Parenting

This Is 35

by Jamie Johnson
Updated: 
Originally Published: 
Scary Mommy and Eva Szombat/Getty

35 is actually knowing who you are as person but still questioning each and every decision you make.

35 is wanting to go to bed but craving time alone to watch Bachelor in Paradise – or something equally as trashy.

35 is spending a night drinking with your friends then spending the next day feeling like shit because you aren’t 21 anymore.

35 is working out in the morning but complaining about your creaky bones when you walk up steps.

35 is wanting to spend all the time with your children, but also locking yourself in the bathroom with your coffee so no one will touch you with their grubby hands.

35 is going on a hot date with your husband but coming home at 10 p.m. because you are both exhausted.

35 is actually knowing what you want out of life but still not being 100% sure.

35 is actually having a nice car that is also covered in smashed goldfish and boogers from your kids.

35 is having a 401K and Roth IRA but still not knowing exactly what either one of them actually are.

35 is eating ice cream out of the tub on the couch because you are an adult and you can do whatever the hell you want!

35 is raising kids to be good people but then yelling at them because they won’t stop hitting each other in the head with Nerf darts.

Scary Mommy and Lily Hook/Getty

35 is dry shampoo and coffee and not giving a fuck if anyone is judging you for it.

35 is sending your kid to the babysitter with a bucket on his head because he thinks it’s a hat and you don’t want to listen to him cry.

35 is still having your best friends but not seeing them nearly as much as you would like.

35 is having a budget but still subscribing to the FabFitFun box one night online because you had too much to drink.

35 is thinking that 2001 was ten years ago.

35 is comparing every computer game your kids play to Oregon Trail.

35 is dropping your kids off at your parents’ house so you can listen to music with cuss words and get ready without a two year old in your lap.

35 is actually putting on sunscreen before going in the sun but maybe “forgetting” one day because you still think you look better with a tan.

35 is telling college girls not to get their belly button pierced because one day they will have babies.

35 is being in a meeting with one of your high school friend’s mom or dad that caught you drinking at their house twenty years ago.

35 is wondering how Carson Daly could go from TRL to the Today Show.

35 is wanting to see Britney Spears in concert – okay, maybe that one is just me.

35 is getting excited every time “The Sandlot” comes on USA.

35 is old, but it’s young.

35 is my present, and it is going to be another kick ass year.

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