You will fall in love with this mom’s “recipe” for homemade bread
When it comes to baking, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who follow precise recipes and measurements and those who don’t need to. Many of our moms and grandmas fall into the latter category, mostly because they’ve been baking the same delicious family goods for years, and they don’t need to measure perfection.
Enter Krista Ball, a woman originally from Newfoundland, who was craving her mom’s traditional homemade bread and decided to ask her for the recipe. Because who doesn’t have a soft spot for their mom’s baked goods, right?
Krista’s recap of her conversation with her mother surrounding this bread “recipe” is one of the most relatable things you’ll read today.
[Author’s note: there is a Newfoundland accent and dialect, which just adds to the overall charm and sweetness of this story.]
The following conversation is no word of a lie or exaggeration. Context: "Homemade bread" is a thing we all grow up with in Newfoundland & it's not like any other bread I've had. So us kids grown up & want to make it.
— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Krista asked her mom for the recipe — except there’s just one catch.
The problem is that no one believes in recipes. So anywhere, here is the recipe (this is like the 5th time I've asked Mom)— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
So relatable. My grandma looks at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted three heads when I ask her for certain recipes because she just knows how to make everything her own way.
Me: How do I make a small batch of bread?— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Mom: Like 6 loaves?
Me: Less, but sure. 6.
Mom: You needs a bag of flour.
Me: Which one?
Mom: The big bag. Not the big, big bag. But the big one. You don't want the small one. I don't know what you got up there in that place
“Not the big, big bag.” LOL. So perfect.
(note: "up there in that place" = Alberta)— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Me: Do I use the whole bag?
Mom: Not unless you want to make a big batch.
Me: Okay then. Some of the bag of flour. What else?
Mom: You needs a big bread pan.
Me: I got that.
Mom: You needs a big one.
Mom: you needs more than double the sugar than the salt.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Me: How much?
Mom: Just pour it in your hand and then double the sugar and then a bit.
Me: How much of your hand?
Mom: Just in your hand maid.
Me: Ok, salt, double sugar.
Mom: A bit more than double
Me: Yeast?— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Mom: You needs a pack.
Me: One pack?
Mom: one three pack, yes.
Me: okay, so 3 packs?
Mom: You don't want to put in that much yeast!
Me: ... okay. What else?
Mom: You gotsta heat up the milk. I puts in 6 mugs.
Mom: The glass mug Dad likes.
Me: ...I know which one you mean. Okay, 6 mugs.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Mom: If you can't afford all milk, put in some water, but it's not as good.
Me: Ok, just milk.
Mom: With some water.
Me: But you said not to put in water.
Mom: You needs water for the yeast.
Me: okay, so water for the yeast
Mom: Then you makes a well, pours it all in with the melted butter...— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Me: there's butter?
Mom: It's melted.
Me: how much?
Mom: Just a bit.
Me: How much is that?
Mom: A few spoonfuls.
Me: ok. Then you mix it all right?
(explains her personal feelings on double raising bread, which apparently is something people fight over)— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Me: What do you bake it on?
Mom: You puts in the pans, maid.
Me: I mean, temperature.
Mom: Not too hot.
Mom: That's too hot!
Me: Okay, so 350?
Mom: I guess. Yes.
Me: How long?— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
Mom: Until it's baked.
Me: How long does that take?
Mom: Depends on how full the oven is. Then you takes it out, rubs butter all over it, and lets it cool. It's not hard.
Me: ... this is like building a nuclear bomb.
Hahaha. This old school “recipe” plus Twitter equals the perfect amount of amusement.
(note that this is all done while shouting because she can't hear me over the phone and refuses to turn down the TV)— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) November 24, 2017
OMG THIS MOM IS ALL OF OUR MOMS AND GRANDMAS.
This year for Thanksgiving, I wanted to try and make my grandma’s pie crust recipe. (“Wanted” is really more “had to” because the grocery store had everything but my trusty pie crust shells and I had committed to a pie.) All I can tell you is that Grandma’s recipe included a whole lotta lard (shoutout to Crisco) and eyeballing measurements, and it was so good. Not because it’s a revolutionary pie crust, but because it’s hers.
You want to replicate those childhood favorites as best you can, and those old school recipes simply aren’t meant for Food Network levels of precise measuring. Which just makes them even sweeter.