25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler

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25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler
If you have kids, you will at one time have this irrational creature living in your house called a toddler. They are hilarious and cute and very easily annoyed. Here are 25 ways that you can annoy a toddler. I think I have done every one of these just this week…

1. Put jeans on them.

2. Hold them too tight or too loose.

3. Put salad on their plate.

4. Display affection for any of the other children in your house.

5. Don’t let them ride you like a horsey while you are attempting to do Granny push-ups on the floor.

6. Not stare into their eyes with complete focus while they are learning to use the potty.

7. Try to stand at the end of the one slide at the park that will launch them ten feet into the air, because clearly you didn’t stand there for their brother so you won’t be standing there for them, either.

8. Try to ever wear your new fancy shoes because you made the mistake of letting them try the shoes on once, so now the shoes are theirs.

9. Look sternly in their direction.

10. Don’t let them push those tiny carts in the grocery store when you just can’t bring yourself to deal with the drama that day.

11. Let the other kids in the house get on the bus to go to school.

12. Don’t let them talk to Grandma on the phone. For hours. And by talking I mean staring at the phone and smiling while Grandma and you both try desperately to get one word out of them.

13. Don’t let them look at themselves on your phone while you are trying to take a picture of them.

14. Not kiss the exact right spot where they injured themselves. Even if it’s their butt.

15. Suggest that it’s almost time to go to bed or put clothes on or eat lunch. Suggest anything, really.

16. Don’t let them drink out of every water fountain in every library and every airport on the planet.

17. Hold a baby.

18. Give them other food besides yogurt or crackers or noodles.

19. Go to a different room in the house without taking them with you. Or even warning them that this was about to happen.

20. Forget that they need to sit on your lap all day on Wednesdays.

21. Try to teach them how to zip a zipper.

22. Strap them into their carseat on Tuesdays.

23. Say mean things to them, like, you need to wear shoes or you can’t go outside.

24. Forget that, since you allowed them to help push the buttons on the washer that one time, this is now their job and you must never touch the buttons again.

And finally….

25. Not help them when they specifically asked you not to help and now they are irreversibly stuck in their sweatshirt or underpants.

Comments

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  1. 8

    shelleydelayne says

    Put cereal in the bowl first and then pour milk over it instead of the other way ’round, even though that’s the way you always do it. Apparently, today was “milk first, then cereal” day and I didn’t get the memo. But at least I was quick enough to move the bowl before it got angrily arm-swiped onto the floor. :P

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  2. 9

    alexandra says

    Ha! how I love this. I remember my then 3 yr old falling apart because he couldn’t pick up the little dalmation puppies on his pajamas to play with him and I remember the other 2 year old melting because I put sandals on him. GOOD TIMES, PEOPLE!

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  3. 10

    SA says

    Light switches. We have to pause and turn each one off and on. If not, hysterical screams of MIIIIIIIINEEEEE….OOOOOOOOFFFF….MIIIIIIINEEEEEEE. Good reminder not to let her push buttons on the washing machine.

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  4. 13

    Monica says

    this list is beyond awesome. not let them touch you with gooey hands when you have actual “real” clothes on for your first time out of the house with adults or your husband since they were born.

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  5. 14

    says

    Hah! These are great…

    Additionally:

    Cut the sandwich. Or not cut the sandwich.

    Peel the piece of fruit that they asked you to peel.

    Tell them that they may not get up for the 400th time when you’re putting them to bed. Because that’s just cruel!

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      • 16

        says

        Oh, yes, seriously, what’s with the food issues? We have to ask our boys (six and three and a half) numerous times each time we put food on their plates where they want the food, do they want it cut or not, how to cut it (in squares or triangles if it is a sandwich), if we leave part of the banana peel on or not, and the like. Meltdowns of epic proportions has been known to happen if we do not present their food to them in the exact way they asked.

        Yesterday, my youngest asked for “the square crackers that look like rectangles” (meaning graham crackers). Every time I have given him some, I have broken each one up into quarters. This time I gave them to him whole. He took them, then asked for a knife to cut them smaller. I told him he didn’t need a knife and showed him how I could break them into smaller pieces by hand. That set him off. Apparently, he did not want his crackers small after all. Nothing would do until he got whole crackers again. *sigh*

        (before anyone judges because I let my kids get away with such behavior and bow down to their demands when it comes to food, both have sensory issues and sometimes it’s not worth the screaming hysterics to try to teach them that they cannot always have their way).

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  6. 17

    JA says

    Forget to bring your iPad home from work so they can play Papa Pear.

    Don’t immediately give in when the fake crying begins.

    Suggest that one orange sock and one purple sock are a poor fashion statement, especially when they BOTH MATCH the tutu.

    Offer a broken cookie/cracker.

    Imply that the toddler bed with the special Bubble Guppies quilt is where she should sleep, instead of on 2/3 of the big bed.

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  7. 22

    Karleine says

    Lying on the floor incorrectly when they insist it is time for “you take nap mommy!” This usually involves them demonstrating said correct napping style in a fit of pique.

    Don’t forget – being told to stop singing because only they can belt “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” at the top of their lungs in the car!

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  8. 27

    Sara says

    * Peel the banana for him (heaven forbid!)…

    * Sit in “Daddy’s chair”…

    or (and my personal favorite) –

    * Eat M&Ms when I obviously didn’t just use the potty. Because if he has to use the potty to get M&Ms, I should have to, too.

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