10 Things Moms of Boys Must Do


If you could see my uterus, it’s probably blue. And has a beard. Why? Because this baby factory only makes boys.

This fact was a little bit of a cosmic joke, because prior to birthing a domain full of dudes (four, to be exact), I was a total girl’s girl. Makeup, exfoliation, perfume, cute shoes. Fruity drinks instead of whiskey shots. Risk breaking a nail? No thank you. Bugs and worms: ewwwwww.

But being the mother of a male – whether one or many – changes you. It doesn’t mean you have to give up your girly ways (in fact, it’s probably more necessary than ever to preserve at least some of them), but parenting someone of the opposite sex can bring challenges that you’ve just got to adapt to.

So if you’re pregnant with a baby boy, know someone who is, or have a very young boy that’s still more babyish than boyish, I’ve compiled a list of helpful prerequisites to being a boy’s mom.

You’re welcome.

1. You must love bath time. And by “bath time” I don’t mean you yourself sitting there in a candle-lit bathroom with an inflatable pillow and a tub full of luxurious rose-scented suds. I mean you must love giving baths, because boys require a lot of them. You must be prepared for drenching splashes, a wet-dog smell, a soaked floor, and tons of dirty towels. Same when they get old enough to take a shower by themselves – except then, there’s the added “bonus” of the wet-dog smell lingering after they’re done, even though the body wash is disappearing like they’re eating it. Unless you stand at the door and remind them twenty times to use soap … everywhere!


(PS – don’t buy expensive body wash.)

2. You must think farts are funny. By the grace of God, I was born with this toilet-humor-loving trait, so I have had a pretty easy time dealing with this aspect. Boys think farts are funny: period. And the way you handle that can determine your stress level. If you laugh with them, you’ll all benefit. If you try to get them to stop laughing about it, it will only make things worse. Just stress that there are appropriate times and places to let one rip (i.e., not during the silent part of church or while eating at a restaurant) and you’ll be good to go. Even if you personally don’t find farts humorous (in which case, I’m wondering why you’re on my blog), you have to learn to tolerate those who do. Because there’ll be a lot of that going on.

3. You must be prepared for constant – CONSTANT – battle with the toilet. From the time I found out I was expecting my first boy, I was dead-set on one thing: teaching him to use the toilet properly. You know, putting the seat down and stuff. Common courtesy. I have always been a straight-up dictator diligent with my sons when it comes to that, because one of my fears is that they grow up to be men who don’t put the seat down. Ick. But despite my best efforts, there’s always something. One remembers to put the seat down, but not to flush. One remembers to flush, but doesn’t close the lid. One leaves toilet paper in weird places, like hanging out of the bowl or on the floor (WTF?). And they all sprinkle when they tinkle. I am forever reminding them to aim! Flush! Put the seat down! Close the lid! And then to add insult to injury, I have to clean it. It’s seriously exhausting to keep a clean toilet when there’s a boy (or a few) using it.

4. You must rethink your standards of “safety.” Okay, nobody call child protective services on me – I’m not talking about letting your kids ride without a car seat or letting them play with a lighter. But think about the mom you know (and we all know at least one) who sterilizes her kid’s pacifiers and bottles religiously. The mom who hovers endlessly and gasps loudly when her precious snowflake takes a teensy-weensy tumble. You know that mom? Yeah. You can’t be that mom when you have a boy, because boys are just rough. They jump off of things and slide down things and climb up things and roll and tumble and tackle and leap and pounce and run. ALL THE TIME. They taste dirt and kitty litter and glue and hardened gum from beneath park benches and restaurant tables just out of curiosity (I mean, one of my boys ate candy that had been peed on). They try to ride their bikes, scooters, and skateboards faster than everyone else … and try to out-jump everyone else on trampolines. And if you’ve got multiple boys? Fuhgeddaboutit. They do all that plus wrestle, and occasionally get into full-blown knock-down drag-out fights.


Just stock up on Band-Aids and look the other way for a little bit. For your own sanity.

5. You must not be surprised at drama. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “Oh, you’re so lucky – boys are way less dramatic than girls.” … Really? Because my boys are as dramatic as they come. There is plenty of stomping, eye rolling, sobbing, shouting, door slamming, and general sassiness going on around this place. I don’t know why everybody thinks boys are naturally easy-going, respectful, agreeable creatures. It must be because my sons’ dramatic outbursts are over “legit” things … like me not letting them use my good earphones, or getting relegated to “Player 2″ on the XBox. Right? Recently, my eight-year-old “hated this house and all his brothers” after a burping contest escalated. And after tripping over his shoelace, my Kindergartner flattened himself out on the floor and wailed, complete with tears, “This world is too dangerous for someone like meeeeeee!”

Don’t ever let someone tell you that you’re lucky because boys aren’t dramatic. Seriously. They have no idea.

6. You must be prepared for messes. Sometimes I go slightly insane at the condition of my house. But unless you can afford to hire a full-time housekeeper, messes are just something you’ll have to deal with. And I’m not talking about just clutter from toys. No matter how often you yell and threaten tell them, boys are just not that conscientious about tracking in mud, or grass clippings, or getting toothpaste all over the place, or spilling milk and then maaaaybe half-assed wiping it up with, say, the corner of the tablecloth. (And the boys’ toilet? See #3.) Boys will also wipe boogers on walls and carpets and slop food all over the place like pigs at a trough. This isn’t due to lack of coaching; trust me, I feel like I spend 75% of my waking moments preaching about keeping things neat and tidy. (I spend the other 25% cleaning up the messes that result when my preaching goes in one ear and out the other.)


All of this intensifies with multiple boys and/or a visit from multiple friends. Which brings us to the next prerequisite …

7. You must have a lot of food on hand at all times. I was so fooled by this one. Because when your kids are really little, they eat virtually nothing, and you think, “I sure am glad my kids aren’t big eaters!” And then they get to this stage where – holy crap – did he just inhale those scrambled eggs? My tiny, twig-like eight-year-old will annihilate a man-sized portion of breakfast and complain that he’s still hungry. And they always. Want. To snack. My refrigerator opens every five minutes when the kids are home. (And in between those five-minute spans, they’re raiding the cabinets.) We spend enough at the grocery store every month to make me feel faint in the checkout line, and we still run out. These little eating machines are like a pack of hungry locusts – and when one has something, they ALL want their own. I can’t wait until they’re all teenagers!*

*Note the sarcasm. I can totally wait. I need time to find a few more jobs and take out a second mortgage so we can almost afford the grocery bill.

8. You must be prepared to go through LOTS. And LOTS. Of JEANS. I have written several blog posts about this very subject because seriously? Four boys later and I am still utterly astonished at how fast they can ruin a seemingly-sturdy pair. Denim is supposed to be this rugged fabric, and it may work for lumberjacks, but it’s no match for the crawling, scraping, staining, and scooting of little boys. I find this ironic, though, because …

9. You must be cool with nudity. I don’t know how my boys go through so many pairs of jeans because, hell, it isn’t like they wear them at home. In fact, it isn’t like they wear anything at home. In my experience, from the time they are physically able to remove their own clothing, they will. My boys start stripping down the instant they get home from school. Sometimes they lounge around in their underwear, and sometimes they forego the underwear altogether.


Which brings us to my very last piece of advice …

10. You must get used to “The Grab.” I’m talking about the penis. The wiener. The tallywhacker. The wee-wee, the pee-pee, the goods, whatever term you use. They are going to grab it every chance they get (see #9 for an approximate estimation of just how many chances they get). Your adorable infant son will reach down to grab his as soon as you take his diaper off, and in my nine years of experience mothering boys, it doesn’t stop after that. They’ll pull on it, stretch it, flick it, anywhere, any time they can get access to it. They’ll do it in the bathtub and while watching TV. I have literally been forced to utter the phrase “Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.” They do it in a way someone might, say, bite their nails or twiddle their thumbs: automatically, absentmindedly, innocently, frequently. After a while, you won’t even notice.

… You’ll probably be too busy cleaning up messes or shopping for new jeans.

Related post: The 10 Best Things About Having All Boys


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

    • 2

      Mymy says

      4 boys here too. And it’s so true what she wrote, I laugh a lot. But I had a little surprise there 14 months ago, a little girl in the fifth, it’s different haha and his brothers take much care and love so much her.

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      • 3

        Avril says

        4 boys here and as a ‘reward’ my 5th was a girl.
        They are all grown now and I am grandma to … you’ve guessed it… a boy.

        Everything you write above is true (buy shares in a grocery chain is my advice), however I looked forward to being a girly mom again after having my only girl. Forget it – she was the worst tomboy on the planet and had 1 dad and 4 ‘fathers’ which she did/does not appreciate. I can tell you tales about boyfriends being brought home and being chased away, yes really.

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        • 4

          Jen Wiegele says

          We have SIX boys In our house amd I actually prefer that they leave the seat up- both of them. Some of the boys are apparently too exhausted from playing and can’t even lift the seat up to pee. This results in lots of errant dribbles and a wet posterior when mommy needs to use the potty. I’ll put it down myself if it means it will be dry!

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          • 5

            Kearstan says

            I know your pain. I have three boys. After a long car ride, I often have to make a mad dash to the bathroom to pee. I got tired of having to make a split second decision of whether bi want to hover or take the time to clean it up. So, about the toilet seat I posted a “lift seat before you pee” sign. I haven’t had a problem since. I also make it a point to leave clorox wipes on the back of the toilet, as well.

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          • 6

            Colleen says

            I’m a mother of three adult boys and one teenage boy. I’ve never had a problem with a messy bathroom or toilet. It’s all in the training. Just because they can stand to urinate doesn’t mean they have to! My husband and I trained our boys to sit down at home and stand up when using a public toilet.

            Additionally, they all know how to clean the house because they’ve been taught and expected to share in the responsibility. Stop cleaning up after your boys messes and teach them how to do it! They’ll learn to be neater and your future daughter-in-law will thank you.

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          • 7

            Nick says

            As a Father of 7; 4 boys, 3 girls, I have to say I feel REALLY sorry for the emasculation of your boys. I have NEVER sought to judge another parent and their parenting quirks, but teaching a boy to ‘sit down and pee like a girl’ is sick and wrong. Also – do you not understand that this is a blog written by a good writer who is dramatically illustrating some funny truths of life? I doubt her bathroom is ALWAYS a peed on mess; but it can feel that way at times. Just like I doubt her boys are ALWAYS running around with forks on their wankers. Hyperbole – it’s a great tactic for entertaining writing especially when commenting on the crazy things of life. (Does your husband also sit on the pot when he tinkles? U must have quite the lock box.)

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          • 8

            C Prestons says

            I beg to differ mom is NOT emasculating her male children by teaching them to sit to do their business. as a mom of two boys, my first couldn’t pee sitting down,(he had a long term bladder lining inflamation, His brother always went sitting down until he went off to kindergarten and grade one. There father is comfortable either way and definitely sits when heads to the loo in the middle of the night half asleep. Nothing unmasculine about any of them.

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          • 9

            Jessica says

            Nick, what is wrong with you?? In what way does sitting on a toilet make someone less of a man? Colleen never said, as you quoted, that she taught them to “sit down and pee like a girl”. YOU said that it’s feminine, not her. Then you call her parenting techniques “sick and wrong”, because her boys don’t spray urine all over her bathroom? You know what’s sick and wrong? The fact that you would teach your sons that their masculinity depends on something so trivial as the position they take when they pee.

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          • 10

            Naomi says

            Oh, this is so my house. I have five boys (four of whom are within 2 1/2 years of each other) and the younger four have a tendency to be lazy and not lift the seat when they pee… my pet hate is rushing to the toilet (because let’s face it, I am usually in a rush due to being distracted by the million things that I realise need doing on the way to the bathroom) and sitting in their pee.

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          • 11

            Naomi says

            And I have one child who has to be taken to the toilet during the night half asleep, and he always sits down when I take him at night, because he can’t focus, with his eyes shut, to aim his pee. There is nothing emasculating about teaching a child to pee while sitting… sometimes young children don’t know if they want to pee or poo and it’s easier to let them sit until they learn the difference.

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          • 12

            deb says

            This is to Nick’s comment further down – READ carefully, she never says she wants them to pee sitting down!. She wants them to aim and put the seat down when they are done!

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          • 14

            Charlotte says

            “As a Father of 7; 4 boys, 3 girls, I have to say I feel REALLY sorry for the emasculation of your boys. I have NEVER sought to judge another parent and their parenting quirks, but teaching a boy to ‘sit down and pee like a girl’ is sick and wrong”

            Pardon me if I’m reading this wrong but you have JUST JUDGED another parent ^^^

            My son has a broken leg at the moment and must sit down to pee. It makes him no less “masculine” and it’s far less messy!!

            Great blog post overall.Boys will be boys will be boys. My second was a girl, but often she is as rough as my son. I’m surprised she is not the one with broken limbs lol

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          • 16

            Irene says

            I agree entirely with Colleen and, since some of the guys in this thread are confused, you don’t have to stand to pee. Some guys think they must… apparently because they think it’s more “manly”? But if you choose to do so, then at least have the good manners to put the seat back down. Don’t make the world babysit you. In an ideal world, we’d all just sit and nobody would have to touch the nasty toilet seat. Your need to be “manly”, in your own mind, when peeing when nobody can even see you, is why the seat has to be moved at all.

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          • 17

            Tracye says

            Since when was sitting to pee a “girly way” to go to the bathroom? It totally beats the uncontrollable sprinkler of piss first thing in the morning and in the middle of the night and I also don’t think that a boy wiping his penis is a bad idea either. Beats the embarrassing piss spot that most men wear as a badge of honor after leaving public restrooms.

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          • 18

            David says

            Nick, you’ve got mental problems if you think sitting to pee is somehow wrong. I’m sure you’ve peed barefoot and/or wearing just shorts. What is that you feel on your feet and legs? It’s pee. I don’t care how good your aim, it splashes out. I am a single dad who raised a boy. Nobody is cleaning up after me, I have to do it. I don’t feel like coating my bathroom floor with pee, not to mention my feet, legs, pants, or shoes. I taught my son to sit to pee. Somehow he still managed to be an all conference football player, get married, father a child, be a police officer, and, well, not be very girly. Nick, you sir need to rethink your priorities.

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        • 19

          maylynn chartrand says

          With 4 girls and now a new baby boy … I am blown away by this article and all the commentary! I wannna reply to everybody almost…ha …. with gratitude for their precious insight. I am baffled by some of the similarities between boys and girls tho’. I’m with Jen if it means I’ll be dry, because when I sit on any’one else’s pee I turn into ‘one scarey Mommy’. it sounds like it’s all fun and games raising boys. With girls, in my experience (the eldest is 25 and the Youngest is 5) it seems sweeter, softer, gentler is not all girls can be! My Son! I am gonna need alot of humour and insight to keep my sanity through this one ….(lmfao)…. on the subject of boys and their pee-pee’s and having their hands on it …. could it be why my lil guy cries when has to pee….. he can’t get his hands on it. So the diaper impedes this ‘natural reflex/instinct’?

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          • 20

            Sonia Curtis says

            @ Maylynn …
            If he’s crying every time he pee’s, I’d be seeing a Dr and getting him checked for a UTI. I have a boy … he LOVES his penis! … but he’ never cried when he’s pee’d … but the second the nappy (I’m Australian) was removed, the hands where down there like a shot! I also have a grandson … and he’s exactly the same. I’ve never know a kid who wants to pee on his own hand … they just like to play with the hose! … and they’re not born with the natural instinct to hold their penis when they pee … hell, I still have to remind my 4.5yr old to hold his and aim when he’s using the toilet! Otherwise, he’ll just stand there, rubbing his face or tummy with both hands and his pelvis thrust forward … “Um, No son … Hold that thing and aim for the water!!!!” I hate the sound of pee on the porcelain … I’m never sure if it’s going in the bowl … or all over it!!! Ahhh … they joys of boys! – See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-moms-of-boys-must-do/#comment-339849

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          • 22

            JimmyJohns says

            Riddle me this… If guys pee standing up and girls pee sitting down, why is it that boys catch grief over not putting the seat down? Maybe the girls should learn to put the seat back up, the way they found it.

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        • 23

          patti govero says

          Haha! You’re living my life! No prissiness for my baby girl with 4 older brothers! Though she’s 13, and starting to enjoy a little girlyness, I never got to play with baby dolls and Barbies with my little tomboy! It’s ok, one day she will be a mom, and we’ll have a lot more in common! I do have to say, I had 2 drama kings out of those 4 boys, but NOTHING compared to a girl!

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    • 25

      M.L.S. says

      I have two girls and a boy. Honestly most of these things apply to girls as well. They don’t play with their penis but other than that… it’s pretty much the same thing. My girls are girly and love make up and dress up, but you best believe if they see s frog or worm it’s going to be snuck in my house. And one has literally stated stripping naked in Apple bees and get favorite past time is booger eating& picking! It’s a very cute post and totally true but not just for boys.

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      • 26

        Amy says

        I have 4 girls and 1 boy and I totally agree! :) And most of my girls love ripping a fart. LOL! I am so thankful, though, that #3 has NEVER applied to my boy. He is almost 12, so maybe later? I don’t know how I got so lucky!

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      • 27

        all girl househole says

        I was one of three girls, and we were like that, even the girls who are now careful of their nails and hair had most of the traits. We loved creepy crawlies, nudity, baths and I’m surprised we didn’t kill ourselves with our activities! The number of times mum would shout at us to ‘go outside to play like that’ I’m surprised she didn’t lose her voice! But I hate Farts, the others think they are kinda funny.

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        • 28

          Irene says

          THANK YOU!!! All of these behaviors just describe kids. They are all monkeys until their parents civilize them, and that is always long and hard work. Little girls aren’t born cleaning up after themselves either. Jon seems to think they are, which might explain why the mommy who wrote this blog is so skilled at it. Somewhere, somebody is probably raising the future wife of one of your sons. How much effort do you want those parents to put into that job? So much effort that your son won’t deserve her, so she’ll instead marry a gentleman, while your son marries a woman who tells fart jokes and is always nude except when the maid she used his money to hire is cleaning the house? Any parent can raise a monkey. You just sit back and pretend your child will always be little.

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      • 29


        Agreed. Charming as this is, I get a bit tired of the “girl vs boy” thing. Girls are messy and tough and gross, boys are emotional and imaginative and affectionate. We don’t really need to build little boxes for them based on what they grab when they’re sticking their hands down their pants.

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        • 30

          Grackle says

          Agreed. If your boys are asking a certain way it’s because of how you raised them and the culture we live in, not because “boys” and “girls” have some magical fundamental difference….er, besides the obvious.

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          • 31

            Jon says

            why don’t you try injecting yourself with some testosterone, and then come back and tell me again how there’s no difference between boys and girls, except the obvious. (And I’m not talking about the physical changes you experience. You’ll notice marked difference in your behavior and emotions.)

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          • 32

            shannon flanigan says

            I disagree, my brothers are certainly different then my sisters and we were all raised the same they were never treated differently…. And my son is so rough and tumble its insane he is very very different then my girls that way… not saying my girls cant be rough and tumble at times but certainly nowhere the level he is at constantly.

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        • 34

          MandyC says

          Erm, I am not sure the author of the article was trying to do a boys vs. girl comparison. I think she has four boys and zero daughters and it writing the article from that point of view. It would have been just as charming if written about two daughters, one son, a green alien monster baby, and a gold fish. What gets old is reading comments that that make something out of absolutely nothing. This is not gender stereotyping… it is just funny and cute.

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        • 35

          Estrogen filled house says

          Thanks fellow moms of girls for reassuring me I’m not the only one who feels the need to put this thing in a little perspective. As a mom of 4 girls-only girls- and a sister to only brothers, these gender based articles are a big pet peeve of mine. Sorry Scarymommy, I have spent hours LMAO on this website but this one is disappointing and in need of serious revising. Kids are kids: they all love mud they all hang from the rafters, the toilets in my girls’ bathroom go for days being unflushed, toilet paper is optional, girls’ room’s smells like a lockerrooms and they all have genitals. Maybe as a mom of only boys it doesn’t occur to you that parents of girls have farting contests at their dinner tables too or that getting mud stains out of pink jeans is a f%*k of a lot harder than blue jeans. Either way, keep it real but as a mom/woman who has rallied against these unobtainable female social images countless times in her own articles, please try not to perpetuate the B.S. gender biasis’ that are crammed down our throats day in and day out.

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      • 36

        MadMum says

        I fondly recall having a burping contest with my two older sisters when we were all in the 10-14 year old range. My mom just shrugged and looked the other way. We didn’t do it in public and were actually getting along… so why interfere? Good times…

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      • 37

        Richard T says

        I agree. Except for having a penis most of these are not solely the purview of boys. I enjoyed the article but not the manufactured differences between pre-pubescent children. Do some things change after puberty? Certainly, but my 5-yr old daughter rock climbs, plays in the mud, holds all manner of creatures, and rides rings around boys her age on her bicycle. I especially enjoy it when the moms at the park tell their boys to “be careful with the girl” when she is tackling them. It is confusing to all involved.

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        • 38

          Maria says

          pf…I still rock climb and play in the mud, but now it’s with my soon to be step son. I don’t like the gender role stereotypes that people have now days. One for example…evidently it makes you less of a man to pee sitting down? No… it doesn’t. Or does it make you less of a man to be kind and sweet and have an emotional side? No…that doesn’t either, if anything that makes you sensitive and understanding to a woman’s feelings, especially when you find your own woman. Next, why is it that we expect our boys to be rough and rowdy but when our girls do it we tell them it’s not lady-like? That’s wrong. Completely wrong. Stop having these gender roles just because the physical appearance and parts are different. Even girls can have more tough or “masculine” personalities…and boys can have more calm and sweet ones. Doesn’t matter their gender. I find a “male” is more of a man when he’s not afraid to have a sweet sensitive side. when he’s not afraid to pee sitting down and watch romantic movies, especially with his wife or girlfriend because he loves her and enjoys it with her. a man who, yes, will open a door for a woman and if she wants to do it, then let her. Let her feel a little empowered to be an independent woman…and respects those around me. THAT to me…is a man. the same goes for women. enough of the gender roles. To be honest though, I thought this was adorable and funny, and it made me laugh. My soon to be step son bounces off the walls like no other. And boy, are these things true. haha.

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      • 41

        TJ says

        Yes, yes, yes. They all apply to my girl and only one or two apply to my boy. And I’ve always said, little girls like to orbit Venus just as much as little boys play with their penis!

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    • 42

      chanda says

      one 4 yr old…so I’m wondering what did everyone call the “female” part? He knows about his wee-wee and was just introduced to his “little balls.” So now he wants to know what mommy has since she doesnt have a wee and little balls, lol?

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      • 43

        Sonia Curtis says

        If he’s crying every time he pee’s, I’d be seeing a Dr and getting him checked for a UTI.
        I have a boy … he LOVES his penis! … but he’ never cried when he’s pee’d … but the second the nappy (I’m Australian) was removed, the hands where down there like a shot!
        I also have a grandson … and he’s exactly the same.
        I’ve never know a kid who wants to pee on his own hand … they just like to play with the hose! … and they’re not born with the natural instinct to hold their penis when they pee … hell, I still have to remind my 4.5yr old to hold his and aim when he’s using the toilet! Otherwise, he’ll just stand there, rubbing his face or tummy with both hands and his pelvis thrust forward … “Um, No son … Hold that thing and aim for the water!!!!” I hate the sound of pee on the porcelain … I’m never sure if it’s going in the bowl … or all over it!!!
        Ahhh … they joys of boys!

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        • 44

          Sonia Curtis says

          The above comment wasn’t meant to post here … stupid thing!
          Anyway … what I wanted to say to you is … Why do you use silly words for his penis and scrotum?
          My 4.5 yr old knows it’s his penis and scrotum … and he understands that girls and women have vagina’s … because that is what they ARE! Penises and vagina’s …
          I don’t understand why these are such horrid terms to teach our children??? This totally baffles me!
          Your son has a penis and scrotum and you have a vagina and breasts … deal with it! It’s the facts!

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          • 45


            I taught my daughter the word vulva for the external stuff – which I figured was more accurate in terms of what she was seeing and wanting to name. Then I ruined my whole accuracy thing by mentioning that her friend’s mom drives a Vulva – because our genitals are so cool they named a car company after them.

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          • 46

            Michelle says

            We taught our son and daughter penis and vulva, too. Then my now ex-husband got a Volvo and our daughter called it a vulva. LMAO!! Oh the joys!! I guess it wasn’t as bad as when my ex would be on call and the beeper (yes a beeper) would go off and he would yell “F$!#”. Our son thought that’s what it was called and one day on speaker phone with my MIL (of course) our son caught sight of the beeper and started yelling “F$!#”. My MIL was asking “What? Truck? Did you hear a truck? Did a truck just go by?” and we were saying “Yes! A truck just went by” as my ex removed the beeper from the room. xp

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        • 48

          Jan Bentdahl says

          is your boy circumcised? that could be the problem because it might have been done wrong. if he was not circumcised you may have to be careful when you are cleaning around his penis.

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      • 49

        Rebecca Eubank says

        My 2 boys are 12 & 10. They started calling their testicles “toasty nuggets”. Not sure where it came from. LOL My girls are 14 & 8. They just say vagina.

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      • 50

        Naomi says

        I have always told my children the anatomically correct name for their body parts and mine. I have one child in particular who can’t keep his hand out of his pants, which I have told him is fine, but that nobody else wants to see it, so to take it to his room to play with.

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      • 53

        HandKsmom says

        We started out teaching our oldest boy the correct terms for all the parts but it didn’t stick. He decided to call his penis a TURTLE after a visit to the zoo. Our little one just sorta picked it up too. And for now its fine, We still use the right words for it and they still tell me about their turtles when they need too…

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    • 54

      debb says

      I am a mom of four grown sons. ages 26 through 33 now. My stairsteps. You have wonderfully covered almost all points but I would add one more. Learn to Pick your Battles. Some things are not worth the battle and do more damage than good. Positive reinforcement and allowing them to be individuals pays off big when they are grown. My boys have thanked me for disciplining them, but letting them be individuals. One is now a Minister of Music. 2 is a Master Sgt in the airforce security forces, 3 is a computer geek works on big airplane communication systems in the airforce. 4 is an international model, actor and store manager. all different and all special to their momma. When number 2 wanted an ear pierced, we told him to find in the bible where a man got his ear pierced and why, and how would it apply to him today.. He found it and we split a piercing session together when he got one ear pierced. My ear has an extra piercing from that episode, but when I put in that earring, I pray for my son, who is now a daddy of three. You just have to decide what battles are gonna be worth it in forming character. Teaching them to clean up messes came in handy for us when my own car ran over me and suddenly Mom couldn’t clean up any more. But because of my accident, my boys can clean and cook and take care of a house hold. at one point I had 3 in Highschool at once, and one in college.. Talk about going broke.. it wasn’t just the grocery bills. It was clothes, and sports gear for football, cross country, wrestling, roller hockey, soccer and more, drama class costumes, chorus tuxes, yearbooks, marching band camp, classrings, yearbooks. Choir tour, summer camps, one went to music camp, one to sports camp one to art camp, another to youth camp.. on my it goes on and on, start saving now :) When mine were in HS we went through 2 to 3 gallons of milk a day.. my husband stopped on the way home from work as a habit to pick up 2 gallons cause that was what fit in the frig. My best advice is be consistent. Let your NO mean NO, and if you say yes, follow through. Don’t make promises you can’t or don’t want to keep. Pick you battles, and nurture them to be decision making men. Be wise and slow to anger, but don’t be lax in your parenting. Be the Parent, not the buddy. God gave them to you to parent, take that seriously. I get so frustrating seeing lazy parenting… being a good parent takes commitment and work, and presence. Be a presence in your child’s life. My husband and I saw many times kids at school functions with absent parents who were sad because mom or dad were absent. NO JOB is more important than your children.. so if something needs sacrificing, reevaluate your job… I left a high paying management job at a major corporation, and opened a daycare in my home for 10 years to be home with my boys. I don’t regret it and count it a blessing to have had the time with them. Blessings to all you mommas. Count each day as a blessing, no matter the messes and such, as you will turn around and they are grown.. I miss the boys, and now my greatest moments are when I can manage to get them all together and enjoy the fun.. blessings to you all

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      • 55

        Sabine says

        True and great comment- i have an 8 years old boy and sometimes i’m so tired and sometimes so angry- and sometimes really happy- and i have only one… but to think, that time is a gift and that they will grow up so quick, that will help, to go through the hard moments :-)! After Laotse: help them to grow up, but don’t expect anything, teach them, but don’t be a dictator, this is the secret of virtue!
        Sabine, Germany

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      • 56


        I completely agree with picking your battles! I’ve had my mom question me on decisions and I tell her the same thing! My 12 year old is also a Type 1diabetic and has hyperthyroidism, which is a whole other set of boy problems!

        Another I could add is don’t ask what the smell in the laundry is, believe me you don’t want to know. Just check the pockets for animals (alive or not), anything sticky or possibly capable of staining what it is in or the rest of the load, or anything else not machine washable. I have picked up his hamper in his room and been assaulted by the smell. I just refer to it as his funky monkeys in the laundry and most of the time they wash out!!

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    • 58

      Kay Morrison says

      On man I’m laughing so hard.. I have 7 boys and I have all this too.. As teenagers they eat constantly… I have awaken at 0100 in the morning to a sandwich fest going on in my kitchen. Thanks for the laughs

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    • 59

      Amy Moss says

      Hilarious! I have two boys and completely agree with everything in your post! Especially the drama and food posts. I have been waiting for my teenage son to tell me he started his period because of the high level of drama and emotions. I could feed my entire block with the snacks in my pantry if a natural disaster were to hit; but, according to my kids, we have nothing to eat!

      And number 10, is spot on; they love those things!

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    • 60

      Joanne says

      I birthed 3 boys, but as they grew the number of boys that call me mom has greatly increased. And I understand about the “Mass Quantity of Food ” required in the house. Once the youngest had joined the Navy, it has taken me 2 years to get back to cooking in more quantity of food for 2. Now I am looking forward to the birth of my first Grandchild. The way she is carrying it looks like it might be ANOTHER BOY to the family!

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    • 61

      Ashley says

      I also have 4 boys! Ages 4-3months!! Love them to pieces, I was a girly girl but now I’m the one killing bugs, lol. And having dirt fights and digging for worms! Never thought I had it in me. My two year old eats bugs…,ewwww. And the 3 older boys are constantly doing number 10. The 3 month old hasn’t found his yet!

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    • 62

      Naomi says

      Yep. I had twins. Twice. And they’re all boys. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was an only child and I never wanted to have a child who was an only child… there’s a large gap between my eldest and the younger boys but I love that they came in pairs and they’ll always have each other as lifelong mates.

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    • 63

      MomofAlmost3 says

      I am a mom of only one boy and numbers 4-8 TOTALLY apply!! And he is 11 now so the eat everything he can find applies every waking hour he is not in school!

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    • 64

      Denise K says

      Wow. Just read this for the first time (11/19/14). I have three grown sons but I remember the days. However, it doesn’t stop when they are grown. No, it just changes – a bit. They can clean up their own messes at their own house for instance. I remember the battle with the toilet seat, and the aiming, or lack thereof. I had one that loved to practice aiming. He just chose not to aim at the toilet. I remember picking up a “wet” wash rag from the bottom of the bathtub. It was soaked with ammonia smelling urine. I would find puddles at the base of the wall behind the toilet. The bathroom smelled like old urine most of the time. And farts are cool, funny, and apparently necessary to express your masculinity. One of my sons actually held me tight to prevent me from getting away. He wanted to make sure I smelled his fart. He believed in sharing. As far as food, take out stock in a grocery store chain, or join that bulk food club. They may eat a lot when they are young, but just wait. That is nothing compared to when they get to be teenagers. Do not expect left overs, no matter how much you make, and how many days you want the meal, or at least the meat dish, to last. It just won’t. As a teenager, after they have scarfed down enough to last me a week of meals, they make three peanut butter sandwiches immediately after dinner. I am serious, not exaggerating, six pieces of bread. How on earth can a boy still be hungry. And to watch them eat is a trip. They can eat a sandwich in two or three bits and have it completely swallowed in less than a minute. If you have a weak stomach, you might want to eat in a different room. Sometimes it sounded like I was near a hog trough. This isn’t all but I’ll stop here. Let me say, though, that despite all of the “boy” stuff, I would not give either of them up for anything at all.

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    • 66

      Mendy J. says

      I have 4 sons. Aged 11, 9, 6, and 3. I have a niece that lives with me as of 2 years ago. She was 16 when she moved in and she is worse at making messes than all 4 of my boys COMBINED. I prefer pick up comics, cars, swords and guns than makeup and nail polish (my 3 year old loves to paint with both of these and my white carpet gets the great honor of being his canvas). I was a tomboy growing up and I am so grateful for having only boys! LOL. P.S I love this article!

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      • 70

        Hannah says

        I’ve had to on multiple occasions, after waiting a unreasonable amount of time, to just put my lil guys pamper on with his hands still busy playing with himself. Which of course he finds HILARIOUS! I have to laugh too, lol

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        • 71

          suviving mum of adullt 3 boys says

          great point made above. I remember been peed on in hospital by 24 yo when he was a new bub. He was the first of 3. The first thing I did when he peed was to look above to see where it had come from ….roof leaking in hospital—yeah right….My boys are 24 22 19 and have grown up to be polite young men. They may not like cleaning but who dose, and they will do it. Good luck to those all boys house holds. My mum and dad have 8 grand children ranging from 25 -11 and guess what all boys. I have nieces on my husbands side and love them all as well as the nephews on both side. We have a small female dog maltese x cavalier and the boys treat her like a princess she also likes to play tough and rough and loves men. She is 10yo and has survived and is in amazing health. She loves the boys and loves anyone who visits. The post at top brings back so many memories .Thankyou

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    • 72

      ward says

      Such a good article! I remember doing all of those things as a lad (some continue into adulthood). You know, we don’t do it on purpose…it’s just the way we are!

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    • 73

      REnee says

      OMW, my boys are now 18 & 20 and they are still grabbing, twisting, pulling, stretching, etc… I have to laugh because if you are out and about, watch the male species, they all do it, no matter the age. I laughed and laughed at this, all of it so very true. The farting, that is a constant competition in our home, now it includes the girlfriends! I have never bothered with trying to keep them clean, to this day I don’t leave home without a few changes of clothes for each, yes even at their age, after I all, I know them better than they know themselves. LOL I have had so much fun raising my boys.

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    • 79

      chasity harrington says

      I remember wondering why my little babies hands always smelt like pee, then one day I caught him, every time I looked away he would be in his diaper. now its just every moment lol

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    • 83

      sue smith says

      And the cuddles do not stop when they grow. My 22 yr old son loves his momma, hugs me often, and is my “protector” or so he thinks. He was quite the dare devil, still is, and finally to keep my sanity I had to say “God he is in your hands” and look away. Tank God he kept him safe and strong. Love my daughter, different kind of bond though.

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    • 84

      Naomi says

      No matter how tough they act, my boys are all snuggle bugs at heart. My grown teen still gives me cuddles, and my little boys (aged 8 1/2 – 11) still want me to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every night. And they each come to me for cuddles at various times during the day. One of the little ones acts like he doesn’t like cuddles except at bedtime, when waking up and in his sleep he sleep walks out, snuggles into my lap and cuddles up to me.

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    • 88

      Samantha says

      Are you for real? Read an entire blog post about not getting your panties in a wad when you have boys and you respond by getting your panties in a wad? Lol

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    • 99

      Mel says

      Some days (most days) the bath time goal isn’t clean! It’s to get the top layer of gunk off them, and hopefully ward off the stinky feet smell. At my house bath time is a treat, it’s more play time than anything. I still make him hose off under the shower after he sits in the tub. They really aren’t getting all that clean wither it’s one or 4. My ex husbands Grandparents use to reuse bathwater! They were only able to fill the tub once because of the water well system they had, it took hours to refill. So they would work the farm in Colorado all day and come in for baths. Grandpa first, then the oldest boy, then each of the 5 other boys to the youngest, and finally Grandma could bath, in the same water!

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    • 102

      Lisa says

      I agree with Tori…that would be gross…the first priority of bath time is to get clean!! They play AND get clean! I only found numbers 6 and 7 to be true.

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      • 103

        Emma says

        Now teenagers are a whole specie of their own, everything from number 1 to number 10 is true, then you times it by 100 for teenagers, the expense is out of this world! and so is the “boy smell” from hormones and all, I won’t even mention the mess. Tori and Lisa my 2 lads and my daughter still share bath water, they still come out clean! The problem with some new parents today is they are trying to be too clean (which allows children to get allergies to everything) as the body has never been introduced to dirt! Kids turn out better when they are allowed to be children, getting grubby and being allowed to play as kids should.

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    • 104

      Donna Bright says

      I raised two boys and have three grandsons, soon to be 4….Tori, I promise you honey, there is not enough soap in the entire world for you to ever feel they are clean. Boys aren’t concerned with washing their hair and getting behind their ears and between their toes. They are concerned with how long Scuba Steve can stay underwater and how high up he goes before being dropped into the bath for his next mission. By the time all this activity is over, they are clean enough to put pajamas on and feel good about sending them off the next day for another round of whatever smelly, stinky adventure they can get into. I would much rather have them like that, which means they have been playing, hopefully outside, breathing fresh air, playing on their bikes and getting dirty…not sitting in the house playing x box all day. Okay, sometimes, but not ALL the time. Lighten up…I swear all mine survived and don’t smell at all….lol

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      • 108

        Tammie says

        I have a soon to be 3 year old son and I’m a single mom and I agree with all of this and Have uttered the words please don’t put your penis in your juice cup…they are something else boys but I adore mine even if he is overly dramatic at times (I throw away a dirty Apple he starts screaming I LOVED THAT APPLE) boys are awesome!

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    • 109

      Verna Underhill says

      Grandma of 3 little boys. Iam reading this laughing with tears in my eyes, watching my daughter ( an only child) going through these same scenarios. All I can say Moms is “hang in there” it will all be over with so fast you’ll wonder where the time went and then you’ll really want to cry. These are such precious moments even for a Grandma!

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    • 110

      DRR says

      I’m just laughing here Tori. Of course bathe them together! Stick in a little bubble bath and some toys, (especially army men, star wars, cars), and mum can sit there and read for an hour! Boys ready to get out of tub? Have them stand up, shower off quick…. and they are good to go! (I had 7 brothers, I’m the only girl….) I was jealous of the community bath time fun.

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    • 112

      Brandy says

      You have never bathed with your siblings or friends when you were a kid?!?!? If you never have, you missed out on a childhood. I was never a dirty or nasty child and I regularly bathed with my siblings.

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    • 114

      Amelia says

      Dont bathe them together?!? Do you have kids? I toss my three(2 boys and a girl) in at the same time because if i didnt, the other two woukd run around destroying the house, eating everything they could get their hands on and using the phone to call everyone in our family. Oh and they would be naked doing it. Its so much easier to just toss them all in wiyh some bubbles and bath toys and close the clear curtain so you can see them yet keep yourself and bathroom semi dry. Its not always about them being squeaky clean bc lets be honest. It lasts all of 10 minutes anyway. BTW my daughter is just as bad as her brothers on all of these,lol.

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    • 117

      Sarah says

      Everything except #5. Yeah, my boy (4 year old son) is “dramatic” in a little kid way but he doesn’t break down for 40 minutes because it’s 40 degrees and he can’t wear his sundress to school (6 year old daughter), cry for over an hour that she doesn’t want to go to dance class and then after dance class declare it to be the best day ever, or tell me that she is the worst person in the whole world anytime she gets into trouble (oh and nobody loves her and she should just run away). But my “all boy” child… I just feel bad for Bear Grylls’ mother (Man vs. Wild) because my son is heading down that track…

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    • 120

      Mandie says

      I just installed a urinal inmy 3 boys’ bathroom, and a solid lock with key on the door of mine. Hubby and them are responsible for any messes in that latrine!

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    • 125

      Josh says

      Yeah, the ‘putting the lid down’ rule is pretty pointless. If you don’t want to fall in, you should have learned to put it down yourself by now. I can’t see in the dark, but that doesn’t mean I tell everyone else to keep the light on when they leave a room.

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      • 127

        Samantha says

        I live in a house with 7 men and my 3 year old son. I don’t understand the big deal with the toilet seat, yes, I have fell into several toilets. At home when I go the bathroom, I drop the lid and when I am done I put the lid back up! No problems! Being that I am the only female, I don’t think I have the “right” to ask 8 people to put the seat down, I will just do it myself!

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      • 128

        Ginger Davila says

        Says the person who stands most of the time. Try trotting to the bathroom in the middle of dark-thirty dodging legos and plastic dinosaurs and walls to get to the bathroom and having to pee so bad because you’re carrying baby boy number 5 and your bladder i shot to heck…only to sit down and find yourself not only with a totally COLD and wet bum but you’re also stuck like a turtle until you can wake your comatose hubby to come rescue you….yeah fun times! It’s actually pretty easy to ‘drop’ a seat rather than to have the attitude that ‘I need it up therefore deal with it’ lolololol

        Having been through that so often, my boys (3 grown and on their own) know that putting the seat down is beneficial to a happy wife who doesn’t leave the car seat so far forward that he has to cram himself n knees to throat and readjust every mirror and radio station before he goes to work- not once did I do that with the attitude that I am short, listen to better music therefore he can change it all back himself….. oh now I know what I was getting at with my ramblings- it’s called consideration… LOL….

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        • 129

          Whitney says

          This! This so many times over. It’s a respect, think about others kind of thing. We all go to extra lengths to be sure we can make someone else’s day a little smoother.

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      • 130

        Geraldine says

        Men AND women use the toilet seat down… only men use it up.. unless I’m missing something, in which case law of averages (and common courtesy) dictates that men and boys should put the seat sown when they’re finished their no.1!

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        • 131

          Kady says

          Exactly. Moreover, it’s about teaching my son to be considerate and polite. My husband’s best friend leaves the seat up when he visits and it shocked me. Now it just disgusts me. I had never seen a seat up in a home until I met him, and yes I have a father, brother, cousins, nephews, bros-in-law, male friends, etc.
          Face it: women put down the LID; boys and men can put down the SEAT as well.
          Anyway, great post. I adore my boy.

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      • 132

        Pita's Mom says

        I have a husband and a 14 year old son. Everyone in our house puts down not only the seat, but the toilet lid too. I haven’t’ fallen into the toilet in over 7 years (when I got divorced from my first husband). This also helps to keep the dogs from drinking out of the toilet.

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    • 135

      Lori says

      Totally can agree with the fork thing. I had one boy and then a little girl. You really have to have a sense of humor with boys. When my little guy started having “stiffies” he would run and show it to me and I would hang his undies on it and he would run rampant thru the house. TOTALLY cracked me up.

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  1. 137


    number 11. be prepaired to turn down dozens of proposals from your boys, during the reception at my wedding to my 2 yrolds step father my toddler in his tux all dressed up scrambled to my lap and asked, mommy will you mawwy me. hes done this several more times since. its too cute.

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    • 138


      My son just turned 5. He’s convinced that he wants to stay in our house forever and marry me when he’s old enough. Then I can be married to both him and Daddy and he’ll never have to move out of the house… I tried telling him that someday he’ll meet a nice girl and want to marry her. He says I’m the nicest girl in the whole world ;)

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