A Mother’s Resume

A couple of years ago, I took some heat after being quoted in the New York Times for landing an impressive, full-time job without so much as a resume. My argument was that in the world of social media, your web presence serves as your always-current resume. How many hits your site gets, how many followers you have and what your engagement is says so much more about your work than any piece of paper ever could. The sentiment, though valid, wasn’t much appreciated by my employer who was suddenly inundated with countless “qualified” offers from moms wanting to work from home without a resume. (Whoops.)

It’s true, though. Bloggers don’t really need resumes and mommies sure as hell don’t.

But, my agent has been harassing me to set up a profile on LinkedIn, and I finally caved this week. Filling out the boxes reminded me exactly why I love what I do so much: I never have to pretend to be something I’m not, even on a resume. Looking at my profile, I’m struck by how I was preparing for motherhood even in high school.

And that? Makes for the best job I’ve ever had.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)


Sweety Darlin 4 years ago

I think I need to update mine now, as that seems like such better answers than the ones that are currently on there.

Terri 4 years ago

Love it! Resume writing sucks!

MangoChutney 4 years ago

The NERVE of some dumb people!!! Besides the one handed diaper changing, you’re qualified to the moon. Why can’t people just mind their business and be misrable alone?!! You shouldn’t post it, and let people think what they want;)

Meg 4 years ago

hahahahaha you shine all the time and pop off the page. Eh, one boring questioneir will ever define all of your sparkles, ridges, bumps, angles and Awesomeness!

Monica DeLaCruz 4 years ago

hysterical! my fav: mother of the year every year! that’s awesome! i’ve been that, too since 2001. ;o)

heather 4 years ago

you forgot profiler, expert in kinesiology, bad-ass first aid skills, exellent problem solving skills, and mind-reader (“honey, where’s that thing? you know, the thing?” “mommy, where’s my red shirt?” etc)

    Jackie Hennessey 4 years ago

    Totally agree, Heather!

Nina 4 years ago

Seriously, LOL on this entire thing, including the edit at the end. Love the “awards” and the co-sleeping. I can attest to that one. 😉

Jana @ The Jealousy Files 4 years ago

I think that is the greatest skill set of all time.

I’m glad to see that I still have Mother of the Year 2007 on lock. Because I believe that is the year my child ate dog food. From the dog’s bowl. In his crate.

Seriously Sassy Mama 4 years ago

That was hilarious. Makes me want to fill one out!

tricia 4 years ago

jill, love this. short but true. my little site is still growing, but it surprises me often at what doors it has opened. that cant be bad if it’s a hobby! and misspelling principal? haha! no worse than not punctuating or capitalizing. finger poking my ipad makes me crazy with autocrrect so i dont bother with grammar anymore! :)

Jadzia@Toddlerisms 4 years ago

I like yours MUCH better than mine! Yours sounds like the kind of resume that would land you a fun job. : ) Although I think if I “updated” mine similarly, my only real accomplishment would be something like “in 12 years of motherhood have never yelled myself COMPLETELY hoarse.”

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 4 years ago

Best LinkedIn profile ever!
Also, one handed diaper changing is a grosly underappreciated skill.

Rachel – A Southern Fairytale 4 years ago

Cute, Jill.

Jackie Hennessey 4 years ago

I’m about to pee my pants. This is the best resume I’ve seen! I can’t WAIT to re-post this on LinkedIn. I can picture you showing up late and taking three hour lunches. You should have been on a reality show back then. What I want to know is, how did you manage to make such a “Scary Mommy” impression even before you had kids? It’s like what you’re doing now was calling for you?

Lynn from For Love or Funny 4 years ago

LOL! That’s the BEST professional profile I’ve ever read!

Marinka 4 years ago

I didn’t know that the 2012 Mother of the Year has already been awarded!

the mama bird diaries 4 years ago

love this jill!

Keira 4 years ago

LOVE it!!!

Marta 4 years ago

LOL. I am pleased to be connected on linked in to the Mother of the Year 5 years in a row. :-)

Galit Breen 4 years ago

I adore you. That is all.

Holly at 300 Pounds Down 4 years ago

If all resumes were totally genuine this is no doubt how most of them would look! I LOVE IT!

Cindy H 4 years ago

I was floored to see you went to SHS (albeit many years after me). Read your blog all the time but didn’t realize we shared (blue) roots!

Jen 4 years ago

That is the most awesome resume/profile ever!

BloggerFather 4 years ago

Congratulations on your Mother of the Year award!

Now, I know I’m not your agent, but it might be helpful for you, resume-wise, to add that you (somewhat) know me, the 6-times recipient of the Father of the Year award (2007-2012). Considering I was a father for less than a month in 2007, that’s quite impressive.

Lauren 4 years ago

I love it! And I agree, isn’t the whole point in life to get to a point where you can do something that doesn’t require you to have to be something you’re not? That’s why I hated corporate America. But, I think that for some people that must actually be who they are. At least I hope so.

anymommy 4 years ago

You make me happy. But, I have to say, I may have Mother of the Year 2012 locked up. You saw what I did to my kid’s face in the name of Leprechaun fun.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    That may have been my favorite picture of the whole year. Has it come off? At all?

      anymommy 4 years ago

      It is … fading. But prospects for not having to explain on Monday morning are not good.

OHmommy 4 years ago


Anne 4 years ago

Best resume ever!!!!!!

Michelle Saunderson 4 years ago

I really hate resumes because it does not give the scope of who are person really is. I cannot be defined on one page.

liz 4 years ago

You have a BFA from WashU? That’s kind of impressive… seriously. The mother of the year awards are impressive, too… btw. :)

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    I have no idea how I managed to get in there. Seriously. It was nothing short of a miracle.

Regina 4 years ago

I love it! Mine is so hoity toity, like someone would look at it and say oh please we must have you. Yours would SO land you a job before mine! I might need to go play with mine a bit.

My minors in college were Communication and socialization…ya know, talking and partying. :)


lesa 4 years ago

I think I like yours more than mine. Linked In behooves me. I know I should use it. I am told to use it, and yet I let it collect dust because I like Twitter better :)

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    LinkedIn is actually better than I thought it would be. Google +, however, which I just joined is terrible.

Cassie 4 years ago

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we really could be ourselves all the time? Maybe we all wouldn’t feel so abnormal if we only knew how normal our thought are. I would answer almost every question the same if I were to tell the truth. It sure does make for good entertainment!

Recovering Supermom 4 years ago

Ha! Love it!

Carrie 4 years ago

That summary section?

I will totally use that in as many areas of my life as I can.

And I’ll be glad to see it fits perfectly. =)

Heather 4 years ago

I would love to put out a 100% honest resume. Hated School. Lasted 52 days in college. NOT a people person……

Amy at Best Baby Strollers 4 years ago

Now THAT’s fantastic!!

Amy 4 years ago

Funny… loved it!!!

Amanda 4 years ago

Hilarious! I got the mother of the year award in 2006 for teaching one of my twins to say ‘sone of a bitch’!

Jennifer Burden @World Moms Blog 4 years ago

I’d hire you!

Thanks for keeping us moms grounded. :)


Maria @ All Things Luxurious 4 years ago

LOL! This is awesome. You are fabulous!

Kimberly Hosey (Arizona Writer) 4 years ago

Did you know you spelled “principal” wrong? Figured I’d point it out again, just in case you hadn’t fulfilled your nitpicker’s quota for the day. (I’m on your side too, nitpickers. Regional spelling bee champ here. Spelled n-e-r-d.)

Seriously, that is a brilliant resume.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    I do now. Such a fitting mistake.

Anna 4 years ago

oh, tysons corner! i’d forgotten all about that place ’till now. if i wanted to make an honest h.s. resume for me it would be “at tysons corner” thanks for the memory of 80s days at the mall!

Kristin 4 years ago

I took mine way too seriously. I prefer yours. You don’t mind if I just paste it over mine, right? Swampscott isn’t too far from where I went to high school…although you are a bit younger.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    Even more reason to snag it, then.

Stephanie 4 years ago

Oh, we’re supposed to write what we REALLY did?? I need to do some serious revising then.

jen 4 years ago

Love the college description!!! Co-ed everything & of course the Art Design job, as I too did the big wedding planning, at work!!!

Great job!

Laura Menard 4 years ago

Haha, was wondering if someone else would catch the principle/principal thing. I love the co-ed showerer part for college lol

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    My mother did, too. Of course.

christy 4 years ago

My husband and I just laughed out loud at your HS description. Freaking hilarious Jill. THIS is why you have a book deal – you freaking rule!

Stacy 4 years ago

You are genius. Period.

Tragic Sandwich 4 years ago

Love it.

Nikki 4 years ago

Hahaha!!! This is the best LinkedIn profile I’ve seen yet.

Lisa Leshne 4 years ago

Said agent gives you an A+!

Brittany Stewart 4 years ago

That’s possibly the best resume I’ve ever seen.
I always try to come off professional. Somehow you seem so much more qualified without even trying. I love it :)

Cat 4 years ago

Loved it !!! You are a howl. But the mommy in me has to point out the (intended or unintended) misspelled word .. Principle vs principal. Sorry .. Can’t help myself .. It’s the mommy and substitute teacher In me. : )

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    Unintended, but perfect. :)

Alison@Mama Wants This 4 years ago

You can’t possibly have won MOTY in 2011 because that’s mine. For my many infractions, er, I mean, amazing accomplishments. Such as introducing the toddler to French fries and the word ‘shit’.

    Chantelle 4 years ago

    I just literally LOL’d

      Betsee 4 years ago


        Kelly 4 years ago

        Me too!

Alecia @ Runner Mama 4 years ago

I definitely agree that your blog does a better job of showcasing your talents than your LinkedIn resume. :)

Mayor Gia 4 years ago

Hhahaha aww mother of the year! What an honor! I like your college student description. It’s right on.


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