This vintage Urkel doll is a great deal considering a free demonic spirit is included
If you were alive in the 90s, you watched everyone’s favorite sitcom, Family Matters. And lucky for you, a vintage Steve Urkel doll has hit Ebay right in time for the holidays.
Cute right? There’s just a few problems. He’s missing his signature glasses. Oh, and also — he’s possessed by a demonic spirit that smells of rotting flesh, sucks the warmth out of your home, and goes by the name of “Zaz.”
“The name of the Entity is Zaz. I have made some contact through a Medium & spirit board,” the listing says. “But in truth don’t feel good about contacting this entity. I have some abilities but prefer to work with light entities. Maybe someone can safely bind & house Zaz in their care.”
Urkel — I mean, Zaz — was left on the doorstep of a friend of the Ebay seller. She maintains that the friend’s ex, “who plays in the dark arts & spell work” left it behind for her. Cue all of our exes no longer seeming so bad. He left it on her doorstep in a heart-shaped box with pig hearts, as one does.
“Please don’t get this as a prank gift or for a child,” the item description warns. “The doll may have a slight odor but it’s only on occasion — the best I can describe is musty graveyard smell & rotting meat. I think it maybe residue?”
Oh, no big deal. You’ll get over the smell of rotting flesh and pig heart residue. The 90s were a blast! You want this creepy doll that will forever haunt your dreams and home, don’t you?
IT’S ONLY $100 AND THERE’S ECONOMY SHIPPING.
“The doll has a hole in its head like a 3rd eye… but if you want any info to help you in any way this doll is not that one… This doll has been present for many dark magic rituals & a few light. Her ex would conjure evil spirits & is really a nasty person in general.”
Hmm, that all sounds interesting, but I’m just wondering… WHY IS THIS FOR SALE? IT NEEDS TO BE BURNED, BURIED, OR DESTROYED. ASAP.
If you do decide to buy this doll literally from hell, at least you’ll be entertained. “You will see dark shadows and figures,” the seller explains. You’ll also hear “nasty cracking sounds” and “scary screams.” It happened to the seller the first night she had it. She maintains she thought the sounds were coming from the room under her — but nope! IT WAS ZAZ.
“The room will drop to freezing temps,” the seller warns. “I have woken in the middle of the night shaking.” She also explains the string has “pulled itself once” in front of her, while staring at her.
And look at his little pointy finger guns. He’s like, “Hey! I’m gonna feast on your immortal soul. Pew-pew!”
She also describes waking up to the feeling of her bed floating, only immediately to be dropped back to the floor. Religious crosses in the house flip. A lamp was smashed to the ground. Things bump in the night and “make you feel crazy.” Basically, why hasn’t anyone bought this yet? It sounds amazing.
“ZAZ definitely has a presence. I don’t recommend him in the room you sleep.”
But please send her $100 and take it off her hands, breaking the curse, and freeing her from this horror-doll.
“I am required as per eBay’s policy on the paranormal to indicate that eBay forbids the sale of intangible items and this listing is for ONLY A TANGIBLE DOLL with NO promise of spirit attached. eBay requires me to say that this is all for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.”
Did you hear that? There’s no promise of a dark spirit attached. You’re only bidding on a doll — WINK, WINK.