Being A Scary Mommy

So, I write this weekly column for Cafe Mom’s The Stir. It’s an awesome gig; every week I submit some sort of fun countdown and in return, they pay me. I know, right? It’s the very best kind of work.

The posts over there are the same tone as here– highly sarcastic and meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Most weeks, the comments I receive are broken into two camps: Wonderfully supportive and fucking asshole; there is really no middle ground. This week’s topic was Lies Mothers Tell and the response was no different. Some moms piped in with lies they spewed to their offspring: The ice cream truck plays music when it’s all out of ice cream, (genius!) that mother’s have eyes in the backs of our heads (my children totally believe this ever since they tested me as I was sitting at my reflective computer screen– score!) and that Chuck E. Cheese doesn’t allow mothers in the door. (Mark my words: I will never step foot in that hell-hole.)

And then there are the other mothers. The ones who always leave comments like this:

“I don’t tell any of these to my kids, and I don’t see how lying to your children is something to brag about.”

“I’m so glad I don’t treat my son like he’s stupid. And I’m so glad I actually parent instead of lying to him because telling the truth is just ‘so hard’ and ‘inconvenient’. Whatever. Be a happy member of the Lying Mothers Club. I’ll stick with honesty.”

Wow. Lying to your kids is something you proudly post about? I think you really might be the bottom of the barrel type of parent. This isn’t funny, isn’t admirable and I truly hope my children never cross paths with yours.”

“I realize this is a bit tongue in check but the thought that it’s quite alright to lie to children and encouraged in some instances is disgusting.  I am aware EVERY TIME I lie to my child… I just don’t think lying should be part of “good parenting.”

“Lying to your kid is horrible parenting. If you have to lie, then you’re doing it wrong.”

Every week as I scroll through comments like these, I am struck by a few things: 1. People need to lighten the hell up. 2. Who are these women who take things so seriously that they leave comments like this on a humor column? and 3. How can I assure that I never, ever run into them in real life?

But, even more so: Why does tearing other mothers down seem to make some people feel better about their own parenting? Are they so insecure that they need to bash other people in order to feel OK about themselves? Do they just have no sense of humor? Or, do they just not like mine?  Yes, I sometimes lie to my children. I sometimes ignore them. I have let them eat off of the floor if it gets them to digest their veggies. I do a million things that other mothers judge me for. But, I would rather find the humor in my lack of “perfect parenting” than pick apart other people. And it allows me time to actually enjoy my kids instead of trolling the internet to judge other moms. Which seems like a far better use of time. If you ask me.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)


stephanie 4 years ago

To an extent its lying. More of a white lie type situation really. Every parent I know including myself have done it. It will not traumatize your kids, and it is funny that these mothers are getting their feathers in a bunch over it. I feel like I sometimes am too honest with them when it comes to death or other serious matters like sickness. That is more tramatizing than “eyes in the back of your head” grow up “perfect mommies” as if there were such a thing

Kate 4 years ago

The moms who say they don’t lie to their kids….are lying :)

Summer819 4 years ago

Couldn’t agree more! I will never understand why some mothers feel the need to judge or critique other mommies. Maybe they suffer from low self esteem. Maybe they need validation that they are doing the “best” job. Whatever their reason, I hope they make it through motherhood okay. If not for a sense of humor and other mommies to be sarcastic right along with me, I sure wouldn’t survive. I’m fine if you wouldn’t do any given mommy task the way I do, but just don’t get all holier than thou and tell me I’m wrong for it.

A 5 years ago

If you lie to your kids, you really can’t say anything when they lie to you. You taught them, after all.

Katrina 5 years ago

We judge each other because we’re all secretly afraid that we’re doing it wrong.

My personal pet peeve is women accusing other women of whining too much. I wrote about it here:

Ilseken 5 years ago

So I know one thing for sure.. well a couple of things actually. With my first child, I was (almost) like those uppety gals, wanting to do everything right, rolling my eyes at those moms who fed their kids hot dogs (nitrates!) and let them eat off the floor (germs! hair!). Then I had two more kiddos, and it was either lighten up or check into the nuthouse. My house is officially a mess now, my kids’ clothes are not ironed and their hair is not always combed, and I still don’t like it but at least I have learned to live with it. And guess what, my oldest daughter, who was on the verge of becoming a 5-year old neurotic, snooty wreck because of my modeling behavior, is now (4 years later) a happy, well adjusted kid. As are her younger sister and brother. I wouldn’t go back for any money in the world, and I KNOW that our mothers and grandmothers lied to us all the time and none of us turned out to be serial killers… Maybe those goody-two-shoes moms need a reality check.

cara 5 years ago

You said it girl! Why even post just to cat fight and bash over the internet… I pray I don’t run into them in this crazy enough world… I am positive they wouldn’t like me…. lol

CDubs 5 years ago

Scary Mommy, I think I love you.
Just found your blog thru a fb post, and really, you seem to hit the naiil on the head every time.
I kind of want to be your best friend, but not in a weird creepy way.
I have been wondering about similar things lately — my wife and I just had a baby (born 1.19.11), and like every new mom, I’ve gotten a hella crap from what feels like the entire world, but what really bugs me are those people (often well-meaning, I hope?) who say: Gee, you’re still finding time to have fun, aren’t you? Or “Parenting hasn’t slowed you down one bit, huh?” Judgy, judgy, judgy. Even posting a fb comment about “judging not that ye be not judged” didn’t stop the onslaught — quite to the contrary, I got into a long and kinda funny in its own way debate about what that passage really means (ask me if I care — I don’t — I’m the farthest thing from a crazy christian).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can come up with easy answers as to why so many seem to have a need to judge others — insecurity being the main one — but maybe the real answer to the astute question you raise is who cares?! Who cares why these people feel the need to judge, or leave rude comments on your page. Instead, let’s celebrate your honesty, your wit, your willingness to share and your generosity, and if we want to be Really Big People, let’s hope that maybe in the smallest little way your keen observations about life and parenting bring these jokers just a wee bit closer to living an authentic life?
You kind of make me want to write a blog.
Signing off,
Your Newest Biggest Fan and so-not-creepy-stalker.

    Ilseken 5 years ago

    LOL… I love your “crazy Christian” comment. I just made a FB entry about that too, they drive me to drink! (which I am sure they would judge me for, GOOD!)
    Good for you for being a new parent and still finding the time to have fun, your child will learn from your example. Kudos.

Lana D 5 years ago

Ahhh, the Stepford Mommies. These are the ones whose homes are always perfectly kept and whose children are perfectly dressed with socks that actually match and who prance around with shoes-matching-bags.


These are the mothers whose children end up in the Bell Tower!

Patricia 5 years ago

I just read the article on mothers that lie. Heck, I raised four kids and not a day went by without some snippet of wisdom shooting out of my mouth! And, to all you “good” mothers out there, hand sanitizing has gone FAR ENOUGH! Let the kids eat some dirt now and again, it builds immunities. We are raising a generation of germaphobes and if you think healthcare costs our outrageous now just wait.

Melissa Punchak 5 years ago

Life is short, gotta laugh! I told my child that the chip factory closed down and that’s why i didn’t buy him a bag.

Maegan 5 years ago

Might I suggest a book titled, “Great Lies to Tell Small Kids” by Andy Riley?

Things like, “Wine makes mommy clever,” & “Rain is Jesus’ wee-wee.”

I own this…and his Bunny Suicides. Fantastic reading.

Tot Thoughts 5 years ago

This is brilliant! We have a “no lying” rule in our house which I find extremely challenging to enforce when it comes down to the hundreds of things I lie about: I know everything (as luck would have it, I’ve been able to surprise my kids in just enough circumstances that they believe this), I can heal your owies with kisses, yes there is a Santa Claus (and friends), if you don’t eat with your fork I will cut your fingers off (ok, they 50% believe that one but that 50% is enough to keep them in line), etc. The question isn’t whether we lie to our kids but why and how to do it in a way that doesn’t undermine our respect for them.
– Karla

The Domestic Yogi 5 years ago

Oh thank goodness. So refreshing! I love people who can poke fun at themselves and he honest about themselves!

Donna 5 years ago

I went there, I read it, and I laughed my butt off. I also commented and left a few more lies. If you’re not lying to your kids, you’re making parenting harder than it has to be, and you’re NOT doing your kids any favours! They need to know the facts… Ice cream trucks HAVE run out of ice cream when the music is playing!

Dorothy @ Kids Birthday Party Places 5 years ago

People has a different point of views. As a blogger you need
to have a long patience because you can not please everybody…

Allison @ Alli n Son 5 years ago

High five from an also less than perfect mom. Let’s bond in the humor or it rather than pick fights because a mom is less perfect than we are. Who wants to be perfect anyway, it’s way too much work.

Terry 5 years ago

Everyone tells little white lies sometimes and really?…Who doesn’t lie to their children? (weirdos, that’s who!)
My favorite 2 lies I’ve told:
-When my oldest daughter was small (before she could read), she would only eat Chinese food at the Lucky Dragon. Therefore, all Chinese or Asian restaurants I wanted to go to became the Lucky Dragon.
-Chuckie Cheese is always being remodeled. (wow that took years to redo!) Have yet to step foot inside as a mother.
Whether they believe me or not, the oldest now will pretty much eat anywhere and anything plus they stopped asking to go to Chuckie Cheese years ago. Lying obviously gets results!

Rebecca 5 years ago

I totally run across this on a daily basis with someone I work with! Every time I mention a strategy I use for my son, she ends up ripping it apart but worst of all she tries to be really nice about it. UGH! Makes me so pissed.

The other day me and another co-worker were discussing “time-outs” and how effective they are, how you actually get a 1 or 2 year old to sit in a time out, etc.
She comes in with, “Oh, maybe you should try a time-in. Because…waa waa waa wa waa waa” I totally blocked her out after that comment. Who the hell does a time-in anyway? What does that even mean? Guess I should have listened to the rest of what she had to say.

But, most of the time it’s just BS anyway.

Keep doing what you do, because I love your humor and honesty!

Sunday 5 years ago

I think these PollyAnna mothers who leave these vicious comments on your posts are really trying to make up for their own inadequacies and their putting you down is a way they pull their dwindling self esteem back up.

Or perhaps they just haven’t got laid in a really really long time.

The Flying Chalupa 5 years ago

Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more of these types of comments and I, too, am kind of stunned.

And I feel so freakin’ bad for the kids of these moms! Because giving a kid 100% honesty and talking to them like they’re an adult is giving them a first-class ticket to Issues-Ville.

Just laugh at ’em, Jill. Not that they’ll hear you seeing as how they’re so far up on their high horse.

Elena @NaynaDub 5 years ago

Couldn’t agree more! One of the first blogs I ever posted was about how my kids won’t eat & I’m their short order cook. I had a guy who commented & gave me a list of things to try, how could I give in to their demands and how could I promote this behavior. He didn’t remotely get my sarcasm & obviously needs to chill.

The Mayor 5 years ago

All of us who have been through a couple (or in my case 6) pregnancies that have rendered our bladders leaky…we will never have to worry about our pants getting totally on fire from all the lying.

I must run with a bad crowd because in all my years of mothering I have never met a mom who doesn’t do a little lying now and then.

Wendy 5 years ago

Seriously, my kids were better off thinking that the Ice Cream Truck plays music when its out of ice cream- I never had to worry about them running across a busy street. Telling them that lie was better then having to tell a lie to my Mother-in-Law ( or the Medical Examiner and CPS) about how they got hit by a car while crossing the busy street. And BTW, I want to know if those uppity Mommys tell their kids ” Yes, Sweetie, youre the best player on the baseball team” when their kid cant even find 1st base, let alone hit the damn ball? Oh and dont even get me started about what they tell the kids after they get Botox or a boob job or when they drink too much, or when their Dad is banging the Nanny…..The Truth? I think NOT!!!….. ok, getting off my high horse now, and going out to find the non-music playing ice cream truck, on the busy street.

Dee S. 5 years ago

Seriously?!? I know these mothers – I’ve seen them at the school functions where you can see them secretly judging all the other mothers around them who don’t quite meet their standards. As I happen to fall in to the category of ‘not quite up to the perfect mother standard’, but also in the ‘all my daughters classmates want me in their group on school trips’ – I know which group matters more to me.
Yup – I lie to my daughter – regularly. I protect her from the horrifying truths of the world whenever I can, and soften the ones I can’t fully cover up. She also believes in unicorns and dragons, and someday we will travel the world in search of said creatures. And if we don’t find any? You betcha – ‘they must all be hibernating this time of year!’ 😉
And anything at all that keeps me or my family out of the horrors of Chuck E. Cheese, cannot by definition be a bad thing.

Julia’s Child 5 years ago

Your detractors are lacking in self knowledge! Is their every squeal of delight over the play-dough food they’re served by little chefs in the play kitchen thoroughly genuine? Is that green crayon squiggle really “beautiful!” and “amazing!”
Have they never lost a game of Uno intentionally?
I think not.

Julie 5 years ago

Makes my day when I come across other moms with fully-functioning senses of humor. Thanks!

TornadoTwos 5 years ago

Amen! We HAVE to find the sense of humor in parenting or else we’ll go looney! I’m going to go read your post, but I’ll stay away from the comments, they’ll just make me mad. And for the record, yes, I have lied to my kids. My most recent one was to my 13 yo son who was sneaking treats in the kitchen: “Don’t think you’re going to be able to get away with sneaking around in the middle of the night, your dad and I have video cameras set up all throughout the house and so we always know when your sneaking stuff.” hehehe

Loukia 5 years ago

Jill, it sucks that people say mean comments to you, when you’re CLEARLY a fabulous mom. And I hate stuck up moms that are all like, peace, love, never lie! Sometimes, you have to. Period. I do, even though sometimes I hate it. Heck, I even heck that I lie about Santa, but sometimes, you just gotta! Or like, I’ll even say we have no more chocolate so I can eat it when the boys go to sleep. Little lies like the ones you noted are totally AOKAY.

SydneyHouseHusband 5 years ago

I’m so glad we don’t have Chuck -E -Cheese in Australia!

One thing I’ve learned about being a house husband and hanging around playgroups in the park and overhearing other people’s conversations.
Some women are so cruel to each other!
What about when the kids overhear (or worse walk in on) you and your partner having sex?
What truth do they tell their kids?
I love the lie that Roseanne told the youngest boy in her classic sitcom….”We were moving furniture”

Mariah 5 years ago

This Cafe post was so stinking funny. I feel I HAVE to tell my kids these things, it might be one of the best parts of being a parent. I waited 20 odd years to use those lines on them and, yes, my kids are “stupid” because I tell them age old tales passed down from generation to generation. {rolls eyes}

All I can say about these honest mothers is pot calling the kettle, baby.

Mrs.Mayhem 5 years ago

In my opinion, that judgmental, holier-than-thou attitude stems from jealousy. Maybe some of those mothers are jealous because you’re so witty, or maybe they’re jealous because you have a carefree attitude regarding mothering. Anyone leaving that type of comment is not 100% happy with herself or in her life.

Ayan Deato 5 years ago

This is a really interesting entry. I agree with you 100% that people should lighten up. Keep posting I’m a fan :p

jessica 5 years ago

This is so true, I am always surprised at the capacity of women to either support each other to the end or tear each other apart like there is no tomorrow. Too bad for all of us that we can’t meet in the middle somewhere.
BTW- you are in the story on my latest post, stop by if you have a sec

Kjersti 5 years ago

If I didn’t ignore my kid sometimes, I wouldn’t know how awesome she is at putting puzzles together.

Bohemian Hijabi 5 years ago

My parents lied to me plenty as a child, and I think I turned out pretty well rounded. It is a right of passage if you ask me. Then when the kids are all grown up, they can laugh with each other about the time when mom told them that ice cream sold off of trucks was made from bird droppings. I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect mom, and the one who thinks she falls in that category clearly has her head stuck so far up her behind that she can’t see herself clearly. By the way, the five second rule is in full effect in my house. For kids and grown ups alike.

singlemom2008 5 years ago

I follow you on twitter and will signing up to get your emails. I think that the post on the Lies Mothers tell was absoutley hysterical! I know that I have told a few myself and that doesn’t make me or anyone else a bad mother. I am sure everyones mother told them a lie or 2 growing up. LMAO at the comments that some people made. People are way too sensitive nowadays and well I always say if you don’t like it then don’t read it or watch it! Some people just like to complain.

I say keep up the good work! Nothing like a good honest and truthful perspective on life.

I will be adding your button to my blog as this is such a great site and breath of fresh air.
Hopefully if times allows you can stop by mine and take a look. I think that my newest weekly blog series: times are changin” you could appreciate!

Krystyn 5 years ago

My husband said, about 2.5 seconds after our first daughter was born “let the hypocrisy begin.”

Pretty sure that sums parenting up for us.

stephanie 5 years ago

Plllllleeeeeeaaaassseeee! Gotta love those moms. They are the same ones that write the fake, happy poems on facebook about rainbows and unicorns and how perfect their husbands and kids are. My take? They are HEAVILY medicated. Anyway, we share our dirty little secrets weekly. Check this out …

“Cookie” 5 years ago

You said it….. insecure and obviously nothing better to do than bash other moms. I don’t always agree w/ everything I read on blogs but that’s what the X is for in the upper right hand corner. Click it and keep moving! :)

The Baby Mama 5 years ago

If I could get a cent for every lecture I’ve received on bad parenting, I’d be rich. Couldn’t agree more – lighten up and enjoy. We’re all different and we’re meant to parent differently, that’s what being an individual is all about.

Anna 5 years ago

I wonder if these honest parents tell their children about Santa Clause …

WHATEVER! We all lie to our kids – whether we want to admit it or not!

and I admit to being one of those mom’s – not the perfect one – the one who lets him eat a carrot off the floor if it gets him to eat a veggie…I will also let him go to school without brushing his hair and I will let him wear mismatched clothes and even his Halloween costume year round if he wants – if it makes him happy – well, then – so be it!

I have also always told him that the noisy toys take special batteries that aren’t sold in stores when the batteries die in them.

Jill 5 years ago

I swear that people need to just lighten the fuck up. Seriously. If people can’t just enjoy your blog for what it is … then they shouldn’t be reading.

maternity clothes chick 5 years ago

So what do the perfect, honest moms tell their kids about Santa, the Easter Bunny & Tooth Fairy? Whatever. Some people really should lighten up, or just stick to reading Ladies Home Journal.

Brook @ To Be Dancing 5 years ago

It’s been so nice that I almost hate to mention this, but…..Am I the only one who’s noticed that Madge has been conspicuously quiet on this post?

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    LOL. Not only have I noticed, but I’m almost concerned. Did she get hit by a car? Drop dead from a sudden heart attack? Where in the world is Madge? 😛

Amy H 5 years ago

Seriously? I’m 110% in agreement with you…LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE! Some days, if I don’t laugh…I’ll pull all my hair out, while I’m drinking heavily!

You should know…I recently lied to triplet #2 when he pointed out that his sister triplet (#3) had a “broken pee pee”. I told him it was because she held it so much!

Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. 5 years ago

I’m clearly late to the party (damn reader is too full), but AMEN! Next time you submit a post you may want to offer a side of valium for those who take their mothering so seriously. Geesh!

Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment 5 years ago

I, too, am taken aback by mean commenters. The internet and blogs are my place to relax and enjoy myself. To laugh, to feel connected. I think the truth here is that there are a lot of mothers who are completely overwhelmed by the job they’ve given themselves, and their anxiety gets in the way of their sense of humor. While they may be miserable, they think that at least they’re doing everything “just right.” Only, they’re not. Because their own anxiety and lack of humor is witnessed and internalized by their kids.

They just need some wine. Everyone needs wine.

Crystal 5 years ago

Oh man! Women are so quick to get their panties in a bunch, get snippity with others, and pass judgment. Why?? Why are we that way…to each other…especially moms judging moms???? I wrote a post “Are YOu Ready to Rumble?” Because I always feel like I have to play the defensive because there are so many women out there that think that they KNOW EVERYTHING, have the answers to everything, and do everything better than everyone else! That’s why I don’t seek women out to befriend!!

jenny talia 5 years ago

your kids, your rules
and fuck those *mothers* if they can’t take a joke

Zoey @ Good Goog 5 years ago

I’d like to know where the line in the sand is for lying. Is withholding the truth lying? Because if it is, a whole lot of non-lyers are being unnecessarily cruel.

Jennifer 5 years ago

Yes. I’ve come to believe that there are some people that do need to make others feel bad so they will feel better. I’m so glad I’m not one of them.

Monapolis 5 years ago

The negative ones are probably from all the good Catholic moms that write “from Santa” on their Children’s gifts at Christmas… 😉

MiMi 5 years ago

I wish you were around when I was raining my kids. When is your book coming out? :)

Jessica Torres 5 years ago

I love the ice cream truck and the chuck e cheese lies. I might have to try those. Some people just don’t know how to laugh and need to lighten up rather than take your blogs so serious.

rebecca 5 years ago

I guarantee you that the haters lie to their kids more than you and me do! Who DOESN’T tell their kids those things? I think life isn’t life if you aren’t told “don’t swallow your gum, it stays in your stomach forever!”

Evan’s Mommy 5 years ago

Um, hello? To reiterate other postings here, people lie to their kids about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, etc. Or how many of them lied to their kids when a pet died? Duh! I can almost guarantee that the people who say that lying to their kids is a travesty do in fact lie to their own kids about SOMETHING! Saying that they never lie to their kids is like saying they never have or never will lie to anyone about anything. Or, maybe they are lying to themselves about their own lying. Screw the naysayers! Pffft!

Eve 5 years ago

I just go with the theory that most people are stupid until they prove themselves otherwise! Keep doing what you’re doing and yuppy mommas be damned! I ignor my son and let him eat off the floor…You haven’t featured me yet, but I am a proud member of the Scary Mommy Society!! **fist pump**

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    Right back at ya. :)

Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him 5 years ago

I can’t stand women who feel the need to put others down. We’re all doing the best we can. And humor is the thing that gets most of us through. I’d be Gone, Baby, Gone if I didn’t find ways to find levity in my life. Three babies under three and a husband that works 4 states away all week. Pass the cyanide…(and I get shit on for those comments all the time, too).

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    No kidding, right? I swear I’d be in an institution if I couldn’t laugh at myself.

Jess 5 years ago

What kills me is that this behavior seems to harken back to junior high. These were the girls who would stare each other up and down and remark “You’re wearing that?!!” I had always hoped that the girl on girl insults would abate, but it seems that there are a lot of middle-aged Mean Girls out there.

The Domestic Goddess 5 years ago

Right on. I love the tearing down. I’ve begged and pleaded with folks before to end ALL mommy wars. I just think some people think they will feel better about themselves if they criticize you (me) and put you down. I’ve been accused of being abusive, a bad parent, judgmental, “not nice”, opinionated, etc. HELLO! We’re all judgmental and opinionated! That’s what makes us human.

The thing that gets my goat the most is when folks tell me I don’t have enough experience as a special needs parents to say what I say. you know, because it’s a pissing contest and your disabled kid is better than my disabled kid. Poppycock. Everyone has shiz they deal with. I don’t get why some folks constantly have to one-up you. Insane.

30ish Mama 5 years ago

I guess some people have to convince themselves that they are better than everybody else just to be happy. It’s really kind of sad that the only way they can feel good is by making others feel bad. These are probably the same mothers who brag abut their kids because they enjoy seeing the look of worry on other moms’ faces when their kids don’t “measure up.”

The Military Life 5 years ago

Right, like any of those asshats tell the truth about the Easter Bunny or Santa or the Toothfairy. Whatever. I strongly dislike people who find it necessary to judge others. Whoops, I think I judged in my very first sentence.

amber 5 years ago

You will always be a great mother in my book. Those women? Are miserable little girls who feel the need to ruin everyone else’s fun.

mommyk8 5 years ago

I wondered myself who these Mommy Trolls are. My thoughts are thus: One, they are lying. Two, they have nannies and their nannies lie to their children.

Also, the higher up the pedestal you put yourself on, the further the fall. I’m glad that my pedestal is a piece of newspaper on the floor.

Kelly 5 years ago

I find that a lot of mothers like to attack other mothers. I think that it makes them feel better about their lack in parenting. I love your column and people really need to get a sense of humor. Keep up the good work!

Lessons in Life and Light 5 years ago

It’s too bad that according to the “I never lie to my children club”, their children are also missing out on Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the like, because, you know…*those are lies too*.

Sheri 5 years ago

“Yes, motherhood is a serious business. However, if women could start remembering to take the stick out of their ass from time to time, then they might raise children who aren’t quite so annoying.” Francesca

Perfectly said.

    The Military Life 5 years ago

    I love this! I’m putting as my FB status. HA! Thank you!

      Scary Mommy 5 years ago

      Francesca is a very wise one, indeed.

Heather 5 years ago

You know what sometimes you have to lie! Sometimes kids don’t understand the truth,and they say why to everything! They do need to get a since of humor!Also they need to get over them self, because know parent is perfect all the time! Most good parents does the best you they can! As long as you love them and take care of them,that’s what really matters

Audrey 5 years ago

Parenting is a tough job and that’s exactly why we need blogs like yours. If we can’t laugh at ourselves we’ll go crazy…..I love your blog…thanks for making me laugh every time I read it.

Vanessa 5 years ago

You are so right. Show me a “perfect” parent, and I’ll show you a flying pig. Show me a parent who never lies, never loses it with their kids and I’ll shout “liar liar pants on fire!”
I love reading your blog. It makes me feel like a good mom, even though I too sometimes ignore my kids, yell at them, tell them to leave me alone and lie to them.

Erin 5 years ago

Again…I come late to the game – comment #1292922829 but…none-the-less… here it is

It is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” that I was able to claw my way out of PPD and go on to birth 2 more AMAZING little people (who I lie to daily)

it is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” that I can get out of bed everyday and keep going…

it is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” and just about everyone who I have found through you that we have a chance of turning this incredibly FUCKED up world around…

it is BECUASE of mother’s “like them” that Sarah Palin has a TV show:(

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    I’m in love with this comment. :)

Sara Plays House 5 years ago

These mompetitors are EXACTLY why I stopped taking my kids to Gymboree. Get a group of 20 yuppy moms with their so-called perfect kids was enough to make me wanna vomit.
I have NO idea why none of them would take me up on my offer for a beer after class. I mean, the restaurant was RIGHT THERE. Geez.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    That would have been the only thing getting me through the class.

anymommy 5 years ago

I’d like to run into you somewhere and beg you to be my best friend. Seriously, fabulous post, although I’m not sure it will ever reach the intended audience. Hard-headed, that lot.

SaucyB 5 years ago

I lie to my kid too and I can’t stand women like the holier than thou bitches you described.

I’ve found that when it comes to motherhood, some people can’t feel like they’re getting it right, unless it means that someone else is getting it wrong.


SaucyB’s last blog… Make Me Laugh Monday

Lori Stefanac (Lola) 5 years ago

This whole judging other mothers and other women in general is ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, this is NOT a moral stance. If I could get away with judging others all day long, I would. The truth? I’m just way too lazy and judging all the time just sucks the energy right out of me. My solution? I just assume that all of us are doing the best we can with what we’ve got. Ahhhhh…now THAT’S easy.

    Erin 5 years ago

    love this Lori! Very refreshing take!

Vinobaby 5 years ago

I love to tick people off with one of my son’s surprising latest quotes

“I don’t believe in Jesus, but I believe in Star Wars and Angels and the Tooth Fairy.”

Too which we weren’t quite sure how to reply, but I’m thinking of printing it on a t-shirt I love it so much.

You don’t like it…tough…

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    That sounds like a religion I could get on board with.

Michelle Saunderson 5 years ago

It is amazing to me how quick people are to judge how other people parent. I gave up caring what others think a long time ago. But, the judging never stops.

Paula 5 years ago

Unfortunately we do sometimes have to lie. And although I’m not “proud” of lying, it is a skill we need from time to time.
People DO need to lighten up. Life is too short to judge others. Even those of us who consider ourselves “really good people” make mistakes, mess up, and, yes, lie. 😉

Dumb Mom 5 years ago

The only person perfect enough to judge others and cast aspersions is me. And I say you’re lying ass is pretty freaking awesome in the mom department and I’ve actually seen you with your kids! It’s funny too how people get all big and bad online, but few if any would have the audacity to say such things to your face, lest you haul off and punch them in it. Personally, I make it a point not to say things to people online that I’m not gangster enough to say to their faces should I meet them in the street. It’s my little way of avoiding surprise ass kickings and mom blogging events (has that ever happened?!). Actually, I think I’m nicer to people online than I am in real life. As it’s my goal to be a digital sweetheart (something I’ve already screwed up in my real life), I think I’ll keep it up! You on the other hand, should tell them to shove it. Or, sit on it and rotate. Or something else equally crass and funny. You know, just to really piss them off. They like it, believe me, they’re just to busy being perfect to know it.

    Jennifer 5 years ago

    How hilarious would a surprise ass kicking be at a mom blogging event? Let’s all just sit and think about that for a minute…

Francesca 5 years ago

People bother me. You know these women are moms to “that kid” in your child’s class….the one who tells your kid that Santa Claus doesn’t exist…the one that always has to be “first” and “right”….the one that I will spend a lifetime rolling my eyes at and praying my child doesn’t become.

Yes, motherhood is a serious business. However, if women could start remembering to take the stick out of their ass from time to time, then they might raise children who aren’t quite so annoying.

From Belgium 5 years ago

Urgh, those comments be nasty.
Just think of the things their poor childeren must put up with… No wonder psychiatrist make so much money…

Clayton Thomas 5 years ago

Found a link of yours on Twitter. Hope I can find and follow. There is another word for moms (and dads) who claim they never tell little fibs. That word is…denial. I wouldn’t say I make a habit of it but to claim it NEVER happened would be….. (wait for it)…. a lie.

Twitter: @claylauren2001

Lynn from For Love or Funny 5 years ago

Jill, this is a little off topic but I wish I had your ability to write stuff that fostered such terrific conversations! You go, girl! And that’s no lie!

    Francesca 5 years ago

    This made me smile, Lynn.

    Jill is a social media master.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    Awwww, thanks, Lynn! I just somehow ended up with the smartest, wittiest readers in the world. :)

I’m So Fancy 5 years ago

Thank God my kids are still too young to understand much of what I say, so it’s a nonissue. But I’m quite sure that I will one day very soon lie through my teeth if it gets them to bed/out the door/into the bathtub. And I’ll be proud of myself for creative problem-solving!

Helen 5 years ago

I love the “fib” about the ice cream van. I wish I’d thought of that! Some people must have perfect lives if they can get upset about a lie as trivial as that.

emerson 5 years ago

Do you want an honest answer to the question about where their sense of humor is? I doubt you’ll pay attention to it, but here it is. Mothers as a rule don’t have a sense of humor about their kids when the input comes from anyone not in their social group. And yes, this applies to you as well. I know, it’s different when other mothers do it to you. They all say that.

angelica 5 years ago

I think you’ve got it completely down, it is insecurity, NOBODY IS PERFECT and if they can’t see that, then they are in real trouble (more so their kids). I had this mom that kept treating me like I had some sort of venereal disease because I work and have a nanny. For the most part I let her be, but one time she insinuated I should go ahead and have more “as it was so easy for me (not doing any of the work and all)” how she could never do it, because her child *needed* to be with her night and day… let me just say I’m a clinical psychologist specialised in children, and I went down on her like a ton of bricks. she never bothered me again…

Missy 5 years ago

Oh Jill, I have fallen even more in love with you.

MJ 5 years ago

I was one of those moms who swore I’d never lie to my kids, and for the most part I’ve done ok with that. However there are times lying is necessary. I will NOT tell my son that the reason his Dad didn’t call this weekend to come get him was because he had something better to do, which was running around with his friend and getting drunk and playing golf all weekend. I’ll tell him something must have come up, or maybe he was sick and we’ll see about doing it next weekend. Yep. That’s a lie, but it’s one that allows my son to still believe he’s important to his father. Which he is. Sometimes his dad has to have a weekend of guy time. Or in this instance, there was a family of 5 that was killed at an intersection here in town when a semi-truck slammed into the back of them and their car burst into flames. My youngest (at the time) daughter asked me if the people burned to death in that car or if they died when the truck hit them and didn’t know they burned in the car. I lied my ass off. I’ll admit it. They died the instant that truck hit them, baby, they didn’t know anything about the fire. I would NOT have my then 6 year old child worrying about those people in that car. There were enough people here doing that for her. She had bigger issues to worry about. Like who to play with on recess or her current reading assignment at school.

No, you shouldn’t just lie to them for the fun of it, but there are times lies are appropriate, acceptable, and indeed the RIGHT THING TO DO. If you tell your kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when it’s out of ice cream (OMG this is GENIUS!!!!) it’s only because you need Mommy-time and you’re looking out for their health by denying them yet ANOTHER unhealthy snack. Yep. That’s exactly it. Because we don’t lie to our kids because we’re horrible people and we don’t want the best for them. If we did, we wouldn’t spend so damn much time talking about our kids and how much we love them and worrying about doing the right thing for them. Some people (a freaking LOT of people!!) need to get a life. And someone needs to tell them to get those kids of theirs off those pedestals because that’s not a safe place to put them while they troll the internet looking for other moms to rip to shreds to make themselves feel like amazing parents. Asshats. *growls*

b harper 5 years ago

p.s. I’d like to hear the answers these broads come up with when little Josh asks where babies come from.

b harper 5 years ago

These are the worst types of people. The “that baby should be wearing a coat” and “tattoos are permanent, you know” kind of people. Clearly these people missed the fact that the post wasn’t titled “Important Parenting Advice.”

Kate Coveny Hood 5 years ago

Oh please. I have of yet to meet anyone who hasn’t lied to their children in one way or another. I’m very lucky in that I’ve managed to be completely oblivious to the perfect parenting taking place around me on a daily basis. I have stereo screaming twins and a special needs kids covered in dirt. At the end of the day, I just don’t notice how much of a better job everyone else is doing. I’m just trying to survive.

That’s one of the perks of having a tiny blog with just a few readers: mom thinks everything I write is fab.

Good for you – having a sense of humor about the critics.

Brandi 5 years ago

I love reading what you write, because you are real! I am sure we would all be shocked by what happends behind the closed doors of people who have nothing better to do than bash other parenting styles. =P

Jessi 5 years ago

My mom used to tell me that the ice cream truck was “the music man” I don’t know when I actually figured out that the truck carried ice cream until much later in life…much much later. But what I did learn from this “lie” is that you should not squander your money away just because someone rolls on by with shinny stickers and a catchy tune. We had treats at home that were better for me and healtier and I didn’t waste my hard earned allowance on something so unfulfilling. Lie on mama’s it’s good for the kids!

Melanie 5 years ago

My kids lie to me all the time….not fair if I can’t lie back and get some sort of satisfaction from it. Of course, I also believe it should be ok to put Thorazine darts in a blow gun. Keep telling it like it is….because that’s how it really is. Women like that are just too embarrassed to admit that they let their kids eat of the floor, too. Grow some balls ladies.


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