CONFESSIONAL

He cancelled at the last minute. I am more devastated than I should be.

I really dislike the word "panties"

I stumbled upon some BDSM photos online. I was surprisingly aroused. I had two orgasms w DH while fantasizing abt women. Mmm

I kind of like having to wear a mask in public. I can talk to (and answer) myself without being discovered. Plus, It hides my COVID chin!

I don't know how this is going to end but it sure as fuck can't go on like this.

I'm having a hard time with H and our kids and I know the problem is me. I let them walk all over me and now I'm at the end of my rope. I don't understand how to set boundaries without being hostile and on alert all the time. I think I'm really messed up.

My mom had an untreated mental illness. I got away from her and then married someone just like her. I can't maintain friendships because I don't trust people. I've never felt loved and I don't think I ever will, but it's all I've ever wanted.

Toying with the notion of starting up with AP again after nearly a year of online only contact, he’s local but he’d lied to me about sleeping unprotected with another woman. I’m married FFS could’ve caught something and brought it home. I NEED him tho..

I'm glad I realized at 32 that control is not love. I was the controlling one

Very sexual dream about my EA. Woke up with wet panties thinking about him.

The whole pandemic experience has made everything feel completely pointless. I wish I could just quit my job and figure out what I really want to do. Being a project manager is so fucking dumb. Nothing I do helps anyone. If I didn't have kids to support..

The only reason I’m not leaving my husband is because I need his health insurance.

Little does my husband know but when our daughter graduates high school next May I’m divorcing him !!!

Today was the first time I thought of all the reasons why SO and I are 1,000% incompatible and didn’t cry or try to convince myself that things aren’t all “that bad”. I’m ready to go.

My APs wife found out. She knows my name. I told him months ago he was asking to be found out. Fuck.

I tested positive for COVID-19 at the beginning of July, it is over a month later and no one has yet contacted me about contact tracing.

I don't like my cats or my step kids but they all seem to love me. Ughhhh just go away already

H has a very small window here to pursue me and make things good. I’m there and ready to put in the effort but I’m also open to new things if he doesn’t. Couple new things lately are really exciting me...

I think Adam Driver is so ugly.

I really hate my life.

I was a little upset at DH’s number of sex partners before we met (11 to my 2) but maybe that’s why he’s so good in bed.

He was in a relationship with her but having sex with me for the majority of their relationship.

I want to be free.

I woke up this morning kicking the sheets and wondering why I'm still alive.

I could use a drink today... or ten.

I miss him like a big brother I never had.

So apparently we qualified fpr pandemic EBT benefits for the kids. Honestly I could just cry, I'm so grateful.

I send gifts to my friends to lift their spirits, and make sure they are supported and help them out. Is it terrible that I’m getting a little annoyed that my birthday is around the corner and I am expecting diddly squat from those same friends???

I desperately miss the days when a booger was just a booger and my heart didn’t sink with sickening fear that it was a sign of covid in my kiddo.

Even though he lives here, too, I hate it when DH is home when he's not "supposed to" be.

I hate when people sing at the camera on their stories on IG

I think H and I have run our course. I just need to figure out how to tell him it’s over. Fucking pandemic is gonna make it hard for me to move out and who knows wtf we are going to do with the kids.

Just started a 3 month course of medication. I can't drink caffiene or alcohol while taking these tablets. This is not going to be pretty...

I’m planning to leave H, he knows it, we’re mostly amicable. Usually I just feel indifferent to him. But I need to hurry up & find a place of my own because the longer I stay here the closer I move toward hating him & I don’t want that for the kids’ sake.

I wish DH would pay half of the attention he pays to his computer/phone to me and our son...

Focusing on me starts now.

My husband thinks I don't like sex. But I do actually like sex, a lot, just not with him.

I plan on meeting up in Chicago to fuck a guy I've known for almost 20 years. We are both so hot for each other, it's intense. He lives with his gf and I'm married. We're not going to tell anyone about it.

I desperately want to kill myself today.

Whoa, that was some vivid fantasy about BIL this morning. Disturbing, as we do not get along in real life.