Do you, like many moms, struggle with constant, nagging worry that drags you into a vortex of swirling thoughts about the correct ratio of vegetables to Goldfish and whether your child has ADHD or is just “spirited”? Never fear. Here are ten phrases that will fool everyone around you into thinking you’re a Zen master, or that you’ve finally started drinking before noon.
1. “That’s cool.”
This is an all-purpose saying. Use it when your kids eat the Play-Doh, or when your toddler gnaws off the remote control sensor. Just saying it makes you sound relaxed. And like a popular high school kid. Hated those kids. Moving on.
2. “No problemo.”
The slangy, fun vibe of this comment will really make you seem fun and chillaxed. This is a good one to use when you’re informed that, due to a lice outbreak, preschool will be closed for a week. Make sure to say it with a smile. No, that’s a grimace. Try again.
3. “Whatever doesn’t kill you!”
This cute shorthand reference to “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is certain to get some laughs and knowing nods from other super-confident, laid back, stable moms who never race home to launder every sheet in their home after hearing that hand-foot-and-mouth disease is making the rounds in first grade.
4. “I’m not too worried.”
This phrase, which will make your long-suffering husband look at you like you have sprouted an extra head, is a foolproof way to seem like the Fonzie of moms. Use it when you don’t know where the baby is on the playground, as you calmly scan the parking lot and calmly scream at your kids to help you find the baby, dammit.
5. “Life is too short to worry about that!”
It’s even shorter when you contract a horrible illness and die because you failed to disinfect your children’s clothes after they played in the swamplike pond in your neighbor’s yard. But don’t kill anyone else’s buzz by getting your panties in a wad about it.
6. “Why the long face?”
Ask your kids this when they fall off the playset and as you drive them to the hospital to have their broken tibia set. Couple it with a chuck under the chin with whatever hand you’re not using to frantically dial your husband at work and your mom to come meet you and take the other kids home for dinner.
7. “Easy peasy.”
This is a cute, appealing adjective that you can use whenever you want. Nothing for dinner and your kids brought two friends home with them? Easy peasy, you’ll just make some … pasta. With butter. Or cream cheese, since you’re out of butter. No problemo. And relatedly …
8. “Whip up.”
This is an adorable little way to indicate that you’re just going to cook something delicious with no planning, in a fun and spontaneous way befitting a mom as supercool as yourself. A favorite is coq au vin. And a chocolate soufflé. It’s not your fault things come so effortlessly to you.
9. “No worries.”
Use this one any time you’re consumed with gnawing worry, to throw others off the scent of your raw fear. For example, your boss needs a powerpoint by tomorrow but your kid has started throwing up and your husband is traveling. No worries! See how much better you feel?
10. “Tomorrow’s another day.”
This one is always true, and always reassuring. Use it when your mother-in-law comes to stay for a week. Oh wait, it doesn’t work there. No problemo. Where’s the Xanax again?
Related post: I’m a Lazy Mom, and I’m Not Apologizing