What Fresh Hell Is This, Oreo?

Who comes up with the Oreo flavors, and are they okay?

You know what would be really good together? Oreos and Swedish Fish.

Said no one, ever.

In what can only be seen as a cry for help, whoever is tasked with coming up with new flavors for Oreos has sent us a sign we surely cannot ignore: Swedish Fish Oreos. The food blog The Impulsive Buy actually got their hands on a pack, and describe the filling as “sticky, chewy” and even “slimy.” Yum!

“We know that consumers enjoy variety when it comes to snacking so we create all of our limited-edition flavors to provide surprising new twists people know and love and on occasion, create unexpected and unique flavor combinations that people may never have thought were possible,” a spokesman told Business Insider.

Who makes these decisions, and why do they hate taste buds? Let’s revisit some of the other interesting decisions they’ve made in the past few years. Food.com compiled a list of Oreo flavors that will totally make you back up my theory that someone at Nabisco needs help, an intervention, or both.

Watermelon “flavor creme.” Should’ve thrown some seeds in the mix. That’s the only thing that could make this idea worse.

Who hurt you?

Executive board meeting, Nabisco:

Exec #1: What is the name of that Halloween candy everyone hates?

Exec #2: Candy Corn?

Exec #1: Yup! We’re done. I told you we’d make happy hour.

Let’s take an ice cream flavor no one’s ever heard of and morph it into a cookie no one will eat!

And a few more clear signs that there is something amiss at Oreo headquarters:

There should only be one Oreo: Double Stuff. The end.

Double Stuff Oreos should be regular, regular Oreos should be “diet,” Oreo Thins should disappear into oblivion, and whoever is thinking of these flavors should take the vacation they so desperately need.

Stop messing with perfection.