25 Rules for Raising Daughters

88 Comments

hippy-girl

1. Teach your daughter to never allow herself to be anyone’s property and that you will disown her if she ever wears shorts that claim otherwise.

2. Teach your daughter to talk about her feelings – not eat them or purge them. Or if she doesn’t want to talk, teach her to express her feelings through writing, art, music, sports, etc. Anything but food.

3. Teach your daughter to work with what she’s got and love what she’s got. Tall, short, fat, thin, your daughter is beautiful – inside and out. Make sure you tell her all the time and make sure she believes it.

4. Teach your daughter to like and respect herself and demand respect from those around her. She might end up lonely at times, but at least she won’t be a doormat.

5. Teach your daughter that “fish lips” photos are never appropriate and never attractive.

6. Teach your daughter to value herself enough to defend herself – physically and verbally. Let your daughter watch “The Burning Bed.” She’ll never forget it and she’ll always know she has “options” if she finds herself in an abusive relationship.

7. Teach your daughter to go easy on the plastic surgery.

8. Teach your daughter to be strong and confident in her abilities and not be afraid of failure. Teach her that sometimes she will fail, but she can’t let that fear stop her from trying something.

9. Teach your daughter that she has the right to get loud. Make sure she knows girls can get angry, they can have opinions and they can throw “lady like” behavior out the window if necessary.

10. Teach your daughter to never text/email/snail mail naked photos of herself to anyone. Ever. Ever. Ever.

11. Teach your daughter what a “douche canoe” is so she can avoid them.

12. Teach your daughter to never steal her best friend’s boyfriend. That’s just a real skank move. What is it that our mothers always told us? “Boys come and go, but girlfriends are forever.” Still true.

13. Teach your daughter that having her underwear and half her ass hanging out the back of her jeans is not attracting anyone substantial nor does it make her look smart – even in the library.

14. Never let your daughter wear clothing with sexually inappropriate “cutesy” sayings.

15. Teach your daughter that smart girls get further in life than slutty girls.

16. Teach your daughter to walk away from the teen magazines. There is so much pressure put on young girls these days to look pretty or hot it’s nauseating.

17. Don’t let your 9 year old dancer look like a 25 year Pussycat Doll.

18. Teach your daughter that bigger boobs isn’t necessarily a good thing.

19. Don’t let your daughter marry young. Encourage her to get out and see the world, live on her own and figure out who she is and what she wants in a partner before she settles down.

20. Teach your daughter that there’s nothing wrong with staying home on a Friday night and reading a good book, but try to get her to read more than just Chick Lit. Give her The Gift of Fear. This book really empowers women to spot danger signals. Unfortunately in the world we live in, this is an important gift to have.

21. Teach your daughter to beat the boys at their own games.

22. Teach your daughter to be able to laugh at herself and have a sense of humor. There are so many women I meet that say they have a sense of humor, but they really don’t.

23. Teach your daughter that the “Queen Bees” and “Wanna Bees” and “mean girls” are a waste of time and she should just invest in one or two great friends. 

24. Don’t allow her to pierce or tattoo her body until she’s on her own.

25. Teach your daughter that her choices in life are limitless. She really can do anything – except maybe use the Men’s Restroom.

Comments

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  1. 3

    Melinda says

    Love Love Love this! Amazing advice!!! I cant believe that people let their daughters no matter what age dress like the “pussy cats”. Did i say I love this!!

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  2. 4

    Laura says

    Uhm, number 15? That pisses me off. I am extremely educated and also very comfortable with my sexuality. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having multiple sexual partners or even a large number of sexual partners. Your list kind of insinuated that these two things are exclusive and the former is actually negative. Please, let’s all raise our daughters with purity stigmas. I get what you’re trying to say but women can be smart and they can have a wide array of sexual experiences without having to feel shame. Why don’t we tell our daughters that?

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    • 5

      Jessica says

      There is a difference between being comfortable with your sexuality and being slutty. If you are going to have multiple partners, it is important to be safe about it, and it also helps to have a little class while you’re at it. Reckless sexual behavior is negative and dangerous.

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      • 13

        Liz says

        I’m not seeing how #15 should offend anyone. And I agree with cemoma, use your brain, not your vagina to succeed! I don’t think #15 was meant the way Laura thinks it is.

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        • 14

          redchic1978 says

          That is the most stupid responce I’ve ever heard in my life. To teach your daughter that sleeping around is Ok and she should have sex with multiple ppl is disgusting. Are you kidding me! God help your child. Honestly a mother who teaches her daughter that is not only a “slut” but a total dirt ball. Don’t be shocked when your kid is on Jerry Springer… oh wait that would be classy right? You are a moron and shoulda kept that one to yourself.

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          • 15

            Kayla says

            There is a difference between having sex with many people and being slutty. Being an adult and making a conscious decision about sleeping with multiple people (even at once) should not be put down. Walking around in miniskirts with your thong hanging out and a trashy top and dry humping/humping everything with a penis or a strap on is slutty. And if you try to sexually repress your child instead of having informational conversations with them will generally lead to sluttiness.

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          • 16

            Kayla says

            I do see the point though, I agree with Naomi. You should try to talk your daughter out of having sex at all until she is completely ready. And remind her that a lady never kisses and tells. This is also a difference between the sexually open and the slut.

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        • 17

          zendegy says

          as a woman who has been a slut in the multiple partners sense of the word, i agree with you, Liz. i don’t think it has anything to do with how many partners you have, but is about acting like all you have to offer the world is tits and ass and a vagigi. i’m a nerdy girl, not a sex bomb. but i have had a LOT of sexual partners. and no STD’s. i agree with number 15 COMPLETELY!!

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    • 18

      Naomi says

      What #15 is saying is that in school (we’re talking about our daughters, right?) the ‘slutty’ girls are often more popular and lead seemingly more exciting lives than the ‘smart’ girls, but it won’t always be that way.
      If you don’t see anything wrong with having multiple/large number of sex partners, goody for you: You are the 1%. As opposed to the 99% of people in most cultures that believe that there is something wrong with it.
      The opposite of slutty is not having a “purity stigma”…LOL Really, what an absurd line to draw. No one owes your highly unique sensibilities anything. And by the way…being ‘educated’ doesn’t mean being ‘smart’.

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    • 19

      Landry says

      You have a few really good points in this, but oh my goodness at some of your wording. Firstly, why on Earth would I ever teach my daughter she is not “property” but I would “disown” her if she acts as if she is?! Contradictory.

      Secondly, the name calling. Oh my. I will never find it acceptable to call another fellow woman a negative name based on her personal choices with her body. Slutty? Really? Name calling will never be okay with me, at the age of 5, 15, 25. Any age.

      Thirdly, what’s wrong with getting married young? Plenty of women get married young and are happy. If its what she wants, then I am all for it.

      Last thing – what’s wrong with “duck lips” poses? They’re not “cute,” but girls will be girls.

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    • 23

      names12 says

      Agreed! And also, this post talks a lot about beauty, looks, and image. Too much focus what she is wearing and teaching her to hide her body or be ashamed is not a good message, either. This post doesn’t focus on empowering girls or educating them.

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  3. 25

    Jamie says

    I totally agree!! Very good advice. There’s so many crazy things now-a-days that we have to keep an eye on our kids before they head off to the wrong path. Thanks!

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  4. 27

    Mom of the Horde says

    I disagree with 15 and 19… here’s why.

    15. Define “slutty”. I know plenty of intelligent women who are promiscuous. I know plenty of intelligent women who dress in a manner that some people call “slutty”. Heck, I know plenty of women who dress conservatively who are dumber than a box of rocks and play the helpless female card to the max… looks are deceiving.

    19. I’m not going to forbid my children to do anything when they are adults. At that point I’ll have no authority over them. That said, I would definitely not allow them to marry until after their 18th birthday.

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    • 28

      RED says

      ok here is the thing #15 is for raising girls.. in this instance do you want your say 9 to 18 year old daughter going out sleeping with everything that moves just to get ahead in school.. If you are of leagal age and what to go screw everthing under the sun and moon go for it but here is the thing i’m dam sure that if you have a daughter under the legal age you are not going to want them to be out sleeping around..

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    • 29

      Marie says

      I don’t think she said anything about forbidding marriage but from someone who married pretty young (21) and is still married to the same person 21 years later, I can tell you that I am going to tell my daughter to wait until later in life to get married. I was lucky…At 21 there is still so much life to be lived…I want her to go out and experience things on her own and figure out what would be best for her and what kind of person she wants to be with. I have seen too many friends who married young, had 2-3 kids, ended up divorced with no education and had to start over, trying to raise kids and relive all of the partying of their youth they lost while being married. I’m not saying I would not love my daughter or support her any less in the event she decided to do this but I would really tell her to do some souls searching to make sure this is what she wants to do….

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  5. 31

    Jessica says

    I have used the Men’s restrooms on occasion, when my 4 year old has to go, he has to go! That being said, Men’s restrooms are NASTY! wth guys, you are disgusting.

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    • 32

      Nick says

      I’ve had the opposite experience. Every women’s restroom I’ve ever used has been worse than guys. Used tampons laying everywhere. Disgusting.

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  6. 35

    Suzanne says

    I am not a big fan of number 17 and 19. While I don’t want my daughter dressing like a Pussycat doll in general, those dancers in that picture have amazing talent. My daughter is in dance right now and while I don’t necessarily want her wearing outfits like that, I feel like the bigger job is to teach her of her worth and let her govern some of those decisions when she is older. But yes, as a child, I will have to decide whether I see her dance outfits as appropriate.
    Also, I am 100% against number 19. I married at the age of 19 and have been married for 6 wonderful years now. I know many people who married young and while it isnt for everyone, it is for some people. Who am I to tell my daughter not to marry young when that is exactly what I did? I’ll never regret the decision I made and I hope she finds someone, at age 18 or age 40, who makes her as happy as her daddy makes me.

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    • 36

      Daisy says

      I disagree with #19 as well!!! I didn’t get married THAT young…26.5….but I have many friends who got married in their early 20’s who are now almost 30 and they have AMAZING marriages!! If you can find some early on to ‘get out and see the world’ with, why not?? Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a hole and can’t further develop yourself as individuals. I do think that you definitely need to be ‘ready’ to get married but I don’t see how age would limit that. I know 20 year olds who are more ‘ready’ and mature than some of the 35 year olds I know!!

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      • 37

        Marie says

        Daisy…I can tell you that being married 21 years now its NOT easy and it does not get any easier as marriage goes along. I am happily married and getting married young does not equate to a doomed marriage BUT if you look at the numbers, most marriages that being in late teens, early 20’s do end up in divorce. There are many reasons for this and I do not think she is saying disown your child if she does decide to get married young but to at least counsel her to the pitfalls of getting married young. My mom did but ultimately she left it up to me. I was strong enough and my husband was VERY supportive in my pursuit of education. There are men out there that are not…You have to figure that out before you marry. Its not a good thing to find out that you want 4 kids and your husband wants none or you want your children to be raised Catholic and your husband does not want them raised in any religion. These are topics and reasons that DO breakup marriages but people are so in love with the idea of being in love they do not talk about simple things like this.

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        • 38

          Nick says

          Wow, that’s exactly what happened to my most recent girlfriend and I. She wanted four kids and to raise them Catholic. I wanted three at the very most and didn’t want to force religion on them before they understand multiplication.

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  7. 42

    Karen says

    The only one I have to disagree with you on is the slutty one. I would re-write that to say “Teach your daughter that her sexuality is glorious and that she can do whatever (and whoever) she wants.” If she embraces her libido she won’t let anyone take advantage of it.

    Oh, and by the way, have you ever noticed that the girls who were the “mean girls” in high school look like crap when they turn 40. Just sayin’.

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  8. 43

    Carla says

    I agree with most of it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting married young, but it’s not the best solution for everyone. I would say that it is important to teach daughters that just because they are not married at 23 they will not end up a cat lady. Just because they are not married at 29, they are not a cat lady. Teach them to not settle ever, never getting married is better than having a deadbeat ex who you have to deal with because they fathered your children, or being married to someone who won’t let you live the life you want.

    However adventure and career are not for all of us, and I would not change the fact that I married and had kids young. I know many others who would feel the same.

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    • 44

      Daisy says

      Yup!!! How about teaching our girls that being a stay at home mom isn’t any less than having a career??? It’s amazing how many women today look down at those who choose to spend all their time with their kids. WHY is that so wrong?

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      • 45

        zendegy says

        it does make you vulnerable if you do not contribute to the finances or have any way to make your own money in the world. if he leaves you, or dies, what do you do? quite apart from the fact that the one who makes the money is the one who really has the power in this world.
        i want my daughters to be able to stand on their own in life, if that need should arise. that is only possible if they can make as much money as they need to live a decent life on their own. that’s a simple fact that i learned from women whose loving husbands either stopped loving them (which happens to the best of us) or whose husbands and funding sources died. it happens.

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  9. 48

    ksmom says

    I cannot believe so many of you are disagreeing with so much of this.. this is just some general guidelines, NOT telling you how to raise your daughters. And a thing about being a “slut” is more than likely referring to don’t have sex with 15 different people when you are 15, and think about how many stds there are now, and you want your daughters to be comfortable with that?!! Fuck no!! And the tattoo thing, my parents always told me if I wanted a tattoo it had to have some kind of meaning and before I could get it I had to think about it and want it for at least 3 consecutive years making sure I still wanted it. Those bitches are permanent and you will have it forever!! You also have to think about placement with them, get one that can be covered if you have a job that looks down on them!! So you do have to think about something that’s permanent. Piercings are a different story…. those can be taken out!!

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