Before motherhood, I wish someone had told me to:
1. Enjoy sleep.
Nap. It’s a luxury that becomes a necessity you never seem to have enough of. Buy nice sheets. Roll around in them. Spend a whole day in bed. The next time you do it, you’ll be comforting a feverish, puking child and that’s not nearly as enjoyable.
2. Appreciate your body now.
As flawed as it may be, after children it will be worse. Droopier, stretched out and mushy. Even your feet will be bigger. Get a pedicure and flaunt them.
3. Drive a fun car.
A convertible or a Beetle. Blast music that you love. Soon you’ll be driving a minivan and singling along to The Laurie Berkner Band. Even when you’re alone in the car.
4. Travel with your spouse.
Family vacations are wonderful, but not the same. And finding someone to watch three kids under five? Impossible.
5. Eat out at really nice places.
Indulge in a five course meal. Chew your food. Savor it. Soon you’ll be dining at chain restaurants scarfing down left over grilled cheese. If you’re lucky enough to get to a nice restaurant once you have kids, you’ll be paying the equivalent of an extra meal in babysitting fees. Linger.
6. Do things spur of the moment.
Jet off somewhere at the last minute, with nothing but the clothes on your back. Have an impromptu adventure. Once you have kids you’ll need to plan everything.
7. Call in sick to work and use the day for yourself.
Moms never get the day off, and you’ll make up for that sick day ten fold by caring for sick children when you are indeed yourself, sick.
8. Spend money on yourself.
Invest in some really great forever items, because once you have kids the trade off will not seem worth it. You’ll calculate the number of diapers you could buy for the cost of those designer sunglasses. Buy them now and wear them later.
9. Pee with the door shut.
It will be years before you get to do that again.
10. Under-appreciate your parents.
Roll your eyes at them. Question their actions and judgment. Tell them they don’t know everything. Once you have kids you’ll have a new-found appreciation for them, and discover that they know a lot more than you gave them credit for. Ignorance is bliss.
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{ 84 comments… read them below or add one }
Spot on!
I was just saying the other morning that I never truly appreciated my “pick and go” ability. Now, there are bags and more bags and those bags are filled with every possible thing to hoard off tantrums, feed the hungry, thirst the thirsty and cure the boredom that has come with me thinking that taking children shopping with me was a good idea. It NEVER is.
Futureblackmail’s last blog post..THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM
That list is so sad and so true!! The bad part is if someone would have given that to me before… I don’t know that I would’ve believed all of it. Now it’s all completely normal!
Tabitha Blue’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday… almost
Amen, Scary. Thanks for the reminders (too late for me, alas!).
I had so much fun enjoying your advice and creating my own that I’ve piggybacked on my own blog. Hope you enjoy!
Grendelskin’s last blog post.."Before I Was a Mom" list
That was great.
Love your list. It is very accurate!
I just learned of Maddie this morning. I will certainly keep her family in my prayers.
debbie’s last blog post..What do you do while you drive?
I was so sad to hear about Maddie this morning. My hear is breaking and I will keep her family in my prayers.
As for the list? Fabulous. And so bittersweet.
KathyB!’s last blog post..What do YOU have to say
I have done a pretty good job of appreaciating all of those luxuries in my pre-kids life. Except maybe the sleep one. I never slept in since I had so many important things to do on weekend mornings (??)
Great list.
And such terrible news about little Maddie. I only knew her parents through their writing – but her little face is etched in my heart today.
Kate Coveny Hood’s last blog post..I Love it When Plan Comes Together (Alternately Titled: The Babysitter Who Jumped Out the Window)
I wish someone had told me that I would have no time, really truly no time, to get things done. That I would feel strapped for that precious commodity every minute of my life after kids.
I would have sat and done nothing AND not complained that I was “bored”
iMommy’s last blog post..Guest Post: 10 Things "They" Don’t Tell you about Parenting
All very true–but it’s far too late for me! I will also add–see lots of “R” rated movies!
I’m so sad about Maddie–I feel like I’m walking around in a fog.
Jennifer’s last blog post..These Are My Little Friends…
Ha! Pee with the door closed. Ain’t that the truth? Sometimes when my husband is home I sneak in the bathroom and close the door JUST BECAUSE I CAN.
#9 and #10 are my favorites! I feel like I never get to pee alone – my little helper always wants to flush or unrolled the paper.
And we took seven years to do all the things you mentioned before starting our family. It was well worth it and we enjoyed each other’s company very much but we cannot believe how much we’ve enjoyed our little one – he is so much more fun! Well worth the price of peeing with an audience!
T Rex Mom’s last blog post..New Soccer Ball!!!
I’m not a parent, I don’t know if I ever will be, but the fact about buying good quality sheets? Oh hell yes. What a flipping difference it is having good sheets.
dawn’s last blog post..raspberry & lemon scones
Oh, what a great post, I think it is just perfect and bang on. I agree, totally. Peeing with the door shut! Now that’s something I have not done since before my 2 boys were born! ;)
Great blog! I love finding new amazing mom blogs. :) I will be back for sure!
Loukia’s last blog post..A Brand New Loulou!
So true!
Don’t forget the lovely “Having sex whenever/wherever you want” option! And I second the “Being able to get up and go in a few moments”.
Also, being able to wear a regular bra and not having to use nipple pads.
Mrs Soup’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Geeky Baby
All so very true. But don’t worry if you didn’t do it before you had kids. You’ll get the chance for all of it after they grow up and leave…well all but the “nice body” part hehehe
nikkicrumpet’s last blog post..~AND THE WINNERS ARE……….
You’re so right….Wish I’d known. But it seems to get better, the older they get, you just have new worries.
amy’s last blog post..Conversation with a 9 year old
I just want to say that not all of us give in and drive minivans!
Awesome advice! Great post.
Robin’s last blog post..Wordful Wednesday
Great post. We linked you up on our shared blog. I love these kinds of topics.
But I couldn’t visit the link. Sorry. I just can’t do sad today.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Before we were moms
I have a reverse list for you…now that my kids are all growing beards and alomost out of High School…
1. Kiss them, alot…soon the will cringe when you do.
2. Hold hands all the time, soon they will shove their hands in their pockets to avaid this.
3. Be happy when they crawl in your bed at the break of dawn, one day they will just stop comming
4. Let them in bed when they have a nightmare, soon they will be texting some girl about thier bad dream, not seeking your comfort
5. Enjoy it, soon you will have to dot on a dog that you pretend is a baby called Lulu, becasue NO ONE else is ever home, and then everyone just knows you’ve lost your mind…..
Former Fat Chick’s last blog post..150- Celebration = Q & A- Fat Chick Style
Kiss the color white goodbye for at least 15 years.
zelzee’s last blog post..The Apple Can Fall Far From The Tree
Great list. I agree with every single one. People told me all kinds of stuff before I was a mom but you know what? I never listened. I don’t think I was capable of listening. You know?
Lee of MWOB’s last blog post..Living by example
I think I did hear these things before, but, one can not fully appreciate anything until it happens to them.
I think I would say – Don’t say …”I would never……” concerning other parents —–> because you just don’t get it yet!
I whole heartedly agree with EVERY ONE of these!
can ya tell I mean it?? really mean it?
Here’s another one:
Ask for forgiveness not permission.
swirl girl’s last blog post..An Open Letter (s)
This is why I don’t have kids. yet. I enjoy being a DINK. (double income no kids)
So sad to hear about this precious child. No words can express.
Melissa’s last blog post..This is as random as it gets.
This is why I don’t have kids. yet. I enjoy being a DINK. (double income no kids)
So sad to hear about this precious child. No words can express.
How come they don’t put that stuff in the mommyhood books?
Jen, buried with children’s last blog post..Where’s Your Nose?
Love the list!! And completely agree. Probably wouldn’t have made a difference though…. all that becomes more special when you can’t have it. :) and has a LOT more meaning too.
“2. Appreciate your body now” SO true! i was just looking through old scrapbooks today and saw a picture of me a few years ago when i thought i was fat… honey i would pay a million bucks to have that body i didn’t want back again :-) GREAT list by the way. loved it!
Lizzie’s last blog post..American Idol… Top 8
I SOOO agree with this list!
If I could go back, I would just sit and enjoy a clean house that was clean all. day. long.
Oh, and getting to shampoo, condition, shave my legs AND armpits, all in one shower!
Caitlin’s last blog post..This Little Piggy Take 2
I agree!
I miss peeing alone.
Amber’s last blog post..The New Car
I hated my body before I was pregnant, talk about distorted body image. Now, I look at pictures and go “Damn”. What was I thinking? *sigh*
Queen Lindsay’s last blog post..Men’s Top Ten Turn-Offs
that you ACTUALLY would be so frustrated from time to time that you might feel like throwing yourself or your child out the window, and that you would still be a good person and wonderful mother, because everyone has bad days and everyone gets frustrated from time to time.
scrappysue’s last blog post..wordful wednesday – girls live here
To be honest (and a little embarassed) I proooobably would have liked Laurie Berkner before I had a kid. That lady can rock the buzz buzz.
These are so true, though… waller in the nice sheets and jet off to someplace where kids aren’t allowed…. Oh, and enjoy your husband, because after you have kids, you won’t like him anymore. Or is that just me?
Ryan Ashley Scott’s last blog post..Chick Chat
This is the best list EVER! I kept waiting for one of those things to not apply, but every single one did! Awesome!
Heather’s last blog post..Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey
Um, they should print this out and hand it out on the L&D floor of the hospital:)
brittany’s last blog post..Am sexy, y’all.
This is one of your best posts ever. ‘Course, I like sentimental shit like that.
Texan Mama’s last blog post..The Price of Communication
I love this post! I have been totally thinking about all this stuff lately and how I got here. :)
hee,hee,hee. I keep telling my sister this; she’s itching to have a baby;)
Ginger’s last blog post..New Season, New Character . . .
I wish someone had told me how much of a better person I would be, I would have done it sooner :)
Seriously sad about that little gem Maddie. I briefly looked at her story and she was beautiful.
Live.Love.Eat’s last blog post..Afternoon Delight
I miss spontanaeity sooo much since becoming a parent (oh, and the whole closing the bathroom door thing too!)
Gwyn’s last blog post..8 things….
First, I can’t comment on your part 2.. but I have been reading EVERY single blog entry about little Maddie and telling everyone that walks by (cause I am at work) and this little bundle of energy just melts my heart. Thanks for sharing her story on your blog.
Second, you are so right. Before children we didn’t enjoy sleep! I wish I did. Cause I dream of it now, daydream of course. Our bodies, ha! I don’t know about all woman, but me.. I hated it now and hated it before, so that marks me off, lol. Fun car, I totally agree, I drove a Miata and it was FUUUN! But I remember the Pre-Kids days.. ahhhh. Travel? Yes.. MUCH more honeymooning, basking in the sun, and spooning were allowed on our travel dates, yummy! We don’t get those either :( Eat out, yes, thanks for reminding me that I can’t afford that $60 hibachi that I used to love soooo much. Spur of the moment, love it. No kids to get dressed or cleaned up.. I love the call into work, even though before kids, it still never worked for me. With kids, there is NEVER a day off, BUT I LOVE IT! Money on myself.. yay.. Door shut to use the restroom, yes, geesh. I loved #10 too.
Sorry, I am Crystal and I found your site through today’s chick chat, I wanted to stop by. After THOROUGHLY listening to 5 different video’s I am destined to become a great commenter. Your the first, I am sure it was too long, but thanks..
And, FYI I will stop by more often!!
Crystal’s last blog post..H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S
I love this list! It’s all so true!
I always forget to lock the bathroom door and my son always barges in on me!
Kim’s last blog post..Curried Beef and Veggies
I am SO taking advantage of my nap time while I can! Sleep is my favorite thing to do! Whenever I babysit my nephew for the day I am exhausted by the time he leaves! And he’s not a hyper kid, being a mom is hard work!
I only wish I was a mom, hopefully someday!
Kudos to all the mothers out there!
Pooba’s last blog post..Chick Chat
I absolutely agree with your list!
georgie’s last blog post..I♥Jill
That is is okay to hide from your children in the laundry room.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
i’ve watched 3 videos so far – better get back in the loop!
scrappysue’s last blog post..wordful wednesday – girls live here
#9 had me laughing.
I can’t even pee without the dog barging in on me, for cryin’ out loud.
Shannon’s last blog post..Kooky Keywords
Enjoy your food…now I am always having to share or I’m eating standing up or eating to fast to really enjoy it! Oh and the bathroom one…so true, so true….just this morning my words were…”Hey, I’m going to the bathroom in here, how about a little privacy??”
migrainemom’s last blog post..It’s an "Eeyore" day…
I can’t you how many times I’ve ALMOST choked to death eating meals with my kids, and little children have no understanding of privacy as well…great entry.
Damon’s last blog post..Canker Sores and Home Run calls
1. Enjoy sleep. Nap. It’s a luxury that becomes a necessity you never seem to have enough of. Buy nice sheets. Roll around in them. Spend a whole day in bed. The next time you do it, you’ll be comforting a feverish, puking child and that’s not nearly as enjoyable.
Duly noted… and heading back to bed now. ;-)
LiLu’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: I’m a Bit *Moist* In The Pants
This list is priceless. I wish I read something like this YEARS ago, because you couldn’t be more correct!
All of those are completely true and I wish someone had told me.
I’m going to forward this to a dear friend who is trying to conceive.
Connie @ Young and Relentless’s last blog post..Mommies Marching for Maddie
I love this post. So true!
In fact, while my kids are still asleep right now, I’m going to go pee with the door shut in honor of you!
Whee!
XO
Anna
Anna Lefler’s last blog post..Wham. Bam. Mammogram.
This was so great. Like always : ). Happy Easter to you and your scary, I mean WONDERFUL, family : ).
Life with Kaishon’s last blog post..An Easter Wish-
Wear a bikini. Take a picture of your stretch mark free, flat and jiggle free tummy.
Oh, how I wish I could remember what my mid section looked like before having 4 children.
MahoneyMusings’s last blog post..Stupidstore is Still Stupid
I don’t have kids yet, but hope to someday. This was a great post. A good reminder to take in the joys of my life now…someday things will be very different. Thanks! xoxo
Miss E’s last blog post..Lights and Tunnels
This should be printed up and given to all woman of child-bearing age who don’t have kids yet … and it should be followed by the phrase “THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!!”
Jenners’s last blog post..The Obligatory 100th Post 100 Things Post
So true…I wish I had been told. I was so clueless:P
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Chocolate Overload
No truer words have been spoken. I always laugh when my pregnant friends make all these awesome plans…because I already know their lives are going to be about pooping, potty training and puke.
Lynette’s last blog post..I’ll be blouses
I wish someone had warned me! Sheesh!
Jessica’s last blog post..GIVEAWAY! T-Shirt from Rockstar Mom Maternity!
You just listed the 10 reasons why my husband and I aren’t having children. We like things like the freedom to go to the bar on Thursday night and stay up until 3am playing Guitar Hero waaaaay too much.
MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Oh, and before I forget…
this is good birth control.
Aimee’s last blog post..every dog has her day
Kind of depressing, reading these… oh, how I miss my flat abs!
Loukia’s last blog post..The good side of starting Kindergarten
Welp, looks like I have 6 more months until the craziness begins!!!! Yikes!! I’m scared now!!!!
Stephanie´s last blog ..watch me grow!
11. Don’t procreate – children may seem adorable, but you get a lot more love from a puppy for far less stress and money.
I might just print off a copy of this to post on my fridge, I’ll magic marker in the heading: YOU WERE WARNED. :)
WannabeMomErin´s last blog ..Blog Design – credit where credit is due.
I’m not stalking you! I just discovered your blog. #9-Totally true!
Judy´s last blog ..10 Things to Work on this Year
With regards to peeing with the door shut……..It got me thinking…You know I don’t’ have kids, but we have learned from many painful lessons that its best I go to the bathroom with the door shut…I knew alot of households that way when I was growing up…just in case, the demons from the 3rd layer of hell want to escape…..
I just wanted to say that I absolutely love this post! Wow, what a reality check. I don’t have the kiddos yet, very eager to have them but now I know what I’m in for…I thought I always knew but you really spelled it out. Not scared away just scared.
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
The Pursuit of Mommyness´s last blog ..Thank Google it’s Friday Follow!
Hi Jill.
This is my first time to your blog via POM. I don’t remember getting any of those tips. Sure wish I had. I never went out with my hubby or spent # on myself.
I have been enjoying reading your blog tips. I used to get anonymous comments so I changed my options to ‘only bloggers’ can comment. That way if someone has something negative to say, they can at least show their face/name.
Enjoying your blog. Will def be back. Please feel free to pop by my site some time.
shanilie´s last blog ..Home Schooling?
I found your site through Pursuit of Mommyness today and I LOVE this list.
I’m 6 months pregnant and read through this list and was like, “yup, yup, DAMN! why didn’t I do that?, yup, yup, DAMN!”
Love it. Such good advice.
Jess´s last blog ..mamadanica1:We’re so Californian.Whatever.This woman has no…
You’re a genius! I was shaking my head and laughig out loud at ALL of these…especially the babysitter for 3 kids under 5 one.
Imagine our predicament…we have 4 under 5. Babysitters are nonexistent! So glad I stopped by! I’m a new follower!
P.S. My girl Kat fron Today’s Cliche sat by you at Bloggy Bootcamp and said you are pretty awesome! =)
MandyP´s last blog ..Follow Friday!!!
Love this :) They are all so right.
This list is cute. It’s been five years since my first child so reading this was like walking down memory lane.
I would add:
Wear inappropriate clothing. The too short, too low, and too tight that shows off the beauty that is young, virginal skin doesn’t work after kids.
Walk. Walk where you want, as far as you want. Turn corners unexpectedly. Window shop for hours. Wave your arms around. Flex your free fingers. When you’re wearing children on your hips, pushing strollers, and holding little hands (a feeling I love and cherish) the simplicity of walking is completely diminished. Let’s not forget the nagging “My finger hurts! I can’t walk!”
Which brings me to, listen to your Ipod. Put things in your ears and tune out the rest of the world. After kids, you’d be so lucky…so lucky.
Eat ice cream and cake and sugar whenever you want and flagrantly stomp and sing and shout. Later, you’ll be sneaking desert and eating quietly after bedtime.
Go places. Go out. Stay as long as you want without consideration to anyone else’s schedule.
Ok, I could go on, but for the sake of self control, I’ll stop here.
Melissa´s last blog ..Happy Easter
Learn to cook….fast.
LOVE the list, and all the comments too! ohh how i miss the pre-mom days, i swear if i didn’t have kids i’d be out partying and getting laid every night, wearing clothes i LIKE rather than whatever isn’t in the laundry cuz of food, mud, puke and/or rips all over it….. thanks for making me smile & helping me not feel alone!!
All of these are so true. I totally miss peeing with the door shut. I miss naps. I miss sleeping all day if I really want to. Staying in bed and reading a book all day. Letting the first cup of coffee kick in before I have to deal with anything.
But I’d be lost without my little guy. And I know one day he’s going to grow up and I’m going to miss him being my “little guy”. ARGH, just typing this is making me cry.
Wow, this whole “let’s have kids” thing seems like unbridled boredom and despiration wrapped up in a tattered envelope of rationalization. In reality, most of you seem longing for a little company to your misery. Have fun; I’m going surfing.
That is so true, believe me if i knew that then, i sure wouldn’t have gone the route i chose. I miss those days of just being myself, not lost in changing diapers, screaming kids, cleaning all day. Please come back!… I wish!
hi scary,
i randomly found ur site and i am one of those fast i’m-too-busy-to-read-ur-blog kind of people but i have already spent 30 minutes going through your old blog posts. i know you prefer people to send you a private message about how much they like your site (none of that ‘Great post! Love it here! crap) but this post made me LOL (esp. pee with door open since we all know it is very true) so i just HAD to comment. sorry.
The real L.A. love story.´s last blog ..The History of Food- Post-baby Goods Eats
I don’t think your kid will burn the house down in the 2-3 minutes it takes to go to the bathroom. Nor will it hurt your child if he has to cry the whole 3 minutes you are gone. Just shut the damn door!
Also, having a baby is no reason to let your looks or body go to hell. Most gyms have child care. Utilize it. Dang, your life changes when you have kids, but it doesn’t end. An SUV (I love my Pathfinder) serves the same purpose as a minivan and is a hell of a lot more stylish.
Oh my GOODNESS I can’t even pick a favorite one. This list is TOO TRUE. Why doesn’t Madge get it? Madge must not have children.
Ugh…now all I can think of is spending a day rolling around in designer sheets. *sigh*
Becki D.´s last blog ..Planning- It’s What’s For Supper