The Scary Mommy Mother's Day Gift Guide

The Scary Mommy Mother’s Day Gift Guide

SweetDeePaperie / Etsy

It is less than two weeks out from Mother’s Day. You have barely even thought about it, even though it is right around the corner. Even though every year, like clockwork, you have a mild freak-out when you realize Mother’s Day is tomorrow, and you have not prepared. You drive to your local big box store where all they have left are wilted flowers and generic chocolates.

Nobody wants dead-ass flowers and cheap candy.

If you are someone’s father, son, or daughter, and you’ve come across this handy-dandy list of fantastic options for gifts to give your own mother, or a very important one in your life, just in time.

You’re welcome.

“Please Return to Mom” Mug

Etsy / PhotoCeramics

This mug says it all. You know her job is hard and demanding and constant. You are acknowledging the struggle to do even the smallest things for herself. Mom has a giggle, because if she doesn’t, she might cry when she remembers she hasn’t had a cup of fresh coffee in almost a decade. Please remember to give her plenty of time to drink her coffee in peace on Mother’s Day — while it’s hot.

Dead Sea Bath Salts 


What’s better than wrapping these in paper that’s just going to get tossed in the garbage? Dumping these salts directly into a hot bath you have drawn for her to soak in.

Bath Bombs Gift Set


And while you’re at it, throw one of these in too. Or present the box to Mom like a selection of teas at a fancy restaurant and let her choose which one she wants to try first. 


Phone Dock Valet / STAKCERAMICS

Cute? Check. Helps her stay organized? Check. Charges her phone? Check. What more could anyone want from a single piece of nightstand ornamentation?

Ninja Coffee Bar


This thing is amazing. You can brew by the pot or single serve. Plus, it has a built-in milk-frother that is incredibly easy to use and can make anyone look like an expert barista. You can make it as plain, or as fancy, as you’d like (or time allows).

Also, if you’re picking up on the caffeine vibes, don’t forget to snag the World’s Strongest Coffee. (And don’t be fooled by the name, it’s not actually a death wish, swear. It’s delicious.) Also available in K-cup form.

Grace and Flux 

Grace and Flux

If mom likes accessories, this is the place to go. Handcrafted, sturdy, beautiful pieces that will last. Not too flashy, and they go with everything.

Origins Day & Night Refresher Kit


This is a great spread of products to perk up your skin. All of these products work together to brighten, hydrate, clean, and refresh. With a night cream, charcoal mask, moisturizer, and eye cream, you’ve got Mom covered.

Dana’s Bakery Macaroons

Dana’s Bakery

The holy grail of Macs, and I’m not even close to kidding. They arrive fresh and ready for gifting. “The Adult Juice Box” is the perfect gift for mom: champagne, rosé, and peach Bellini.

“If You Can Read This” Socks 

Sweet Dee Paperie / Etsy

The gift that keeps on giving. The next time you see these socks, hightail yourself to the nearest corkscrew and get the woman some damn wine.

Clarisonic Mia 2


This brush system is the Cadillac of skincare. It uses micro-massage movements in the brush to cleanse and remove makeup in just 60 seconds. You cannot go wrong with this gift because it is most likely already on her wish list.

Godiva Chocolates


If mom loves chocolates, you need to spring for the good stuff. This assorted box has it all, and Amazon will have it at your door in plenty of time. Just don’t forget to pair it with her favorite wine.

Naked Winery Assortment


The name is risqué (that’s what they were going for after all), and the Oregon wine assortment is fabulous. (We can personally attest.) Mom will not be disappointed.

Row of Hearts Bar Necklace

Hello Lovely Jewelry / Etsy

A minimal and understated way for Mom to keep all of her children close to her heart. I love the simple design of this piece. As a mom who isn’t typically into jewelry, even I’ll be sending my husband a nudge with this one.

Benefit Easy Weekender Makeup Kit


For the mom who likes to wear a little makeup but wants to keep it low maintenance. This kit comes in an adorable case stocked with mini versions of versatile makeup products. With a blush, brow tint, highlighter, and mascara, getting ready is quick and fool-proof.

Salted Words Wall Decor

Salted Words Company / Etsy

This item will not arrive on time for the big day, but an IOU in a sweet card will be okay for something this special. Trust me. The “little houses” quote on a beautiful, custom wood frame is a surefire way to win over sentimental moms everywhere (us included).

“Tired as a Mother” T-Shirt



“Caffeinated as a Mother” T-Shirt

Punkaloo / Etsy

When you see Mom wearing either one of these, take the hint. Bring her some coffee (and let her drink it hot).

Don’t forget, and definitely do not wait until “last call” when the national drugstore chain is your last option. Moms spend the year planning appointments, grocery lists, birthday parties, school fundraisers, holidays, meals, and every other thing it takes to keep your family running smoothly. Show her you notice and care and thought of her long before you had to splurge on overnight shipping.

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