33 Reasons Moms are Late

418 Comments

late-mom

I was never an incredibly punctual person, but but becoming a parent has put a whole new spin on my excuses for being late to meetings, school, parties and appointments. Back in the day, I was late because of the normal stuff, you know, my hair didn’t look just right, my alarm clock didn’t go off, there was traffic on 95… Now, between me barely keeping my head on straight and my kids being out of their minds, my excuses look more like this:

Sorry I’m late but …

1. My daughter’s socks hurt, or as she likes to put it, her socks “hate her.”

2. Both my children had to poop as soon as we left the driveway.

3. I couldn’t find my keys … they were in my pocket.

4. My kids were fighting over who got to sit in which seat.

5. My son decided to wrestle with the dog rather than simply walk out the door, so we had to clean the fur off of his clothes, but I couldn’t find the lint roller, so I had to fashion one from masking tape and MacGyver it off.

6. All of a sudden, none of their shoes seemed to have a mate. NONE.

7. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask where babies come from.

8. There was a wardrobe malfunction that led to wet underwear and a much-needed, last-minute bath.

9. My son skinned his knee on the way to the car.

10. My kids got suddenly parched, which led to drinks, which led to snacks. So, we’re here to meet you for lunch, but frankly, no one is hungry.

11. No one heard me say “it’s time to go,” even though I said it 20 times … at various volumes.

12. My daughter decided this would be a good time to have a meltdown over something that happened hours ago. Did I say hours? I meant days.

13. My kids were fighting over who the dog loves more.

14. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask about puberty.

15. I couldn’t find my phone… it was in my hand.

16. My son got a fever on the way to the car.

17. My dog, who had just gone out, decided to pee on the floor.

18. My son found the dog pee… with his foot.

19. My kids were fighting over what radio station I would get stuck listening to.

20. My son remembered that he forgot to do his homework.

21. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask me about homosexuality.

22. My daughter changed 13 times until she felt she found an outfit that said, “I’m fashionable, but not so chic that I can’t meet someone for fro yo.”

23. My kids bumped heads getting into the car.

24. My son’s elbow hurt.

25. My kids were fighting over whose tongue is longer.

26. My daughter decided that an old cut needed to be re-cleaned and re-bandaged. We couldn’t find the cut, as it had basically healed, so we cleaned and bandaged where we thought it once was.

27. I couldn’t find my glasses… they were on my head.

28. My daughter wanted to draw this picture for you. You better love it.

29. A stuffed animal that hasn’t been played with in months was noticed to be missing as we exited the house. Lost signs needed to be made, the milk carton people needed to be alerted and we ransacked our home to find it.

30. My son fell out of the car while getting into the car.

31. I couldn’t find one of my kids, he/she was waiting in the car.

32. My daughter realized she forgot to put on underwear and she was in a skirt.

33. My daughter’s fingernail was itchy.

Comments

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  1. 9

    says

    This morning I was Kate for two reasons:
    My son didn’t want to wipe his butt because it was TOO STINKY.
    My daughter only wanted to wear a sweater that was pink AND purple. Not just pink. Not just purple. And not pink, purple and then others colors. Just pink and purple. We don’t have a sweater like that.

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    • 15

      dad says

      I have the same thing as this happen with me and my ex. She complains of all the things I never see. My son (4yr old) knows he cant get away with it with me and he stopped trying. She is a push over and he easily gets away with things. Suck it up moms, get a little tougher or stop complaining.

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      • 16

        Ohnoyoudidn't! says

        With such a bright, cheery, uplifting, supportive and understanding attitude towards moms, one can see why you have an ex (ex’s, maybe?)

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      • 17

        Sarah says

        Actually, I’m the one who can usually get them ready fast in the morning. It takes their dad an extra 45 minutes just to get them out of bed. It depends on the person, not the gender.

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        • 18

          Jessica says

          I agree. Getting ready to leave and getting out of the door is a breeze (most of the time)! But when my husband decides to take them out whether it’s to meet me at work for lunch or whatever, they are guaranteed to be at least 2 hours behind schedule.
          It’s funny how even when he’s there with me, trying to help to get them ready and into the car, it’s more chaotic than when I’m alone getting them ready to go!

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      • 19

        med109 says

        “Suck it up moms, get a little tougher or stop complaining”- I didn’t see any mom’s complaining, and most of them were joking, some even miss it! Almost all wouldn’t trade the issues for the world.

        “My son (4yr old) knows he cant get away with it with me and he stopped trying.”- Your son knows he can’t get skinned knees, bumped heads, or fall down with you? Wow, lighten up a little Dad! You are missing out on a whole other side of your kid, the funny, off the wall side, simply because you want to be a controlling hard ass!

        Lighten up Dad, and let him be 4 for cryin out loud.

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        • 20

          Mom of 5 says

          My husband told me that I had to “stay with them and ‘make’ them do what I asked. In other words, hound them all day long. Ha, ha. With 5 children that’s all I would have had time to do all day. He was with them maybe a full hour a day before he left for work and before they went to bed.

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      • 22

        Kayla says

        If you knew about child psychology you would know that children misbehave more for the parent they feel the most comfortable/the closest bond with. They feel that they can show their emotions more with that parent. But, yeah, why don’t you go ahead and slam all those moms out there that actually give a damn about their child’s feelings and bust their asses every day taking care of them. SMH

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        • 23

          Rosanna says

          Thank you! This is great to hear and it needed to be stated! I am rather strict, but I comfort my kids when needed. I spend so much time fussing and yelling (because they hear nothing when I say things in a normal tone 3 or 4 times). I am by no means a “pushover”; however, my kids are much more irritable, whinny, dramatic, sometimes down right mean with me more than anyone else! They do it with there dad who is as equally strict as I am; but, definitely not to the extreme of how they are with me.

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    • 25

      Daddyo says

      I am a single dad by the way. Loved, loved, loved this article, but some of the snarky comments are a fail, especially this one about how kids never act up for the “big scary daddy who only has the kids for one hour a month”. Guess what? I have the kids ALL the time and they don’t act up for me either. You see, I don’t let them. Yeah its a struggle sometimes, but in the long run its better for everyone. But all the other stuff we have happen because they’re KIDS. And for the other snarky comments that dads must be beating their kids or not letting them have any fun – you wish. Maybe you’re just feeling threatened because some men can parent better than you can? My kids get to have fun, act silly, make a mess (and clean up) and in general have a good time – while also getting on the AB honor roll – and behaving. And yes, I don’t have any respect for their mom. You see, she had a breakdown and ran off with a foreigner and now lives far away. The details are really too bizarre for this forum and some days I still can’t believe it myself. That’s okay, my girlfriend is smart, funny, affectionate, …and motherly, among many other great traits, and I look forward to her being my wife – and a great one.

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  2. 29

    Kate says

    Oh.My.God. This is my life. But I have two boys. The younger one has socks that “budge” on his toes, and they have decided that their life is not complete unless one of them is touching the other. By touching I mean kicking, hitting, flicking, licking, etc. I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!

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  3. 33

    Lawry says

    You forgot the furbaby is STARVING and Mr. Independent (age5) must do it rightthisverysecondallbyhimself and add no less than 15mins to getting out the door you should have left out of 20 mins ago!

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    • 39

      Kim says

      Exactly! #6 made me snort my coffee! I actually made my son wear a pair of his flip flops that we were finally able to locate only because I suddenly recalled throwing them in the trash can because the dog ate part of one. He had two other pairs of flip flops and sneakers which could NOT be located anywhere and we had five minutes to get to the dr office left. He went in wearing a half eaten pair of shoes but we made it! Ha

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  4. 43

    Marnie Sloan Brodersen says

    Holy hell, thank you for this. I just recently read that article about how appalling it is that everyone is late these days. I'll admit that I was never good at it, but kids make it damn near impossible. #6 for God's sake! #6!!!!

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    • 44

      Lisa says

      #6 tie the shoe laces together…. honest!!! All 4 of mine are now preteens and older, trust me with more than a million pairs of shoes, this is probably the best way to keep what little bit of sanity you will have left in the morning…
      I love the list it is great and made me laugh so much, #16 is my absolute favorite!!

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      • 45

        Diana says

        Ah, but my kids will attempt to untie them themselves and then we’ll still have a big time suck while I unknot three pairs of shoes…as I type, I am remembering that I need to find a shoe mate to my youngest son’s brand new pair of sneakers that Grandma bought him for school…preferably before school starts in 11 days…

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  5. 46

    Valarie says

    This is so my mornings but I only have 1 son thats 4 1/2. His main thing is “whoops, mom I forgot to get a toy/movie for daycare” every morning lol. That seriously had me rollin laughin!! Great start to a Monday, thank you!!!

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