The 7 Stupidest Questions I’ve Heard About My Baby

So true! We also had our baby in early May and are living this every day. Thank you so much for the humor as I sit up again, another sleepless night of feeding and changing!

#5 made me laugh. That what my husband said too. Your first year you may be tired but anything looks like a bed. The floor, chair, table ground, tolet. Get the chance to get some sleep when baby sleeps.

Bahahaha!

My sister in law came over to visit, saw my newborn twins napping (at the same time!) and asked, “Can I wake them up?”

I know they don’t mean it literally, but it is still a sucky question. I heard it with my first 2 and will probably hear it with #3 (coming soon). I’d rather have the question “easy or challenging/difficult” because there is an implication that bad=crying. That’s not bad. It’s just being a baby. Period.

I don’t think the one about helping your wife is stupid. My husband did not ever get up at night to help with the baby. NOT EVEN ONCE!! And, I also had a c-section. And while I had a pretty painless experience, an offer of a nap or a chance to go out by myself for a break would have been wonderful. So kudos to you for being a great helper, they aren’t all like that!!

#4-Don’t be shocked about that one. I had no help from my ex (together at that time) and I had a c-section. But all those others questions yes to all of them! Even from other parents.

I cried laughing….thank you! We have a beautiful, sweet three month old girl.

I once had a someone ask me if I liked my job more than my kid and when I said I i liked my kid more. He was genuinely confused that I would chose my child over a job.

I also do the sarcastic answers when people ask me where my baby’s at. The actual answer is always either “At daycare” or “With his Daddy” but I like to answer “I left him in the car” or “At the bar doing shots” or “I dropped him off at the movie theater” I just hate this question because I feel like it presupposes that I need to have the baby attached to me at all times.

Ah! Drives me nuts. My MiL has remarked several times about how nice of my husband it is that he’s keeping the baby on his days off. Um, of course he is. He helped make the kid. Are you surprised I am keeping the baby on my days off?!

….not to mention some of the stupid tings people ask when your children were adopted.

I was going to comment this same thing…”No..she’s a bad baby” Idiot!!!

Actually, I will think far less of someone who takes their whimpering puppy and locks it in another room. But that’s just me

I thought I was the only one that’s thought about taping the pacifier to his face

My absolute favorite was a lady in the mall telling my husband and me that our daughter so pretty…for a little white baby. I said thank you! We like her. And then about peed myself from laughing when she walked away.

My kids ask me who will babysit them when i (very rarely) go out without them… i am like… “Errrr…Dad. And he isn’t baby sitting you… He is being a Dad!” FTR he is a great Dad too.

I love it!! We called our youngest “gizmo” because she looked like a gremlin when she was a newborn.

I just had twins four months ago. I can’t tell you how many times people have said to me “My kids are 12 months apart so it’s like having twins.” No. No it’s not. Not even close you ass.

Funny and true!!

My husband is deaf without his hearing aids so nothing wakes him at night. He stays up with our baby for a couple of hours so I can get a bit of sleep each night. It is definitely good to have a supportive husband. Makes all the difference in the world.

So sad… My hubby is deaf (has cochlear implants but deaf at night while they’re charging) and I usually did most of the care 24 hrs around the clock because he worked so much and had to commute but he’d get a little uptight that I wasn’t waking him up to help. It was good to know I had the support.

Lol… Which one of you does the baby look like???
Well truth be told I have blonde hair and blue eyes, hubby has salt/pepper hair and hazel eyes and the baby came out looking Hispanic with black hair, black eyes, and jaundiced skin…. You tell me!

Now she’s 2-1/2 and looks a lot like me but seriously at less than 24 hrs old this question made no sense and had I not seen her be pulled out if me via c-section I never would’ve believed she were mine.

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago with my 7mo!
“A girl?”
“No, a boy”
“Looks like a girl”
“He’s a boy”
“But he looks like a girl”
“Well he’s definitely a boy”

Etc

#7 doesnt bother me at all. The rest I do agree with.

“Where did the name come from?” Or “is it a family name?” This seems like it could be a normal question but it’s usually the WAY it’s said that gets under my skin. My son’s name is Emmet, it’s not a common name but it’s not over the top or unusual either! It’s a name we like and it suits him, end of story.

I had a woman (a mother) ask me if my 6 week old daughter was a boy because she had short hair…

I died at #2!

Tragically the brain dead questions become the Bain of every parent’s life… Think before you ask! Asking questions because you are clueless is just a sign of ignorance! The one I heard the most as a single mom? Was the baby planned?

I know you’re thinking about me right now haha…..

My favourite stupid question is, “Is he/she a good baby?”
I mean what are you going to say? “No – The kid doesn’t listen, never cleans up after itself, and is a smart ass as well!”
Idiots!! Lol

YES

I had one that was screamed 12 hours a day for the first 6 months. He was diabolically evil. Yes.

If a baby is easier, it clearly didn’t have colic.

Rude for a stranger to ask, maybe. Not for a friend. As a mom, I made sure my male best friend was helping his wife out, not because I didn’t think he cared but because I know that new moms often don’t ask for the help they really need because they feel like they should be doing it all.

Not rude in the least

#4 is a perfectly fine question. There are plenty of men that don’t help.

So…the baby looks like Estelle Ghetty after a bar fight?

Lmao shriveled up papa smurf sounds better than the Quaker oats man!

Yeah but it still seems like a rude question to ask someone outright….

I would’ve felt no shame in telling every one of those twat waffles to fuck off. But then again, I have no filter and am kinda rude

That’s now my favorite response. Oddly I get similar questions except I have red hair and he’s SUPER blonde so I get “where’s that color from?” Literally, it’s from everyone else in the family BUT me

Haha my fav “I don’t understand why she cries. Sometimes, I cry.”.

I have been guilty of asking that question and am of the older generation. We don’t mean good versus evil. Just away of asking if you are getting any sleep. I will not use it again.

We’ve also had several people ask if out boy’s names are “the good one or bad one” from the bible….uh, bad for sure, we prefer evil names for our children. Sigh. I know people are mostly curious….but it also makes me wonder how many stupid things I’ve said to other parents without realizing.

I love the newborn phase too….and the toddler age! They are my favorite ages.

Yes! Yesss! Yessssss! This is hilarious and yet so true. Love it!

Yes Lisa, at least with a baby you know where it is going to poo – with a puppy it’s like Russian roulette!

Sounds like an unhappy overwhelmed mother who is not happy to be a mom.

Call me crazy, but I’m actually enjoying the newborn phase.

*throes* of hell 😉 But apart from that, probably fairly accurate

Are they a good baby… no evil. Seriously people!

I think people are just trying to be nice and ask how things are going. I know ive asked some of these questions before and had good intentions. I loved talking about my baby.

The silliest question for me…I’m a blonde, my two youngest children are dark haired. When my son (with dark hair) was an infant, I went out shopping for baby clothes. This woman came up and told me how adorable he was and then had the nerve to tell me how considerate I was in watching after the baby while his mom was resting…she assumed I wasn’t the mother.

The one I still occasionally get when I’m out with friends: “is [insert husbands name] babysitting? Er no, he’s their father, we all live very happily together in one house, and if we had a babysitter, he’d be out too!

lol yes!

Lol my daughter looks like we adopted her….

The puppy one. Oh god.

#1 is so true

And the one I got when she was 3 months…”what are her likes?” from a talent agent. Sucking on things. That’s what she likes.

Then why do you comment??

She is so sweet!!

My faves: “are they twins” in regards to my identically sized, identically looking baby boys.” Or “why is he crying?!” Three guesses-hungry, sleepy or otherwise uncomfortable. And my all time favorite (our twins are 5 months): “how do you make sure you and dh bond with both of them?” Well….I prefer to sit Dh’s “baby” in the corner and ignore him if dh isn’t there to tend to him and dh does the same with “my” baby….we don’t BOTH take care of our babies when they have needs, we each can only take care of “our” assigned baby…..sigh really?! I’m not often speechless, but that last one caught me off guard.

These stupid questions are annoying, but yet, they ask! Just like walking my newborn Son, decades ago, an older woman stopped & said, (my Son dressed in blue ), tells me how cute my Daughter is!! I looked at her strangely, & told her that my child was a Boy….She looked at at me & seriously asked me…”Are you sure”?? I asked her if she wanted me to undo his diaper to check!!!!! Beyond a rediculous question!!!!

Heh. My mother-in-law used to say that my Biscuit looked like Alfred Hitchcock.

1,3, and 5 so funny and true.

This is spot on! I love #6!!

I agree this was a funny read and held a lot of truths. I have to admit that I getting tired of all the sarcastic “don t talk to me this way” or “smarten up and be more sensitive to all of my pressures but by the way know exactly when to try and show sympathy and precisely which to e will or will not offend me on my grumpy stressed out state” posts I see. We are all hopefully trying to be understanding of each other, if someone makes the effort ( even if it is misplaced) why write a blog criticizing them? I think that’s just as rude – or even a little more- than the initial misplaced comment.

I thought my daughter looked like my twin sister when she was born … Still does (my sister passed away from SIDS at 28 days old) both my fiancé and I have dark hair and dark eyes. My daughter is blonde with blue eyes like my sister was.

I have been asked if her hair is naturally blonde and curly.

When my daughter was just a month or so old, a well meaning friend asked me if I was “managing to fill my days.” So funny.

I HATE the “who does your baby look like?” question. It looks like a baby!!

I actually responded to a lady who asked that with “well he’s a baby who does baby things…… I don’t understand your question. He wasn’t born mute if that’s what you’re asking…..”

Haha! ❤️ it! I think my fave was when my extremely blonde and nearly bald till her 2nd birthday little girl would be dressed in all pink, with a bow on a headband on top of her head to avoid any confusion, and people would tell me how “handsome my boys were” WTH?! I’d calmly correct, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to call people out for their idiotic comments in a way that would be perceived as rude by others!!!

Nr 6 is my favorite 😛 it makes me laugh how some people think dogs/puppies are like newborns. But once they have a newborn…. they change their views on the subject 😉 and laugh

I get asked if it’s my daughter’s natural hair color ~ no, I dye my infant/now toddlers hair :/

This article made my day. Scratch that…life…it just made my life!

Mine looked like Winston Churchill.

Truth!

Someone compared having a puppy to my new baby the other week. I couldn’t believe it lol. Took everything in me to not reply with something snarky!

I had someone tell me “I hate to say it but she looks just like your husband”. I said “thank you although I am not sure why you’re sorry? I think he’s a pretty attractive guy; I mean, I did agree to have his children after all…”

Just awesome

Or looking at my twins , ask “are they identical? ” One is a boy, the other is a girl!

Lol! This is exactly how I felt most of the time! Raquel Seree

I can’t say that I’ve ever been bothered by #7. When I gave birth to my son it was almost as if his father was his only parent and I just happened to be holding him for ransom in my body. And you could definitely tell he was his father’s child. They were twins, with about 25 years between, instead of 25 minutes. People would always ask me who his father was and what he looked like because he looked nothing like me, and someone once asked me if I was even his mother. I’ve never been asked who I think he will look like in the future, only who he looked like at that moment. And until a certain age, the answer was always his father. Now he’s the spitting image of me. Thank the Lord!

“Right now, the baby looks like a shriveled up Papa Smurf with black eyes and wrinkly hands. In three months, she will look like a toothless Alfred Hitchcock. I have no idea who she will look like at this point.” – love it! With a baby, I can totally relate.

7. Is a stupid question to ask a mom whose kid looks like the dad. They are just jealous about it

Oh. Your relatives must not be as snide as mine. Most of them said this but I always get questions of “So you’re breastfeeding to help you lose weight?” Or “Better start working on that diet.” Or my favorite “Are you working out when the baby naps?” Apparently I’m fat.

Or people could just completely ignore you and your baby.

I don’t know. #4 seems valid. There are many women who get pretty much no help at all from their spouse once the baby comes. My first husband barely came to see us in the hospital, much less help once we got home.

My favorite was every time my son would cry-which wasn’t too often-someone would say, “oh my gosh, why is he crying?!?!” While looking at me like I had done something horrid. Seriously? Well, since babies can’t talk, that’s what they do-cry. Instead of me giving you a list of possibilities, how about you chill out and let me handle it. And no, I didn’t do anything wrong! Lol. Pregnant with my second right now and I dare someone to ask me that this time around.

To number 5, the rule in our house is that I don’t allow negotiation on the next baby until the current youngest is fully weaned and regularly sleeping acceptable hours not on my face.

#1 on this list is my favorite; note sarcasm here lol

Haha

To be fair, traditional families still exist where the father thinks his “only” responsibility is to make money. And you can’t always tell which family is like that because it’s more of a private thing now that most of the mainstream recognizes the fact that it takes two to tango and fathers should be more than paychecks

Haha love these!

Somebody asked if my boy/girl twins were identical…And yes they were aware of their sex before they asked

I hate ‘is he a good baby?’ of course he’s a good baby! All babies are good just some have more issues like colic or other things so cry cause its the only way they can communicate

#4 and #7…my favorites

Ugh @ #4 …… My husband act as if HE was the one that had the 9lb baby. So that question was valid in my house!!! Lol

How about “is your baby’s hair naturally curly?”

The one that got me was “you do know about birth control, right?” When I was pregnant with my third child at age 42. Followed by the obnoxious “oops!” She wasn’t an “oops!”. Of course her brother, who was conceived when she was five months old was unexpected, but I would never say he was an “oops!” either. And yes my husband got a vasectomy three weeks after our son was born.

I’ve asked #3 and #7 but only because I can’t think of anything else to talk about and your baby is right there and all the person wants to talk about.

Lol @7 which is funny but not necessarily true, I basically gave birth to myself with my first born, he was my clone and people even would laugh and say they couldn’t take him seriously when they’d look at him because he was me!

The moment my son was born, a nurse said, “wow! He looks like Daddy!” And she was right. Its was crazy how much he resembled my husband. To this day they are spitting images of each other. You can not tell their photos apart…

A dog/puppy is a freakin animal!!!
A baby, your baby is a miracle of love and genetics and is a HUMAN!!!
~~~~~
Mother of five.
Grandmother of three.

Just had our third girl. #5 is asked all the time along with how soon will you try for a boy. Mind your own people!!

These are CLASSIC. And hilarious! People ask the dumbest questions sometimes. My favorite is “are you sleeping when the baby sleeps?” Would you like to come over and do my laundry, clean my house, cook my meals and take my showers for me? Kthxbye.

When my son was a month old, my husband and I were out grocery shopping. I had our son with me and my husband was about half an isle ahead. A lady passed by my husband and when she got to where I was she looked at baby and said “wow, that man over there must be his Daddy!” He’s now 3.5 yrs old and although I do see bits and pieces of myself in him, he is his daddy’s “mini-me”

Very funny and true

Lmao

Some babies -true
But some are adorable within a few days

There is this woman at my husband’s job who constantly comparing our son to her dog. Annoys the hell out of both of us and I just want to smack her.

#7
I always wondered why people asked that & when I said, “I’m not really sure” people looked at me like “how do you not know?”
I guess because everyone (including me) was curious (see profile picture)
And guess what, her hair color changed, her eye color changed went from looking like my husband to now looking like me just a different color! LOL she is a true mix of both!

I’ve had a relative (on my husbands side), say that an ultrasound picture of my son looked just like his half sister. WTF.

My favorite was the lady at church (very old) who asked me if my 5 day old would always have such deformed ears. And suggested that if I stay up at night and rub them and pray over them, she might have a chance at normality. Friends, there was and is nothing wrong with her ears. I almost went to jail that day… at least in my mind…

So true

Hilarious. I love this.

Yes to all of this. Please never again tell me how your puppy is like my baby.

#1 Drives me crazy!

Oh yes, I go the “I just got a new puppy!” one with this last baby. (And plenty of the rest… ) Like waking up twice to let the puppy out in ANYWAY compares to being up 5 or 6 times a night and getting approximately 20 seconds of sleep.

This is an awesome list!

I hated this. My DH was a SAHD by default, did a great job and still does.

There was this one woman at the preschool who would ask him what he does for a living, EVERY TIME SHE SAW HIM. She just could not GROK that a man could do what she did everyday. He had to hold me back a couple of times, when I was going to go over and tell her to stop SEXUALLY HARASSING my husband.

I mean, really?? every single time……geez.

As someone without kids and who has probably done #6 a few times it’s all about trying to relate to a new parent. If you are talking to someone who has a new child and is talking about this whole new world you have no idea about you want to try and relate to it in some way. Particularly if it is a close friend whose life is changing dramatically you want to find a way to still be apart of it. Most people don’t ask these questions because they are stupid and are trying to piss you off. They truly don’t understand what it is like and are just trying to relate. Knowing that my parent friends may think this about me when I try and talk to them is pretty hurtful and will only act to further the divide that some people may feel in friendships when one is a parent and the other isn’t.

Thank you! lol I needed that, I wish someone would have said no. 4 to my husband but oh is well.

Ha! Sleep when the baby sleeps is great advice, except that my baby rarely sleeps for more than 20 mins at a time!

I love this article and the one where u reply like u wish u could to unsolicited advice. I have 2 boys, 8 and 3 1/2 and can totally relate to both articles, even though I’m the mom.

Thats soo sad! its like my FIL saying we’d love your baby either way but we’re glad we have someone to carry on the family name! never exspected that one considering my inlaws seem pretty pro gender equality

Actually if she had kids she might stop asking questions ..unless shes concerned with whats normal.hand her a child development book and have her read it.it might shut her up.

Next time they commente i’d say yes they’re real arnt you jealous ?;)

My son was born at 23 weeks and weighed 1 pound 6.6 ounces. I FINALLY got to bring him home from the NICU after 4 months. At that point he only weighed 5 pounds. He had to be on oxygen and when we ventured out; I would put the tank in the bottom of the stroller. One day, at the grocery store, a woman looked in at him and asked “Is he real?”. No,stranger, I am the crazy lady that not only pushes a DOLL around in a stroller — but then puts a nasal canula on it and an oxygen tank in the bottom for extra kicks! Seriously???? Stupidest question EVER!!!

When my son was born 30 years ago, he was a Down Syndrome Baby. Stupidest and most insensitive question, “Are you going to keep him?”

Disagree with #6. NOT EVERYONE TREAT THEIR “DOG” like their own child. You will never know until u have to…. On the topic of assuming and judging …… (One day my mother dog passed away after she gave birth to her puppies. Milk bottle feeding every 2 hrs temp controlled wait…. Oh and when they cry in the middle of the night because of hunger or they’re cold or pooped all over themselves. Oh and yea the blast diarrhea everywhere often at that stage…. No diapers….. U can’t just leave it. When a dog gets older u still have to take good care of them and are ultimately responsible for their behavior throughout their life span.) NOW TRY THAT WITH NEWBORN TWINS AND PULLING IT OFF.

First and foremost, your mom rocks. My in-laws still remind me (9 months + 14 months later) that my husband’s father refused to engage his children until they were potty trained. I always just reply “Well that’s not how things work in this house” and smile.

Really? Why didn’t you attack the multiple post about babies dressed all in pink? Cause, you know, boys can wear fucking pink too!

I have two more annoying questions to add.

Is he all most done? / How much longer do you think until he’s done nursing? (Mmmm I don’t even have a response for this one.)

Will he go to sleep after you’re done nursing? (How the hell am I suppressed to know. I’m not a magic eight ball.)

These questions just get to me.

These just don’t seem like stupid questions, if they’re from someone who doesn’t have kids. It certainly doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have kids. Maybe ease up a bit on the judgment?

How about, “How does the pain of your wife’s labor compare to what you’re suffering from that stick up your ass?”

Read all the comments….funny, funny, funny shit…I needed that laugh…thank you all!!

Hahaha, yep! I’ve written a post like this too… after we had our third daughter, the question we kept getting asked was, “Did you get your boy?” Or “Are they all girls?” Yes, they’re all girls and we love them all. Sigh. I don’t know why people ask stupid questions.

Lol so funny sometimes you wonder what people are thinking when the ask that kind of stuf

Well, I guess I’ll keep my stupid question to myself from now on..

I have different answers for all of them 😀 but they are good i May have to incorporate some of them.

I must have had it really easy. My son was pretty easy. He didnt cry too much. But then again my husband never helped me not even once. He tried once but he lost his temper and almost hurt my son. Luckily my labor also went well and I was up and running within a day of leaving the hospital. I wasnt asked many of these questions and neither was my husband. Would have not gone well

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA “I know it’s not exactly the same, but I got this new puppy, and it’s been keeping me up all night whimpering. I totally feel you!”

This is mean spirited list. Many people who have not had children have NO idea what it is like but are attempting to express interest in your newfound joy (which to be be honest doesn’t affect us at all and we could probably care less). God forbid we say nothing and refuse to awknowledge your exciting arrival. Can’t win I guess.

how about are you getting to sleep through the night . of course you’re not going to sleep for the night you have a newborn baby and when the baby does start sleeping through the night you’re still get up every 3 to 4 hours and wonder if their something wrong with the baby? Then you come to realize there’s isn’t anything wrong with the baby he/ she actually sleeping through the night . it’s another one of life’s miracles!

O god yes to the dog one! I can’t tell you how many times people think they can relate to what I do as a parent because they have a ‘furbaby’

Next time I see a parent of a new baby, I think I will not say a word. Or perhaps someone could make a list of acceptable questions and comments 😉

I’ve got a 6 week old. I know exactly where they are coming from. Yes, some days I feel like I hate everyone and everybody. Coincidentally, I’ve often had less hours sleep than you’ve got fingers on your left hand on these days.

I’ve got a baby and I still don’t know what questions to ask! I usually start with “how are you?” and I think before I open my mouth.

Yeppers ! Heard it all myself. Sometimes we humans make an emphatic statement sound quite pathetic!! It’s kind of difficult to clean it up, as well. Probably best to just say a simple, “I’m just so sorry for sounding human”.

My ex brother in-law asked when my newborn son was going to open his eyes. Lol!

I feel you completely. Some of us can handle sleep deprivation better than others, which only means we would endure longer as a POW. Stupid is stupid, I will never forget being at a pharmacy with my 8 day old daughter in her carrier. A young lady behind me asked, ‘ Is that your baby’s natural haircolor?’ I was dumbfounded and speechless. I am African-American and my daughter had wispy fine red hair. I wanted to say, ‘Yes, I am so damn ignorant that I put chemicals on the head of my newborn infant.’ Instead, I stared at her hoping she received my subliminal message. Enough said.

This is hilarious!!! All the things that I would have dreamed to say had I not been so tired with my new little one……best question I ever got asked was 2 days after having her, I went out with her and the hubby to Walmart (needed to get out of the house to walk) and the cashier asked “Wow, how old is your little one?” To which I replied “2 days” and she says “And wow, your pregnant again??” to which I looked at her blankly/I’m gonna kill you stare and said “no I literally just had her?!?!” She had that look of “I don’t get it?” What an idiot!!!!

Whenever I read these types of posts, I realize just how ill-prepared most people are to be parents. I am the dad of a 19-month old and never had anything close to what amounts to statements like, “sometimes, I cry…I’m in the throws of hell right now…” or ever call my daughter “a shriveled up Papa Smurf.”

Good luck, Clint. I hope parenting doesn’t continue to be such a misery for you.

My daughter too! She is two now and is just beginning to have hair, but has been called a boy even when wearing pink and ruffles. I’m always like, use your eyeballs, people!

It drives me CRAZY when people tell me their “fur babies” (I.e. animals) are just as demanding and they COMPLETELY understand what you’re going through. You have no kids and a DOG! You have NO idea!

My favorite about our boy/girl twins – are they identical? Um… no. There’s a very obvious difference.

While not a question, the one I absolutely hate is, “She’s flirting with him.” She’s an effing BABY. It’s a) not true and b) gross.

Ugh. That was my in-laws, multiple times. One of them had the nerve to ask if my husband was disappointed when he called to announce her birth. When SIL met the baby for the first time, she said, “That’s nice, but you should really try for a boy next time.”

The worst was when my husband’s grandfather – who wouldn’t come visit for our wedding – said he’d come to see the baby…IF we had a BOY.

If they only want boys, they don’t have to see her. Problem solved.

My wife and I have two boys. People ask us if we are going to try for a girl. Well, even if we wanted more kids, (we don’t) I would have to somehow select a girl-sperm to fertilize my wife’s egg. I haven’t figured out how to be that selective when we are, you know. . .

Haha! Papa Smurf with black eyes….right??

OMG the dog comment. They are all ridiculous, really, but comparing small humans to puppies? Not the best thing to say to a new parent, eh?

Loved this!

Jill

Brilliant!

Funny!!!!

Hahaha haha LOVE this article!

Yeah, I hated that one. My son would win the gold medal for being difficult, but that’s not something I care to share with every person ready to ask overly personal questions. I adore him despite the fact that he continues to be very difficult and I am still not ready to tell all to anyone who is curious.

Throes not throws

So true.

Oh my god!!! So true. I love it

My kids father didn’t help me. Not before their birth, not after. God forbid you asked him to change a poopy diaper! He totally ruined all my dreams of what bearing someone’s child should be. My second was far more “awake” than my first and usually was crying. But, she weaned, bottle broke, and potty trained like a champ, so I will take the win. Not having the help was difficult, but I am closer to my kids because of it and he is now my ex.

Fuck off bitch.. Blue can be on a girl too.. It’s not only made for fucking boys you dumb piece of shit.

Fucking asshole.. Go get a fucking life and enjoy having your kid before he/she won’t even fuming want to see you. You’re nothing more than a wasted existence.

Sleep when the baby sleeps? I could do a little of that when my little girl was under a month, but we started having feeding problems and she was feeding what seemed to be all the time, trying to get enough milk before we started supplementing. When she slept, that was my chance to stand up and stretch, maybe take a much needed shower, and then to do all the chores that were piling up on me.

I can’t believe no one asked why they named their kid Aspen..

Lol crazy people.

This is so refreshing to hear a mother tell it like it is!!!! I hate when women try and pretend its all roses and diamonds! You’re the shit! Everyone should take a whiff! Loved it.

LMFAO!!!! I like #7……..who does the baby look like…….LOL

Not sure how to NOT laugh out loud while reading this!!

DH’s response to that question should be ‘ejaculate.’ and i bet it will be the last time the other person asks him (or anyone else) about a stain =)

Yes! My I had a sahd in the Sixties, thirty years before it became a trend. He was the best and I loved that he made breakfast, brushed my hair, packed my lunch and welcomed me home after school. It was never “babysitting!”

Even worse that this list left out is, “Are you looking for work?” DH gets asked this frequently and it irks me to no end bc it’s none of their business! And so what if he chooses to be a sahd? Does that make him less of man? No, it doesn’t.

I got lucky as well. My first would cry a lot and be a very temperamental baby, my second (a boy) is the complete opposite. Very mellow and sleeps pretty well. With 7 yrs apart between dd7 and ds technically I CAN nap and do, but I just fucking HATE hearing it! Especially from those who realize it IS my SECOND kid!

Thanks for the laugh

Somehow you get through it and those little ones grow up in spite of what you do most times.

I’ll try to remember NEVER to ask those questions! All too well I remember those days even though they were decades ago!

This is the funniest truth ever!

I’ve had people ask me, when my sons were newborns, who they looked like, and I’ve always replied that they looked like monkeys, therefore, like their dad! 😛

…..THAT is hilarious and horrible all in one…reminds me of something that should be on the show “Modern Family”

This is the funniest thing I have read a while, I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. I would have loved to answer those questions that why!!

Oh yeah, new plants are the hardest! Their thrice-weekly watering makes me exhausted, lol. Carly Stickley

I have taken note of these. And I will ask you every single one of them. Except the puppy thing cause I don’t have one. But my computer keeps having problems, so I’ll relate it to that somehow.

When people ask you if you have a “good” or “bad” baby, you do realieze that they aren’t being literal? They are just asking you a question, whether your baby is easy or not. You are thinking far too much, and demonizing something says when there was no ill-intent in the first place.

I’ve had three kids, and there is a DIFFERENCE. My middle child was my most difficult (why is that a better word then bad?) and my youngest is by far the easiest. If someone asked me a question, I would be honest and tell them how they are… even if a child is “difficult” it doesn’t mean that you love them less, or would trade them for anything in the world. The negativity is what you inflict on it. My middle child happens to be the most fun… never a dull moment!

What about a new plant Majella Holyoak? 😉 Pretty similar I think bwahaha

Yes! Number 6! I want to punch those people in the throat. I look forward to them having children.

Sure, but if you ask the not-primary caregiver who is either clueless or selfish they’re going to say “yes, I am taking care of her or him”

I love number 5 and number 7. So funny and true.

Sometimes it’s because people have no idea what to say because they assume your whole life is baby and they’ve never been around a baby. Sometimes it’s parents sniffing around for babysitters. Mostly I think it’s mommy war crap, you know clearly they win if your baby is at a sitter and theirs is with hubby or grandma.

Wanna piss off a new parent? Number 6 always did it gor me! I ‘ve had new puppies and kittens, and I’ve had babies. If you haven’t had the responsibility of caring for a newborn baby, you do not, DO NOT have even a clie what it’s like. Have you evet broken your leg? Did people then come up to you and say ” I know how you feel: I twisted my ankle really badly, once, and had to take a day off from work!”? that’s the difference between a baby and a puppy. rant over!

Giving away your pet really shouldn’t be a “solution”, that’s awful I’ve a big rescue lurcher and a 10 month old lad and they both need food, love, comfort, stimulation, cuddles, teaching right and wrong, they’re poorly sometimes and need nursing better, a routine… I love both my lads, I think dogs and babies are very similar, unless you’re the type to shut your dog outside if a problem arises, or just dump them like an old jumper or summt

I got ‘is it a boy or a girl’ – I answered ‘I haven’t decided yet’ – I swear it just popped out! But she was in a green frilly dress with lace and bows and everything – the look I got from the asker was worth it so very much haha

Because if I slept when he slept (those 2 short 45 minute periods a day) we would have no clean clothes to wear, no food to eat, no clean dishes to eat it on, and I would smell because I would never get to shower and wash my hair!

Men that don’t help with baby or housework are just glorified sperm doners. There’s no reason to keep an asshole like that around.

Yes we do get sick of these questions but I don’t let it bother since most of the time people are just trying to a have a small conversation and may not know exactly what to say.

Love number 6!

Honestly, this all seems a little harsh to me. #1. Sometimes people ask questions they already know the answer to in order to sympathize with others and/or just talk about what you are going through. “Eat my shit” and “shut your stupid face” seem kind of cruel in response to someone asking if you are tired. I ask my husband if he is tired, even though I can tell he obviously is, and he opens up about his day. It’s a simple conversation starter.
#2 I can understand and I would prefer not to be asked that question.
#3. Some babies cry more or less than other babies. I didn’t cry until I was 3 months old. Again, I think this is just striking up conversation. People like to share in other people’s struggles and talking about those things is likely to help de-stress you also.
#4 I agree it’s a ridiculous question if it is someone that knows you at all. I can understand the concern people have for the mother but that is kind of an awkward question to ask someone.
#5 I agree people should wait to ask that question. And who really knows how you will feel later on anyway. You may change your mind a few times. Though, I do know someone that, the day they were at the hospital holding their new baby girl, he said “let’s have another one!”
#6. Honestly, it is a silly comparison, but for people that don’t have kids, that’s really all they know. Your problems may be a whole lot worse than anything they have been through, but I don’t think they deserve to be treated like idiots for something they haven’t experienced.
#7. Babies do resemble their parents sometimes. My nephew at 3 months looks JUST LIKE his father. A weird chunky baby version but he does look like him!

I hope you take all of this lightly. I just feel like most of the time people just want to talk to you and know how your experience is going. I hope your baby is happy and healthy and that you two are enjoying every second of her life! God bless!

OMG Number 6 how many freaking times I’ve heard that! A DOG IS NOT A BABY!
My other favorite is because my youngest got brown eyes(like me) and my older two have their father’s blue eyes, people asked me(with my husband right next to me) “Oh is he your husbands?” How dense are you, even if he wasn’t how in your right mind is that an okay question to ask!?

What every parent thinks about 500 questions every person within asking range asks “I bet I could jab a spoon through your eye right now and get off on an insanity plea!” LOL j/k Seriously though the last thing a tired, stressed parent wants is 50,000 questions CONSTANTLY especially stupid ones and ones from strangers, go away!!!! lol

Eat my shit! Lol. This was so funny. Evidently, you have not lost your sense of humour with all the sleep deprivation you’re experiencing – so good for you!

It’s been many years but I do remember those sleepless nights. And also these stupid questions!!!

An old lady said, what a beautiful baby, how old is she? He was dressed in blue……

#4?? really?? some people get help??? my husband NEVER helped. he went to work, and came home… THAT WAS IT!! he never got up in the middle of the night… he never fed her… and he even called me at the store and asked me how much longer i would be because she needed a diaper change! and yes, when i got home, i had to change her. some people are so lucky to have help. i am a single mom in a married woman’s life. at least he pays ALL the bills.

thank you for the laugh!!

I got when are you going to have another when my song wasn’t even 8 weeks old yet.

I’m seven months pregnant with my second baby, first boy, right now, and so far only two questions have bothered me:

“Aren’t you so happy to have one of each? I guess you’re done now, right?” Yes, I’m thrilled to be having my son. But I would have been equally happy to have another daughter, and we would have been done regardless.

“Don’t you want to stay at home full time now that you’ll have two?” Actually, I don’t work just for the hell of it – my husband and I both work in public education and my meager salary contributes about 40% of our family income. So while it would be nice to have the option to stay home, I think I’ll keep on earning money for things like groceries, clothing, and college.

One of my favorite “who does the baby look like” questions about my daughter came from my dad, whom I adore. He and I both have blue eyes, but my daughter has always had brown eyes like my husband. My sweet dad, looking at her big brown eyes when she was about a month old, said, “I think she’s going to have blue eyes, don’t you?” Bless his heart – he was trying so hard to find any of our family’s features in a child who is basically a tiny copy of her father

That’s great thanks for the reality check

Just face it.. it doesn’t matter what you say to a new parent they will never be pleased with it! They are overly tired and stressed to the max!! Even if you mean well which most people do a new parent will usually take it way out of context and have a freak out over it… New parents try to remember these people are your friends and family and only trying to help and or be friendly. You have enough to worry about so try to take these comments lightly and have a good laugh.

Oh I got a good 1 for ya!! So my kids are half Mexican, & 1 of my friends asked if they came out speaking Spanish. Ummmm duh did your kids just come out knowing English or did they have to learn it?? Lol

Hilarious

I like #4 the best although I really hate it when people ask if after a baby is born if I’m getting enough sleep

Yes!!!

People who don’t have kids, who ask questions about your kids, couldn’t give a shit about your kids. They are just asking to feign interest, as you seem to want to talk about them 24/7.

I’ve had an old lady ask me if my newborn was a robot. . . Probably thee stupidest/weirdest question I’ve ever been asked. I mean he was just chilling out talking to himself in the cooing manner babies do. And she walked up with an extremely concerned look on her face and asked me that.

I just stared blankly at her and started making boop and beeping noises.

I LOVE this! Lol

I love the dog comparison. I get it all the time!! I can’t tell you how many people seem to think that a dog is equivalent to a child. It takes all of my strength not to reach up and slap people! That one doesn’t get better either! I have two boys (12 and 8) and a little girl on the way and I have to be subjected to “Oh my dog just had puppies, I know how you feel.” No. You will NEVER know how I feel when you have to talk to a 12 year old about sex, an 8 year old about why his older brother gets more bathroom time (trust me, I’m not going in there!!!), and knowing that in 8 weeks I get to take care of an infant AFTER I, very painfully, give birth to her. You will never know the stress a parent goes through in raising children.

Funny

I swear if I hear one more story about a damn dog or cat I’m going to explode. I have 2 of each and nothing about my 13 years of pet ownership even remotely compares to the past 8 months with one baby. Pets are NOT like babies.

FUNNY!!!

OMG! My son & daughter were both born with long curly eyelashes & naturally curly hair. Someone once chirped, “Well, she certainly won’t need mascara later on!” *eye roll*
I never heard “Those eyelashes are wasted on your son” ’cause if I had, I would’ve popped someone with the back of my hand!

You forgot to mention the advice you get from a childless people who know just what to do based on what their cousin’s neighbor’s daughter’s teacher’s friend’s baby did.
As far as I’m concerned, unless you’ve personally been where I’m at I don’t want to hear it.

You can give away your pet if the need arises… your kid no so much.

My favorite awful question, asked in all sincerity, was “Are her eyes open yet?”
My husband’s responce was a vast sogh and to explain to the grown ass manwho asked this that, yes, her eyes were open because she isn’t a KITTEN.

#3 lol…yep!

Yes, thank you. I just said similar thing to yours but it looks like my comment was deleted. People suggesting those that compare babies to puppies need to be shot… obviously never had a puppy.

We were out at a small town community festival and my newborn was snoozing in the front carrier while I was getting ice cream. The guy serving ice cream asked “Do you want just a cone for that little guy?”
ummm, no thank you. The 3 week old only eats boobs right now.

I rememeber people used to ask if my son was a boy or a girl. He has a pretty face and long hair. I always dress him gender appropriate. A lady even said what a lovely princess. Ha ha perception I guess.

I have dogs & a cat. I consider them my other children but much frickin easier; like a teenager without the attitude but with just enough self sufficiency. They don’t need clothes & will never clog the toilet cuz they shit in the yard or cat box

Yup!!!

Omg I had that too with my daughter. She’s in a teal sparkly velour jump suit & got called a he. She also got called a cute boy in a pink & flowery car seat!!!!

Is it a boy or a girl? When she’s in pink and everything pink! I mean, Wtf?

I totally get the “pet is your child” thing because I had pets before my child but I never thought my pet IS a child or anywhere remotely close to taking care of a baby because it’s not. That 3 weeks of a puppy whining is not even a drop in the buckets to raising a baby.

How about common sense? These people are friends, we have other stuff to talk about. If I’m in a bar shooting pool, likely my kid is with a sitter. Maybe ask me how I’m managing being a single mom, or if my baby did anything new?

Lol

I’ve seen a baby that appeared less than 6 months old walking kinda scared me. And another creepy one was 18 month old that was ripped had muscles everywhere, he was doing pull ups on his father’s arm. I didn’t see this on youtube I witnessed this in person.

When my daughter was 4 months old I was asked if she’s walking yet !!! P

I hate these articles that make having a baby seems like a never ending nightmare. I have 3 kids, one is currently a baby. I still was able to sleep, enough to feel pretty decent. I never walked around with puke or feces on my clothing. I still showered almost every night. I don’t get it… I mean, I know some babies are harder to care for, they have colic or something else that may make them miserable, but in most cases, its not a fraction as bad as these people make it seem!
And babies are a lot like puppies. They crawl around getting into everything, putting everything in their mouths, have potty accidents that sometimes end up on the floor, get put into “cages” (playpens), they chew on things, and wants lots of love, attention and snuggles…

Seriously. I have a new kitten and it’s nowhere near having a child – been there done that and will have another child or two in the future. But I myself would never compare having children to having a pet.. there’s just no way.

Omg this is hysterical!

Actually I had puppy that stopped being able to lift her head, stopped walking and eating without assistance. Well long story short I got her slowly walking again and eating again .Got extremely attached to her and her to me. Then when she was about maybe 4 months a dumb ass accidentally so they said stepped on her. It was horrible her skull shifted and her lower jaw was turned side way.

Funny

True…some don’t help at all.

Yes! I even had servers ask if my 8 month old wanted crayons. The look of total confusion on her face was hilarious, when I said, “no she’ll probably try to eat them,” She clearly had NO clue about babies.

Haha! My daughter’s had natural highlights in their already blond hair, and someone actually asked me if I got her hair done at the salon. Why yes, my children (at age 3 and 6) go to the salon and sit for hours. It’s called playing outside in the SUN! 😉

Hahaha! No! I’m NOT sure! I’ve never even checked!

Hilarious!!!!

my first had SO much hair, it didn’t really look real…but I actually had someone ask me if it was a wig. Yes, I like to put wigs on my newborn and take her out to show off. Good grief.

They shouldn’t comment on babies. Or drive.

OMG hahaha! Thank to for the laugh! I needed that! My 3rd was colicky…And not really enjoyable for months…but she wasn’t a “bad” baby.

is she your daughter? no i kinnaped her…

That’s not a “bad baby”. She cried because it was her only way to communicate!! She was in pain

One of my neighbors asked if my kids ( who are 18 mos apart) were twins. I just kinda looked at him. I still don’t know what made him think so. One was obviously bigger!

Just wait until there’s a step child in the picture… Anytime I mention something we’ve done over the weekend or otherwise, someone nearby seems to feel the need to ask ‘So you like him?’ What the hell is that? Of course I ‘like’ him! He’s like any other kid! I chose him too! He’s adorable and lovable at times and other times exasperating, but that’s kids, that’s how they learn. They don’t always have to be liked Lol

Agreed. It’s as if your family isn’t perfect unless you have one of each. And then –say you have 3 boys, and then that girl, are the two boys in the middle nothing? No! Perhaps some just want two kids– regardless of gender!

It’s none of their business where my child is… Conversation…? Being nosey.

I was asked since I have an Italian name, why do I have a blond haired blue eyed child? I said, I get my milk delivered.

When my daughter was a baby, a woman with a dog told me it was “the same thing”, her having a dog, my having a baby. I said really, you can leave a dog at home in a crate while you go to the mall or out to dinner. Not like I can do that….and yes, I have two dogs, and i can tell you no, it’s not the same thing.

Lololol!

I HATE the “Why don’t you get some sleep tonight?” Because I’m finishing my bachelor’s degree while taking care of a newborn. My ONLY time to get anything done is when he sleeps, IF he sleeps!

Hahaha this made me choke on the tomato I was eating. People are such idiots haha

Great article and I have to say you have great taste My husband and I had a girl July 2013 and we named her Aspen

Yes that too!!

And when am I going to eat/cook/shower/clean?

I have to admit I used to do #6 when I was young and naive and childless. I obviously had NO IDEA how hard it is to raise a newborn

The fact you used the word “stupidest” is quite ironic.

Haha, I took my toddler out for ice cream, and the guy asked if my 10 week old was allowed to taste some….

i slept when the baby slept for my first one. nobody told me that it wouldn’t be possible to do that with the second one. and by the third one… no sorry, i can’t sleep when the baby sleeps because i’m too busy trying to eat/shower/pee/clean or do all the other things i can’t do when more than one of them is awake at a time. (i must admit i am blessed with one of those “good” babies that really does never cry, and sleeps for more than 12 hours at a stretch at night.)

Lol love the sleep question/answer lol

How true!

These are hysterical, but would have to disagree with #6. I know having a new puppy is not 100% like having a new baby, but you CANNOT just abandon a crying puppy like that. They need love and care just like a baby does. There is a reason why babies cry, and there are reasons why puppies cry, and they both need attending to. Puppies need to be taught their basic life skills like where to go potty, not to chew up your entire house, how to walk on a leash etc. I have been up all night trying to calm my crying puppy who’s not feeling well because they have explosive diarrhea.

I would never compare a puppy to a new baby, but number 6 is all wrong.

lmfao at “Eat my shit”

To this day, people look at my girl/boy twins and ask if they’re identical! I kid you not!

#6, I hate it when people compare their pets to having children.I know its similar for you, but its no where near the same freaking thing! stupid..

I was asked why my 11 month old “don’t talk right”

“So, your having another one soon?” and ” Why is she crying? Mommy’s a meanie isn’t she?” What? 1..not right now unless you want to take care of he/she. 2…No she can’t have everything she put’s her fingers on. You want to buy it for her?. People are so stupid.

My baby has bright blue eyes, and one day I was in a elevator and there comes this guy and asks me “omg those eyes, are they real?” And I go, “not really, I put contacts on him, depending on the outfit I change the color” DUMB! Lol

Oh my yes! Number 7!

Love it! Ha ha

I personally hate it when people ask if babies are good babies. No baby is bad. If they are sick that is not their fault. It’s not like they are born and decide to have colic or what have you and decide to wreck havoc on the parents’ lives. My baby had colic and ear problems and screamed a lot but he wasn’t a bad baby, he was just sick. The one question that irritated me to no end was (after looking me in the face) “where did he get those glass like, blue eyes?” I couldn’t go to Wal-mart or the grocery store without getting stopped so they could look at his eyes.. Got old real fast. “I don’t know” was always my response and then they would say “I guess he gets them from you” Really? Brilliant deduction, Sherlock!, was always my thought. He is 12 now and we still get stopped so they can look at his eyes. So people, it don’t end when they are older. And now, that he is older the question that bothers me is “Is this your baby?” My thought now is “No I stole him!” lol

I would totally think less of someone for locking their dog up in another room and ignoring it.. on account of that being a horrible thing to do to a dog.

Actually I think the point of the question is to ask if the husband is being sexist, thinking that taking care of the baby and the house is a woman’s job.

I love this blog so much.

Omg! So funny & true!

I never get upset when people compare babies with puppies. In a lot of way they are similar, and it is difficult to see the differences if you only have one and not the other. Sometimes I think it is more difficult with puppies! you can’t take them with you anywhere and they don’t listen, and they also can develop bad habits! So, I just can’t judge those puppy owners.

Making small talk about babies is just hard..”Oh look a baby…She’s cute… I bet you don’t get much sleep…umm…ok..bye.”

Well if you asked my hubby, he was never tired the most he did was with the first one but it wasn’t much he didn’t get up in the middle if the night he didn’t change diapers but maybe 20 times with all 3 kids. He never bathes them or puts them to bed.

#4 almost made me cry

Babies don’t do much so what else are you going to talk about? Her college plans?

I just choked on my coffee a bit over this one! lol!

My delivery nurse asked me if my daughters had the same father. I kid you not. One has blonde hair & the other black. You know the same hair colors my husband & I were born with.

Love this

It’s interesting to read the way different people take different things – when I got the is s/he “good” question when my three were babies, I took it not as a judgement on the character of the baby (because that is OBVIOUSLY not what the person meant), but if it was an easy baby, slept well, ate well, etc. My babies mostly slept through the night (or at least for 4-6 hour stretches) from birth or a few weeks old, and I didn’t experience colic/reflux until #3, so I’d say “Yeah! They’re great – I’m really lucky.” I have friends who still haven’t slept a full night with their three year old.

It’s totally a sexist question. Would you ever ask a woman “Are you being a wife?”

These are awesome and yes I can totally relate!

I totally want to add “Is he a good baby?” Uh, no, he’s an asshole. Probably going to be a serial killer.

My oldest had terrible eczema on her face until we figured out her dairy allergy. I had some stranger who was ringing up my groceries say, “wow. Her face looks awful. Why do you let her scratch her face up like that?” Freaking moron.

My FIL asked what kinds of things my newborn is into?…uhm….boobs?

Hilarious and sweet! I’ve had some if those questions, but the worst, and I get this all the time, is, “Haven’t you figured out what causes that?”, when people find out I have five children. Yes I know what causes it. I’m a married woman. Do expect me not to do it? And they say it as if my children are a disease that I could have prevented.

Damn, you guys get nasty and personally attack FAST! As a mom of three (the youngest 2), I remember all of this well and I thought some of the article was funny and spot on, but some of it really seemed like he was just an asshole. Sorry if that makes me stupid, or not understand humor, or have no clue about children. I live in a part of the country where people are (generally) nice to each other and try to take an interest in each others lives. Also, some of these “stupid” questions really do apply to some people. Not all men help their wives. People do need respite if they don’t get enough sleep, and maybe the asker was going to offer to come and help out so he could get a night of rest – y’all need to learn not to feel so personally attacked if someone has a different life experience than you and tone down the attacks. Like you’re saying – it’s a humor site.

I have 6 kids, 5 boys and a little girl, she’s my youngest. Everyone kept saying “you finally got your girl!” I never said anything to them but was thinking “no shit?!?! You seriously don’t think I know this!! I do know how to tell the difference, not that difficult!” My husband heard all about what I was thinking though…

Ha! “Yes, I would like to feed my 8 month old chicken strips & french fries! Don’t forget the large Mountain Dew!”
Ok, so i actually just say “no.”

#6

After I had my son one of my friends came over without her husband to meet him. Her husband phoned her and wanted to know how wrinkly my son was. He apparently had it in his head that newborns are super wrinkly, like elephants. This guy was and still is an idiot

Very funny. I am going to start answering them that way. I like #4.

My son has really tight ringlet curls and everyone wants to touch them and comment on them. I’m amazed at how many people ask if it’s natural. No…I take him to get perms every six week. Wtf?

I dont know, the “are you taking good care of your wife?” Is a valid question.
Sometimes the not-primary-caretaker (lets be inclusive) doesn’t realize that the primary caretaker may not have showered or fed herself an actual meal in days.

My sister took her daughter to the mall one day (she was probably 3 or 4 weeks old) and she was dressed in a pink dress that said I’m a Girl right on the front. She still had 3 people stop and ask her “Girl or boy?”.

Love it!! You really should have these printed on fliers to hand out to the appropriate people!

I think the dumbest question is,” is she a good baby? “Um, no. She sneaks out at night and talks back to me, I’m afraid she’s going down the wrong path. She’s 6 months old. Of course she’s a good baby. She was even colicky the first 3-4 months, still, that does not make a baby bad.

I have twin 9 month old girls and i have been asked at least 500 times ‘are they twins?’ No we seen the other one thought why not and stole her from the hospital…

Haha exactly! 2 days after birth a family member asked when I was going to start dolling myself up again and urged me to wake up at least an hour before the baby to have me time to get ready…… Haha… What a crazy psycho…. Sleep is my me time!

Well with this one the baby does have to be somewhere and people are just trying to make conversation.

This is the best.

“Puke. It is always puke” Luis Galvan jaja all true!!!

No, it’s pretty much hilarious and true.

#5….YES.

No, most of these are stupid and offensive questions. Did you even read the article? “Are you going to get any sleep tonight?”. What kind of stupid question is that?

Exactly.

Yup, I have seen plenty of men who do this very thing, there are plenty of good fathers out there, but there are plenty of bad ones too.

Ehhh… Questions I can handle. Touching my tummy while I was pregnant was an act of aggression in my mind. Some people have no personal space.

I was in tears my first weekend home with my first son, having trouble feeding and pretty much having a full blown breakdown. Someone actually asked me when I was planning my second because my son needed to get ready for a sister.

My daughter didn’t have hair until she was 4. A lady came up to me and asked. Does she have cancer? I left in tears. I just can’t believe the balls that people have to ask these questions.

I had a lady ask if my 3 yr old and my 1 yr old were twins. Yes, they do look a lot a like, but they aren’t even close to the same size

I was nursing my then 4mo in a fast food restaurant when an older woman approached me, clearly disgusted. She finally said, “Is that your baby?!?” WTF? I said no.

Maybe they’re not morons. Maybe they’re people who don’t like kids and are being polite and pretending to be interested in your baby because it’s the nice thing to do. Or people who don’t know what to do around babies because they don’t have one themselves, so they try to show empathy (e.g. the puppy thing) or ask questions about you and your kid, again because it’s the polite thing to do. Having a kid yourself doesn’t invalidate everyone else. You should appreciate the fact that people are taking an interest in your life and stop judging.

Hey, All: I’m the author of this post, and No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog. Glad you all enjoyed it! Huge thanks to Scary Mommy for publishing it! People say the crazies stuff! You would probably also enjoy this post on my blog of crazy things said when up in the night with children. http://www.byclintedwards.com/2014/07/crazier-things-said-when-up-late-with.html

I loved this I lol so hard

This is so spot on! Hahaha i love every single one. Sarcasm is my fav lol

Why resist??? Tape that sh*t! Lol Tape never even occurred to me or I certainly would have tried a little piece just to keep,them from losing it. Lol

You forgot one! Is he/she a good baby? As opposed to what?!?!?!

#6 is my favorite

about perfect! … now tho its not puke.. it apple sauce.. everywhere…

I would think you were making that up, except that friends of mine adopted a baby girl from Guatemala and one of the first things someone asked them after they brought her home to the US was, “How will you understand her when she starts talking?” because they assumed she would speak only Spanish (despite being raised in the US with English-speaking parents).

The stupid is pretty thick out there.

Lmfao

My son was 5 weeks early so he was so tiny….. I mean… Tiny. 4 lbs 10 ounces and we almost had to get baby doll clothes for him. Anyway, right after he was born, we went into a restaurant and he fell asleep in my arms so i put him back in his carrier. The waitress comes by and says “Is that a real baby?!” And I’m like….. “What?” ….. “Is that a real baby? Omg, it’s a real baby! I thought it was a doll!” smh. yeah lady, I have a bottle of formula I’m feeing him, put him back in his carrier, I look like a beached whale and I’m carrying around a DOLL. you just can’t fix stupid.

Haha, I had a bunch of people tell me my baby looked white. What do you say to that?? Do I ‘assure’ them that no, he’s black , like his parents? Apologize? I just gave the commenter a really, really blank stare.

#6! No. Your dog is not like a baby. 😉

Sometimes people don’t think before they ask questions. You have never done that? They ask the dumb questions because they care, not because they are morons. Sorry you aren’t sleeping well and are out of sorts, but that doesn’t give you the right to take it out on other well meaning people. You aren’t the first – we dealt with it. without being nasty.

Too funny!

I have a boy and three girls. People said the “even things out” thing to me when I was pregnant with #4. So so annoying.

#4 may seem like a dumb question but, unfortunately, it really isn’t. Those satirical remarks are actually true in some families.

Lol I just died…. My faves #3,4, and 5

I love your ending. When my second girl was born, I was asked by several people when I was in the hospital, “So, when are you having a boy?” The only more annoying question was, “Why did you name her THAT? ” (Lucy). I put out a Facebook rant similar to this well written piece. That was five years ago. I still haven’t had the boy. (Or another girl)

All my boys also had beautiful big eyes and eyelashes, and people actually said are you sure it’s a boy? Seems unfair that a boy has such beautiful hair and bolnd curls!! WTF!

Totally agree! One of mine was the same way kasey but severe milk/soy allergy. Scream and throw up all day. I would look at him and feel terrible for him because I knew he was in pain and there was not much I could do. We found the right formula at 5 months and in 2 weeks he became a “good” baby. Now I suggest to people they say easy baby verses good baby.

I’ve got the cherry on the stupid questions cake. When my 4 yr old was born my best friend (who is now, coincidentally, my sister in law) brought her then boyfriend to come see us. He asked me “is he talking yet?” Yeah, he pounded out a couple of Shakespeares sonnets right before you got here….

Ugh, the puppy one drives me crazy!

I’m pregnant with baby #2. I have to remember some of these responses to use when I *surely* get asked this question with this baby! Hah!

Funny but so true

OMG yes! I have three kids and every one of them has been different…and God love my husband, he gets six weeks off also, after two weeks I kicked him out every day…he got on my nerves more than the kids…with our youngest (currently 4 months)I made him take the girls him (11 and 7)…but having a c section with him I had to keep him around for a couple weeks and he had to stay in phone call range

Lmao

Number 6! Ohhhh number 6!! I’m 7 months pregnant with my second and hear this comparison ALL THE TIME from one of my customers. I want to smash her stupid face in every time!!!

I think he’s embraced this whole parenting thing in a way that a lot of women would appreciate!

My sister asked these exact same questions when my son was born. Now that he’s a toddler, she’ll ask why he don’t sit still, why he makes silly noises and laughs, why he likes splashing water-um seriously. He’s a two year old boy- that’s what they do.

omg this is the funniest thing i have ever read!!!! i just pit coffee all over my computer on the first one!!!

Awesome.

My son is a very red headed boy…idk if people are being sarcastic but they ask me ( a red head) where he got it from…I always say the mailman….

Wtf is studip?!

Kristina LMFAO!!! #5

The animals to kids comparisons REALLY gets my goat!

My husband was a “stay at home” dad when we had our second child. He didn’t do anything to help out. He told me that my maternity leave was his vacation and he didn’t get out of bed before noon once for the next 3 months. He would ask me what I was making for lunch or dinner and expected “stuff” in the bedroom. I filed for divorce 3 months after having the baby. No matter what anyone said he wasn’t going to change his ways. To this day he still thinks things weren’t that bad!!

#5! So much #5! Lol

OMG lol

This had me cracking up this morning! Ha!

“where does he get the blond hair from?” heard it all the time! does it matter really?

I’m a single mom. I was single when my second baby was born. I laughed in the face of the idiot who asked me if Daddy was helping. After explaining that I’m a single mom, this lady asked me “Oh, is the dad involved?” He’s not. “Where he is then?” I responded with “I don’t know. I think the moon. Possibly the bottom of a lake. There’s also a possibility he’s tied to train tracks somewhere. I don’t know. But there’s a good chance you’ll see him before I do, so when you do, can you tell him he’s way late on his child support?” (I hate sounding like one of those moms everyone hears about whose only interested in getting her ex’s money, and that’s not the case here, but I was so tired-he was NOT a fun baby-that I honestly had run out of patience for both strangers and life in general. LOL) Moral of the story: Kudos dude! Wish there were more guys like you out there! Seems everyone I know has a story similar to my own. Your wife is a very lucky lady, which I’m sure she knows

I can say that I’ve had the same exact thoughts about taping the binky to my daughter’s mouth. I laughed so hard at that. Thank you for a good laugh today.

Number 6! Never, please! 😉

I hated being asked this when my son was a newborn. He would cry for hours on end, hated sleeping and was generally unhappy for 2 straights months. We figured out he had acid reflux and got him on a good eating plan plus medicine to help. I loved that crazy baby from the beginning and never thought he was “bad”. It just made me feel awful when people asked if he was “good” because by definition, I guess he wasn’t.

HAHAHAHA! That made me laugh. I would’ve loved to have used that when my boys were babies.

Hahahaha!!! Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano

writing of dumb questions…when our son was born we had a college educated young woman ask “Are his eyes open yet?” to which my husband responded “he is not a kitten”…..sigh

Throes. Not Throws.

I always used to say, “The mailman.”

Haha I love number 7!

Hahaha, it never fails: whenever my baby is nursing in the carrier, a concerned citizen tells me his face is “blocked/squished/stuck” etc. I always kindly reply, “nope, he’s good” but strangers will push the issue like they know better than me or something. Finally it’s like “well, I don’t know how he supposed to nurse facing away from my chest….”

Omg!! Love it!!

But you weren’t “bad.” I would say difficult or high needs, but certainly not bad.

I was a bad baby. My parents could not pick me up and they had to non-stop rock me in my craddle. My parents had every right to call me a bad baby but, as Mary S. said, babies should not be considered bad babies.

My bald little daughter at five months was wearing a dress and had her ears pierced. “Oh what a cute little boy” said the stupidest person alive. I almost punched that old man in the throat.

We had a boy then 2 girls. People actually asked if we were going to try for another boy to even things up.

Someone once refused to believe my son was a boy. She actually said, “Are you sure?” I told her, “I changed his diaper this morning, I’m pretty sure.”

I think that’s still not as bad as when people ask if dads are “babysitting” their own kids. No, my husband is not babysitting our daughter, he is being a parent. 😛

“I dont know….the french are assholes” lol.

Haha love it!

My daughter has red hair, which I love. In the hospital when she was born two different nurses told me not to worry because it would probably fall out and grow back another color. People ask me all the time if she gets her red hair from her dad because I’m not a redhead. When I told a woman, “No, it’s from my side. It skipped me,” she replied “Lucky you!”

Anyone who compares babies to puppies should be shot. It is NOT the same thing.

Laughed so loud I nearly woke the sleeping children 😉

Both my girls had natural ringlets and several said “oh, you curl her hair!” Yes, because I have so much extra time, the toddler sits still for such extended periods of time and hot curling irons and young children are such a good mix, that I thought why not let’s curl her hair

Yeah. I much prefer phrasing it as “easy” or “challenging.” I was fortunate to have a mostly-easy baby, except for some absolutely hellish sleep regressions. During those times, when people asked if I had a good/easy baby, I just sort of glared at them. 😉

Haha! We have a 1 month old and I am pretty sure we have heard every single one of these!

“Cute baby! Is it yours?”

No. I just found it laying around and thought “ehh. What the hell. Why not.”

Yup.

I LOVE this!

When my twins were born I was asked by the nurses who knew they were boy/girl if they were identical. Different gender twins can’t be identical. You think they would learn that in their training. I was also always asked if my girls who are 2 yrs apart are twins and if all my 5 kids are mine. No I just decided to steal a couple.

My fave – “why don’t you sleep when the baby sleeps?” Because it didn’t seem like my baby ever slept!!!!

Haha! My husband gets the “are you taking care of your wife” question all the time.

My daughter has beautiful red hair while I am a dark brunette. I have been asked if she was mine so many times, but the stupidest comment was from the person who asked me if we color her hair. She was a toddler at the time!

Lol toothless Alfred Hitchcock

ive heard the oh what a cute lil boy you have. my lil ones a girl, and dressed in PINK you moron. I really wanted to say that

This is hilarious!!!what every parent is thinking but never says!

I wish I would have thought up some of these comments when mine were babies! Guess I was too tired. #4 is my favorite.

I give a pass to the people who compare their puppies to babies. Typically, they are just trying to relate to/empathize with you.

I’ve Actually Told Someone To Eat Shit And Die And I’m Pretty Sure I Got Fired For Going Off On My dried Up, Childless, Yzma LookAlike Supervisor For Giving Me “Advice”.

Isn’t that so true?! I heard it ALL THE TIME. We have 5 kids, and when the 4th was born, my oldest was 3. That’s right, 3,2,1, and newborn. Not to mention I have an 18yr old stepson who lived with us. Nap when the baby naps…. in NO univese was that happening. Long gone were the days of quietly cuddling a newborn baby all day long. At that point my babies were like tiny monkeys who either had to cling on for dear life or fend for themselves (kidding…sort of) People are ridiculous.

I always get asked if my niece and daughter are twins when I have them both at the zoo with me. Makes me laugh because clearly they are not

I.just.died Hahaha this is perfect. I wish I had Jeff Foxworthy walking around with me saying “here’s your sign” sometimes….my favorite is when I’m out and about solo, and people say “ohhh where’s the baby?!” I started responding “at home alone, just fed him, he’s good till his next feeding right?”…..

The dog one. My favorite!

Love these. Well done!

Mine to add:
1.
Stranger: “How old is she?”
Me: [insert age]
Stranger: “REALLY?!?! She’s [HUGE, tiny, wrinkled, etc] for [insert age]”

Only appropriate stranger response: “Wow! She’s beautiful!”

2.
Stranger: “How much did she weigh?”
Me: [insert weight. In my case, almost 10 lbs. twice]
Stranger: “OMG! Did you have her naturally? I hope you had a c-section!”
Me: [internally – not out loud]: “yes, let’s please have a conversation about my vagina.”
Me: [out loud] – “I’m doing really well. Thanks!”

Only appropriate stranger response: “Wow, she’s beautiful!”

(And yes, both of my daughters were nearly 10 lb healthy baby girls, who, based on strangers’ comments, I was sure were going to be wildly over-sized. Yet so far, the Guinness World Records hasn’t called).

Friggin hilarious. Totally made my day. I’ve been asked all those questions before.

My two are 17 months apart and she (the oldest at 23 months now) is very tall for her age with very curly hair while he (six months) has straight hair) and I have been asked more times than I can recall if they are twins. My response is always “Yes, identical”.

My favorite is when people ask “Is he a good baby?” WTF kind of question is that. There are no “bad” babies.

Hilarious and well put!

I use to get “Is that his real hair color?”…….Nope, I dyed it last night! Really???

Here’s a legit question: who names a baby Aspen?

In regard to who a baby looks like, I always says ‘babies are like an ink blot test, everyone sees one parent or another. And now I know who you like more!’

GOD I effing hate that “sleep when the baby sleeps” crap. EVERYONE says it like it’s some huge secret gem of advice. And when you’re on your second or subsequent child, it’s totally irrelevant. Sorry, can’t sleep when the baby sleeps. When she finally falls asleep at 7:15 a.m. and my toddler wakes up for the day, as much as I would love to pass out until 11 a.m. with my baby, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Makes me feel so much better about my own snark … Is it still okay even though my youngest is 6?

Only one question I’ve been asked left me without a snappy comeback, “So you had a baby? Why’d you do THAT?”

I have a 15 month old son and I watch a 13 month old little boy. My son has strawberry hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. The other little boy is 1/2 korean. We take walks daily. With out fail, I always get asked if they are twins. Yep, uh huh….identical, can’t you tell? What? Really? Twins?

I love this article!

Not all men actually help out or get involved in anyway. Glad to hear that there are men who want to be a parent too.

1. Calm down
2. Take a pill

How truthful, yet utterly hilarious. Most people will not tell the truth about what those 1st three months are really like, hell!

So many people ask ‘is he a good baby’ once I answered ‘yes, except for the gambling’!

So very true but the questions become infinitely dumber once you have twins

Can we add to the list “do you need a kids menu?”. Wtf, it’s an infant you (probably well meaning but still highly irritating) moron.

Number 6….it really irritates me when people think having dogs is the same as having kids.

Lol! True story!

Haha…I hear #3, 5, and 7 all the time!! However, my baby is nothing like the one in this article. She was born in May, sleeps all night, doesn’t cry much at all, eats like a champ, etc…!! This is my first (and only…my husband has 3 from a previous marriage), so I have nothing to compare her to. Maybe I’ve just been lucky!

Damn, that guy needs a nap.

lol!!

The last one cracked me up! Ha! I got no lie on a daily basis from the same person “so have you gotten peed on yet?” my response was always “he’s a boy, so yeah.” stupid…

Yeah ok number 4. Not all guys are helpful.

I’m guilty of comparing my puppy to a baby. She even wears diapers due to incontinence. But when I realized I was doing it, I stopped. Now I do it in my head lol

Who does baby look like? Isn’t unreasonable, from the moment my lo was born at 33weeks he looked like his dad

Mine daughter was a baldy, my fav was “why is HE wearing a dress?”, I responded ” because HE has a vagina”. Some people need to be bluntly discouraged from their current course for the greater good.

LOL!

Haha!

Aaah, too funny! Mine aren’t babies anymore, but I remember the dumb questions!! Although, when I take all 4 of them out, I still get asked if they are all mine or do they all have the same father?? Some people are just really blunt!! Lol!

My girls are now 18 and 7. Few I remember are ” is it a boy or a girl?” , obviously the pink frilly dresses leave you clueless. And when my eldest was a baby , I was asked why I was pushing a doll around in the pram. Seriously. I know she had huge blue eyes and long lashes but seriously. Now they older I get have they the same father.?,

So- does he sleep through the night?

Does any newborn baby sleep 8 hours on their parents schedule? Yeah I didn’t think so.

Sooo happy we arent the only ones who have thought on more then one occasion about taping a binky to our son’s face!! hahaha

#6 pisses me off to NO END!!!!!!

I love the question “Is he a good baby?”. I always resist the urge to say “no, he is a bit of an asshole, actually. Of course he is a good baby!” geez.

As others have said, the is he good question really annoys me! He is a baby he doesn’t know right and wrong, he just eats, sleeps, plays and nappy fills! Is crying to communicate ‘bad’?

#4 is a completely legitimate question. Kudos to this guy for thinking its a stupid question and being a hands on dad but for some men it isn’t common knowledge to help with the baby, housework, etc.

Hahahaha i love it

“Is he a good baby?” Not really, he knocked over a liquor store last week and constantly trips old people on the sidewalk. All babies are good!

I bet every decent dad wants to punch people in their faces when they ask if he’s helping his wife. Really? I love his sarcastic response! …making sandwiches….lol

Know you’re trying to be funny you’re not though! Glad you’re not my baby’s daddy!

Lol
That gave me a good giggle

Can’t stop laughing.

Less than 24 hours after giving birth to our 2nd child (a 2nd boy) a nurse asked me if I would be “trying for the girl next time”. That question is all kinds of wrong…

My kids are 3&6 and I still get asked #1. I would love to try and get more sleep. Sometimes that shit just doesn’t happen.

My sister – in – law is always asking questions that make it appear that she doesn’t have a basic knowledge of babies… “Why is she crying? Does she always cry? Why is he putting everything in his mouth? Why are you so tired that you want to be in bed by 9:30?” Makes me hope that she doesn’t have kids sometimes.

I hate the questions “Is he a good baby??” and “Is he a good sleeper?”

#6!!!!

#4 – Those people are probably just reminding a dad to help out. Hubs was absolutely wonderful with our kids (and still is!). However, when we had our daughter, a guy at work would boast about how his wife did all the work and he never changed a diaper. Yes, there are men that pretty much abandon their wives to take care of the kids and only want her for sex and food. Chances are the people asking this question are letting you know that you need to be stepping up and that it is no longer acceptable to only go to work and make money to be a good husband and father.

Number 4. I laughed and scared my baby. Haha!

When my daughter was an infant, some lady said, “What pretty, long eyelashes! Are they real?” Ummmm… no. I put fake eyelashes on a 3 month old!

My fave was “where’s the baby?” When I got a night out. Oh, I left her home alone. She can’t even sit up yet, so how much trouble can she get into?

Mine had to get a little extra oxygen to go home. Was going up another 1000 feet of elevation. The stupidest question really shocked me. Lady in store asked “is she OK. Is she dying?” Lol stopped me in my tracks. So hurtful to say that to a young first mother. Like book. They let me take my dying child to the flipping superstore!!!!! 1/16 air. A whisper. She got strong rocky mountain lungs now.

These make me clench my fists! People need to not say anything if they can’t say good things. Someone asked us, when my son was 2 months old, if we were having any more, and I said we weren’t sure, and she said that wasn’t a good answer. I went into blind rage paralysis, or “Ohnowshedidntjustsaythat-itis”, while my smart husband saw that and said, “We are waiting on God’s timing”, and she said, “Okay, that’s good.”

My favourite: “is he good?” No silly person, he is in fact quietly sitting at the top of interpols most wanted list!!!!

#1 and #6!!! Yes!!!!!!

“Did you shave your babies head?”

I understand what this man is saying but for people that dont have kids, they have no idea. Or some other parents want to know how their baby is compared to other (in a way that they are not alone). No offence but I find this article studip, No question is a studip question.

Love it! What about all those people who tell you that all babies are flexible and go with the flow!!

I’m glad people ask if you’re helping your wife. I wish someone had the balls to say things like that to my ex when he was with us. Maybe he’d have realized that it’s NORMAL to step up and pitch in with the baby you helped make. Too many guys seem to have this delusion that now that the baby has arrived, it’s Mom’s job to do everything, especially if she’s a SAHM.

While I wouldn’t have expected him to handle 2am feedings when he had to get up and work the next day, it would’ve been nice if he’d have changed a diaper or kept her so I could get an hour to myself, just once. :-p

#2! Hahaha

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!!!

#7 lmao

I love this post!!

Totally Number 4.

I had one like that in my daycare. She screamed pretty much non-stop for a YEAR. She wasn’t a “bad” baby, and honestly I, to this day, have no clue what was wrong with the kid. My mom, a veteran of 8 kids of her own, got to the point she wouldn’t help me with her.

Eventually I had to tell the parents I just couldn’t do it anymore. The grandmother took over. I have no idea how she managed, but I saw the little girl a few years ago with her parents, and she’s finally shut up. Looks like a fairly sweet toddler, so I hope she’s finally settled down into normal childhood patterns.

Honestly, I felt bad for her, and for the parents, but I’ve never felt like such a failure. I don’t think there are “bad” babies, but there sure as heck are difficult ones!

I hated, “Is he/she a bad baby?” Like I would say, “Yes, totally. He’s a little asshole.” SMH.

Love it!! Hahaha!!!

Yes haha x

People are idiots lol

Love this article!! Also want to add that it boggles my mind when people ask me if we are going to speak French to our kids… We are both French and only speak French at home so YES!!! It’s not like we’ll start speaking Spanish to the kid!

Lol funny! Most of my friends have babies so they know not to ask these silly questions.

I was asked some really personal questions from one of my male bosses like “Did you get stretch marks? My wife did and they were awful.” I’m pretty sure his wife was thrilled that I had that information.

Lololol #s 4&7 really had me laughing!

Brilliant!!!

I love #7

Amen!!! Especially #6!

That’s because there are some bad babies. My niece was one. She screamed a banshee-like, glass shattering scream for the first four months of her life. ALL THE TIME. Combination of colic and fluid in her ears but it was hell on earth for my sister and her husband. They tried CIO once and she screamed for two hours. They didn’t do that again.

Hahaha .. Loved your answers .. Could relate with you completely

I LOVED this, esp your answer to if you are helping your wife! lol I dont know why, but people’s questions to parents with a new baby strangely have a viewpoint from the “good ol days.” Its all just a variant of ‘Is the baby completely easy and quiet so you can live your life unchanged and so each of you can fulfill your seperate roles?’ If the answer is no, its like “oooohhhh well hopefully it will get better.” lol
BTW, my moms reasoning for why things did seem easier as a mom back then from which this impossible level we are still judged by, her answer was “well i drank a little vodka with lunch and didnt really mind anything.” lol

What about- is he/she a “good” baby? I have always hated that question because it indicates that some babies are “bad”.

This is so true! Just had a baby couple weeks ago and people have already asked half of this list. Not to mention this is my SECOND kid and I’m still getting gems like “Are you sleeping when the baby sleeps?” from well meaning people. Also DH got asked “what’s that on your shirt?”