33 Reasons Moms are Late

237 Comments

late-mom

I was never an incredibly punctual person, but but becoming a parent has put a whole new spin on my excuses for being late to meetings, school, parties and appointments. Back in the day, I was late because of the normal stuff, you know, my hair didn’t look just right, my alarm clock didn’t go off, there was traffic on 95… Now, between me barely keeping my head on straight and my kids being out of their minds, my excuses look more like this:

Sorry I’m late but …

1. My daughter’s socks hurt, or as she likes to put it, her socks “hate her.”

2. Both my children had to poop as soon as we left the driveway.

3. I couldn’t find my keys … they were in my pocket.

4. My kids were fighting over who got to sit in which seat.

5. My son decided to wrestle with the dog rather than simply walk out the door, so we had to clean the fur off of his clothes, but I couldn’t find the lint roller, so I had to fashion one from masking tape and MacGyver it off.

6. All of a sudden, none of their shoes seemed to have a mate. NONE.

7. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask where babies come from.

8. There was a wardrobe malfunction that led to wet underwear and a much-needed, last-minute bath.

9. My son skinned his knee on the way to the car.

10. My kids got suddenly parched, which led to drinks, which led to snacks. So, we’re here to meet you for lunch, but frankly, no one is hungry.

Related: How many kids should you have?

11. No one heard me say “it’s time to go,” even though I said it 20 times … at various volumes.

12. My daughter decided this would be a good time to have a meltdown over something that happened hours ago. Did I say hours? I meant days.

13. My kids were fighting over who the dog loves more.

14. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask about puberty.

15. I couldn’t find my phone… it was in my hand.

16. My son got a fever on the way to the car.

17. My dog, who had just gone out, decided to pee on the floor.

18. My son found the dog pee… with his foot.

19. My kids were fighting over what radio station I would get stuck listening to.

20. My son remembered that he forgot to do his homework.

21. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask me about homosexuality.

22. My daughter changed 13 times until she felt she found an outfit that said, “I’m fashionable, but not so chic that I can’t meet someone for fro yo.”

23. My kids bumped heads getting into the car.

24. My son’s elbow hurt.

25. My kids were fighting over whose tongue is longer.

26. My daughter decided that an old cut needed to be re-cleaned and re-bandaged. We couldn’t find the cut, as it had basically healed, so we cleaned and bandaged where we thought it once was.

27. I couldn’t find my glasses… they were on my head.

28. My daughter wanted to draw this picture for you. You better love it.

29. A stuffed animal that hasn’t been played with in months was noticed to be missing as we exited the house. Lost signs needed to be made, the milk carton people needed to be alerted and we ransacked our home to find it.

30. My son fell out of the car while getting into the car.

31. I couldn’t find one of my kids, he/she was waiting in the car.

32. My daughter realized she forgot to put on underwear and she was in a skirt.

33. My daughter’s fingernail was itchy.

Comments

  1. 5

    says

    All my kids have left home except for one. Those are perfect and TIMELESS! I will tell you – your list is going to get a lot longer… enjoy!!

  2. 7

    says

    This morning I was Kate for two reasons:
    My son didn’t want to wipe his butt because it was TOO STINKY.
    My daughter only wanted to wear a sweater that was pink AND purple. Not just pink. Not just purple. And not pink, purple and then others colors. Just pink and purple. We don’t have a sweater like that.

  3. 11

    Victoria Sansone says

    And they seem to have none of these problems when the big scary daddy has them for the hour out once a month…..

    • 12

      dad says

      I have the same thing as this happen with me and my ex. She complains of all the things I never see. My son (4yr old) knows he cant get away with it with me and he stopped trying. She is a push over and he easily gets away with things. Suck it up moms, get a little tougher or stop complaining.

      • 13

        Ohnoyoudidn't! says

        With such a bright, cheery, uplifting, supportive and understanding attitude towards moms, one can see why you have an ex (ex’s, maybe?)

  4. 19

    Kate says

    Oh.My.God. This is my life. But I have two boys. The younger one has socks that “budge” on his toes, and they have decided that their life is not complete unless one of them is touching the other. By touching I mean kicking, hitting, flicking, licking, etc. I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!

  5. 21

    says

    "And they seem to have none of these problems when the big scary daddy has them for the hour out once a month….."
    That's because kids know that dads don't put up with that shit.

  6. 22

    Lawry says

    You forgot the furbaby is STARVING and Mr. Independent (age5) must do it rightthisverysecondallbyhimself and add no less than 15mins to getting out the door you should have left out of 20 mins ago!

  7. 31

    Marnie Sloan Brodersen says

    Holy hell, thank you for this. I just recently read that article about how appalling it is that everyone is late these days. I'll admit that I was never good at it, but kids make it damn near impossible. #6 for God's sake! #6!!!!

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