We all know what Kegel exercises are … right? Those super secret vagina squeezes we all do while sitting in a PTA meeting or a crowded coffee shop writing about Kegel exercises. They are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and keep those pelvic organs in place. They are also quite handy for keeping you from peeing your pants.
In your 20s and maybe well into your 30s, you might not think much about your pelvic floor. It’s doing a fine job of holding in all the stuff, and everything works just as it should. Life gets busy, and it never really occurs to you that one day there may be issues in the regions of nether.
And so it goes that you are a lazy Kegel-er. Every once in awhile, I would practice stopping the flow, you know, just to make sure everything was still sitting pretty down there and all was good in the hood.
Then it happens one day. Just when you are comfortable and think everything is working just fine — BAM! you start peeing your pants everywhere and you’re kicking yourself for not being a more diligent Kegel exerciser.
Here are seven ways you know you have failed at Kegels:
1. One of your kids says something hysterical at the dinner table and you find yourself, legs crossed, hobbling as fast as you can for the nearest bathroom.
2. Walking anywhere outside during allergy season has you doing an awkward ballet of step-step-stop-cross legs-sneeze and hoping you can stop and cross fast enough.
3. Running of any kind without a few trips to the bathroom first, and then just one more to be sure, is out of the question.
4. Exercises such as squats and jumping jacks are more of a challenge than ever and may require a leak guard.
5. The kid who loves to play scary pranks just got more than the scream he bargained for … and it’s all over his shoes.
6. Trampolines, once a fantastic way to spend time playing with the kids, now evoke the fear of an MMA Octagon.
7. On a long road trip you are reminded constantly that the extra-large soft drink or Triple Venti Half Sweet Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato really wasn’t such a good idea and you pray for signs of a rest area … very soon.
Kegels, ladies. They are important.
As for me, I’m hoping it’s not too late. My strategy is to become the crossfitter of Kegels. Because nobody wants to see their vagina and whatnot lying on the outside of their body, and I’m really tired of changing my pants.