The 5 Most Awkward Moments as a Nursing Mother

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breastfeeding

1. Your boobs are center stage… and not in a good way. The first days and weeks after your baby is born,  you will find that the only thing you talk about more than poop is your breasts— and not in a sexy way. Cracked nipples, clogged ducts, engorgement and leakiness will become main topics of discussion. And while your partner may enjoy your new DDD bust size, your boobs will have never felt less sexy. In fact, between the midwife, the lactation consultant and your baby… everyone BUT your husband will be fondling you.

2. Your milk lets down at the most unfortunate times. In the early days of engorged, milk-filled boobs, I couldn’t even predict when my milk would let down and subsequently soak through my breast pads, bra and shirt. The most awkward times that come to mind are: in the middle of a graduate school class, during a job interview and while knocking boots with my husband.

3. You will end up having to nurse in front of someone you never thought would see your breasts. Even if you are totally comfortable nursing in public without a cover, there are those unexpected moments when you are caught boob-out and mortified. I was working on the weekend with my newborn at my empty office and my boss walked in during a nursing session. My daughter turned to look and milk sprayed all down my side. Other awkward instances for me have included male family members (brother, dad, grandpa) and skeevy strangers.

4. Your baby thinks your nipples are a toy. There will come a day when you baby will notice your nipples. They have always been aware of them, but their instincts kicked in and they just latched on and didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about what the vehicle for milk distribution actually was. When this day comes, your baby will be in the middle of nursing and pull away, furrow his brow and just stare. Then ever-so-slowly he will bring his hand up and (here’s the real awkward moment) he will tweak, pinch or flick your nipple, and then, just to add insult to injury, he’ll giggle. Because obviously you’ve realized by now that your nipples are hilarious, right?

5. Your baby becomes verbal and knows how to gain access. Eventually your baby will learn to say, and in my case sign, when he wants a drink. He will start demanding “milk” by yelling, signing with his hand (regretfully the sign for milk looks like you’re milking a cow udder) and burrowing his face in your cleavage. Beware of low-cut shirts, because you can count on your baby flashing the cashier at the supermarket when looking for a snack. Also, be sure to choose the word you use for nursing wisely, I’d much rather hear “milk” screamed in public than “boobies!”

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  1. 1

    D says

    This reminds me of the fun time I had nursing at a US embassy. I was applying for my son’s citizenship and was waiting for the consular officer to appear. In the meantime, he got hungry. So of course by the time we were called before the consular officer, he was still eating and she was insistent on verifying that our baby was the one in the photos that we gave to her. I had a blanket covering me and him and she finally made the connection and said, “Are you feeding him?” She was quite embarrassed. I de-latched him, showed him to her, re attached him, and officially swore that he was my son with my right hand in the air while my left arm still supported him. That’s right. My son became sworn in as an American while breastfeeding.

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  2. 27

    says

    Oh I’m gonna win this! Me, my six year old son, my 6 month old girl on a plane. I got assigned the middle seat. Asked the lady to please move so I could have the aisle seat so I could have more room to bf. she rolls eyes and moves. Me blowing up my breast friend nursing pillow while holding my baby on lap, trying to get my seatbelt buckled, finally nursing only to realize I’m showing side boob to all the people in aisle seating behind me. Oh fun!

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  3. 28

    says

    My toddler loved to , when being held, put his hand on my boob for comfort. It got so he did it so often, I didn’t even notice but strangers would. Sometimes they’d stare and clear their throat and kinda nervously gesture . I also recall pumping once on the side of the road by a car dealership I thought was closed….until I hear a knock on my window, “ma’am we open…oh…oh my…I’m sorry, umm” and I screamed out, ” I’m pumping leave me alone!”.

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  4. 30

    says

    Actually the very first time I breastfed at home after coming home from the hospital. My mother was there with me all through the delivery and everything, and she drove me and my daughter home from the hospital. She stayed for a while to make sure everything was ok, and this included her sitting on the other sofa watching when I breastfed. I thought it was very awkward, but didn’t have the heart to tell her as she was just being so googly-eyed over my daughter.

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  5. 31

    says

    Just home from the hospital and trying to breastfeed and our neighbor coming to the front door, which is all glass, and seeing me bare breasted. On top of it, I was having a hard time so we were all frustrated and I was in tears. She never came by unannounced again…

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  6. 32

    says

    I did the same as Jessica , but at a wedding! The lights in the bathroom were motion sensored and went out cos I was the only person in there, in my cubicle. So I was in there in the dark, with my dress hitched up round my neck and no clue where I was spraying! I did clean up after, lol xxx

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  7. 34

    says

    The time someone called security on me and the guard came in and said, “Sir! You in that stall!” because I was wearing Doc Maarten boots and someone reported the suspicious man in the ladies restroom making weird noises.

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  8. 36

    says

    I was nursing on my lunch- hubby had brought our son to me so we could see each other. I work at a hospital, it was the weekend, and I chose a discrete corner. A housekeeper walks up, whips the blanket down before I even had a chance to realize what she was doing. My husband got very upset and spoke to the supervisor, and I spent the next month being the outcast because I was mad she wanted to see my child. More like I didn’t feel like my chest being on display, but whatever.

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  9. 39

    says

    Once my milk starting flowing….oh how it flowed I could nurse on one side and fill up a red solo cup with the other side, that is until it regulated to my sons needs and of course the inevitable if my husband being sprayed once or twice

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  10. 41

    says

    My son would bite me so hard that my nipples would swell and no milk could come thru. I had severe mastitis 4 times because of it. Anyone that has had mastitis (I’m talking super infection…puking, boobs oozing thick yellow puss, the whole 9) knows that one time is bad enough. 4??

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