10 Things I Hated About Pregnancy


1. I can no longer enjoy a hearty laugh or even experience an impromptu sneeze without peeing myself a smidge.  I’m inventing Depend’s EasyFit PREGNANCY SLIMS for those of us who wet ourselves just a tad throughout the day.

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2. The dead-of-night surprise of sudden foot cramps so painful I shoot out of bed from a deep sleep and start hopping around on one foot while holding the other and yelping, “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch” like a cartoon character. Somehow hubs sleeps right through this drama every time. Which just makes me want to poke him awake and then say, “Man, those cramps are rough. Sorry I woke you.”

3. Suddenly having my early pregnancy nausea change its mind and return after leaving for 2 months. Last week, Asher, who is extremely attached to his little frog potty and refuses to use a regular toilet while at home, both peed and pooped in the little potty, making a delightful poopy soup. I started gagging as soon as I picked it up and once I’d deposited it in the big potty, I threw up on top of it. This shit is glamorous.

4. Hitching up my stretchy waist-band pregnancy pants ALL DAY LONG. I sit then stand — I pull them back up. I walk 4 steps, somehow causing them to work their way down my hips a couple of inches — I pull them back up. All day long, yank, yank, yank, yank, hitch, hitch, hitch, hitch.  Bitch, bitch, bitch.  I think I may just go full mu-mu for the remainder of my pregnancy.

5. Boobs so big that there is no bra in existence that can handle them. I’m thinking of hiring a couple of midgets to carry them around for me all day. I don’t mean to offend little people, but clearly there’s a (lack of) height requirement, and kids can’t do the job because of those pesky child labor laws.

6. Areolas the size of silver dollar pancakes. Without any exaggeration.  Yummmmm.

7. The inability to see anything under my belly, most regrettably, my bikini line. I grab the razor, shave blindly, and bravely hope for intact labia.

8. A recently acquired inability to sleep through the night, which I’m sure is an indication of the future sleeping disposition of the child I’m carrying. I toss and turn all night — no easy feat with a big belly and a giant body pillow. And then there’s the handy internal hormonal alarm clock which goes off every morning around 5am and refuses to shut off or even snooze for 4 minutes. Just what everyone welcomes with great joy — an already cranky, hormonal pregnant woman who’s added bitchy blobzilla to her resume because she can’t freaking sleep.

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9. Tears, nay — crying jags, that appear out of nowhere for beyond ridiculous reasons. With my first pregnancy, my husband caught me hiding in the kitchen with the water running at full blast to cover the jagged breaths and wails of a complete meltdown. When he asked me what was wrong, I said — no kidding — “I dripped red popsicle on my shirt.” A few weeks ago, I started blubbering while watching an episode of “Dance Moms.”  A show I am so mortified to admit I watched that I feel like crying again right now.

10. Well-meaning strangers, usually in the check-out line at the grocery store or Target, who all ask the same questions. “When are you due?” Followed by, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Followed by “What are you going to name him?” And then proceed to reach out and try to rub my belly.

I swear, this time I’m having a t-shirt made that says:

Please don’t touch me

The boy with no name

Due April 2013

About the writer

Suzanne Fleet is the voice behind the award-winning humor blog, Toulouse & Tonic mom to 2 stinky boys and wife to a very self-assured man she enjoys making fun of on her Facebook page daily (along with just about everything else). She's appeared so many places now, she just seems cheap so I won't bother to list them. Okay, if you insist: PopSugar’s Top 25 Funny Moms, a contributor to Huffington Post & Today.com, Scary Mommy and the best-selling books I Just Want To Pee Alone, I Just Want To Be Alone and You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth. Suzanne's next project is definitely not another baby but that won't stop her from nursing it. (It's a book).

From Around the Web


Melissa 12 months ago

Too funny!!! Thanks for making me laugh. I stumbled across your site as I was searching topics around suddenly feeling depressed about being alone. I’m a very independent person who normally loves it when the hubby is away as I can get stuff done but today out of the blue, I feel miserable that he’s at work and that he’s on a special work assignment tomorrow (weekend) as well as the following weekend. My anxiety for some bizarro reason just hit the roof. I seriously hope it’s pregnancy hormones and not a sudden neediness temperament yikes!

Rachael 1 year ago

these are soo true…lol but you forgot how when your are pregnant that bending over to pick something up is dangerous…I cant ever pick anything up with out a little squeak of a fart sneaks out.

Bini 2 years ago

Oh, its hilarious! :)
Thank you for the good laugh

Michelle 3 years ago

this is classic!!! I’m on week 15 and I will definitely want a shirt that says

Don’t touch my belly
Don’t talk to me
No I don’t want to find out the sex of my baby
No names for either boy or girl
Due September 2013

I didn’t have morning sickness in the begining until my last 2 weeks of my first trimester. I still have it during the day, no sleep because for some reason my bladder decide to work hard when I’m laying down to sleep, I have shortness of breath just for talking, I have headache everyday that would last all day and heart burn all day. my wonderful life as pregnant woman but loving every moment of it with my husband!

Amanda 3 years ago

I’ll admit, Im one of THOSE women who have one of their own already….but I see a baby belly and I ASK(i know how annoying that shit is!) if I can touch the belly….just to reaffirm why I dont want another one.

Karen 3 years ago

LOL! I am due in late July and I was crying with laughter after reading this. Esp. about the pants! too funny and oh so true!

JM 3 years ago


Heather Brown 3 years ago

Every one was right on the money and funny as all get out. Thanks for the Laugh. Baby will be here in April 2013!!

Meg 3 years ago

Braille grooming: Ugh! I HAVE cut myself shaving. My labia minora to be exact. Kid #1 knocked on the bathroom door at precisely the wrong moment and startled me out of my near-trance concentration. I didn’t shave again until the day before my c-section.

Spencers sold a t-shirt that says “Touch the belly Lose a hand.” It served me well during my 2nd pregnancy. I found it also helps if you glare and growl audibly at anyone who looks at your belly and smiles. It stops all questions and prevents touching.

Melissa 3 years ago

Glad to read this- because I am only 10 weeks and have been MISERABLE for 5 weeks with every known 1st trimester symptom-besides the constant nausea, how about that bad taste in your mouth no matter how many times you mouthwash or brush your teeth (which causes me to puke) it still tastes like I have a mouthfull of dirty pennies or the forever constipation and the concept that I have to prop my feet up on a step stool in squatting position for 15 minutes while on the toilet to get anything to come out of me.

Courtney 3 years ago

Brilliant! I could never understand (and still don’t) why our bodies become public domain when their is another inside our body. I barely like to hug people, never mind complete strangers thinking it’s okay to “feel” my baby.

    Courtney 3 years ago

    Oops…there not *their

Aimee 3 years ago

My mother and mother-in-law ask if he’s kicking every time I see them. The answer is always the same, “Yes, but not right now.” Ugh, stop asking. If he stops kicking, I’m calling the OB not you.

Kara 3 years ago

Awesome, my favorite part was peeing myself while i was throwing up, had to have a bucket beside the toilet so I could throw up while sitting on it so I didin’t have a puddle to clean up in the bathroom.
Thank goodness for the bladder control pads that I wore on the airplane otherwise the nice flight attendants would have had to clean the seat.
And yes to boob sweat, pants droop, and pretty much everything else.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Ack! The boob sweat and the lady part “triangle” sweat! Gross!

Ellie Bellie 3 years ago

SO true and funny! I want one of those shirts now but mine will say:
Baby Boy Due May 2013
Touch me and I will touch you!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Nice addition! I like it!

      Toulouse 3 years ago

      But look out. Some creep might take that the wrong way!

lita emianita 3 years ago

’ve heard these all before, and the only reason I would have another is because of how much I LOVED being pregnant.I hated when people tried to touch my stomach or ask too many personal questions and my back is still recovering from my boob growth.

lita emianita 3 years ago

All of the above. Every single one. I also had horrible restless leg syndrome while I was pregnant.Oh I am so with you on this!! The constipation, hemmorhoids, the stretch marks… I could go on….

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    That last trimester is rough. I think nature made it like that so we’d be ready to suffer the pain of childbirth just to get ’em out!

KePo 3 years ago

I had the PUPPPS rash for 4 weeks. I would say Google it, but maybe use caution if you Google Images it (there are some TMI images out there). It only strikes preggos, and it only goes away when you are no longer preggos. It turned my stomach & it’s roadmap of stretchmarks into lines of red raised itchy bumps and spread to my legs, feet & arms. There is no cure and nothing makes it fully bearable – I had tubes of cortizone cream, I was using diaper rash ointment, and taking baths (imagine trying to fit a hippo into a bathtub – easy to get into tub, but out was another story!). I got it week 39 (went to 41 – eeks) and finally my water broke while I was in the shower scrubbing the hell out of my legs because they itched so badly. The info on it says it happens on your first pregnancy and if you were having a boy – first pregnancy yes, baby girl – so no. Talked to my Dr about it – she has had to induce people because it was so awful… thankfully, it was clearing up by our 2 week post-partum appointment. Can’t say the same for the stretch marks and dark line down my tummy – 2 months and still as dark as ever! Grr.

    Kaylee 3 years ago

    I had it as well!! It was awful! I got it at 30 weeks so I had to do 9 weeks of torture! Horrible memories are coming back to my brain…

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I’ve never heard of this scourge before. WTH? Don’t we have to deal with enough while pregnant???

Kaylee 3 years ago

Yes to all of the above!
But my biggest issue is my hound dog nose. I can smell my neighbor making toast as well as a fart before it made its way out. Every single person I come in contact with just stinks. Could ya brush your teeth like 3 more minutes please?

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I know people who had this problem. Mine was more sensitive than usual but not like yours. You poor poor woman. I hope you don’t have a dog!

Beth 3 years ago

I’ve heard these all before, and the only reason I would have another is because of how much I LOVED being pregnant. I was not a pretty pregnant woman, but I have never felt more confident then when I was pregnant! I have long forgotten the sleepless nights, the stress of not pumping enough for even one feeding, and, at this moment, cannot fathom loving another the way I love my son.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    This is nature’s trick to make us willing to reproduce again. We go just long enough to forget all the hard parts and get woozy looking at our adorable child. Then BAM! Pregnant again!

Kathie 3 years ago

Im due in 8 weeks with my 3rd. I have yet to have a stranger ask to rub my belly (or just rub it without asking) which is shocking b/c you can see my belly from space. i LOOOOOOVE when people I know do it though. Even if i dont know you well, rub away. what will get you punched in the face, is when you say “so any day now huh?” or “you just look soooooo done”. I had someone argue with me about there being 2 babies in there too. No really. I know for sure. Just one. That did not stop her from arguing that there just had to be more than one b/c there was no way my belly could be that huge at only X weeks.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    And I quote: “Sooooo BIG!”
    I will slap you!

Sabrina 3 years ago

Wel Toulouse
I thought all us mommies thing alike ,,, great minds that’s is ?
Love Sabrina

Sabrina 3 years ago

Your the best Scary mommy

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    LURVS you. My new BFF!

Baby Sideburns 3 years ago

LOVE #7!!! And I watch Dance Moms too. And don’t know why I just admitted that shit out loud.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Yeah, it’s embarrassing. And I don’t embarrass easily.

Paul d 3 years ago

10 worst things about being pregnant,finding out you are the father.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Hmmm, I guess you forgot to rap that rascal!

Frugalistablog 3 years ago

Oh I am so with you on this!! The constipation, hemmorhoids, the stretch marks… I could go on….

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I actually did a part 2 of this because there are so damn many sucky things about being pregnant!

Courtney 3 years ago

I love @toulouseNtonic! Riot.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    And I love you! XOXOXO!

Jessica 3 years ago

I hated when people tried to touch my stomach or ask too many personal questions and my back is still recovering from my boob growth. Great list.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    My back is SHOT too!

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

Great list – all so true. My favorite was people saying you’re so big, or so small, or you must be having twins. How fortunate to have run into an OB-Gyn moonlighting as a Target cashier!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You are too funny, Keesha!

Dora Groothousen 3 years ago

The hormones that leave splotches on your face that give you a 5 o clock shadow. Felt like a freak show at a circus. (Those did lessen after giving birth but I still have a faint trace of it on upper lip and forehead. F*cking wonderful). The SWELLING of my feet, ankles and hands. I felt like Elephant Woman. Again Circus freak show, LOL. Also last pregnancy the WHOLE 1st trimester I had an aversion to Chocolate of all things. WTH

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I HATE those splotches. How did I leave those off the list? I STILL have them!

Sabrina 3 years ago

Lol , I had 8 kids all natural except the
last 3 one C-section , and epidurals on
the other 2 ,,, but it’s all good know !
Lol I survived . And I’m still sane, I

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You cannot be sane. But that’s okay. None of us are.

Amy Garnett 3 years ago

I can’t believe more people aren’t mentioning heartburn. I had acid in my throat so thick, I could have gurgled the rust off a 100-year-old penny. And my size A cup boobs (yes, they make A cup bras) never budged. I didn’t even make it to a B. How is that possible?? Oh, and who made me cry? Paul Harvey and his “Rest of the Story”. Ugh. I’m so lame.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I did have some heartburn, Amy, but it wasn’t a big symptom for me. I did get the burps pretty badly though. My poor husband had to listen to me go “rrrrrup!” for 6 hours on a road trip. Sexy!

Savannah 3 years ago

What about that constant feeling your not getting enough oxygen.. Couldn’t breath through either of my pregnancies

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Ugh. Not breathing is hard! ; )

SM 3 years ago

So true!!! Except for #10: I never had a stranger rub my belly. Should I be offended? Was my belly not cute? Apparently I give off a strong “DON’T TOUCH ME” vibe!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I definitely give off a strong “Don’t touch me” vibe. Not sure why it didn’t work during pregnancy. Maybe because my stomach was so large, people saw it and rubbed it before they ever had a chance to see my face.

jeannine 3 years ago

I wanted to carry around a sign with gender and due date. Also hated the back pain, heartburn that felt like my esophagus was literally on FIRE, oh and the July heat was unbearable with no a/c.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    The back pain really was unbearable and you can’t even take anything to make yourself feel better. That third trimester is just plain punishment…for something!

Kathy 3 years ago


    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks, Special K!

hilljean 3 years ago

I laughed so hard I cried at the “intact labia” line. I also read aloud some of these to my hubby and while I had to coach him through the jokes, he too laughed :)

Puking on top of poop soup. Yum.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Isn’t it true? Didn’t you worry about all your dangly bits when you were shaving? I gave a little thought to just getting it all waxed but seeing as how my skin was so much more sensitive, I figured I’d end up with nothing but one bald patch and I’d walk out. Purty!

Jessica 3 years ago

Also–Hate that for some reason you can’t find anything but whole milk outside of a grocery in Atlanta. Nothing like chugging a gallon of off brand whole in the corner store parking lot.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Yummm. That’s something we definitely have in common when we’re pregnant, Jess. Such a strong desire for milk, you can’t even wait for a glass. Chug, chug, chug!

Kerri @ Elbows Deep in Someone Elses’s Sh*t 3 years ago

LOVE you! I was starting to feel a little baby crazy, this took care of it though haha.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Kerri, I’m so glad I could help. Please do give me a call if you ever start thinking about getting knocked up again. I’ll talk you over AND give you my baby to take care of for a while! XOXO

Karen 3 years ago

Really enjoyed reading this! So funny!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks, Karen. You’re like a sister to me! ; )

Tiffany 3 years ago

I’m also due in April (but am completely over being pregnant already!). I have a couple to add too:

The ninja kicks that make you jump in surprise (including the ever so pleasant cervix kicks!)

The back pain… my God the back pain!

Boobie sweat… like all the time…

Oh and if you are like me, and decided to let the sex of the baby be a surprise, you have either the people think its awesome, or the people who just don’t get why… I’ve had co-workers ask if THEY can know, and just not me… like really?

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Oh the cervix kicks! There’s nothing quite like feeling someone is banging on the door of your uterus trying to get out!

      Ems 3 years ago

      Or the backward kicks/punches that hit you JUST RIGHT and make your butt pucker. And just forget it if you happen to be crouched down looking in a cupboard or something when that happens, because you’ll stand up so fast you can’t help but think the little minion inside of you is deliberately trying to get you to take your own head off. Like, REALLY?!

    Amy 3 years ago

    I’m due Sunday and we don’t know the sex of our baby. It’s amazing how it drives people CRAZY. My mother in law kept saying she was going to show up at an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was put off that we didn’t want to know. People told me it was difficult to buy a gift for the baby. I said “Then don’t!”

Jessica 3 years ago

10 things, funny stuff! had read this to see how ya would narrow it down to 10.
I loved being pregnant! flutters and the kicks and your baby all safe inside you, it’s really an amazing thing! so blessed to have the ability to create life!
++said some girl who was back to pre-pregnancy weight 1 month later. oh, and you probably couldn’t tell she was pregnant from the back and people were probably always saying how cute she is pregnant.
–Her. she is what I hate about being pregnant.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I once met a tiny little woman with a perfectly flat belly at a party and almost coughed up a lung when she told me she had a 1-month-old at home. WTF? I still looked pregnant for 6 months after delivery, at least!

Toulouse 3 years ago

Okay, I didn’t know this. No wonder I can’t see shit!

Uptightyogimama 3 years ago

Don’t forget losing your eyesight! They tell you that it will come back but they lie!

JD @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

#7!!! Yes! That was me the whole summer I was preggo with my 2nd child. Midway through the summer I gave up, bought a little maternity swim skirt, and hoped a breeze wouldn’t expose my unkept areas to the world.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Going to the gyno is so embarrassing. I always feel like their suppressing laughter when they lift the sheet. All I’m thinking is, “Is it in the shape of a dead president?”

      Kerri @ Elbows Deep in Someone Elses’s Sh*t 3 years ago

      I waxed the whole dang thing a couple weeks before I went into labor! My NP was so surprised to lift the sheet and see that, she thought maybe I was a contortionist or else had a really elaborate mirror setup in the bathroom.

        Toulouse 3 years ago

        I had that planned but then I became so much more sensitive to everything. I couldn’t even stand to have my legs massaged when I got a pedicure and I love that shit. So, needless to say, waxing was OUT.

Kelly 3 years ago

My bestie made me a button that I wore for the last bit of my first pregnancy. It read:

July 14th
I feel fine, thanks for asking

It proved to be rather helpful.

    JD @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

    I love that!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    That is genius. Even better than the t-shirt!

Andrea 3 years ago

Yeah I had forgotten about most of these and yet I’m still thinking about doing it again? WTF am I thinking??? Somebody stop me! And #10 – PREGGO HULK SMASH. It was enough to make me avoid the public in the last few weeks. Next time I’m coming up with my own dumbass answers:

Do you know what you’re having? (We’re hoping for a puppy!)
What are you going to name him? (Well we’re going with Methusala for a girl and Rexxis Lexxis for a boy. Do you like them?)
When are you due? Right now! OMG, RIGHT NOW!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    All it takes is going long enough between to forget about all of this. I call it The Fair Principle. The Fair only comes around once per year, just long enough for you to forget how nasty it is and go back. Pregnancy is the same. That’s why mine are 4 years apart.

    Jenelle W. 3 years ago

    OMG i think i love you Andrea! PREGGO HULK SMASH! …puppy! …right now! i’m dying over here and my post-babies vagina just can’t handle it!

Linda 3 years ago

Very cute, very true!

Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? 3 years ago

What is it that’s broken in strangers’ minds that makes them think that a pregnant belly is public property and therefore theirs to touch?

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Dunno. I guess pregnant people aren’t allowed that personal space bubble others get. I never like anyone I don’t know to touch me so I sure didn’t like it when strangers did it. Ugh.

Espie 3 years ago

This is awesome!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks, Esplanade!

Melissa 3 years ago

When I was pregnant I started crying during Chelsea Lately….is that even possible????

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Dance moms, Melissa! I cried during DANCE MOMS!!!

      Mamaishtari 3 years ago

      I watch “National Geographic.” “Dance Moms” is garbage. I would never watch that show. Melissa is a two-faced nut job the way she acts nicey-nice and schemes for Maddie and McKenzie. Christy is a beeoch. Kelly is so wishy-washy with her “I’m never coming back again!” until next week. I don’t think Brooke is all that. She’s bland on stage and doesn’t seem like she really wants to be there. Kathy is a piece of work and Vivianne is a human prop. Abby is insane the way she talks to those kids and I can’t believe the moms let her. Poor Holly seems like the only sane one, but she lets her kid get bullied by Abby so she must not be so sane after all.
      BTW, which one made you cry? Not that I would know, I don’t watch that show. It’s garbage.

        Toulouse 3 years ago

        It IS garbage and I want to stop watching it. And I am. After this season… ; )
        I think it was that episode where all the moms were screaming and fighting and all the little girls were crying. As if that describes ONE episode.

      Tygerlondon 3 years ago

      I am 17 weeks pregnant for the first time, so I am new to all the “beauties” of pregnancy, including the fact that AC/DCs, “It’s a Long Way to the Top” made me bawl while I was driving to work the other morning. . .

Steph at The Healthy Mom 3 years ago

Yup, you said it. Then there are those moms who say they loved every minute of their pregnancies. I never understood that.

Funny list!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Nope. The first time at least had novelty on its side. The 2nd time? Nope, nope, nope.

Steph 3 years ago

Hahahaha.. I’m 5 &1/2 months into my first pregnancy and I peed on myself last week from a weak sneeze. Thankfully I was at home! Haven’t had people touch my belly yet, SO not looking forward to that one!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You’ll experience them all by the end. And there will be far more than one little sneeze-pee! Get ready! And congrats!

Meredith 3 years ago

Not planning on any more babies (even though pregnancy is obviously SO much fun), but if it happens, I’m going to need one of those shirts! Funny!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I’m setting up my ETSY shop. I’ll let you know. ; )

Anonymous 3 years ago

Currently 36 weeks pregnant and I am still working full-time as a Emergency Department physician. As a consequence of my job, I meet about 50-100 new people every shift (patients plus family members) and constantly facing #10. One family got so upset that I was refusing to answer very personal questions about my pregnancy (beyond the basics – like “why are you still working?” and “aren’t you afraid the baby will catch something?” and worse) that when I responded not as nicely as I should with “I am the primary income earner in my family. I have to work. Let me tell you about your family member’s test results.” I got a complaint. And yesterday, one family member kept telling me I was having twins, stopped me several times in fact, despite my polite, “nope, just one, several ultrasounds to prove it…”, this person did not get it – AND the person wasn’t even a family member of one of my patients.

So, yeah, I’m feeling quite stabby about variations on #10.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    People should never touch a preggers belly without permission (honesty, they shouldn’t even ask if they’re not a 1st-degree relative) and they should certainly NEVER EVER ask anyone about having TWINS. Geez.
    With my first, people asked me how far along I was and when I told them 6 months, they’d make these surprised faces and say, “So big.” Damn them all!

hollow tree ventures 3 years ago

I already forgot about hitching up those maternity pants all damn day. That drove me absolutely insane. I couldn’t switch to a muumuu though (sweaty thighs – ewwwww).

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You just reminded me about how sweaty that entire “triangle” was the whole pregnancy. Ewwww. Someone hand me a magazine to fan my lady parts with!

Sabrina Salas 3 years ago

I meant horror lol

Sabrina Salas 3 years ago

I hate when people scare the shit out of you by their hoor stories, like being ripped to one hole to another or a 32 hour labor, or a C section that makes u feel like ur intestines will fall on the floor !!! Dear lord I could go on :)))

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Well…since you brought it up. He did kind of just fall out of my vagina a few weeks later. Oops.

Robbie 3 years ago

I saw a very similar shirt on Pinterest. No strangers ever rubbed my belly because my jugs were so gigantic people didn’t know I was pregnant b/c they hid my baby belly.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I’m surprised I didn’t have that problem cuz my jugs were beyond unruly! But somehow, they still tried to rub the jeanie in the bottle. HANDS OFF the belly!

Ninja Mom 3 years ago

3 and 9 FTW! The crying jags, oh the ridiculous crying jags. I cried long and loud over: forgotten grocery list items, missing the premier of a TV show, farts. . . pregnancy is only for the crazy.

Angela 3 years ago

Laughing with every word. Thank you for your candid thoughts on the most amazing ride of mommyhood.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks Angela. And pregnancy is just the beginning. Welcome to the roller coaster!

andrea 3 years ago

After 4 kids I had only 1 “good” pregnancy, my last one. Don’t forget saddle sore from waddling! and i hated maternity pants! I have full hips and thighs so I always have to buy pants to fit my ass and they don’t stay up around my waist. To combat the yanking and pulling up I sewed another panel high so that I could put a draw sting in and tied it under my boobs. And barenecessities.com best site ever for finding bras to hold up National Geographic boobs!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You are ingenious with the drawstring thingee under your boobs! And clearly, not nearly as lazy as I was during my pregnancy because even if I’d thought of the idea, I wouldn’t have ever gotten around to doing it.
    And when I say no bra in existence, know that I know what I’m talking about. I scoured the internet…bare necessities, figleaves…every single one of them. Sigh.

Kerry Ann @Vinobaby’s Voice 3 years ago

Oh, come on… For some of us, pregnancy boobs are a vast improvement. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d ever wear a D-cup without surgery. Almost reason enough to get pregnant again!

Love the T shirt idea.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I know lots of people who really enjoyed their bigger boobs…some enough so that they just kept right on breastfeeding until the kids were practically teenagers. But mine were just horribly, unbelievably big. I really needed the midgets…I’m not kidding!

Anna 3 years ago

Bwwahahahaha! This is awesome!

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks, Anna. Is it enough to divert you when you think about having another kid?? I call it “My Birth Control List.”

Erika Marie 3 years ago

All of the above. Every single one. I also had horrible restless leg syndrome while I was pregnant.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    I’m so happy I at least escaped the restless leg syndrome. I did, however, have horrific carpal tunnel syndrome with the first one. I couldn’t feel my hands so I was useless at things like cooking and cleaning. My husband thinks I still have it. ; )

Amy 3 years ago

The food aversions and the food cravings.
And love the t-shirt idea.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    You are so right, Amy. I forgot about how I lost all control of myself whenever I thought about fried chicken of any sort. Straight to the car….

    Miaja 3 years ago

    Yeah-gagging from the smell of chicken cooking.

Stephanie 3 years ago

SO TRUE, all of it. If I ever get pregnant again I will be having one of those t-shirts made for sure. Genius.

    Toulouse 3 years ago

    Thanks, Stephanie. I learned the hard way the first time around. Seriously, people! Keep your hands off our bellies!

      Darlene 3 years ago

      About the belly touching. I’m not a touchy feely person even with my friends. I found hugs awkward pre-pregnancy and value my personal space. I read on another momma blog that a friend of hers would touch the offenders tummy right back. Stopped people dead in their tracks as they recoil in horror. The best part about that is — I started that straight after, giving them the same look of enthusiasm as they give me when they assault my baby belly. Now I enjoy the tummy touch. I dare you to touch my baby belly. Seriously, try it. haha!

        Toulouse 3 years ago

        Darlene, you are one smart cookie!!!!


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