13 Things My Husband Can Learn From My Toddler

12 Comments

toddler

Obviously our three year old son has years of schooling and life lessons ahead of him, but I’ve also noticed that he’s already picked up some positive behaviors that many of us have either forgotten or never learned ourselves. And by “many of us,” I mean my husband.

Of course, I love my husband and his good traits far outweigh the not so good. But I have been seeing some behaviors in our son that I wish my husband would adopt more frequently (and to be honest, I could probably use a refresher course on as well). Like these…

1. When all else fails, try giving a compliment. At my wit’s end, I recently yelled at my son “Why can’t you sit still?” He replied, “Because, Mommy, I love your hair.” Bad behavior? What bad behavior? I was swooning. Damn! A little itty bitty compliment and I forgot why I was upset. Hubby can learn to do this, too. Compliments won’t make my head swell to proportions he cannot live with. Instead, they will make me feel loved, like a schoolgirl whose crush notices her. And, it would turn my frown upside down. Every. Single. Time.

2. Say you’re sorry first, ask questions later (or never). When I am upset, really upset, justified or not, rational or irrational, just say you are sorry. Maybe add in an “I love you” or “Can I give you a hug?” It makes everything better. My son freely says he’s sorry when he sees me upset. My husband, however, needs to understand why I am upset and have a reason to justify an apology before he will offer one. Needless to say, his inquiries don’t usually end with a happier wife.

3. Ask for help. My husband is too proud to ask for help and will spend hours bashing his head against a problem that I might be able to fix in a jiffy. My son feels no such shame. He doesn’t hesitate to ask for help and only feels appreciation for a helping hand.

4. Cuddling is not foreplay. It has a purpose in and of itself. My son has no ulterior motive when he gives or requests affection. Why does my husband think that every hug, kiss, or cuddle is an invitation to pounce on me? On the other hand, I am so grateful he still wants to jump my bones!

5. Fess up. My son is not yet potty trained, but he loudly and proudly announces when he has pooped or tooted. By letting me know, I can run the other way. I wish my hubby did this as well. He needs to start owning his toots, maybe even give me some warning beforehand rather than blaming them on his imaginary friend “Not Me”. While we’re at it, I also wish he’d learn that the air freshener spray in the bathroom isn’t there for decoration purposes only. (I did enjoy a little payback during my pregnancies, however, when I had more gas than the Goodyear Blimp).

6. Seek out my presence and attention. For whatever reason, my son thinks I am a rock star and he is my groupie. He often just wants me to sit next to him no matter what he is doing, and he will also pull up a chair to my desk and hang out while I’m working. As clingy and overbearing as this might seem sometimes, it makes me feel special and loved. My husband, though, prefers to go to his man cave for some alone time. I do understand, encourage, and respect this. However, he only seems to emerge whenever he thinks it’s feeding time or mating season. A little more of wanting to just be in the same room as me because he enjoys my company would be nice for a change. With the chaos that surrounds us, though, I can’t exactly blame him. Maybe I’m just envious I don’t have a cave to retreat into myself.

7. Let loose and have fun. My son can switch gears in an instant to let loose and have fun. I think my husband could stand to join more of our impromptu dance parties. I think we all have to consciously let go of our worries sometimes and just have fun. My husband works so hard to support our family that I want him to be able to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

8. Show some sympathy. If I’m not feeling well or scream in pain when I step on a friggin’ Lego, my son will stroke my hair, sing “sana sana” (a cute little Spanish nursery rhyme), and kiss my boo boo so it will feel better. But unless I have a gaping wound that is gushing blood into a visibly growing pool on the floor, my husband thinks I should grit my teeth and get on with it.

9. Don’t be a drama queen. My little man is one tough toddler. He bumps into solid objects, knows the ground intimately, and gets bumped, bruised, and bitten during playtime. Yet, even though he sometimes looks like Evel Knievel’s stunt double, he never complains. That does have its downside. One time, he had an ear infection that went unnoticed for two weeks because he never let on that his ear hurt.  On the other hand, my husband puts on a show every time he stubs his toe. Jumping up and down, howling in (supposed) pain, you would think he’d been trained by a personal injury lawyer.

10. Express gratitude. My son says thank you all the time, even when it’s not necessary. Me: “I love you.” Him: “Thank you, mommy!” But to get my husband to say thank you for a meal I cooked, it feels like I’m fishing for compliments…with dynamite.

11. The best things to share are laughs and smiles. It doesn’t take much to make my son laugh. He’s pretty much having fun all the time, except when he’s not. My husband has one of the best laughs I know – a cackling, hearty guffaw that is totally infectious. I just wish he would share it more often! I am hoping when we start getting some sleep that we will both lighten up a bit.

12. Be a cheerleader for your family. My son likes to watch his daddy play games on the iPad, and whenever daddy gets a high score he will yell at the top of his lungs, “Good job, daddy!”  But that’s not enough.  He will then interrupt me, “Mommy, mommy!  Excuse me, mommy!  Daddy got three stars!”  Wow, what I wouldn’t give for that kind of acclaim!  This is what a typical conversation looks like with my husband… Me: “I just got published on Scary Mommy!  I’m so excited!  Can you like it on Facebook?”  Husband: “Uuuuuugh.  Can you just log in as me and like it yourself?”

13. Wake up happy. My son pops up in the morning like a jack in the box, bursting with joy. He greets every new day with wonder. His father, not so much. Until he has his cup of coffee, he’s a grump monster. Problem is, he’s not really a coffee drinker. However, he makes me my coffee every morning so at least we both won’t be grouchy.

Comments

  1. 1

    Janina Hult says

    Now, all you need to do is see what your husband does well ;) He makes you coffee (thats really sweet of him). He works hard for his family, even if that means that he can spend less quality time. He seems to have a sense of humour (since he blames his friend “not me” on his farts; even though his farts are something you don’t like, you should see what he makes out of that situation and be grateful for his sense of humour. Now one thing that you can learn too: Do not expect something from him, that you would not expect from yourself. Under point 8 you say that you wished he would show more sympathy when you hurt yourself, but under point 9 you tell him to not be a drama queen when he hurts himself….see the double morale? I am not trying to attack your text though, I think it is really sweet and I’ve read several of your other posts which both made me smile and cry, I’m just trying to communicate how important it is to focus on the positive attributes in a partner. Especially when that’s a man…men who get criticised too much will – alot more than women – feel like they’ve failed their mission. It can be very hurtful for him, to be criticised very often

    • 2

      Sherry Buckner says

      Oh Please…the guy is immature and all about himself. He things his only duty is going to work. If his wife is only there to take care of his needs, why bother? These outdated buffoons need to wake up before being replaced by real men who aren’t still wishing everything in the world revolved around them!

      • 3

        Janina Hult says

        now thats for sure a way of making your life more miserable. we all need to stop searching for problems in eachother. we decide whether we re happy with our lives or not

  2. 4

    Cara P says

    Thanks for your comment! I agree with you. I could write pages about how wonderful my husband is but it would not be as entertaining! We both try to have a sense of humor about our foibles and he thoroughly enjoyed and laughed at this.

    • 5

      Janina Hult says

      hehe :) thats good. as long as we still have an eye for whats positive in life we’ll make our lives so much easier :)

  3. 6

    Mandy says

    Wonderful! I most certainly relate to number 4. I want a back rub. Back rubs do not end in sex. For the love of pete. Our LO is only 8 months old, so you have given me so many sweet things to look forward to! Thank you :)

  4. 7

    Sandy says

    Haha! As a mom of 3 yr old twins and a 16 mth old (without any outside help, as you have mentioned in a previous post), I feel you. My husband needed sleep. Sleep. Sleep. And more sleep. At least that was my experience. He is a completely different person (the one I married coincidentally, not the crank pot I became acquainted with after my twins were born =0). Good luck lady!

  5. 8

    Zoe says

    sleep – will fix a multitude of problems. Maybe even most of them. I mean what good is money or even health without sleep. Been a mom now going on 10 years and I still feel the pang of sleep loss when the kid/dog/husband has me up for some reason in the middle of the night.

  6. 9

    Beth says

    Ya know, I think it’s a bit steep to expect the same simplistic adoration of your husband that you receive from your toddler. Also, it sounds like you’re asking for way more understanding than you’re offering. Oh, and OF COURSE your toddler doesn’t expect more than cuddling after cuddling …. If he did, it would be creepy.
    http://nothingandeverythingbeth.wordpress.com

    • 11

      Sherry Buckner says

      And you sound like a selfish little boy…with no concern about what it costs your wife to always be thinking about everyone else. I bet your wife is starving for attention and help. Better be careful!

  7. 12

    Kat says

    There seem to be a lot of cranky people in this comments section. This post was meant to be funny! Please lighten up and take it in the tongue-in-cheek spirit that was intended. I, for one, enjoyed it :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>