25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler

43 Comments

25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler
If you have kids, you will at one time have this irrational creature living in your house called a toddler. They are hilarious and cute and very easily annoyed. Here are 25 ways that you can annoy a toddler. I think I have done every one of these just this week…

1. Put jeans on them.

2. Hold them too tight or too loose.

3. Put salad on their plate.

4. Display affection for any of the other children in your house.

5. Don’t let them ride you like a horsey while you are attempting to do Granny push-ups on the floor.

6. Not stare into their eyes with complete focus while they are learning to use the potty.

7. Try to stand at the end of the one slide at the park that will launch them ten feet into the air, because clearly you didn’t stand there for their brother so you won’t be standing there for them, either.

8. Try to ever wear your new fancy shoes because you made the mistake of letting them try the shoes on once, so now the shoes are theirs.

9. Look sternly in their direction.

10. Don’t let them push those tiny carts in the grocery store when you just can’t bring yourself to deal with the drama that day.

11. Let the other kids in the house get on the bus to go to school.

12. Don’t let them talk to Grandma on the phone. For hours. And by talking I mean staring at the phone and smiling while Grandma and you both try desperately to get one word out of them.

13. Don’t let them look at themselves on your phone while you are trying to take a picture of them.

14. Not kiss the exact right spot where they injured themselves. Even if it’s their butt.

15. Suggest that it’s almost time to go to bed or put clothes on or eat lunch. Suggest anything, really.

16. Don’t let them drink out of every water fountain in every library and every airport on the planet.

17. Hold a baby.

18. Give them other food besides yogurt or crackers or noodles.

19. Go to a different room in the house without taking them with you. Or even warning them that this was about to happen.

20. Forget that they need to sit on your lap all day on Wednesdays.

21. Try to teach them how to zip a zipper.

22. Strap them into their carseat on Tuesdays.

23. Say mean things to them, like, you need to wear shoes or you can’t go outside.

24. Forget that, since you allowed them to help push the buttons on the washer that one time, this is now their job and you must never touch the buttons again.

And finally….

25. Not help them when they specifically asked you not to help and now they are irreversibly stuck in their sweatshirt or underpants.

Comments

  1. 6

    Jen says

    Not only the washer and dryer, but let’s not forget the elevator. Clearly, I no longer know how to push the correct floor buttons!

  2. 7

    shelleydelayne says

    Put cereal in the bowl first and then pour milk over it instead of the other way ’round, even though that’s the way you always do it. Apparently, today was “milk first, then cereal” day and I didn’t get the memo. But at least I was quick enough to move the bowl before it got angrily arm-swiped onto the floor. :P

  3. 8

    alexandra says

    Ha! how I love this. I remember my then 3 yr old falling apart because he couldn’t pick up the little dalmation puppies on his pajamas to play with him and I remember the other 2 year old melting because I put sandals on him. GOOD TIMES, PEOPLE!

  4. 9

    SA says

    Light switches. We have to pause and turn each one off and on. If not, hysterical screams of MIIIIIIIINEEEEE….OOOOOOOOFFFF….MIIIIIIINEEEEEEE. Good reminder not to let her push buttons on the washing machine.

  5. 12

    Monica says

    this list is beyond awesome. not let them touch you with gooey hands when you have actual “real” clothes on for your first time out of the house with adults or your husband since they were born.

  6. 13

    says

    Hah! These are great…

    Additionally:

    Cut the sandwich. Or not cut the sandwich.

    Peel the piece of fruit that they asked you to peel.

    Tell them that they may not get up for the 400th time when you’re putting them to bed. Because that’s just cruel!

  7. 14

    JA says

    Forget to bring your iPad home from work so they can play Papa Pear.

    Don’t immediately give in when the fake crying begins.

    Suggest that one orange sock and one purple sock are a poor fashion statement, especially when they BOTH MATCH the tutu.

    Offer a broken cookie/cracker.

    Imply that the toddler bed with the special Bubble Guppies quilt is where she should sleep, instead of on 2/3 of the big bed.

  8. 16

    Stacy Jones says

    Sing Rock-a-Bye Baby because “I’m not a baby I’m a big boy!!” Insert hysterical crying here. Guess that song is off the playlist.

  9. 18

    Lu says

    Try to help them carry their blankly and 5 stuffed animals up the stairs at bedtime rather then having them trip……”I DO IT MOMMY!”

  10. 19

    Karleine says

    Lying on the floor incorrectly when they insist it is time for “you take nap mommy!” This usually involves them demonstrating said correct napping style in a fit of pique.

    Don’t forget – being told to stop singing because only they can belt “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” at the top of their lungs in the car!

  11. 20

    Pixie says

    And: Giving them the food they just requested 20 seconds ago, closely followed by not giving them the food they requested 20 seconds ago.

  12. 21

    DD says

    Not psychically know what song they want you to sing or book they want you to read or food they want to eat. Basically, just not being psychic.

  13. 24

    Sara says

    * Peel the banana for him (heaven forbid!)…

    * Sit in “Daddy’s chair”…

    or (and my personal favorite) –

    * Eat M&Ms when I obviously didn’t just use the potty. Because if he has to use the potty to get M&Ms, I should have to, too.

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