Book Tour Failure

I was so focused on not flashing my Spanx on the Today Show and all of the other events during the day, that I completely neglected to promote that I had a reading at Barnes and Noble at 7PM.

At all.

We arrived at 6:45 and the room was empty. Like, completely empty. Literally. When I peeked out at 6:55, there were exactly two people in the crowd. They were in their eighties, had no idea who I was and were obviously just looking for a quiet place to sit. See?

Way to go, Jill!

Fortunately, a few other people trickled in and I wasn’t stuck solely talking to grandparents not belonging to me. But reading to an enormous room filled with ten people was a pretty humbling experience, and not one I’d like to repeat. Ever. So, come see me when I’m in your town, ok?

I’ll be sure to tell you about it this time.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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Insane Jane 3 years ago

Oh Scary Mommy, I just found your blog after hearing about you on Crappy Pictures … Heading to Amazon right now for the book. I’m all the way in Perth, Aust so your book is going a long, long way!

Headacheslayer 3 years ago

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I can’t believe I missed you in Orlando!! But I couldn’t have come :( DH was out of town and me and DS had the flu.

Come back to FL please @scarymommy ? PLEASE let me know if you do and I’ll do what I can to get you a full house 😉 We have a BAMM here plus a great library system.

Ann moser 3 years ago

Hi Jill, keep up what you are doing! It is all an amazing journey. The book is fantastic. I have posted your Today show segments, your website, Tweeted and Facebook pages. My friends and colleagues are raving about it. I am in an amazing book and I have suggested it… Maybe you can be a part of that discussion down the road. And bring Amy with you as I am old friend from our college days… Best of luck with everything!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

YES, thank God. Last two nights have been fantastic!

Elaine 3 years ago

I think it went better tonight, yes? 😉

And congrats on your standings!!

Kerrie McLoughlin 3 years ago

don’t worry, you will soon be a book promotion professional machine, baby! i think you rock and hope your book outsells anything dr. phil ever did!

Allie | Ramblings of a WAHM 3 years ago

I’m on the book tour list so I’ll be keeping an eye out. :-)

~Allie

Nicole 3 years ago

I had to work Thursday, otherwise, I would have come when you were in Baltimore. BUMMER! Hope it went well!

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

Wish you were visiting my area! I would totally come to your signing.

Keep rocking! Sounds like your book is doing great!

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

Your East Side Fan Club looks adorable! Congrats dear friend. xoxo

Jackie Hennessey 3 years ago

Jill – Psyched to see you tonight! The Warwick paper ran something http://warwickonline.com/stories/Jill-Smokler-to-do-book-signing-at-Barnes-Noble-Jill-Smokler-to-do-book-signing-at-Barnes-Noble-,69743?category_id=4&town_id=1&sub_type=stories. I just emailed you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You’re living the dream right now and we’re all proud of you! You crack us up! The woman who gave you one star probably just needs some chocolate, a vacation and a date night (if you know what I mean). When you get a chance to, please feel free to stop by my lonely page. 😉 http://www.amazon.com/Spread-Sanity-Cracker-Mom-mom/dp/0985031808

Christine @ Quasi Agitato 3 years ago

I ordered mine a few days ago! I can’t wait to read it!!

That never being satisfied thing…I share it…it’s both a blessing and a curse. Believe in your awesomeness.

humanmama 3 years ago

ordered my book last week…should be here soon. Can’t wait! Normally I would just BORROW this from someone, but I wanted to catapult you to fame. I mean, more fame. : ) Hope the stress level is down, somewhat!

Ronda 3 years ago

That picture broke my heart and I want to help “bury” that bitch that gave you one star. That phrase made me laugh/snort. I have never been to Burlington MA but I will be in NH traveling back to CT on the 11th and I will stop at the B&N to support you. Holla!

Abby 3 years ago

I missed the Port Discovery event because my kids were home on spring break and I swore I would never step foot in that place again after last time when we lost one of the kids in the creepy crooked house for 40 min. Did I see somewhere that you’re going to be at Alonso’s in Baltimore next week?

Johanna 3 years ago

Got your book in the mail on Thursday and have already read half of it. It’s so much fun! Will leave you a review when I’m done.

Jennifer Rustgi 3 years ago

Wish you were coming to Austin!

Regina 3 years ago

After reading a few pages online, I bought my own kindle copy. I’m super excited to start reading it. Hoping after the busy weekend, I can. Especially while waiting for my daughter during dance class and the loudness that goes on in the waiting room. You will be my calgon! I can’t wait to be taken away!

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying 3 years ago

lol – but what a nice way to get your ass kicked. 😉

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Oh, LOVED it!!! Can’t wait to meet you!! I have drink plans after, but maybe we can just combine them!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

It’s great, I’m glad you did. And, thank you!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

May 4th at 7:00 PM at ANDERSON’S BOOKSHOP in Naperville.

Come!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

That’s awesome!! Thank you!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

SO cool!!! THANK YOU!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

That makes me SO happy!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

That’s fantastic. See you soon!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Oh, I will. Lesson learned.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

No plans to yet, but will keep you posted!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Thanks so much!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

YAY!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

You make me laugh. XO

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Not yet, my hopefully. Would love to get out west!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Awesome. And, can’t wait for STL!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

That made me SO happy. Can’t wait to meet you.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Missed you, but so great to see Jamie’s face. Thank goodness she was there.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

YAY!! See you soon!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Also, getting my ass kicked. This is exhausting.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Thank you SO much!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

You’re so sweet. XOXO

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Thanks so much!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

I’d love to get to Minnesota. So many cool people there!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Oh, thank you, my friend. And, yeah. Rough night. Onwards and upwards. XO

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

SO much fun. XOXO

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

So funny! And, thanks so much!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Will do my best. For you. :)

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

PLEASE do!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Neve gonna happen. :) And, no, not yet, But that would be FUN!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

No! Oddly enough. Will see if I can get one added, though. Will be in Bethesda, though.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

No plans yet, but if enough people buy there, maybe? I’d love to get out to Texas!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Not yet, but if I sell enough books there, they might send me. So, buy up! :)

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Me too!!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

I would LOVE to get to San Francisco. Will do my best.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

YAY!!! Thanks so much!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

You’re awesome. So excited to see you!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

I missed you!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

I’ll do my best. And, she does.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

thank you sooo much!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

You are a genius. :)

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Awesome! And, no, no Spanx required. I’ll even ditch mine. For you.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

No plans yet, but will keep you posted!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Yeah, you’d think there’d be more of that, wouldn’t you?

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Would LOVE to see you!!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

So glad to hear that!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Your review was awesome, thank you SO much!! And, I would lose my shit if that happened. I can’t even think of it as a reality.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

I know they are trying to sell the rights, but I don’t think Australia has bitten yet…

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Thanks so much, I appreciate that!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Thanks sooo much!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Can’t wait to see you!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Will let you know; I’ve never been to Madison! Thanks!!

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

YAY!!! See you soon!

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 3 years ago

Turning pages…smiling, giggling, laughing, even a snort or two. Check out my latest post about my stuggles to enjoy my new book in peace.

Loving the book, and will gladly post a review on Amazon…gotta bury that peach pit’s review.

And I’m looking forward to seeing you in Burlington on Wednesday! If all goes well with kids & babysitter arrangements (saying prayers, considering sacrificial gift to the Momming gods), my Needham Bloggin’ Mama posse (3) will be with me, too.

Charlotte 3 years ago

I have seen your name appear all over the place lately, so it makes sense that I finally hop on over and leave a comment at your home. Hope that’s okay :)

I have many, MANY mom friends I know would get a kick from your book. So I have decided that since so many of my mom blogger friends love it so much, that this will be my gift of choice to them all. I would love to support a fellow blogger who has clearly worked her butt off to get to where she is today. Hats off to you, and continued success with your book! XOXO

Mary 3 years ago

When/where will you be in Chicago? I’ll be there! Looking forward to getting my copy soon. Congrats on your success – all of it!

Mary at ATeachableMom recently posted Mama Needs a Hit

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Phew! Because I don’t know anyone in Concord!!

Larissamj 3 years ago

55 5 star reviews when I bought the third copy of your book tonight. So far one for me, one for my BFF and one for a first time expecting mother. Next planned are for Sisters and mother. I LOVE your book! Great job Jill!

Mayor Gia 3 years ago

Hahaha spanx are nothing to be ashamed of!

Tami 3 years ago

Congrats on the book Jill…I have (of course) ordered five copies of your book. One for me and four for my friends. I live in Trinidad, so we have to wait for my cousin to come back to bring it for us. You are even rocking in Trinidad. How cool is that!!!

Emma 3 years ago

read the book in less than 48 hours. hilarious. i actually laughed out loud and that hardly ever happens while reading a book these days. not only did i laugh, i couldn’t stop. freaking hilarious.
you rock.

KeAnne 3 years ago

I wish you were coming to Raleigh, but I’m planning in road tripping to Myrtle Beach so I can meet you! I’m telling everyone I know who has a brain and sense of humor about your book!

Lynn from For Love or Funny 3 years ago

Please keep telling us where your appearances will be! I’d love to come give you a hug and cheer for you!

Erin@MommyontheSpot 3 years ago

I am planning on buying your book STAT!

Please tell me you are coming to Michigan for a book signing!

BA 3 years ago

Just received the book yesterday…it is my weekend plan to read it I cannot wait! I will be sure and write wonderful reviews on any site I can. Good luck on the book tour!

Caryl 3 years ago

Got the book yesterday. Got halfway through it while inhaling my bowl of cereal something-or-other from Trader Joe’s this morning.

LMAO all the way.

Cheers,
Caryl

Carrie 3 years ago

Just assume the nasty review was your hardback not realizing it was your kindle kicking it’s ass.

Yeah. That’s it.

I’m not sure being a flake at times and never being satisfied isn’t part of the makeup of being a woman.

I know I’ve had my flakier-ass moments and have not gone out with a man for a 2nd date because he didn’t wash his car on the first date.

How’s THAT for never being satisfied?

I think you’re pretty fab and your book is pretty fab and there’s lots and lots of comments here that say the same thing.

So bring on that flakey shit and never be satisfied! Hip, hip, hooooooray!!

Allie | Ramblings of a WAHM 3 years ago

Ordered my copy! I can’t wait to get it! Hopefully by April 20th.

Any tour dates in Bay Area? Would love to see ya!

~Allie

MommaC 3 years ago

Read it. Loved it. Plan to read it again.
See you in the LOU… :)

Eve 3 years ago

If I lived in NY, I SO would have been there. I’ll just have to wait and meet you in Burlington, MA next week! Seriously, it’s gonna be the highlight of my week!! I took the liberty of telling, er demanding, that my readers, especially my local Boston readers, come out and show their support next week. You’re an amazing woman and I’m so very thankful that I stumbled upon your blog a few years ago when I was a newbie mama, who had no idea what she’d gotten herself into. You made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t a failture. And I could totally do this gig called motherhood. For that? I am in your debt. No joke. You helped me and inspired me. So thank you, Jill Smokler. You are amazing. (and Kathy Lee is an asshat.)

Coleen Hamilton 3 years ago

Hi Jill, Wished I could have been @NYC book signing. You were fabulous on theToday Show! Yesterday began Spring break for NY kids so I expect that many Mom’s were crying that they missed you at B & N from their beach resorts. I so look forward to enjoying your book. XX

Andrea 3 years ago

You make me laugh with every post – See you in Warwick.

Just Jennifer 3 years ago

The person who said those crappy things just doesn’t have a sense of humor. I’m currently reading and enjoying it immensely!

Soni 3 years ago

I will be there. With bells on. Whatever that means.

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying 3 years ago

You’re kicking ass. I told you so.

Jessica 3 years ago

I just want to stand up and clap for you and all of your success. Amazing to see you on television, on Amazon, everywhere. My heartfelt review of your amazing book just went up. I will go give you my 5 stars at Amazon too. xo

Life with kaishon 3 years ago

I am going to buy another copy for the kindle just so you can be at the top : ) no naked pictures needed. You looked so stinkin’ skinny on the today show though. I’m sure naked wouldn’t be a problem! So happy for your success Jill!

Robin | Farewell, Stranger 3 years ago

Oh, you make me laugh. That’s totally something I would do. And not that I live anywhere near there, but I’d love to have come to that one. No crowds – yay! 😉

Practical Parenting 3 years ago

Yay on the early numbers! I am cruising through it so I can give an excellent review.

Marta 3 years ago

Please come to Minnesota on your book tour! I will totally wake up early for you!

Keeping track of your spanx is very important work!

Alexandra 3 years ago

Oh. My heart SANK with that photo.

Just sank. And your book: going to be HUGE. I took it with me to work today and the women LOVED it and were going to go home and order it.

They thought it was fabulous.

vodkamom 3 years ago

Sweet Jesus you are a rock star.

And to think we had pizza together. And then walked a BILLION miles back to the hotel.

xoxox

Rebecca 3 years ago

So, my tv is never not on nick jr or Disney but this morning my two boys slept a little later, and I put on the today show and there you were! I was so excited to not have missed you on there! Otherwise, I would have totally forgotten. You looked great and sounded great BTW!

Kristin Macchi 3 years ago

I’m sorry but that picture is killing me! I’m definitely going to try and come to Burlington. The one good thing about my bag getting stolen out of my car in front of my house at 11 am today is that is had my appt book in it. I’m almost positive I was supposed to do something on the 11th, but, too bad, no way to know now!

Cassie 3 years ago

Obviously the person who wrote the comment doesn’t have a sense of humor, and /or is one of those mommies who is “perfect” and their children are “perfect” and the rest of us just make her sick. Eh…oh well. The rest of us are normal and enjoying parenthood with some laughs thanks to you!

Lin 3 years ago

Glad more people came by so you weren’t stuck “solely talking to grandparents” haha.

And I’ll totally review/rate your book when I’m done with it but you do me a favor & please make your way to the west coast, more importantly, SoCal. Thanks.

Amy Bloom 3 years ago

Will try to round up a crew for the Bethesda reading!

Kisha 3 years ago

Condulations! I won’t have any time to read until DD get promoted to the next swim class, where I dont have to get in with her. But it’s on my list. Hey didn’t I just say I hated organized sports for kids?

Ingrid 3 years ago

Haha you’re so funny not cutting yourself some slack. That’s admirable. Good luck with the next signing, I’m sure next time there’ll be a crowd!

Corey Feldman 3 years ago

Congratulations and best of luck on your book tour!

Jennifer 3 years ago

Am anxiously awaiting for my copy of the book to arrive!! Amazon says it shipped…will be stalking my mailman this afternoon.

The Mommy Psychologist 3 years ago

I’m only posting a review if you post naked pics:) Any plans to be in Los Angeles?

Lindsay 3 years ago

I SO WISH I could be at your reading in Baltimore today. Stupid work! Do you have plans for any other Washington, DC area locations? I haven’t seen any on your list so far.

Christine 3 years ago

You crack me up! Any plans to come to the Dallas area? There’s a Barnes & Noble at the Stonebriar Mall in Frisco, TX that has has some good authors visit. Why not add your name to that list?

Tragic Sandwich 3 years ago

Are you coming to L.A.?

April 3 years ago

And I forgot to say ill save a glass of wine or twofor you :)

April 3 years ago

BurY her ass I will and cover it all up with Lyme and plant some bushes 😀 that’s not what I meant to say. I really meant congratulations and can’t wait to meet you next week :) – crazymama2two aka April

Kelly Tirman 3 years ago

Come to San Francisco – we will throw you a PARTY!

NorthernMommy 3 years ago

Can’t wait to get my copy of Scary Mommy; ordered one for me and one for my most awesome mommy friend. will post a review once read!
Congrats on making top 1 & 2!!

Vinobaby 3 years ago

I’ve got my FIVE STAR review up (because obviously that woman has as much of a sense of humor as a used douche) and I’ll fill a seat for your Orlando signing. Can’t wait to meet you in person later this month. Cheers to you!

Carolyn West 3 years ago

Well, I’m still waiting on Amazon to ship my book that I ordered months ago! I will NEVER buy a book on a pre-launch ever again. Ridiculous! And just for the record… if you had your book reading in Los Angeles, I would be able to fill the entire room and would be sitting in the front row.

meekasmommy 3 years ago

Oy, I *wanted* to be there last night, but my baby girl threw a nice little hissy fit aroud 6:30 lasting til, well, after it was too late for me to go. But congrats on the awesome book launch stats!!! :)

RachRiot 3 years ago

Come to Houston and I will be first in line! Mainly so we can discuss whether Kathy Lee Gifford smells like embalming fluid…

CCK 3 years ago

I submitted a review. Good luck, I hope your book makes it to the top 50!!

Krista 3 years ago

Rather than spend 30 minutes arguing with my two year old about bedtime, I let her stay up an extra half hour last night if she promised to lay in my bed,watch Dora and not saying a word so I could sneak into the bathtub with your book! She only gave me 15 minutes, of course, but the book is terrific. I love it.

Tara F. 3 years ago

I’m sorry, just saw that you are. Can’t wait!!

Stephanie 3 years ago

I will totally be there on the 10th, and I’m bringing Lauren. I even changed my moving date so I could make it. Just please tell me I don’t have to wear Spanx.

wendy @ mama one to three 3 years ago

Congratulations! I totally would have gone to the signing last night– husband was at work… :( That’s a great story though. good luck this week!

Emily 3 years ago

Will you be coming to Georgia??

Beth 3 years ago

Shouldn’t your publisher and/or agent and/or the places your doing signings at ALSO be publicizing your appearances???

Tara F. 3 years ago

I wish you were doing a book signing in Northern or Central NJ. I’d be there in a heartbeat.

Arnebya 3 years ago

How cool is that! One AND two. I am smiling so very hard for you right now (But that one bad review bitch is about to go down).

I can’t make it to Port Discovery today but I’m hoping to catch you in Bethesda.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

Whatever. Haters gonna hate. I’m reading it, loving it, and will be reviewing it as well. Good luck with your readings and I really hope to see you here in South Kackalackie. :-)

Helen 3 years ago

my review’s on Amazon…was there yesterday. Told you, you have a hit on your hands! I’m waiting for it to hit the NY Times Best Seller list!!!

Jane 3 years ago

When is your book going to be available in Australia?

steph 3 years ago

I’m pretty picky about the blogs I read and do think a lot of “mommy blogs” are written by people who are mean, whiny and try too hard at humor. I really enjoy reading your blog and book. Best to you always!

Kristin 3 years ago

I already promoted your signing in Naperville on my Facebook page, so I’ll be there with at least one friend!

Jen @ Mommy Tries 3 years ago

Jill, I will be there to cheer you on in Concord, NH on Monday!

Kim 3 years ago

ANDERSON’S BOOKSHOP
124 W. Jefferson Ave.
Naperville,IL
7:00PM
I will be in Naperville on May 4th!

Lady Estrogen 3 years ago

Ha! Yes, please don’t cut yourself – that would DEFINITELY show through your Spandex.

Laura Anderson 3 years ago

If your book tour swings into the Midwest, let me know! I’m pretty sure we would love to host a talk & book signing! We’re a pregnancy & early parenting store & resource center in Madison, WI.

liza 3 years ago

aww sorry that happened. on the flip side i’m happy i caught this post because you will be coming to RI! can’t wait to come Tuesday :)

Missy 3 years ago

You are awesome. So funny.
Some people just don’t get sarcastic humor.

Too bad you won’t be anywhere near the west coast for a book signing. =/

Alison@Mama Wants This 3 years ago

Yay for being #1 AND #2! You’re gonna kick ass at the readings!

shelly 3 years ago

Aw, I’m sure you’ll get a better turn out at your next book reading in Baltimore. (I’m hoping my baby girl will allow me to see ya there)

Anna 3 years ago

Go, Scary Mommy go! Hope your book climbs right up the top of the Amazon list!