‘By the age of 35’ Tweets are the funniest thing you’ll see this week
The latest meme to take Twitter by storm is the result of some scary financial advice. An article from MarketWatch came out earlier this year about how much money a person should have saved by age 35 — and it’s a laughably large amount that most of us Xllennials are nowhere close to having set aside. Naturally, once the internet got hold of the ridiculously unattainable (for most normal people) financial goal, it was turned into a positively golden meme that will definitely make you feel better about your sad bank account.
The article states that you should have twice your yearly salary in savings by age 35. Like, not even two paychecks, two whole years worth of money. LOL FOREVER. I’m lucky to have twice the price of a 20-piece chicken nugget in savings at the age of 36, so no — this is not a thing I can do. Luckily, it appears I’m not alone as these amazing “by the age of 35” tweets handily prove.
The “goals” ranged from the instantly recognizable and relatable…
By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.
— Nutella Enchanted (@chrisopotamia) May 20, 2018
…to the hilariously imaginative.
By the time you're 35 you should be a governess living in an old hilltop mansion with too many corridors and too many secrets
— academiquette (@academiquette) May 17, 2018
Even the Monterey Bay Aquarium got in on the trend with a 35 goal I’d love to meet.
By the time you're 35 you should have found a hole and pretty much never leave pic.twitter.com/K5EafhcxHW
— Monterey Bay Aquarium (@MontereyAq) May 22, 2018
But back to total and complete relatability. This one’s so real I feel personally attacked.
OK never mind, this one feels like an attack. You can pry my emoji from my cold, old-lady hands.
By the time you're 35, you shouldn't be using emoji
— I Am Devloper (@iamdevloper) May 22, 2018
Back to things I can realistically do, like fill all of my available storage space with shit I don’t need but also can’t ever part with.
By the age of 35 you should have filled at least four draws, two shelves, the big cupboard in the spare room, one shed, the top of every wardrobe in your house and 3/4 of the loft with items you never want to see or use again.
— Nicola (@scrapegroat) May 18, 2018
*slowly points to creaky left knee*
By the age of 35, adults should have at least one formerly functional joint that really acts the hell up when it rains.
And a good kitchen knife. At least one. Seriously.
— Elizabeth Bear (@matociquala) May 21, 2018
I started doing the password reset shuffle at least eight years ago, so I guess I’m an overachiever.
by the time you're 35, you should have resigned yourself to resetting your password every time you log in to anything you don't log in to daily
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) May 23, 2018
I have literally stopped in my tracks before to add up the years and make sure I’m the age I think I am, so yes, I feel seen.
By age 35 you will have lost track of how old you are. "I am 35 this year, right," you'll say, but you won't be certain. You won't be certain of anything.
— Mark Magark (@markedly) May 24, 2018
Every. Damn. Time.
by age 35 you should have figured out that your period skips a day and then comes back but every single time you think it's over and get annoyingly surprised the next day
— vaccine haver (@kerrence) May 17, 2018
Why ever bother trying to figure this out when Gwen provides us with such a handy device for remembering?
By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
— Jon "Jon Baker" Baker (@JonBaker) May 20, 2018
You mean, it wasn’t?!
By age 35 you should have reached that stage of time confusion where you're convinced the 90s was only 10 years ago.
— Jen Williams @ MCM London (@sennydreadful) May 21, 2018
Sounds about right.
By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018
Yet again, I overachieve.
By age 35 you should have a collection of excuses for cancelling plans and a system in place for how to realistically rotate them.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) May 22, 2018
Not to mention, how much those six lipsticks cost and someday, you might really make red work.
By age 35, you should have at least six lipsticks that you know don’t work on you but you can’t get rid of them because that would mean all that wandering around Sephora was worth nothing
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) May 20, 2018
But at least we have this tidbit to soothe our souls.
Listen. Meghan Markle wasn't a duchess til age 36 so stop telling me what I should have by age 35.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 21, 2018