20 Signs You’re Getting Old – Scary Mommy

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20 Signs You’re Getting Old

Recently I had a birthday, but this post isn’t really about that. I’m ok with getting older. Really, I am. Age doesn’t matter because you’re only as old as you feel.

Unfortunately, I feel old.

Do you feel the best years of your life lie ahead of you, only you’re too tired to take advantage of them? Here are 20 signs you’re probably familiar with…

1. You fall in the shower on your birthday (and the pain is more emotional than physical).

2. You hear the D.J. on the radio refer to 90’s music as classic rock, and that’s just mean.

3. You no longer know who the hell any of the celebrities on magazine covers are and look to your pre-teen daughter for answers.


4. You find you’re not as smart as your smart phone and have to turn to your kids to help work it.

5. You think “totes aborbs” is totes stupid.

6. You curse the day skinny jeans were born.

7. You are no longer able to independently operate the T.V. and rely on your 9-year-old to work the multitude of remotes and unlock the secret code.

8. Your knowledge of current movies is limited to Disney new releases.

9. The only show for which you’ve consistently followed the plot line is Sponge Bob.

10. You put on weight despite a careful diet of fat-free, sugar-free, flavor-free food.

11. Your kids are in the latest fashions and you’re in Old Navy.

12. After years of battling your hair, you admit defeat and console yourself with the thought that you had a good run back in the summer of 95.

13. You come to view heels as a form of socially acceptable torture and find yourself looking longingly at loafers.

14. You buy loafers.


15. You remember a time when a “hoodie” was called a sweatshirt.

16. The only parties you attend take place during daylight hours, have cartoon character themes and offer make-your-

own sundae bars but lack a real bar.

17. You traded your wild Friday nights out for tame Friday nights in on the couch, and you’re too relieved to be lounging braless in your jammies to mind.

18. Your children’s bedtime is now later than your own.

19. You start to think retirement villages in Florida sound like fun.

20. You get a gym membership and still gain weight.

Related post: I Became A Mom And Forgot To Go To France. And Wyoming. And Pretty Much Everywhere

Stacey Gill is an award-winning journalist, mastermind behind the humor blog, One Funny Motha, and co-author of the parenting humor anthology, I Still Just Want to Pee Alone. Her work has appeared on such sites as The Huffington Post, BlogHer, Mom365, Today’s Mama, The Good Men Project and Mommyish. In 2014 she was named one of the Top 10 Funny Parent Bloggers of the Year by VoiceBoks. Perhaps most importantly, she is the proud founder of the Detached Parenting Movement, a child-rearing model she single-handedly developed without any guidance or advanced degrees in child psychology. Currently, she’s at work on a memoir based on this theory. Find her on Facebook and Twitter.