I am not a brave mother by any stretch. If I can’t figure out a way to hit an appointment sans the kiddos, I don’t go. Something must be wrong with my 3 1/2 yr. old and my 1 1/2 yr. old because they won’t sit calmly and patiently through an entire dental appointment while the hygienist repeatedly attacks my teeth with the waterpik?
But my carefully crafted plan of maintaining a large toddler-free bubble around any of Mommy’s appointments was burst last week. Something came up and I had to get to myself to the doctor rather last-minute. With no child care options in sight, I threw the kids in the minivan and we jetted off.
Now I am not saying that I’m itching for a repeat, but listen, if you find yourself in these shoes it isn’t ALL bad. Obviously, you will promise yourself the largest glass of welcome-home wine in history if you actually survive the ordeal, but here are a few positives you can focus on while actively restraining yourself from frustratedly beating your head against the wall if you hit up a doctor’s appointment with some little cherubs in tow…
1. You will not get bored in the waiting room. In fact, count chasing the kids around the office as your workout and give Jillian Michaels the day off.
2. If your children are wild enough, the staff may even start to panic that your kids will totally destroy the office and call you back into your appointment more quickly.
3. Forget the scale. Chances are, if you are juggling a large diaper bag, a screaming baby, and toddler who is beelining for the spinny seat at the nurse’s station, you can just give the nurse That Look and get an easy pass on the weigh-in.
4. If this doesn’t happen, you are officially justified in grouchy glaring at the nurse for the rest of the appointment.
5. The doctor will be so shaken by the “energy” of your children, she will probably prescribe whatever the medication you want.
6. Similarly, now is the time to stock up on Ambien. The kids are working hard here to support your claim that “Mommy is tired”. The doctor may even offer up a lifetime IV supply.
7. When the doctor hands you your shiny new prescription, you can just whip out That Look again, and she’ll just quickly send it over to the pharmacy. Not that trolling around Target waiting for it to get filled with two kids who are now way overdue for naptime wouldn’t be super fun…
8. Since WedMD has made you smarter than your doctor, when she suggests coming back in 3 weeks and you don’t think it’s really necessary or feel like fronting another copay, you can just pretend you didn’t hear her because the kids were screaming.
9. When you are swinging through the drive-through to deliver on the promised chicken nuggets you bribed your kids with, you can pick up a treat for yourself and justify it as a matter of convenience.
10. Bragging rights. Go ahead and work it, Momma. Casually drop “When I had my kids with me at the doctor last week…” in conversation as much as possible. You don’t need to mention that it was Hell on Earth. Just saying this will give you major street cred and leave other parents in awe that you actually managed to pull this one off. Heck, even write a blog post about it.