Brand new moms are the most prepared people on the planet. They think of everything and carry it all in a neat and tidy little diaper bag. Hand sanitizer? Check. Emergency change of clothes? Check. Snacks, toys, blankets? Yup. Mothers have it all. Except for me.
I was the mother who showed up for Lily’s first checkup without ever thinking to bring a diaper. You’d think the pediatrician would keep a size N diaper in stock for naive first time moms, wouldn’t you? But, no. My poor baby sat in her own poop for the whole appointment because it never dawned on me to actually bring a spare. And that was only the beginning. Forget about silly luxuries like wipe warmers and baby music, my kids survived, no, thrived, without the basics:
Bibs: I’m not sure why, probably pure laziness, but I can count on one hand the number of times my children donned protective gear while eating. And, they were not clean eaters. They just wore a lot of horribly stained clothes.
Changing Table: We owned a changing table with Lily, but I never used it. Instead, we changed diapers on the kitchen counter. I set up the diapers and wipes in a kitchen cabinet and slapped a towel on the perfectly tall counter. It was convenient and much easier than schlepping up the stairs every half hour. Who has the energy for that?
Diaper Pail: The Diaper Genie? What a crock! We registered for one, but the second I discovered that it required specially designed liners it was outta there. Who wants wrapped up shit sitting in a nursery, anyway? Whether you can smell it or not is besides the point- it’s nasty! A plastic wastebasket and whole bunch of plastic grocery bags did the trick perfectly, thank you very much.
Baby Bath: Why mess with a big plastic thing when you can just stick them in the sink? With my second two, I just lined the kitchen sink with a towel and plopped them right in. Clearly, I tried to climb the stairs as little as possible.
Bottle Warmers: We bottle fed the kids and simply never thought to warm the water for our poor winter babies. It was an extra step and middle of the night feedings were hard enough. It horrified both of our mothers, and in retrospect, I can see why.
Diaper Bag: Per-children, I once mistook a diaper bag for a laptop carrier. The changing pad made a nice little computer wrapper and all of the compartments were perfect for storing my pens and sunglasses. Once I had children, though, I simply bought
over-sized bags and threw all of my crap in them. Having a mom car was bad enough, I refused to sacrifice my choice in bags.
Burp Cloths: When I thought of it, I would occasionally grab a dishtowel and throw it over my shoulder, but most times I would simply walk around with a perma-stain on my shoulder.
I think it’s safe to say that all you really need is diapers, wipes, and a way to feed the baby and clothe the baby. Everything else is really unnecessary. Plus a whole lot of love, of course. And a strong gag reflex always helps.
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Well, you don’t need to register me either since I can NOT talk Gary into a baby no matter how hard I try. And believe you me, I TRY HARD! I just wanted to agree and say that so much for the junk they are toting now for babies is silly : ). Babies R Us is an insane place filled with so many items no mother really needs! It is crazy! : )
.-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..Kids Night Out =-.
I’m not planning on having any more babies but my sister is having her first baby in June! So I’ll enter for her. And great post, by the way. :)
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..The importance of unlearning =-.
Is it just me or is there more and more baby gear every year? Swaddling blankets and a sling were almost more important than diapers in my household. :)
.-= Momalom Jen´s last blog ..Happy Earth Day! =-.
Great post. It’s so funny thinking about these things the 2nd time around (my 2nd is due in 2 weeks). We have a changing table this time only because I got it for $10 and it has 2 storage shelves, and since we live in a 2 story house this time I wanted a place to keep diapers/blankets etc downstairs. There’s so much we realized we don’t need this time around, baby bathtub? A towel in the bathtub and only putting in an inch of water works just as well…
.-= Rachael´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: HAPPY! =-.
While my newborn days are over, my daughter is pregnant and that sleep nest is the coolest thing! As for the rest, bah. I have had four and none of them have been irreparably scarred by sleeping in a playpen insted of a crib and being changed on any flat surface handy. I nursed, so the Boppy pillow was MY must have-and after I was finished nursing we all used it for a pillow.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..Coming Out =-.
You know..some of those were total must haves. My kids were spitters..without the burp rags, I don’t know that I would have ever had a dry shirt!
And, the diaper genie with the diaper sausage it creates? Disgusting.
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..Sisters, sisters…PSF =-.
This made me lol! Reminds me a lot of myself, especially with the bibs. I feel so bad, but it is like I forget until I am already feeding her and then I am like ‘Well, she is already stained now and if I leave to get one mucho whining will ensue.’
ALSO, I got a diaper genie thinking it would cut down on the smell but it was just the opposite. To empty the thing out I would have to cover my mouth to keep from throwing up.
I tried throwing an air freshener in the bottom, sprinkling that carpet cleaner stuff in with every diaper, and even used a toilet bowl freshener, NOTHING worked! Urgh, I just use those bags for diapers and throw them outside at the end of every day.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Fast, Fun Tutu-orial =-.
I love going through people’s registries and laughing at all the stuff they think they “need.” What you NEED is someone to stock the hell out of your freezer, a lifetime supply of coffee, and a comfortable rocking chair! All the rest is just extra.
.-= Jenn of the Roof´s last blog ..Off =-.
I tell you what, if I had gotten half as many diapers as I did damn baby blankets I wouldn’t have had to buy a pack ’till my daughter was two. She’s 14 weeks old now and I have so many freaking baby blankets half of them are shoved away in my closet. Oy. Someone bought us 5 boxes of wipes and in my new mom pregnant know-it-allness I informed my husband that we wouldn’t have to buy wipes for a while, at least.
Yeah those 5 boxes maybe lasted a week and a half. The #1 item I recommend to my friends who are expecting is the BOPPY. I use it FOR EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING.
.-= Natalie @ Hope Springs Eternal´s last blog ..OH MY GOD I AM THE WINNER. =-.
Someone gave me a wipe warmer with my second baby. I sold it on Craigslist.
I would not sell the baby deedee, that’s hot. I kinda want to sleep in one. I would give this to my favorite friend who is expecting.
.-= Zak´s last blog ..Looking For A Snowstorm Cocktail? You’re Welcome. =-.
I, too, went to my daughter’s first pediatrician appointment without my diaper bag. Pretty silly seeing as how I spent MONTHS of my pregnancy searching for the perfect diaper bag and filled it up and rearranged all of its contents no less than 10 times before she was born.
I was so concerned about getting out of the house with clothes on and attempting to run a brush through my hair that it never even crossed my mind.
A sleep nest sounds like an awesome invention. Sorry you didn’t think of it first. I’d love to win it though! Thanks for “paying it forward”!
When my son was about 6 months old we went to a friends babyshower . He would projectile spit up everywhere so i would always have a back up shirt. So, after comming back from changing my shirt after one big bottle, i walked in on the new grandmother to be ( dads side ) saying to all of her friends ”What is WRONG with these new young mothers these days?? Hasn’t anyone ever told that girl what bibs are for?”.. yes because this young mother is going to keep a bib strapped around a 6 month old for the entire day, oh & because you know when they spit up it never lands anywhere but the bib right?.. i love your blog
I can’t remember a single time I used a burp cloth (although I received about two dozen at my baby shower), only just started using a bib during lunches out, and only used a diaper bag maybe for four months. It was too much of a pain in the butt so I just bought a big bag.
.-= Pua´s last blog ..Lunchtime ponderings =-.
We use a gazillion burp cloths a day, but not for burping – for drool! My daughter seems to have been teething since the beginning of time, and she has a constant stream of drool running down her chin. The muslin (burp cloth) is my life saver. Lol. For the rest, pretty much agree with you! The only other thing I bought and never used is a steriliser.
.-= Luschka´s last blog ..Kid Friendly Food – Jelly Pinwheels =-.
Oh how I do love this post. Im a Proud new mommy of a gorgeous two month baby boy named Kasen who I adore. But what I dont adore? Is all of the shit mothers these days think you need for a child. That 150 dollar diaper bag that my son threw up all over? Pointless. 50 $ wipe warmer? Fell off the dresser and the lid broke off. Piece of shit. Disposable changing pads, those stupid Dr. Browns bottles with all of the pieces you have to wash, a Plug in take along in the car bottle warmer, and the 280 baby monitor with the camera that has never even been opened because thanks to my mother Kasen is never in a room by himself, let alone his crib at night, Its all money wasting crap.
:) I am 23 weeks with our first and have been surfing the web for just such a list! Too funny! We live in the tiniest sardine can of a home and I am determined to keep our baby registery to the bare minimum. Everyone that asks me what I am needing is quite horrified when they ask me, “So what do you still need?” and I reply, “diapers and wipes”. They look at me like I have three horns and one eye. What can I say? I am the oldest of eight kids and we made do on the bare necessities and lots of love. And then I worked in a daycare and I have a fairly good idea of what qualifies as necessary and what falls in the money-draining categories. So thank you for assuring me that I am not an insane, stingy Momma.
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