The Best Resolution I Ever Made Was To Quit Mom-Shaming

The Best Resolution I Ever Made Was To Quit Mom-Shaming

Miguel Constantin Montes

There was once a time in my life when I loved me some good New Year’s resolutions. And now? Bleh. Sounds an awful lot like something I’ll add to a list of things to do, will never get to, will feel disappointed in myself about, which will probably lead to a pity party of overindulgence in something soaring in calories and deliciousness to make me feel better. That last part is particularly bad if the resolution is something as predictable as “Lose that last 10 pounds!” or “Exercise three times a week!” or “Stop eating a box of Cocoa Pebbles every night for a snack.”

I’ve made a concerted effort over the last year to live my true life and be my true self. I think that maybe came from a book I half-read while pregnant a few years ago, but I didn’t take action until I felt like I was absolutely drowning within my own life, which took place right around the time my daughter turned 1.

So I spent the second year of my daughter’s life “being true to myself.” What that means is that I now do my very best to stop feeling guilty over dumb shit (and when the mom guilt hits me hard, I hit up my sister/husband/best friend’s phone equally as hard, looking for affirmation that I’m a good mom because, hey, we all need a little love once in awhile). And whenever I don’t want to do something, like go to a family get together, I tell them I can’t because I have to live my true life. It’s like YOLO, but for grown-ups.

Being true to myself also means that I acknowledge that every other woman/mother is also just doing their own thing, and they don’t need any judgment from me because, really, who the hell am I to judge anyone else? Yes, my kid waited patiently in line at the store for 20 minutes with nary a peep or complaint. But she also has conversations with our pets in which she is the one voicing both sides of the conversation. She’s a great little traveler and falls asleep within minutes of boarding an airplane. But she also eats butter packets and cups of sour cream straight-up with a fork at restaurants, and I don’t even care. I also order the sour cream for her.

So, no, I’m not going to give another mom side-eye if it’s winter and her kid doesn’t have a hat on. Who knows what kind of hell she had to go through to even get his coat zipped. You know what Kermit says — not my business.

With that said, to all you moms out there looking for a New Year’s resolution you can actually keep: Be true to yourself, and don’t throw shade at other moms. Please, please let’s just throw away our Judgy McJudgerson Pants because, for starters, judgy pants were, like, so 1990s, and they never looked good on you anyway.

And, to be helpful, because being helpful is also part of being my true self, here are some resolutions that are super easy to keep and will make you feel accomplished:

1. When you get bored scrolling Facebook or Insta, go to your inbox and instead of deleting everything, open those emails, scroll to the bottom, and hit “unsubscribe.” You’re not going to make those recipes from Kraft, and you’re never going to purchase a Groupon Getaway. Get it out of your inbox. It feels a lot like cleaning, except you can do it while half-watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy you recorded in September (because, if you’re like me, you still watch Grey’s Anatomy because it’s one of the longest relationships in your life, and even when it’s really bad, it’s still relatively easy for you to maintain).

2. Throw away your kid’s artwork every night while they’re sleeping. (Remember, live your best life! Don’t judge me!)

3. Stop making snide remarks about other mothers, and women in general. How easy is that one? So easy. You literally have to do nothing.

And that’s it. It’s really quite simple, isn’t it? You’re welcome! Happy New Year!