25 Ways You Know You’re a Parent to a Toddler

two kids sisters play together indoors

1. Someone steps on your breast by mistake.

2. Your slipper is taken off and shoved into your face while you (continue to) have breakfast.

3. There is an email sitting in your inbox titled Head Lice.

4. Things like “I wish I could have a trunk like an elephant” are being said and they don’t seem all that strange.

5. Things like: “you generally shouldn’t put things in your butt. It’s a rule” are also being said.

6. There is something called an Exersaucer in the middle of your living room.

7. There’s an underwear-less 3 year old boy face down in the Exersaucer. He is yelling “help, I’m stuck on a cliff’” while in the background there is relentless hysterical infant crying.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

8. Someone is conversing with you while you are sleeping.

9. Someone is conversing with you while you brush your teeth.

10. Someone is conversing with you while you are peeing and expects you to play hide and seek at the same time.

11. You’re in bed with your eyes closed and fought too hard for this that you’re not opening your eyes, even if it means letting someone walk on your rib cage, step on your head, pluck your hair out, block your airways and repeatedly respond to the question “mommy, did it tick yet?”

12. You never get to drink a cup of tea/coffee while it’s still warm.

13. You never get to finish that cup of tea/coffee, ever.

14. There’s a random high heeled shoe, an egg beater a Viking’s helmet, and a swim board on your bathroom floor.

15. You feel strangely nostalgic as you notice the high heeled shoe.

16. You consider a trip to IKEA with your husband to replace a mattress a date.

17. You wear your high heels for the first time in months and a new totally rocking faux fur vest. There’s a big Charlie Brown sticker dangling from the faux fur you’re wearing for the very first time.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

18. You wake up at 7:20am. You lucky dawg!

19. You can’t name a song by Florence and the Machine or One Direction but the Excesaucer tunes are looping in your head.

20. Losing a favorite teddy is your worst nightmare. I apologize, bad choice of words. Losing a favorite teddy is a nuclear holocaust.

21. You get excited when you see a garbage truck.

22. You have to stop yourself from saying fighted, eated and breaked.

23. There are no more mid-day sweet tooth indulgences. If it’s a real emergency and you just NEED to eat your chocolate cake right now before something really bad happens, you’ll hide like the criminal that you are, so no child knows you eated it.

24. This is what a phone conversation with a friend sounds like:
Hey friend, (Yes, 3 Year Old, I’m boiling the water for your hot chocolate. Warm chocolate, sorry). Yes, friend, sorry, I’m with you now, go ahead. (Yes, 3 Year Old, I’m still boiling the water for your warm chocolate. 3 Year Old, 3 Year Old, don’t do this, you’re gonna fall!) Sorry, friend. (Oh, wow, awesome!) Sorry, yes, talk to me, I’m listening, I can talk and listen at the same time.

25. You’re at home, headed toward the kitchen. You step on something and it either starts playing music, lights up or says caterpillar power! You pick it up and put it back in its place even though you’re fully aware you’ll be tripping on it again in 10 minutes.

About the writer


Katia is the mother of two boys. She is the creator of IAMTHEMILK, a Wordpress recommended blog in the Family category and blogs for Yummy Mummy Club. You can connect with Katia through Facebook.


Sharyl 2 years ago

Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs
I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always bee exciting to
read through contennt from other writers and uuse a little something from their websites.

Lindsay 2 years ago

Thank you for the laugh. Love #16. I could even have a free babysitter for an hour (Smalland) someday…come on growth spurt.

Jim Honig 2 years ago

Funny. Glad you putted that on your page.

Valerie Mikles 2 years ago

OMG, this is my life! Even down to the 3 yr. old head down in the excersaucer with no pants on. And caterpillar power….so glad when the batteries on that thing wored out.

Dinnae Galloway 2 years ago

oh yes to #23… oh hell yes!

Jeanette ‘Jeanie’ Burr 2 years ago

So true. With 2 kids and 10 years between them it still hasn't changed. Also it not just a little kid thing either. 😉

Jeanette McGregor 2 years ago


Syndee Mac 2 years ago

Hahahaha!! I love this one! My favorite is #1 Someone steps on your breast by mistake.

Delia A Wessels Anderson 2 years ago

So funny and so true!

Lacy Varner 2 years ago

#24 Totally hits home. And it's just ridiculous to try to call a friend that also has kids, because at that point you are just wasting minutes. Leslie Wiseman

    Kristin Marie Callaghan 2 years ago

    Thats why you have to be on the same providor. 😛

Stacey Ludwig 2 years ago

i can see #7 in your household as well but i experience #8 #9 #10 on a daily basis! ive havent pee'd alone in over 2 years…….. o.O

Angela Roy Kelly 2 years ago

A lot of these are really funny, but these are totally true for me.

12. You never get to drink a cup of tea/coffee while it’s still warm.
13. You never get to finish that cup of tea/coffee, ever.

Casey 2 years ago

I laughed so hard at “caterpillar power.” I made the mistake of putting that in the crib one night and had to listen to it on the monitor forever. “Press forward, backward, or dump lever now!”

Courtney 2 years ago

Thank God it’s not just me telling small people to not put things in their butt! Your list rocks!

Michele 2 years ago

Or how about when you go on a job interview and start to take a pen from your purse… but first must get past the toy phone, random baby shoe, half a cookie, the pacifier, and a few legos….

Umm sorry… am I hired?? lol

(p.s. true story… it happened last Tuesday :/ )

    Michele 2 years ago

    Pps…. its probably a good idea to check your purse before the interview.. but you have to remember that as soon as you try to walk out the front door, someone may die of thirst if you arent the one to pour the mik (because it tastes so much better when mommy pours it.. daddy just cant),someone else wont let go of your pant leg, … oh and now the keys have been stollen :/

Vt Mama 3 years ago

thank you. That’s all. Just, thank you.

    Katia 3 years ago


Kina 3 years ago

When they get a little older (or you’re like me and to stop the crying you get the kid a tow set that says “ages 7+” cause it’ll keep the kid quiet for a total of AT LEAST 25 seconds) you step on it in your bare feet, scream like a banshee and look for the razor blades and blood and find a lego EMBEDDED IN YOUR FOOT THAT MAY TAKE SURGERY TO REMOVE!

Don’t buy them legos.


25. You’re at home, headed toward the kitchen. You step on something and it either starts playing music, lights up or says caterpillar power! You pick it up and put it back in its place even though you’re fully aware you’ll be tripping on it again in 10 minutes.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Too late 😛

zela 3 years ago

and now my standard response when on the phone is “is something on fire? is someone bleeding? , OK wait til I’m finished”
Still doesn’t work though…

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) of course not.

Janice 3 years ago

Oh no! See my daughter @ around 4 or so had the lovely habit of smacking me on the boobs to get my attention! Imagine peoples faces out in public when this happened? LOL…She also started doing it to EVERYONE in the family and my friends! Not kosher at all! She’s 8 now and I still don’t get a moments peace in the bathroom, I still find food crumbs and candy stickiness in her hair, she comes home about 2-3 times a week w/paint or some other school related art project on her uniform, & she refuses to shower by herself “MOMMY HELP WASH MY POPO!” Yes…its a Popo… idk why it just is lol :)

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) oh, lovely. Reading your comment I was hit with a Dexter style flashback. I used to do that to my mom all the time. And squeeze them too. OK, Karma, I get it now.

Katia 3 years ago

Oh, I agree with you and believe it’s a true story (I say as I eat pizza with one hand and clean baby’s snot with the other).

Shirley 3 years ago

I identified with far to many of these! My standards about what constitutes a hot meal are very low. And I’ve eaten Oreos in the closet.

I’d like to add this:

Nothing really grosses you out anymore. Your kid gets sick all over you and the only thing bothering you about being covered in puke is that you’re laying down and you’re not sure how you’re going to get to the shower without making a bigger mess. (True story!)

    Kristin Marie Callaghan 2 years ago

    I’m pretty squimish.
    I can handle it till i get to the bathroom, then i end up sick myself. But still my number one worry is keeping it on me, and not the rest of the house.

Erin 3 years ago

The words, “Come on guys, get off of him! He’s a baby not a trampoline!” came out of my mouth the other day. The response? “But Mommmmm, we just wanted to see if his bones are squishy!” As if I would say, “Ahhh. Carry on.”

    Katia 3 years ago


    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) yes, exactly. They thought you would go – oh, this makes sense.

    Carla 2 years ago

    Omg that’s funny. (Knowing that the baby is ok of course) :-)

Linda 3 years ago

Haha. Totally remember those days. I’m the mom of 5 boys, all born within a 10-year span. All are grown up now, but I miss the days of having 5 boys under the age of 10 all in the house at the same time. Does that make me crazy??

    Katia 3 years ago

    A little bit, but crazy is the opposite of boring, right?

    Honestly, though, kudos to you, Linda. That’s amazing.

Ms tantrum 3 years ago

Of course you forgot stepping on a Lego at 2am barefoot while grabbing a bottle, and the conversation of “we don’t poop in our pants, we only poop in the potty.” Even when you are out on a high heeled faux fur date with step daddy.

    Katia 3 years ago

    I guess I’m much clumsier than you, I step on legos, bouncy chairs and random toys all day long (sing to the tune of “the wheels on the bus”).

Courtney 3 years ago

*sigh* Hot coffee, I miss those days! I totally live this every day! However, it’s the elbow in the boob at our house. Ever.Sinking.Day! Mammograms are more pleasant. Loved this, thanks for the laugh!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Elbow in the boob, ouch! I hope 3 Year Old doesn’t read this. He’s gonna get ideas.

Aimee 3 years ago

Ha, I love it. I dream of peeing alone again one day.

    Katia 3 years ago

    We, moms, dream big, don’t we?

Rebeccah 3 years ago

Best. Post. Ever!!!!!! I literally laugh cried so bad no one could understand me. Seriously, this post is just FULL of awesome. Great, great job!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Best. Comment. Ever. You. Made. My. Day. Thank you! :-)

Lilach B. 3 years ago

I had to laugh into my son’s stuffed crab so I won’t wake the kids up :) so true.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Lilach, I hear you. I always wake up my 5 Month Old whenever I read my favourite bloggers. I should learn by now.

Emily 3 years ago

I think those exersaucer tunes are still in my head…and it’s been about 9 years since I had a child that young!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Yes, they’re pretty sticky those tunes!

Jessica Smock 3 years ago

How about if you haven’t had a full eight hours of sleep in years and foresee no possibility of it ever occurring in the future?

    Katia 3 years ago

    This one is too hard to face. I’m in denial. I once posted a status on Facebook that said “I’ll sleep when I’m 40” or maybe it said 50, can’t remember, at the time both options seemed pretty distant. My aunt who has 2 teenage sons responded “that’s what I thought”. I’ve been trying to block this. It’s not working.

      Rebeccah 3 years ago

      No. Don’t say it. I have convinced myself that it will happen one day dammit!!!

    Barbs72 2 years ago

    There is light at the end of the tunnel – my son is autistic and didn’t sleep through the night till he was 6, but he is now 19 and boy has he made up for his early years :)

zumpie 3 years ago

My daughter’s 12 and I still say “go potty” and “have a bistake” (hey old habits die hard).

Speaking of pottying, some of these DO apply to pets, as well. Our kitten is completely fascinated by the bathroom in general (no one is permitted to take a bath or shower without her presence as an observer) and my potty habits in particular. Apparently it’s super interesting that I poop, too! She also sometimes thinks my pubic hair is possibly a small animal I’m concealing..

Yes, it basically never ends….

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) that’s hilarious. And true. It’s not the first I’ve heard of cats joining in on the process. My friend was just telling me recently how her room mate’s cat sits on her lap every time she has to use the bathroom. I have to say, I’m beginning to believe your “hiding small animal theory”.My cat was the opposite, but only when it came to his own bathroom etiquette. He would turn his back to us, so no one witnesses his shame. It was very cute.

      zumpie 3 years ago

      Hee!!! I’ve actually noticed Camille doesn’t feel embarassed when nature calls, but she DOES look really, really happy!

      Our dear departed dog was more along the shame lines, though.

      P.S. your entire post was very, very cute! :-)

        Katia 3 years ago

        Awww, thank you Zumpie!!

      Kristen Mae 3 years ago

      ^^ Tell your friend she just made me feel better. My little dog always wants to sit on my lap while I do my business. And here I thought I was weird…

        Katia 3 years ago

        :-)) I’ll let my friend know her room mate’s voyeuristic cat made you feel better. :-)

Sassa 3 years ago

I love this! I have a 7-year-old boy and a girl who will be 5 in a couple weeks. This is my life…especially the getting stepped on thing. My son was jumping on the bed just yesterday while I was trying (emphasis on trying) to sleep and landed on his knees…on my breast. Here’s another one to add to the list too: when your stuff comes up missing (like your purse with all your money, cards, etc. in it or your last soda when you desperately need caffeine), and you’re running through the house frantically looking for it, and you finally find it days later in the kids’ closet or under their bed, completely empty (and if it’s your purse, this sends you into an even more frantic search).

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) I have yet to get there. The wallet is still too boring for 3 year old.

    Yes, the breast squashing is difficult, as are the head buts. Do you get a lot of those? Some days I feel like all I am doing is cleaning up spillage from surfaces (warm chocolate, water, pee, my own cold tea) and getting head butted.

      Sassa 3 years ago

      Oh, yes, definitely. All the time. I have to say that this list really made me laugh and let out a sigh of relief. It’s nice to know that there are others who deal with the same things. What gets me are the people who think parenting is a piece of cake and that kids are always perfectly behaved little angels, unless you’re a screwup. For instance, my kids are crayon/pen/marker magnets. No matter where I hide them (and I can’t just throw them away because that will be the day that they need them for homework), they find them. And in a matter of seconds, they’ll have their entire room covered in scribblings. Then when other people, such as my in-laws, see them, their response is always, “You should be watching them better. This doesn’t just happen in 2 minutes. This takes time.” I’m like, “Have you MET my kids?!” If I go to the bathroom or take out the garbage, their minds go “WE’RE FREE! BREAK ALL THE THINGS!” Besides, it’s not like these are masterpieces they’re drawing on the walls. It’s all squiggly lines and abc’s. Done on several occasions. And don’t even get me started on fingerpainting with their food and hiding snacks in their clothes and toys to sneak it into their room. lol

        Katia 3 years ago

        I agree with you, it’s always very comforting to glance at someone else’s equally chaotic life and realize that you are not alone and reading comments like yours is making me feel that way. I appreciate it!

      Keelye 3 years ago

      Mine used to head but on purpose! It started with hitting though. He would go to slap and I would grab both arms to keep from getting smacked and since he had no hands he would use his head! I was in shock the first time but it only took him a couple more times to figure out that mama don’t like that and he didn’t like getting his little legs popped.

        Katia 3 years ago

        Head but on purpose, that’s hard core! :-) Mine once sucker punched me in the eye on purpose. Just to see what it felt like.

wolfcat87 3 years ago

“in the background there is relentless hysterical infant crying.”

Why is someone letting a baby cry so long that it becomes hysterical?! That’s awful parenting. ;n;

    Katia 3 years ago

    It takes him exactly 2 minutes to develop a hysterical cry when left anywhere other than on his mom. If you read my blog you’ll realize this baby basically lives on his mom. In a baby bjorn carrier. Including sleeping in our bed the entire night and only recently moving to his own crib for a few hours. I do need to put him in his crib from time to time to cook dinner. And stuff like that, you know. My back is in pain from constantly carrying him on me and I am running out of entertainment ideas for him (there is only so much you can do while holding baby on you basically all day, no exaggeration). If you read my blog you’ll also realize how hard I fought to conceive this baby.

    I hope this was a joke :-)

      wolfcat87 3 years ago

      Admittedly, I have not read your blog. Someone posted this to facebook, and I followed it here and just read this. I too carried my two children constantly for the first two years of their lives. Serious back pain as well. I could never get away to do chores for more than 5-15 mins at a time because I can’t stand the sound of a baby crying so I always calmed mine down a.s.a.p. That remark reminded me of so many people I’ve seen who just let their child cry, and that had me worried because it can do serious damage to a babies developing brain. Thank you for elaborating on where you were coming from a bit more.

hill 3 years ago

The other one is when they want you to read something while you’re driving. This happens EVERYDAY to me. All that has happened to me.I have two boys 7,9,and not only did he get stuck in the saucer thing but in the chair swing.And then when his brother was crawling he got trapped on the kitchen counter trying get away from his baby brother.

    Katia 3 years ago

    LOL, Hill! LOL. Really.

Jennifer 3 years ago

This is totally my life!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Welcome to your life :-))

tara 3 years ago

loved the nostalgia for the high heel shoe … so very true. like you’re looking at something out of a time capsule from a galaxy long, long ago :)

    Katia 3 years ago

    Exactly, so near – still lying in your closet, yet so far!

MomMom 3 years ago

Oh the crumbs! I am seriously considering getting a dog just so I don’t have to sweep up food 3 times a day! Of course then i would have yet another poop machine to worry about :-/
And phone calls?! “No customer service, this isn’t a ‘bad’ time, it always sounds like my son is killing the cat in the background or yelling about going poop”.

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) I lost my dog in July. Other than the obvious grief for a family member, I dare say, I almost immediately realized that the luxury of instant vacuuming service will be much missed. I remember tweeting ‘how do people that don’t own dogs get rid of the crumbs???’.

      MomMom 3 years ago

      I know, my parents have dogs and I think about stealing one everytime we go home! Our cat just turns his nose up at the crumbs lol.

Claudia 3 years ago

I’m reading this in the middle of moving cross-country. I can’t find my coffee maker, I don’t know what color floors we have anymore and the million boxes won’t let me confirm. Through all this I can see my naked three year old soon with underwear in his head playing in his Buzz Lightyear tent set up in the “living room”. I LAUGHED at this piece and how incredibly normal everything is now. Thanks!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Thank you! It makes me so happy knowing that I contributed to a happier more ‘normal’ morning. Best of luck with your move, Claudia and I will see you around!

Joan 3 years ago

#10. I think, maybe, the 3 year old boy child may finally get it. I gave up on closing the door many moons ago. However, I got scolded this morning with, “Mommy! I’m closing the door so the WHOLE WORLD doesn’t see your butt!” Amen, son. Isn’t that what I have been preaching all along? Peaceful peeing = happy mom. Here’s to hoping…

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) this is hysterical, I enjoy so much reading these comments! I love it how they turn your own teachings against you. I am always told now that I should say please when I tell him ‘pick up your toys’.

Gracenikki 3 years ago

Lol, as a fellow mom of two small boys, a few of my more ridiculous utterances:
“No, I will NOT make your truck some scrambled eggs”
“You may not play with your penis at the dinner table”
“Please don’t lick the kitty”

    Katia 3 years ago

    I love that! I always tell myself I should keep better track of the totally random and surprising (to myself) sentences that come out of my mouth. Good for you for remembering.

      Gracenikki 3 years ago

      I actually keep a notebook. It’s probably the only “supermom” thing that I do, but my 3 year old throws out so many gems everyday, I have to write them down otherwise I’d forget them all :)

        Katia 3 years ago

        I keep one too, but it’s always on the other floor. Whichever one I am not on.

          Sassa 3 years ago

          I should keep a notebook too. My kids crack me up all the time. A couple weeks ago, my son got into and wasted something I needed. I asked him, “Do you think we’re made of money?” He just looked at me and said, “No, you’re made of meat.” Try keeping a straight face after that one. My daughter is the one who says really strange (er, normal?) things. One time were out for a walk, and she called me a cheeseburger butt. I looked at her and laughed and said, “What? No, I’m not.” She said, “You have to be because I need a snack.” How on earth do you respond to something like that?! Of course, I’m usually saying things like, “Why is there peanut butter in the back of your hair?” “How did you get that banana on the ceiling?” “People are not trampolines!” “Syrup is not glue, and no, that is not me telling you that you should use glue! You do not glue your toys to your sister’s face.” “Why is your underwear stuffed into the couch? Did you go to school without underwear on again?” etc. etc. etc. *Sigh I think I’ll go waste another pot of coffee now.

          Keelye 3 years ago

          “is that banana in your eyelash?” Wondering if it was at the eyes or in the eyes, should probably go ahead and check in the nose and ears and make sure he’s not saving snacks for later…

Amy J. 3 years ago

I also have two little boys and can totally relate! Particularly to #1 as it has happened to me more than once!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Poor Amy! I’m sure the future holds more breast stepping incidents for me.

Krystal 3 years ago

My dd learned how to escape the exerscauser at about 10 months. She would rock so hard until she could grasp something in her immediate vicinity. At that point she would hold on for dear life and pull until the exerscauser was at the perfect angle for slithering out and into said stationary object. Leaving the room for five seconds and coming back to find your 10 month old magically laying on the ottoman like Shamu… Totally normal. Needless to say we’ve since abandoned the excerscaucer…

    MomMom 3 years ago

    My son started escaping the exerscaucer about that age too! He had so much upper body strength he would just grab one of the built in toys, pull himself up and (not so) gracefully slither out head first! I cried the day we had to throw it out. It was my last ditch effort of keeping him in one spot for more than two seconds!

      Krystal 3 years ago

      I’m ashamed to say that my dd is now 16 months and sometimes I strap her in the swing. Not because she enjoys it, because she can’t go anywhere for those couple of minutes! Lol.

        Katia 3 years ago

        I envy you both (and myself on round #1) for your babies lasting that long. 5 Month Old figured out that nothing isn’t quite as comfy as his baby bjorn. Full stop. Of this thing called my life, that is.

          Krystal 3 years ago

          We had the phase as well. I went through about five carriers until I found one I could live with. And then she became a little more independent and the carrier now sits in my car for emergencies only. Such is life! Lol

          Katia 3 years ago

          That’s comforting, thanks, Krystal! :-)

          Sassa 3 years ago

          Lol Yeah, I remember when mine were little like that. Nothing kept them contained for very long. My son was opening the gate and climbing (and subsequently falling down) the stairs by 10 months, as well as climbing out of his high chair. My daughter didn’t last that long. She learned early on that if she wanted something, her brother was the answer. She wanted out of her playpen, he cut a hole in the netting so she could crawl out. I put up the baby gates in the hallway so that only their room and the bathroom were accessible while I was cleaning. My daughter (then 8 months old) wanted out, so she tapped the gate while saying, “iah!” (her version of Elijah). He walked his happy butt up there, opened the gate, and went right back to playing. I walked out of the kitchen to find my daughter on the couch hitting the remote. smh

        MomMom 3 years ago

        My son hated the swing for some bizare reason! He’s 2 now, so all efforts to tie him down are long gone. Escapes the playpen, crib, can open baby gates…Really scary stage for mommy!

      vicki 3 years ago

      My daughter hated anything that tied her down. Swings, exersaucer, carriers…she wanted to be free. There was one toy on the saucer that she couldnt fit in her mouth and she would start screaming bloody murder. We gave it away quickly.

        Katia 3 years ago

        OMG, this is 5 Month Old! He doesn’t like the exersaucer because it’s not the jolly jumper and because it has toys he can’t fit into his mouth. He doesn’t like his playpen because it’s not his mom. He doesn’t like the bumbo seat because who likes that and he doesn’t like the bouncy chair because he likes to sit up straight. He likes the jolly jumper but can only spend 15 minutes on it. Equals one tired mommy who is debating between coffee and booze as the new hobby she will be taking on.

Jennifer 3 years ago

I have one of those 3 year old’s who don’t wear underwear! Another one who asks me a million questions as soon as I get on the phone and another one who doesn’t understand the rule of # 5 ! And our Date nights always end with walmart …. “Fun times!”

    Katia 3 years ago

    HAHA!!! I have one that incorporates everything you’ve just described. And one who decided he is not interested in any exersaucer, crib BS is he can live ON me 24/7.

Katia 3 years ago

Thank you for the perfect comment! :-) It makes me really happy that I got an lol. I love being lolish.

Falon 3 years ago

This is perfect in every way, shape, and form. I love it. I think #10 is my fave. Made me laugh out loud.

Debbie 3 years ago

These are great, Katia. It bring back the old memories. However I hate to tell you ladies but even after they are grown you have days where you ask yourself, “Why in heavens name did I do this to myself.” (have any kids at all).

By the way if you don’t have stripped shirt you might want to get one, because you become a referee as they get older. Get a Whistle while your at it, they do come in hand. Saves on the voice.

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) I do have one, but it has spit up on it.

    Thank you so much, Debbie. I love your comment. Except for the “it won’t change” part. I’ll just block that out. Makes life easier 😛

Cassandra 3 years ago

I can’t tell you how many times “caterpillar power” has woken up my light sleeping 19 month son! Fantastic post, all of which is so very true.

    Katia 3 years ago

    And I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know that someone else shares my caterpillar power annoyance. Don’t know why but it just does :-)

    I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. Come visit me in blogosphere!

Erica 3 years ago

And of course it’s favorite teddy bear. I remember when I used to have a favorite teddy… Sigh.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Yes, our favourite teddy is called Blue Bear. For reals.

Grandma Nae 3 years ago

This all sounds perfectly normal to me!!! :)

    Katia 3 years ago

    Of course, Grandma Nae. Abnormal is the new normal once you’ve started having kids, right? 😉

Mercy 3 years ago

Love this! Sounds like my house.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Thank you, Mercy! :-)

Ally 3 years ago

#7 – totally #7! And I found myself saying the other day, while on the phone with another mommy friend to the 3 year old “If he’s screaming that means ‘no thank you’ ” as the 3 year old was “hugging” his little brother. Me and my mommy friend decided that in general that rule applies to most things in life!

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) love it! I’ll remind myself of that too. A very loud and demanding ‘no, thank you!’.

Keelye 3 years ago

Also on that rare occasion you decide to go out for dinner “as a family” and you catch yourself saying things like “we don’t do that in public” and “please don’t announce that” and you feel bad for the person cleaning the floor of crumbs from your messy eater so you ask if you can do it…

    Katia 3 years ago

    Floor crumbs, chair/bench, table, the people who sat across from you’s table…

      Keelye 3 years ago

      Lol yep! Apologize for the mess, and ask for their broom or vacuum lol. Oh how i do NOT miss mine being a toddler

Natalie 3 years ago

OMG Love it!
Uv just described my day totally apart from the exersaucer we got rid now. I got the whole 3 yr old boy running round naked, but u forgot to say the ” leave it alone itll drop off” sayin that is a regular in my house with sed 3 yr old. and an 8 yr old girl who does the “mummy look what his doin, can we take a picture thing n add to facebook” mean while sed 3 yr old doin something he sooo should not be doin. lol i dont have the dating issue tho cause the only dates i have are with a nice warm cuppa coffee at about 9 oclock once they both proper soundo – usually the only coffee in the day i actually get to drink. Uh that reminds me i boiled the kettle earlier – thats as far as my coffee got! lol

    Katia 3 years ago

    Yes, I hear you Natalie, boiling the same kettle over and over again. Walking up to it, realizing it’s hot, going – oh, yes, that’s right, whatever happened to that tea I was going to have 4 hours ago?… I should have added that to the list.

LynnZMbH 3 years ago

This is perfect. Try having a 12 year old daughter and a 4 month old infant at the same time. Dinner conversation consists of me asking “Do you want pepperoni on your pizza or just cheese?” 12 year old hysterically responds “You don’t know anything about me!!” While my 4 month old throws up in my hair.

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) you are funny!! Glass half full exercise: it would have been scarier if it was the other way around, right? 😉

    BJ 3 years ago

    Lynn, my 12 yr old was complemented by and 8, 4, and 1-yr old, girl, boy, boy, girl. While the oldest was looking at colleges, the next was anticipating high school, the next was approaching “senior year” in elementary school, and the youngest somehow didn’t realize she was the youngest. It gets progressively crazier.

      LynnZMbH 3 years ago

      Oh, I ALSO have an 11 year old son. He just happens to be my least insane child at the moment.

Michelle 3 years ago

U had me at someone stepped on your boob!! Lol

    Katia 3 years ago

    Well, then it paid off. Because let me tell you it took much longer than it should until he moved his foot. 😛

      Michelle 3 years ago

      Yep! I can’t lay down around here without having my 1yr old trying to climb mommy via breasts. And she always seems to take the first step right on the nipple. Hubby laughs saying the baby is kicking my a-s-s, can’t wait for her to climb his lap hehe

        Katia 3 years ago

        :-)) nip (ple) it at the bud! It’s never too early to teach your child that your breast is not a trampoline.

Scott 3 years ago

Oh yeah, you nailed it…

You see a first-time expectant couple and a maniacal laugh wells up in your throat. You want to say something nice but “Get all the sleep you can now” is all you can muster.

You pride yourself on all your newly acquired home style remedies for problems you never expected to have to resolve like “Toothpicks are great for getting vomit out of the gaps in hardwood floors”.

Including the person who invented the Diaper Genie in your evening prayer just seems like the right thing to do.

In the battle between “Nature vs. Nurture”, you finally realize Nature wins every time.

    Katia 3 years ago

    You are hilarious, Scott. I forgot to include the person who invented Diaper Genie in my prayers. Am I going to hell?

      Scott 3 years ago

      Thanks Katia, you inspired me.

      No, you’re not going to hell, but I bet you won’t forget to tonight ;-).

      I could go on, and on, and on, but this is your blog, so I’ll quit while you’re ahead!

        Scott 3 years ago

        One more, because it still amazes me:

        Your youngest (twins) are seventeen, but one of your biggest fears in being without baby wipes.

          Scott 3 years ago

          “is” not “in”…

          Katia 3 years ago

          :-)) I love that!!! Now I know where to get them, should I ever run out.

          Scott 3 years ago

          From my cold, dead hands! Get yer own!

          Katia 3 years ago


Starla 3 years ago

Too funny and oh so true!
My days are filled with…
‘Don’t eat that, it’s nasty.’ followed a short time later by, ‘eat your (brkfst, lunch, dinner).’
‘Get out of the toilet.’
‘You can talk to me when you’re FINISHED brushing your teeth’
or when the older ones are trying to yell homework questions at you from another room. SERIOUSLY? I have no idea what you just said to me.
Singing and dancing to the peepee (or poopoo) song 300 times a day every day with the potty training 2 yr old.
And just the other day my 8 yr old was yelling at me from outside thr locked bathroom door while mommy was trying to potty in peace.
Finally, answering the question, ‘can i (or we) go here or do this’ 6 million times a week per any child over 3 in the house.
I am a mother of 4 and I wear my stained T-shirt, flimsy shorts, worn out slip on shoes and ratty bun on my head PROUDLY…bc who has time to change more than twice a week??? And what’s a brush????

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) I don’t know how you do it, Starla. More power to you.
    I guess when they are older and yell to you from the other room about their homework you can’t just give them the ol’ “yeaaaah! That’s awesome!!!” that I give 3 Year Old.

      Starla 3 years ago

      We somehow manage not to kill each other. Hahaha. And by the time Dad gets home from work, he’s a celebrity!
      The oldest is 11 and already, Mom and Dad know nothing. It’s a wonder we’ve made it so long in this cruel world without poisoning ourselves by eating super glue and drooling all day.
      What I wouldn’t give to be the kid who knows everything there is to know about anything! Haha.
      Excuse me kid, did you just ask me to help you with your homework and then tell me ‘thats not how you do it’? ‘Damn wish i hadn’t wasted all that time and money on college, I could have waited and let you teach me everything’

        Katia 3 years ago

        HAHA! That’s awesome. I get that attitude from 3 Year Old sometimes. He corrects me on words that he mispronounces.

        Jenna 3 years ago

        Oh, I hear you on this one. I have an 11 year old going on 35! The attitude after she asks for help, but I don’t give her the answer she wants!

        I love Monday mornings, I work from home. But according to the 8 year old, I just sleep all day and do nothing but play on the computer. Oh the joys!

        My favorite night time thing is the youngest that stands by the side of my bed and just stares. She won’t talk, she just stares until you wake up with that startle that someone is there. Nothing like that to get your heart racing at 3am.

          Katia 3 years ago

          The youngest standing by the side of the bed just staring had me laughing out loud :-))

        Expat Mom 3 years ago

        My 7 year old is already like this. I homeschool and the other day, I said, “Did you know that some molds are used in medicine?”
        He said, “Yeah, I knew that.”
        Me: “Really? Where did you learn it?”
        7 year old: “I figured it out.” Riiiiight, smarty pants.
        I frequently find myself telling him, “How long have you been alive? 7 years? You REALLY think that you have learned more in that amount of time than I’ve learned in 33 years?”
        His response, “Well, duh.”

          Katia 3 years ago

          Of course. We’re parents. We’re losers by definition. Duh. :-)

          Andrea 1 year ago

          My son just knows things. He told us when he turned three he just knew. About every six months he just knows a new set of info. I so wished it actually worked like that.

        Brandi 2 years ago

        My parents had a sign on the fridge that read “teenagers! Move out and pay your own bills while you still know everything!” Then my mom laid the curse on me…”One day I hope you have a child just. like. YOU” and I did.

        Kris 1 year ago

        Eleven is fun, you’ll realize you know even less by their standards when they turn 15. We have a 15 year old girl, 7 year old boy and four month old girl….the spread is exhausting.

Beth M 3 years ago

Love this! #17 happens to me all of the time. Mini-me seems to think stickers count as accessories for Mommy.

    Katia 3 years ago

    They could pass for one given the right theme, but Spiderman and Charlie Brown are not really my thing.

Elizabeth 3 years ago

This really hits home for me! I am a SAHM to a toddler and a baby (both boys), and well, this post is my day in a nutshell. I can only hope that what we consider a “date” improves as they get older! This was the laugh I needed this morning (and the reassurance that I am not the only one singing B-I-N-G-O and Jack-N-Jill as soon as I wake up)!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Elizabeth, let me reassure you further. Not only do I sing B-I-N-G-O (my bingo is actually “this old man, he played one”) but I also catch myself talking baby talk to food that I am making. Ok, this looks much worse in writing.

Sili 3 years ago

This is me peeing my pants. Thank you. Now I have to stop drinking my coffee to change my underwear. Hilarious and true!


    Katia 3 years ago

    Oops. Sorry about that. At least no one stepped on your breast 😉

      Sili 3 years ago

      Yeah so…I didn’t say that. Mine get squished and somehow she thinks it’s funny. Of course, we’ve now started asking things like: mami what’s that circle? That she sees protruding through my jammies. And yeah, she tries to touch. Then she looks at herself while changing and asks me what the circles on her “boobs” are. She’ll be the only 3 year old in her class who will say she has areolas. I might as well teach her since she’s asking.

        Katia 3 years ago

        You are too funny. If it makes you feel better my 3 Year Old knows about sperm and eggs, but he thinks I said spoon. I haven’t corrected him. :-)

Megan 3 years ago

I have 2 year old twin boys. This post is my life!

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) And it’s somehow comforting to me that it’s someone else’s life too. Thanks, Megan!

Amanda 3 years ago

As little boys grow, they figure out new, more inventive ways to team up against momma! Mine are 8 & I miss their baby faces, but I get to sleep in now :)

    Katia 3 years ago

    This is inspiring, 8 is my new mantra. :-) I know what you mean, my older one is only 3.5 but I can already tell this whole growing up thing is happening too fast. And I am curious about how your boys made you feel really old. Gonna have to bookmark that for later.

Amelora 3 years ago

Mine would be – Mondays start to look great because they go back to school, office drama has nothing on a Sunday afternoon “there’s nothing to dooooooo” melt down.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Totally. You actually get to rest. And use the restroom too. That was the highlight of returning to work after my first mat leave. I get washroom privacy.

      SAssy 3 years ago

      Yeah, This is a point of contention when hubbs gets home from work and I immediately go to the bathroom. UMM.. Yeah, you just had 8 hours to go to the bathroom uninterrupted, I’m going to take 10 minutes and poop and file my finger nails. Deal with it! LOL

        Katia 3 years ago

        You go sassy girl! No pun intended.;-)

Zooy 3 years ago

Did you know that stupid Fisher Price Dog has 10 or more songs… and can I sing them all… yes.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Yes, I am totally with you. I bet if they step on our rib cage, head or breast in the middle of the night and wake us up, we’ll be able to sing all of them without ever hesitating.

    lisa 3 years ago

    You mean the Fisher Price dog that randomly starts talking at 2:30 am from the toy box at the foot of your bed? It took 5 bleary minutes for me to figure out how to turn it off.

    Anne 3 years ago

    You mean the “Creepy Puppy” that on the way home from the store in the back of my Tucson with nothing touching it suddenly said, “Peek-a-boo! I see you!” Like some kind of fucking Chucky doll? That one?

      Jennie 3 years ago

      We have one of those and we call it “creepy dog”. Best is when nobody is anywhere near it and it says, “you’re wonderful!” It makes me think that it wants to add, “…to eat!” after that phrase. Creepy-ass dog!

        Anne 3 years ago

        Jennie, that’s awesome! I’ve called it Creepy Puppy for so long that my son even calls it that.

Davelyn 3 years ago

omg i was hysterically laughing into my coffee this morning (that i know i wont get to finish)

    Katia 3 years ago

    :-)) Of course you won’t get to finish it, but I’ll take the blame for this one, Davelyn. And thanks, I’m glad it made you laugh!

Debbie McCormick 3 years ago

Love it. Very well done. I especially loved the fighted, eated, and breaked. hahaha – my kids do that to their words all the time.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Thanks so much, Debbie! Yes, he is all about eated, breaked, putted things in his bum.

Mama Melch 3 years ago

I DREAM of waking up at 7:20! I’m so happy everyone else has had to utter ridiculous phrases like “please stop licking things” and “generally, the butt is exit only.” Hilarious post!

    Katia 3 years ago

    Thank you so much, Mama Melch! Yes, exit only is a good way to put it. I’ll use it when the next opportunity arises.

    Scarlet 3 years ago

    Reminds me of video on the local news about a traveling intestines/colon exhibit (REALLY slow news day) and at one end of the gigantic colon (large enough for a kid to crawl through) was a sign that read “Exit Only”. My husband and I were giggling like 12-year-olds when suddenly the camera zoomed in to block the “Exit Only” sign out of the shot. We erupted in uncontrollable laughter.

      Katia 3 years ago

      :-)) Somehow I missed this. Glad I came back.

Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

Oh, the good ol days!!! Trust me it gets better! Now, I have conversations when I pee, when I’m on the phone, when I sleep, kids scream random things, get stuck places, walk on my ribcage, trip over air… wait, nothing’s really changes, shit, never mind!

    Katia 3 years ago

    So no sleep in my future either, eh? Oh well. As long as I can steal a moment with my key lime pie.

teri 3 years ago

Yup there’s an excersaucer here too but there’s a 2 year old girl stuck in it hysterically screaming “out!” While my 8 year old takes video instead of actually getting her out. She’s all “mom how many views will we get on youtube?”

    Katia 3 years ago

    HAHA! Teamwork. I look forward to that.

    Amy 2 years ago

    Oh. my. gawd.

    I just had a vision of my girls (big sis 6 years; baby sis 6 weeks) doing this in two years’ time. My 6-year-old loves (and has always loved) operating cameras and video recording devices.

    Also, this article is hilarious. I’m totally the criminal who eated the chocolate cake.

Alison 3 years ago

Hahaha! Loved this!
There is a bright green Exersaucer in my living room.
Also? Crumbs. Everywhere. All the time.

    Katia 3 years ago

    Absolutely everywhere, including your hand bag which you open at work and in addition to crumbs you also find a piece of speedo like toddler underwear with an Elmo. True story.

      Shannon 3 years ago

      I think this thread is amusing. I remember back in my reckless days when the bottom of my handbag was full of stray tobacco from my stale pack of cigarettes. Now, cookie crumbs. Can’t decide which is worse for me…

        Katia 3 years ago

        Tobacco, toy cars, rubber frogs, Elmo underwear.

    Ronnie 3 years ago

    I’ve passed-on the exersaucer, but still have the crumbs…
    My 2 year old likes to play with the Swiffer-Vac, and somehow, I don’t have a problem with that! Just wished she would figure out how to do the corners and under the couch!

      Scarlet 3 years ago

      I showed my daughter once how to use the Swiffer and she mopped the entire house while I drank my lukewarm coffee. Yesterday our dog tracked in mud and my daughter had cleaned it up with the Swiffer before I got out of the shower. Best. invention. ever!

      Jennifer 3 years ago

      My 2 yo loves the swifter too. His “game” is to swifter the livingroom and kitchen while I eat my lunch and catch up on my shows

      Katia 3 years ago

      Ronnie, dogs are good for corners. :-)

        Ronnie 3 years ago

        Hehehe… I’ve been thinking about getting one, but as is I have too much $hit to take care of (quite literally!). With the 3 kids, the cat and the fish! I guess maybe when the 2 year old is done potty training, it might be a better time!

Anne Kimball 3 years ago

Omg, this was hilarious.
Or how about when you’re in the middle of making dinner and helping someone plot x on a graph and spelling catastrophe for someone else, and a child whines “where is my bacpack” and you answer “in the bathtub”, and nothing at all seems strange….

    Katia 3 years ago

    Of course! Isn’t that what bath tubs are for?!

    So glad you liked it, Anne :-)


Enjoying this? Then like us on Facebook

Introducing Discover & SAVE: --
NEW Scary Mommy Holiday Program.
Tap to learn more. Click here to learn more.