04 · 08 · 2009

Before Motherhood

Before motherhood, I wish someone had told me to:

1. Enjoy sleep. Nap. It’s a luxury that becomes a necessity you never seem to have enough of. Buy nice sheets. Roll around in them. Spend a whole day in bed. The next time you do it, you’ll be comforting a feverish, puking child and that’s not nearly as enjoyable.

2. Appreciate your body now. As flawed as it may be, after children it will be worse. Droopier, stretched out and mushy. Even your feet will be bigger. Get a pedicure and flaunt them.

3. Drive a fun car. A convertible or a Beetle. Blast music that you love. Soon you’ll be driving a minivan and singling along to The Laurie Berkner Band. Even when you’re alone in the car.

4. Travel with your spouse. Family vacations are wonderful, but not the same. And finding someone to watch three kids under five? Impossible.

5. Eat out at really nice places. Indulge in a five course meal. Chew your food. Savor it. Soon you’ll be dining at chain restaurants scarfing down left over grilled cheese. If you’re lucky enough to get to a nice restaurant once you have kids, you’ll be paying the equivalent of an extra meal in babysitting fees. Linger.

6. Do things spur of the moment. Jet off somewhere at the last minute, with nothing but the clothes on your back. Have an impromptu adventure. Once you have kids you’ll need to plan everything.

7. Call in sick to work and use the day for yourself. Moms never get the day off, and you’ll make up for that sick day ten fold by caring for sick children when you are indeed yourself, sick.

8. Spend money on yourself. Invest in some really great forever items, because once you have kids the trade off will not seem worth it. You’ll calculate the number of diapers you could buy for the cost of those designer sunglasses. Buy them now and wear them later.

9. Pee with the door shut. It will be years before you get to do that again.

10. Under-appreciate your parents. Roll your eyes at them. Question their actions and judgment. Tell them they don’t know everything. Once you have kids you’ll have a new-found appreciation for them, and discover that they know a lot more than you gave them credit for. Ignorance is bliss.

Previous post:

Next post:

{ 95 comments }

1 Julia February 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Your sex life will never be the same..oh sure maybe at first with that first one..then they grow. They want to sleep in your bed..in the middle.Or they wander in at inopportune moments “Yay! I wanna play horsie too!” Then they are tweens..and suspicious.They invite every friend they have to stay overnight at your house..your are more booked than the Holiday Inn. Then they are teens and KNOW what you might be thinking..they organize the littler ones and take turns parading past your door all night like Sgt. Schultz on Hogan’s Heroes..”Zherrr villll beeee noooo monkey bizznezzzzzzz!!!” *sigh* I have kids from 2 to 22 under my roof at any given time….

2 Momma Michelle February 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Showering every day and applying make up with perfection!

3 Zoey @ Good Goog February 24, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Ignorance is bliss? This is what I wrote – 10 Things I Didn’t Read in What to Expect http://bit.ly/hUBcmo
Zoey @ Good Goog recently posted..149-365 Off the Grid

4 jay March 7, 2011 at 12:42 am

don’t forget to have great sex! i was a bit of a wild child in my youth, but now i feel like i don’t have enough hours in the day to make love to my dh. when we finally do get some alone time, were lucky to catch a nap and a slice of cold pizza, much less make time for forplay. i really miss having the time to just let my hair down.

5 Theresa March 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Hey love you list, wish I had thought of rolling my eyes at my mom a bit more, lol. Love your blog, I am a new scary mommer

I wrote about 10 things I am glad no one told me, otherwise I would never have had kids! http://www.amountainmomma.com/?p=107
Theresa recently posted..Don’t throw the baby out the window…

Comments on this entry are closed.