10 Ways to Piss Off a Pregnant Woman


I’ve been at this whole pregnancy website thing a year now and it didn’t take me long to realize that there are certain things that tick off most (although not all) pregnant women. Sure, sure we can go around telling them they looks great, but sometimes you just want to be a dick and what better way to do that than messing with a woman with child? Well, here are just a few universal nuggets that I’ve found if you’re looking to poke the pregnant bear.

10. Tell her your birth story. Even if she starts to walk away, just follow her with every gory detail about your birth. The more painful and horrible, the better. And be sure to keep asking her if she’s scared. If she says “no,” just ask her if she’s sure or tell her that she should be. Maybe she needs to hear about your episiotomy again.

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9. Suggest a name. It’s doubtful that she and her partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name, so it’s important that you weigh in on this decision with a couple of names you thought of on the way into work. If you come up with a funny one, be sure to greet her stomach with it. For example, scream “How’s it going in there, Ass-Clown-Charlie Brown?!” Be sure to lean on the surname when you say it.

8. Comment on her size. If she’s looking big, be sure to ask if she’s sure there isn’t two in there, or if she’s sure she’s due in two months and not at noon. If she looks small, be sure to ask her where she’s hiding it, or suggest maybe she just swallowed a grape. This one might also make her worry that something’s wrong so it’s a nice double whammy.

7. Jump in with “Just you wait until the baby comes” anytime she looks like she’s enjoying herself or if she’s a little too happy about the baby. Clearly she doesn’t realize how difficult it is to have a baby, so it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t get too excited. Babies are awful.

6. Tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing. It really is amazing that she made it as far as she has, considering how reckless she’s being with her diet and daily routine. Normally you wouldn’t care, but seeing as there’s a baby involved, you better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give her dirty looks and shake your head. That will teach her. You don’t want your tax dollars going towards that kid’s tail removal someday.

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5. Ask her if her pregnancy was an accident. The less you know the woman the better because it will make her realize that you don’t approve of her reproductive schedule (of course you would never come out and say that because that would just be rude). An even more subtle comment would be, “You know how that happens, right?” Everybody in the room will think it’s funny, but now she knows, and you know, that you’ve just pointed out that she’s had sex. If she becomes offended, just tell her it was a joke and to lighten up, then roll your eyes and say “hormones”.

4. Ask her if she knows what she’s having. If she tells you the sex, ask her if she’s disappointed that she isn’t having the opposite. (On the off chance that she says “yes,” be sure to tell her child that their mother didn’t want them at an age-appropriate time). If she says that they aren’t finding out the sex, act surprised and say “Don’t you want to know?!” Say it in a way that implies that she isn’t interested in her baby.

3. Ask her if she conceived naturally, especially if you don’t know the woman very well. Be sure to ask her in front of other strangers if possible. It’s a great question, because if she used fertility treatments, then she has to reveal a very personal, private part of her life, and if she didn’t, she also has to reveal a very person, private part of her life. If she says that it’s none of your business, you can just hold up your hands in defense and say, “Whoa, easy, I was just asking a question. Someone is touchy today.” She can’t win. It’s a delicious Catch-22.

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2. Toward the end of her pregnancy, be surprised every time you see her. Say things like “Are you STILL pregnant?” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and an extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out!” – which is nice, because it points out the delivery she is *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross, too.

1. Touch her belly. The less you know her, the better. Just walk up to her and start molesting her stomach. Make an “MMmmmm” noise while you do it. If that doesn’t get her going, put your face right up to her belly button and talk into it like a microphone. Ask the baby how they’re doing and listen for an answer. If that still doesn’t upset her, comment how her baby doesn’t move much because it didn’t respond to your voice and how she may want to talk to her doctor about that.

Good luck!

Related post: 10 Things Pregnant Women Say And What They Really Mean


About the writer

Amy Morrison is the Canadian asshat behind Pregnant Chicken. She started the website when she found out that she could have safely consumed caffeinated coffee during both her pregnancies and she was livid. She decided that the truth needed to be told about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the crap that goes along with it.


CynicalPrego 3 months ago

This whole article is perfect but #7 is so spot on it hurts.

Maia 5 months ago

I have actually started telling people who ask me what I’m having “A baby.” I followed up once with “We discussed having a dinosaur, but it seemed like a lot of trouble.”

Ann 6 months ago

What is wrong with people? I had to endure some of these as well. I have never, not once, ever, thought of asking any of these questions. It’s none of my business. I hated anyone trying to rub my belly. I remember being at the grocery store with my kids and total strangers trying to touch them. I’d loudly tell them to get their dirty hands off! Personal space!

Amber 6 months ago

Absolute WORST thing: dead baby jokes. Not funny even when you’re not pregnant. Induces tears when you are.

Tracy 8 months ago

you forgot to add to the list of “pregnant experts” treating us like fragile glass & freaking out over a morning coffee/exercise routine

Kristy 1 year ago

Add on one more for postpartum… One woman told my husband how good I looked for how far along I must be. I had the baby two months before!!!

Shannon B 1 year ago

Can we add asking a women who is 7 weeks postpardum if she’s had her baby yet? That’s a fun one, too. What is wrong with people?

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Suzi 1 year ago

A friend of mine posted an article on FB about an hour ago about how women who give birth later in life may have greater longevity- the stock photo was of a woman in the last few weeks of pregnancy (HUGE). First comment was some older dude- I kid you not: “Sweet Jesus! What is that woman going to deliver? A calf???”

I responded with: “***, along with a 7 -9 pound human being, there’s all the fluid, a 50% increase in the amount of blood a woman normally possesses (so much so that her heart actually increases in size to be able to pump it), and the placenta which is the size of a large pot roast. (If you don’t believe me, I can post a picture of mine.) She’s about the normal size for the end of pregnancy, the last few weeks the baby puts on about a pound per week (think of what a pound of hamburger looks like.) Those kind of comments may seem innocent enough, but in reality it’s a way of fat-shaming pregnant women… PREGNANT WOMEN. It’s in poor taste.”

I really want to post that photo just to scare/ gross him out. Resisting the urge thus far.

Harz 1 year ago

My favorite thing when someone rubbed my belly was to maintain eye contact and begin to rub theirs. Comment on how big it is. When they begin to freak out just smile and tell them you thought it was a normal greeting, I mean they did it to you.

Faith 1 year ago

Tell her the sex of the baby because of how she looks or how she’s carrying her bump. If she says its the opposite sex that she found out through ultrasound, explain to her how an ultrasound is not 100% accurate

Haley 1 year ago

When I was 6 months pregnant my husband and I attened a 4th of July bbq and multiple people said “man your due any day aren’t you” after the 4th person I told my husband we had better leave because the next person that asked me that was going to get thrown in the lake. Mind you I was huge not twins I’m just 5’2 and my baby girl was almost 10 pounds and 22inches long. Pregnant girl problems.

Kaci 1 year ago

Can we add to the list, “Keeping her up past her decided bedtime because you aren’t tired”?

Katrina 1 year ago

The one question, next to what I was expecting, that i HATED equally, was didn’t you have anything better to do? Omg!! It was always strangers that would ask.

Karen Moses 1 year ago

When I was pregnant with my son, my daughter (then 4) used to talk into my belly button because she was sure he could only hear through there. Whenever someone tried to even touch my growing belly through both pregnancies I would give them such a stink eye that the hand would go back to its natural place very fast. Only two people were allowed to touch my belly: my husband and during the second pregnancy my husband and my daughter.

Charnae Decker 1 year ago

Lol. #5 is my faaaaavorite.

Sarah J Pearson 1 year ago

Lmao too funny!

Shanna McMillan 1 year ago

So true.

Connie 1 year ago

Yes to ALL of these! I would add : Be sure to ask the woman if she plans to breastfeed. The less you know her personally, the better. You don’t want that near stranger using formula now, since those breasts are what God gave her for feeding babies. Even better still if you are an older gentlemen, make sure you ask.

Lisa Deliri 1 year ago

When hubby didn’t take my urgent need to pee seriously and missed the exit to the rest area on purpose to be funny…he never did that again. Lol

Colle Peltier 1 year ago

Number 2 dad number 2 Timothy Ray I told you no pregnant women thinks the following words are compliments : “wow you look like you’re having twins” or “are you due tomorrow” when they know your due date is in six months it’s rude and anyone who thinks they are being funny are just asses huge asses.

Linda Ode 1 year ago

Perfection. #10. God the birth stories disgusted and terrified me.

Jenny Kruschke 1 year ago

OMG all of these. I went 10 days past due with my 2nd pregnancy, let me tell ya, the “You’re still pregnant?” gets old FAST! Why yes, thanks for reminding me of my misery! Also, questions about feeding choices are great too. Women love to discuss their breasts with random people. 😉

Jessica Smith Plant 1 year ago

When we were pregnant with our twins everyone would stop and ask when I was due. When they learned it was three months away they told the entire restaurant! The diners then proceeded to stare and ask questions for the next 45 mins!

David Cummings 1 year ago

Don’t forget to keep chocolate around at all times with a pregnant woman.

J Lyndsy Storer 1 year ago

Only 3 of them …

Michele Zantop Biggerstaff 1 year ago

I got all of these except #3. I think “just wait until the baby comes” is the worst. Like I’d regret my decision??

Kelsey Alonzo 1 year ago


Meghann 1 year ago

wait, you forgot one.

11. If you see a pregnant women get away as fast you can. Do not approach her and do not try to make small talk. With a long list of things you can’t comment on and a tendency to talk whatever you say as an insult regardless of how it’s intended, it is best to avoid the situation altogether.

Jodi Beatty 1 year ago

I had fracking all of these. Ugh!!

I was exactly 7 days over due and very large. And a mall woman I met for 10 seconds asked me “have you dilated?” I stood there, completely frozen. This woman was asking me about the status of my vagina.

Because I didn’t answer, she added, “at all?”

I said, “I just think that’s an incredibly personal question.”


That one took the cake for me. In all 3 of my pregnancies, that was the one that was enough for me.

    Jodi Beatty 1 year ago


    I should have said, “when’s the last time you spread your legs and let a man into your vagina?”

    “Yeah. Your remark was a bit too personal. Asking a stranger about her vagina the first moment you meet her.”

Leah Dickinson 1 year ago

Totally! People are sooooo annoying.

Kristina Watkins 1 year ago

LMAO. If you aren’t following this yet, I do recommend.

Sandy Birchall 1 year ago

So funny how so many people say these innocently without realizing that it can be so annoying

Sarah Mel 1 year ago

While still pregnant with our second boy, some people acted disappointed when they found out and asked when we would try for a girl….

Sarah Mel 1 year ago

So so true!!!!!

Katie Van Dick 1 year ago

It’s kind of like #5, but I hated being asked, “Were you trying?”

Casey Shea 1 year ago

Almost all of these happened. I actually started threatening people with assault charges if they came up to me and tried to start petting me. And some old lady called me fat so I told her she is calling the kettle black. Made me so damn mad. People have no concern for how stupid they are around pregnant people.

Elizabeth Bush-King 1 year ago

9,8,7,6 and 4 for me

Kristin Hull Richmer 1 year ago

Nikki DeLeon Ewing #nailedit. They also left out “so when is your next one going to happen?” I want to punch people.

Leslie 1 year ago

#1, completely agree. Ugh! I am NOT Buddha, and the only luck you’ll find is that I’m restraining myself from smacking you.

Alicia Mondor 1 year ago

A big yes to all of these.

Mercedes Oettinger 1 year ago

I don’t mind being told that my belly is big, because I know my baby is a healthy and growing being. What I do mind, is being told that I’m “so big” that they “bet I won’t make it to my due date.” So suddenly you’re a doctor, and basically you’re saying you think I’m gonna have a premature baby? Yeah hilarrrriousss.

Andrea Marie 1 year ago

Umm huh??

Sarah Hogan 1 year ago

Cultural differences…when I was pregnant with my lo in Israel, it was SO different than my ones in the US. Strangers would help me with my groceries, get up for me on the bus, say blessings over me and the baby. It was truly a lovely experience comparatively speaking.

Crystal D 1 year ago

I started my day off today as I walked into work with a Co worker asking me if I was having triplets then when I smiled said no I just carry big she asked me if I was this big last time I was pregnant? To which I responded yes yes I was. I had to laugh it off which is better than crying at shit ignorant people say.

Patricia Pigeon 1 year ago

Haha. I was going to say that people are so touchy and should relax a little but when I read this I related to all the points!! One more is telling her she shouldn’t be lifting or bending but at the same time not offering to help her

Marie Greaux Gagliano 1 year ago


Samantha Anderson 1 year ago

Breath wrong.!!!!

Sammiey Olsen 1 year ago

Mallorie Brewer you might appreciate this. “Ass-clown Charlie brown” ahaha. So glad we are done with these! Now we just get “are you breastfeeding? Are they vaccinated? Are you staying at home with them? You’re not putting them in daycare are you?” And so forth. Yay.

Sammiey Olsen 1 year ago

My personal favorite- Is the father in the picture? … Good thing he is or this would be even more painfully awkward. Oh and thanks for reminding me my finger is far too fat for my wedding ring :) just what I wanted to discuss with a stranger!

Alanna Klapp 1 year ago


Brittany Taylor 1 year ago

#1 Would instantly ruin my day

Nicole S’Moore 1 year ago

My personal favorite is when they tell you that they gained “absolutely no weight” while they were pregnant. Stfu!

Alicia Neal 1 year ago

I hate when people commented about the size of my body. It’s wasn’t public property just because I was pregnant. Total strangers would say awful shit!

Jennifer Denson Black 1 year ago

I think every Knucklehead read this article before I was pregnant Mercedes Oettinger! You agree?!! Haha.

Catherine Mitchell 1 year ago

A check out operator at Target used to ask me (quite loudly) about my bowel habits, then would launch into a story about the constipation she suffered in pregnancy. She did this every time I saw her. Every time.

Charlie Park 1 year ago

And I thought all it took was being in the vicinity.

Melissa Daniels 1 year ago

Think I had just about every one done to me at some stage. And my god is it annoying!!!

Bill Fancher 1 year ago

Does she bite??

Tara Taylor Williams 1 year ago

I really enjoy being called “the fat lady” by my uncle.

Dan Boettger 1 year ago

I’m afraid to like this post

Tess M. Manicki 1 year ago

I loved hearing birth stories. And I don’t get why everyone is so damn sensitive about size. You’re pregnant, get over it, you’ve got a baby belly.

Reylanda Clark 1 year ago

When I was pregnant with twins, I carried small. When ppl asked what I was having I’d answer one of each. People would be so excited for twins, yet start to tell me stories about losing a twin during pregnancy, still born births if twins, premature twins that didn’t survive…I felt like they were so insensitive!!

Caitlin 1 year ago

When I found out I was pregnant with my second, my first wad 14 months old. Everyone, literally everyone, asked Me if I knew how babies happend. I so wanted to give smart as answers. The funny part is my second was planned. So yes. I am fully aware how it happens.

Stephania Nicole Nowak 1 year ago

This sounds like for first time moms because by number 3 those things don’t bother me so much. I get mad when you eat the last of something whether I wanted it or not at that moment. I might have wanted it later lol

Melissa Lowry 1 year ago

At the moment, it’s everyone and their dog asking “When is that baby going to come??…. Have you tried this? It worked for me, it’ll definitely work for you” (which it did not btw) 41 weeks pregnant and waiting to be induced hopefully soon is not the time to ask me where my baby is. If I had it, you would know.

Jennifer Kisner 1 year ago

Let’s face it this is a good list but far from even the tip of the iceberg. Me personally… I was pissed off about EVERYTHING during both of my pregnancies.

Suzanne 1 year ago

It has been 8 years since I had my daughter & I STILL remember being pissed about everything on that list!

jenn 1 year ago

It was so awkward when people, especially male coworkes, would ask if I planned to breastfeed. It was always people that I didn’t know well so I never understood why that was their business. One male coworker even asked if I planned to use the “titty room,” known to everyone else as the nursing room. Smh

Christina Prescott 1 year ago

As of right now im 14 weeks and i am very obviously pregnant. People keep saying im having twins or that my due date must be wrong because i shouldn’t be so big. My response has become “the baby is an attention grabber like it’s mother and just wants to be sure that you see it”

Cari Ann Perry 1 year ago

Not only did I get comments on my large belly the first time around and literally have a lady argue with me that the doctor must have gotten my due date incorrect but many other women found it appropriate to comment on my very large breasts…..

Danielle Lorance Gerringer 1 year ago

You forgot tell them you don’t like the name they picked out and that you know a dog with that name…. had that happen to me by someone I barely knew lol

Rachel Johnson 1 year ago

#8 I’m only 4 ’11” and people would actually ask me if I were having TWINS! It pissed me off so bad!

Allison J Grindley 1 year ago

Oh my goodness! I totally agree with all of these!

Eileen 1 year ago

My coment is the size of belly and my boobs and let me tell you I got big not huge bc my daughter was a premie at 1 pound 10 ounces and 12inches long so I do not like the belly coment bc you do not know if maybe they had the baby early and they did not lose the baby fat yet due to stress fatigue or depression so I hate that bc people just assumed I’m pregnant when I had the baby already but did lose right away people need to be careful of pregnant woman period point blank, side note my daughter is 5 now and healthy beautiful sweetie pie

Renee Cherry Krone 1 year ago

These are funny, but really I’m not sure who this happens to. I don’t believe I ever had anyone do these things to me well pregnant.

Laura Inman Sumpter 1 year ago

Yep people kept asking me if I was having a Christmas baby and I was due at the end of May…

Kathryn Manley 1 year ago

Strangers touching my bump.

Brittany Baumbarger Gonzalez 1 year ago

This is awesome!

Lydia Lettrick 1 year ago

Spot on! People can be so so soooooooo rude to pregnant women!
I was so ready to have a shirt made that said
No I’m only having one!
It’s a boy
He’s due August 2
His name is Jesse
I will be nursing
It is none of your business whether he was planned or not!


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