25 Rules for Raising Daughters


1. Teach your daughter to never allow herself to be anyone’s property and that you will disown her if she ever wears shorts that claim otherwise.

2. Teach your daughter to talk about her feelings – not eat them or purge them. Or if she doesn’t want to talk, teach her to express her feelings through writing, art, music, sports, etc. Anything but food.

3. Teach your daughter to work with what she’s got and love what she’s got. Tall, short, fat, thin, your daughter is beautiful – inside and out. Make sure you tell her all the time and make sure she believes it.

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4. Teach your daughter to like and respect herself and demand respect from those around her. She might end up lonely at times, but at least she won’t be a doormat.

5. Teach your daughter that “fish lips” photos are never appropriate and never attractive.

6. Teach your daughter to value herself enough to defend herself – physically and verbally. Let your daughter watch “The Burning Bed.” She’ll never forget it and she’ll always know she has “options” if she finds herself in an abusive relationship.

7. Teach your daughter to go easy on the plastic surgery.

8. Teach your daughter to be strong and confident in her abilities and not be afraid of failure. Teach her that sometimes she will fail, but she can’t let that fear stop her from trying something.

9. Teach your daughter that she has the right to get loud. Make sure she knows girls can get angry, they can have opinions and they can throw “lady like” behavior out the window if necessary.

10. Teach your daughter to never text/email/snail mail naked photos of herself to anyone. Ever. Ever. Ever.

11. Teach your daughter what a “douche canoe” is so she can avoid them.

12. Teach your daughter to never steal her best friend’s boyfriend. That’s just a real skank move. What is it that our mothers always told us? “Boys come and go, but girlfriends are forever.” Still true.

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13. Teach your daughter that having her underwear and half her ass hanging out the back of her jeans is not attracting anyone substantial nor does it make her look smart – even in the library.

14. Never let your daughter wear clothing with sexually inappropriate “cutesy” sayings.

15. Teach your daughter that smart girls get further in life than slutty girls.

16. Teach your daughter to walk away from the teen magazines. There is so much pressure put on young girls these days to look pretty or hot it’s nauseating.

17. Don’t let your 9 year old dancer look like a 25 year Pussycat Doll.

18. Teach your daughter that bigger boobs isn’t necessarily a good thing.

19. Don’t let your daughter marry young. Encourage her to get out and see the world, live on her own and figure out who she is and what she wants in a partner before she settles down.

20. Teach your daughter that there’s nothing wrong with staying home on a Friday night and reading a good book, but try to get her to read more than just Chick Lit. Give her The Gift of Fear. This book really empowers women to spot danger signals. Unfortunately in the world we live in, this is an important gift to have.

21. Teach your daughter to beat the boys at their own games.

22. Teach your daughter to be able to laugh at herself and have a sense of humor. There are so many women I meet that say they have a sense of humor, but they really don’t.

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23. Teach your daughter that the “Queen Bees” and “Wanna Bees” and “mean girls” are a waste of time and she should just invest in one or two great friends. 

24. Don’t allow her to pierce or tattoo her body until she’s on her own.

25. Teach your daughter that her choices in life are limitless. She really can do anything – except maybe use the Men’s Restroom.

About the writer


Jen Mann is the hilarious author of the blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat and the New York TimesBestseller People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges. She's like Erma Bombeck ... with f-bombs.


Nina 2 months ago

Excuse me, but can’t a girl be smart AND have as much sex as she wants? A girl can wear shorts because it’s hot outside, or because she likes the way they look. Believe it or not, not everything young women/teen girls do is a desperate effort for male attention. In my opinion, it’s better to teach girls that there is no shame in embracing their sexuality, as long as they’re doing it for themselves and not because of pressure from men. (provided they are at the appropriate age for such a discussion)

huawei 3 months ago

the reason I came to this website is me and my daughter (4 years old )both facing the same problem now, bully at work and at school. I defended myself and told off my colleague hard, but the next day morning when I sent my daughter to school, I saw how anther girl told her to move behind in the queue. I stopped her and moved her to the front where she should be. After I came back home, I felt very sad. But I think I found the answer from this article. Value yourself, physically and verbally, respect yourself and let people around you respect you as well.

sandra 8 months ago

Go easy on the plastic surgery but don’t pierce/tattoo your body till you’re out? Makes no sense

sandra 8 months ago

Jen, you’re jumping all over the board here.

Patrick 1 year ago

How is # 7 tell them to go easy on plastic surgery???? Surgery is meant for physical limitations not for people to fix something they think they don’t like. For this to even be part of your rules is ridiculous.

PiercedTeacher 2 years ago

Enough with the judgment on piercings. I see 60 year old ladies with their noses pierced. Piercings are totally fine once the daughter is old enough to know how to properly take care of them. If they take them out, they close up, and most scares are barely even noticeable. If you think nobody will hire them, guess again! Many jobs nowadays say absolutely nothing about piercings, and they’re becoming increasingly more common even in the professional world. I taught at a college with 15 piercing in my ears, two lip rings, and a nose ring. Did my students treat me any differently? Nope. Did my colleagues treat me any differently? Nope.

eve 2 years ago

OMG, some of these comments are hilarious! If you don’t like what you read, don’t follow her blog. Thanks for sharing this great info that people can build upon in their own way.

SWDC 3 years ago

Great article save #15
Who defines slutty? Why is the term used at all? Why almost only when referring to females? Can a “slut” not be intelligent?

SWDC 3 years ago

On board with all but #15. Why are we still calling girls “sluts” for any reason at all? Sexually active, if you feel compelled to label, would be more accurate. But why use these judgmental
descriptors at all? When did it become ok to trash children when they have done something of which you disagree?
If you don’t like the kid steer your children away from him or her and explain why. Communicate the reasons you don’t agree with the behavior, but keep judgment and name-calling out of the conversation.
More important, why would a patent ever pass judgment and participate in the adolescent world of defining a kid based on one quality and writing her off because of a story, one which may or may not be true. Don’t our kids get plenty of that from their peers? Often in a devastating way? Especially given that rumors play such a huge role in gossip and reputations. Are parents taking it out on parents they don’t care for? Setting their daughter up as the girl who would NEVER do something like that? Making themselves feel superior because they are “better parents” and have “better kids”. “My kids would never behave that way.” Really? Maybe, but maybe not.
Planting the seeds of shame in a girl often leads her to devalue herself, should she ever find herself, in a similar situation. And that devaluation creeps into many aspects of self worth.
Regardless of whether we agree or disagree with the behavior; empathy, compassion, and acknowledging that everyone has different values and expectations, are the responses that help others, help our daughters, and help our culture move away from the archaic roles and expectations we place on girls and women. Does anyone feel good about themselves when gossiping and name calling?
Teaching our children these ideas perpetuates inequality (boys are not typically referred to as sluts or whores), feelings of shame, beliefs in pre-determined gender roles, and ideas that the rules are different (they are but shouldn’t we be working on how to change that)? It also hurts these girls during a complex and sensitive time when they need to develop confidence and the ability to value and have trust in themselves to make good decisions based on what is good for them, on their terms. Shaming, denigrating, and gossiping, is adolescent behavior. It’s MEAN and hurts everyone, even your own children.
Have your rules and beliefs, set your limits, all good parenting skills. But stay out of the fray when it comes to dissing other kids and their parents. Do we really ever know the reasons people act the way they do? Do we really know what goes on behind closed doors? Is it the truth or is it the truth born of gossip?
You probably don’t know the whole story and certainly don’t know what is going on with the “slut”. Keep it to yourself. Teach your children your morals, values, and limits but don’t model bad, uncaring and judgmental behavior.
Lastly, since when are girls not smart because the are “sluts”, in the authors words, more accurately, sexually active?

The Mean Mama 3 years ago

I fully support everything but #19 I married young. My hubby and I finished growing up together. We didn’t have to sacrifice our own life for a life together because we didn’t really have our own lives. We were both college students and we worked together to get through college. We weren’t set in our own ways. That being said, we both knew we wanted to be family oriented not career oriented and we both look forward to an early retirement when the two of us can go play and have fun together!
(and #25 if you need to pee the men’s room is stinky, but there is never a line!)
Fully happy that you were bold enough to address the skanky side of raising girls. I once saw panties that said ‘eye candy’ across the front…they were size 6-8 in girls.

tammy 3 years ago

No matter what you say to your daughter YOUR actions will always speak louder!

lisi 3 years ago

Why can’t we be smart and slutty? What does slutty mean anyway?

Karen 3 years ago

As far as #15 — like it or not it’s true. Men will be with whoever lets them be with them. Do you know how many girls/now woman have 2, 3 or 4 kids with all different fathers? And they think that the reason they are single is because all men are a**holes. Face the facts ladies, men want a lady on the streets and a w***e in the sheets but that w***e needs to be his private w***e. Men do not want to be constantly reminded that their woman has been nailed by 90% of the population or that she is labeled as easy to give it up. Being comfortable with your sexuality is one thing, especially if you are using birth control and not using pregnancy as a trap. But you take any guy dating a girl and when she gets to the part that all of her kids have different daddies…. that guy is 90% gone. If she is cute or hot he might stick around to stick it in.

Sue 3 years ago

I cannot believe that women are defending letting their daughter’s become sluts! You do realize that being a slut is a bad thing, right? I want my daughter to be popular, hired for a job and promoted because she is fun and intelligent, not because she is easy or gives BJs in the bathroom.

Who are you mothers?

    The Mean Mama 3 years ago


Courtney 3 years ago

#24, I do not agree with. When I was 14, I wanted piercings. I spent months researching exactly what I wanted, compiling pro’s and con’s and gathering state laws and listing shops and their credentials. I wanted my tongue pierced, not for any sexual reason, but just because I wanted it. I presented my information to my parents and they felt that if I was mature enough to do extensive research on exactly what I wanted as well as form responsible answers to all of their counter protests, I should be able to get my tongue pierced. I had my tongue ring until I was 21 years old and no one besides my parents and my close friends and my boyfriend, who is now my husband, knew that I had it. I felt like it empowered me as a person… not just getting the piercings, but the entire process. Both of my parents actually expressed pride in the entire situation and in my maturity. If you’re child expresses the intelligence and the maturity to do something, you shouldn’t hold them back. I graduated high school, went on to college, got tons of tattoo’s and ended up taking out the tongue piercing and getting a cute little monroe and my parents are still glad that they let me make that decision. I think that rule should include some exceptions, because it’s clearly not always applicable.

Lisa @bitesforbabies 3 years ago

Love these! They started out all serious so I you can imagine how much of a good laugh I had when I got to the funny (yet important to know) ones! Thanks for the laugh this morning! 😉

Vicky B., MSW (@DocSabia) 3 years ago

And as a general comment to the article and in reading many of the comments here:

I think this was a pretty good list. I could not endorse it 100% but I would feel comfortable sharing it with a personal note that some of the points are right on while others, I would have used different language for or stated in a different way!

Not sure why there has to be such angry reactions to normal disagreements lol… I only behave like that with my siblings! 😉

Anyhoo, in the academic community as well as advocate and activist communities that do work or research on girls’ lives and experiences and work on social justice and equality issues, the use of the word “slut” as a negative connotation is a sensitive issue and could be understood as “slut shaming”, but that doesn’t mean we have to attack each other about this observation or understanding.

Since I belong to these communities, I understand those points of concern that some women have brought up.

Still, at the end of the day, whether “slut” is used negatively or understood in an empowered way, I hope the point is, that when someone does call your daughter a slut (when she maybe even hasn’t touched or been touched.. or maybe she has done plenty of that…), she will not be SHAMED by anyone, because no one has that power to shame her.

Teach your daughter to be in command of her body and her feelings so that no one else is!

Thanks for opening up the dialogue with this post!

CarloTheFirst 3 years ago

Hey, I have three daughters, love every single one of these comments but have this to add: when I’m in a Starbucks or hwy rest stop, etc, and there’s a 1-stall men’s bathroom… I use it. My girls were horrified the 1st time around, now it just makes sense if it’s empty. Empowering, yes!!!

lisa williams 3 years ago

I use the men’s washroom all the time.

amy 3 years ago

would LOVE a printable version of this!

Jamie@SouthMainMuse 3 years ago

Great and funny as always but Number 4 is one of my hot buttons. I see so many young, professional women that attach themselves to men who treat them with such little respect. I want to shake them and say “This is your one and only life — demand better. Don’t settle for this.” Queen Bee thing. By now I’ve gotten used to the fact that some women will act like they are in high school for their entire lives. Just don’t understand why — but they do. And the Men’s Room is an option when there is no one there waiting and 20 women are in line for the women’s. Only if it has a lock. I always carry a can of Lysol in my purse for just such occasions.

jessica 3 years ago

Haha i love the list… I have to agree on one thing…. Jenna jamison may have used her vaginia to make her fortune… But she used her brain to figure out how to use her vagaina

Toulouse 3 years ago

Somehow I’ve never read this one. It’s awesome. I just love the “burning bed” reference because I think any man should have a healthy fear of his woman. I’ve made sure to let mine know that if he ever cheats on me, I’ll kill him regardless of the consequences. He laughs, but I think he knows deep down inside that it’s true.

Heather Stippich 3 years ago

Awesome thanks for posting this!! We have already started bringing up some of these topics with our 6 yr. old!! wish my mom would’ve have done this for me!!

susan 3 years ago

And teach your sons, these are the women worth persuing. (Got 2 boys here, no girls)

(As for the “slut” thing, a girl should not be RAISED as a slut, but confident in her sexuality – however she expresses it. Jenna Jamison may have used her vagina to make her fortune but she used her brain to figure out how to use her vagina.)

    Vicky B., MSW (@DocSabia) 3 years ago

    very good point, Susan!

Louis Sgroi Jr 3 years ago

I only have one of these that i need to teach. thank you for this post

Krista 3 years ago

I think the hardest lesson to teach girls these days is to love who they are regardless of what others think. There is so much pressure from media, other kids and other parents to be like the “cool kid” that it’s often really hard for the kid (such as my daughter) who isn’t like everyone else, and really does have a very unique sense of humour and style.
And I agree with a number of the other posters – It’s okay to be ‘slutty’ as long as it’s protected and it’s wanted by both parties involved. Why is it okay for guys to sleep with everything that walks, but not girls.

Teresa 3 years ago

IF you really have to go the men understand….use the the men’s room…it is cleaner! :)

thekitchwitch 3 years ago

In the words of Chris Rock: “Keep your daughter off the pole, people!”

Karen in NJ 3 years ago

Love this list. As for the discussion about the “slutty” item, here’s my interpretation of it: Don’t use your sexuality as your means for getting ahead. The whole “sleep your way to the top” thing is demeaning. Will there be morons who think it anyway? Probably, because just as we have to teach our daughters to respect themselves, we need to teach this generation of sons that women are to be respected for their brains and abilities too. I still run across men who are 10 years younger than me who are badly in need of enlightenment.
I also agree with embracing our sexuality. Not at 15. Good Lord no. But as they move into adulthood, our daughters need to understand that sex is something worth enjoying and that they shouldn’t be embarrassed by the fact that they do enjoy it.

    Jen at PIWTPITT.com 3 years ago

    Ding, ding, ding! Exactly. You understood me completely Karen.

    JD Bailey @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

    YEP. Karen, FTW!

Lisa 3 years ago

My daughter is 17, an only. I hate to think a lot of these lessons are singled out or listed, when, shown by example, it should be a “given”. A non-issue. Also, am I the only one that thinks most of this list should be taught across-the-board? Not limited to the girls, but society in gen? PS-As for the slutty thing-I’m far from stupid, but Jenna Jamison has far exceeded any success I could hope to have!

    zendegy 3 years ago

    excellent point!! it should be taught across the board. in fact, it MUST be!! women raising sons need to teach them all of this, too, and to value women as equal human beings, not as a way to get your rocks off.

Deborrah 3 years ago

Seems like good common sense to me. Why would anyone object to this list? For teen girls of dating age might I recommend my book Sucka Free Love – How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged as a wonderful, down to earth question and answer guide on avoiding what you call “douche canoes.” LOL!!

Liz 3 years ago

I think this is completely fantastic! I see that some women are getting offended by some things, which I find ridiculous considering this is written by a woman – a human being! We all have opinions. Try to see all points of view. I just think #15 is offending some of you for the wrong reason. I now have a step daughter, I would hate to see her value herself based on what she can do with her vagina! I would hope that she realizes her brain is what will get somewhere in life! While I do not think it is a bad thing if you like to have multiple partners, I think this advice was geared towards teens. I don’t think a teenaged girl should be “slutty”. I would rather teach my stepdaughter how to be a strong woman without sex having to be any definition of her. Sex is a personal thing, but we as adult women should at least try to steer our young teens in a better direction. What’s so bad about enforcing brains? I know plenty of “slutty” women who are intelligent, but they didn’t become intelligent by screwing geniuses! They educated themselves!

    Fin 3 years ago

    A LOT of people are now comfortable encouraging their female children to use their brains. Where our society still is found quite a lot lacking is in allowing women their own sexual agency, and this begins quite young. Girls are told they should look appealing (like the article is speaking against), but not put out (what the article is saying – this is the same virgin/whore dichotomy that’s been screwing over women for… well, a very long time.

    How about when we teach our daughter’s #1 and #4, that we also teach that means that they are intellectually capable of making smart decisions about their OWN body, that we believe in their ability to do so and will support them in doing so by giving them access to information that can help in making said decisions, and that means that SHE alone is allowed to make the choice when she is ready for sex.

      Liz 3 years ago

      AGREED! I just think that anyone who gets offended by the thought of #15 and claims they are comfortable with her sexuality is lying. Why would a woman that has multiple partners find it offensive at all if another woman has a different point of view about sex? No one’s opinion affects my life so why should I get offended? I’m pretty comfortable with myself and other women doing what ever they want with their own bodies.

        Fin 3 years ago

        Well, I can tell you that they’re not.

        You’ve said “Why would a woman that has multiple partners find it offensive at all if another woman has a different point of view about sex?” which I suspect expresses where the disconnect lies. I’m not offended that someone else has a different point of view about sex, what upsets me here is that the mother is forcing slut shaming on a daughter that she’s also claiming to be raising to have strength in her individuality and ability to make choices. I agree that I’m pretty comfortable with myself and other women doing whatever they want with their bodies, but we’re talking about *raising children* here, and I think we’d both agree that the lessons our parents tried to teach us, for better or worse, affect us at a greater depth than what just other random women do or say.

          Liz 3 years ago

          Fin, I’m not sure what you’re reading. All I said was that no one should be offended by anything in this blog/list. We are all entitled to our opinions. If someone is offended, then he or she is NOT comfortable with themselves. End of story. If you don’t like what is written here, there is a little “X” button on the upper right hand corner of the computer screen. It really is that simple. Jen was not “slut-shaming”. She didn’t say “shame on sluts”. There was no personal attacks written anywhere on this blog. All she said was that girls with brains get further in life than the slutty ones. Her page, her opinion. Can we please all end this stupid slut debate? I didn’t get my masters in counseling with my vagina. Jenna Jamison got paid for her vagina. YIPPIE!!! Are we done now? Seriously!!

          Fin 3 years ago

          Liz, and I’m disagreeing. I do not agree that if someone is offended by something, that they’re inherently not comfortable with themselves. If someone had said something racist, and a bunch of people had taken offense at that, would you have told them that they were offended just because they weren’t comfortable being whatever race they are? It seems like a pretty ridiculous premise to me, honestly.

          The saying “hit the little x” certainly doesn’t help, either. It’s a very immature, “well then take your toys home” sort of thing.

          “Her page, her opinions” is true, but having someone post in a public place where there is a bloody comments section inherently means that whilst she’s able to state her opinion, so are OTHER PEOPLE.

          Saying that girls that use their brains get further than slutty ones is slut-shaming because it creates a false dichotomy between the two.

          It’s not so far BEEN a debate, as I’ve not actually heard any reasoned response.

          For someone who says that anyone who gets offended isn’t comfortable with themselves, you sure are trying to shut people down who are simply expressing an opinion, and appeal to be getting offended to me.

          Liz 3 years ago

          There is a huge difference between disagreeing and taking offense. If anyone is offended by a written or verbal statement, it is because he or she sees a truth about themselves within the statement. If a person simply disagrees with a statement, then he or she is comfortable enough to have a civil debate on the matter or to walk away without saying anything. I agree that slutty girls can be just as smart as non-slutty girls. This is a blog, not a dissertation on sluts. Jen was simply trying to say teach your daughter not to use sexuality to gain success.

Beachy 3 years ago

Love it!
But I wish you had taken a minute to blur out the faces of the little girl wearing the hooter in training shirt and the little pussycat girl faces, just sayin…..
Although someone chose to exploit them doesnt mean it should continue on a website that empowers women.

    Tonya Nichols 3 years ago

    This might just be the only worthwhile point of difference listed on here. It will make me approach any similar projects with that in mind. Thank you, Beachy.

ksmom 3 years ago

I cannot believe so many of you are disagreeing with so much of this.. this is just some general guidelines, NOT telling you how to raise your daughters. And a thing about being a “slut” is more than likely referring to don’t have sex with 15 different people when you are 15, and think about how many stds there are now, and you want your daughters to be comfortable with that?!! Fuck no!! And the tattoo thing, my parents always told me if I wanted a tattoo it had to have some kind of meaning and before I could get it I had to think about it and want it for at least 3 consecutive years making sure I still wanted it. Those bitches are permanent and you will have it forever!! You also have to think about placement with them, get one that can be covered if you have a job that looks down on them!! So you do have to think about something that’s permanent. Piercings are a different story…. those can be taken out!!

Lisa Gonzalez 3 years ago

Love this list may need to print it and share with others ( may I?). Some of the comments made me lol. Really?!?!?!

Amy 3 years ago

“Hooter’s Girl In Training?!?!” Seriously!? Is that real?

I love this list. Well done.

Carla 3 years ago

I agree with most of it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting married young, but it’s not the best solution for everyone. I would say that it is important to teach daughters that just because they are not married at 23 they will not end up a cat lady. Just because they are not married at 29, they are not a cat lady. Teach them to not settle ever, never getting married is better than having a deadbeat ex who you have to deal with because they fathered your children, or being married to someone who won’t let you live the life you want.

However adventure and career are not for all of us, and I would not change the fact that I married and had kids young. I know many others who would feel the same.

    Daisy 3 years ago

    Yup!!! How about teaching our girls that being a stay at home mom isn’t any less than having a career??? It’s amazing how many women today look down at those who choose to spend all their time with their kids. WHY is that so wrong?

      zendegy 3 years ago

      it does make you vulnerable if you do not contribute to the finances or have any way to make your own money in the world. if he leaves you, or dies, what do you do? quite apart from the fact that the one who makes the money is the one who really has the power in this world.
      i want my daughters to be able to stand on their own in life, if that need should arise. that is only possible if they can make as much money as they need to live a decent life on their own. that’s a simple fact that i learned from women whose loving husbands either stopped loving them (which happens to the best of us) or whose husbands and funding sources died. it happens.

Karen 3 years ago

The only one I have to disagree with you on is the slutty one. I would re-write that to say “Teach your daughter that her sexuality is glorious and that she can do whatever (and whoever) she wants.” If she embraces her libido she won’t let anyone take advantage of it.

Oh, and by the way, have you ever noticed that the girls who were the “mean girls” in high school look like crap when they turn 40. Just sayin’.

The Tucson Songstress 3 years ago

Love this! Shared this awesome words of advice to all my Facebookers and Tweeters! Thanks for writing this awesome post!

Natalie 3 years ago

I totally use the men’s room.

Jessica 3 years ago

#2 should be “anything but food or drugs”.

Suzanne 3 years ago

I am not a big fan of number 17 and 19. While I don’t want my daughter dressing like a Pussycat doll in general, those dancers in that picture have amazing talent. My daughter is in dance right now and while I don’t necessarily want her wearing outfits like that, I feel like the bigger job is to teach her of her worth and let her govern some of those decisions when she is older. But yes, as a child, I will have to decide whether I see her dance outfits as appropriate.
Also, I am 100% against number 19. I married at the age of 19 and have been married for 6 wonderful years now. I know many people who married young and while it isnt for everyone, it is for some people. Who am I to tell my daughter not to marry young when that is exactly what I did? I’ll never regret the decision I made and I hope she finds someone, at age 18 or age 40, who makes her as happy as her daddy makes me.

    Daisy 3 years ago

    I disagree with #19 as well!!! I didn’t get married THAT young…26.5….but I have many friends who got married in their early 20’s who are now almost 30 and they have AMAZING marriages!! If you can find some early on to ‘get out and see the world’ with, why not?? Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a hole and can’t further develop yourself as individuals. I do think that you definitely need to be ‘ready’ to get married but I don’t see how age would limit that. I know 20 year olds who are more ‘ready’ and mature than some of the 35 year olds I know!!

      Marie 3 years ago

      Daisy…I can tell you that being married 21 years now its NOT easy and it does not get any easier as marriage goes along. I am happily married and getting married young does not equate to a doomed marriage BUT if you look at the numbers, most marriages that being in late teens, early 20’s do end up in divorce. There are many reasons for this and I do not think she is saying disown your child if she does decide to get married young but to at least counsel her to the pitfalls of getting married young. My mom did but ultimately she left it up to me. I was strong enough and my husband was VERY supportive in my pursuit of education. There are men out there that are not…You have to figure that out before you marry. Its not a good thing to find out that you want 4 kids and your husband wants none or you want your children to be raised Catholic and your husband does not want them raised in any religion. These are topics and reasons that DO breakup marriages but people are so in love with the idea of being in love they do not talk about simple things like this.

        Nick 3 years ago

        Wow, that’s exactly what happened to my most recent girlfriend and I. She wanted four kids and to raise them Catholic. I wanted three at the very most and didn’t want to force religion on them before they understand multiplication.

MILF Runner 3 years ago

Based on my personal experience, she can even use the men’s restroom. Especially at a concert, sporting event or crowded bar.

    The Mean Mama 3 years ago

    As a fellow runner I concur, You can use any bathroom you want!
    When you gotta pee you gotta pee!

Jessica 3 years ago

I have used the Men’s restrooms on occasion, when my 4 year old has to go, he has to go! That being said, Men’s restrooms are NASTY! wth guys, you are disgusting.

    Nick 3 years ago

    I’ve had the opposite experience. Every women’s restroom I’ve ever used has been worse than guys. Used tampons laying everywhere. Disgusting.

Mamarific 3 years ago

Thank you for teaching me the definition of “douche canoe.” I feel so hip now! And great list, btw.

Mom of the Horde 3 years ago

I disagree with 15 and 19… here’s why.

15. Define “slutty”. I know plenty of intelligent women who are promiscuous. I know plenty of intelligent women who dress in a manner that some people call “slutty”. Heck, I know plenty of women who dress conservatively who are dumber than a box of rocks and play the helpless female card to the max… looks are deceiving.

19. I’m not going to forbid my children to do anything when they are adults. At that point I’ll have no authority over them. That said, I would definitely not allow them to marry until after their 18th birthday.

    RED 3 years ago

    ok here is the thing #15 is for raising girls.. in this instance do you want your say 9 to 18 year old daughter going out sleeping with everything that moves just to get ahead in school.. If you are of leagal age and what to go screw everthing under the sun and moon go for it but here is the thing i’m dam sure that if you have a daughter under the legal age you are not going to want them to be out sleeping around..

    Marie 3 years ago

    I don’t think she said anything about forbidding marriage but from someone who married pretty young (21) and is still married to the same person 21 years later, I can tell you that I am going to tell my daughter to wait until later in life to get married. I was lucky…At 21 there is still so much life to be lived…I want her to go out and experience things on her own and figure out what would be best for her and what kind of person she wants to be with. I have seen too many friends who married young, had 2-3 kids, ended up divorced with no education and had to start over, trying to raise kids and relive all of the partying of their youth they lost while being married. I’m not saying I would not love my daughter or support her any less in the event she decided to do this but I would really tell her to do some souls searching to make sure this is what she wants to do….

Heather O. 3 years ago

I love this article! Really wonderful advice here!

Jamie 3 years ago

I totally agree!! Very good advice. There’s so many crazy things now-a-days that we have to keep an eye on our kids before they head off to the wrong path. Thanks!

Regina 3 years ago

Great tips! Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more about these. You put it very well!

Laura 3 years ago

Uhm, number 15? That pisses me off. I am extremely educated and also very comfortable with my sexuality. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having multiple sexual partners or even a large number of sexual partners. Your list kind of insinuated that these two things are exclusive and the former is actually negative. Please, let’s all raise our daughters with purity stigmas. I get what you’re trying to say but women can be smart and they can have a wide array of sexual experiences without having to feel shame. Why don’t we tell our daughters that?

    Jessica 3 years ago

    There is a difference between being comfortable with your sexuality and being slutty. If you are going to have multiple partners, it is important to be safe about it, and it also helps to have a little class while you’re at it. Reckless sexual behavior is negative and dangerous.

      Laura 3 years ago

      But slutty is completely relative. As is class. This only seems quantifiable because our society has a culture that makes slut shaming okay. These are not actually traits that remain static throughout time or across cultures.

    Erika 3 years ago

    yes, the word slut is actually considered a compliment in some cultures, as well

    cemoma 3 years ago

    I think what she was trying to say is use your brain to succeed and not your vagina.

      Liz 3 years ago

      I’m not seeing how #15 should offend anyone. And I agree with cemoma, use your brain, not your vagina to succeed! I don’t think #15 was meant the way Laura thinks it is.

        Kayla 3 years ago

        There is a difference between having sex with many people and being slutty. Being an adult and making a conscious decision about sleeping with multiple people (even at once) should not be put down. Walking around in miniskirts with your thong hanging out and a trashy top and dry humping/humping everything with a penis or a strap on is slutty. And if you try to sexually repress your child instead of having informational conversations with them will generally lead to sluttiness.

    Naomi 3 years ago

    What #15 is saying is that in school (we’re talking about our daughters, right?) the ‘slutty’ girls are often more popular and lead seemingly more exciting lives than the ‘smart’ girls, but it won’t always be that way.
    If you don’t see anything wrong with having multiple/large number of sex partners, goody for you: You are the 1%. As opposed to the 99% of people in most cultures that believe that there is something wrong with it.
    The opposite of slutty is not having a “purity stigma”…LOL Really, what an absurd line to draw. No one owes your highly unique sensibilities anything. And by the way…being ‘educated’ doesn’t mean being ‘smart’.

    Landry 3 years ago

    You have a few really good points in this, but oh my goodness at some of your wording. Firstly, why on Earth would I ever teach my daughter she is not “property” but I would “disown” her if she acts as if she is?! Contradictory.

    Secondly, the name calling. Oh my. I will never find it acceptable to call another fellow woman a negative name based on her personal choices with her body. Slutty? Really? Name calling will never be okay with me, at the age of 5, 15, 25. Any age.

    Thirdly, what’s wrong with getting married young? Plenty of women get married young and are happy. If its what she wants, then I am all for it.

    Last thing – what’s wrong with “duck lips” poses? They’re not “cute,” but girls will be girls.

      Jenny 3 years ago

      i completely agree with you!

      names12 2 years ago

      I agree, too. This article is ridiculous.

    Mel 2 years ago

    I agree with you, Laura. Slut shaming is pathetic. Quite a few of these “rules” rubbed me the wrong way.

    names12 2 years ago

    Agreed! And also, this post talks a lot about beauty, looks, and image. Too much focus what she is wearing and teaching her to hide her body or be ashamed is not a good message, either. This post doesn’t focus on empowering girls or educating them.

Melinda 3 years ago

Love Love Love this! Amazing advice!!! I cant believe that people let their daughters no matter what age dress like the “pussy cats”. Did i say I love this!!

lesbomom 3 years ago

I agree. I love Jen. I just found her blog recently and have begun to stalk her ritually. I mean…of course, follow her blog.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

I was wondering if you and Jen were ever going to get together. This is a whole lotta awesome on one website!


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