Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
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Jennifer is a wife, mother and Advertising Consultant…trying to make life work on the Mama-rific Merry-Go-Round as she raises two angelic kids in the Humidity Capitol of the World. Hop on & strap in for a montage of Mama-rific moments…mommyhood, 80’s music, memories, money & men. She promises to make you laugh more than cry. Read more at jennyallywrites.blogspot.com.
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I have come to the realization that I am a Slacker Mom. By today’s standards, I do less for my children than what is considered average or normal, and I am OK with that. In fact, I might be more accurately described as old-fashioned, since my own mother did none of these things, either, and it was all good.
My general motto: Do as little as possible and necessary to get by, and that will be just fine. Good enough is good enough. Perfect ain’t gonna happen. Check back with me in about 30 years, and we’ll see how this worked out. But for now, I’m sticking to it. I don’t have the energy to do anything more.
Slacker Mom Inadequacy #1: playdates. I don’t like to do them in the first place, but if I do, it will consist of your kid getting dropped off over here to play with my kid, whatever game/idea/non-harmful activity they dare to dream up, within reason, of course. Nothing extravagant.
I am constantly dumbfounded by the effort some moms put out for a Tuesday afternoon playdate. My kid has been to highly orchestrated playdates that would rival any privileged kids’ summer camp brochure, complete with various craft & activity stations and buffet tables of heart-shaped sandwiches & fruit. All laid out for the little grabbing hands that want nothing more than store-bought cookies full of trans-fats. Why do we do this? Because they need activities! And snacks, snacks, lots of healthy snacks!
When I was a kid and had a friend over to play, my mom turned us out in the back yard and threw out a couple of Twinkies when we complained of hunger pains. There were no planned activities involving bedazzling t-shirts or creating purses from pink leopard-print duct tape. There were no fruit trays full of pesticide-free produce and bags of gluten-free organic rice puffs.
In fact, I don’t even remember any of the moms watching us play on the swing set. They didn’t hover over us, anticipating every misstep we might make and catching our fall. Intervening in every little disagreement, ad nauseum. Of course, that’s probably because they kept us in playpens until we were old enough to go to school. This was the 70s, you know. And when I say school, I mean real school, not “school” for 2-yr olds. Heck, they didn’t even have Pre-K back then. We weren’t forced to perform “1-minute math” at age 6, and we all turned out OK, right??
Slacker Mom Inadequacy #2: kids’ birthday parties… I HATE THEM. There, I said it. I feel so much better now. Every year, I start out vowing to scale it back, invite fewer kids, tone it down. And every time, I still end up spending more than I spend on myself in a year, and my kid walks away with an SUV-load of gifts, which to me, is the worst part of it all. What happened to the days of a few friends, homemade cake and “Pin the Tail on the Donkey”? And the sad thing is that most moms I talk to completely agree, yet none of us can seem to stop doing it.
Planning a kid’s birthday party in today’s day and age is practically on par with staging a White House State Dinner. The guest list is culled and mulled over for days and weeks prior to invitations being issued. Should we invite this girl, but not that one? How do we stick to our limited number of invites without offending anyone? Is Muffy’s mom going to give me the cold shoulder if we don’t invite Muffy, even though Muffy & my kid are not really even friends? Pure insanity.
Slacker Mom Inadequacy #3: not volunteering for school crap. And last, but not least, earning me the Grand Slacker Mom award, the annoying category of over-the-top school helper/volunteer moms, for which I will likely never qualify. You know, the moms who are up there for EVERYTHING and make those of us who only show up for required events look bad. Heck, I pay lots of good money for my kid to go to that school, and I am NOT going to hang around up there begging to chaperone field trips and shelve books in the library. The school day is my only time to NOT hear my kid whining and complaining…why the hell would I subject myself to hearing other people’s kids doing these things??
I could go on and on about all my Slacker Mom qualities, but I think I’ve hit the big ones for you. So, for any other mommy out there who sees herself in these statements, just know you are not alone. Wear the title of Slacker Mom with pride, and wear it well. The more of us who step forward and join forces, the greater chance we have of beating the Bedazzling, Over-Achieving, Annoying Butt-inski Moms back into their California Closets, where they belong.
{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }
I could not agree more!!!!
SLACKER MOM HERE!! As for school activities I always told their teachers, I really don’t like other people’s kids so if you want something I will buy and send it. Of course now they are in high school and I have only chaperoned two events, both for choir, and after both events the teachers asked me not to chaperone again. Apparently it is unacceptable to talk to disrespectful teenagers like they are the adults they think they are.
CHILD PLEASE, you curse at me and I will put you in your place. As a southern woman I bet I can even make you think you were complemented. Bless your heart!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..The 10 (12) Things Lists
Seconded!!! As a fellow Southern slacker mom, I agree completely!
Oh I hate kids birthday parties – I even wrote a whole blog post about it. Blech. I refuse to feel guilty for a) not throwing my kid parties and b) not attending any.
Slacker, much?
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..A Wordless Post As The Keyboard Is Skrewed
I hate kids birthday parties too. Ugh. We do something special for my son’s birthday every year, but it can only involve as many friends as can fit in one car. I feel incredibly guilty that I haven’t rented out the communty pool, the roller rink, or five lanes at the bowling alley, but I just can’t take that much commotion!
Aimee recently posted..I am introvert, hear me ROAR!
You are my hero! While I enjoy my kids and their accomplishments, I don’t feel obligated to sign up for or join every committee, group,or organization associated with their activities. I’ll send in a snack or craft item if you need it, but that’s it. My kids still love me, too, by the way!
My counselor told me I should google the “Good Enough Parenting” movement. It was a relief!
Fancy kid’s parties are clearly intended to impress other adults. And why are there so many other adults there, anyhow?
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..We Don’t Want to Be THAT Family
I love you! Can we be friends? I can one-up you, though! I don’t even do playdates! I throw my kids outside and they wander around until they find someone or something to play with. Then again, I’m a Girl Scout leader. Does that disqualify me?
Definitely a slacker Mom here! Thought you might like this too: http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Slacker-Mom-Muffy-Mead-Ferro/dp/B0006SHMKW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330012271&sr=1-1
OMG, cannot wait to read that book!! Thanks for sharing!
Slacker Moms rejoice!! I proudly wear my slacker mom shirt. I SO feel you on the party thing. My son turns 2 next month and I decided long ago that we’re not having a party for him. Um, he doesn’t even know it’s his birthday. Plus? The kid hates, I mean HATES cake. (Honestly, I don’t know how he’s my son. I could live off cake and coffee. But I don’t. Mostly.) I told my MIL that we’re not having a party, just taking to lunch and the zoo since he adores animals. She looked at me as though I’d said I recently started smoking meth or something. “How can you not celebrate his birthday EVE??” Yeah she practically said my name like a dirty word. Apparently I’m now a horrible failure of a mother because my 2 year old isn’t having a party. Meh. Like I said, I wear my slacker mom badge proudly.
Gaaaah I know, right?? I hate this!! I have year and a half old twins, and for their first birthday we did cake and stuff with family, and that was traumatic enough for my living room! Having 20 people over to watch babies struggle to open a present or two before they are bored and start to just bitch and whine… sure not MY idea of fun! Let’s all eat a cupcake, sing a song, and I promise, we’ll open your shit later. I’ll send you a picture of them playing with/wearing it in 6 months when they finally decide it’s what they want.
I volunteered and belonged to a mom club with my first kid–because I was a bored SAHM. I had nothing else to do. Now I’m a freelance writer with deadlines and interviews to do, so my youngest is left to fend for himself. At 4 he knows how to turn on the Wii, pull up Netflix and find a cartoon. If I could just train him how to make his own chocolate milk, I’d be set. My house is a wreck with all the train tracks he’s set up–because if he’s playing trains he’s not watching TV and that’s a good thing. We’ve also figured out the the house wi-fi reaches the sandbox, so we can all get some fresh air when it warms up (and mom can keep typing).
My 4 year old can also turn on the TV and get Netflix up and going on the roku…. LOVE IT. We are in the process of teaching him to make grilled cheese sandwiches (with an adult in the kitchen) but he stands at the stove and does all the actual cooking, I’ve even had him help with browning hamburger and scramble his own eggs, he’s pretty good. I keep iced tea in the fridge ina container with a spout so he can get his own water or tea anytime he wants. Need to figure out how to make it easy enough for him to make his chocolate milk…. HMMM…. :)
Just chocolate up a gallon of milk and show him where the paper towels are!
damn, i guess that makes me a slacker mom, too – i thought i was just being a good mom! who in their right mind organizes crap to do at a playdate? that’s crazy town…inviting a friend over for the little one to play with is how a good mom gets some alone, out from under my feet time. i just say no to birthday parties…my kids know they can go to one friend’s party a year and then that friend is the one invited to their party…which involves homemade cupcakes and another unorganized “playdate” – see how i worked that alone time back in there – it’s like a little birthday gift for me, hey i’m the one with the c-section scar. as for school crap…i literally have a doctor’s note relieving me of all school crap and the possible guilt that may come with my resounding “no” response. so, thanks for forming this slacker mom club – can we get a secret handshake?
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Guilty Guilt Guilty LOL!! I am definitely a Slacker Mom and proud of it :)
About birthday parties; “I HATE THEM. There, I said it. I feel so much better now. Every year, I start out vowing to scale it back, invite fewer kids, tone it down.” Love this! I totally agree and yet I can’t see to stop the insanity either!
I gave up on the PTA last year. And my son was in Kindergarten. But all the teacher has to do is send home a note that she needs something for the classroom (paper, tissues, etc) and it’s there.
Pam @ You Are Kidding Me! recently posted..Status Quo?
Playdate? Why would I want someones whining kid in my house? Bad enough I have mine! That’s what siblings are for. Organized activities only happen when I don’t have a million other things to do, and I only endure other kids parties if I’m friends with the family, or it’s family..:)
YES! I want a slacker mom t-shirt.
In addition to your list of three, I will add a fourth: my house is not a restaurant. My 8th grader is so used to my not cooking policy that he routinely asks “Are we scrounging?”
With a picky 1st grader and a husband who works a swing shift, it’s wasteful to spend hours in the kitchen fixing individual meals.
When I do cook, I freeze half of it in small containers for later quick meals. Otherwise, there’s always salad, fresh fruit and vegetables, lunch meat, and if none of that appeals, cereal. In Betty Cracker land, you can have it your way if you’re willing to do it yourself…
This is totally me!! We eat cereal, pizza bites, or anything microwavable at my house!!
I do cook meals (although after 15 years of marriage, I am just so TIRED of cooking….) My son has learned to cook small things because I’m not a short order cook for EVERY TIME he wants a snack (he’s a chow-hound, even though he’s skinny as a rail). He can now make eggs EVERY WAY (his omelettes are actually pretty darned good), grilled cheese, and last week he learned to make pancakes. I consider it the “teach a man to fish” approach…..
Aimee recently posted..I am introvert, hear me ROAR!
Playdate? Why would I want someones whining kid in my house? Bad enough I have mine! That’s what siblings are for. Organized activities only happen when I don’t have a million other things to do, and I only endure other kids parties if I’m friends with the family, or it’s family..:) As for volunteering at school functions, since my kids are special needs I take pity on the poor teachers and help at holiday parties, but the last one the Super PTA alien parents were already there even tho they had called me into help, then told me after I rushed to store to get what they needed, “o we don’t need that(cheap stuff), we bought our own”. Argh I was pissed!
I am right there with you, Slacker Mom on the playdates and birthday parties. I do differ on the school volunteerism. I go just about daily to my son’s school and help out wherever I can. Now, before you kick me out of the Slacker Mom club and back to my California closet, let me explain. It is for my OWN mental health I do this, not because I’m crazy about being at the school or around a bunch of other people’s children. I struggle with depression and if I’m not up, out and about with a purpose, my days can turn dark and unproductive very easily. Easy, free solution, totally center on me and my well being? Up with the boy and off to school. So, see I really am a Slacker Mom and proud of it!
Yay for you, Trisha! The difference with the school thing is that you have a purpose, and it makes you happy. You are not doing it out of obligation or to impress people. Keep on Slackin’! :)
Jennifer recently posted..Today I am a Scary Mommy!
My boys are only 1 and 3 so I haven’t gotten to the school thing yet since they are at home with me.
As far as play dates, I keep them simple and will continue to do so – me talking with the other mom and the kids either playing at the park or with their toys. I couldn’t imagine having to plan something more elaborate. I have things to do like blog…I mean laundry.
And I vow that this year we are just taking them somewhere (just us) instead of having a party which I hate planning. Thankfully their birthdays are a month apart.
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THANK YOU!!! I always feel alone in this due to the fact that I too send my kids to a school where I’m surrounded by SuperMoms.
I’m gonna extend that title out into the family.
Since I’m not doing any of that shit (even though I love my nieces more than life), I am absolutely a Slacker Aunt.
No doubt about that.
(Great to see you here, Jennifer! Yay for you!)
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I slack on all of these things and am fine with it. My son has a playdate at another kid’s house tomorrow and what I’m most worried about is if I have to stay there with him or can I go run some errands?
I don’t do big birthday parties and all my mom friends just can’t understand – they think I’m so mean. We have my best friend and her kids, the grandparents, and my sister’s family over and we eat homemade cake and then the kids play in our disaster of a playroom. My sister is instructed to get the kids shoes for their birthdays every year. For my son’s 5th birthday, we went to a pizza place with an indoor playground. He will most likely not get another “fancy” birthday party until he is 10. Milestone birthdays only, I say.
And as for volunteering at school – I used to be a preschool teacher and I hated it. Why would I help out at school if I’m not being paid to? My kids need to learn to listen to adults that aren’t me. I will send money or craft supplies or a carton of Goldfish crackers, but otherwise, you won’t see me there.
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Well, I have to amend my earlier statement on playdates. The kids had a great time at one today and I enjoyed talking to the mom…so I guess I just don’t like them when they’re at my house. :)
Stacey Wallace Benefiel recently posted..Guest post by Elle Strauss – adding a playlist to your e-book
The kind of gathering that you described is what my kids know to be parties. We call any get-together a party. That way they think we have parties for them every year, every holiday, practically every weekend. We’re such party animals.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
I am totally a slacker mom! Love my kids to the moon and back, but completely agree with everything you said here. Love this!
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I also hate birthday parties. I usually do “event” parties for my kids so I don’t have to do much planning – roller skating, swimming at a local pool, etc. It’s all I can do to bring the food and cake, let alone decorations, plan fancy crafts and games, and *gasp* goodie bags! Ahhh! Love this post, I’m right there with you.
I.LOVE.YOU!!!
proud to be a slacker mommy with happy, healthy kids who on most days love me as much as i love them! :)
can you bedazzle me a “slacker mom” shirt?
My kids are in public school as there is not a private school cheap enough or close enough for us. PTA is an integral part of the success of our school so I’m the one that guilts everyone that doesn’t participate. Birthday parties? My husband hates them because I always go overboard but I love throwing parties for any reason.
Couldn’t agree more!! The “over-achiever” moms are taking all the imagination and independence away from the kids……the “slacker” moms (like me) are preparing their kids for life!! (:
I’m an early childhood teacher, and it amazes me how complicated parents like to make things. Give a kid some blocks and a ball and he will be happy as a clam.
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I have to commento on the birthday parties. I hate kid birthday parties (I don’t particularly like grown up ones either — its just awkward and weird, I mean “yippee you got another year older” — really? ) I particularly the orchestrated kids parties with activities. My girls got 1 big one at 5 (when they were finally old enough to recognize: a) its their birthday and b) the kids who come.) and they won’t get another until they are 10 — only do they feel “semi normal” amidst their group of friends with over achieving birthday moms. In between they can invite one or two friends for a special activity: lunch out, paint pottery, etc. and I NEVER EVER do adult invited kids parties. God – what a bore. I have no interested in hosting them and I HATE going to them. Really? The last thing I want to do on a weekend after working all week is spend my time is struggling to chat with other adults while MORE screaming kids are running around. I’d prefer to stick a fork in my eye, thanks. I’d rather connect and spend time with my grown up friends while all our kids are with a sitter — just saying.
I soooooo agree. Nowadays, I am a Granny, but I swear my daughter, daughter in law and the entire generation of Mommies now seem determined to show us up! My children had birthdays 3 weeks apart. Their whole lives they shared a party. Is this payback for that? Daughter in law? PTO PRESIDENT. You think you are a slacker mom? I have to wonder what my kids thought of their upbringing.
Slacker mom here, too. :) I hate hate HATE the clique-y group of volunteering-for-everything moms. I’ll go do something *occasionally* at my kids’ school (I have a two year old, and without fail, the field trip, PTA fund raiser stuff, etc. always falls during his naptime.) The few times I’ve gone to help, the same group of moms is always there, chit chatting, gossiping, talking about going out to dinner on double dates, blah blah blah. It’s almost nauseating. And they can be extremely snobbish. As for the b’day parties, we threw a huge one for our 7 year old son last year, and I vowed never to do it again. I just take them to their classmates’ birthday parties when we get an invite, and that’s good enough for my kids, lol
I know EXACTLY that you’re talking about. I work an 8-5 day, which is not very conducive to breaking into that crowd. You think they know the vibe they give off? ha…
Tanya Doyle recently posted..A Kindergartener With Issues
SIiigh, I cannot join this club.
I love doing my kids birthdays. Usually 3 events per – the family party, the friends party and for a few years cupcakes for the classroom( until they got to upper elementary 4-6 and the teachers called a halt to this for all parents)
When I was a SAHM, I got totally involved in the school – I needed some adult interaction. Loved planning things.
Playdates, I am more of a “I’ll drink coffee while you guys play with the thousand toys you have” ohh and I’ll throw some cheese and crackers and juice at you in awhile. I was never good at the – get on the floor and play with you stuff – that’s why I bought you toys. I’ll just read while you play,ok?
I was however the sleepover mom for a while. I was the only mom willing to have 8 preteen/teenage girls in my basement almost every weekend. I loved being the place where the kids would come. But I lost that once we moved to a house with a smaller basement :(
So I can’t join the slacker mom club. But its my own fault as I love doing things for people I love, I just can’t seem to help myself! Even my SO says I need to do more for me and less for the kids amd him – just not my nature I guess
You sound like a wonderful mother. the type of mother everyone would want. You should be happy to not fit into the “slacker moms” category. seems like its for lazy a$$ moms anyway, so im happy i dont fit in either :)
Haha! Love it. I feel so much better. I was cursing myself last night because I was cleaning the house for a playdate today! The thing I love about playdates: the kids are out of my hair for a few hours! I actually get stuff done (like read a book, clean out the DVR) when my 2 have playdates.
I am EXACTLY the same way, only I refuse to do kids birthday parties. The family one is plenty. Kids are being OVER PARENTED these days. Whatever happened to kids just being kids? And yeah, you’re right. We all turned out just fine without all the bullshit bells and whistles.
I couldn’t agree more! I don’t do playdates (unless it involves one of my kids GOING somewhere else – I never invite). We decided to simplify birthday parties this year: NO presents from guests (which will result in no goodie bags for guests either) and whoever comes gets to play out in the back yard for 2 hours. That’s it. And volunteering for school? Somehow my full-time job doesn’t really leave me any TIME for that. So, I’m 3 for 3. And proud of it.
I think us “Slacker Moms” are actually the NORMAL moms. All the other mothers who do all the things we don’t are Over-achiever moms! So I feel no shame…
I agree – to a point. I definitely fall into the three categories above, but I don’t think of myself as a slacker at all. Given the amount of running around I’m doing just to keep up with the demands of motherhood, I’d categorize it as being a “Good Enough” mom. We’re not slacking if we’re doing all these things for our kids… we’re just not overdoing it. Who has the energy to jump through all those crazy hoops? And what does it really give our kids besides a sense of entitlement and inflated egos?
Anyway – right there with ya, but I don’t think we’re slackers at all. :)
Sarah recently posted..Why Moms are so freaking stupid
I should add that I *tried* to volunteer at my kids’ daycare once (even though I WOH), but was rejected. I guess I’m not part of the cool volunteer moms club! Oh well…
Sarah recently posted..Why Moms are so freaking stupid
As a former teacher, I must say I loved the “Slacker Moms”. They were the best. They were the ones you could see yourself hanging out with on a Saturday night while drinking a few adult beverages. They were the ones who let their kids do things on their own- you knew the project was done by the child, not Mom, Dad or a Fortune 500 Marketing company. If I had kids, I’d be a slacker mom.
As the Slacker Mom of a teenager let me assure all my fellow “good enough” parents, you WILL have the last laugh come the high school years (& beyond). Yours will be the young adult who WANTS & HAS a job because they have not been taught that the sole purpose of thier life is to be self- indulgent “royalty”. They will appreciate being self-sufficient!
They will handle heavy course loads, full schedules, and teachers who may not be thier “favorite” because Mommy didn’t hover over them in every classroom, every field trip, & every event. They will appreciate independence!
And when their peers feel like failures because they can’t live up to the impossible expectations of perfection that have been forced upon them by parents are hell bent on making sure their offspring reflects their exemplary parenting, they will appreciate you! Because just your love was “good enough”.
Slacker Moms unite.
yeah, okay….impossible expectations? what might those be? attending another child’s birthday party?! LOL And because your weren’t there for your child’s class trip, their peers shall feel like failures?!!! and you think because you neglected your child and didnt send them on playdates is going to have a significance on their collegiate years?! haha. GO BACK TO COLLEGE YOURSELF. you loser parent.
Thank you! I don’t feel so guilty now. I have a title now, “I am a Slacker Mom.”
OMG I have never agreed with something more!!! Its like you took the thoughts straight out of my mouth so all I have to say is AMEN TO THIS!!!
I have 7 year old boy/girl twins. I did the birthday party thing for the first few years for my twins but it was more for the grandparents than the kids. This year they invited two friends over. They watched a movie and then ran circles around our basement>
I do volunteer at their school two mornings a week but that is only to help their teachers because I know how much work they take home daily. I usually sit in a corner somewhere prepping craft crap, making copies or correcting papers. I try to avoid all interaction with the kids because that is why I sent them to school instead of homeschooling.
I’m with you, I think most parents are totally nutso these days. We do have lots of weekend play dates, even at age 13, but there is nothing orchestrated about them. A couple of video games, a bucket of Nerf guns and a frozen pizza will guarantee me a whole boy-free afternoon of blogging or crafting. And if I can shoo them off to the dollar movie or the arcade, I might even get a nap out of it. That’s a winning combo in my book! I honestly think the pioneer women would be laughing themselves sick if they could see how we’ve turned out!
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I really dislike overblown kid parties…… I don’t understand spending $300-$400 on a 5 year old. What will they want by the time they are 16???!!! We have always had a party at the house, with pizza and a homemade cake. Party games as simple as Pin-the-Tail on the Donkey or even just a movie. We’ve had sleepovers, and had waffles and ice cream for breakfast!!! I think those were some of the best times, and my kids have never asked for or wanted anything bigger. They are happy keeping it simple.
Slacker Mom~ Could NOT have said it better myself!!! You did, however, forget one VERY IMPORTANT item… SLEEPOVERS! Personally, I would endure the hell that is the list you provided if I NEVER had to host another SLEEPOVER EVER EVER AGAIN!
Sleepover…that’s a dirty word in my book! ;)
oh no, I am a slacker mom on those three counts and never thought about it.
I only volunteer for what I enjoy doing. And that list about painting the teachers bathrooms is just now hitting my trash can.
hah
Pam recently posted..Free Printable Daily Agenda with Doodle Spot and Daily Meal Plan
I am totally a slacker mom. Can totally relate to all of this.
We went to a party a couple months ago for a 12 year old where they rented a video game trailer and had pizza and finger foods. There were like 10 kids and, yea, they had a blast. For my son’s 10th last week he invited 3 friends (one showed up) and we rented 2 video games and ate walmart pizza, and they still had a blast. Their party, $400. Ours, $50.
Don’t regret it in the least.
#1What is a playdate?
#2 Children’s birthday parties MUST have booze for the parents or we don’t attend.
3# Don’t those women have jobs? I gotta go to work.
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I refer to this attitude as “benign neglect” and I think its good for me/my sanity and my daughter and her maturity and independence.
Hot dang! I’m not alone!!
OMG – you are sooooo funny!
Ok, so I may have a lot to say with this one! You are NOT a slacker mom, you are a realistic mom who lets your child learn and play without an audience. Our kids need to learn that even though we love them, they really are not the center of the universe. Imagination is something that our kiddos are loosing thanks to the over-planned play dates and rule-filled recesses. As for volunteering at school, I’m a mom and a teacher. Spread the word! It is just as much work for us teachers for parents to volunteer their time, as it would be if they didn’t! I appreciate the support that parents want to give, but I also need to be able to do my job, and sometimes/some parents are more work than I want. You are a great mommy who is teaching independence and fighting unrealistic world views. My hero!!
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Slacker Moms unite! The birthday party thing is my biggest pet peeve ever – I am not going to spend a thousand dollars to some place to host a party that the kids won’t even remember. His bday is in August. My lawn is just fine!
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Well, I’m a slacker mom then too. I only do “playdates” with my friends so it’s really just a chance for us to catch up while the kids run around playing. We drink coffee, throw some peanut butter sandwiches at the kids when they’re hungry and continue chatting.
And, I too hate, I mean LOATHE kids birthday parties. I hate going to other kids parties. Don’t get me started on Chuck E Cheese. My twins are about to turn 2 so I’ve only hosted one birthday party, but I am committed to being “that mom” who gets talked about by other moms because I only make homemade cupcakes and plan a few games, maybe set up an art table outside for painting, etc. I’m not spending a ton of money on a birthday party for kids. I know we’ll get talked about by some people, but I don’t care.
Slacker moms unite!!
One, two and three…, you hit the nail on the head for me. I never gave a birthday party and the only one I ever went to was for me on my eighth birthday. It was all adults and in the evening and there was home made ice cream with wild strawberries and golden cake. The adults had music and sandwiches and they danced and I danced with them. I can’t imagine partying with kids my own age, lol. My son never asked for one so I was happy about it.
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I’m the obligatory PTA mom. How I got wrangled into this, I’m *still* not sure. ::blinks::
As for the rest… I’m a slacker mom. I.Don’t.Playdate. Period. Your kid’s welcome to come here, and take a ride around the merry-go-round, but I’m not hosting something where I have to bedazzle ANYTHING. At all. And no, you may not surprise-sleepover me. No. Not happening. Your kid has a two-hour welcome period. Then his ass is going home.
Birthday parties? Please, give me a root canal instead. Twice.
WOW. what a bunch of slackers, don’t remember how I stumbled upon this, but WOW, some of these comments are insane!! No birthday parties for your children?! No volunteering for school “shit”? Geeez SO glad you werent my parents. Are your broke, or just plain old lazy? PLEASE dont get me wrong…The blogger’s original post, I can understand, and possibly even relate to. I thought it was cute and amusing to read. Some of you other holes are just nuts. REMEMBER there is a difference between “slacker mom” and “lazy/selfish mom”. You did decide to birth these children, didn’t you? The least you can do is give your child at the least a small birthday party, or bake a damn cake for a bake sale. WTF
I am totally with you. I hover somewhere above complete slacker but definitely never have things planned for playdates and never ever will bake anything for any reason for any school function. I do, however, do many, many things for my children–as I suspect most of these moms do. I love that we can expand the definition of good mothering beyond the quality and quantity of 4 yr olds at your kids’ birthday party. (I HATE giving birthday parties by the way. Hate. I do love that most of my peers serve wine at their kids’ parties. They rock.) Cheers.
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hey I raised my son during the late 70′s and 80′s, I didn’t have fancy parties, overdo it on the snacks, or hover over him to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. I allowed him to be a boy, to explore and learn. Today he is a 32 year old male nurse who provides respite care for children with cerebal palsy. I am so proud of him. So hang in there young moms, don’t spoil your children that is the worst mistake you can make, because as they get older they grow and become tyrants that rule the house and all who reside there, making life miserable for everyone. Pick your battles with them and don’t nag over the small stuff. But don’t over indulge either.
Thank you!!!!!!
I’m a slacker mom too! Playdates only happen if children are running wild somewhere relatively safe and the other mommy and I are drinking some kind of adult beverage.
It amazes me how much I slack but other moms think I rock. Where? Where do they get that from? Must be b/c I’m not on meth, beating my kids, they’re clothed, and there’s no stripper pole in the living room when they drop them off. Other than that, I got nothin’. I am so fucking winning at life.
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I hear you on the birthday parties! My son turned 5 in January and what started as a simple party turned into a $400 event. I swear i’m not doing it again. I’ll be broke by the time they go to college. Another thing I refuse to do? Goodie bags! I hate them. Nothing but cheap things from the $ store that end up in the trash when we get home. As the kids were leaving the party, one litle girl said to me, Are there goodie bags? I just spent $400 for your butt to bounce all over this place for 1.5 hrs and eat pizza and cake and you want a freaking goodie bag?! OK I didn’t say that but that’s what I was thinking. And you know what? No parent has ever complained about it.
I was going to run for president of the Slacker Mom Club, but I didn’t care enough!
Wow, if we all feel this way, why do we torture ourselves? With 3 kids in school it is birthday party overload. I have finally freed myself from the guilt of not attending them all. When I can, I send a small gift to the child whose party me missed. As a mom who also work outside the home, I have the “I can’t attend every event” guilt but I am also freeing myself of that one. Most of us are doing the best we can for our children and they will turn out very well. If we keep causing ourselves great stress over the little things, we may not last long enough to see how well they turn out.
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I’ve cancelled 2 of the 3 scheduled Dude birthdays this year. I sorta like it that I can count on them getting in trouble near their birth dates because then I can have an excuse to cancel their parties. It’s impactful. And, what they never know is that they weren’t having one anyway! Sort of like when I tell them on a Tuesday that they can’t play their DS because of poor behavior, when in reality, they aren’t allowed to play on week nights anyway! I’m sure they’ll figure me out soon, but until then I’m winning!
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I think I qualify as a Slacker Mom myself. However, I don’t consider myself a slacker. I was a SAHM at one time, then a WAHM, now I’m back in the workforce as a teacher (which is what I did BEFORE my kids) bustin’ my ass every day taking care of not only my own kids but yours too. I do what I can do, but the kids don’t rule the roost around here. I don’t take them everywhere and enroll them in everything just because I can. Just because I have 15 minutes to spare doesn’t mean we’re going to sit down and play Candyland either. Now, I can certainly agree that there are some lazy SAHMs, to be sure. They make up every excuse in the book as to why they can’t get the house clean or cook dinner, lose weight or pull some weeds, and how life is soooo hard. Then there are the SAHMs that keep every second of their day planned to the second with playdates, mopping the floor for the fifth time that day, art festivals, Disney passes, baking personalized heart-shaped cookies for Valentine’s, 10k races, volunteering at the private preschool and their own appointments to get their nails done. Then there’s us – those working moms. I attempt to cook a few times a week, I go to a gym before I pick them up from school, I vacuum at least once a week, and sometimes I make them watch HGTV with me instead of Nickelodeon. If my kids are bathed, clothed, fed, getting good grades at school, have and actually do chores, hear the word ‘NO’ on a regular basis and learn to deal with it, still snuggle with me on the couch before bed, and are perfectly happy to amuse themselves for an hour on a Sunday morning so Mommy can sleep in…then I think I’m doing alright.
There are some ways I might be classified as a slacker mom (like when I tell my kids to watch go watch some tv so that I can blog in peace). But I make up for it in other ways. I teach art to the kindergarten class. I throw a good old fashioned “party” every other year for my boys. I enjoy doing these things for them. I love that my boys have happy memories of playing hot potato in the back yard and being serenaded by their classmates before blowing out the candles. I’m ok with slacking off in some areas, bc I pick up the slack in others. Which is pretty much what we all do, right?
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I’m a slacker mom, and proud of it.
I am not my children’s servant or playmate. I am their mom. I am not their unpaid entertainer, either.
My kids are teens now, and you know what? For the most part, they are smart, well adjusted, competent, capable almost adults. And if it had been my job to entertain them, fill up every second of every day, arrange playdates, do their homework, and generally wipe their rears for them, would they have turned out so independent?
I don’t think so.
Kids benefit from unstructured time. They benefit from NOT having fun. They need to know they can tank on a project, and Mom isn’t going to bail them out.
My two cents.
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Amen sister! I am the anti-Christ of moms I’m sure as I have never even thrown a “kids” birthday party for my now 5 year old son. His birthday is a week before Christmas and there are 30+ kids in his class.
I love this. It made my day.
ha! I love this post!! I will say that I volunteer at school for things that make the teachers’ lives easier… that means no family gym night or bingo night coordinating, but YES, teacher dinner during conferences.
Last fall I volunteered at the book fair during conferences, against my better judgment, but they said they were desperate. I was working with another mom who wouldn’t shut up, and finally confessed that her kids don’t go to our school any more. SHE STILL VOLUNTEERS EVERY DAY, even though her kids are in a different school! I was speechless.
Of course when you have a special needs child this all changes. You have to be a helicopter parent when your child is nonverbal!
Are you sure you didn’t co-opt my brain recently?? Cause this is me to a T!! I do not plan playdates & if they happen, it’s because my daughter & her friend(s) plan them. I loathe kiddie birthday parties-with the exception of the cake-and now that my daughter is 9, I try to encourage her to have a few girls sleep over so it’s not a total zoo. And volunteering at school? When the crap do I have time?? I’ll sell cookies & wrapping paper to every person in my office but I’m gonna have to skip handing out Popsicles to the kids on Friday cause I’m BUSY.
SING IT SISTER. I do plenty for my family every single day. However. I also tell them that Mommy is not a waitress, a butler, a maid, or a cruiseship social director. (Sadly, I do retain a position as an unpaid referee, but that’s par for the course when you have a lot of kids.) They see their friends at school every day and they play together or with the neighbors on the weekend, and they are on the whole pretty well behaved, responsible (for their ages), and independent kids.
Which I do not think they would be (speaking from looking at some of the kids in our extended family) if I hovered, swaddled them in bubble wrap, and maintained all of their friendships for them.
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