Ignorance is alive, and it’s watching my child

First of all, thank you all for the thought provoking and supportive comments on yesterday’s post. This experience has been eye opening, to say the least, and I am grateful to have had this community to share it with.}

Today.

This morning, I had decided. I was going to fire Nanny B and she was going to know why. And that was the end of that. I toured a preschool first thing in the morning, and though I didn’t love it, it was affordable and they could take him as early as next week. Done.

But then she walked in, and Evan ran to her. She greeted us cheerfully like nothing was wrong. I decided, rather than shove the cash I had just taken out in her hand and bid her adieu, to retreat upstairs to get some work done. A few hours later, I came downstairs to find Evan napping and her pairing up a dozen socks. It was my moment.

Nanny B, I began, I want to talk to you about something. (No look of recognition swept across her face.) Yesterday, I continued, when you called Evan a Jew-boy… that was really offensive. She looked back at me blankly. I just meant that with his dark eyes and hair, she responded innocently, that he looked that way. As if she had compared him to a doll.

I explained what an offensive term it was and asked if she had a problem with our religion. Because if she did, that was a big problem. She responded that she had nothing against the Jews, and years ago had actually discovered that her mother’s grandparents were in fact, Jews. She even looked like a Jew in her childhood pictures. {OY to the VEY.}

That brings us to tonight.

After going back and forth, weighing and debating, and much agonizing, I’ve concluded that she isn’t evil. She isn’t ill-intentioned. She isn’t a bad person. She’s certainly not the brightest candle on the menorah, but for the moment, she will suffice.

I don’t think she will ever understand where I am coming from, and I’m sorry to say that I don’t think that I’m making ground breaking progress in the quest for acceptance. But we are hoping to move in the next few months and there is a new school waiting for all three kids. I just need someone to get me through the days until then. And if all goes as planned, my children will be enrolled in a Jewish day school. Although I have never considered myself a religious person, I will be proud to send them in a way I wasn’t before.

And I thank my nanny for that.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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Anastassia Pronsky-Stojanovic 2 years ago

It's true I don't…I don't care if smb makes a comment about me being Russian or not looking/looking Russian… I really like this women – she created the most hilarious and awesome blog and it involves KIDS – the least hilarious and awesome subject lol

Zhenya Stekovic 2 years ago

Whatcha doing reading mommy blogs? :))) On the topic – us jews are very sensitive to such things….I get it….

Anastassia Pronsky-Stojanovic 2 years ago

Well it just seemed to me it’s her “style”, to say things like that. She will probably be saying something along the same lines to the “Italian looking” boy or “Chinese looking” boy :) She definitely doesn’t seem like an mean person, more like blissfully ignorant when it comes to such notion as being politically correct:) Now if you think about it, it’s kinda funny even…I’ve heard a lot of comparison to other nations too, some I didn’t like but bottom line I always moved on shrugging shoulders and uttering “idiot”…However I’m not a mother so maybe hearing something like that about my child is a different cup of tea :)
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Anastassia Pronsky-Stojanovic 2 years ago

Well it just seemed to me it's her "style", to say things like that. She will probably be saying something along the same lines to the "Italian looking" boy or "Chinese looking" boy :) She definitely doesn't seem like an mean person, more like blissfully ignorant when it comes to such notion as being politically correct:) Now if you think about it, it's kinda funny even…I've heard a lot of comparison to other nations too, some I didn't like but bottom line I always moved on shrugging shoulders and uttering "idiot"…However I'm not a mother so maybe hearing something like that about my child is a different cup of tea :)

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

They are really enjoying their school. Hope everything works out for you, too!

Megan 4 years ago

I hit the random post button and found your first post, then read your follow up. Good lord am I going through something similar! Good luck and I hope your kids are liking Jewish School!

Samantha 4 years ago

Wow. I just read this and my mouth is hanging open. Though I can’t say I’m in shock as I’ve experienced my share of ignorant and racist comments from similarly-minded people like this nanny. The sad and pathetic part is that she was oblivious to the fact that she was completely offensive and ignorant. Not sure if that bothers me more than her comment or not. And then to kind of brush it off with a ridiculous explanation…I mean, obviously you were upset and even if she was clueless (and racist) when she made the comment, she should have realized in the fact that you called her out on it that she was wrong. But she didn’t. As you so rightly said, “not the brightest light on the menorah” and racist to boot. What a catch.

Ilseken 4 years ago

Count me in on the converting part if I can get a cute baby like that!

Ilseken 4 years ago

wow. speechless.

Ilseken 4 years ago

So, just to play Devil’s Advocate for a second, what makes you think “Jew boy” is in her book a negative thing? Maybe she means it the way I would mean it when I say “I’m whiter than white, I’m so damn white I glow”. There is in fact, a characteristic “look” to traditionally jewish people, and I think it’s something to be proud of. Haven’t you ever made the comment that someone “sure looks like ” her mom/dad/cousin/whatever ? After all she didn’t say “he sure ACTS like a jew boy”, that might be a valid reason to set you off. Not to sound too Holy here, but no one can offend you without your permission. Just maybe you are reading something into her comment that wasn’t there.

Tanya 4 years ago

Shocking to say the least, I think you handled it well. As least you broached the subject and let her know that you found the term offensive. It should be unbelieveable that in this day and age people can come out with comments like that, but is it really?

Tiffany L. 4 years ago

I agree with your comments, but I do not know one adult who does not have some flawed viewpoints. Children usually have multiple teachers at school, adult leaders at church, coaches in sports, etc. Most of them have different points of view than our family. It is important for children to learn about these different views and then for the parents to explain them further–the good and the bad of it. If you have a good enough relationship with your child, s/he will come to you with questions about the things they see and hear.

Having said all of that, I do not know that I would be able to make the same decision that she made. I think I might have ushered her out of my home as quickly as possible.

Tiffany L. 4 years ago

WOW!!!!! I cannot believe sometimes that there are still people who are sooooooo astoundingly ignorant and inconsiderate. That is crazy!!

Jen 4 years ago

I had a similar experience with our ex-pediatrician. When informed that we were moving to a border state he turned to my sweet, beautiful, innocent baby boy (who is bi-racial) and said: “So your mom’s going to take you to be with all the other brown babies.”

F-ing fabulous. My baby doctor is a racist.

Brian Curtis 5 years ago

Racial ignorance has manny faces, and not all of them are sinister. As a black man I’ve been involved in many “Teachable Momments” in my lifetime, and sometimes you just want someone else to be the teacher. As innocuous as her statement seemed to her how could you not know that terminology would be received negatively? She must be from Rome, and you know what they say about Rome… “When in Rome do as the Romans do”.

janice 5 years ago

YOU MADE YOUR DECISION AND TIME WILL REVEAL IF IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE….HOPEFULLY, YOU HAVE MADE HER AWARE OF HOW INSENSITIVE WORDS CAN BE AND SHE WILL GROW FROM THAT

Tammy Hendricks 5 years ago

There are no words…….

MsM 5 years ago

I’m surprised that no one else seems to have remarked on this…

It’s all well and good that she wasn’t trying to be malicious, and that you’ve decided to give her a chance; I appreciate that. But there’s still a problem. Your child is going to be interacting with an authority figure who has this flawed viewpoint.

I would be concerned that her possible off-hand comments in the future could influence your child’s way of thinking. I know you will teach him the best, but sometimes, things like prejudice and narrow-mindedness can get planted deep down in a growing mind, and develop in an insidious way. We know that children simply don’t know any better, and by the time they’re more mature, it will be very difficult for them to exorcise any ingrained assumptions.

I would be deeply concerned by this… especially if the person would have close, regular contact with my child, not to mention from a position of authority. I don’t think I would be comfortable letting the nanny stay.

Adam 5 years ago

I was just reading through the site (cause I want to be a better husband) and saw this comment. I’m a young guy (21) and I think you’d be more likely to hear a comment from an older person like this than a young one. Tolerance and equality is taught much heavier in schools these days. Someone in the older generations may not have got that kind of schooling or may have pre-dispositions about the subject. I lived in an all-white town ’till I moved to Chicago for school and made friends with every walk of life, with no problem what-so-ever. I don’t know if my grandfather could do the same. Just my two cents. :)

Pam 5 years ago

Good for you for keeping her around. Her comment and her reaction to your response made me throw up a little bit in my mouth, I don’t think I could handle having her in my house so kudos to you for doing what sounds like the right thing.

Joie 5 years ago

What a crazy comment! I just read this one (just found you – yay me!!) and I actually had to find a picture of Evan to see what the heck I had missed in a ton of his other photos…Jew Boy? Ummmmm….really?

Well, I guess if Jew Boy means super cute with lots of moppy hair all disheveled and freaking cute as hell….Go Jew Boy! If I convert, will I get kids that cute? Sheesh….People are absolutely fascinating sometimes!

debi9kids 6 years ago

Good for you! Much wiser and more responsible than I think I would’ve behaved.
Hang in there.
.-= debi9kids´s last blog ..Business 2 Blogger =-.

Jessica – This Is Worthwhile 6 years ago

“Accidental bigot,” indeed.

This whole situation is crummy. I really commend you on your bravery to bring it up to her and explain to her why you were upset. I’m not sure I could have done that.
.-= Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..The nuclear family is not my friend =-.

Ashley 6 years ago

Honestly, I would have done the same thing. I think that we are presented with opportunities every day to inspire, encourage, and enlighten those “ignorant” people. We must not forget that we play both roles in this life at one time or another. For you to realize that she is not “evil” was the adult thing to do. She is misguided and seems rather sheltered. I, too, am Jewish. I can’t tell you how many times someone has made a remark about my “religion” in a somewhat finger pointing way. I always let them know that I am Jewish before they dig themselves into a bigger hole. I don’t allow myself to hold onto the feeling of anger for long because honestly, they are not worth it. Live by example and lead with integrity. You go girl!
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..Couple’s Retreat Trois =-.

Paige 6 years ago

I admire your restraint and thoughtfulness in this situation. I’m not sure I would have been able to get past being angry and uncomfortable. It seem like you made the right decision for you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

Tiaras & Tantrums 6 years ago

blame her parents for her ignorance!

Bethany 6 years ago

It sounds like you made the right decision. As a former nanny, I’m surprised by her words, especially if she’s been around a while– but, if your child loves her and is well cared for by her, and she’s, like others have said, clueless but not malicious, it sounds like you can keep her at least for a little longer. Still, I’m sorry this happened!!!
.-= Bethany´s last blog ..Photos of the Day =-.

Loukia 6 years ago

Sigh. Tough situation you are in, but I’m glad that you have made a decision. I still can’t believe what she said. It’s wrong on SO many levels, you know? But then like you say… she is great with Evan… you get your work done… sigh.
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Two! =-.

Traci in GA 6 years ago

I’m a few days behind the curve, but it sounds like you did all the right things. Evan is happy and you kept your cool, good for you.
Congrats on the new job!
.-= Traci in GA´s last blog ..Yikes! =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

It wasn’t my gut reaction AT ALL. I was really close to calling her and just telling her I’d mail her what I owed her and didn’t want to see her again. You guys really made me think long and hard about my actions, and I am thankful I made the decision I did. :)

Jane 6 years ago

“Although I have never considered myself a religious person, I will be proud to send them in a way I wasn’t before.

And I thank my nanny for that.”

I just love this line. Isn’t it the truth? The life-defining moments for us creep up so unexpectedly. Thank you for sharing with us how you handled it all, how well it was received, how you’re feeling about it now. You’ve helped me to sort through some feelings I’ve had regarding our mixed race family and how we’re perceived by others. I truly appreciate your brave posts.
.-= Jane´s last blog ..Trading Spaces With One Of My Neighbors =-.

patois 6 years ago

I am beyond relieved to see how it went. The stress you must have been holding in? Thank God you were able to release it. You’re a good soul, lady. A keeper.
.-= patois´s last blog ..Brace Yourself =-.

Erin 6 years ago

I am humbled and impressed with how you handled that situation. I think that the term she used is incredibly offensive and I would have had the same initial reaction that you did.

I am reminded of my grandmother who was in her mid-80’s when she died. She had Parkinson’s and lived in a nursing home for the last few years of her life. Many of her nurses were of different ethnicities than her. Whenever she spoke about them, she would always include their race. For example, she would say that “those Asian nurses are so friendly” or “that coloured nurse is so helpful”. I think she grew up in a time when racism was so common that it was just part of who she was even when she was saying something nice.

I think the way you handled the situation is the antithesis of prejudice. You were offended by something she said and yet you didn’t write her off and assume she must be evil. Instead you talked to her about it and looked at how she interacted with your child to make a decision about her worth as a person. How far we have come!

Heather 6 years ago

She is clueless that is certain. Putting aside the whole prejudice issue and ignorance. Regardless, just because you have a thought in your head doesn’t mean it should come out of your mouth. But then some parents may neglect to have that talk as well:) Good for you for telling her plain and simple its offensive and not ok…ever.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Life as a Mommy =-.

Maria 6 years ago

I think you did the right thing. If you had fired her and never addressed the situation, she would have walked away just as ignorant as she came. You are teaching her a valuable lesson, although she may not even realize it. I wish everyone could get over their biased thoughts on race and religion and just accept the fact that we are all human… each a unique individual with our own personalities and ways.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Nielsen is back – Be one of the lucky few! =-.

parenting BY dummies 6 years ago

Good for you. I’ve never confronted any of the small brained people who have been so inclined to make comments (intentionally or unintentionally) that I found hurtful. It’s sad but I guess it’s just the path of least resistance that I’ve been taught to follow. You are brave in ways I will never be so be proud of yourself for that and rest assured that if nothing else she is probably not gonna use the term Jew boy again. Okay, strike that last part, she probably will use it again, but at least she won’t use it around you and maybe she won’t be half as surprised if another person alerts her to its offensiveness.
.-= parenting BY dummies´s last blog ..Randumb Reality =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

Exactly.

Barb 6 years ago

Sounds like you did the right thing for you and for your family. I don’t think firing her would have helped.. in fact, would have given her fuel for her fire. I’m sure it was helpful to you to voice your concerns even though she still didn’t “get it.” Your son will still get the care he deserves and you’ve let her know that what she said is not acceptable.
.-= Barb´s last blog ..Falling Iguanas =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

Well, she did place an ad on craigslist, so she is computer literate.

melissa 6 years ago

you’re right. she didn’t get it. she won’t ever get it. she is clueless, not malicious.
and he ran to her.
that’s the clincher.
xo

Jen 6 years ago

You know what I love about this? You paused. You took a breath. You put your child first. And your behavior, your reaction to this strange and awful and unexpected situation–the way you are dealing with it now–will teach your child more than if you just fired her. Your son is safe. And he is happy. And he is not going to learn everything he needs to know from this one woman. But she can care for him while you need someone to care for him. And that is enough, because you trust that she is not a bad person. She is ignorant. But not evil. Thanks for sharing. Really!

Em 6 years ago

It chills me to the core that someone, still today, needs to be taught that “Jew-boy” is offensive, but congratulations to you for finding the teaching/learning moment in this. Just think of the difference you will make in her life – to show acceptance in the face of ignorance – I hope she takes that lesson to heart.

Idiot nanny. (sorry, I couldn’t resist)
.-= Em´s last blog ..F.F.F.T. – Yeah, I know it’s Thursday. =-.

Miss Behavin 6 years ago

Sometimes when we’re unsure of what to do, the best thing to do is nothing. Sounds as though you handled this whole situation incredibly well, as emotional tormenting as it was.
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..You Have My Permission To Expose Yourself =-.

Life with Kaishon 6 years ago

i love your mom!

Keyona 6 years ago

I know I commented yesterday to fire her but you showed much maturity. Guess I have some growing up to do. You made the right choice because you followed your instints!
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..She’ll Keep Your Secret…At Least Until You Get Sent Home =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

Thank you.

The nagging feeling I had for the past two days is gone and I feel at peace with my decision. It’s a much better feeling.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Password Protect =-.

Mama Kat 6 years ago

I’m SO glad this ended well. At least as well as it could have. I KNOW you would have had no problem letting her go, but I think you’re making the right decision. Evan loves her and a school just wouldn’t be the same as having him at home with you.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop =-.

monstergirlee 6 years ago

I really think you handled it well, and made the right decision. Thank you for following up with another post, I kept thinking about yesterdays.
And I wasn’t going to comment but it is delurking day – Hi.
.-= monstergirlee´s last blog ..Official DeLurker Day 2010 and a Photo =-.

Vodka Logic 6 years ago

You have to do what you think is right. I don’t know what she thinks of course but it would seem she is more ignorant and tactless than predjudiced. Maybe she can learn something from you.
xx
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..8 things you Need to know about Me !! =-.

Melisa 6 years ago

KUDOS!!!

*clapping, giving you a standing o*

And… Yishar Koach!!!! (That’s “Well done!” for your non-Hebrew-phrase-knowing readers. :) )
.-= Melisa´s last blog ..Note To @Zoeyjane: I’ve Finally Made It! =-.

Sarcastica 6 years ago

I’m glad you told her it was offensive, even if she still was pretty clueless about the whole thing.

Hopefully she won’t do the same thing again (and I doubt she will, since you spoke to her about it).
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..The Cottage =-.

Kel – rewritingkel 6 years ago

I can understand why you would feel her comments were offensive. But my thought yesterday when you were saying how much Evan cared for her made me wonder if her ignorance should be ignored (for lack of better words) for his sake. I had a nanny that her and I disagreed on nutrition as she was a vegan and my household is not. But my children loved her, so we were able to work past it for their sake. I know that is in NO way comparable to the comments made by your nanny. I know whatever you decide to do will be for you and your family, and what you feel is in their best interest. Keep your head up. :)
.-= Kel – rewritingkel´s last blog ..Changes for 2010 =-.

American in Norway 6 years ago

SO happy to hear she is just stupid & not evil.
.-= American in Norway´s last blog ..My poor husband… =-.

Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy 6 years ago

Good for you for speaking with her. She’s with your children and they see and hear so much (and pick up on things NOT said). One comment can have such an impact on a kid, more so than an adult sometimes. Hopefully, you raised her awareness level some.
.-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..From the Cute Things My Kid Says Files: Never Have, Never Will =-.

Karen 6 years ago

I have a son with Down syndrome. The term ‘retard’ is that kind of offensive to me. I have chosen not to take it personally because it means different things to different people, but I do gently ask them not to use it. Most will know why, and apologize. Some will need a gentle reminder that it’s a slander against my son. I figure all I can do is educate.

The Pursuit of Mommyness 6 years ago

Of course you did the right thing…direct communication is ALWAYS the best way to handle issues like this. I agree with another commenter who now I can’t find to reference…but she said this woman is probably from another generation where they used different terms…but didn’t intend it to be mean, hateful or prejudice. Of course, I wasn’t there, so I’m only guessing.

Not big on nannies anyway…I hated having one when I was a kid…she was totally inappropriate. Making a quick change for the better for your kiddo was good!
.-= The Pursuit of Mommyness´s last blog ..After 562 Blog Posts and Much Success, The Mom Crowd Says Goodbye =-.

Ottavia “Tammy” 6 years ago

That’s good you confronting her on the subject. It sounds that she did realize the power of her words…kind of like a 3 year old.
.-= Ottavia “Tammy”´s last blog ..I’ve been tagged! =-.

amber 6 years ago

Actually, if you had fired her, you might have given her more fuel to feed her prejudice (if that’s what this is, instead of ignorance). That must have been a really difficult decision to make, though. Good for you.
.-= amber´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Where I’d Rather Be Right Now. =-.

WebSavvyMom 6 years ago

–>Your Nanny sounds like she went to the Archie Bunker School of Stereotypes. I’m glad you addressed it with her but also have a Plan B in place for your kids.
.-= WebSavvyMom´s last blog ..A Favorite Thing – Homegrown Lemons =-.

Severine 6 years ago

Wow! You really do get to learn something every day, don’t you!?
Perspectiiiiive! :-)
.-= Severine´s last blog ..Wordless Thursday, ’cause I forgot Wednesday! =-.

Roxane 6 years ago

You know it’s so funny. I’m a nanny and the parents I work for COULD be the biological parents of your nanny B. The mother once told me I looked like a Hasidic Jew…I have no problem with Jewish people of any sort but I have to say that I do NOT look at all like them. She also once told me that “all immigrants should go back to where they came from” (ummm I’m an immigrant! lol)

Those people are a nightmare, I just wish I had another family I could replace them with. When I do, I’ll remember not to hate them because of all the hateful things they have said and done but just chalk it up to ignorance!
.-= Roxane´s last blog ..Boston =-.

S Club Mama 6 years ago

So I’m really uneducated when it comes to Judaism (sad, that being where Christianity started) so most of my knowledge comes from books I’ve read about the Holocaust-era. A Jewish day school – what exactly is different about that? Is it like a Catholic school where they add mass (I don’t know much about Catholic schools either to be honest)?
.-= S Club Mama´s last blog ..Sesame Street Live =-.

lceel 6 years ago

“not the brightest candle on the menorah” just about did me in. Well, my keyboard actually. Apparently, it’s mildly coffee proof. Now, if I could say as much for my shirt.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..100 Word Challenge – Nervous =-.

MommyTime 6 years ago

I think it can be hard to confront people about anything, particularly things that are so personal and sensitive and about which they are so clueless. So, you deserve kudos for handling the situation so frankly and well. She doesn’t seem quite capable of seeing the problem, but if I were in your shoes, with all the circumstances of moving etc., I’d make the same decision about keeping her. The lack of malice in the comment and the tremendous competence in the childcare arena do seem to mitigate somewhat. Good luck with YOUR new job! I hope the stress over the nanny begins to abate (though I imagine the shock of her comments might take a while to fade).
.-= MommyTime´s last blog ..The Siren Call of Stuff (part 2) =-.

Stesha 6 years ago

You know what’s best for your family. She now knows where you stand on the subject, and maybe she did learn a little lesson. Maybe.

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
.-= Stesha´s last blog ..Haiti =-.

Lori Z. 6 years ago

You have some serious cojones my friend. I can’t imagine confronting someone. Even when my husband has been asked ludicrous things (like if the way he rocks when he sings is because he’s Jewish) it’s been something we laugh about. But we’ve never had that sort of ignorance around our kids, so that might be different.

I’d love to think that exposure will educate her, but if she’s taking that “some of my grandparents are Jewish” defensive stance then it’s unlikely that she’s open minded enough to admit she was insensitive and learn. It’s like that Seinfeld episode, what was it, the “Anti-dentite” or something.
.-= Lori Z.´s last blog ..Silly Haiku Wednesday: The Road =-.

pgoodness 6 years ago

Certainly not to excuse her behavior, but the fact that she’s in her sixties? Kind of changes things. She’s my mom’s age and to be honest, I think a lot of that generation still holds on to the things that their parents taught them, good or bad. For example, my grandfather was about the biggest racist there was, and it’s taken YEARS and a lot of hard work and mind opening on my mom’s part to not become the same way. Over the years my brother and I have had to correct her or call her out and she’s learned. :) We learn from our parents and that’s not always a good thing.

ANYWAY, I think you made the right call, for what it’s worth. I think that she probably didn’t think it offensive because she really had no clue (and probably still doesn’t), but given the circumstances, I think she’s perfect for right now.

The Wifey 6 years ago

Wow! I think you did the right thing and am very proud that you didn’t punish her for ignorance. Firing her for it may have just caused lifelong prejudices instead. Good for you! :)
.-= The Wifey´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday— %@$#! =-.

mommymae 6 years ago

i told my husband about yesterday’s post & that it was about time we talked to our 2 older kids about how they should be proud jews who stick up for themselves. their innocence does not deserve to be lost for their heritage & the ignorance of others.
.-= mommymae´s last blog ..a wee break =-.

jenn 6 years ago

i think you made the right decision. i don’t think she is evil, i believe she is uninformed and well..uneducated on the subject at hand. i wouldn’t know the difference between someone Jewish from someone baptist by looking at them (besides that southern accent HA HA) so maybe she doesn’t understand how derogatory she sounded, how uninformed she actually is, very ignorant IMO, and maybe, *just* maybe, you will be able to educate her a bit before the move 😉
.-= jenn´s last blog ..One Sip Away =-.

RLG 6 years ago

Good for you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is ride it out. Best of luck to you in the new school. How exciting! xoxo
.-= RLG´s last blog ..Dinner With Friends =-.

brittany at mommy words 6 years ago

I am glad you could go with your heart and look toward the future and hope that maybe she becomes somewhat wiser in her time with your family.

Its always nice not to fire anyone too. It sucks!

Good luck and p.s. So cute and awesome when our moms comment on our posts. Moms rock!

dawn 6 years ago

yes, good for you. I’m with you. can we go back to typing away & working at Starbucks? I mean, how I miss those days of being able to do that. Lucky you. Endulge me…
.-= dawn´s last blog ..homemade cheesy tater tots =-.

Megan {Velveteen Mind} 6 years ago

I meant to comment on your last post and then decided that it was none of my business. I saw your first tweet and thought about it all day. Funny how things will strike you.

Had you fired her, you may have made her think twice before speaking her mind next time. By keeping her, you may have the opportunity to change the thought processes that actually occur in her mind.

I believe you made the right decision. I know it’s not your job to educate your world, but I think you can educate her simply by allowing her into your life. It seems to be ignorance, not malice, that guides her words in this situation. It’s no excuse, but the fact that you have an opportunity here is remarkable.

Well done.
.-= Megan {Velveteen Mind}´s last blog ..Looking Forward with Deliberation: Social Media Strategy =-.

Mr Lady 6 years ago

This is EXACTLY the decision I was hoping you’d make.
.-= Mr Lady´s last blog ..And super heroes come to feast; to taste the flesh not yet deceased. And all I know is still the beast is feeding. =-.

Jeff 6 years ago

This conversation illustrates just how powerful a tool the Blog has become. It’s wonderful to see such an important and timely issue discussed so openly and honestly. I can only imagine from the number of comments how many people beyond your readers have been touched by this series.

The Glamorous Life Association 6 years ago

I replied in an email back on the comment above…

I can’t believe my comment offended you.
I know that Judism is not an actual race. I know that you can convert to practice Judism. But to believe that there are not stereo typical cliche’s that go hand in hand with a religion that is tied so specifically to a race with very distinct appearance features (dark hair, eyes) is well….I think what I was really trying to say is, that it would be her INTENT and TONE that would matter most to me. Was she saying it as an INSULT? Or as niave commentary.

I wasn’t trying to offend you.
Oh but wait…I DID.
yeah….
:(
.-= The Glamorous Life Association´s last blog ..Let’s catch up… =-.

Taking Heart 6 years ago

I am impressed with the grace you are showing her… in all of her grand ignorance… Hope it works out for the best.
.-= Taking Heart´s last blog ..An opportunity to shine for haiti =-.

Jennifer 6 years ago

Here’s the thing, and I’m not sure it makes it any better, but I’m not sure she means anything by it. I’m completely sure she didn’t mean it as offensive. I think calling Evan a jew boy is just like calling her an old, white lady (if she’s white, I have no idea of course). I’m not saying this makes it right, I’m just saying that you were right the first time… she’s ignorant of the fact that the comments are racist. She doesn’t mean them that way and probably has never thought of them that way when someone else used them. I think you made the right decision keeping her, but I’m pretty sure that you are never going to change her. And she will never realize that it is wrong.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..The Road Not Traveled. =-.

NotSoKosherKowboy 6 years ago

Repeat after me:

Judaism is not a race.
Judaism is not a race.
Judaism is not a race.

Thank you.

Ashkenazic Jews (80% of total world Jewry) all share similar backgrounds from Central and Eastern Europe. It is not a part of Judaism to proselytize (induce someone to convert) so Judaism was never spread amongst heterogenous peoples as Christianity and Islam were. Sephardic Jews are much more heterogenous owing to their expulsion from Spain and Portugal in the 15th century.

Jews can be any race, just as Christians and Muslims can.

Becky @TheRealBecks 6 years ago

i think this is great. i think you made the right choice too. she probably didn’t mean it rudely. just didn’t realize what she said. it was RIDICULOUS what she said but probably innocent in nature from where she was coming from. i think the jewish school is a KICK ASS idea. you rock.
.-= Becky @TheRealBecks´s last blog ..Not writing it off =-.

Hollywood Farm 6 years ago

Bravo Scary Mommy!
Bravo!!
xoxoxo

Your guts will never lie!
.-= Hollywood Farm´s last blog ..I’ll Never Listen To 50’s Music The Same Again =-.

Cheryl 6 years ago

I’m so proud of you for saying something to her; I admittedly don’t know that I’d have the chutzpah (using the positive connotation of the word) to do the same. I wish you all the best as you prepare for your move.

Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me 6 years ago

I am glad you were able to discuss it with her and come to a finally decision. Good luck getting through the next few months with Nanny B.
.-= Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me´s last blog ..Who Needs M&M’s? I Melt Hearts =-.

Tara R. 6 years ago

If for no other reason than that last paragraph, your nanny’s ignorance served a purpose. Too bad you couldn’t get her to understand how her words were insulting. I think you were right in letting her know you were offended.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Come inside, come inside! =-.

The Glamorous Life Association 6 years ago

I am not jewish.
So I am I not sure why saying you ‘look jewish’ is an insult.
After all it is more than a religion. it is for all intensive purposes a RACE of people too. And all races have distinct ‘looks’. Cliche in some cases…but still…I am told I look ‘italian’ or ‘irish’
But I wasn’t there. So I don’t know the tone. I mean it could have sounded insulting I guess.

Just sayin.

drlori71 6 years ago

“Not the brightest candle on the menorah” – priceless.

When I read your post I assumed that your nanny was young (not that age is an excuse for ignorance) but when I read your comments I couldn’t believe that this was a woman in her sixties! Her ignorance is mindboggling to me. I’m sorry you had to experience this.

christy 6 years ago

Good for you for making the right decision for your family, right now. And I wish you guys the best luck in selling your house and moving to your new home!
.-= christy´s last blog ..I’m a lazy pregnant lady =-.

Mom 6 years ago

As always and ever, I am proud of my dear daughter, xxxxooo

Sunday Stilwell 6 years ago

Good for you for weighing all the options, finding alternative childcare if need be and being totally prepared to kick the nanny to the curb.
I can’t say I would have made the same decision but it sounds like it was the right one for right now. Most importantly is you are at peace with it.
.-= Sunday Stilwell´s last blog ..No, I wasn’t born on a Sunday =-.

AllyinVA 6 years ago

For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing for right now. It’s hard to believe that a person could be so clueless in this day and age, but you came across someone who is. So be it. Hopefully, she will remember this conversation and change a little bit for it. And if not, it wasn’t for lack of awareness raising on your part. But, in the meantime, your child is happy and you can return your focus to what you need to do right now.

Bob 6 years ago

A solution. One you can live with is all we can hope for sometimes. It sounds like your future is in good hands.

Jayde 6 years ago

I’m sure she didn’t mean to be offensive. I have found that a lot of people lack the ‘gate’ that stops them from speaking without thinking first. I agree that it’s likely she will never understand where you are coming from and why that statement offended you. I hope your remaining time with her goes much more smoothly, with no additional (unintentional though it may be) offensive conversations. Have a great day!

jen 6 years ago

Good for you!
.-= jen´s last blog ..the nerve =-.

Attilla the Mum 6 years ago

I’m glad you went with your heart, Jill. It’s so inspiring when we can teach one another–and this was a great teaching moment. It truly seems as though she meant no harm, but I’m sure your nanny will think twice before she says something like that again.

Tamara 6 years ago

You definitely took the high road without selling out. You explained your feelings on the subject, and even though she didn’t “get it” necessarily, you did what you had to do. The fact that your son likes her is the important thing b/c at least that means she isn’t saying hurtful things like that to him.

Some people just don’t have a filter, and sometimes we can’t change that (trust me, I’ve tried…I’m a therapist AND my MIL is one of those w/no filter!)

Hang in there until you move!

Tamara
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com
.-= Tamara´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: 1 Year Anniversary of Losing My Ovary =-.

WackyMummy 6 years ago

I have a soft spot for innocence (yes, even innocence masked as ignorance)… you can’t help but admire that level of dumb. Makes for some great blog fodder, too. 😉

I like how you handled it. Maybe she’ll learn. Maybe she won’t. You tried. She sounds sweet, at least. That counts for something.
.-= WackyMummy´s last blog ..this morning =-.

TheKitchenWitch 6 years ago

You know what I think? I think you made the right decision? Because you know what being close to you and your family these next few months is going to do?

It’s going to surprise her. She’s going to learn a lot. And her narrowness and her limited expectations? Those are going to shift. And grow.

You have so much to teach her. This is a wonderful opportunity to do just that.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Ina’s Indonesian Chicken =-.

Nan 6 years ago

See? Just not very bright. I think it’ll be okay, for now.
.-= Nan´s last blog ..It’s Just Not Faaaair! =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

My gut reaction was not that she had malicious/bigoted intent. It was total shock that someone would use that term to refer to my child. In my home.

You’re right, she is a person and obviously I respect and trust her if I am willing to leave my children in her care. But, I do feel I have the right to be appalled by the statement.

And, yes, I grew up in an area with a sizable number of Jews. But, we’re now one of the only families in our neighborhood and did a 3 year stint in Tennessee, where people were incredulous that Jews celebrated Thanksgiving.

I don’t think it was right, but I’m willing to get past it. Onward and upward.

Michele 6 years ago

I’m thinking of the movie “Clueless” here. Main character is a sweet, well-meaning moron.

It’s at least nice to have an explanation for what is (or isn’t) going on in her mind. At least it isn’t bigotry in the sense of thinking poorly or incorrectly…she just isn’t thinking, period. Neither is good, but at least it isn’t any worse than what it is.
.-= Michele´s last blog ..WEEKEND MUSINGS: Riding the Wheel of Fortune =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

I’m home the whole time, and can hear/see what goes on. If I wasn’t? Hell, yes.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

Not at all, Ann. I don’t think YOU are capable of offending me. :)

Alexis 6 years ago

wow. such a story! I’m glad you dealt with it and I’m really proud of you for taking a very high road when you didn’t have to. You are an example to follow. xo

Lynn from For Love or Funny 6 years ago

It sounds like you’ve made the right decision. Perhaps your nanny will learn how hurtful words can be, even if they are spoken without any ill will.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..We’re having TWINS! =-.

Elisa 6 years ago

I don’t get it. Why does she keep saying that? “Look like a jew”?!? WTF does that mean?

On a positive note, it’s nice that this hasn’t made you lose your sense of humor – “not the brightest candle on the menorah”? Brilliant :-)
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Outfit of the Week: coffee with the expats =-.

dysfunctional mom 6 years ago

Ugh. That was a hard position to be in. I hope you’re right, that she’s just thoughtless and not malicious. Sometimes older people are that way.

Sophia’s Mom 6 years ago

I seriously doubt Nanny B even knows what the internet is!

The important thing is that your son likes her and that she’s not evil… just an idiot :)
.-= Sophia’s Mom´s last blog ..The Corner Stork: Review & Giveaway – Ends 01/28/10 =-.

NotSoKosherKowboy 6 years ago

I’m gonna try and restrain myself here. I’m sure I’m gonna fail. I do not know your background and will hazard a guess that you’ve grown up in areas with fairly sizeable Jewish communities? Also dunno where Nanny B is from, nor her background, race, etc. That said?

Newsflash: Much of the folks in/from Flyover Country ain’t ever met anyone who’s Jewish and know very little about us. The most common misconception I encounter is that Judaism is a race, not a religion. Yes, Virginia, there’re American Jews, Mexican Jews, Chinese Jews (ok at least a few), Ethiopean Jews, etc! Yet I don’t fault someone for not knowing this!

So who precisely is ignorant here and why do I ask this? If someone’s going to be in your employ taking care of that which is most precious to you I’d think you’d know/learn enough about them to be able to have a ‘read’ on them and know such a statement would NOT be malicious in intent BEFORE you got all knicker-twisted?

I give you the benefit of the doubt as I was raised in South Texas in a town that in English is named Body of Christ. Sooo there’s strikes one and two for the local Yehudim. But what makes my blood boil is that you PRESUMED she had malicious/bigoted intent when that’s likely NOT the case at all! The fact that she flushed red and was embarrassed speaks to this! Yes, she’s ignorant. As are we all when we simply haven’t learned or been exposed to something! I’ll buy you a damn business class ticket if you can wing off to Tokyo and manage social interactions there without putting your foot in it!

I’m willing to bet if you take the time to get to know this woman as you already should’ve? You’ll find you have things to learn from her as well. She may not be as educated as you. She may not be as enlightened. But she’s certainly had very different experiences in her life and has learned things you’ve never been exposed to. Not that you have to be best friends, but if you treat her with respect and as a person vs. simple domestic help? You’ll find you learn some amazing things AND gain loyalties you can’t buy with any amount of money.

Spoken as one that went with my parents’ gardener on holiday voyages home to Mexico (Coatzacoalcos, Vera Cruz). Bonus: I went from knowing zero Spanish to becoming somewhat fluent thanks to those voyages as well as seeing things I’d never experience otherwise.

Also spoken as one who’s part of a 60 year strong family business that employs 900+ people, many of whom have been with us over 30 years. It’s that loyalty thing, and it DOES go both ways. No matter what someone’s station in life? Treat them properly, deal with them honestly and fairly, and they’ll go to the ends of the earth for you.

Vaya con dios, and may the force be with you.

Mad Woman 6 years ago

Wow she really isn’t very bright is she? *sigh*

Well, I guess Evan is happy with her, and that really counts for something right? And like you said, pretty soon they’ll be in a new school where no one will make any comments like that.
.-= Mad Woman´s last blog ..I have crossed to the dark side….they had better cookies this week. =-.

Becca – Our Crazy Boys 6 years ago

A few years ago, I had a sitter that LOVED my son. I liked her. A lot. But she let her kids drink soda in the morning, stay up way too late, and run around with no rules. I didn’t like that at all.

But do you know what? She LOVED my son. And she protected him.

I thought about taking him somewhere else, but I knew I would never find anyone who loved him like her own. Like she did.

So he stayed. Because even though I didn’t approve of everything she did, I knew in my heart that he was safe. And loved. And that’s what really mattered.

I know this is not that similar to what your nanny did, but I believe the underlying logic is similar. Good for you for talking to her. I believe you’re doing the right thing, for what it’s worth.
.-= Becca – Our Crazy Boys´s last blog ..My new love… Guacamole. =-.

Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father) 6 years ago

Sounds like you made the correct choice. Ignorance is different than bigotry, but hopefully you can find a respectful way before you part company to convey to her the power words can carry, even when you don’t know what they mean to others.
.-= Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..Helping You ‘Get’ Twitter =-.

Rachael 6 years ago

Bravo to you. Sounds like a good decision considering the impending move.

Elaine 6 years ago

I cannot believe she’s really THAT clueless but I admire you for handling it so well and looking past it for now.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..Wednesday Weigh in Week 2 =-.

Deb 6 years ago

Sounds like she’s genuinely oblivious to the problem with her words. Shocking, yes, but as you said, not malicious. Hope things go smoother from here.
.-= Deb´s last blog ..Speed racer =-.

Cheryl 6 years ago

Beautifully, beatifully done, Jill. Evan clearly likes her…. regretfully people we like, love, and occasionally are even related to, need to have their perceptions brought under the brightest light in the menorrah! 😉 From the way you handled this, heaven forbid she utter a future unsavory ditty (and if she didn’t see the offense in this one, she just might!), my guess is you can educate her to the inappropriateness of the usage.

(My sister-in-law has a different skin color than the rest of my biological family. We heard some shocking, appalling and unexpected commentary from some of our family elders when my brother shared his news of great fortune in engaging his incredible wife. They’ve ALL revised—and now deeply regret–their former statements/perceptions. Nanny may not be hopeless. You CAN teach a receptive “old” dog new tricks.)
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Way Back When-esday: What Do You See? =-.

Mariah 6 years ago

I still cannot believe this happened to you. I am so sorry. I couldn’t wait to read today’s update. I have had to face this type of ignorance growing up, being a different ethnicity. Sometimes innocent, other times not at all. I can’t believe my husband and I still get looks when we are in certain places, being a bi-racial couple. My son (who is darker skinned) gets comments about his color and race.

As far as we have come as a people, times like this remind me that we still have so far to go. You took the high road so feel good about that. Well done.
.-= Mariah´s last blog ..Jude v Clay: Part One =-.

Lolli 6 years ago

I’m glad to hear it. I agree. She sounds simply ignorant. And there are some very good, well meaning (in their own way) ignorant people out there. How wonderful to hear about a school that you can send the kids to in your new place!
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..Fears? Conquered! A WordFul Wednesday =-.

Julie 6 years ago

I think you made the right choice. People from that generation just don’t get it (and…for the love of Germany, you’d think they WOULD), but they don’t. I think that Americans were really devoid of the truth of what was going on. I don’t need to get into it, but just like I said about the In-Laws last night, it’s a habit they can’t get out of. It infuriates us, but they don’t understand why.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..True Story Tuesday =-.

ggs_closet 6 years ago

“Not the brightest candle in the menorah”
– that made me laugh.

I’m glad you found a way to deal with this. We are such a PC society now that it is mind boggling to hear someone say that.
As long as you are comfortable in your decision then that is all that matters.
And who knows, maybe she will get a clue and learn something during her time with you.
.-= ggs_closet´s last blog ..WTH Wednesday =-.

Christine 6 years ago

I think you’re right- it doesn’t seem like there’s malice. It’s a shame, but ignorance runs rampant. Evan likes her and if she was less than kind to him, he wouldn’t have run to her and in the end, that’s the most important part, right?

I do love your “Oy to the Vey” though and may have to borrow it.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..More Trouble Afoot? =-.

Casey 6 years ago

Man, when I read your post from yesterday my jaw was hanging open….I assumed she would have felt like the biggest ass and would have realized that she said something really stupid before she could stop herself. Not the brightest candle in themenorrah had me laughing out loud. I’m glad that the nany ignorance doesn’t appear to be evil and purposeful!

Honey B. 6 years ago

I really think you did an amazing job with handling her. As you said, not the brightest candle in the menorah. But she doesn’t seem to be mean-spirited at least, and hopefully explaining how her words were so offensive will teach her the power of her own words? Good for you for standing up and telling her!

rachel-asouthernfairytale 6 years ago

“oy to the vey” and “not the brightest candle on the menorah” Two reasons I love you 😉

The class and grace with which you handled this… even more so.

love to the you 😉

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

Thank you. Your comments really made me think.

Jack 6 years ago

My kids go to day school. It has been great, but be prepared to spend a couple of bucks. It is not cheap.
.-= Jack´s last blog ..A True Test of Character =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

The thing is, she is in her sixties. I think the word innocence is way too forgiving. She’s not a child.

I’m willing to look past it, but I’m not accepting it.

Laura (@cumomof2) 6 years ago

I am glad you used this as a “teachable moment.” It was probably more eye-opening for you than it was for her. The reality is that although we are in 2010, racism, bigotry, and just plain ignorance is alive and well. My cleaning lady, who sees every inch of our very obviously Jewish home, still writes “Merry Christmas” every year to me in a card. Oy to the Vey is right! And yay for day school.
.-= Laura (@cumomof2)´s last blog ..A Year Living With Less: Week 1 =-.

Anne 6 years ago

That kind of ignorance and bigotry makes me so sad, because it’s obvious that she thinks nothing is wrong with it. To me, it’s one thing when people are outspokenly prejudiced and know that their opinions are not popular or well received. It’s easy to write them off as wackos and hateful nut jobs. But in this case, it’s almost worse, because she’s not hateful, she’s just uneducated, and it breaks my heart that that kind of thinking is still alive and well.

I’m so glad Evan likes her, and I hope that the next few months work out well for you.
.-= Anne´s last blog ..Free Magazines! =-.

Scary Mommy 6 years ago

I certainly hope not. It was a risk I took. Never told her about it…

Jodi 6 years ago

Okay, I am totally stealing the “oy to the vey” and my husband asked me why I was laughing so hard….I told him “not the brightest candle on the menorah” is one of the funniest things I have heard in a while. I think that this was the right decision. But what’s most important is that your comfortable with it. My husband and I just had a nice long conversation about this and we think the comment is just more ridiculous than offensive. Although she is certainly a tad bit ignorant (I guess we all have our moments), I think she is just plain oblivious and possibly a little old school (meaning she hasn’t caught up to the current century). I find that the “old school” generation has no filter but certainly could use it. Congrats on the peace keeping and good luck, from your favorite *shiksa* follower….”oy to the vey” my mother in law is going to yell at me for that one!
.-= Jodi´s last blog ..Happy Birthday i heart faces! =-.

Stephanie @ Geezees 6 years ago

You are one classy gal!
.-= Stephanie @ Geezees´s last blog ..our winter – before and after kids, wordless wednesday =-.

nic @mybottlesup 6 years ago

jill- you have my support 100% and unwavering. i’m only a phone call away. i can’t help but wonder what she would say if i were to come over next week with jackson (dark hair, dark eyes)… not to stir the pot, but it does make me wonder.

xoxo.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..like jail but with door knobs =-.

Robin 6 years ago

Good for you! You handled this much more rationally and calmly than I would have. (See my comment yesterday for proof.) Glad to hear that something great come out of such a crappy experience! PS- Love your “oy to the vey.”
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Monday’s Muse: Cuckoo for Coco (O’Brien) =-.

punkinmama 6 years ago

I think you’ve made a good decision. You never know what impact you will have on her, but you may never know… regardless, it sounds like you’ve made the right decision for your son for this time of his life.
.-= punkinmama´s last blog ..Project 365: 2010 =-.

nelle 6 years ago

I’m incredibly proud of you!

Sara 6 years ago

I think you’ve handled this whole thing beautifully.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

AllisonO 6 years ago

Good for you. I imagine she is young, and while this doesn’t make it excusable, I feel like to some extent she is the product of her life experiences and parenting.

I’m glad you were able to see innocence -albeit ignorant innocence – in her.
.-= AllisonO´s last blog ..the ingredients for a sweet recipe =-.

Mommy X 6 years ago

I can see myself doing the exact same thing you did. I got my dander up on this one, but I feel ya. Maybe she will learn something by being around your family. Kudos for telling her that she was being offensive.
.-= Mommy X´s last blog ..Misfit =-.

Debra Schubert 6 years ago

Oy to the vey and not the brightest candle on the menorah fo’ sho’! Since it’s short term, I can get where you’re coming from. Two words, though: spy camera.
.-= Debra Schubert´s last blog ..SUBLIMINAL MONDAY – Edits, Don’t You Love ‘Em? [Um, no.] or I WANT MY SKINNY JEANS! =-.

Ann’s Rants 6 years ago

I hope you didn’t mind my chewbacca tweet yesterday. I meant only to give you levity in the midst of a stressful situation.

I think you made the right choice by going with your gut. You absolutely had to address it, which was no easy task, and you did so gracefully.

Although she may never understand where you are coming from, she may appreciate your candor and at the least have a positive association with tolerance?

Ann
.-= Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..10 Signs You’ve Emerged from Babyland =-.

Karen Bannan 6 years ago

You are a very forgiving person. I am not sure I could be as liberal and nice as you were. I probably would have fired her. Although maybe she’s being honest in that she didn’t mean what she said in a derogatory way. At the very least you can feel good that you were brave enough to stand up to her and bring it to her attention that what she said just wasn’t cool.
.-= Karen Bannan´s last blog ..Kendra’s Delivery Protocol: Just Wrong =-.

LZ @ My Messy Paradise 6 years ago

That was supposed to be “Good” not God. But quite fitting, I guess 😉
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Hoarder in training =-.

LZ @ My Messy Paradise 6 years ago

God – I’m glad your comfortable with your decision. It makes a huge difference that you don’t see any malicious intent behind her words.
I hope it all works out for the duration!
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Hoarder in training =-.

Marinka 6 years ago

“Not the brightest candle in the menorah” is fantastic.
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..IRL Friends =-.

Allison 6 years ago

I’m glad you never blogged about me while I was your nanny 😉 Some people just don’t think before they speak. I miss all of you and hope you are doing well!

MoCo Mom 6 years ago

Nicely done :-)

Kathee 6 years ago

I think you handled the situation professionally, and with quite a bit of intelligence. Your nanny is obviously simply ignorant to other cultures and religions, and it is unfortunate that she is not alone in this world. She seems harmless but ignorant, and I guess be thankful you only need her for a few more months!
.-= Kathee´s last blog ..What I Meant to Say Wednesdays: My Grocery Shopping Trip =-.

Kristina 6 years ago

It’s too bad that it didn’t register with her how offensive this was and that she didn’t apologize with much sincerity, it seems. I don’t blame you for just hanging on for the short term. It’s hard to create child care upheaval.

She will probably not throw that term around again but it sounds like she’s not clear on why she shouldn’t. *sigh*

June 6 years ago

I’m glad I got to read yesterday’s post and today’s post in one sitting.

I certainly don’t know exactly where you’re coming from, because I don’t have the same life experiences as you do. But I suppose I can relate. Ethnically, I’m chinese. But whenever anyone asks me, I say I’m american (well, if I’m feeling sassy. otherwise, “my parents are from china”). My husband is Jewish. But he’s kind of semi-practicing. It’s more from a traditional perspective rather than a religious one. ANYWAY, with 2 halfsie kids I think sometimes about all these racial/religious issues. But mostly, I think that it’s only as big a deal as you make it out to be. I grew up in a very white rural town, and I’ve been made fun of for my ethnic features by kids who ended up being great friends of mine in the end. Some battles are worth getting in a tizzy about, but it seems like this one wasn’t, for you. I hope that your relationship with the nanny ends up a positive one, and maybe maybe you will rub off on her in a great way. Like my Christian Bush loving friends do on me (we just don’t talk politics :)

Cara 6 years ago

Honestly, that doesn’t sound like bigotry so much as just plain ignorance. Which, no surprise, the foundation for bigotry is typically ignorance, but as you said, it doesn’t sound like there is any anger or hatred in this girl. That doesn’t make what she said any more acceptable, but maybe it takes a teensy bit of the bite out of it?

Anyways, here’s to a successful move and a new school! (Which I say just a wee bit selfishly because I look forward to hanging out when you move up here!)
.-= Cara´s last blog ..Four =-.

Kell 6 years ago

Loved, “not the brightest candle in the menorah” comment!
You are a really good person, and though you probably didn’t think the nicest things about her (and maybe still don’t) I think you have handled this situation very elegantly. I admire that. Because of the grace you’ve dealt her maybe from this point on “this” (as in your family) is what a Jew will look like to her…not that anyone, not Jewish, or Christian, or Hindu, or whatever, should look a certain way. But nonetheless, I think a very beautiful point has been made.
Blessings,
Kelli @ SustainingCreativity

Angie 6 years ago

Maybe this is an opportunity to see that Jewish families, homes, kids, and mommies are just like, well, everybody else. Maybe this can be an educational opportunity.

(That being said, if a nanny said that about my Asian husband and our half-Asian kids, I don’t know what I’d do!)

swirl girl 6 years ago

You did the right thing – for your circumstance and for your children.

Maybe all you had to do was have the conversation with her to let her know what a powerful effect her casual comment had on you and your son, so that maybe next time she let’s something roll off her tongue, she might think about it first.

A lesson for all of us…
.-= swirl girl´s last blog ..the one in which she thinks e.e. cummings had a personal trainer** =-.

Maria 6 years ago

I’m really proud of you for the way you’ve handled this. This girl boggles my mind though. It’s extra crazy to see that kind of ignorance in people.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..potential =-.

Aimee 6 years ago

I am assuming the nanny doesn’t read your blog, right?

Yay for Jewish school!
.-= Aimee´s last blog ..energy food =-.