Humans of New York shares post about guy struggling… with his girlfriend’s weight
Typically when you read Humans of New York posts you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You might smile like a huge dork while looking at your screen (it’s OK we all do it). Or you might even get super emotional, with tears streaming down your cheeks. But a recent post has many readers reacting very differently and not in a good way.
The site posted a photo of a man on Facebook who is upset over an issue in his relationship. He reveals the struggle is over his girlfriend’s weight.
“At first I told myself I could get past it. I said, ‘Let’s just see how it goes.’ We had excellent dates. Everything else about her was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to ruin something good for that one little reason. But it’s been 1.5 years. And I feel horrible, but I just can’t get past it. And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. I can’t bring myself to tell her. We’re going to couple’s therapy next week, but I still don’t think I’ll be able to say it. Is there any right way to ask someone to lose weight for you?”
I’m trying not to have a rage stroke. OK, deep breath.
Some commenters actually admitted to having gone through a similar experience.
But honestly, it’s not like she was one weight at the beginning of the relationship and now she’s heavier. She’s been the same weight for the one and a half years they’ve been together. And regardless — this is just a jerk move.
Even if he told himself “he could get past it” that’s bullshit. Nope. No you can’t. You like who you like. You have preferences. (Even if I think you’re a volcanic asshole for your shallow preferences).
The golden rule of dating is: don’t go into relationships thinking you’re going to change the person. Trying to change a friend or romantic partner is typically a fruitless and heartbreaking endeavor.
“There’s an old saying, ‘Some people pick a partner for their potential to be who they want and expect them to CHANGE while others pick their partner for exactly who they are today and expect that they WON’T. Both types are bound to be sorely disappointed.’ I don’t know you (or your partner for that matter) but you’ve shared that you struggle profoundly around honesty and superficiality. If you care about this person at all, give them the gift of your absence and go work on yourself… the only person from whom you should ever seek change.”
Insert standing ovation here.
Let’s just hope he remembers that fat isn’t automatically synonymous with unhealthy. You can’t assume someone’s health based on the appearance of their body.
The most poignant part of the post is the guy asking, ‘how can I ask someone to lose weight for me?’ ME. ME. ME. OMG. The eye rolls hurt they’re so intense right now.
So often a woman’s existence is framed in terms of what a man wants. Men, lend an ear; We don’t exist for you. Our bodies don’t exist for you. We’re here for ourselves. If we want to change something about our mind, body, or spirit — we’ll do it on our own time. And because it’s what we want.
It also bears reminding that people are more than their pounds. A person’s value, worth, lovability, fuckability, all of it – is not, should not, be determined by their body.
And in the words of one Facebook commenter, “The easiest weight she can lose is to drop your sorry dead weight ass.”