Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Tanya Doyle is the thinker behind Original Thoughts of an Unoriginal Thinker. She spends her days as a corporate drone and her nights as a referee to three “precious” boys. Age and hormones are doing a job on her ADHD (and hair follicles), and her blog has born witness to it all. In her spare time, Tanya can be found napping.
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Our household is what I like to call “love rich/cash poor.” Back in the days when we were love rich/cash rich, we had help with the house, but those days are long gone. Now, keeping the house clean is a task left solely to us. As a result, the house is a mess. Step into any room, and you’ll see any combination of dust, socks, toys, wrappers, and plain old dirt. We do our best, but in the bigger picture, a messy house has been easier to deal with than starving children, bad report cards, and unemployment. So, for the most part, we’ve learned to live with blinders and radar: blinders to ignore the visual ugliness and radar to avoid the Lego’s and action figures on the floor at night. We also tend to gravitate towards those those families who display a similar (or worse) level of house-keeping-ness. It makes us feel better about ourselves, and it feels great not be judged.
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There are certain times when we will devote a weekend to a proper housecleaning. You guessed it: birthday parties, holiday get-togethers, and any event that brings non-regulars. Other than that, family and close friends generate a basic scramble of wiping down the bathroom and sweeping the floor. You know, to give the semblance of clean. We like these visits to be in the evening, for obvious reasons. Mood lighting is the best at hiding both wrinkles and dirt alike. We have a local restaurant, The Old Spaghetti Factory, that does a great job with this tactic (have you ever see that place in broad daylight? All I can say is yuck.)
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I don’t want to mislead you; it’s not like we have rats climbing the curtains. The kids aren’t embarrassed to have friends over yet, and we can still see plenty of floor underneath all the toys. It’s just that no one would ever classify us as neat freaks.
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As lax as we are with all this stuff, I am still capable of being disgusted by the different ways “dirtiness” shows up in our home. Like the time we sold our house, and, on moving day, we removed the bunk beds to discover a wall of dried up, crusty, nose pickings (yes, boogers) along L’s bed. Aside from the sheer disgustingness of this discovery, we were completely floored that it was L’s nasty habit. Years later, P gleefully admitted that it was he who planted the evidence on L’s wall.
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Not nearly as stomach-turning, I still cringed when I noticed the latest overlooked dirty spot. By the looks of it, this must’ve been growing for months, unnoticed by us. I’m talking about the kitchenette bannister that overlooks our sunken living room. From where I sit at my computer in the living room (facing the kitchenette), I can look straight out and see the entire span of floor that makes up our kitchen. I don’t usually extend my gaze upwards at the banister, which is where my 5 year old likes to lean over to watch tv while he eats. And, um, use the banister as a tissue.
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Sigh. It’s these little discoveries that drive me nuts. For a moment, I stop to daydream about what life would be like if the kids would pick up their toys, put their dirty clothes in the hamper, wash their hands every time they were dirty, and empty the sand from their shoes in the trashcan, instead of on the floor. And then I remember that these kids of mine are so much fun precisely because they don’t do all these things. How would someone who is concerned with cleaning up after himself be capable of attempting a go-cart out of a coca-cola wall tin and a tennis ball hopper? Is the kid who keeps the sand out of the house the same one that dresses up like Zorro for 3 months straight? I doubt it.
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So with resigned acceptance, I get out the magic eraser and head over to the banister. But not without first dragging M over to show him what our house looks like with dirty hands all over it. He gazes at it with his big brown eyes and solemnly promises to do his best to wash his hands next time…with soap.
{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }
This was the first lesson I learned after having my little guy. Cleaning and housework will always be there, but the years we have with our kiddos go too fast. I will clean when my house is kid-less (a good 20 years).
Cassie recently posted..Gather Dust or be a Gift?
Totally agree! When my house is kid-less…sniff.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
exactly what I was thinking this weekend. I was “trying” to clean and my little guy wanted to build a wooden model kit. I almost said “Not right now” but pretty soon he won’t want to have anything to do with me, so I better take advantage of these moments now.
Catherine S recently posted..Tooth invaders
I always struggle with the clean house issue. I absolutely refuse to hire anyone to clean my house for me- with 3 kids I have much better things to spend my money on (like shoes, clothes, food, activity fees….) But that means I bust my butt cleaning my own house, and sometimes it’s not as clean as I would for it to be,or it is but it doesn’t stay that way for long. There are small hand print smudges on all the windows, sticky spots on my floors, crayon on some walls, the occasional cheese stick wrapper on the floor, and of course MOUNTAINS of laundry. I have had to let go of my neat freak mentality and let some things slide. And that’s ok. Because some day the hand prints will be gone, and I’ll long for the days of crayon marks on the walls.
Steph @ DairyFreeOmnivore recently posted..11 Things
Ugh, mountains of laundry. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And because the clothes are smaller, it gets more compacted in the basket, which translates into more loads by the time I get around to doing it!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
And the socks! I have 3 girls and my two oldest are close in age so the socks are close in size but not quite the same. I have baskets of socks with no friends, so at least once a week I have to sit and match up socks!
A clean home is the sign of a deranged mind. A messy home is the sign of a well adjusted happy mommy. ;-P
Catherine S recently posted..Tooth invaders
With a motto like this I think we could be great friends!
I might have a tshirt made with this logo. Or personalized bathroom towels.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I’m at the point where the dogs shed so much hair every day I think I could make a new dog out of the hair itself. I could use all the Lego pieces as the skeletal frame.
LOL I have a newfoundland and I feel your pain! I swear I could have 5 or 6 dopelgangers with all the shedding.
Dull women have immaculate houses!!
True that!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
Love this post. Glad to hear I’m not the only one. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just clean enough to get by. :)
I’m glad you liked it! I was having some pre-posting anxiety, lol.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I relate completely. Although i do not have boys, I have two little girls with a chocolate addiction. Oh yes, chocolate hands on every damn handle in the house, walls, toilet, closets, and mostly my clothes. The only time my house gets sanitized is when my in-laws come for a visit, which means the house MUST STAY sanitized for the whole visit… so I’m guaranteed a clean house for a full week! I enjoyed the article, thanks!
That’s funny you mention that, because I have the same feeling about that guaranteed week of clean when we have guests.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
This so feels like my own life. 3 boys (plus one girl), messy house…
I, too, go for that “semblance of clean” for most people coming over. Even with a nanny who works a couple of hours a day, we’re barely holding onto that. Well, I have to be be honest, the house is more “cluttered” with things like socks shoved under the couch and a floor that could use a sweeping than it is actually dirty. Luckily our friends dont judge (and we also enjoy having friends who have the same cleaning philosophy as us!) and our kids are happy. I deep clean when I can and remember that it wont ALWAYS be this way. Maybe one day my kids wont be such pigs and I’ll have more time to clean the house. Probably. I hope so.
What is it with the socks?!? Even my husband has a hard time picking his up…I found two on the fireplace MANTLE the other day. Sigh.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I love this post. I also have three boys and my house is a constant mess. A friend of my 7-year-old is over often and one time he commented, “Your house is always messy.” I wanted to punch him in the throat, but then I remembered he has a live-in nanny who presumably sweeps, does laundry, and cleans up boogers.
Michele J. recently posted..Blood Oranges & Kumquats
That is too funny. I remember when I was a kid, I noticed how much my friend’s bathroom smelled like pee. She had all brothers. Now I know how!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I just noticed earlier today how gross the door to the cabinet under the sink is (we keep the trash can there) and also the side of the dishwasher (loading dirty dishes in, and little drips of milk/food/etc. land there). My house is generally very cluttered with toys. For every one I pick up, two more are dragged out. I cannot, however, abide dirt, food wrappers in any room other than the kitchen, dirty toilet rims (I have three boys, so that one’s a neverending battle, lol) or a dirty kitchen floor. I know people can get busy with after school activities, church, errands, etc., but if you get the family together every evening (or even every other evening) to pick up the bits of trash, spilled popcorn kernels, dirty socks, blah blah blah, your house doesn’t have to be so unkempt. Don’t get me wrong–I noticed a huge cobweb hanging from the living room ceiling just the other day, and something mysterious and brown smashed into my oldest son’s bedroom carpet. The cobweb is still there (vaulted ceiling, lol, so it just swings in the breeze for now) but I did clean the mysterious spot. A Lysol wipe and about 10 seconds of scrubbing took it out. Was I busy doing something else? Yes, of course. I was on my way out the door to take my youngest to preschool. Did I take a few seconds out of my day to clean it? Of course.
Thankfully, we have a rule of no food upstairs, so that helps! I think I also have a matching cobweb swinging in the breeze in our vaulted ceiling, lol.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I just did a whole webinar on how a beautiful house (beautiful to you) can affect the rest of your life. Having said that, i can still relate to this! :)
Christina Rodriguez | The Diva’s Home recently posted..How Decorating Your Home Can Change Your Life
I know what you mean! I FEEL better when the house looks great. And when it doesn’t…well…I sometimes get irritable. lol.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
This post, and the comments, comfort me. I am not alone. Thank you!
The comments comfort me too! I was hoping there would be others who felt the same way!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I needed to read this today. I try my hardest to work full-time and be a part-time single mom. My husband works away and comes home on the weekends. I have a three and one year old.
My biggest critic is my own mother. I dread her visits because she definitely knows how to make me feel inadequate.
Don’t feel inadequate. She’s probably just projecting onto you because of her own inadequacies. Least that’s that I tell myself to make me feel better. ;)
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all. No reason to feel guilty about a dirty house.
I’ll believe this someday.
Susan recently posted..The Most Interesting Mom on the Planet
You and me both.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
This is so comforting to read today. I just spent 3 hours cleaning the bathroom. The rest of the house is a disaster after having my 4 kids home for winter break. I struggle with wanting my house to be clean while keeping up with all of the other demands for my time and energy. I have tried many ways to get my kids to pick up after themselves but it sometimes seems hopeless. When I do clean, it brings me down to find it right back the way it was the next day. That said, my children are all happy and do very well in school so I must be doing something right. I’m glad to know there are others out there.
I have a real hard time not giving in and doing it myself. Because most of the time, if I have the kids help out, I spend just as much time riding them to go back and “do it the right way”. Sigh. These kids are so much work.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I love this and oh my god the boogers. lol
We can only do what we can do and if we are not living in the process then really what is the point?
Pam recently posted..100 Club Pick-Up – Just for Moms
lol, I’ve asked myself “what is the point” many times before…but usually in a desperate, half-crazed sort of way.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
OMG – I think I wrote this! Will someone please my husband that we are NOT the only people who live like this?!?!?!?!?!
Tara, I feel your pain!! My husband actually suggested I get tested for ADD because I can’t finish anything around the house. I am going to print out this post for him ;)
Michele J. recently posted..Blood Oranges & Kumquats
Ok, I could have written that post too. My husband gets soooo mad at me because I NEVER finish anything! In already feeling so much better, I actually have a smile on my face! THANK YOU :-)
You’re definitely not the only people who live like this. Drop in on someone unannounced, and that’s how you’ll find that out!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
Thank you for this post, I really needed to read this today. I have been getting lost in the whole organization thing, feeling that it was time to get my house organized and be able to find things when we need them. Prior to this my house was a mess, toys everywhere. We would always be stepping on toys but my kids were happy. Don’t get me wrong things got picked up at the end of the night when they were asleep. I will still like my house to be organized but not at the expense of passing over my obsession of an organized house to my kids. I want to be able to enjoy them and not spent time organizing when it can be spent with them. Letting go of my OCD of having an organized, clean and clutter free house has been my biggest battle since I became a mom.
Shirley recently posted..{29 Day Organizational Challenge} Kids Playroom Update #3
I just took a look at your playroom update, and you are totally making up for any dust bunnies in other ways. What a cool project!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
Thank you, have been working hard on updating and making our play room functional
Shirley recently posted..{29 Day Organizational Challenge} Kids Playroom Update #3
LOL I loved this! My four are all grown up now but oh how I remember the days of picking up the same 12 items every single night (and NEVER making any progress!) I too thought once I had an empty nest it would be a clean, neat and organized nest – HA! my lil dog makes almost as much mess as my children did – kibbles on the floor, puppy toys all over the house, furniture out of place from him taking flying leaps onto it, doggie nose prints on the window panes – fridge door etc! :c ) but just like our children the joy far outweighs mess. i figure God isn’t going to ask me how tidy my house was :c )
You know,I have a feeling that as the kids get older (and neater), I will probably find other ways to avoid cleaning. But I’m hoping by then, we’ll be independently wealthy!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
Great post! Just blogged about my own messy house on Friday…and yes it is still messy!!!!
tammy recently posted..Sorry I Missed You
I just went over to your blog and loved it! Especially the part about dropping to the floor. I once did something similar, only it was hiding around the corner. I thought I had waited long enough, so I peeked the side of my face around, only to meet eyes with the person staring into the door window. Thankfully it was just my better half, who had locked himself out! Now I don’t peek. Ever.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
THANKS!!! I am a newbie so it is nice to get props from an old pro such as yourself :-) Cant forget to give Scary Mommy a shout out for turning me onto your awesome blog Tanya!!
tammy recently posted..Sorry I Missed You
My house is like this and so is my car.
My car is a disaster area too! Doesn’t the saying go , “a cluttered *whatever* is the sign of a neat mind”?? Lol!
Oh, the car is a slippery slope, isn’t it?
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
My home is affectionately lived in. I as recently as today considered cleaning it but life quickly got in the way in the form of a tea party. It’s nice to see other people live in their homes too. :)
alanna recently posted..Saira did a tarot reading for me and it looks like there are…
A tea party is the perfect reason to postpone house cleaning!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I guess dirtying the house beats what I got the other day. My daughter went in her room for her “alone/nap time” and came out with marker all over her face, belly, legs, feet, nails… And there’s still pencil on the wall from the previous week’s nap time.
Suzanne Appel recently posted..President’s Day 2012: Who’s Your Fav?
Well it’s good that she’s learning to limit her art to her own body and not the good furniture! I hope you took pictures.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
my youngest went through a stage of drawing on herself. tolerable until the day she got a black permanent marker and tattooed her entire face. a long fortnight of hostile viewings everywhere i went.
Great blog! I’m glad I am in good company. So long as my house does not smell like animals, is hoarder dirty or no vermin or insects are crawling about, I am personally okay with the dirty dishes, dust and baby clutter among other messes. Only when company is set to come over, or I get some strange energy, is when all looks on point. I am not a fan of the “pop in” visit so I am adamant about a heads up. I can scramble and hide messes under beds, in the shower and on the oven though. Fake it till you make it.
I’ve never actually hidden stuff in the shower…but I have prayed no one opens the shower curtain to reveal the incredible ring lurking in there. So I guess that counts as hiding a mess in the shower!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
Three boys and two dogs (and one husband). The pee on the toilet seat and the dog hair on the floor are constant battles. I should own stock in Clorox for the number of wipes I go through in a week. And I’m trying to find a way to incorporate the vacuum into my home decor so I don’t have to shove it in the closet and pull it back out at least once a day. Ideas? It’s the hose and attachments for a central vac. I’m thinking of painting it green and making it look like a giant fern or other houseplant. None of my houseplants actually live, so the fact that it would look plastic would be better:)
Clorox wipes. I love those things. When I had my first baby, my mom came over to help and she did a quick clean of the bathroom with baby wipes. I remember thinking to myself “clean the bathroom properly after mom leaves”. And now, 3 kids into it, I realize she was just inducting me into the club.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
Three boys and two dogs (and one husband). The pee on the toilet seat and the dog hair on the floor are constant battles. I should own stock in Clorox for the number of wipes I go through in a week. And I’m trying to find a way to incorporate the vacuum into my home decor so I don’t have to shove it in the closet and pull it back out at least once a day. Ideas? It’s the hose and attachments for a central vac. I’m thinking of painting it green and making it look like a giant fern or other houseplant. None of my houseplants actually live, so the fact that it would look plastic would be better:)
most of my friends treasure me most for my ability to be the horrible warning to their good example, and i try to be comfortable with that. i couldn’t manage a tidy tiny flat when i was all on my own, let alone husband, 4 kids and many, many pets. only one person comes to our house without warning and prep, and she is an absolute doll, tolerance personified.
but my kids and i laugh, a lot. too much some people think. i think they are crazy.
In hindsight, doesn’t a tiny flat seem like a piece of cake? Too much laughing? I’ve been accused of too LOUD laughing, lol.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I can generally manage a lived in clean house. When my family is gone for long enough I can manage a southern living house everywhere except my sewing room.
When the girls were young I felt lucky to accomplish not stepping on legos and polly pocket.
Sweety Darlin recently posted..OMG Like EWWWW !!!! (says valley girl)
Ouch…I bet Polly Pockets hurt pretty good on bare feet too. I’ve started training my boys to clear a path from the doorway to their bed every night. That way, if if I stay on the path, I’m pretty safe!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
if if??? my fingers stuttered, lol.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
This resonates w/me because we are also the filthy family (wait, you didn’t say you were filthy, sorry). But for us, I don’t even want family coming over, especially unexpectedly. I’m going to give you an example of just how bad our house is (still no rats climbing curtains or bugs in the fridge). We need to go to a school meeting tonight. My MIL offered to come to our house since we may be out past their bedtime. This cannot happen. There is not enough time to push shit into the closet. If I were a friend to myself, I’d get me some help.
Arnebya recently posted..Review: Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax
Filthy? Yes, at times, we are. But I blame that totally on my husband, lol. He’s the filthy one.
And if someone is going to come over unannounced, serves them right. Let them see the house in all it’s glory. Especially the bathrooms.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
filthy would definitely describe my house some days. my boast that noone is yet to die of food poisoning or bubonic plague in my house. you have to cling to the small triumphs.
my mother died many years ago. before that one of the big dramas was her visiting. the one time i let her in spontaneously- because she dropped me home and my front door was open- eek. what did she do the next day, after offering to keep my spare key, in case of future security scares (yes i was that dumb, d’oh)- she went over cleaned my house, and bitched me over regularly for several years about it, including my gall in having condoms! i should have faced down any housebreaker myself, less painful.
Thank goodness we don’t live close enough to family for surprise visits. That’s one of the reasons we bought a house 20 miles away…close enough to see them, far enough to avoid them. :)
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I always say to my husband…. do you remember when our house used to be “nice”… you know before we had kids” sigh.
I can think of various body parts I could substitute for “our house”, and the saying would still apply!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I love you all! My sisters! :)
Sisters from other misters! lol…
Tanya Doyle recently posted..When You Can’t Afford The Real Thing
I want to tell you in a million different ways how I completely agree with you. I feel the same way. Its not dirty dirty. But there are the little things. like who has time to clean baseboards and fans? Wash walls? The dust on the top of very hard to reach places.
Marta recently posted..Without Words
The dust on top of the CEILING FANS! Although swiffer has made that job a little easier, I still don’t have the time to do it. When Swiffer comes up with a full blown cleaning person that I can pull out of a box and attach to a handle, I’ll be set!
Tanya Doyle recently posted..Bust(ed)
I saw on pinterest the concept of dusting them with a pillow case and pulling all the dirt into the pillowcase. All I thought of is that just means more laundry and I would still probably get dust all over the floor. =)
Marta recently posted..Without Words
This does make me feel somewhat better. I haven’t been able to keep up lately (new baby), and MIGHT have said to my husband more than once, “You know, the living rooms IN THE MAGAZINES don’t have piles of papers everywhere.” And he might have quietly gone into another room and laughed at me.
Jadzia@Toddlerisms recently posted..Your Logic Is Impeccable, Young Sir
Awww new baby. Congrats! I have an ancient wall plaque hanging in the house that I found at a thrift store. It’s message is so sweet that I keep it despite it’s distinctly 60s imagery.
Dusting and Cleaning can wait till tomorrow
For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow
So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep
Tanya Doyle recently posted..Bust(ed)