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05 · 13 · 2012

Here’s to Us

Here’s to mothers who bravely waited until the bus rounded the corner to burst into tears.

Here’s to mothers who have bandaged imaginary boo-boos and applied ice packs for tummy aches.

Here’s to mothers who have fished poop out of bathtubs, pellet by pellet, without so much as gagging.

Here’s to mothers who have slept in twin beds or on hardwood floors, just to be within an arm’s reach of their needy child.

Here’s to mothers who have been away for days, missing their children so badly they could taste it, only to arrive home completely unnoticed.

Here’s to mothers who wonder if the teenage babysitter is a better mother than they are.

Here’s to mothers who have given up their un-licked ice cream cone, because their child’s fell flat on the sidewalk.

Here’s to mothers who let their children dress themselves and hope with all their might that the rest of the world is aware of that fact.

Here’s to mothers who bite their tongues instead of saying “I told you so” when their children so deserve it.

Here’s to mothers who find their expensive hair products poured down the drain and their brushes filled with plastic doll hair.

Here’s to mothers who wear evidence of their children, not only under their clothing, but on it as well.

Here’s to mothers who are ecstatic to find a worm or spot a garbage truck in action, even though they find both disgusting.

Here’s to mothers who want to both fast forward and rewind time all in the span of ten minutes…

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05 · 13 · 2012

Odds and Ends

My book tour is officially over, with just a few local stops left. It’s been a blast, but I am thrilled to be returning to my couch and yoga pants, where I really belong.

While I was in NYC last week, I filmed a segment for Better TV, which will air this Thursday May 17…

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You have, by now, probably seen Time Magazine’s latest cover. I thought it would be funny to make a mock cover illustrating the absurdity of the attention grabbing scene. So I did. I posted it on my Facebook page and took a shower. When I came back, I read through the comments. Comments like this:

“Formula feeding IS harmful for babies. Breast is best.”

“Unbelievable. SOME of us did not have another choice. Let’s add one more load of guilt on women who constantly worry that their every decision is damaging their children.”

“So, I’m a bad mom because I work? Thought I liked you, Scary Mommy. Unfollowing now.”

You know how it sucks to tell a joke and then have to explain the punchline? Um, yeah. For the record, I am a working mom. I formula fed all of my kids and my boys are circumcised. If a cover like that were actually published, (which, given the fact that half of the people thought it was real, doesn’t seem all that far-fetched,) I would be the ultimate failure of a mother. I thought that was clear.

The original Time cover is absurd and does little other than pit mother against mother over the most personal of choices. No, even if I could, I would not breastfeed my almost four year old. Most mothers wouldn’t. But, that’s not the point. The point is that we should not allow a magazine to divide us like this. Time knew exactly the effect this cover would have on the nation and it succeeded beautifully. News shows are all over it, Twitter is abuzz and it’s the top story in every paper. Mothers verses mothers, once again. Well played, Time, this will surely be one of the best selling issues of the year…

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05 · 15 · 2012

Sex & the Intruder

I blame The Good Wife. A rerun no less. In my mind, our precious little girl’s loss of innocence is the direct result of a steamy, sexy elevator scene in this television drama, a scene my husband and I spontaneously chose to act out in our family room one evening. Potential lawsuit? Doubtful. Potential therapy highlight? Let’s just say we’ll be adding some money to her future therapy fund.

“Mommy! Daddy! Where are your clothes?” giggled the intruder, our daughter of eight years. Typically, the only intruders in our sex life are the insidious thoughts rattling around my brain; thoughts of the many things I could be doing with that precious free time. Updating Quicken or reading about the latest celebrity couplings on People.com come to mind. Those and thoughts of what to have as a late night snack after we’re done. Is that wrong?

Perhaps it won’t be surprising to you that our sex life, save for a brief, heated tryst in the stairwell of Macy’s department store last year (got your attention now haven’t I?), is of the once-a-week between the sheets variety. Satisfying? Yes. Connecting? Absolutely. Toe curling? Only occasionally…

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