The Badges of Motherhood

Motherhood is a series of unfortunate events that bonds women together in the most thankless and revolting job on earth.

Ok, so it’s much more than that, too, but the unfortunate events are definitely part of the universal experience.

Whoever a mother is — whether she’s Angelina Jolie or the teen mom at the grocery store checkout — I feel an instant bond with her, knowing we’ve both dealt with a puking kid in our bed or feverish baby at the most inopportune time.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


I was in Girl Scouts for a brief time, and I acquired a snazzy collection of merit badges to brag about my accomplishments like practicing athleticism with purpose and volunteering for a good cause. I’m thinking of finding that sash and slapping on some badges that I’m really proud of: The badges of motherhood.

cbc4ecba6d510e27a7c3d7fbcd148be6

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

From Around the Web

Close

Steph 6 months ago

You are my new favorite human. Period.

Heather 6 months ago

Whoo-hoo! I get all but the Disney badge!

Kami 7 months ago

Hahaha! So far I’ve only earned 2 of these so it looks like I have a lot to look forward to :)

Dorothy Beattie Olafson 9 months ago

Those are some good ones, they missed a couple. Full blown lying on the floor screaming tantrum in a store etc.

Sami Hall 9 months ago

All of these except the poop in the bathtub badge…I’ve fished it but I did gag lmao

Kandys Mercer 9 months ago

All but the Disney badge. I haven’t even gotten brave enough to take my 5 kids to Six Flags that’s only 15 minutes from me so I don’t think we’ll ever make it to Disney.

Conley Narozniak Perry 9 months ago

Missing my Disney Badge and Volunteer Badge. And I’m A-OK with it.

Michelle Marshall 9 months ago

I earned them in all in my first. I don’t even have to read article to know i have battled more in my first then i will in a life time.

Anna 9 months ago

Proud (?!) owner of two Resourceful Badges to date. Incidentally, both were earned at the same crowded restaurant on separate occasions. We won’t be chancing a repeat occurrence!

Michael Burbridge 9 months ago

Badges not just for mommies. Missing the Disney badge.

Katrina Perry 9 months ago

I have earned them all :-)

Lynda Mitchell Williams 9 months ago

The bathroom badge? You’re kidding, right? That’s when they know they have a captive audience!!

April Bailey 9 months ago

Yep…all worth it.

Christine Luckey 9 months ago

I hope so, but probably not. There’s always something new around the corner.

Ella Seven 9 months ago

I have four kids.Do I get one for each kid?

Hilary Wallace 9 months ago

Yep I’ve got them all

Tammy Reel 9 months ago

Everyone of them!

Jenny Bell Combs 9 months ago

so funny! I have been talking about badges a lot of facebook lately and coincidentally this showed up. I think we need to form a club to pat each other on the ultimate badge…survival when they head off to college but in the meantime….my most well deserved badge has to be “Mommy, I hate you” and “you ruin everything”. Yup, my JOB as Mom!

Heather Bill 9 months ago

No Disney badge here…and it took until my third boy to earn my urination badge!!

Maggie Gallagher MacKenzie 9 months ago

I just earned poop in the tub last night!

Jessica Wegrzynski Barone 9 months ago

Still waiting on my Disney badge and my volunteer badge…..elementary school should take care of those!

Tona Ogle 9 months ago

Everything but the Disney badge (haven’t been yet)

Barbara Brizius 9 months ago

Yep! I have earned ALL my badges. But seriously, 3hrs of sleep? Aww 20 min was great. 30 min and i was in heaven’

Rebekah Clayton 9 months ago

If we can change the disney badge to the theme park badge, I get all of these, and then some

Karen Bianculli Bozich 9 months ago

I’ve earned all of them!

Vicki Croisetiere 9 months ago

I feel like a highly decorated war hero.

Helen Grant 9 months ago

all of them plus a few more,

Sophie Thompson 9 months ago

I just read that whilst earning my bathroom badge! Go me!!! lol

Ada 9 months ago

YAY!!!! I have earned them all. Seriously, do I get them? I’ll wear them proudly!!!
Ada

Vaerny Cazemier 9 months ago

Got them all.

Tracy Smith Villaflor 9 months ago

Way more than that badge.

Sabrina Joseph Blizzard 9 months ago

All of them!

Mary Greenfield 9 months ago

All but Disney. Bit far away for me :)

Melinda Pollard 9 months ago

Yep all of them and some

Queen Afrodeshia Jacobs 9 months ago

Toilet, resourceful, urinate, and blowout badge! :$

Jessy Clark Kyle 9 months ago

Lol! I’ve earned all the gross ones so far

Anneke Allen 9 months ago

All but the Fisherman. I gagged.

Angel Cole 9 months ago

I’ve earned all but Disney. This list is pretty short. I’m sure we could think of many more. When’s the next den mother meeting?

Tara Easter Landis 9 months ago

Or having your 9 month throw up baby formula all over you badge as you set in it on a four hour plane ride

Chelsea Meares 9 months ago

I haven’t gotten the Disney Badge (don’t even want to try yet) or the fisherman badge. I did catch some throw up right before Thanksgiving dinner though. It was lovely. Just lovely…. :/ lol

Deb Zaring 9 months ago

5 out of 7, but I can think of many more badge-worthy accomplishments I’ve earned while raising 4 kids (one special needs). I’m thinking Mom Scouts should be a REAL thing!

Kathi Barfield-Brewer 9 months ago

Then there’s the camping with a tot badge. That one definitely puts you in eagle scout status.

Diana 9 months ago

Please make these happen. Please!

Elizabeth Rickabaugh 9 months ago

Woohoo! 4 months in and I’ve earned quiet a few!

Sandy Elvenholl 9 months ago

7 of em. Haven’t dared to attempt Disney yet.

Kathi Barfield-Brewer 9 months ago

Don’t forget the 100 yard mall dash to the bathroom with the potty training toddler badge or the I can keep a serious look on my face as my milk is letting down in front of my boss badge.

Stephanie DeMarzo 9 months ago

I didn’t get my fishermans badge!!

Jessica Rimsek 9 months ago

Does this count when you don’t have kids?!

Katie Tookie-Tookie 9 months ago

I’m a goddam Eagle Scout

Jess Niemet 9 months ago

The “catching puke in your hands” badge… In an attempt to save the back seat of my car… Yeah I earned a few of those

Barbara Walden 9 months ago

Yes to most of them, but need to add dragging/carrying a -completely hysterical because you wouldn’t buy him a toy-3 year old out of the mall without batting an eye badge

Kirsten Williams 9 months ago

every damn one.

Melissa Fisher 9 months ago

Got them all and more! Multiple times!

Angel Detmer 9 months ago

All but Disney. We did go to silver dollar city with a 2 year old and 5 year old though.

Lana 9 months ago

I think I deserve a “Caught daughter’s vomit with my ear and then nearly died from meningitis because of it” badge. Luckily I’m fine now 😀

Marge Cosenza-Crowther 9 months ago

Peeing in a public restroom while wearing or holding a baby…def should be a badge, doing it Disney gets a stripe on that badge.

Laura Gerwood 9 months ago

How about the hold the screaming baby while you assisted the eldest as he vomits all over your bottom half (missing the baby thank goodness) and across the entire kitchen badge? Lol

Jacolyn Gramberg Kotlarz 9 months ago

I haven’t yet but I’m sure I will. He’s only 3 weeks old. :-)

Alanna Klapp 9 months ago

6 out of 8! Ha this is great!

Lexi Dixon 9 months ago

I got 7!!

Krista Hunter Hill 9 months ago

All of these!

Karen 9 months ago

Survived breastfeeding or just feeding a always hungry newborn in general. Held sleepy or crying child past the point when arms were falling asleep, neck was hurting, and had to pee desperately. Slept next to a kid kicking and scratching her and hogging the bed all night long.

Tanya Munro Erway 9 months ago

Yep. All of them and more. How about the “Avoided becoming an alcoholic” badge, or the “I never drugged them to get them to sleep” badge, or the “Can’t drink caffeine, but managing to survive” badge, “I’m sick, but can’t take a sick day” badge…the list is endless…

Tabitha Mott 9 months ago

What about the reaching into the seat behind you while driving badge.

Leslie Lewis 9 months ago

I have a at Disney World with 6 kids and forgot to pack more diapers in the diaper bag and having to fashion a diaper out of baby blankets and a plastic bag then getting peed on , on the bus back to the hotel. I could of bought a diaper but it was after fireworks and all the shops were closed.

Mary Pecbot Brown 9 months ago

All but Disney. That won’t happen till he’s 25.

Tammy Thomas 9 months ago

Yes and then some! Working on my Nana badges now lol

Kristy Morgan 9 months ago

Every one and so much more!!!

Laurie Braslins 9 months ago

LOL

Cheryl Britton 9 months ago

I have two kids and thank god I have never experienced any of these!! Whew! I got it pretty easy!

Cheryl Silen 9 months ago

Have ALL of them. And the ‘sex talk’ badge- have the sex talk with your child, at their level without resorting to cutsey names or euphemisms or simply stating ‘don’t do it till you’re marries or else ” (even if you want to). Have earned that one twice so far.
Also the ‘gift’ badge- shopping for someone else at the toy store with your child, and NOT giving in and buying your child something too.
And the ‘zombie badge’- making it through a busy day even after a night of no sleep for one of the following kid based reasons….1) fussy baby, 2)puking or otherwise ill child, 3) child as bedmate which essentially means spending the night either protecting delicate body parts or trying to get comfortable without waking them up or 4) child away from home stress because of first sleepovers, first campout, fisrt trip with someone other than you or simply teenagers….nuff said…..
I have those three in spades too!

Elizabeth Locke 9 months ago

We have margarita, mimosa, and vodka badges. Partial credit?

Dana Porche 9 months ago

I’ve earned them all!

Dawn Webb 9 months ago

Yep, earned them all. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Pam Edwards-Hoffmann 9 months ago

Yup. Every one. Plus one not mentioned specifically: catching my baby’s poop in my hand because he had already gone through five diapers, and I was cleaning him up to go to the store to buy more diapers!

Janice Conlin Daugherty 9 months ago

All of these apply!

Lisa Marie Combs-Presley 9 months ago

Caught the vomit in my hands, while having a conversation with my friends dad (in a public place), wiped it off with my napkin, and carefully folded said napkin up and put it in my purse…all while carrying on the conversation. Pulled out hand sanitizer and went on like all was normal.

Kim Huff-Caplan 9 months ago

All except Disney. Would but even remotely consider going there.

Shahgufta Ali Khan 9 months ago
Stephanie Hall 9 months ago

what about earaches/infections and blood draw (like lead test)?

we only ended up at the ER once for an ear infection – after 2 hours of waiting and 5 minutes with the doctor my husband learned to shut up and trust me to handle doctors visits and – in this case – not flip $&^+ about “wet-wear”

The visits to the Phlebotomists have gained a new level of patience, my youngest actually blew out peed on me during a blood draw and my oldest had to be held still by myself and two other adults just to get 4 ounces… and we have to do it again in february x.x’

OH And:
A road trip Badge (a trip longer than 4 hours and/or passing through a TSA security checkpoint with a minor without death or injury resulting)

A logistics master Badge (supplies packed for at least one parent and child and nothing is left behind or forgotten during the trip)

A Sleepover host Badge (more than 2 kids)

Michelle Williams 9 months ago

I once changed my daughter’s diaper while sitting on a toilet. Then I changed my tampon with her still on my lap. I felt like I earned my mom card that day.

SC Moore 9 months ago

I love this! I think the list should keep going.
First day of school
Dealing with the mean kid.
Little League sports
Stepping on Legos
Forgetting the tooth fairy $
Volunteering (you get to earn this one every year)
Teen hormones
Teen eye rolling
Teaching them to drive
First girlfriend /boyfriend

Adrienne Holliday 9 months ago

No Disney yet and haven’t managed the fisherman badge without gagging (5 kids and still, every time).

Brandy C. Koleta 9 months ago

I have a 4 (almost 5) year old and to this day, I have never nor will I EVER have anything to do with vomit. Can’t even do it. The very thought of “catching” it in my own hands makes me want to choose death. Just me. I have earned almost all the others, more than once, and some not listed, as well. But I will not be earning the what is it? Resourceful badge? Nope!

Shawn Elizabeth Dancy 9 months ago

All of my badges earned!!

Beth Rosenbaum 9 months ago

I’ve earned all of these plus some that weren’t listed, lol.

Michele Plach-Smith 9 months ago

All but Disney!

Celeste Casey Lane 9 months ago

Yep.

Amy Wolff Oakes 9 months ago

Ssssss – I did today!! Screaming in line at Target today for NO reason!! But I was laughing

Erin Joslyn Palmer 9 months ago

5/8

Violet Sawyer 9 months ago

The booger badge: cleaning out your kids’ nose without a thought. My pinky nail worked best with this one.

Jennie Cardenas Canas 9 months ago

Sister you deserve all these badges lol lol Jessica Astudillo

Jennifer Jones Rombardo 9 months ago

Hilarious! I have earned just about all of these.

Anna Rodriguez 9 months ago

Sure have! Every one. Vomit in the hands more than once to prevent from cleaning it out of the carpet!!

Shoshanna Atkinson 9 months ago

I’m a single mom and I have those badges

Kimberly Evans Paul 9 months ago

Earned each and every one…except I did change mine and the boys clothes after the pee incident. That should be a given!

Michelle Royer Kleist 9 months ago

Yes, but these are just the baby and toddler badges. I have a lot of “teenager” badges to earn yet…..

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 9 months ago

I’m kinda upset I’m missing 2 badges ( caught vomit & fishing poop) but very glad at the same time lol

Ashley Geisen 9 months ago

Every badge more then once….

Amber-lynn Vigini 9 months ago

Ill be hopefully getting the Disney one this Xmas :s

Liz VanGalder Steimer 9 months ago

Wow. I have all of these!

Jennifer Abdel-Moneim 9 months ago

I jut told my husband this morning that I earned a Mommy Badge for sucking it up (pun intended) and using the Nose Frida. There should be a badge for having the courage to try that!

Adrienne Evans 9 months ago

Every damn one of them.

Liz Dap 9 months ago

I have earned all except the Disney badge. Not quite ready for that yet.

Julie Combs 9 months ago

yep!

Trisha Halberstadt 9 months ago

Check! To them all…unfortunately. (Minus Disney, because we haven’t gone)

Beth Steffen 9 months ago

Disney and volunteering. My kids aren’t old enough yet. Lol

Melissa Munkers 9 months ago

I have 5 year old twins and an 18 month old and honestly I think I have only earned 2 of these. Who gets peed on and doesn’t change their clothes?!

Beth Comero 9 months ago

All but Disney! !

Samantha Wohlfarth 9 months ago

All but the Disney badge

Michelle Stiller 9 months ago

Currently working on the survival badge. Ahh motherhood lol

Amy Robertson DiBonaventura 9 months ago

I’m fully badged! Lol

Natalie Vella Mercer 9 months ago

Lol there are many other badges

Stephanie MeanoMom Lannoo 9 months ago

Is there a cleaned finger painted poo (from a diaper) off the wall

Heather Nolen Kelly 9 months ago

All but Disney…I’ve caught puke a LOT.

Jessica TheGoddess Serrano 9 months ago

Yup. And then some. Can we add the bleeding head at the ER badge as well lol

Anna Bannana 9 months ago

ha ha got the all.;)

Anna Rodriguez 9 months ago

More than I’d care to admit..

Shantelle 10 months ago

I can’t do the fishing poo out of the tub … I gag and/or vomit … same with the vomit. Once when my son was 3 he was not feeling so great, he gave me a hug and barfed all over me. My husband had to take him from me do I could puke all over the place too. Man, I got lucky with my husband. He does all the dirty work.

Steffany 10 months ago

PLEASE, someone make this into a shirt!

A 1 year ago

What about if your toddler poops in the shower while she is showering with you, and you don’t notice it until it has slid over next to your foot? Is there a badge for that?

Rachel Rotmil Sandman 1 year ago

I have them all.

Lb Frace 1 year ago

Wonderful!

Shannon Chesney Lindau 1 year ago

I have more fisherman badges than I care to think about. What about the “caring for the family while you’re sick as a dog” badge.

Noël Ross 1 year ago

The puke one is amazing.

Kristin Unrein Maiorano 1 year ago

Each and everyone. There needs to be one about pulling over on the side of the thruway so one or more of you kids can use the little travel potty to poop while trucks fly past you because they just cannot wait the 10 minutes to pull off an exit.

DavidandLaura Seger 1 year ago

Wow! I have all of them except one.

Anne Kennedy 1 year ago

All of them! There should be a ‘reflux’ badge too, feeding your baby in a public place and knowing to hold him at an angle where the projectile vomit can’t spray anyone! Sure plenty of people have experienced that too!

Vicki Kneller 1 year ago

All of them =)

Jessicah Jiménez 1 year ago

I can so relate raising 3 children! Disney has never been on my agenda can regards to bringing my children. Better places like the beach, which is always a hit run:)

Stephanie Chaney 1 year ago

Alll of them!

Linda Bergman 1 year ago

Yup, gott them all. These badges are the basic line though right, there’s just so much more we moms have to do without flinching. And single moms should have their very own badge line

Mary E. Williams 1 year ago

What about fly solo with your child? Drive cross country with two children under the age of three by yourself with the MIL. Agreeing to getting a puppy. This list is a walk in a park and makes me realize that I need an awesome present for my upcoming wedding anniversary.

Jenny Zacharias-Phelps 1 year ago

All except the Disney Badge…after earning all the others you should be smart enough NOT to do Disneyland!

Sara Smith 1 year ago

7. Only because we haven’t been to Disney. But I do get the Legoland equivalent.

Anne Sausser 1 year ago

Fisherman, all day long!

Erica Schuler 1 year ago

7 out of 8, my kids are still to young for disney, and honestly I’m terrified of trying to take all three of them at the same time..

Jodi Gonzales 1 year ago

All but the Disney badge…. never been…. but if it was just an amusement park badge I’d have them all… after raising 4 boys and a girl (18-2) how could I not!

Michelle Bechky Lynch 1 year ago

Every last one. How could I not, I have five kids!

Helen Russo 1 year ago

do I get the Volunteer badge for dealing with snotty g’parents of other children at a school function? then I’ve got em all!

Amanda Hickman 1 year ago

I most definitely have all of those & probably more that could have never been thought of by a non parent or maybe even a parent of 2 lol ( and by no means am I saying a parent of 1 or 2 is less experienced than a mother of more ♡)

Laura Bruij Williams 1 year ago

Ah but one very important motherhood badge was left out: Picking lice out of a child’s hair. Stephanie.

Danielle Dykas 1 year ago

All of them…. but the vomit badge mostly because my son had croup so much he would cough and puke, always. Awesome.

Andrea Meyer 1 year ago

I have earned each and every one of those. Plus I can think of a few more.

Maria Norman Outen 1 year ago

Haha… I think I’ve done all except Disney.. Lol especially the bathroom one

Cristina Ioana Taflan-Corniciuc 1 year ago

Managed to get 7 out of 8…cuz we haven’t been brave enough to do Disney parks or others like that yet :))) ha ha finally some recognition :))))

Sheri Konieczny 1 year ago

my fiance has these badges too.

Cassandra Heaps 1 year ago

Wow I got all 8 too! I think there should be an extra volunteer badge for those of us who work but volunteer every week in their child’s class because they want to!

Ana Mala 1 year ago

Disney badge is not about the trip to Disneyland lol I’m sure most moms here enjoyed some park fun with little ones :) oh and I got them all but the one with the tub and poop. Had to get my husband for that one lol

Heaven Jones 1 year ago

All but Disney . lol who would of thought motherhood was such a nasty job!

Callie Ann 1 year ago

All but the Disney park one lol

Tiffany Murphy 1 year ago

Lol! With 4 kids under 8 I have earned all of these

Laura Wilson Antonelli 1 year ago

8 (only because I improvise…..haven’t been to Disney, but have been to other amusement parks).

Shannon Plunk 1 year ago

All but Disney. Though we have been to several other amusement parks 😉

Jamie Easton 1 year ago

All but the Fisherman’s Badge & the Disney Badge

Angela McInnes 1 year ago

ALL! My favorite is the last one. My bathroom is my hiding place. :)

Lindsey D’Lugos 1 year ago

Yep, I’ve earned them all!

Jenn Sullivan 1 year ago

All but the vomit, thankfully.

Julie Buxton 1 year ago

I’ve earned them all :)

Monique Serna 1 year ago

All but Disney! Those are awesome!

Candi Strebe 1 year ago

All of the above

Medrith 1 year ago

What badge do you get for suffering through the flu with two-thirds of the rest of the family??

Valerie Ann 1 year ago

I’ve got a few and my lil one is only one…but some
I have because I’m a preschool teacher not a mom lol

Vicci B. Chuc 1 year ago

left baby at home with completely inexperience father, I was nine months pregnant and was on the way to the hospital after stopping at McDonalds to pick up some food for my injured teenage son, who in fact was no longer at the hospital but at his fathers, didn’t skip a beat, got my son brought him home and delivered a baby girl just a few days later. whoosh! Oh, here’s another one, new born baby boy (five days old), teenage son is injured at school, I beat that damn ambulance to the hospital with enough food and stuff for the new born to last the night if needed, plus found my neighbor so I could get my son’s glasses before we went to the hospital! I deserve those merit badges baby, well except the Disney one, I am pretty sure someone would die if I went! LOL

Jennifer Clark Jones 1 year ago

All but the Disney badge lol.

Kendra Olan Montiel 1 year ago

7/8 haven’t been to Disney…yet.

Angela Dempsey 1 year ago

All but Disney

Donna Fellows 1 year ago

Lol! I got them all too and a Life Time Member badge!

Jenn Blue 1 year ago

I would have all of them!!!!

Maria Tripp 1 year ago

I have all of them.

Heather Taeger 1 year ago

5/8, but only cause the little one isn’t old enough for disney/school trips 😛

Heather Lisk 1 year ago

All but the Disney badge.

Kaitlin Street 1 year ago

Got all 8, yay!!! Oh and those of us celebrating that all 8 have happened, should make that badge number 9, lol;)

Breah Gardiner 1 year ago

6/8. The volunteering and the Disney trip i am not brave enough for yet lol.

Meghan Kopp 1 year ago

All.. except the disney one.

Mary 1 year ago

Save yourself, Mama. Go on ebay and buy a bunch of the pins. Your kids will have a blast trading them with people in the park, and you’ll save a small fortune by not having to buy them in the gift stores and kiosks. Good luck!

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 1 year ago

7/8 lucky enough on the floating poop…. So far

Beth Sanders 1 year ago

Ditto. Proud wearer of all right here! :)

Amy Felix 1 year ago

YAY!! I get them all :)

Animal 3 years ago

It is in point of fact a nice and useful piece of information. I’m happy that you shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

Danielle 3 years ago

Proud to have earned them all!

Annapurna trekking 3 years ago

I completely understand when u use the words ‘thankless job’ to describe motherhood. All of us take the efforts of our mother for granted, don’t we?

Sarah Pearce 3 years ago

I want to collect these motherhood merit badges. In fact, I have collected some of these already and looking forward to get some more.

Karina 3 years ago

Please keep adding more badges! These are great!

Autherine 3 years ago

Is there a badge for pulling 6 inches of poop out of a constipated, screaming baby’s butt? If so, I would love a few of those :-).

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 3 years ago

I pinned my fav badge & would definitely put one on my blog, right below my Scary Mommy Nation badge.

myevil3yearold 3 years ago

I would get all of those except Disney and that is coming with our upcoming vacation. Pray for me.

Mexmom 3 years ago

I totally didn’t win the resourceful one, since once my kid stated getting sick in the car and I jumped out to the front seat and got out because I was about to throw up as well.

Regina 3 years ago

I want these and I will not display them on a sash, but on my bath robe that I seem to run to for comfort on those days where I don’t want to get up…oh wait, that is more frequent that I care to admit, but they keep jumping on my bed while I try to sleep.

Nicole Martel 3 years ago

These are great, I love the getting peed on and not flinching :) or fishing out poop from the bathtub, heck I think I’ve done them all!

Johanna 3 years ago

Holy moly, I have all of those except for the Fisherman and Filth badge.

George H. Anderson 3 years ago

I love the one about fishing poop out of the bath.

Hugh J.Dupre 3 years ago

I think the Resourceful and Fisherman badges are my favourite (in theory) but will be my least favourite in real life!

Angela 3 years ago

I am rockin’ my bathroom badge – sometimes, the only safe place for my family is when I’m behind a locked door;-)

Sarah P. / Julia’s Child 3 years ago

Awesome! Is there a badge for whipping up a family meal without visiting a grocery store in 6 days?

Dr fomsky 3 years ago

This is so funny. I think I’ve earned almost all the badges especially the Survival badge! When my second daughter was 3 months, I found out I was pregnant! I haven’t slept more than 3 hours straight since December 2011!!

Carolyn 3 years ago

Loved these.
Will be trying to earn the Disney one next year..
Might I suggest a Fake It Badge?
Fake it (coming/still here) so you don’t have to do it…

mom taxi julie 3 years ago

These are awesome!

The Flying Chalupa 3 years ago

I’m getting ready to earn my Disney Badge, and I’m scared Jill. I’M SCARED. That being said, I end each day with urine and feces on me so how bad can it be?

kathykate 3 years ago

And then there’s the teenage badges: teaching tampons, keeping your clothes on on Twitter, broken hearts for beginners, No Booze in My Basement, bikini wax what? …. that’s enough. Don’t mean to scare ya!

Julie 3 years ago

What a great idea… I want one too! :)

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

I need all but 1. No Disney yet. But I’m sure it won’t be long before I get that one too!

Mom Off Meth 3 years ago

I am so ready to sell my badges in a garage sale.

Nellie 3 years ago

I have earned every bade except the volunteer badge, mine are enough…thank you.

My disney badge will be earned next week. It will be a badge I wear with honor.

Michelle Watson 3 years ago

I have collected some of these badges and I am looking forward to get some of the badges.

Jamie Bishop 3 years ago

I’ve missed reading your blog (life goes by too fast!). It’s good to be back!

Jamie Bishop 3 years ago

I love all the badges and should own all of them! I have definitely had ALL of those things happen to me, with the exception of Disney. Four kids does not a trip to Disney make (yet). But once we have money (so after the kids are grown…maybe…)…then maybe I’ll earn that one.

Jen 3 years ago

Sewing them on my denim jacket right now!

Marta 3 years ago

I am a very proud holder of the bathroom badge.

Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac 3 years ago

Oh these are perfect! This summer I’m hoping to earn my 16-hour Family Road Trip badge…or at least survive to tell about it.

Shannon 3 years ago

Love these! Especially the Bathroom Badge. When I get an unexpected work call I run up to my bathroom and lock the door and try to talk loud enough to drown out the sound of my kids knocking!

Cassie 3 years ago

What about the “thick skin” badge? This would be for the many times we have had to deal with an unruly child in a public place without getting flustered or embarrassed. I want one of those!

Amanda 3 years ago

I think I earned all of those except the Disney badge with my twins! Haha! I’ll be getting that Disney badge next summer. :)

Guerrilla Mom 3 years ago

You forgot the “Not resenting my child for ruining my boobs” badge.

I love these. You’re on to something. You should get these manufactured.

thefreelancelef 3 years ago

I have earned most of these, although I am pleased to say I’ve haven’t got the Fisherman Badge and to be honest I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I never do!

Matthew L. Bowden 3 years ago

Awesome! I’ve earned them all as well. Thanks for sharing.

Kim at notmymomsblog 3 years ago

Anyone with boys has probably earned
THE LEGO BADGE:
While responding to, “Hey, Mom, come look at this!” stepped on 1000th LEGO brick and didn’t even flinch.

The Mommy Psychologist 3 years ago

I’m pretty sure I can say- all of the above.

Sweety Darlin 3 years ago

I think we need a driving badge. You know the one we get by driving forward at 70 MPH while looking in the back seat for the sippy cup that was thrown down. All while staying in our lane and talking on the phone.

Nina 3 years ago

Jill!!! These are awesome! Now going to find the Revolution clip Jenni told me about.

Lauren 3 years ago

This is just a suggestion, but you could create a Zazzle store to sell these since there is obviously such interest (I want them, too) and use the proceeds for Scary Mommy Nation.

Mrs. Yoy 3 years ago

Oh, The Filth Badge. I have an ongoing contest with my neighbor to see who goes the longest without a shower. It’s not like I want this to happen, it just does. Thank god for ponytails.

D 3 years ago

I’ve earned all of these and then some..

How about record setting eating? Or resourceful eating? How about surviving a play date or glitter and play doh?

DarleneMAM 3 years ago

I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I WANT that badge. I EARNED that badge. Good luck, Tracy!

Jessica McFadden – A Parent in America 3 years ago

THE VOLUNTEER BADGE!!! Oh my gosh, that one is the worst! I am being a reverse Mom Scout and trying to make it through this summer with*out* earning that one too often.

Because often when a fellow mother talks about wanting more of a “community”, she really means more “free babysitting from a sucker like me.”

Amy 3 years ago

Tantrum badge, Chef badge for those days that we pull a meal ut of the food we have left in fridge when we forget to get something the kids will eat besides nuggets and mac n cheese.

Donna 3 years ago

Well, looks like I’ve earned every one of these. Wonder if I can find a vest big enough to hold them all. Here are some more badge ideas….
Car Stereo badge: Able to listen to dueling conversations from the back seat of the car & answer both appropriately while navigating traffic.
Martha Stewart Baking Badge: Baked, decorated & delivered to classroom or bake sale on time a confection that looks good & tastes good & doesn’t make anyone ill, all after only 2 hours of sleep.
Mother Theresa badge: Massaged the knots out of family’s backs, necks, shoulders while cheerfully ignoring own pain & discomfort knowing a glass of wine & the massage recliner were scheduled for later.

Holly 3 years ago

Got em all honey and I only have 1 under 2.
How about:
The secret agent badge: Earned by sneaking around a sleeping baby for over an hour
The multitasker badge: Earned by putting a sleeping baby to bed at the same time as a dolly, baba, and blankie ( bonus points if you have to climb stairs)
The superstrength badge: Earned by stepping on a hard plastic toy and not screaming

Holly 3 years ago

I’m pretty sure I gagged when scooping poop out of the bathtub…

Katy McCaffrey 3 years ago

The Digestion Badge: somehow fought off puking when projectile poop landed in mouth.

Kathryn 3 years ago

OK, hands down (hands up?) the resourceful badge the best! – and just wait until they get older! It gets better. Well, more entertaining. There’s the ‘answering the question about the acrobatic thing those people are doing on HBO’ badge…..

Christine 3 years ago

I don’t even have kids of my own yet and I’ve already earned the Fisherman badge, Volunteer badge, and resourceful badge. Gotta love being an Aunt. And now that I’m expecting i get to do it all over again in 7 short months.

Alison@Mama Wants This 3 years ago

I’ve earned 80% of these badges and I’ve only been doing this gig for 2 1/2 years!

harley 3 years ago

the only one i don’t have is the Disney badge. i’m not sure i’m brave enough lol.

Gigi 3 years ago

I’ve earned ’em all – except for the last one. That one I will replace with the Taught Him How To Drive and I Survived badge and I Made It Through High School Again (since I seemed to have had to go through it all over again with him). Soon to be followed by the I Can’t Believe I Just Sent Him Off to College badge.

Shirley@motivatedmommyoftwo 3 years ago

I love all of these badges I must admit I have not earned all of those yet, but pretty sure the time is coming :)

Nicole Martel 3 years ago

Hey Jill. I couldn’t find a link to your email but wanted to say, I was laughing out loud the other night reading your book. I love how you mentioned that you are a bit abusive with the camera. hehe… So am I my friend, so am I. :) My mom said “I hope he loves the camera because you’re gonna drive him crazy” a day after I had my son. LOL. I try not to over do it… I try, but it’s so hard!

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom 3 years ago

I love the blowout badge! It was over a monumental blowout that another mom and I became good friends forever.

Nan 3 years ago

BRILLIANT! Where do you come up with these things? You definitely need to open an online store.

Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} 3 years ago

There should also be an EATING BADGE – survived one meal without eating off a child’s plate, but still gained weight.

Suzanne McKay 3 years ago

If I find my Girl Guide sash, I will truly print these off, cut them out, and staple them on. I’ve earned every single one. Sometimes twice.

aimee @ smilingmama 3 years ago

Awesome! I definitely deserve these!!!

Jess 3 years ago

LOVE these!!

Loukia 3 years ago

These are AWESOME. I want to WEAR these! :) xo

realtormom 3 years ago

What about the oh f*** it badge for that day when you get to work at a non-desk job and discover a full child’s handprint made out of yogurt is on your butt and keep working anyway.

martha 3 years ago

I have earned them all.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 3 years ago

I’ve earned the right to sew all except the last one on my diaper bag.

Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad 3 years ago

Spot on! I could wear several or all in just one day!

TVMommy 3 years ago

I have earned seven out of the nine. LOL there should be more.

Jane 3 years ago

OMG, these are perfection! I need them!!!!

Kim 3 years ago

So, are you getting these printed or what? I need them for my diaper bag. Now!

Robin | Farewell, Stranger 3 years ago

What if I can’t fish poop out of the tub without gagging? Do I still get the badge? 😉

naomi 3 years ago

I’ve earned them all as well. Great post!

laurel remington 3 years ago

Hilarious! I love the one about fishing poop out of the bath. Very clever – you should make them into real badges or magnets.
twitter @LaurelRemington

Sili 3 years ago

Um, yes, so when are mine coming in the mail?! I’m serious! Someone needs to make buttons out of these and I will pin them on a sachet possibly made out of diapers but, we shall see.

Let me know when they’re ready and I’ll DM you my address. Thankyouverymuch!

oxoxox

Ms. Single Mama 3 years ago

I need an – I survived Single Motherhood and Found a Dreamy Single Dad badge. Hee hee. But yeah, completely relate to bonding with every mom just over being a mom. I have never understood moms who compete with each other.

Do you have code for these badges? They are worthy of posting on my blog and sharing with my readers.

Alaina (aka Ms. Single Mama).

Stephanie 3 years ago

Ha! Not only did I laugh out loud, I also read them aloud to my husband, who groaned sympathetically.

LDiggitty 3 years ago

These are HILARIOUS! And terrifying, actually, considering that I’m pregnant with my first… I think the Resourceful and Fisherman badges are my favorite (in theory) but will be my least favorite in real life!

Ann 3 years ago

So clever.

But for the love of God, let’s not celebrate with a camping trip.

alaina 3 years ago

And of course The Germ Badge for all of the snot, drool, sneezing, and coughing. Oh, joy.

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

I will earn my Disney badge this Fall. Lord help me.