25 Ways You Know You Have a Boy

boy

1. You find yourself willingly holding a living creature that you would usually run away from screaming.

2. A girl makes eyes at your son and you have this weird urge to pull her aside and call her a “slut” (whether she’s 6 or 16).

3. You have an unhealthy knowledge of the point/gem system for Temple Run, Dragonvale, Bakugan, Plants vs. Zombies, Cube Runner …

4. You can’t muster the brain power to recall what you ate for breakfast, yet you can inherently transform a Transformer (without the 30 pages of directions it came with).

5. You bought a car based solely on how much equipment you could fit in the trunk.

6. Your child asks you to marry him and you’re totally considering it.

7. You know what a Ripstik is and you’re not afraid to use it.

8. You spend much of your days in a fog of fart odor and some of it is proudly yours. (What? How else can you impress your male offspring?)

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

9. A little penis seems to be constantly whizzing by (well, let’s hope that’s your sons).

10. You’ve actually placed yourself under a tree with the feeling that, if that kiddo loses footing you’ll at least be there to break his fall.

11. You know the pain of stepping on a Lego … and may in fact, have one imbedded somewhere in your body right now.

12. There’s a finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it’s not yours.

13. You understand what I mean when I say “bleacher butt,” as in, “My sits bones are literally numb, I have bleacher butt.”

14. There’s a rogue Bey Blade in your purse.

15. You’ve found yourself saying things like, “No, you can’t ride the dog.” and “Yes, you do have to keep your pants on in public.”

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

16. You’ve had in depth conversations about who would win in multiple variations of match-ups involving Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, X-Men, Daddy …

17. You can’t wait until he’s old enough to watch Airplane, The Naked Gun, Caddy Shack, Vacation, Fletch, The Three Amigos…

18. Though you claim to be an absolute pacifist, you’ve had a talk that involved you urging, “Sometimes you gotta push back.”

19. You’ve considered leashing your son at a theme park and he’s 12.

20. You’re on a first name basis with the orderlies at the ER who provide slings, splints, casts, and those velcro boots.

21. You may have shamefully thought, “It wouldn’t be so bad if he married an orphan.”

22. At some point you notice the change in smell from “OMG sooo sweet” to “Get that tween some AXE.”

23. You can use your keyboard, phone, iPad, but there’s a good chance your fingers will get stuck to it.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

24. You can’t find a single pair of pants without holes in the knees.

25. There’s a love you feel for your son that’s too great and sometimes too scary to fully explain or even comprehend.

About the writer

@SuburbanJungle

Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Jungle. A card carrying Gen Xer and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter.

From Around the Web

Close

Lara 1 year ago

Love knowing I’m not the only one with a well rounded daughter! !y 13 year old goes from makeup & curling irons to four-wheelers & mud to giggling about cute boys & what to wear to shooting aluminum cans off a fence & tromping through the woods! And we wouldn’t have it any other way!

Lara 1 year ago

We women are really skilled at making mountains out of mole hills! I thought Jenny nailed life with a typical little boy personally!

Lara 1 year ago

Jennine, your son will only think that if you think that! He will model his behavior on what he sees & hears from the adults in his life! Always teach him about the value & power words have! Just the fact that you’re concerned tells me that he will NOT be that boy! Just relax…you’re going to do just fine!

Lara 1 year ago

Ridiculous, silly, argumentative & rude are some of the words I’d use to describe these negative comments about Jenny’s blog post! Is it seriously necessary to turn every thing you see, hear or read into some sort of agenda or platform? This is JENNY’S blog, JENNY’S observations, JENNY’S world!!! If you don’t like it, quietly & kindly go away! I don’t know Jenny personally, but I would guarantee you that she seriously doesn’t need your incredibly condescending & hateful attitudes! Put your energy toward something that is a true injustice, not the accurate & funny words of another Mom making her way through the chaos of parenting!

P.S. Wow! Do you honestly think she’d call a girl a slut for looking at her son?!? Get a grip! It’s humor! You are the reason men talk about women being nitpicky & impossible to please!

Indigo 1 year ago

Not to her face? The fact that calling a 6 year old a slut even comes to your mind is scary. And you have a daughter? How slutty do you think she is?

Skay 1 year ago

Maybe people need to grow a thicker skin? I’ve been called a slut and a whore, but since the people saying it weren’t people who matter to me in my life I really don’t care. Maybe those who are so concerned about it should educate their children not to use those words and that if someone uses them to describe you it doesn’t matter as long as you know it isn’t true. I also think there are a lot of women in denial about just how scandalous other women can be, there are some really bad people out there, there are some really manipulative people out there. If have a son you hope he doesn’t get involved with a girl like that and vice versa. I just had to describe to a guy friend what a parachute guy is, and if you know what it is then you should know why mom’s of boys worry.

Steph 1 year ago

My son and my older daughter are so well described.. By these, lol.. I thought I was alone, being the only mom with nudists..

Love it!

brian 1 year ago

pu-leaze……. This is pretty much dead on…. I’m the primary caregiver and soon to be single dad of fraternal twin boys….. (One has Downs; syndrome) I function at a 10 year old’s maturity level anyway so it’s working out a bit better than I’d imagined…ive told my 28 yearold step daughter (that I raised since she was 4 that I miss the quieter days of her drama……im more of a bouncer now…..Mind you that im a retired correctional officer…..The best training for raising boys that a person could possibly have…..

madlen 1 year ago

Omg…..i love it. I have hadtears in my eyes

Peggy 1 year ago

As a mom with multiple boys and a girl this blog is hilarious. My boys are mid to late 20’s and daughter 31. I have 6 granddaughters. So I can actually say a couple of these only pertain to boys and many to both. I give kiddos to the writer for making the truth of children funny. Becuz when my boys were growing up I needed to laugh or I’d cry. My daughter married an orphan and holidays are soo much easier with her then my boys. Lol. Keep up the humor, everyone needs to relax, life’s to short to take everything so seriously

Chris R 1 year ago

I agree 100%!!! I am amazed at how there seems to be an entire generation of seriously butthurt people in this world that will complain about ANYTHING! #2 I completely understood… not that you would actually call a little girl a slut, it’s about that protective barrier you want to place around your kid… I really worry about someone that took that seriously. And most people joke about “in-laws” so I totally got number 21 too. Maybe Jen could create a blog titled “How to tell when a blog responder is an uptight twat”

Rina 2 years ago

For everyone that is linking bad names to rape – learn a little about rape. For the rapist, it is the same as being a bully – the need to dominate and the satisfaction from watching someone else be overcome by you. It has nothing to do with whether the woman is a slut, a whore or the Sunday-school teacher. As a rape victim and mother of a rape victim, please get some common sense when comparing the use of a simple word to the actions of a rapist.

Cindi Boothe Hancock 2 years ago

As an almost 60 yr old grandma I will say this ~~~ IT IS AN INTERNET POST THAT IS VERY FUNNY! GET OVER IT!~~

I raised two daughters and a son, now have 4 grandsons and a granddaughter. Does most of this apply to either, well duh! Am I gonna throw a mommy hissy fit because she didn't say my little angel daughter/granddaughter is the same way? NO! BECAUSE I AM A GROWN UP! Go read a post about girls!

Carmen 2 years ago

Love this! I will add though that reading all the comments by the people who took this blog post way too seriously was the best part about the whole blog! i love some good cat fights :)

Mew2 2 years ago

Girls and boys are very different. You can’t not tell me you didn’t have a relationship in high school that ended your world. A lot of times the girl is completely torn up and talks to her friends about it. The boy on the other hand, while still hurt, doesn’t act that way and probably doesn’t talk to his friends the way a girl does. Girls are way more emotional–or at least they show it more. Girls are catty while boys can punch it out and be ok by lunch. It’s called estrogen and testosterone people!! Yes, we have similarities and you can choose to like or be whatever you want…but don’t act like we aren’t different. It’s good to be different!!!!!

Michelle 2 years ago

What is wrong with you? Why don’t you go chill out? Are you the writer’s sister or something? Any woman who would do #2 (he he) is an embarrassment to our sex.

best credit reward 2 years ago

My relatives all the time say that I am wasting my time here at net,
except I know I am getting experience every day by reading thes good posts.

Lynz 2 years ago

Most were funny.Some were not at all.
For those that don’t get the ruffled feathers over the use of the word ‘slut’ let me put it this way….
You may think it’s o.k. to use that word because it doesn’t hurt you on a personal level. But I’d say many women do feel that way.We have been deeply hurt by this word.
Some may say that words don’t hurt , but I would be willing to bet not a one of you would be willing to use “retard”, “gay” , or ANY racially derogatory words in public for fear of back lash (let alone getting your ass handed to you).
Yeah you can think it in your head, share it on the confessional but the moment you use any kind of “loaded” word in a public way you leave yourself open to public opinion.

zumpie 2 years ago

Phoebe, bravo! And yes, I notice there’s a lot of that sort of creepiness here. If anything, this particular entry is on the tame side….

Mandy 2 years ago

Love it. My son is only 1, but some of these already apply to me! I can’t wait for more terrorizing. :)

The whole obsession with gender stereotypes is getting a bit out of hand. My son inherently goes towards cars, trucks, and other “boyish” things without any guidance from me. He also has dolls that he likes to cuddle. If he wanted a barbie, I wouldn’t judge or get my panties in a bunch over it. However, boys and girls are raised differently regardless of whether we realize it or not, it has to do with our subconscious.

That doesn’t mean that we aren’t open to other things, but at the end of the day criticizing a post highlighting the funny experiences she had while raising a boy is redundant.

dazzle 2 years ago

bottom line is its funny and relevant to moms. calm down not everything is a battle

Dumb posters 2 years ago

Wow y’all need to calm down, stop being so offended and learn to just read a post

pen 2 years ago

lindsey get a serious grip!! chill out !!!! do you have self slut feelings?

Penny 2 years ago

It’s not okay to call anyone a slut, at any age, for any reason.

Jennine 2 years ago

I’m about to have a boy, and one of my biggest fears is that he will be the kind of boy who thinks it’s ok to make “slut” jokes.

Mandy 2 years ago

The content of the post entirely aside, it is really depressing to see how moms prefer to accuse other moms of having “something up their asses,” a la the ‘mean girls’ in junior high, simply for disagreeing about what is funny. Is it really so unreasonable to take anything as a potential opportunity to engage in intelligent discourse that might make us all think a little harder about how we raise our kids? It has not a single thing to do with political correctness, and everything to do with engaging your mind and thoughtfully considering opposing insight.

zumpie 2 years ago

I agree about #2. maybe it’s a creepy mother-boy thing, because if I boy checks out my daughter, my reaction isn’t “get way from her you disgusting pervert!!!” it’s more along the lines of, “ooooohhh, did you see the cute boy looking at you????”

Gloria 2 years ago

Ugh. These aren’t funny or clever. They’re really silly and some are offensive (like #2). I have a son and yeah, sure, he does a lot of these things. So does my daughter. So do I (hello, #16!) I think you failed to bring home the funny with this one and kind of tried to cover it with the all encompassing scary-kind-of-love #25. Better luck next time, dude.

Joanna 2 years ago

Mary Beth,
If you’re the mother of three boys, how are you able to speak on what it’s like to raise a girl?
And to hope someone hasn’t procreated just because they don’t find something funny that you do – right…..

Kate 2 years ago

I’m not at all surprised that most of the comments on this article seem to be from mothers of only boys. I can imagine that any mother of a girl would be horrified to think that someone out there is thinking of her daughter as a “slut” for interacting with a kid of the opposite sex.

Calling a little girl a slut?? You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. It’s not a joke. We are not butthurt. To all the moms telling us to pipe down – think about the times you’ve been called a slut, or imagine being called a slut. Think about how horrible that made you feel. Think about how horrible it would make you feel that people might think, not even say aloud, that you are a slut. Of course no one will call a 6-year-old “slut” to her face but to think it is just as depraved. You are the ones who need to get your priorities straight.

And to the commenter who said that if a boy approached your little girl, you would think of him as an “ass”? Do you not effing get it? “Slut” is a loaded word that has been used to oppress and shame women for way too long. Calling someone an “ass” (which can apply to any sex and is just a stupid insult anyways) doesn’t even come close. The only thing that could even begin to come close is someone calling your precious Lego-loving baby boy a “gigolo” for talking to a little girl (not that that even begins to be as horrible as calling any girl, let alone an unsexualized child, a “slut”). Now how does it feel?

Sarah 2 years ago

It’s funny to joke about if someone has had kids or not? Oh. Okay.

Sarah 2 years ago

Cath, I legit just laughed out loud. “Rough and tumble, stinky, future husbands of orphans”… amazing. My son’s a funny blend. He’ll carry a pink my little pony for a three mile hike. He’ll be muddy and scraped and stinky, but pony will have been safely cuddled the whole time and not have a speck of dirt.

alex 2 years ago

La Dame aux Chats-
So on point.

J 2 years ago

I don’t get how these are jokes. Jokes are supposed to be clever.

Madison 2 years ago

Yeah, but they’re not funny. They’re really lame.

La Dame aux Chats 2 years ago

Ways to Know You Need Psychological Help: You think it’s perfectly acceptable to slut-shame a six year old, and dress it up as a supposedly cutesy, “attached Mama” example in (yet another) inane article about gender stereotypes. Promoting rape culture isn’t adorable, no matter how defensive you sad sack “mamas” get.

Jen 2 years ago

Bottom line it’s a half assed attempt to be funny. Defend it all you want but it’s still a solid piece of shit writing. Guess anyone can get a column these days.

Vicky 2 years ago

More cringeworthy than funny.

Rachel 2 years ago

Dang. butt-hurt much? They’re called jokes.

Cath 2 years ago

Do you also include a disclaimer that many of the items on the girls’ list applies to boys? Because boys who are girly are no less boys than your rough and tumble, stinky, future husbands of orphans.

Zchamu 2 years ago

Yeah, slut needs to be eradicated from everyone’s vocabulary, and not even used jokingly to refer a child.

Teresa 2 years ago

I hope these people have fun becoming crotchety old replicas of their mother- in -laws… who probably still call them sluts.

Annette 2 years ago

Good gravy. I can assure you that your husband (partner/baby daddy/whatever) feels the exact. Same. Way. about any boy who would dare to make advances towards his precious baby girl. Slut-shaming implies that it is being said out loud to the little girl in question, which is not the case. If you have never had unkind thoughts about anyone, please raise your hand. Anyone? Bueller?

Mary Beth 2 years ago

Well, as a thirty something mother of three boys I can tell you there is a difference between raising little boys, and little girls. The reason you are LAME is because you took time out of your day to comment on the sexist nature of a funny as hell post. Get over yourself and stop being so *ahem* LAME.

Annette 2 years ago

My Mila is also a perfect mix of girly girl and tomboy. With 2 older brothers, she didn’t really have a choice!

Lindsey 2 years ago

Mary Beth — I don’t think the issue is that we don’t have a sense of humor at all. Several of these points made me grin. It’s just that, as a young woman who grew up with two brothers, I did many of these things and to see them displayed as “boy” things instead of “child” things can be a little aggravating. As a now 20-something woman, I still have to fight to be taken seriously on several matters because I am a woman. If we could just do away with “boy” things and “girl” things and focus on “kid” things I think it would help in the long run. Also, telling someone you hope that didn’t procreate is rather *ahem* lame. Don’t you think?

Char 2 years ago

I have to agree about the slut shaming. Ever wonder why boys often grow into men who rape women? Slut shaming.

Lindsey 2 years ago

The fact that you think people are “LOOKING” for ways to be offended is part of the problem. The reason people have to continue to point out gender stereotyping is because it continues to happen. I would have agreed with this list much more if it wasn’t specifically written about boys.

Also, #2? Seriously? And we wonder why we live in such a “slut-shaming” culture.

Phoebe 2 years ago

Hooray for gender stereotypes! I’ve always found the best way to keep girls away from my son (because I plan to marry him, of course) is to write about his every meal, bowel movements, and embarrassing habits on my blog (with relevant photos) for the entire Internets to see. This tends to make the girls stay away, so you shouldn’t have to worry about calling any 1st graders sluts!

Maddie 2 years ago

Whoa Nelly. You just dropped a slut-bomb on a kid? That was kind of jaw-dropping. And I tend to have an inappropriate sense of humor. Also, this list just wasn’t funny. Maybe that’s why you’re getting so much kick back? It is both offensive and unfunny and so the combination is just a lose-lose as a post overall.

Taylor 2 years ago

Wow. Slut shaming, much? Be careful you don’t use that word around children. The last thing we need is to perpetuate slut shaming/rape culture.

As for orphans…that’s a bit of an antiquated word, no? Very insensitive. Imagine losing both your parents. Now, imagine someone preferring you because, lucky for them, your parents died.

Finally, girls do most of the things you listed, too.

Megan 2 years ago

Thank you for saying this. I can’t believe this woman would have the desire to call anyone a “slut”, but a child? Scary Mommy indeed.

Christine 2 years ago

“…completely different brain chemistry”

Umm nope. They don’t – many of the gender roles taken on by children are very much socialized from birth and not at all innate. Can you direct me to a source that indicates that boys and girls have different brain chemistry?

Mama D 2 years ago

Love this! My eldest went through eight pairs of size 5 jeans…he got a hole in the right knee of every single one. And for the “things you never thought you’d find yourself saying” department, I am constantly reminding my sons that they may not practice taekwondo in the kitchen!!

Amy K. 2 years ago

Oooooohhhh… I hadn’t thought of that marrying an orphan one, but it does seem like a fine idea!

Marta 2 years ago

Ah so many of them I could relate to, all the beyblades and bakugans and legos taking over my house!

mel 2 years ago

I loved this. It is so true for me with my three boys and I appreciated the humor as well as the fact that this was actually for those with boys as so many things I find on the web seem to be more for girl’s parents. #2 is true at times because of the overprotective vibe just as my brother who has a 6 year old girl looks at any guy giving eyes to his daughter as a threat regardless of their age.

Katie 2 years ago

You know you’re a mom to a little girl when the idea of someone calling a 6-year-old girl a “slut” even in her head breaks your heart, because you’re completely aware of how that term has been used to excuse sexual violence against women and girls. Sorry if I don’t think it’s funny. It’s a horrible word, and it shouldn’t be applied to any woman, but especially not to little girls.

molly 2 years ago

Seriously? Slut shaming? Obviously this is supposed to be a funny blog post and not to be taken seriously, but way to participate in damaging women in general and society as a whole by participating in slut shaming. God forbid a little girl want to be friends with your precious son – you’ll be thinking of them as a slut if they even look at your child. Ugh.

Corina 2 years ago

I’m surprised by how upset some people are that others may not agree with everything in the article or point something out that made them uncomfortable. If something is published, it is open to comments and it should be o.k. for those to represent all points of view. The intensity and personal attacks on moms who simply hold other views tells me that not all opinions are welcome here.

Boys may exhibit different behaviors than girls for a mix of reasons, and some of these behaviors are very funny indeed. The question is to what extent do we allow them to be themselves even if those selves are not traditionally masculine. And to what extent do we believe that they can learn to care for themselves and others and be considerate and kind, or do we simply shrug our shoulders and say, “Boys will be boys.”

Our boy loves Legos, Bakugan, sports, the outdoors, Nintendo and other traditional things, but he also knows how to play with girls without bossing them around and that he’s not getting away with not picking up his toys or with being inconsiderate of others. So while I may chuckle at some of the items on the list, I also respect others’ right to express their discomfort with some of the items on the list. Peace out.

Anita @ Losing Austin 2 years ago

Love these! I’m there with almost all of them too- bleacher butt, marry an orphan dream (since I have only boys), and I can tell you who wins ever Star Wars character vs. character battle.

Nothing sweeter than a messy boy.

Momof2girls 2 years ago

:) keep it up! I enjoy your blog!!! xo

Jennifer 2 years ago

I haven’t though the orphan comment in those exact terms, but I have thought several times, “I hope he marries someone that isn’t close to their mother.” Having one of both gender I can attest that this IS something you feel differently about with sons. As a mom you are raising them to leave you and love another woman (if he isn’t gay) more than you. You are scared of that loss. It’s a weird feeling and hard to describe if you don’t just get it.

Stephanie (www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com) 2 years ago

Jenny, this is superb! I kinda like the idea of my little man marrying an orphan…

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

I didn’t mean “just enjoy” like a command, which is how it looks in writing. LOL sorry. I think we’re very much on the same page. XO

Theresa 2 years ago

I too, found myself thinking about my daughter in some of the remarks. But I do have to say that I’ve had a few discusions with my son about which super hero or villain will win and people at the store must think I’m weird for arguing with a 4yr old over things that shouldn’t matter.

Ezzie 2 years ago

LOL.. I was just thinking that 90% of that applies to my daughter! I have created a monster! She is the one that plays and fights with the boys – football, soccer, baseball and turns into mush when she sees Chanin Tatum on the big screen…lol..

Momof2girls 2 years ago

I did enjoy! You write well, I was just saying, every little girl or boy should live life and enjoy doing what they do, so long as they are making happy memories!

Shell 2 years ago

As a mom to three boys, I totally relate.

Meredith 2 years ago

Of course, my friends all call me Mer;)

and my Marley is the same way. Sassy and girly but will get down and dirty with the best of them too.

Keep on keepin on mama!

Melissa 2 years ago

#12 is how I was woken up this morning…

Jenna 2 years ago

I am totally feeling #4. We routinely pick up transformers from garage sales/ thrift stores and then Mommy had to magically transform them between their robot and vehicle modes. I am also insanely proud that I can do this better than Daddy!

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

LOL, there may be ulterior motives. I’ve slipped on many many a toy with wheels and wondered why they always seemed to find the bottom of my feet.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Thanks Mer (can I call you Mer) I feel like we tight already and yes, I do have a daughter and yes, she has her very own post! She is uber girly, with a hint of tomboy, so many of these fit her as well.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Nope, I’ll officiate.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

And you never know when there’s gonna be a test!!!

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

I say to my husband hopefully he’ll have his pants on by the time he gets married.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Brazen hussy … slut… you just use better vocabulary than I do. LOL

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

You’ll have to edit edit edit… isn’t it crazy how they can resemble pinballs in a machine?

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Argh Jane – Now you’re making me cry. It goes by so fast !!!

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

I’m sorry but the pull the legos out of your ass line gave me such a chuckle. No, I wouldn’t call a 6 year old a slut. Well, not to her face anyway!

ChristyJ 2 years ago

8 and 24 are definates.

Also, I had a teacher for a Saturday school my son wants to enroll in watch while he bounced around a school hallway like I had given him three cans of red bull and with a straight face say: “Is it not wonderful how boys just are so active.”

Once he starts this class in the fall, she is so going to be a Facebook friend.

Jennifer 2 years ago

YES! Thank you!! Mine is 9 as well and you should have seen the note he brought home from a girl in his class! “When you look at me, I’m in Heaven”. I mean, c’mon, REALLY???

Not that I really think she’s a slut, actually the term “brazen hussy” was more what came to mind.

Michele J. 2 years ago

Geez — “gender stereotyping”? I swear people LOOK for ways to be offended. This is a blog post for crying out loud. Anyway, having three boys of my own, I appreciate (and have experienced) all of these! Just found a rogue Beyblade in my purse this morning. :)

jenelle 2 years ago

I love you Samantha. That is all. :)

Holly 2 years ago

Wow I love how vicious people are when gender roles are applied.
Is it so bad for our boys to act like boys and girls to act like girls?
I can vouch being a mom of three boys but also as a daycare provider that boys and girls can be drastically different in their styles of play and interpretation of the world.
I’ve had a 4/5 girl be mad all day at one of the other kids because a toy didn’t get shared, this was through lunch, nap time and movie time! The boys get over it in 5 minutes and are playing just the same.
People need to pipe the frick down!

Stephanie N 2 years ago

I also just enjoyed this post for the trip down memory lane it took me. And I agree that people need to lighten up and enjoy the post for what it was meant to be. I have a son and daughter and definitely was not offended that it was about boys as it gave me a chance to reflect on my own son’s behaviour and laugh a bit this morning.

The part about keeping your pants on was funny. My own son strips the moment he gets in the door and there’s been a few times he’s been caught in the basement in his undies because someone has come to the front door and his pants are on the stairs or wherever he left them. I am through bailing him out and have watched him streak upstairs on a number of occasions, hoping he will finally learn…to no avail.

And bleacher butt…(sigh). With two kids in competitive sports, my butt will never be the same again.

grownandflown 2 years ago

17. May I add Animal House? Then, when your son pledges a fraternity, engaging in all kind of stupid guy behavior, you blame yourself.

Melisa 2 years ago

No kidding. It was light-hearted and meant to be fun. Lighten up people. I would have said almost every single one of these because I am a mom of all boys-no girls. How does that make it stereotyping?
I laughed through this with tears in my eyes because all the ‘annoying’ things about boys are the ones I know I’ll soon miss as I see my older boys well, getting older and my little boys growing out of them.

Practical Mama 2 years ago

I have a son and a daughter and even though some apply to both kids (e.g. #25) most apply only to my son. My daughter plays Legos as well but my son is the only one who leaves the spikiest pieces around. Along with the knowledge of all male action / hero figures, I got to learn all Disney princesses, fairies and Rainbow fairies and Lego friends. Ugh!

Ariana 2 years ago

Fun fun post! I fear my knowledge of X-Men would be totally deficient if it weren’t for my sons.

Ariana 2 years ago

I agree, posts meant to be light hearted and entertaining should be viewed from that lens. As a mother of adult sons, and now step mother to young girls, I can apply most points to my girls as well…but, when my sons all wanted to marry me, and then live next door to dad, well, there’s no way that feeling can be applied to them. And first girlfriends are hard.

Jessica 2 years ago

I would totally marry my 5 year old…. is that bad?

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

I know April… they tend to overdo it, don’t they???

Momchalant 2 years ago

YES, I LOVE this post. I wrote something similar the other day. My son is only 14 months but I’ve already experienced more than half of these and can’t wait to experience the rest.

I definitely understand the fog of fart odor.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

You can read this for girls as well. My girl post points you back to this one as many overlap… just enjoy!

JFG17 2 years ago

Agreed. Welcome, to the internet. Have you never been on this page? Please flex your political correctness elsewhere.

Brenda Mommy 2 years ago

So am I not normal when I think it’s SUPER cute that my 9 YO son was totally showing off for some visiting girls in the neighborhood-first on his bike (barefoot, with no helmet even though it’s permanent home is right there on the handlebars and he had to move it to ride the bike) then on his scooter, and then tossing a football, just to get them to notice him.
I’ve transitioned him to shorts because I can NEVER find any school pants that don’t have a hole in the knee.
And just for a little diversity my smart, athletic, 100% boy toddler loves to paint his nails just like his sister when we play spa. His current favorite toy is the cheap plastic bat I got him so he could be like his older siblings and play baseball. I can’t wait for the season to be over so we won’t have to spend our lives at the little league field anymore.

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Argh, I never got to know skylanders, but I bet I would’ve liked them…

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Please a Jane Curtain reference should be lost on no one!

Kim 2 years ago

High five Mary Beth!! Now you’ll get a comment about being a bully. Calm down people!!! It was funny

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Thanks Jess. Many of these describe my daughter as well. In my post about girls I refer you to this one, as there are many similarities. Glad you enjoyed!

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Arnebya – sooo true… lol the funny thing is in my house my daughter is the Lego queen and I picked one up this AM from my cat’s mouth… yuck!

Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 2 years ago

Thanks for reading ladies… I have another post for moms of girls where I point out that you should read the moms of boys post as well, you’d be surprised how many of them apply. So as a girl girly with a lot of tomboy in her, who has a daughter who’s pretty similar, I get it.

XO Jenny

Meredith 2 years ago

Hilarious! I am a mother of a girl(very tomboy) and a little man who we often refer to as the “tiny tornado.” I never once thought “OH MY GOOD LORD- She is leaving out the female children!” Get a grip.
I took this post to be about your son when you could even possibly have more children, possibly even girls. This is your post. About your son(s). It shouldn’t suprise me that people want to make judgement about this being sex discriminating. But it absolutely does. Really!? I swear no one can do or say anything without someone getting their panties in a wad.
I’m completely baffled.

Love the post, love your blog.

Stefanie 2 years ago

The hole in the knee jeans is driving me nuts, legos ARE evil and how in the world can 6 & 7 year old boys eat more than their body weight some days?? How will I feed them when they are teens? And while I held strongly to people being people prior to having two little boys, having two little boys showed me there certainly is a difference. I was a tomboy, I played pretty much only with boys growing up and still I was and am unprepared for many boys things occurring presently in my life.

Mamarific 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh this morning! My boy is only 2, but I can see all these things coming.

Chrissy 2 years ago

I had these same thoughts Sarah. I agree with many I these about my KID, but not because he’s a boy. I have a girl on the way and many still apply. Nothing like a little gender stereotyping.

Nancy T 2 years ago

Right??? It’s called humor people, and for those of us who have only boys it’s pretty damn funny. Lighten up…

AprilD 2 years ago

Agreed.

Love this post! I have 4 boys (1 girl) and this cracked me up. Esp. #15! And #22. Three of my boys are teenagers now and the teen boy fug is in full effect at my house! Sadly…. Axe makes it smell so much worse!!

Mary Beth 2 years ago

I would also like to add I think my kids are using match box cars to try and kill me. They leave them in my bathtub, and in front of the doors. My house is pretty much booby trapped like the Home Alone house.

Marnie 2 years ago

Hilarious and oh-so-true! I’m the mom to two boys and my MIL had two boys…she’s always warning me how hard it is once they get married, as you’re the outsider mom. DAMN!

Thanks for the laugh!

Annette 2 years ago

It started at 4 around here. I only know because that was when I had to start buying new pants for boy #2 to wear to church because there were no suitable hand-me-downs.

Mary Beth 2 years ago

You guys are LAME and no sense of humor, I really hope you haven’t procreated.

Micah 2 years ago

My son is only 6 months and I know I have these things to look forward to. Oh…and I’m a GIRL and I liked barbies, hated getting dirty, hated bugs, loved Cinderella and not Power Rangers. So not ALL girls are like boys. I get what you’re saying Jenny. People need to lighten up and take a joke. I found it funny (even the slut thing, because I’ll probably think this when he gets older and girls start coming around). And the orphan thing? Heck yeah! He only needs ONE mama. Not two! 😉 Thanks for giving me things to look forward to as he gets older! lol

Mesha 2 years ago

My god, some of you are just ridiculous! The premise behind this whole website is being able to share how you feel with other scary mommies with no judgment. Also these bloggers are putting themselves out there to make us smile or laugh, not to be shot down as we are all (supposedly) like minded and have an open sense of humor.This is her dang blog post.. Did it not dawn on you that this could be her truth? Perhaps she has only raised boys? Why should the title of her post be all inclusive? And in regards to the ‘slut’ or ‘orphan’ ones, it’s about feeling crazy protective over your little boy and not wanting him to get hurt and also not wanting to lose him/share him. (There was a blog earlier about your boy getting married one day and moving away to be closer to HER mother) The protectiveness is no different than what you’ll feel towards your daughters when they start dating and being able to be, potentially, hurt by boys. But really, get a grip.. or maybe consider that you’re reading the wrong blog if you’re that easily offended…

Annette 2 years ago

As a mom of both sexes, I couldn’t agree more! Boys and girls have completely different brain chemistry. Why can’t we celebrate those differences instead of getting our panties twisted?

Micah 2 years ago

THANK YOU!! Some people cannot take a joke. Like she really thinks a 6 year old is a slut. C’mon.

Erika 2 years ago

There definitely seems to be an age at which boys start destroying the knees of their pants. I think it’s about 6. My 7 year old’s pants are all holey, but my 5 year old’s are not (except for the ones that he cut with scissors once, of course). I have four boys now, so I’m sure I’ll have time to test the holey knees age theory.

Kristy 2 years ago

I so get #2! I must be horrible because that’s the first thing that pops in my head when my 9 year old is being made googly eyes at by all the girls..lol

Jody 2 years ago

Thank you Jenny. I appreciate your humor and understand it as well. Love being a mom of boys, though it was never how I saw myself when I was growing up. #21 is hilarious when I think about the CRAZY MIL’s I’ve known or heard about!

Rachel 2 years ago

HEAR HEAR!!!

Rachel 2 years ago

I agree with you, 100% I had the orphan thought just yesterday and my son is 18months.

Samantha 2 years ago

Hot damn, are people crabby today!
I was a tomboy as a child and yes, most of these apply to how I was too. She’s coming from her own experience, and meant it as humor. And with the whole slut thing, are you saying you’re never going to internally think a boy is an ass when he’s checking out your daughter? I know I sure would.
Calm the f down, and take some things in stride. How would you like it if you wrote a blog and people just tore you down about it, even though it was your own personal feeling?

K.M. OSullivan 2 years ago

I call foul (but with a grin).

My first two boys barely make this list understandable to me. They ignored LEGOS. They had to be forced to go outside (they chose the indoor sport of fencing). They would rather read a book than do just about anything else.

Then I had baby boy three and he is this list and then some. I am certain “bleacher butt” will become a permanent thing.

Debbie 2 years ago

Hi Jenny. Having only girls with one a tomboy I do understand. And having 3 brothers myself. i now have 3 grandsons and loving seeing the difference. Boys also are more easy going and laid back. Everything isn’t a crisis for them. What i have heard though you left one thing out. That would be, “There is never any food in the house, because they eat everything they can get there hands on.”

Jane 2 years ago

One of my ‘little boys’ will be 17 tomorrow the other 16 in July and I am stunned to see that I actually miss most, but not all, of that stuff, I could rebuild a transformer, knew exactly what Power Ranger did what and who’s moves belonged to whom in WWE. I remember standing under that tree, and those days at the ER are a lot more inbetween, thankfully, never thought the idea of a finger where it shouldn’t be would bring back so many memories, thanks for reminding me :) and excuse me while I shed a little tear for my little boys who have grown up so fast.

Margaret 2 years ago

Wow-way to take one mama’s celebration of all things boy, and make it a firestorm! Geez! I have sons, and I couldn’t agree more with Jenny. Strangely, anytime I have discussed the “boys are different than girls” topic, the only folks that get rabidly defensive are the mamas that only have girls. I have both boys and girls, and I can tell you, they are simply wired differently. Not better or worse, just different, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all!!

Momof2girls 2 years ago

I loved everything about this except that its only about boys. My girl does roughly all of this. And I’m sure my youngest will too. We just got our 8 year old daughter a BB gun, too. It’s not about gender, it’s about being an inquisitive child, being happy and making memories.

Julie 2 years ago

Legos are the worst, Ironman would win, and what about the SKYLANDERS. YOU FORGOT THE SKYLANDERS!

Jack 2 years ago

“Jane you ignorant slut!”

Might be showing my age with that remark, but hopefully a couple of folks will catch the reference.

I am a “boy” and I still love doing most of the stuff you listed here. Some of my favorite moments come watching the looks my daughter and friends sometimes give my son and I.

It is that “what the hell are they doing” expression. Even more fun when daughter decides to join in, she may be a girly girl at times but she likes to do the “boy stuff” too.

Spent plenty of time watching her play soccer.

Jessica 2 years ago

While reading I found myself thinking more of my daughter than my son too… that being said, this was Jenny’s story, Jenny’s words, Jenny’s thoughts, not mine, not anyone else’s. While you don’t have to agree with her opinions and thoughts, being blantatly rude and even slightly condesending is childish and really just uncalled for…

Jen 2 years ago

Ugh, pull the legos out of your ass! It is called ‘humor’, and if you can’t find it, leave this website.

Sarah 2 years ago

I find the word slut incredibly serious and divisive, so yes, I will leave a comment.

And she did say this was for boys. You know, in the title, when she said “Ways to know you have a boy” (as opposed to a girl is implied by the fact that typically people assume there are two sexes).

Arnebya 2 years ago

Everything doesn’t have to be taken so seriously, Sarah and Katherine. I don’t take this post to be divisive at all. In fact, like you, I noted that many of these could be attributable to my girls as much (or, often, more) as my son. But I didn’t feel the need to purposely leave a comment to make the author feel badly, like she was saying this is for boys/this is for girls. If she changed the title to “Things My Son Does That Let Me Know He’s [whatever age]” would you still take issue (or would you then say she was discriminating against other ages?)

Jenny: Oh, #4. BY MEMORY I can transform a Transformer in ways my boy (because he’s the one who plays with them, not that girls can’t (also, sheesh!)) never imagined. And #11 (while yes, it does apply to more than Lego, people who are not Jenny and don’t get her angle) reminds me of the time my mother threw away our Weeble Wobbles. Them, her foot. Ungood.

Katherine 2 years ago

I can’t say it better than Sarah did, but I want to give her a +1.

These are ways to know you have a child, how ridiculous to portray climbing treees, playing with Lego, and doing sports as “boy” things. And as for #25, surely you know that’s a feeling that any (decent) parent understands, it has nothing to do with the sex of the child.

And if you really have the urge to call a 6 or 16 year old a “slut”, you have bigger problems than being overprotective of your son.

Sarah 2 years ago

You know, pretty much all of these could apply to having a girl as well. As a kid I chased the snakes while my brother ran away. Same is true with my husband. I catch snakes, he vanishes. I got more bleacher butt watching my sister play soccer than my brother wrestle (matches take less time). I never owned pants without knee holes growing up. Stickiness, being accident-prone, playing with legos… those apply to both sexes. Riding the dog and stripping in public are sins of both sexes of toddlers. I’ll tell my girls to defend themselves. Girls like video games and “The Three Amigos”.

Oh, and #2 a #21? Those are strange.