A Losing Battle

I don’t think of myself as an especially competitive person. I never cared about getting straight A’s in school or what team was winning which game. I couldn’t care less about keeping up with the Joneses and really don’t compare myself to other women. But, since becoming a parent, I have been finding competition in some unexpected places.

My children’s looks, for instance. As babies, Evan and Lily looked remarkably like their father. At three years old, Evan is an exact replica; their baby pictures are almost indistinguishable. While I think my kids are cute as can be, I can’t help but feel I’ve lost some sort of DNA contest. And, I’m not being facetious– every time people remark on the similarities (which is all the freaking time,) my blood boils. It’s not fair.

And then there’s the competition I feel outside of our little family. We got married early. We had our first child early. We had second around the same time our friends were having their first. Everyone thought we were insane by the time we had our third. I loved being that couple who beat everyone to the punch. It was fun being the crazy ones and paving the course for everyone else. But, lately, they are catching up. Even worse than that, they’re beating us. And, it’s beginning to piss me off.

We have all the kids we can handle. I truly think a fourth would put me over the edge into Looneyville, USA, and I don’t have any interest in residing there. But, still, I can’t help but feel jealous of those with families larger than ours. We have friends with four kids, the last of whom are twins. Friends who have four kids and two dogs. Five kids, even. It’s insane. More insane than my insanity. Suddenly, I feel like a loser, but the only one competing is me.

Jeff thinks I’m nuts and doesn’t feel this way at all. So, I’m asking you, fellow mothers: Is this normal? Anyone else feel this odd competition or is it just me?

Perhaps I should pick a sports team like the rest of the country. It’s certainly easier than continuing to pop out babies.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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Brittany Leigh Tyler 2 years ago

I completely understand and can relate to this post. I am in the same boat.

marie 5 years ago

I totally want four children. I totally want four babies. What I do not want is four KIDS. I do think it would be nice when I am older to have a big group of grown children around me…and who can resist more babies? But it is the everyday grind of *kids* that keeps these feelings in check.

Randi 5 years ago

I can totally relate! My girls look like carbon freaking copies of their Dad. The oldest (mine from a previous reletionship) looks just like me, so I know I too have the ability to have one look like me, dang it! We have 5 girls, no boys and we are constantly told how crazy we are for having “so many kids”, and I secretly enjoy the “fame” that I have from it. I even have a built in fan club, lol, so what if they wipe peanut butter on my jeans and scribble on my walls, they’re mine!

rachel 5 years ago

And I thought I was the only one that happened to! My 7 year old has white blonde hair (obviously I do not), and I had people INSIST that he is not mine. I mean they argued with me about it!!!

I guess I don’t have to worry about the genes thing, since with 5 kids and 2 beloved foster kids, no body looks like anybody.

Vicki 5 years ago

Holy crap! I totally feel you!
I had a baby 3ish weeks ago and I hear one more person say how he looks just like my husband I’m going to freak out! And I’m pretty sure he will be my only chance to pass on mt genes – I have 2 step kids and I think 3 is enough. Oh well…

anymommy 5 years ago

First, I loved this post and then when you said this, “I don’t know… maybe. I love babies. I would probably always want more, even if I had a million,” I loved you even more. I don’t know if I’m afraid of closing this chapter of my life, if I’ve felt more fulfilled raising small children than I have at any other time, if I’m competitive (I definitely get jealous of bigger families) or just crazy. But I so feel this.

Except for the looking like me thing, I love that my boys are perfect copies of their Dad.

Carla 5 years ago

I think everyone feels this way. My weirdest one is people with little girls. My first (and so far) only is an awesome rough and tumble little boy that I wouldn’t trade for anything … but I really wanted a little girl and I feel destined to be a mother of boys while relatives have precious daughters they don’t even bother dressing up in cute outfits – no fair! And here’s another fun one, my son looks very much like my baby pictures but everyone is always saying that he looks just like his dad – great!

Stacey 5 years ago

At the same time that I believe my kids are the spitting image of their father, I also believe that they look a heck of a lot like me. Not often, but from time to time I will catch a side of my boys and I’m like “wow they really look like me”. I get pretty agitated as well at the fact that everyone is always saying how much they look like their father. Ugh. But I know that my boys are so darn adorable so I guess it doesn’t matter that they look like dad as long as they are cutie pies. I’m sure that you see yourself in you children once in a while right?! I guess we loose the gene war but we are mommy and they can never beat us at that!

jodifur 5 years ago

I have one. Everyone beats me.

Tiaras & Tantrums 5 years ago

wow – I so feel you on this one! My kids look NOTHING like me (not a read head in the bunch! WTH? not even one with blue eyes!) But the other – being jealous – or whatever it is . . I WANTED 4 kids – I tried for 4 kids! My body failed me – HUGE FAIL! I see women with 4 or 5 kids and I seriously am jealous – like I have to walk away b/c it is not good! Plus I am a bit ticked that I can’t have 4 kids, especially when I see really mean moms with loads of kids! Just not fair

Zeemaid 5 years ago

I think there is a little competitive in all of us. I felt the same way when we were the first in my hubs family to have a baby. It totally pissed me off when BIL announced their pregnancy 4 months after us. It’s like they were waiting to steal our thunder. That’s how I felt as silly as it sounds. I also feel like I have to compete with my hubby because he’s so much more personable than me. Everyone loves him. :)

Lana | RaisedbyPoker 5 years ago

Before the crazy population explosion that led to having 6, I totally remember feeling like that. It was compounded by my ex-mormon background, where big families are very admired. I always felt like bigger families were, perhaps, more accomplished somehow.

And since 4 of my kids are part Asian, only two of them look a tiny bit like me. We have the same color eyes. I really got off on that when it happened 4 kids into the process, although nobody really notices the color of my eyes anymore…only how tired they look :-)

Amira 5 years ago

Well this is good to know… there is hope for my genes yet :-)

Bruna 5 years ago

Hehe. Exactly! The baby is *MINEEEEEE*! 😛

Bruna 5 years ago

For all *I* know – both my kids are EXACTLY like their dad, so… Guess that’s 100% accurate here, LOL! 😀

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That WAS interesting- thanks for sharing!

Bruna 5 years ago

This makes a lot of sense… Very interesting – thanks for sharing! :)

Annabelle 5 years ago

I am right there with you. I am having a hard time with that right this very minute. I have friends that are in the ranking above us- and I sometimes sit and go “its not fair, I have to get there.” You are def not the only one dealing with this.

Kristin T 5 years ago

Hey, just wanted to let you know that your kids will EVENTUALLY start looking like you. Babies statistically look more like their fathers during the early years (and scientists think that there is an evolutionary reason behind it). Since the mother has no doubt about the baby being hers (something coming out of you is something you don’t question), babies look more like their fathers so the father will recognize the offspring as his own and not abandon the family. Anyway, there is an article in the New York Times about it –http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/22real.html

Moral of the story: You’re not losing the genetic lottery!

Holly Taylor 5 years ago

I think most women feel a pang of jealously, or question themselves and their family size when they hear of other people having babies. I’m not sure if it ever goes away even if you keep having more and more babies. Having a new baby is exciting, its a big change you plan and prep for and look forward to. Why wouldn’t we just keep on wanting to pop them out!
Lucky for me my hubby solved that problem before we even delivered the third…he knows me all to well!

Amanda 5 years ago

I completely hear you on the “your baby looks just like her father” front. I carried her, breast fed her, and nurtured her for the first three months of her life! She should look like me! How weird to feel in competition with your husband over the looks of your child! Is something wrong with me? :)

Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him 5 years ago

I don’t think you’re jealous. I think you’re just not fully reconciled to closing the pregnancy/baby chapter of your life. I have that, too, particularly because I still have a number of fertile years ahead but have 3 already. I’d like a 4th, but feel at capacity at the moment. The idea that this could be it makes me feel antsy even though I should just be excited to have the family I do.

Also, for me, I have trouble making decisions for myself and standing by them. I think I’d be more settled if I just couldn’t have more children as opposed to having the ability but making the decision to stop.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

It kills me that I have 2 brown eyed children! My eyes are my favorite feature, dammit. Couldn’t I have at least passed them down?

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

LOL at survivor smugness. That’s perfect.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I don’t know… maybe. I love babies. I would probably always want more, even if I had a million.

Amira 5 years ago

I totally feel you on losing the DNA contest. My husband is very dark east Indian and I am super pale blonde hair. I have had multiple people ask me if my kids are adopted… it sends me over the edge!

b harper 5 years ago

I rarely admit it to anyone, but I do often have that sense that someone is hot on my heels. At work, at home, in all things mother and baby. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it sometimes drives me to try just a little bit harder and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Christine 5 years ago

When I met my husband he wanted four kids, I wanted three. I told him (this is the gods honest truth), if he wanted four the last one would have to be twins. I had 4 kids in 5 years. The first two were 15 months apart, then 3 years later, a set of twins came along. He always gets his way, but, I would do it all over again, and sometimes wish all my kids were twins.

Darcie 5 years ago

Oh yeah-I am so looking forward to the empty nest thing. Love my kids and all, but having a 21 yr. old daughter out on her own has opened my eyes to what lies ahead. And it’s good. Very Good.

Jen @ Momalom 5 years ago

I hear you. I feel this, too. It’s taken me a while to be content with “only” three. But I do. It’s perfect for me and for our family. I have no doubts about the third. But there will, I think, always be lingering doubts about any more, even though I’m content not to have any. Looneyville USA is not for me, either!

Jack 5 years ago

I want more kids but not because of competition with any friends never occurred to me. Some of the boys have more money, bigger houses, better cars, but I don’t get caught up in that either. None of it makes me feel better or worse about myself.

I have to admit that when my oldest was born the first two things I noticed were his hands and feet. Don’t know why, but I did because they are miniature versions of mine.

His face and hair color are the same as his mother, but people say that he looks like me. My daughter’s hair and complexion are the same as my own. Don’t know if that bothers her mother or not.

They are definitely a combination of the two of us.

I grew up with four sisters so I have always imagined that I would have more than two. I could do it too, but there is something nice about knowing that diapers are long gone.

Now I just need to start saving for a Bar Mitzvah. That scares me.

Loukia 5 years ago

Oh, absolutely! You’re very normal, Jill! It seems like I’m the one in the minority with only two children! If we had more children we’d need a bigger house, and a bigger car… and I’d have to gain all that weight again… I don’t know… also, my two boys look just like their father, everyone says!

Christine 5 years ago

I feel the complete competition over whether or not my kids look like me or my husband. Especially when I show a picture of my kids and the same age and me at that age and I think it is close and my in-laws refuse to acknowledge. Blood boiling rage. As for the kids, I can’t say I feel for that. Then again, I am pregnant with a third. Maybe it is your deep down hope and dream to have another baby?

The Flying Chalupa 5 years ago

To say goodbye once and for all to the prospect of having more babies is such a tough thing. Like saying “Adios fertility!” “Adios youth!” You are not alone, Jill. Big families are fun – and wanting to see YOU in your child is something we all crave.

As they say (and who the hell are ‘they?’), this too shall pass. Or not. But at least you won’t be living in Looneyville.

Kate Coveny Hood 5 years ago

I’ll admit that I get some weird satisfaction from telling people that I gave birth to three babies in 18 months. Oh yeah – and how big Oliver was when he was born and how big he continues to be. Those are two things that I wouldn’t actually choose…but maybe it’s the survivor smugness. I don’t know.

Erin 5 years ago

It is “Scary” how you read my mind sometimes…

apparently “we” are not along in this feeling and it makes me feel so much better – more sane – or…just crazy and in good company.

I also enjoy the “crazy” title and just today when I finally got AF after a 3 day late “scare” instead of being RELEIVED like any normal, logical functioning person, I felt, disappointed.

I have a post in me about this very topic…I think I’ll go write now….

Thanks for putting this out there…You really GET IT!!!

vanillasugarblog 5 years ago

umm Jill you will not feel that way when it comes time for you and jeff to retire. you two will have money, i don’t know how those large ass families will have money unless they are true blue bloods. when we hit our 60’s do you know the cost of living will be a lot higher so…you might look back and say “i’m glad we had only 3”

Roxanne 5 years ago

You are definitely not crazy. All I’ve heard for the last 10 months is how much my daughter looks like her dad. While I’m happy there’s definitely no need for a dna test I’m also insanely jealous I can only hope that as she grows she’ll start to resemble me just a little.

Jacq 5 years ago

A lot of the time *I* can’t handle it! But what can you do, you can’t put them back! I made very sure we wouldn’t be having any more though…

Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) 5 years ago

I have three kids but I was pregnant four times. I kind of wanted four kids but three was more than a handful. Sometimes I wish I’d had another but I would rather have three turn out well then run the risk of being overwhelmed by four. With two off to college and one leaving in a year, I actually look forward to being ME again. Not a wife, not a mother, just ME!

Mrs.Mayhem 5 years ago

My husband insists that our youngest looks like him (which she absolutely does NOT) and it drives me crazy! After all that effort sustaining pregnancy, carrying the baby, delivering them, and breastfeeding, the kids damn well ought to look like the moms!

Sarah 5 years ago

I have 2 children from a previous marriage, and my husband has 3 from a previous marriage. So between the 2 of us we have 5 kids, and our house is a ZOO when we have all the kids. Before my marriage breakdown with my ex, I always pictured “giving birth” to 3 children. And after my youngest was born, I never thought “this will be my last baby”, because I always expected I would have one more.
And now that I am remarried, and to a man that has 3 children, that dream of one more, seems to have been smashed. Really we have a LOT of kids, more then we can handle really. But I still one day, would really like one more. I still feel like there is one more child that is missing from our lives… And even when we have 5 kids ripping our house apart, I still feel that way. There’s also the fact that I would really like to have a child with my husband (a little “us”.)
So no you are not crazy. Children are amazing (even though they have the ability to make us NUTS!) But from a mother of 5, after 3 adding a few more is nothing.

ginny 5 years ago

I’m with you regarding your kids’ looks. My older daughter looks like my side of the family, but not like me–more like my sisters, while my younger daughter looks like my husband. Some have said that they resemble me, but I don’t see it, really.

As for the number of kids, I only wanted two…one for each hand. I didn’t want to have three (I’m a middle child and so is my husband) and couldn’t see myself having four especially after two crazy pregnancies.

Theta Mom 5 years ago

Love the convo here and although I haven’t read through all of the comments, not sure if this was mentioned but I think we also need to consider the NEED of each child in each family. For example, my daughter is FAR more needy in terms of development than my son so she exhausts SO much more of my energy. If she was my first kid, she would have been my last. I look at other families who have more kids and I am convinced that they are not dealing with what I am dealing with – and if they were, well then that’s just plain insanity. :)

Theta Mom 5 years ago

Love the convo here and although I haven’t read through all of the comments, not sure if this was mentioned but I think we also need to consider the NEED of each child in each family. For example, my daughter is FAR more needy in terms of development than my son so she exhausts SO much more of my energy. If she was my first kid, she would have been my last. I look at other families who have more kids and I think to myself, they must not be dealing with what I am dealing with – and if they were, well then that’s just plain insanity. :)

Lauralee Hensley 5 years ago

You can usually enjoy more sleep with fewer kids.
Fewer co-pays for Doctor’s visits with fewer kids.
More time to spend individually with the kids you already have with fewer kids.
More time to spend with the hubby with fewer kids.
Fewer teacher meetings with fewer kids. Fewer activities you have to taxi them to and from with fewer kids.
The list could go on and on.
Yet, in the end whether or not you have more kids should always be because you really, really want them and nothing else matters. I think that should be a joint decision between both parents though.
If one is dead set against it, I don’t really think it’s a good idea to bring another into the household.

Jen 5 years ago

It’s where competition meets with (and conflicts with) validation. I want to be the most at everything. But I also don’t want other people to take away my excuse for not being able to keep my shit together. If I have three kids and I’m a whack job, I can say it’s because I have three kids. But if I meet someone who has four…or more…and they are calm, cool and collected, then I feel like an a$$hole. Which is just dumb thinking because (like you) I’m really the best. 😉

Maggie 5 years ago

Same here. I had my son young. I am now the one with the teenager, while all the rest have kids under 10. I am the one sleeping in, able to go out without having to find AND pay a babysitter. I am able to negotiate “deals” with a 15 yr old…not so much with a the little ones they are dealing with!!

dusty earth mother 5 years ago

I totally understand, Jill. Why do THEY get to be crazier than me? I only have two kids but I do have two dogs, so I like to say I have four children. I think I’m being competitive, trying to win the “my life’s so full” award. Oy.

Kris 5 years ago

I only have one, so all of my friends have more kid’s than I do. I don’t feel competitive about it, however, I feel more incapable. I feel like everytime I complain that Grace is swinging Tarzan-style from my last nerve, they are thinking “Please! Try adding 2 more monkeys to the mix and then we will talk”

As far as the gene pool goes, I got extremely lucky. I was going through my old pictures and found one of me when I was 4. Grace saw it and thought it was a picture of her. When I told her it was me she got very upset, insisting that it was her. I seem to be the only one who recognizes her daddy’s features in her. Those usually show up as expressions, especially when she is getting in trouble.

Lessons in Life and Light 5 years ago

Ok, so I realize I don’t HAVE kids yet (this little one isn’t set to show up until late June), but I’ll be honest here: I have the OPPOSITE reaction to people with more than two kids. To me, that looks just overwhelming. So in my book, you’ve already beat me and I am a-ok with that. I’ve just never been the type who wants their life to revolve around a bunch of kids. One? Definitely. Two? Uh…maybe. We’ll get there.

Maybe I need to share whatever it is I’m smoking with you, lol.

Deanna 5 years ago

You know.. part of me kind of feels that way.. and then a mom who was a neighbor in my married, sahm life has just had her fourth. We knew each other when I had my second and she had her third. I have to say, this once totally put together woman looked sadly disheveled at kindergarten orientation. I am not saying that in a judging way, I felt sheer compassion for the woman. She looked exhausted, her kids even looked like they hadn’t had a hair brushing in a little while… and I know that isn’t easy.. when I have been too busy as a single mom of my two kids and we have had to run out the door far less than “put together”, it’s hard on the ego. If three kids puts a couple over the edge, four has got to be wild. It doesn’t look at all fun to me. I know that if I had stayed married to my ex, we would have had a third by now.. so, that’s a little strange for me accepting that my family is probably done growing. At 36 and with very uninspiring dating experiences, I am more sure that I’m done with each passing month 😉 But I do know what you mean, I have some very mixed feelings about it all, jealousy and competition sometimes among them. Then I remember how that otherwise beautiful woman looked that day, and I quickly get over it. And enjoy my nights of kid freedom and sleeping in..

Shawn B 5 years ago

We have 6 kids and the thing i hate is when i am out by myself w/ the kids and ppl look @ me like i’m some kind of welfare breeding freak but when we are all out with my husband of 12 yrs these same nuts all comment about what a big ole happy family we are and how u just dont see that now a days. I feel bad for single moms with a lot of kids wtf who are they to judge. I lovd the zoo like comments we get whime we are out like whew you’ve been a busy girl or are all these yours…and tjey say kids say the darndest things.

Shawn B 5 years ago

Ha ha thats funny i like the moms who want to one up another mom on healthy parenting practices and how in control of their children they are…what!

Saxon 5 years ago

Wow!! This is like exactly how I feel but have never told anyone!! I had my first baby before any of my friends really everyone I knew around my age! Then other people started having kids and then I got pregnant with my 2nd ( not on purpose but it happened) and then I started feeling the competition!! Everyone else started having their second and now a couple of my friends are having their first!! And I wanna be pregnant again so bad!! Then the other day my friend told menthey are gonna start trying for their third in like 6 months!! And now I’m really itching for another!! But there is no way we could afford another!! I am spool jealous of everyone who is pregnant or have more kids than me! I just keep trying to tell myself I’ll have two more in a couple years!! But I’m still wanting another NOW!! Hahaha

Jennifer 5 years ago

Oh man, I don’t feel jealous of those families at all. I’m so happy with my two and I know that there is absolutely no way I could handle another one. I can barely handle the two that I’ve got.

But I do get jealous of the whole looks thing. I get secretly envious if anyone says my kids look like my husband (even though they do) and beam with pride when someone says they look like me. I figure I did all the work I should get all the credit.

Julie 5 years ago

I’m not quite with you about the number of kids, but I’m expecting now and pissed that Everyone is pregnant now too! They are raining on my parade. I’m talking four friends, three coworkers wives, my sister and my brother’s wife. Really! Why couldn’t they wait until I was done? My brother’s kid isn’t even walking yet. Sometimes motherhood really does make you crazy.

S Club Mama 5 years ago

You’re not insane. We had our son before everyone else. Then we had #2 about the time everyone else was having #1. Now our friends are on to #2 and I want a #3 to go along.

Kim 5 years ago

When I was little, everyone said how much I looked like my Dad. When I got older, all I heard was how I looked exactly like my Mom – and still do. So you see Jill, there’s much hope 😉

Allyson 5 years ago

I have four kids (the last two are twins) and two dogs. Trust me when I say to pick a sports team and run for the nearest box of condoms.

Kim 5 years ago

I hope it’s normal! Every time somebody asks who I think my boys look like, I say me, even though it’s painfully obvious that they are the spitting image of their dad. And I was super proud of my ability to get my 2 under 2 out to play at My Gym yesterday… until I saw the mom there with 4 under 4… and she had make-up on! I’m such a loser.

Allyson 5 years ago

I have four kids (the last two twins) and two dogs. It is insane. Trust me when I say to pick a sports team and run for the nearest box of condoms.

Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog 5 years ago

HA! The number of kids my friends have is the absolute LAST thing I am competitive about with them. I only have one right now and I love it. The thought of even two kids scares me off a bit. And after spending time with friends that have more than two kids…let’s just say it makes me extra grateful for the medical miracle that is the IUD.

-Aimee

sue 5 years ago

Talk more at bdparty but just to make you feel better. How about being the mom with only one child. Desperate for another with everyone else around me pregnant and my eggs decide to go on permanent strike.

Jo 5 years ago

I understand how you feel, but I can honestly say I don’t feel like that at all, and I think it’s because I did the whole career thing first and then had my kids older, I am totally done with having any and having just the two (they both look like me lol) is perfect. I look at people with three or four and wonder how on earth they cope! I work part time while the kids are at school and the thought of going back to nappies, night time feeds, children’s tv and forgetting how to talk to grown ups (which I actually did, I think for three years I spoke to everyone like I was about to start spoon feeding them) fills me with dread.

Denise B. 5 years ago

Jill,
Never fear: If I hadn’t physically given birth to my child (who, BTW, is an in-vitro baby), I wouldn’t think she was mine. She resembles my husband in EVERY way. I always joke that I’m sure they used his sperm, but not so sure they used my egg!

As far as the keeping up — I gave up on that one. I’m behind on giving birth with most of my friends, who all started much earlier than I did. Be glad that you won’t be heading straight to the retirement home when your kids are grown. I gave birth at age 33, and worry about how “old” I am compared to other parents!

Patti 5 years ago

It’s SO you. Why in the he’ll did you start the website? Focus, focus, focus. Let the others win the race. Let them run across the finish line breaking the record. It’s not a race it’s life. Not to put your wonderful hubby’s done but most married moms are actually single moms. If you choose to have another you will have to change your site to Crazy Scary Mom, 4 and counting mom etc. Borrow my little man for a couple of days. He’s two boys in one.

Pua 5 years ago

Ugh, I HATE IT when people point out how much my husband looks like our oldest. I carried the child for nine months!! You can say SOMETHING, even if you’re lying.

Meredith Tedford 5 years ago

The grass is always greener…I saw a funny bumper sticker the other day that said: I may be 40, but at least I’m not pregnant. That sums it up for me.

Sarah@grownupnow 5 years ago

I understand where you’re coming from. My mom had us two girls, and my sister looks just like my dad, and I look just like my mom’s sister. But no one to look like my poor mom. I don’t have kids yet, but I’d be pissed if I popped out human beings, and neither of them looked like me.

Christine (Cook the Story) 5 years ago

I *totally* feel it. We provided both sets of our parents with their first grandkid. Since then, there’s been another grandkid on each side. I don’t know why, but it bothers me that someone else might have another before we do. Worse, so far it’s all been baby boys. What if someone else has the first girl? The weird thing is I love all these family members and want them to be happy. Really happy. I have no idea why there’s this tiny devil on my shoulder.

Playing Mom 5 years ago

Heather – amazing, amazing comment! You are awesome.

Ally 5 years ago

That’s funny – my son looks like my husband. Just the other day, I apparently made a face and the gal that cuts my hair (and his) was shocked at how much the look resembled my son. Yay!!! Finally!!! Even if I have to make a face to have him look like me! We only had one, and when my friends started having their seconds, and occasionally thirds, I was a little envious. Until we started traveling with ours, going places, doing things, while they were still changing diapers. I get it.

Rebecca 5 years ago

Although I’m not quite as competitive as you in the race for having children, I’m definitely competitive when it comes to development milestones in my son’s life.

I’m always trying to figure out where he is compared to other kids (a big mommy NO NO) but I can’t help it! I love that he’s hitting a hockey puck, dribbling a soccer ball, hitting a baseball, and he’s almost 2 and a half! LOL But, then I cry when he can’t say his whole alphabet.

So, I’m with ya on being the competitive mommy! Great post Jill. You always make me laugh :)

Bruna 5 years ago

Haha. I think it’s normal to feel this way, everybody does. What I “envy” the most is, how the hell can they have 4, 5 kids and always look so good and tidy and perfect while I am going nuts with ONLY 2 KIDS? And mine and REALLY easy kids! Oh come on! :)

tracey 5 years ago

I feel like I’m missing out on my middle age babies since all of my friends from high school have only just started having kids these past 5 years. They have BABIES! I have an almost 12 year old. I got married at 21, baby #1 at 22. I would love another shot at baby-time but my husband is DONE and enjoying the older kid stage. I am, too. But I am soooo jealous of that one last time baby…

Shannon 5 years ago

You’re not crazy… I’ve felt the same. Not only competition to have more kids, but to have had them first.

I’m the oldest on my side of the family; Shane is the oldest of his brothers. Somehow I got it in my head that we would be the first to give our parents their first grandchild… that this was our right as being the oldest of our siblings.

So while we’re struggling to get pregnant, Shane’s youngest brother knocks up his girlfriend. Oh, and they were JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL at the time. So my in-laws get their 1st grandbaby… but not from me.

About 6 months later, I finally get pregnant! YAY! Announce it to our families, and I tell myself “At least I’ll have the 1st grandchild on my side of the family”.

Two weeks later, my brother and his wife announce they are expecting. My sis-in-law’s due date? FOUR DAYS BEFORE MINE.

The Domestic Goddess 5 years ago

Sometimes. I mean, I am jealous when friends have babies but mine are 8 and 10 and…well, I’m not going through the leaky boob stage anymore. let’s just say that.

But I’m still jealous. I’m one of seven kids. I love large families.I love the chaos. The husband just doesn’t share my enthusiasm.

Kim 5 years ago

Social network doesn’t help when you see all those darling pictures of those bigger, better families! I have two boys and have also envyed those families with more offspring. The only thing I had left was that my youngest, now 8, was the ‘baby’ in the extended family. Well, not anymore!!! There were two new baby girls added over the last 2 months!!! So, now I have nothing left to claim. UMPH.

Heather @ nobody-but-yourself 5 years ago

We were the first of our circle of friends to get married (but only because we had an early January wedding whereas all our friends much more sensibly chose to get married in spring, summer or early fall). We may’ve been the teensiest bit smug about that, as we spent the next two years attending/being in all of our college friends’ weddings, being the “old, married couple” as we were. We also were the first among our friends to take the plunge from renting to owning when we bought our first house. Again, possibly the teensiest bit smug when sending out those Change of Address cards. And the Christmas card in which we posed in front of the new house, all twinkling with lights. Heck, we even were the first ones in our circle of friends to buy a minivan – before we were even pregnant, due to timing of cars dying and needing replacing, but hey, we’d thrown out my BC pills, certainly we’d be holding the first of our 2.5 kids annnnny month now!

Then Karma came around and bit us right in the ass. We didn’t get pregnant. Then, some friends of ours – friends who didn’t even have a house yet, egads! – gave us the news that they were expecting. Well, she was a few years older than the rest of us, so of course they’d be trying sooner. No biggie. Then another couple announced similar news. By this point, I was doing headstands after Doing It and obsessively charting my BBT, etc. Nothing. Then, finally, yay blue lines! Only as hard as it was for my body to get pregnant turned out to be nothing compared to how violently my body opposed staying pregnant. MC 1. MC 2.

Fast forward to our 8th wedding anniversary. That minivan is starting to look kinda scungy, but not because of kids throwing Goldfish and Cheerios on the floor or spilling sippy cups. Just old age. We’re getting all sorts of birth announcements and Christmas cards in the mail each year. We were the Biggest Losers in that regard. Damn my faulty girly bits.

We wound up adopting (a journey through a Hell I wouldn’t wish on my dearest enemy) and became parents of one. And so we have stayed, while our friends and siblings have gone on to have two, three, even four kids. We certainly never meant to have an “only” but that is the way life turned out. Believe me, there is guilt enough when our kiddo asks for a sibling. It is much, much harder to bear the endless comments and judgments from those who are parents of More Than One. Everything from “Oh, you have only one?” to “You don’t understand what it’s like, you have just one kid.” In fact, my one sister (now a mother of three) doesn’t really consider me a parent at all, since I have only one kid.

It is to her and those other Judgy McJudgersons that I say “HAHAHAHAHAHA” when I hear their sob stories of their kids passing germs back and forth, tales of how they haven’t had a solid night’s sleep in years, complaints about the cost of formula and diapers and the unwieldiness of double strollers…..

So yeah, in conclusion, I’ve been on both sides of the competition and have learned the lesson of humility that goes with being on the losing side.

(Oh, one last thing. Even though she was adopted, our daughter bears more than a passing resemblance to me. Enough so that folks who don’t know I didn’t pop her out of my own uterus will comment on how we look alike. Coincidentally, her birth mother and I look like we could be cousins. Luck of the draw; I myself was adopted and grew up as a “Which One is Not Like the Others?” as the Italian, brown eyed, brunette, shorter, curvier person among a family of German, taller, blonde haired, blue/green eyed skinny folk. So, I do still get those resemblance comments even though I had nothing to do with my kiddo’s genes. It’s like a black fly in my Chardonnay or a free ride when I’ve already paid….)

Jen 5 years ago

HA! Me too.

Dani 5 years ago

Jill, I think it’s more about feeling like other people can handle things that you can’t. I feel this way all the time. How come some people have four kids, a spotless house, cook amazing dinners, make up creative art projects, get 8 hours of sleep and host parties weekly? Some people are just wired that way. You should be happy that when your other friends are still dealing with poop, can’t go on a peaceful vacation, have broken sleep every night and can’t listen to their own songs in the car that you are at a different, new stage. It’s almost like once your smallest child hits 4, you’re not part of that “mommy world” anymore and you enter into “mother world”. It’s hard to let go and I will freak out about it, too. You’ll have plenty of people right there with you ready for that next amazing stage.

Lori Z. 5 years ago

Go Celtics?

We were young, too, and now that our youngest is out of diapers and will be off to preschool in the fall, people ask when we’ll have our third. The answer? Never! The kids are interesting now–not that holding a new baby isn’t wonderful and gazing into each others’ eyes isn’t magical–but now they say funny things; they might do things to cheer you up.

And ditto to the other parents who mentioned PTA. If I have to be there any longer than the time alotted for two kids I’ll burn this mofo down.

Chaplain Donna 5 years ago

I think it is normal. We all want to be respected and create a persona around what we do well. The only problem is we do not plan for the future when the moment feels so good. Before you know it everyone that admires you, is you and does it better. I think having a 5, 10 and 25 year plans and goals always moves you forward and keeps things fresh. A lot of work, but it allows you to grow and not feel like yesterdays news. I think you also have to accept yourself and know you are more than enough. Those solo competitions are the worse. Nothing speaks louder than our own thoughts.

Lori Stefanac (Lola) 5 years ago

Personally, I am incredibly competitive, but only with people who don’t realize there’s a competition going on. It’s amazing how often a person can WIN under those circumstances.

MamaBennie 5 years ago

Both of my girls look exactly like my husband’s sister….PISSES ME OFF. When people see us in public, they are confused as to how we have 2 blonde little girls with blue eyes. My husband has brown hair and brown eyes and my hair is naturally auburn and I have green eyes so apparently genetics confuses people.

SaucyB 5 years ago

Well pass me the award for under achiever of the year because I’m ‘one and done’ with the procreation over here. haha
I do know what you mean about who the kids look like though. When my son was first born I kind of felt bad for my husband because E just completely looked like my side of the family. People would actually bust on my husband like “yeah, sorry man. I don’t see any of your genes in there.”
Now that he’s 5 he looks like a combination of the two of us and really more like his daddy every day.

SaucyB’s last blog… Make Me Laugh Monday

mommyk8 5 years ago

I have just one, and it makes me feel like a huge loser. I don’t really know if I even want anymore, but I feel totally unjustified in complaining at all about everything. Maybe I should have more kids so I feel like I have a right to complain.

Autherine 5 years ago

I understand your feelings. I have 3 boys (6, 3 and 20 months) and I seem to be the only one who thinks that they look like me. When I hold their face in the mirror next to my face, I see myself but everyone else looks at them as sees daddy. Maybe that is best. Maybe the boys shouldn’t look like mommy. Although I am not jealous of others with more kids, I am a little disappointed in myself. I always wanted at least 5 kids and then realized that I have my hands full with my 3 and I am just not up to the task. I am still holding out hope of adopting in a few years when my kids get older.

Jessica McFadden – A Parent in Silver Spring 5 years ago

I feel so competitive and jealous of other moms sometimes that I think I need to go confess it in Scary Mommy Confessions.

Shannon 5 years ago

I don’t feel this way at all. I have two kids and feel grateful that I don’t have to deal with diapers or baby stuff anymore. I’m happy that we can just pick up and go on trips, out to dinner, etc, without major planning.I love that my kids are getting to be more independent. I’m so looking forward to the next phase of my life, while several of my friends with 4-5 kids still have babies now. Good for them, I know I couldn’t handle any more.

Vinobaby 5 years ago

First of all, I honestly believe my friends with four or five kids are certifiably insane. And they DO think they are better Mommies than us lowly parents with fewer kids. Yet I have to listen to them moan and complain on facebook everyday about the craziness in their lives. Well, uh, yeah–you have five kids! Did you really think life would be like the Brady Bunch?

I tried to have a second kid for years. It was a daily struggle. It was a competition. All my other friends managed to get pregnant with number two, some with number three, some even by accident, while my self-respect and self-confidence dissolved. I wasn’t a good enough mother to deserve another child. My body had betrayed me. I had lost.

Eventually I realized that we DO all have the number of kids we can handle.

Right now I LOVE having an only child. I feel superior. I have time to myself, time to read, write, take a bubble bath while my friends are still battling poopy diapers and don’t even have time to brush their hair. We took a family vacation to Costa Rica because we could. It became my own competition, and I was the best Mother in the World.

And anyway…my kid is cuter, smarter, eats all his veggies, and slept through the night at 4 weeks…nah, nah, na na nah….

themanager 5 years ago

I completely get it! I had my 1st at 20, my second at 23 & my 3rd at 29. I was way ahead of the game & now they are all popping out kids. I want another so badly but I’m not sure if we will yet. I am competitive in everything I do & this is no different for me,

I think you are 100% normal! That means I am too!

charissa 5 years ago

*Raises hand and waves wildly!*

I already had a 4 year old when we got married at 25 and we had our next child two years later, followed two years later by our third and somewhere in the middle, adopted a teenager. We are WAY ahead of our friends. Our kids are 21, 10, 4 and 2. Most of our friends have kids about the ages of our two littlest- mostly closer to the littlest one. They are all starting to work on their second. I should be totally fine with that- I’m still the veteran mama on the block, yet I feel pressure about having more. Have I love my mind? If so, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one!

Rebecca 5 years ago

Maybe I can help. As your real life friend with two plus twins, I am often envious of my friends with two. I remember what it was like to have two and it was hard, for sure. I know that. But four is like, doubly as hard. And with twins, it is an added element of hardness. Like when they wake each other up from naps. Like when you get one changed, dressed, bundled and in the car and you realize you have to do it AGAIN. Like when one is screaming and the other one was fine until they hear the other screaming and then you have two screaming. I’m not complaining (just kidding! I totally am!) but maybe the grass is always greener. The great thing about having four: people are insanely impressed when I do ANYTHING – like get dressed, feed my kids, show up at a school program…. People practically applaud. It makes it (almost) all worth it.

Jenny 5 years ago

I have to admit I don’t get that, but I think the reason is (1) that I have infertility–so dreams of a large family just aren’t realistic and (2), I came from a family of four so I know first hand the insanity. Four kids? Ever try to get a family of 6 a table at a family friendly restaurant that doesn’t take reservations? It’s a nightmare. Noooo thanks! I’m happy with my two miracle children and some days I wonder how other people handle more than two! But I’m competitive about other things, so I guess that’s just the competitive thing you happen to pick. We all have our thing, right?

Amanda 5 years ago

This is how I look at it too. While my friends will still be doing PTA, sports events, open house, etc., my kids will be on their way off to independent lives outside of my home. I like that, and then I can laugh, point, and say “Haha,” like they did to me when I was having babies and they weren’t married with children yet. My husband and I will be young enough to enjoy the years after kids, and I like it that way.

Krimsin 5 years ago

I have one son. That’s it ours isbeautiful super smart and pisses other friends off who started when we did and have more kids. I still have tools ask when we are having another. Uterus Closed. You have your family and will only be flipping the bill for 3 college educations. You may not have as many kids, but know your sanity limits. My?MIL says little dude like just like her son. Hairwise maybe. Hes got my olive complexion thank god, my eyes. Other than that the hubs avd i are featured simular. She just can’t get over her power as the sole childbearing person in the family was defunct by me. How bad is she, she calls him her boy. Wackadoo.

Kelly 5 years ago

I am a very competitive person too, but not when it comes to kids. My hubby and I were also the first to get married..first to buy a house..first to have kids….it was hard. But now, I am sooooo glad we were ahead of the curve. Life, part II is about to begin and we are looking forward to it! :)

shelly 5 years ago

I also feel that way. Only I started WAY late. And can barely handle one kid and a crazy child. I don’t even know if we’ll be ABLE to have more, but I look at friends and neighbors, 60% of whom are pregnant and 30% of whom are really not great parents and feel jealous. How’s that for loserdom?

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I can’t imagine how YOU do it! 4 kids and 2 dogs? I could not handle that!

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Thank you!! He actually looks very much like my brother. Who looks like me. Some people see Jeff in him, though. I despise those people.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

You NEED a baby. I might just have to give Gary a talking to myself.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Those thighs are not normal. And they fill me with rage.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

You have twins and they look like both sides of your family?? You totally won.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I doubt it. Men aren’t wired the same way. Although, he may wonder if she’s really his.

From Belgium 5 years ago

At least you will understand my silent frustation about the fact that my childeren both have their fathers brown eyes and not my blue-grey ones.
Don’t worry you will get payback with the grandchilderen, they are garanteed to look exactly like you!

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That’s exactly it! And, yes, 3 is my limit. Limits are good. :)

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That’s a MUCH better way of looking at it. This shall be my new mindset.

Jacq 5 years ago

You are not alone in this. We had 4 kids in 6 years, and also have two dogs . I’m completely overwhelmed 90% of the time, but when I hear of someone having 5 kids or more I do feel jealous, it’s insane! And you aren’t a loser at all, your kids are probably better off as three of them. I feel I can’t possibly give my children the attention they deserve, they are always fighting for more. I honestly don’t know how people with more than 4 manage.

arlete soffiatti 5 years ago

I haven´t read all the comments before mine, so probably I will sound repetitive. But there is a reason why children look like their father. We have to take into consideration that, in the past, there were no DNA tests and the only way for the father not to have any doubts about being the actual father was to have in their hands a spitting image of themselves. How can a father go against the grain if everybody around him keeps saying that the baby is a “Mini Me” of him?
I have just had my second baby at 42 and see myself doing exactly what you mentioned. I won the game of being the oldest around to have a healthy baby but I could not win the game of having a normal delivery while a colleague was having her fourth without even having a PDA , being able to squatting some hours later and going home just after 2 days at hospital. But she is 29. See, how competitive a mother can be?

Monika 5 years ago

Haha – I spent a good 20 minutes ranting on Sunday about this mum at school who is pregnant with her 5th and I am sure that a not insignificant part of that was because it makes me feel like a failure just having 3!

Anthony 5 years ago

Here’s my competition-ish type thing: I feel like I am the absolute best out of anyone in the world when it comes to interacting with children. I seriously am way too good at it. But when kids are giving some other person attention, I get a bit jealous. Totally ridiculous, but I guess I love kids so much I want them to be spending all their time with me and for me to be their favorite friend in all of their lives.

maternity clothes chick 5 years ago

I have 3 kids via c-section (aged 4 1/2 and under) and run a business. But I can’t help finding myself feeling like a bit of a loser when my friend recently popped out her 4th (also via c). And she’s a high-earning estate attorney. And takes her kids to ballet. And does CRAFTS. And then even finds time to plan weekend getaways to Napa with friends sans kids.

So in company with Supermom, sometimes I DO feel that green monster arising within me. And then at other times, I just think the bitch is showing off.

Thanks for a venue and support to sound off, Jill. You are Scary in the very best way!

Momlissa 5 years ago

You’re not crazy, at least I don’t think so. As hellacious as my life can be at times and how I think I wasn’t cut out to have 3 kids close in age, I look at the women who had 3 kids under 2 years old….and then had another in quick succession and think “Those moms are so much cooler!” lol.

Tepary 5 years ago

I’m guess those thighs are totally airbrushed or the thighs of a 15 year old who has all that awful teenage angst to go through.

Scary Mommy,
You’re crazy. In the best possible way of course.

Jessica Torres 5 years ago

I know exactly how you feel about your kids not looking anything like you. My youngest is the exact replica of her father. Every time I go out in public, just me and her, strangers comment that she must look like her dad since she looks nothing like me. The only person who sees any similarities between me and my kids is my mom and I personally think she is lying. As far as other people having more kids than I do, my opinion is let them. I have two kids and that is plenty for me. I don’t want any more kids and frankly I don’t understand why anyone would want more than two kids. Too much craziness for me.

myevil3yearold 5 years ago

I am VERY competitive. But, my limit is two and I know it. I have friends that are on to their 3rd and I am jealous of the whole new baby thing but then I make some smirky comment about going to get a good night’s sleep and I feel better.

Lara 5 years ago

I think rather than competition on popping out kids I feel more jealous. Especially when I cruise through gloatbook, oh look, their vacation was cooler than mine. Oh look, their job is more glamorous than mine. (Never you mind, right now, my job is raising a human being, kinda a big deal) Oh look, their wedding cake was bigger than mine. I think we all shaft ourselves somehow, we all play some crazy mental game where we’re always the losers. Jealousy is mine.

Mairin 5 years ago

I also had kids before any of my friends, and I have to say that I do not envy ANY of my friends who are having more. In fact, I take satisfaction in knowing that soon I will be the one who gets to sleep late on weekends, take long airplane flights without wanting to kill myself (we live overseas), not spend half of my income on diapers, be able to go shopping by myself without having to time it in between breastfeeds, and actually go on vacations that involve snorkeling and hiking rather than family-friendly resorts with kids’ clubs. When this happens, I know that all of my friends who continue to have babies will be supremely jealous of ME!

The Domestic Yogi 5 years ago

The more children you have, the more you are a mother. Perhaps that is the thinking behind it, albeit not necessarily a correct one.

Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment 5 years ago

You are too cool for school, lady. I wish I could see you in person–we’d get along splendidly. I have been having the same feelings. It’s so weird. Competition over how many kids you have? Yeah. Because it makes me feel like, if they can handle it, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Am I not adventurous enough? Strong enough? Capable enough?

(And then I remember, I’m not dumb enough. Two is my limit. It’s good to know your own limits.)

Jill 5 years ago

Completely normal!!! I love how honest you are about something we all try to deny. I think it is connected to our need to give the very best to our kids in a weird, twisted way. And, it is connected to our desire to make a difference in the world–more kids, more chance of making a difference. By the way, my competitiveness about number of kids is a determination to have only two and be satisfied, even though more sounds like fun, yet I see others with 3, 4, 5 children and you are right, it is insanity! I am pretty sure my determination to keep it to two is just as crazy-making and since twins run in my family, I probably shouldn’t hold my breath. To being transparent!!!

Karla 5 years ago

We didn’t even want one, let alone the charming three helions we ended up with! Unless our latest sacrificial lamb is rejected, we’re done and happy for it. :)

Nina 5 years ago

Jill-this is a great topic. I think a subtle “How many kids do you have?” competition seems to exist. The only thing that bugs me is if I end up with more volunteer stuff at the school because I “only have 3” while others have more. Of course, I wonder if make people with less than three feel the same . . . “You’ll see when you have more . . . ” THAT kind of thing.

Carabee 5 years ago

My daughter looks EXACTLY like me. I wonder if it pisses my husband off?

Cheryl Wilms 5 years ago

I personally do not feel competitive with other moms, in fact I feel empathetic and willing to learn from other moms. I have had friends and family members however that have felt the urge to compete and I have just not wanted that feeling present because then we would be so busy focusing on what is not important when we can be working together. I have also felt judged by older moms because some have a different perception on what motherhood should be and I have found myself trying to explain my reasons for doing certain things with my parenting. I really don’t think I owe anyone an explanation with how I choose to raise my children. I rather support than compete against someone because I do not want another mom to feel like she is not doing a good job based on my parenting and vice versa.

Amanda 5 years ago

The competitive drive is definitely strong with me. I decided only after my twins were 5 years old that I was finished having kids, but that is not where my competitiveness lies. I want my kids to be the smartest kids out there. I want them to work hard and master things easily. I have to remind myself occasionally that they are their own people and will master each task when they are ready.

Then there are the genetics. We have twin boys, both of whom look like me. Oops. They are fraternal. They don’t look alike. One looks like my Mom’s side and the other looks like my Dad’s side. Fortunately, when we are in our home town, everyone who sees the kid who looks like my Dad thinks he looks like my husband.

Cheryl 5 years ago

More is not always better. You got it goin’ on, Scary. Kick back and enjoy your ride and avoid the chaos of the “keeping ups!”

The Domestic Yogi 5 years ago

I feel the competitive drive, but not about having the most children. Every day I worry about not being a good mom, or not being the best mom I can be. Included in my worrying is knowing other people who can afford XYZ, and therefore I am clearly going to raise stupid kids. Oh the mind spins I can play on myself.

Sometimes I get so worked up and so stressed about it that I physically have to take deep breaths at the end of the day to try to calm myself down. I try to remember: the best gift you can give yourself is just being present. I truly believe this. However, I then remember about all the times I ignored my kids and did housework or was on the computer or who knows what else, and start to get worked up again. Deep breaths. The sad part is I never considered myself a soft “worry” type person. But becoming a mother, and being competitive has really knocked my socks off!

Kimberly 5 years ago

I had my two boys 14 and 11 years ago. My sister had her two boys 6 and 5 years ago. Until she finally confessed to me that she wasn’t having more kids, I was hell bent on the winning the “having more kids” battle even though there was no potential baby daddy anywhere near me. Sigh. Thank God for her IUD.

Tracy 5 years ago

There are others like me? I was 18 when I got married and 19 when we had our first, now we have three, and the youngest is 10, I look at other families with more kids and want more so bad, but at the same time I can’t wait until my youngest is 18 LOL I drive my husband crazy with it on an almost daily basis! Good thing I am infertile, it really is the only thing that keeps me sane LOL If I could have children without intervention I think I would do it on a whim without thinking twice, knowing that I have to go to the dr to get pregnant gives me plenty of time to think it over LOL

Joanie 5 years ago

Talk about keeping up with the Joneses!! We had friends who got married 3 weeks after we did. We went to Acapulco for our honeymoon. They went to Acapulco for their honeymoon (at least they stayed at a different hotel).
We had Gina in July 1984, they had Colleen in December 1984. We had Tim in March 1988, they had Danny in June 1988.
In April 1990, I called her to warn her I was pregnant again. She finally stopped copying me. Now they are coming up on 30 years of marriage and I’ve been divorced for 4 years.
Copycats.

Crystal 5 years ago

Holy crap! I honestly feel the same way!! We may have met in a previous life. We have 4 kiddos…and trust me, our hands are full. But seeing others with bigger families makes me want to “beat them”…as if this is a competition. If so-and-so can handle 5 then surely I should be able to handle 6 right?! It’s crazy…I’m crazy…but crazy loves company…so I’m feeling much better!!!

New Mommy 5 years ago

Love your honesty! I have a little one, hubby wants 2, and I can’t help but think calling it ‘quits’ so to speak after 2 might feel like we didn’t ‘do all we could do’- so yes! I guess I can relate!

Megan (Best of Fates) 5 years ago

Thoughts:
1) Your sponsor ad is starting to give me complexes about my thighs. Yes, this is clearly an issue I should explore. Or completely ignore. One of those.
2) People talk about/comment on kids resemblance to the dad far more than the mom because they’re reinforcing paternity. Not that I’m saying there’s a doubt about your kids father, or that they don’t strongly resemble them – but as they get older the comments will decrease. Or maybe your genes will start doing their job and claiming some face space!
3) Would it be wrong for you to invent a fake kid or two to jump ahead of your friends? I mean, there can always be late in life estrangements.

Breeh 5 years ago

I’m one of THOSE moms. The ones with four kids and two dogs. I also work and go to school full time. There is a trade off, my house is never exactly tidy.
We’ve been in this race since birth. To compete for our parents attention, to earn friends, to be the “coolest.” Now we compete to see who can juggle the most. Who has the most on their plate I stopped this for myself long ago, I simply don’t have time for it. I cannot take on another thing (except perusing great blogs like this.) I chose my family and opportunities I wanted to pursue over the race to have the most, the best, the cleanest.
Best of luck with your struggle, just know that four really is one too many.

Caryl 5 years ago

I second what Cheryl said!!
Caryl

Life with Kaishon 5 years ago

I think more would be better. You are so darn good at it : ) And remember…you don’t have to worry about heating the bottle or anything. I am almost positive this next one is going to look JUST like you!

I want a baby so badly. I don’t know how to convince Gary. I have tried EVERYTHING. I am going crazy.

Bella 5 years ago

Okay. I really want to tell you that I am jealous of people with five children or even four. But I would be lying. I have 2 and I got to keep my sanity. Sort of. There is a possibility that my kids will grow up and move out while I am still fairly young lol. I do not want more kids.

I do experience the dna envy though as both my boys look SO much like their Dad!

Heidi 5 years ago

Oh, this is perfect! We’re not in a place to have another baby yet, but *everyone* is already on #2 and I feel like a total loser. I actually scolded myself for even caring earlier today, so I’m so glad to know that if I’m crazy, at least I’m not alone! Ha!

Jennifer 5 years ago

Hmmm…understand the feeling but after spending any actual length of time with my brother’s kids (he has four), coming back to my two seems like a piece of cake.

Purplepiff65 5 years ago

I actually pity moms who have more than one. I only have one and I plan on keeping it that way for a while!!

Christine 5 years ago

So glad I am not the only one! We always planned on 4 kids, but after 3 and a loss we decided that was it for us. Every time I see someone with 4 I feel like I am such a slacker for only having 3.

Jazz 5 years ago

not just you…we were that trail blazing couple aswell..i loved it..and although no one we know has caught up to us in the kids department (we have 5) I still feel-worry-drive myself crazy about a ton of other things..and in the childrens looks department…I lost too…which doubley drives me nuts because my husband is a total Irish whitey and I am dark complected…I should have the domonent genes right?…NOT…all my babies are whitey dighteys…before we decided to homeschool..our oldest went to pre-k and the first “parent day” teacher saw me and said “oh you must be (insert name here)” I was like no..I’m gavin’s mom.. teacher went on and on about how she just wouldn’t have pegged me as his mother and how much they look like my husband…and dont get me started about what my in-laws say..lol…sometimes I feel like I was just the incubater..LOL

Mardi 5 years ago

So is Ben your mini-me, DNA match? Because he is SUPER CUTE. I don’t get jealous over people having more kids, although sometimes I get a twinge when I see cute little girl clothes.