Warm weather is here, which means one thing: wedding season is in full swing. If you’re a mom and you’ve received a wedding invite with the magic words ‘NO KIDS ALLOWED’ beautifully scrawled across it, congratulations. This is your golden ticket to reclaiming – for one night – the woman within that motherhood has crushed into submission.
I get that not every woman will embrace an escape from Momlandia and will want to bring their kids despite the request stated in the invitation. Don’t do it!
Most brides and grooms put a lot of time and money into creating the wedding of their dreams. If they choose to not have kids at their wedding to avoid a toddler tantruming during their vows or a restless preschooler running wild during dinner, then so be it. They deserve to not have their special moment upstaged by the unpredictable antics of kids being kids.
Even though you might have convinced yourself that no one will mind if you bring your kid, think again. Not only will you piss off the bride, you will also have countless guests wondering ‘did she not read the invite?’ Here are some reasons why other people will be giving you the side eye when you show up with your uninvited children:
1. They feel it’s completely disrespectful to ignore the wishes of the bride and groom. This is a no-brainer. It doesn’t matter how selfish you think the bride and groom are for not wanting kids at their wedding. Nor does it matter that you had kids at your own wedding. No means no. If your child was not invited, they shouldn’t show up.
2. They can’t let loose and have a good time like they planned to do. When someone invests in hiring a babysitter, purchasing a wedding gift and a picking out a new outfit, they are planning on having a take-your-shoes-off, party-all-night Gone With the Wind fabulous kind of evening. They have no intention of being on their best behavior and are likely to drop the F-Bomb after a glass or two of the signature wedding cocktail. However, bring kids on the scene and all hope of having a night filled with fun and debauchery comes to an end. Suddenly you have to watch what you say and do because little ears are present.
3. They came for a night of adult fun, not an evening of toddler time. When parents go to a wedding, they want to go out on the dance floor and dance like no one is watching. For many parents, this is the first time since their own wedding that they have been able to get out and have kid-free fun. It’s hard to drop it like it’s hot when you and your family are out on the dance floor holding hands, playing Ring-A-Round the Rosie.
4. They are forced to listen to you make excuses for your child. The minute your child does something obnoxious, you’ll try to fix the situation with embarrassed humor. You will inform people that they haven’t seen anything yet and give a detailed account of all the other obnoxious things your child has done … EVER. Then you will try and convince others that at least your child is good at entertaining. No. People didn’t shell out money for a babysitter to be entertained by your unruly child. If that’s what they wanted, they would have declined the invitation and stayed home to be entertained by their own children.
5. They don’t want to deal with your child when they misbehave. I know you think your child is insanely well-behaved and just a halo away from being an angel. However, I have yet to meet a child that maintains their composure in an environment where the answer to everything they want to do, see, and touch is ‘NO.’ I’m guessing your child won’t be the exception. They will knock over stuff, spill things, and be disruptive. It’s hard to relax when your heart is beating out of your chest watching someone else’s kid crawl under the cake table threatening to knock over the gazillion dollar wedding cake bedazzled in rare roses and diamonds.
6. They feel compelled to give you a hand when they see you struggling. When you are a parent, it’s hard to watch other parents struggle with their kids. That’s why at some point during the evening, another parent will help you corral your fallen angel and begrudgingly offer to take them off your hands so you can eat. They will politely offer you words of encouragement and tell you that ‘this happens to the best of us’ not because they feel sorry for you, but because they haven’t consumed enough liquid courage to tell you to take your kid home.
7. They don’t want your child to kill their vibe. You might not know it, but when moms are invited to a wedding, a lot of effort goes into preparing for the big event. These women spend months trying on dresses and going on an emotional roller coaster each time they don’t fit. They embark on crazy diets and insane workout routines to make sure their bodies are snatched for the big event. Sure, the day belongs to the bride, but good luck telling that to a mom of three who hasn’t had time away from her kids in years. Trust me, you don’t want to be the person responsible for ruining her vibe by showing up with your child.