Rules for Raising Daughters

Jen

Jen

Jen is the hilarious author at the blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat and the best-selling book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat. She's like Erma Bombeck . . . with f-bombs.
Jen

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25 Rules for Raising Daughters

 

1. Teach your daughter to never allow herself to be anyone’s property and that you will disown her if she ever wears shorts that claim otherwise.

 

Rules for Daughters: They are no one's property

 

2. Teach your daughter to talk about her feelings – not eat them or purge them. Or if she doesn’t want to talk, teach her to express her feelings through writing, art, music, sports, etc. Anything but food.

 

3. Teach your daughter to work with what she’s got and love what she’s got. Tall, short, fat, thin, your daughter is beautiful – inside and out. Make sure you tell her all the time and make sure she believes it.

 

Rules for Daughters: Work with what she's got

 

4. Teach your daughter to like and respect herself and demand respect from those around her. She might end up lonely at times, but at least she won’t be a doormat.

 

5. Teach your daughter that “fish lips” photos are never appropriate and never attractive.

 

Rules for Daughters: Fish lips are never appropriate

 

6. Teach your daughter to value herself enough to defend herself – physically and verbally. Let your daughter watch “The Burning Bed.” She’ll never forget it and she’ll always know she has “options” if she finds herself in an abusive relationship.

 

7. Teach your daughter to go easy on the plastic surgery.

 

Rules for Daughters: Go easy on the plastic surgery

 

8. Teach your daughter to be strong and confident in her abilities and not be afraid of failure. Teach her that sometimes she will fail, but she can’t let that fear stop her from trying something.

 

9. Teach your daughter that she has the right to get loud. Make sure she knows girls can get angry, they can have opinions and they can throw “lady like” behavior out the window if necessary.

 

10. Teach your daughter to never text/email/snail mail naked photos of herself to anyone. Ever. Ever. Ever.

 

11. Teach your daughter what a douche canoe is so she can avoid them.

 

Rules for Daughters: Avoid douche canoes

 

12. Teach your daughter to never steal her best friend’s boyfriend. That’s just a real skank move. What is it that our mothers always told us? “Boys come and go, but girlfriends are forever.” Still true.

 

13. Teach your daughter that having her underwear and half her ass hanging out the back of her jeans is not attracting anyone substantial nor does it make her look smart – even in the library.

 

Rules for Daughters: Thong showing is wrong

 

14. Never let your daughter wear clothing with sexually inappropriate “cutesy” sayings.

 

15. Teach your daughter that smart girls get further in life than slutty girls.

 

16. Teach your daughter to walk away from the teen magazines. There is so much pressure put on young girls these days to look pretty or hot it’s nauseating.

 

17. Don’t let your 9 year old dancer look like a 25 year Pussycat Doll.

 

Rules for Daughters: Age appropriate clothing

 

18. Teach your daughter that bigger boobs isn’t necessarily a good thing.

 

Rules for Daughters: Bigger boobs isn't always better

 

19. Don’t let your daughter marry young. Encourage her to get out and see the world, live on her own and figure out who she is and what she wants in a partner before she settles down.

 

20. Teach your daughter that there’s nothing wrong with staying home on a Friday night and reading a good book, but try to get her to read more than just Chick Lit. Give her The Gift of Fear. This book really empowers women to spot danger signals. Unfortunately in the world we live in, this is an important gift to have.

 

21. Teach your daughter to beat the boys at their own games.

 

22. Teach your daughter to be able to laugh at herself and have a sense of humor. There are so many women I meet that say they have a sense of humor, but they really don’t.

 

23. Teach your daughter that the “Queen Bees” and “Wanna Bees” and “mean girls” are a waste of time and she should just invest in one or two great friends.

 

24. Don’t allow her to pierce or tattoo her body until she’s on her own.

 

25. Teach your daughter that her choices in life are limitless. She really can do anything – except maybe use the Men’s Restroom.

 

Around the web

{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Rebeccah January 9, 2013 at 7:51 pm

I was wondering if you and Jen were ever going to get together. This is a whole lotta awesome on one website!
Rebeccah recently posted..George the Underhorse

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2 lesbomom January 9, 2013 at 7:53 pm

I agree. I love Jen. I just found her blog recently and have begun to stalk her ritually. I mean…of course, follow her blog.

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3 Melinda January 9, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Love Love Love this! Amazing advice!!! I cant believe that people let their daughters no matter what age dress like the “pussy cats”. Did i say I love this!!

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4 Laura January 9, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Uhm, number 15? That pisses me off. I am extremely educated and also very comfortable with my sexuality. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having multiple sexual partners or even a large number of sexual partners. Your list kind of insinuated that these two things are exclusive and the former is actually negative. Please, let’s all raise our daughters with purity stigmas. I get what you’re trying to say but women can be smart and they can have a wide array of sexual experiences without having to feel shame. Why don’t we tell our daughters that?

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5 Jessica January 9, 2013 at 8:38 pm

There is a difference between being comfortable with your sexuality and being slutty. If you are going to have multiple partners, it is important to be safe about it, and it also helps to have a little class while you’re at it. Reckless sexual behavior is negative and dangerous.

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6 Laura January 9, 2013 at 8:50 pm

But slutty is completely relative. As is class. This only seems quantifiable because our society has a culture that makes slut shaming okay. These are not actually traits that remain static throughout time or across cultures.

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7 Dawn Keybals January 10, 2013 at 12:48 am

Well, the slut has spoken….

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8 Lynn January 10, 2013 at 5:34 pm

A slut is a slut in any culture, one that is lose with their morals, sorry but that is that

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9 Erika January 9, 2013 at 9:38 pm

yes, the word slut is actually considered a compliment in some cultures, as well

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10 Amanda January 9, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Thank you! You read my mind.

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11 Amanda January 9, 2013 at 9:46 pm

(To Laura.)

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12 cemoma January 9, 2013 at 10:29 pm

I think what she was trying to say is use your brain to succeed and not your vagina.

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13 Liz January 9, 2013 at 10:45 pm

I’m not seeing how #15 should offend anyone. And I agree with cemoma, use your brain, not your vagina to succeed! I don’t think #15 was meant the way Laura thinks it is.

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14 redchic1978 January 10, 2013 at 4:30 am

That is the most stupid responce I’ve ever heard in my life. To teach your daughter that sleeping around is Ok and she should have sex with multiple ppl is disgusting. Are you kidding me! God help your child. Honestly a mother who teaches her daughter that is not only a “slut” but a total dirt ball. Don’t be shocked when your kid is on Jerry Springer… oh wait that would be classy right? You are a moron and shoulda kept that one to yourself.

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15 Kayla January 17, 2013 at 12:32 am

There is a difference between having sex with many people and being slutty. Being an adult and making a conscious decision about sleeping with multiple people (even at once) should not be put down. Walking around in miniskirts with your thong hanging out and a trashy top and dry humping/humping everything with a penis or a strap on is slutty. And if you try to sexually repress your child instead of having informational conversations with them will generally lead to sluttiness.

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16 Kayla January 17, 2013 at 12:34 am

I do see the point though, I agree with Naomi. You should try to talk your daughter out of having sex at all until she is completely ready. And remind her that a lady never kisses and tells. This is also a difference between the sexually open and the slut.

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17 zendegy January 19, 2013 at 7:46 am

as a woman who has been a slut in the multiple partners sense of the word, i agree with you, Liz. i don’t think it has anything to do with how many partners you have, but is about acting like all you have to offer the world is tits and ass and a vagigi. i’m a nerdy girl, not a sex bomb. but i have had a LOT of sexual partners. and no STD’s. i agree with number 15 COMPLETELY!!

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18 Naomi January 10, 2013 at 4:02 pm

What #15 is saying is that in school (we’re talking about our daughters, right?) the ‘slutty’ girls are often more popular and lead seemingly more exciting lives than the ‘smart’ girls, but it won’t always be that way.
If you don’t see anything wrong with having multiple/large number of sex partners, goody for you: You are the 1%. As opposed to the 99% of people in most cultures that believe that there is something wrong with it.
The opposite of slutty is not having a “purity stigma”…LOL Really, what an absurd line to draw. No one owes your highly unique sensibilities anything. And by the way…being ‘educated’ doesn’t mean being ‘smart’.
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19 Landry March 22, 2013 at 10:08 pm

You have a few really good points in this, but oh my goodness at some of your wording. Firstly, why on Earth would I ever teach my daughter she is not “property” but I would “disown” her if she acts as if she is?! Contradictory.

Secondly, the name calling. Oh my. I will never find it acceptable to call another fellow woman a negative name based on her personal choices with her body. Slutty? Really? Name calling will never be okay with me, at the age of 5, 15, 25. Any age.

Thirdly, what’s wrong with getting married young? Plenty of women get married young and are happy. If its what she wants, then I am all for it.

Last thing – what’s wrong with “duck lips” poses? They’re not “cute,” but girls will be girls.

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20 Regina January 9, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Great tips! Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more about these. You put it very well!
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21 Jamie January 9, 2013 at 7:57 pm

I totally agree!! Very good advice. There’s so many crazy things now-a-days that we have to keep an eye on our kids before they head off to the wrong path. Thanks!

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22 Heather O. January 9, 2013 at 8:04 pm

I love this article! Really wonderful advice here!
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23 Mom of the Horde January 9, 2013 at 8:08 pm

I disagree with 15 and 19… here’s why.

15. Define “slutty”. I know plenty of intelligent women who are promiscuous. I know plenty of intelligent women who dress in a manner that some people call “slutty”. Heck, I know plenty of women who dress conservatively who are dumber than a box of rocks and play the helpless female card to the max… looks are deceiving.

19. I’m not going to forbid my children to do anything when they are adults. At that point I’ll have no authority over them. That said, I would definitely not allow them to marry until after their 18th birthday.

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24 RED January 17, 2013 at 9:55 pm

ok here is the thing #15 is for raising girls.. in this instance do you want your say 9 to 18 year old daughter going out sleeping with everything that moves just to get ahead in school.. If you are of leagal age and what to go screw everthing under the sun and moon go for it but here is the thing i’m dam sure that if you have a daughter under the legal age you are not going to want them to be out sleeping around..

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25 Marie February 5, 2013 at 11:24 am

I don’t think she said anything about forbidding marriage but from someone who married pretty young (21) and is still married to the same person 21 years later, I can tell you that I am going to tell my daughter to wait until later in life to get married. I was lucky…At 21 there is still so much life to be lived…I want her to go out and experience things on her own and figure out what would be best for her and what kind of person she wants to be with. I have seen too many friends who married young, had 2-3 kids, ended up divorced with no education and had to start over, trying to raise kids and relive all of the partying of their youth they lost while being married. I’m not saying I would not love my daughter or support her any less in the event she decided to do this but I would really tell her to do some souls searching to make sure this is what she wants to do….

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26 Mamarific January 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Thank you for teaching me the definition of “douche canoe.” I feel so hip now! And great list, btw.
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27 Jessica January 9, 2013 at 8:22 pm

I have used the Men’s restrooms on occasion, when my 4 year old has to go, he has to go! That being said, Men’s restrooms are NASTY! wth guys, you are disgusting.
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28 Nick May 16, 2013 at 4:59 pm

I’ve had the opposite experience. Every women’s restroom I’ve ever used has been worse than guys. Used tampons laying everywhere. Disgusting.

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29 MILF Runner January 9, 2013 at 8:22 pm

Based on my personal experience, she can even use the men’s restroom. Especially at a concert, sporting event or crowded bar.
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30 The Mean Mama April 13, 2013 at 4:07 pm

As a fellow runner I concur, You can use any bathroom you want!
When you gotta pee you gotta pee!

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31 Suzanne January 9, 2013 at 8:30 pm

I am not a big fan of number 17 and 19. While I don’t want my daughter dressing like a Pussycat doll in general, those dancers in that picture have amazing talent. My daughter is in dance right now and while I don’t necessarily want her wearing outfits like that, I feel like the bigger job is to teach her of her worth and let her govern some of those decisions when she is older. But yes, as a child, I will have to decide whether I see her dance outfits as appropriate.
Also, I am 100% against number 19. I married at the age of 19 and have been married for 6 wonderful years now. I know many people who married young and while it isnt for everyone, it is for some people. Who am I to tell my daughter not to marry young when that is exactly what I did? I’ll never regret the decision I made and I hope she finds someone, at age 18 or age 40, who makes her as happy as her daddy makes me.

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32 Daisy January 11, 2013 at 2:16 am

I disagree with #19 as well!!! I didn’t get married THAT young…26.5….but I have many friends who got married in their early 20′s who are now almost 30 and they have AMAZING marriages!! If you can find some early on to ‘get out and see the world’ with, why not?? Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a hole and can’t further develop yourself as individuals. I do think that you definitely need to be ‘ready’ to get married but I don’t see how age would limit that. I know 20 year olds who are more ‘ready’ and mature than some of the 35 year olds I know!!

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33 Marie February 5, 2013 at 11:30 am

Daisy…I can tell you that being married 21 years now its NOT easy and it does not get any easier as marriage goes along. I am happily married and getting married young does not equate to a doomed marriage BUT if you look at the numbers, most marriages that being in late teens, early 20′s do end up in divorce. There are many reasons for this and I do not think she is saying disown your child if she does decide to get married young but to at least counsel her to the pitfalls of getting married young. My mom did but ultimately she left it up to me. I was strong enough and my husband was VERY supportive in my pursuit of education. There are men out there that are not…You have to figure that out before you marry. Its not a good thing to find out that you want 4 kids and your husband wants none or you want your children to be raised Catholic and your husband does not want them raised in any religion. These are topics and reasons that DO breakup marriages but people are so in love with the idea of being in love they do not talk about simple things like this.

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34 Nick May 16, 2013 at 5:03 pm

Wow, that’s exactly what happened to my most recent girlfriend and I. She wanted four kids and to raise them Catholic. I wanted three at the very most and didn’t want to force religion on them before they understand multiplication.

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35 Jessica January 9, 2013 at 8:44 pm

#2 should be “anything but food or drugs”.

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36 Natalie January 9, 2013 at 8:50 pm

I totally use the men’s room.

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37 The Tucson Songstress January 9, 2013 at 8:56 pm

Love this! Shared this awesome words of advice to all my Facebookers and Tweeters! Thanks for writing this awesome post!

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38 Karen January 9, 2013 at 9:00 pm

The only one I have to disagree with you on is the slutty one. I would re-write that to say “Teach your daughter that her sexuality is glorious and that she can do whatever (and whoever) she wants.” If she embraces her libido she won’t let anyone take advantage of it.

Oh, and by the way, have you ever noticed that the girls who were the “mean girls” in high school look like crap when they turn 40. Just sayin’.

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39 Carla January 9, 2013 at 9:46 pm

I agree with most of it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting married young, but it’s not the best solution for everyone. I would say that it is important to teach daughters that just because they are not married at 23 they will not end up a cat lady. Just because they are not married at 29, they are not a cat lady. Teach them to not settle ever, never getting married is better than having a deadbeat ex who you have to deal with because they fathered your children, or being married to someone who won’t let you live the life you want.

However adventure and career are not for all of us, and I would not change the fact that I married and had kids young. I know many others who would feel the same.

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40 Daisy January 11, 2013 at 2:19 am

Yup!!! How about teaching our girls that being a stay at home mom isn’t any less than having a career??? It’s amazing how many women today look down at those who choose to spend all their time with their kids. WHY is that so wrong?

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41 zendegy January 19, 2013 at 7:53 am

it does make you vulnerable if you do not contribute to the finances or have any way to make your own money in the world. if he leaves you, or dies, what do you do? quite apart from the fact that the one who makes the money is the one who really has the power in this world.
i want my daughters to be able to stand on their own in life, if that need should arise. that is only possible if they can make as much money as they need to live a decent life on their own. that’s a simple fact that i learned from women whose loving husbands either stopped loving them (which happens to the best of us) or whose husbands and funding sources died. it happens.

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42 Amy January 9, 2013 at 9:54 pm

“Hooter’s Girl In Training?!?!” Seriously!? Is that real?

I love this list. Well done.
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43 Lisa Gonzalez January 9, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Love this list may need to print it and share with others ( may I?). Some of the comments made me lol. Really?!?!?!

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44 ksmom January 9, 2013 at 10:13 pm

I cannot believe so many of you are disagreeing with so much of this.. this is just some general guidelines, NOT telling you how to raise your daughters. And a thing about being a “slut” is more than likely referring to don’t have sex with 15 different people when you are 15, and think about how many stds there are now, and you want your daughters to be comfortable with that?!! Fuck no!! And the tattoo thing, my parents always told me if I wanted a tattoo it had to have some kind of meaning and before I could get it I had to think about it and want it for at least 3 consecutive years making sure I still wanted it. Those bitches are permanent and you will have it forever!! You also have to think about placement with them, get one that can be covered if you have a job that looks down on them!! So you do have to think about something that’s permanent. Piercings are a different story…. those can be taken out!!

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45 Beachy January 9, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Love it!
But I wish you had taken a minute to blur out the faces of the little girl wearing the hooter in training shirt and the little pussycat girl faces, just sayin…..
Although someone chose to exploit them doesnt mean it should continue on a website that empowers women.

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46 Tonya Nichols January 10, 2013 at 1:36 am

This might just be the only worthwhile point of difference listed on here. It will make me approach any similar projects with that in mind. Thank you, Beachy.

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47 Liz January 9, 2013 at 10:59 pm

I think this is completely fantastic! I see that some women are getting offended by some things, which I find ridiculous considering this is written by a woman – a human being! We all have opinions. Try to see all points of view. I just think #15 is offending some of you for the wrong reason. I now have a step daughter, I would hate to see her value herself based on what she can do with her vagina! I would hope that she realizes her brain is what will get somewhere in life! While I do not think it is a bad thing if you like to have multiple partners, I think this advice was geared towards teens. I don’t think a teenaged girl should be “slutty”. I would rather teach my stepdaughter how to be a strong woman without sex having to be any definition of her. Sex is a personal thing, but we as adult women should at least try to steer our young teens in a better direction. What’s so bad about enforcing brains? I know plenty of “slutty” women who are intelligent, but they didn’t become intelligent by screwing geniuses! They educated themselves!

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48 Fin January 10, 2013 at 1:46 am

A LOT of people are now comfortable encouraging their female children to use their brains. Where our society still is found quite a lot lacking is in allowing women their own sexual agency, and this begins quite young. Girls are told they should look appealing (like the article is speaking against), but not put out (what the article is saying – this is the same virgin/whore dichotomy that’s been screwing over women for… well, a very long time.

How about when we teach our daughter’s #1 and #4, that we also teach that means that they are intellectually capable of making smart decisions about their OWN body, that we believe in their ability to do so and will support them in doing so by giving them access to information that can help in making said decisions, and that means that SHE alone is allowed to make the choice when she is ready for sex.

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49 Liz January 10, 2013 at 8:13 am

AGREED! I just think that anyone who gets offended by the thought of #15 and claims they are comfortable with her sexuality is lying. Why would a woman that has multiple partners find it offensive at all if another woman has a different point of view about sex? No one’s opinion affects my life so why should I get offended? I’m pretty comfortable with myself and other women doing what ever they want with their own bodies.

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50 Fin January 10, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Well, I can tell you that they’re not.

You’ve said “Why would a woman that has multiple partners find it offensive at all if another woman has a different point of view about sex?” which I suspect expresses where the disconnect lies. I’m not offended that someone else has a different point of view about sex, what upsets me here is that the mother is forcing slut shaming on a daughter that she’s also claiming to be raising to have strength in her individuality and ability to make choices. I agree that I’m pretty comfortable with myself and other women doing whatever they want with their bodies, but we’re talking about *raising children* here, and I think we’d both agree that the lessons our parents tried to teach us, for better or worse, affect us at a greater depth than what just other random women do or say.

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51 Liz January 11, 2013 at 9:53 am

Fin, I’m not sure what you’re reading. All I said was that no one should be offended by anything in this blog/list. We are all entitled to our opinions. If someone is offended, then he or she is NOT comfortable with themselves. End of story. If you don’t like what is written here, there is a little “X” button on the upper right hand corner of the computer screen. It really is that simple. Jen was not “slut-shaming”. She didn’t say “shame on sluts”. There was no personal attacks written anywhere on this blog. All she said was that girls with brains get further in life than the slutty ones. Her page, her opinion. Can we please all end this stupid slut debate? I didn’t get my masters in counseling with my vagina. Jenna Jamison got paid for her vagina. YIPPIE!!! Are we done now? Seriously!!

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52 Fin January 11, 2013 at 3:33 pm

Liz, and I’m disagreeing. I do not agree that if someone is offended by something, that they’re inherently not comfortable with themselves. If someone had said something racist, and a bunch of people had taken offense at that, would you have told them that they were offended just because they weren’t comfortable being whatever race they are? It seems like a pretty ridiculous premise to me, honestly.

The saying “hit the little x” certainly doesn’t help, either. It’s a very immature, “well then take your toys home” sort of thing.

“Her page, her opinions” is true, but having someone post in a public place where there is a bloody comments section inherently means that whilst she’s able to state her opinion, so are OTHER PEOPLE.

Saying that girls that use their brains get further than slutty ones is slut-shaming because it creates a false dichotomy between the two.

It’s not so far BEEN a debate, as I’ve not actually heard any reasoned response.

For someone who says that anyone who gets offended isn’t comfortable with themselves, you sure are trying to shut people down who are simply expressing an opinion, and appeal to be getting offended to me.

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53 Liz January 12, 2013 at 9:26 am

There is a huge difference between disagreeing and taking offense. If anyone is offended by a written or verbal statement, it is because he or she sees a truth about themselves within the statement. If a person simply disagrees with a statement, then he or she is comfortable enough to have a civil debate on the matter or to walk away without saying anything. I agree that slutty girls can be just as smart as non-slutty girls. This is a blog, not a dissertation on sluts. Jen was simply trying to say teach your daughter not to use sexuality to gain success.

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54 Deborrah January 10, 2013 at 1:46 am

Seems like good common sense to me. Why would anyone object to this list? For teen girls of dating age might I recommend my book Sucka Free Love – How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged as a wonderful, down to earth question and answer guide on avoiding what you call “douche canoes.” LOL!!

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55 Lisa January 10, 2013 at 2:22 am

My daughter is 17, an only. I hate to think a lot of these lessons are singled out or listed, when, shown by example, it should be a “given”. A non-issue. Also, am I the only one that thinks most of this list should be taught across-the-board? Not limited to the girls, but society in gen? PS-As for the slutty thing-I’m far from stupid, but Jenna Jamison has far exceeded any success I could hope to have!

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56 zendegy January 19, 2013 at 8:00 am

excellent point!! it should be taught across the board. in fact, it MUST be!! women raising sons need to teach them all of this, too, and to value women as equal human beings, not as a way to get your rocks off.

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57 Karen in NJ January 10, 2013 at 2:22 am

Love this list. As for the discussion about the “slutty” item, here’s my interpretation of it: Don’t use your sexuality as your means for getting ahead. The whole “sleep your way to the top” thing is demeaning. Will there be morons who think it anyway? Probably, because just as we have to teach our daughters to respect themselves, we need to teach this generation of sons that women are to be respected for their brains and abilities too. I still run across men who are 10 years younger than me who are badly in need of enlightenment.
I also agree with embracing our sexuality. Not at 15. Good Lord no. But as they move into adulthood, our daughters need to understand that sex is something worth enjoying and that they shouldn’t be embarrassed by the fact that they do enjoy it.

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58 Jen at PIWTPITT.com January 10, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Ding, ding, ding! Exactly. You understood me completely Karen.
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59 JD Bailey @ Honest Mom January 12, 2013 at 9:21 pm

YEP. Karen, FTW!
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60 thekitchwitch January 10, 2013 at 4:45 am

In the words of Chris Rock: “Keep your daughter off the pole, people!”
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61 Teresa January 10, 2013 at 6:17 am

IF you really have to go the men understand….use the the men’s room…it is cleaner! :)

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62 Krista January 10, 2013 at 8:48 am

I think the hardest lesson to teach girls these days is to love who they are regardless of what others think. There is so much pressure from media, other kids and other parents to be like the “cool kid” that it’s often really hard for the kid (such as my daughter) who isn’t like everyone else, and really does have a very unique sense of humour and style.
And I agree with a number of the other posters – It’s okay to be ‘slutty’ as long as it’s protected and it’s wanted by both parties involved. Why is it okay for guys to sleep with everything that walks, but not girls.

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63 Louis Sgroi Jr January 10, 2013 at 10:05 am

I only have one of these that i need to teach. thank you for this post

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64 susan January 10, 2013 at 10:13 am

And teach your sons, these are the women worth persuing. (Got 2 boys here, no girls)

(As for the “slut” thing, a girl should not be RAISED as a slut, but confident in her sexuality – however she expresses it. Jenna Jamison may have used her vagina to make her fortune but she used her brain to figure out how to use her vagina.)

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65 Vicky B., MSW (@DocSabia) January 11, 2013 at 4:10 pm
66 Heather Stippich January 10, 2013 at 10:39 am

Awesome thanks for posting this!! We have already started bringing up some of these topics with our 6 yr. old!! wish my mom would’ve have done this for me!!

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67 Toulouse January 10, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Somehow I’ve never read this one. It’s awesome. I just love the “burning bed” reference because I think any man should have a healthy fear of his woman. I’ve made sure to let mine know that if he ever cheats on me, I’ll kill him regardless of the consequences. He laughs, but I think he knows deep down inside that it’s true.
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68 jessica January 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Haha i love the list… I have to agree on one thing…. Jenna jamison may have used her vaginia to make her fortune… But she used her brain to figure out how to use her vagaina

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69 Jamie@SouthMainMuse January 10, 2013 at 3:57 pm

Great and funny as always but Number 4 is one of my hot buttons. I see so many young, professional women that attach themselves to men who treat them with such little respect. I want to shake them and say “This is your one and only life — demand better. Don’t settle for this.” Queen Bee thing. By now I’ve gotten used to the fact that some women will act like they are in high school for their entire lives. Just don’t understand why — but they do. And the Men’s Room is an option when there is no one there waiting and 20 women are in line for the women’s. Only if it has a lock. I always carry a can of Lysol in my purse for just such occasions.
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70 amy January 10, 2013 at 6:15 pm

would LOVE a printable version of this!

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71 lisa williams January 10, 2013 at 10:56 pm

I use the men’s washroom all the time.

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72 CarloTheFirst January 11, 2013 at 12:02 am

Hey, I have three daughters, love every single one of these comments but have this to add: when I’m in a Starbucks or hwy rest stop, etc, and there’s a 1-stall men’s bathroom… I use it. My girls were horrified the 1st time around, now it just makes sense if it’s empty. Empowering, yes!!!

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73 Vicky B., MSW (@DocSabia) January 11, 2013 at 4:21 pm

And as a general comment to the article and in reading many of the comments here:

I think this was a pretty good list. I could not endorse it 100% but I would feel comfortable sharing it with a personal note that some of the points are right on while others, I would have used different language for or stated in a different way!

Not sure why there has to be such angry reactions to normal disagreements lol… I only behave like that with my siblings! ;)

Anyhoo, in the academic community as well as advocate and activist communities that do work or research on girls’ lives and experiences and work on social justice and equality issues, the use of the word “slut” as a negative connotation is a sensitive issue and could be understood as “slut shaming”, but that doesn’t mean we have to attack each other about this observation or understanding.

Since I belong to these communities, I understand those points of concern that some women have brought up.

Still, at the end of the day, whether “slut” is used negatively or understood in an empowered way, I hope the point is, that when someone does call your daughter a slut (when she maybe even hasn’t touched or been touched.. or maybe she has done plenty of that…), she will not be SHAMED by anyone, because no one has that power to shame her.

Teach your daughter to be in command of her body and her feelings so that no one else is!

Thanks for opening up the dialogue with this post!
Vicky B., MSW (@DocSabia) recently posted..ReCap of #Latism12, Special Thanks #ToyotaLatino #Latism #LoveSujeiry & Donate to #Sandy Relief #SandyHelp

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74 Lisa @bitesforbabies January 12, 2013 at 7:32 am

Love these! They started out all serious so I you can imagine how much of a good laugh I had when I got to the funny (yet important to know) ones! Thanks for the laugh this morning! ;-)
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75 Courtney January 23, 2013 at 11:25 am

#24, I do not agree with. When I was 14, I wanted piercings. I spent months researching exactly what I wanted, compiling pro’s and con’s and gathering state laws and listing shops and their credentials. I wanted my tongue pierced, not for any sexual reason, but just because I wanted it. I presented my information to my parents and they felt that if I was mature enough to do extensive research on exactly what I wanted as well as form responsible answers to all of their counter protests, I should be able to get my tongue pierced. I had my tongue ring until I was 21 years old and no one besides my parents and my close friends and my boyfriend, who is now my husband, knew that I had it. I felt like it empowered me as a person… not just getting the piercings, but the entire process. Both of my parents actually expressed pride in the entire situation and in my maturity. If you’re child expresses the intelligence and the maturity to do something, you shouldn’t hold them back. I graduated high school, went on to college, got tons of tattoo’s and ended up taking out the tongue piercing and getting a cute little monroe and my parents are still glad that they let me make that decision. I think that rule should include some exceptions, because it’s clearly not always applicable.

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76 Sue January 24, 2013 at 1:30 pm

I cannot believe that women are defending letting their daughter’s become sluts! You do realize that being a slut is a bad thing, right? I want my daughter to be popular, hired for a job and promoted because she is fun and intelligent, not because she is easy or gives BJs in the bathroom.

Who are you mothers?

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77 The Mean Mama April 13, 2013 at 4:13 pm

AMen!

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78 Karen January 25, 2013 at 1:54 pm

As far as #15 — like it or not it’s true. Men will be with whoever lets them be with them. Do you know how many girls/now woman have 2, 3 or 4 kids with all different fathers? And they think that the reason they are single is because all men are a**holes. Face the facts ladies, men want a lady on the streets and a w***e in the sheets but that w***e needs to be his private w***e. Men do not want to be constantly reminded that their woman has been nailed by 90% of the population or that she is labeled as easy to give it up. Being comfortable with your sexuality is one thing, especially if you are using birth control and not using pregnancy as a trap. But you take any guy dating a girl and when she gets to the part that all of her kids have different daddies…. that guy is 90% gone. If she is cute or hot he might stick around to stick it in.

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79 lisi January 25, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Why can’t we be smart and slutty? What does slutty mean anyway?

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80 tammy February 11, 2013 at 10:32 am

No matter what you say to your daughter YOUR actions will always speak louder!

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81 The Mean Mama April 13, 2013 at 4:12 pm

I fully support everything but #19 I married young. My hubby and I finished growing up together. We didn’t have to sacrifice our own life for a life together because we didn’t really have our own lives. We were both college students and we worked together to get through college. We weren’t set in our own ways. That being said, we both knew we wanted to be family oriented not career oriented and we both look forward to an early retirement when the two of us can go play and have fun together!
(and #25 if you need to pee the men’s room is stinky, but there is never a line!)
Fully happy that you were bold enough to address the skanky side of raising girls. I once saw panties that said ‘eye candy’ across the front…they were size 6-8 in girls.

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