Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
- Perfection (Or pretty close) - June 3, 2013
My birthday is coming up tomorrow and as a present to myself, I will spend a whole day doing things that come naturally to me which drive my husband crazy. As his present to me, he isn’t allowed to complain or roll his eyes about any of them. On my list {which I, of course, reserve the right to add to at any time:}
• Leave all of my bathroom cabinets and dresser drawers wide open. And, leave at least 3 pairs of flip-flops scattered throughout the house.
• Call him on his office phone, and then his cell phone, and then his office phone again just to ask what he wants for dinner. Who cares that he’s hosting a meeting? This is important!
• Send messages with laundry lists of annoying tasks for him to do. Follow them with a smiley face and some x’s and o’s.
• Go out to dinner where I will blast the AC the entire drive to dry my wet hair because it curls so much better that way than when I use a diffuser. We may have to leave a half hour early or so just to have extra time in the car.
• Spend no less than 15 minutes at the restaurant hemming and hawing over different menu options. End up creating something entirely new up by combining three different selections.
• Treat the hostess stand like a buffet, stuffing my purse with dozens of toothpicks, matchboxes and mints. Why? Because they’re free!
• See a movie, first stopping at the inconveniently located Dollar Store to get snacks, rather than pay five times as much at the theatre.
• Spend the entire movie crunching my bag of Sour Patch Kids because unlike the theatre boxes, my Dollar Store version came in a crinkly bag.
• Go to Walmart at 11 PM to get the 20 or so items I’ve needed for the past month, ranging from a fan to nail files to sponges. Compare prices on each and every item to ensure the best deal. Produce coupons at checkout and pay with all of the coins that have been weighing my bag down for weeks.
• Sleep in Vaseline slathered feet wrapped in plastic wrap and wool socks. Does it actually make my feet feel as soft as a baby’s bottom? No, but it could.
• Toss and turn and hog all of the blanket and every last pillow all night long.
Sounds like a perfect day. To me, at least.
{ 112 comments… read them below or add one }
hahaha spoken like a true Cancerian………….. we really are a lovely bunch of coconuts aren’t we. Loony Moony chick I call myself. Have a happy birthday. Still laughing over the vaseline/plastic wrap feet xxxx
msdilemma recently posted..Seriously Sticky
I absolutely LOVE this! I think I may have to borrow this list for my birthday as well! The best part is that there are a few things on this list that I do and a few more that also annoy my husband.
Hope that you have a great birthday! Enjoy the day!
Jackie recently posted..My Kids
That sounds amazing…well, it sounds positively terrifying for your husband, but awesome for you! I especially like the drying your hair with A/C in the car.
I’m telling you– it’s the ONLY way to get my hair to dry well. When I was in high school, I had really long hair that took forever to dry. I remember driving around for almost three hours to prepare for my senior picture. That’s totally normal, right?
Well you *were* head of the yearbook committee…
Danielle recently posted..New day- new blog
and that was well worth the 3 hrs! your hair was PERFECT! love your bday list – you’re so low maintenance :-)
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! You go girl… happy birthday tomorrow! :)
These are great…love the one, “Call him on his office phone, and then his cell phone, and then his office phone again just to ask what he wants for dinner. Who cares that he’s hosting a meeting? This is important!” So funny!
I would add leave the dishes in the sink, your dirty clothes all over the floor and tramp around the house in your muddy shoes!
Well, leaving the house a mess goes without saying. One shall not lift a finger one ones birthday. It’s, like, a law.
I may just have to do a copy and past for my birthday!
happy birthday
angelica recently posted..Live fast- buy hats
Opps forgot to say Happy Birthday girl!
Ooops, sorry. I rolled my eyes a couple of times. I hope you can forgive me. ;)
Happy Birthday!
Jen recently posted..I am Going to Need a Cabana Boy and a Fruity Drink
I better hide this list from my wife. :-P Although I think you spared your husband in one way. Last year, my wife wanted me to take her shopping for her birthday – innocent enough I thought. Until she tried and retried stuff on for the better part of 2 hours.
Pop recently posted..Hi Little Baby
My husband actually doesn’t mind shopping– it’s me who can’t stand trying on clothes. I despise it!!
I loved reading this. Thank you LMAO
Good thing birthdays only come around once a year! Hugs and birthday wishes!!!
Within the first few years of my husband and I getting together, he wanted me to write something for him. I thought it’d be cute if I put a smiley face at the end. That apparently ruined the whole thing and I had to start all over again. Men, they just don’t appreciate a good smiley face.
C @ Kid Things recently posted..I Hate Shopping
–>Do you text and email him too if he doesn’t answer the phone?
Happy birthday too!
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Flashback Friday Part 61 – The Proposal
I don’t text, but e-mail, yes. But phone harassment is really much more fun.
Happy birthday. I hope you get to do all of these annoying things and more.
Jennifer recently posted..The weight of motherhood
Your day your way! Good for you
Sounds like the perfect birthday to me.
Allison recently posted..Chicks Man
That’s great! I hope that works out for you :-) Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday too. Happy birthday!
Amanda recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
Clearly you have spent some time perfecting this list. Good work. And, have you tried olive oil instead of Vaseline? Good stuff
Momalom Jen recently posted..Complete and confident composure or self-assurance – Poise
Olive oil on the feet? No, how would it stay? I like to really slather it on. But, olive oil on the hair, yes. Covered in a shower cap and with a hot towel. Works wonders. :)
oooh, along with vitamin e oil and jojoba oil. works great!
I love it! :D
Happy birthday! Have a wonderful day!
Awwwww! Happiest of days to you!!!!! That sounds absolutely wonderful!!!!!!!!
Jules recently posted..“As governor of Texas- I have set high standards for our public schools- and I have met those standards” George W Bush
I am sooooooo going to do those things on sunday (my birthday). But I will add ‘leaving the baby to run amok in his office (preferably naked, sans diaper), pulling out all the books while I nap’.
Enjoy your birthday!
Yes, yes, yes! I forgot that one! Who cares if he pees all over? It’s so cute to watch!
I’m going to try the smiley faces on the honey-do list. Why didn’t I think of that? From another Cancerian – Happy Birthday!
Fantastic list — I have dried my hair hanging out a car window on the way to a business meeting. I do not think I got the same results as you. I must also state that I would throw you out for leaving all the cabinet doors open as well — I really thought that was a Y chromosome thing! Happy birthday.
His thing is leaving clothes on chairs. Makes me nuts. But the cabinets is all me.
God, we should have gotten married.
That was funny, Nice List.
Rosa recently posted..Contractions cause Tummy aches
Oh, Scary Mommy, I do love you. This cracked me up- I, too, sleep in Vaseline covered feet. And, hands, too. Happy B day!!
Like I tweeted, tomorrow is my birthday, too. My husband assumes that I want to spend the evening with him eating dinner and drinking too much wine and the only thing that I REALLY want to do is ride my bike in barefeet and play a zillion rounds of skeeball.
Sara — The Football Wife recently posted..The Biggest Sandbox
I love this list! To think the husband is not allowed to whinne, complain or otherwise produce an annoying behavior in response? Best celebration ever! I MUST do this on my next birthday. You rock!
Happy Birthday! To make it extra special, why not drag your nails on a chalkboard while your husband tries to sleep. Fun for everyone!
xox
Okay, I’m so gonna have to try that a/c thing on my hair. And I thought everybody went to the Dollar Store for candy before a movie. Happy Birthday!
Diane recently posted..WW- An ungrateful turtle and a tent in my house
All fantastic ideas! I especially love how you end your date night at Walmart…I do that too (“Just a couple things, swear!”) and it drives my husband crazy.
I’m a little freaked out by the plastic wrap, but my feet are a mess so I’m willing to try anything!
Happy Birthday!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..Plus- baby pumpkins are darling
great list! have a wonderful birthday! btw…is the movie gonna be chick flick the hubs will have to sit through?
cathyjoy recently posted..Substance Who Me
I love the list idea!! (I don’t know if my husband would be able to stick by those rules though…)
Have a wonderful birthday!!
Maureen @ Wisconsin Mommy recently posted..Win a 150 Cookout Prize Package-
…and this day is different because….?
you’re too easy!!
swirl girl recently posted..The One In Which She is Most Certainly NOT FINE
Sounds perfectly normal to me! But then, I’m a moon child as well and we rock.
Happy Birthday and may you enjoy your day and the year to come.
Connie recently posted..Angie of My Four Monkeys Reviews a Sweet Doll Outfit from our Budget Clothing Line for American Girl Dolls
I literally felt a bit of anxiety about the cabinet doors but every thing else is HILARIOUS!! Happy Birthday!!!
I may have to use a few birthday or not :D hahaha!!
that just sounds like a regular day in my house. and my birthday lasts a month, so your husband really should be thanking you for being such a reasonable and loving wife.
alexis recently posted..proud to be a theta mom
You’re buying a cake on the sly and hiding it in the back of the fridge behind that bottle of orange juice that no one would drink because it had *pulp* in it and eating the whole thing by yourself one forkful at a time right?
Carolyn Online recently posted..Someone get Hollywood on the phone Stat
Happy Birthday, Jill…a special day for a very special one!
Ah, a woman after my own heart! I hope you get all you wish for and a very happy birthday.
Lauren @ Hobo Mama recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Flour power
I already do all of those things every day… cept for that WEIRD foot thing. What the heck is that?
Anthony from CharismaticKid recently posted..Teaching your kid the secret of charisma… Shhh- – Episode 3
You are brilliant. The AC is out in our car, that must be why I’ve had jungle hair for a month, right??
Hope you get a couple of special stuck together Sour Patches :)
amanda recently posted..Misfit
Sounds like a perfect day to me!!!
happy happy birthday jill! let us know how far you got on that list!
scrappysue recently posted..wordful wednesday- i think my cats have mental problems
NO!!!! I hate the partial feed.
If people steal your stuff, take it as a compliment. You are so amazingly talented. Look! You’re plaigarized!!
Texan Mama recently posted..No Mother Left Behind
LOL-happy birthday.
Susie @newdaynewlesson recently posted..Everyone Has Their Issues They Need To Work Through
You are so fabulous. Have I told you that lately???
Well. You are.
Happy Almost Birthday!
BlissfulBabe recently posted..You Love Me- You Really Love Me-
Happy birthday!!
Your husband is a saint, Jill. Really.
I had an accute breakdown just r e a d i n g your list.
Thank god you’re not my wife. :))
My husband is a Cancerian, too. I know, I know, I should have known better. Next time, for sure.
Louie Louie Bebe recently posted..May – 12 inch Waldorf doll
Happy Birthday! I hope you annoy the hell out of him! And yes those vaseline wool sock nights could TOTALLY work…someday.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Putting a Smile on My Face
Happy Birthday – Hope it is a great one!
Happy Birthday !
Sounds an exhilirating program… But I will never tell my husband about it. I would be afraid that HE would ask for the same birthday present with his special treats
You’re too cute. Have a wonderful birthday!
Kate Coveny Hood recently posted..Hot Mens Fashions Currently SweepingMy Family
Sounds like a perfect day. It’s your birthday, you can be as annoying as you want. Have a good one!
Mrs.Mayhem recently posted..Cheapskate Vacation
Vaseline, plastic wrap and wool socks? Sound like some sort of 3rd World torture tactic rather than a way to soften ones feet.
I hope you get to do all that you want today. You deserve it! Happy Birthday Jill. Enjoy your day.
HaB recently posted..Can We MommyCan We
Happy, happy birthday!! I love your list for today, and might have to adopt that for myself. For my half birthday or something.
Lolli recently posted..Budget Boot Camp
HA! I never thought about the A/C trick to diffuse hair. Wow, I need to try that one out. And annoy my husband in the process, of course.
Happy Birthday, Jill! Hope your day is even better than you planned. =)
-Aimee
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog recently posted..A Boy And His Future Dog
That’s funny, but wouldn’t work for me. Whenever I’m not getting help around here from hubby (hey I work too!) or he’s being rather obnoxious…I just pick a day and do EVERYTHING like he does.
Like the other weekend he slept or literally laid around all weekend while I busted by “bubbies” doing everything I needed to do, plus be Mom to Anthony and do everything lazy bones needed to do. Later that week I had a migraine and needed to nap when he got home from work, so he needed to take Anthony with him to do errands. Lets just say no nap for Mom and leave it at that. Soooo……come this past weekend…I laid around and slept all weekend while he did everything. Pretty sure I got my message across that what’s good for him to do is good for me to do ;)
Happy Birthday!!!!! You take the first prize because you were born on the first day of July, the best month in the year! :-) I hope you got to do (or not do) all the things on your list. :-)
subWOW recently posted..Relaxation Visual Aid
What an excellent way to celebrate. Please add one more annoying tactic and tell your husband it’s from me.
Happy birthday!
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake recently posted..The Video Game That Must Not Be Named
Happy Birthday Jill!
That sounds just lovely and your hubs will just have to deal. I would love all except vaseline in my socks. I can just see a major accident happening with that one!
Enjoy your day!
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..Hipstamatic-Ize Your Photos-
OMG – I could have written this post myself. I love you to bits… and, yes, from only meeting/knowing you from the 30 minutes we misbehaved at Bloggy Boot for chatting at the back table (rudely, now looking back) during almost the entire time.
Could totally picture the AC blasting, in an effort to work the curls. I totally would stop at Dollar Store… AND, did NOT realize THAT IS WHY they use boxes at movies!
Kat @ TodaysCliche.com recently posted..Seriously- “I Think I Broke My Leg”
I love this!! I think that every woman should be able to do this on her birthday. All couples have those little itty bitty things that aggravate the hell out of one another…being able to do them without hearing about it would be great. Even better maybe on your birthday you can request that your husband doesn’t do the things that drive you crazy…NOW that would be AWESOME!!! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday, love to read your blog! Sounds like you have this day all laid out can’t wait to hear how it all went. Your children are beautiful the pictures from the wedding were awesome.
I know I am wading into shark infested waters – I am pushing the button to comment with a little bit of fear :-) (the first time I’ve ever been “nervous” to post a comment somewhere! lol! I’m actually saying a little prayer I don’t regret this!) But I really do think you will laugh – hopefully not too much at me – but more about how opposite we are! You mentioned on sheposts.com that we are polar opposites. And you are right! Cause I wrote a birthday post on my birthday last year and well – it’s the polar opposite! So funny – just for laughs – please NO hate mail peeps!!
http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2009/08/happy-birthday-to-me.html
Courtney
Courtney(WomenLivingWell) recently posted..My Heart Is About To Burst-
Courtney, you have balls. Can I say that to you? :)
I love that you posted this- you’re right- it’s pretty much the total opposite of what I asked for. In some alternate universe, we are clones of each other!!
I have nothing but respect for you after the way you handled all of this and truly, TRULY, I never meant to attack you. I am so sorry for the nasty e-mails that you have gotten- you do not deserve them. You are a class act, and I am… not. But, maybe I am in that weird alternate universe.
And, thank you for the birthday wishes.
Lol! You are too generous with your kind words – I so appreciate them – but I’m sure I’m less deserving than you think. We are all human (therefore very flawed)…I can laugh at myself! AND do not be too hard on yourself. Though I think our brains think as polar opposites – at the heart we are the same -both young wives, both mommies of children we adore, and both blogging in blogland (which I have found that as soon as I meet a blogger we connect immediately over that topic!). If we met in real life we probably have more in common than it appears…
Maybe we’ll meet someday and I’m sure we’ll laugh about this!
Hope you had a special birthday!
Warm Wishes,
Courtney :-)
Courtney(WomenLivingWell) recently posted..My Heart Is About To Burst-
It’s a date. :)
Oops! Completely forgot to say – Happy Birthday Jill! :-)
Courtney(WomenLivingWell) recently posted..My Heart Is About To Burst-
Happy Birthday.
Jack recently posted..This Time
Happy Birthday! I really hope you get to enjoy every single one of those!
Love it!!!!!! Hope you have a fabulous birthday!
If I let my hair dry that way I’m afraid it would be too big to fit in the car. But THEN! I could stop at the dollar store for candy AND hair product!
Happy, happy birthday!
Cheryl recently posted..Blowing bubbles
Happy Birthday. LOL, your poor hubby, but he’ll live.
HA! Love it. Everyone deserves to be the center of attention on their birthday :) Thanks for the always enjoyable posts.
Sleep in Vaseline slathered feet wrapped in plastic wrap and wool socks. Does it actually make my feet feel as soft as a baby’s bottom? No, but it could.
BTW, that sounds far more uncomfortable for you than for him. I bet he snores through it. ;)
Jack recently posted..This Time
I love your list! Sounds like your husband and mine went to the same “how to be a man class”! It’ll do him good to have to pick up after you for a change! A truly fantastic gift! You did let him off the hook a little though by not making him shop for you!! But there are lots of occasions for those kids of gifts, this one is well deserving for your birthday. Hope you had a good one!
Amanda recently posted..The Garbage Monster
Whew! That is SOME LIST! (kind of like “some pig” but not really because that’s in a book where animals talk and animals don’t really talk.) (Do they? Do they talk? Because that would suck because they taste SO DAMN GOOD) (Yes, yes, yes. I’ve been drinking wine. AGAIN. I KNOW. Lush. But I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and I’m just so much funnier when I’m a little buzzed.) (I AM funnier, right? It’s not just all in my head? I mean, I already KNOW that I’m a better dancer and sexier when I’m drunk, so the funnier bit must be true, too. RIGHT?!?) (Damnit. I need an answer. I know it’s your birthday, but humor me.)
Oh yeah. Happy Birthday. Muwah.
tracey recently posted..I dont want to forget this
I hope that you had a fantastic birthday my bloggin’ friend. I will be celebrating right along with you.
Patty Reiser recently posted..June Gloom
I’m totally on board with this new way of celebrating birthdays…annoy everyone else so we can bask in our achievements. All we’re really on this earth to do is piss everyone off anyway, right? I absolutely love it…I’m also declaring today my birthday!!!
Have a good one!
Rebecca recently posted..First Solo Trip with The CraziesPart I
That last item is surely a typo, correct? Walmart? And all this time I thought you were are Target gal like US! :)
Happy Birthday, Jill. Your friendship really does mean so much to me.
angie recently posted..Top 10 list of Things that would make me happy in the summer
Oh, I am. Totally. But, they close at 9 and Walmart is open late, so after dinner it’s my only option!!
This was AWESOME. Hope you go to do it all. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! SEE YOU IN A FEW WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday Jill! Hope you got all your wishes and then some!
I’m a total loser and forgot to comment yesterday. I hope you forgive me….I know you will, right?
Happy Birthday!!!! And I love your birthday list!!!
P.S. I hope it was a great one!
Julie @ Angry Julie Monday recently posted..Angry Kid and the TB Test
So. How would this be different than what I already do every day. No. What I want to do is leave him at it all alone with no phone to call for help.
Wait, was that mic on?
JourneyBeyondSurvival recently posted..Checklist
Aahhh.. Enjoy your day! I get mine in exactly 8 days… Can’t wait!
But my list is going to be filled with 4H stuff. The kids style show is that day. Maybe I can squeeze in an hour of just me somewhere in there… or just the afternoon….
Happy Birthday!
Val recently posted..Its OPEN THOUGHTS Friday-
I usually miss birthdays anyway so a belated birthday wish is no surprise……
Happy birthday!
I have a card that has an image of circus performers titled Cirque De So Late….and inside happy belated birthday….I bought it because a. on a card buying kick which coincidentally around the time that those card organizers came out….the plastic containers that you buy that separates your cards by theme…..I never bought the organizer but I did start buying cards….I buy fun gift bags for the same reason….to have on hand to use when the holiday comes around…..except that I still have cards and gift bags from the 90′s because I just end up buying new anyway…..so I’m mentally giving you the card I have from 1998. Happy birthday.
I have been following your blog for a while now….like over a year….I love it….I didn’t have a blog of my own so I never left comments…..with a blog I would look like less of a creepster….I have a blog now!
I recently wrote a post about the blogs I love and you are on the list…check it out at:
Heidi
Hiya Scary! Haven’t commented here in a while, but I wanted to have you stop by my blog and pick up your “Blog of Substance” award! Happy Birthday (lil late)!
Elizabeth recently posted..A Blog with Substance or I got an AWARD-
I like the calling and texting and emailing idea. I have three weeks to come up with some additional ideas. Wet towels on his side of the bed would be one of them.
Thx for that tips. It’s much appreciated! Best regards.
Its all about YOU, baby! enjoy every annoying minutes of it! Happy Birthday!
Love it!
I read that as “valentine” slathered feet. That would be interesting.
I like all of your ideas. I don’t think my husband could survive not complaining about them. I suggest a dollar for every time he does.
I have been reading here for a while. We seriously sound like the same person sometimes…. Particularly number one on your list of annoying birthday things. Haha. I hope you have a great birthday, lady! :)
This is fantastic! What a way to celebrate your birthday…by being YOU! This motivates me to make my own list. Watch out hubby!
Love it. My husband could never deal.
Have a great birthday! It’s not my cup of tea but whatever tickles your fancy!!
I hear ya…I call it my birthday week in preparation for the ‘big day’! I too have a long list of to do’s with no complaining allowed and my husband is quite accommodating…This year was exceptional ~my 3 yo gave me my first ever surprise bday party with party favors, birthday trimmings only a 3 yo can make and a not so delicious but super fabulous yogurt covered chocolate chip cookie. Birthdays are meant to be ‘our’ special day…I hope your was all that you wanted it to be…Happy Birthday :-)
My husband is way too opinionated to let everything slide without any comments or eye rolling. Nevertheless, I do try to have it my way on my birthday and he is sweet to me. Have a great day!
Ah, a fellow Cancer Loon! Now it all makes sense why you are a “friend in my head”. Happy Birthday!!
I love it!! Have a happy Birthday!
I think you and I may well be twins separated at birth… Except for that teensy detail about your birthday being a few days ahead of mine… Happy birthday!!