Photos of a little girl being attacked by a goose go viral after her sister shares them
Geese are assholes. There. I said it. And now, a little girl from Houston is probably on my “Screw Geese Forever” team after being attacked by one and having photos of the incident go viral. God dammit, geese. Can we live?
According to Buzzfeed, 5-year-old Summer Gidden, her 17-year-old sister Stevie and their two other siblings were innocently checking out some baby geese that happened to be in their neighborhood. Stevie explains that the kids all got a little too close to Momma Goose’s babies — and the fowl unleashed her mama bear (bird?) fury on the kid with the shortest legs who couldn’t escape her wrath quite fast enough.
One neighbor watching the attack go down decided to snap photos instead of trying to rescue poor Summer (thanks?) and the result is admittedly hilarious.
Summer got attacked by a duck today & the pictures our neighbor got of it happening make me laugh so hard pic.twitter.com/GEJuGwPy24
— stevie b (@steviebaegidden) May 2, 2016
Stevie decided to tweet the photos and they quickly gained speed. They’ve now been retweeted over 50,000 times and little Summer and that terrible goose are officially internet-famous. And yes, the tweet does call the bird a duck, a misnomer which the internet was only too happy to point out about eight zillion times.
Twitter also showed its concern for the child and the fact that someone was taking photos while a child was being attacked by a vicious bird beast. Stevie later clarified that someone was helping the poor kid, even as someone else was making sure to secure viral glory. Hey, there are heroes of all sorts.
Stevie says Summer is all good now, totally unscathed from the unfortunate incident and very excited about her internet fame. “She thinks her post going viral on the internet is funny, and that’s the only thing she’s talked about today.”
Of course, we can only laugh because Summer ended up being ok. Had she been injured, we wouldn’t be gazing upon these hilarious photos. At least I hope not.
And I’m glad to hear Summer has so much chill when it comes to these winged demons. Living in upstate New York where geese come to roost every year, I can tell you that these birds are absolutely nothing to trifle with. Experience has taught me that they will come at you with very little provocation. To that end, my kids have been conditioned to be careful around them, because as evidenced by these photos, geese are total wild cards. Especially when it comes to protecting their babies.
I learned that the hard way one summer as I jogged innocently through my favorite park that happens to surround a lake inhabited by hundreds of shitty geese (literally — they shit all over the place. Could they suck more?). Groups of them often block the running path with their plump, asshole bodies and you basically have to give them the right-of-way unless you feel like doing hand-to-wing combat with a flying douchebag who couldn’t care less about blinding you with its beak. On this particular run, I had my son in the jogging stroller. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Idyllic as can be, right?
We happened upon a bunch of geese, with some looking about toddler goose age, I guess? Like, they weren’t in a nest. Not a gosling, not yet a goose? Sorry Britney, I tried. Bottom line, I did not for one moment think they were infant geese worthy of the protective mother goose shitstorm about to rain down on me in a park in front of tons of people.
I slowly approached with my stroller and a few of the smarter ones began to disperse. The others stubbornly stood or sat in the jogging path, the smaller geese kind of toddling around them. I decided to just keep rolling because, what the hell? I’m a human. Top of the food chain and all. They WILL part and allow my gigantic stroller to come through.
As I got within about 10 feet of the teenier geese, a giant one sprinted our way like she had nothing to lose. She was hissing, you guys.
HISSING. And SPRINTING. Please understand how hard I had to work at not peeing my pants.
My fight-or-flight kicked in and as I dug deep for my long-dormant high school track star skills, ready to save myself, I suddenly remembered that my little guy was still happily in his stroller, making adorable toddler sounds that had zero softening effect on the feathered monster hauling ass toward us.
I grabbed the stroller handle and backed up, my son giggling maniacally, obviously thinking this was some sort of game, and I was all NO BABY, OUR LIVES ARE IN DANGER, but we did manage to escape. I ran us backward for several feet so I could keep an eye on Mama Crazy and once I was satisfied we were no longer on her kill list, I turned and jogged the whole way back to the car. Vowing to never, EVER mess with a goose again.
So I feel your pain, Summer. My kids and I will forever give geese a very wide berth so we don’t suffer your fate. But if one of my children somehow becomes the victim of a hit put out by a lunatic goose fresh out of fucks to give? I will tweet that shit. I will tweet that shit so hard.
Sorry, kids. Geese are assholes. But moms can be too.