53 'Squeaky-Clean' Cleaning Jokes To Wash Your Worries Away

What’s that popular meme that’s been making the rounds on social media for years? “Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.” Or there’s this one: “Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” That one is actually a quote from Phyllis Diller from her 1966 book Phyllis Diller’s Housekeeping Hints — and it still rings true, even today. In fact, it’s been the inspiration for many a funny meme on every social platform. The reason those quotes are shared so much is that they are so freaking relatable! It’s for that very same reason that cleaning jokes and puns are so popular. Plus, you know, laughing about cleaning makes it suck a little less.

In the spirit of commiserating over the woes of keeping house, we’ve swept up a collection of cleaning jokes, puns, and one-liners for your reading pleasure. Once you’ve had a hearty laugh and you’re ready to spruce up your space, check out our guides on cleaning a couch, washing a down comforter, washing stuffed animals, and getting crayon off the walls. If your kids resist chores, make it fun! Get them in on the cleaning pun action by showing them this list (yes, the jokes are all clean). Once everyone has enjoyed a feel-good belly laugh, turn up the tunes and tackle the housework together.

Ready for some rib-tickling cleaning jokes? Read on!

Best Cleaning Jokes, Puns, and One-Liners

1. Why did the burglar take a shower?

He wanted to make a “clean” getaway.

1. I’m really not into spring cleaning.

Come to think of it, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.

1. What did the broom say to the vacuum?

“I’m so tired of people pushing us around.”

1. Salesman: “Ma’am, this vacuum cleaner is so great that it will cut all your work by half!”

Woman: “That’s fantastic! Give me two.”

1. I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s just something I could really see myself doing.

1. I feel like I should clean the house.

I’m going to lay down until the feeling passes.

1. You know the only thing I hate more than having a dirty house?

Cleaning.

1. Everyone in Britain prefers brooms over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying the floors.

Sorry if that’s a sweeping generalization.

1. Deep thought of the day?

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

1. Why was the broom late?

It over-swept.

1. Why do basketball players have messy rooms?

They dribble everywhere.

1. Did you hear about that brand-new broom that just came out?

It’s sweeping the nation.

1. Do you know who cleans the bottom of the ocean?

A mer-maid.

1. How do you contact the spirit of a recently deceased window cleaner?

Using a Squeegee board.

1. I start my new job as a street cleaner today.

There’s no training — you just pick it up as you go along.

1. Did you hear the one about the messy bed?

Yeah, I made it up.

1. Laundry puns aren’t as bad as everyone thinks they are.

They’ve just been getting bad press.

1. What did the mom say about her kid who always took the trash out before anyone asked?

That he was “predisposed.”

1. Do you know which chore sucks the most?

Vacuuming.

1. What dinosaur never procrastinates doing its chores?

The Prontosaurus.

1. My sister and I were having an argument about whose turn it was to do the laundry.

In the end, I threw in the towel.

1. What did the frog say as it washed the windows?

“Rub-it! Rub-it! Rub-it!”

1. My friend once found a $50 bill in his pants pocket after laundry.

I became worried that he might get caught for money laundering.

1. People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. It’s your vacuum cleaner that should give you pause. Why?

It’s been collecting dirt on you for years.

1. Housework won’t kill you…

But why take the chance?

1. What do you call an Italian window cleaner?

Squ-igi.

1. When my dad complained that the plates were dirty, my mom said, “But the cutlery is shining — look on the bright side of knife.”

My dad thought he had won an argument with my mom about how to arrange our house furniture. But when he came back from work, the tables had turned.

1. I made a few speaker boxes out of my used laundry detergent bottles.

They sound super clean.

1. I’ve been working at the kitchen sink all afternoon.

Now I feel so drained.

1. Have you met the new cook at my house?

He is a knife guy.

1. Dishwashers are funny.

They’re hardly ever in sink.

1. When the refrigerator and microwave got married, the toaster gave a brilliant speech.
2. After washing all the clothes, my mom accidentally dropped all the laundry.

I witnessed it all unfold.

1. I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

It was just collecting dust.

1. Is your refrigerator running?

You better catch it before it gets away!

1. What did the first sock say to the second sock in the dryer?

“I’ll catch you the second time around.”

1. I tried to declutter my kids’ toys.

They were just not ready to Lego of them.

1. My friend got a Ph.D. in washing machines.

Now, they call him the spin doctor.

1. What happens when a closet picks a fight?

It becomes a war-drobe.

1. Teen: “Dad, I hate my life. It’s like a vacuum cleaner.”

Dad: “What do you mean?” Teen: “It sucks.” Dad: “Well, there is always Roomba improvement.”

1. My cousin wanted to know if I knew any laundry puns.

I told her that I’ve got loads of them.

1. I was upset when my freezer stopped working…

But it’s all just water under the fridge now.

1. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?

“You look flushed.”

1. What should you do if your daughter gets dirty while playing in the mud outside?

You should just washer and dryer.

1. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

“It’s time to go to sweep!”

1. What’s one way to turn a mom who’s cleaning into a raving maniac?

Tell her, “You missed a spot!”

1. A man walks into a vacuum cleaner store. After browsing for a while, he asks to speak to the manager. When the manager comes, she asks the man, “Is there something wrong, sir?” And the man replies, “Oh, something’s wrong — everything you sell sucks.”
2. The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.

Things are picking up.

1. Speaking to his son, a man started venting about his job at the dry cleaners and how sick and tired he was of it.

After listening carefully, the son replied, “Dad, I think it’s time to throw in the towels.”

1. What’s the favorite song of someone who loves to clean?

“Another Fights the Dust.”

1. Mom: “Honey, your house is a wreck! Do you want me to help you clean it?”

Adult daughter: “My house isn’t messy. I’ve set up obstacles for any burglars.”

1. It doesn’t bother me that Disney has given me unrealistic ideas about love. I’m more annoyed that, no matter how much I sing, woodland animals have not once helped me with housework.
2. My house is so messy it looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.