobs of white vinegar, minty listerine, tea tree oil, and maximum-strength dandruff shampoo.
My, kids begged me not to blog about it, but once I got over the hysteria of it all (like 1 year later), it was actually pretty damn funny.
Then we found out my 4 year old brought worms home from daycare.
Not so funny.
You do know she’s going to read this post, don’t you?? Expect an angry phone call from Uma in the morning!
Mama Kat´s last blog ..And Then I Blinked
you know, I would be a teeny bit happy if there was a lice breakout. it would kinda make me laugh.
Jen @ buried with children´s last blog ..Feeling Like You Are Buried with Children
well………..now she knows where to find you if she does have it. :) So sorry you are going through this right now.
LOL – the invasion of the Mommy Bloggers :-D
I’m sorry about the lice situation, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone – yikes.
You left me totally speachless with that photo! So I take it you had a good time in NY? :-)
Elisa´s last blog ..The sweet escape
OMG… the fact that you even put the “post-Jeff viewing” disclaimer makes me shudder… too funny.
That’s not mean at all! Funny, though…think of the notoriety you’d get – you might even make it into US magazine with a headline like “Jealous Mommy Blogger Infects Hollywood Elite”…
amber´s last blog ..Banishing the Baby Belly: Week 5
Is it wrong to kind of wish lice on her? Yes, I know it is- we had a lice incident and it was HELL- I wouldn’t wish that on her -even though I presume she looks really good naked and I hate that in people.
tena´s last blog ..Why I don’t always believe what I hear- it’s nothing personal
I am dying over here. I think your husband is funny, too. Because there’s no way you could have NOT published this post.
Not mean-spirited. Just hilarious!
Becca – Our Crazy Boys´s last blog ..The Scary Fairy
LOL! OH, no! I have to laugh because that was me just 9 months ago. It was the first (and hopefully last) time I had to battle lice. Dang school. My Kindergartener at the time brought it home and she had the case that just wouldn’t end! 9 in our family and only the baby got away scot-free. Talk about laundry! Haircuts! Combs! Nasty shampoo! Months of follow-up with tea tree oil, coconut shampoo, sorting through shiny hair for possible nits. OY!
Dixiemom7´s last blog ..Baby Picture Sunday – It’s a Video Age
My stepdaughter visited us 2 summers ago. She also brought the army of lice that were mulitiplying on her head. I had to chop off her long, thick hair–it was THAT bad.
I still get paranoid at the salon thinking they’ll whisper “Um, Chelle? It seems that you have a, uh, lice problem”.
I hope the specialist works! And I kinda secretly wish to see on Perez that there is a lice infestation happening in Hollywood…
Chelle´s last blog ..Thanksgiving Sign Giveaway!
If I found out that Uma Thurman had lice and I had infected her, or you, or any other Mommy Blogger I knew….I would be HYSTERICAL with laughter.
It’s not mean, that’s just funny!!
Not mean spirited at all.
Unknown Mami´s last blog ..Unknown Mami a.k.a. Scary Mami
I had to come back and write this because I am a dork. If you had given Uma’s character lice she would be called E-Lice-a. My work here is done.
Unknown Mami´s last blog ..Unknown Mami a.k.a. Scary Mami
Oh my gosh… I’m just laughing. I KNOW lice is nothing to laugh about but the thought of you infecting Uma…
Bethany´s last blog ..Money Madness
Hi, I found your blog from leigh (at leighvslaundry.blogspot.com) and I love your humor!
Years ago, my sister had lice – and traveled through France and South America. We imagine that she left them everywhere…though she probably picked them up in France. Or Uruguay. Whatever.
What I’m saying is, maybe Uma gave them to you…
Inspired. Having known friends that have gone through what you’re going through I’d be punch-drunk lookin’ for trouble or anything to make me laugh.
It’s the same dark place that made me think of the using the dog’s Invisible Fence collars indoors on the twins when they were working the horrific Threes- a quick zap! if they wandered into the “restricted zones” (dining room, basement, 2nd floor deck.)
My hubby told me to keep that one to myself- for fear of someone taking me seriously and calling DSS.
(Between you and me- it would totally work though. Just sayin’)
Betsy´s last blog ..Lessons From The Meanest Duck