This new emoji is taking the internet by storm, and it’s hilarious
Anytime a new batch of emojis make their way into our iPhone keyboards, it’s like a small gift from the universe designed to spice up our text messages and help us properly relay our points. The latest batch of emojis, slated to hit our phones sometime this year, contains a gift from the Emoji Gods.
The “pinching hands” emoji will soon find its way to every group chat and girlfriend text thread in existence. Because, let’s be honest, absolutely no one is using this emoji to convey a pinch.
Because it’s totally a “small dick” emoji. Right? Right. Or, at the very least, a small…something. And it’s perfect, really. Because somehow the eggplant emoji was hijacked to represent dicks of all lengths and abilities, this one helps narrow things down (pun 100% intended).
When Emojipedia announced the addition of “pinching hands,” the entire internet saw one thing and one thing only.
FINALLY a small dick emoji https://t.co/TTvzP609Xv
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) February 5, 2019
Ladies are gonna abuse this emoji, if y'all know what I'm talking about. https://t.co/48SZS2dXlI
— [L]e[S]e[D]i (@_Hybreed_) February 5, 2019
Oh don’t worry, this emoji speaks to all genders. Not just the ladies. It’s universal.
tinder DMs about to get amazing https://t.co/Fp3rhqfmm7
— bletchley punk (@alicegoldfuss) February 5, 2019
It's over for us men
Any argument with a woman they just reply with this and we've lost https://t.co/uY8YBqtNQg
— Afro Smash (@TheAfroSmash) February 5, 2019
Thank you, sir, for recognizing the truth.
Girl: how big is it?
— Marko (@marktheshark902) February 6, 2019
Although, bless them, some people are seeing this emoji in a much more innocent light.
— Mathew Ingram (@mathewi) February 6, 2019
this the 'lemme get a lil bit of whatever you eating that' emoji https://t.co/HAqb54QTbC
— Tracy the Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) February 5, 2019
sound guy- hey
— う゜ヂ (@SOTSPodcast) February 6, 2019
But mostly everyone recognizes that this emoji serves one main purpose.
girl group chats about to get 50% more savage https://t.co/UPp7QTgtXI
— dom luszczyszyn (@domluszczyszyn) February 5, 2019
girls and gays… how many feelings are we bout to hurt https://t.co/qR3xUhoCvI
— s (@bootlegmuslim) February 5, 2019
Fear not, non-eggplant havers, your time in the sun has finally arrived. And if you’re a dick in real life, this is exactly how you and your member shall be represented in every text message where you are the subject.
If you’re curious, here’s the full list of (more PG and inclusive) emojis that will be added to our repertoire this year. It includes a person in multiple types of wheelchairs, a person who is blind, an ear with a hearing aid, interracial couples, service dogs, a sloth, an oragutan, a skunk (also great for group chats, but that’s just my opinion), a juice box (holler to all the moms), an oyster, and more.
— Emojipedia 📙 (@Emojipedia) February 5, 2019
Back in 2017, emojis representing pregnancy and breastfeeding were added. And if you’re a mom, you know how much more convenient it is to just send an emoji showing why you’re too busy to chat rather than an entire text message about it. Crying babies don’t care about your communication needs.
Even the founder of Emojipedia, Jeremy Burge, acknowledges the obvious, alternative visual representation of “pinching hands,” because how could you not?
“In context, having an emoji … to refer to a small amount of something seems like it might be helpful,” he tellsBuzzFeed News. “But I can definitely see how the gesture out of context does seem to imply a man’s small package.”
Beyond the small penis references, you could use this emoji for so many answers to things: “How much does your husband help around the house?” or “How long does your little one let you sleep at night?” or “How much are you spending on your in-laws for Christmas this year?”
Here’s hoping the new emojis come soon, because this one is the gift that truly keeps giving.