Alternatively titled: You are a much better parent than you think.
1. The Balloon Boy’s Parents: Not only did Richard and Mayumi Heene think they could get away with claiming their son flew away in a home-made balloon, but they also named him Falcon. The irony is tragic.
2. Jon Gosselin: He has been called many things, but few more accurate than bad parent, Hollywood Gossip writes, “there are many, many reasons one could cite for this. Picking out a particularly obvious one, The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is pointing a finger at the dad of eight for having his little ones on his ATV.” Also topping my list, exposing his 8 children to his infidelity and to Kate’s haircut.
3. Michael Lohan: It’s one thing to blog about your children’s potty training gone bad, nose picking and bad eating habits, but it’s an entirely different thing to release secretly recorded phone calls about your daughter’s cutting, secret love affairs and stints in rehab. {They are entirely different, right??}
4. Octomom: Eight babies plus six children minus financial independence equals one hot mess. Minus the hot.
5. Ryan O’Neal: There’s nothing like hitting on your own daughter to ruin a good funeral. “I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me,” O’Neal told Vanity Fair in an August interview. “I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me — Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.” Why, yes. Yes, it is.
6. John Phillips: Makes Ryan O’Neal look like Father of the Year.
7. Joe Jackson: Not only did he sue his dead son’s estate for an allowance, but he also fathered the freakiest attention whoring family in show business.
8. Heidi Klum: Maybe not a parenting failure for her, but for all of us. Because, really, it’s just not cool to look like she did weeks after having a fourth child.
Have any failures to add?
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{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
Seriously agree with you on the Heidi Klum comment!
Great posting. This totally makes me feel like mother of the year!
–>Great list. Most recently you can add to Tiger Woods not helping the self-esteem of his daughters when he cheats on their MODEL mother.
WebSavyMom´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – My Mother-in-Law
Fabulous! And yes, I am feeling rather Parent of the Year now!
Agreed! I’ve always been a defender of Kate over John……even though they both fail in my book.
And, let’s not forget Tiger…….his story is coming out. Any man who cheats on his wife, cheats on his children and the life he’s been graced with.
Tiger seems like more of a husband fail to me, for some reason. I think I’m just too sick of him at the moment to list him!
Fantastic!
jen´s last blog ..sweet success
Yeah, 4 kids and you look like that? Not fair…not fair at all!
Krystyn´s last blog ..Myachi Review and Giveaway
It’s seriously not. She must be an alien or something.
So true! I’m so glad you see Jon Gosselin the way I do, too. He creeps me out and I can’t believe all those celebs are so “buddy buddy” with him. What’s to like? He isn’t even cute – and he’s a jerk!
*shudder* John Phillips. Can we really call that a parent?
I feel like super mom now:) Except that… most of these were about dads… crap…
Julie´s last blog ..All I want for Christmas
No, I debated leaving him off, because it’s just so disturbing. So.
You’re right…we all look like saints compared to these winners.
I’d move Joe Jackson up a few, though. I love how when he was asked how the family was holding up after Michael’s death, his answer was: “I want to make this statement, this is a real good statement here. Marshall and I, we own a record company called Ranch Records” Or how about how he never beat his son: “I never beat him. I whipped him with a switch and a belt. I never beat him. You beat someone with a stick.” Or then there’s his response to Michael’s allegation that being in the same room with his dad made him throw up: “He regurgitates all the way to the bank. That’s right.” No wonder Michael Jackson was a nutcase…I’d be one, too, with a dad like that.
Also throw in the collection of cheating politicians–Mark Sanford is a winner, as is John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, and the rest of the gang. Kids that have to go through that, publicly…how sad is that?
It doesn’t get much worse, does it?
I’d like to add Tiger Woods into the mix. Anyone who cheats on their wife and kids is just a creep.
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..It’s a wrap
Oops, Casey already mentioned Tiger. I’m tired!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..It’s a wrap
When I saw the picture, I was like HEIDI KLUM?? But I get you. Let’s look at it this way: she must have to work out like crazy to get back into such good shape so quickly, so she’s probably neglecting all those kids for the gym. See, she really is a bad parent. :)
Great list, Jill! I’m secretly glad Britney Spears did not make the list… at least this year! Heehee…
Okay, so when I first saw your twist about ‘Biggest Parenting Failures of 2009″ I thought you were going to do a top 10 list of YOUR personal parenting failures of the year – which is what I want to do now! (Falling down the stairs with my baby in my arms, when my baby fell off my bed in the middle of the night, how I let them eat chocolate too often, etc.) :)
Loukia´s last blog ..A Parent is Born – Blog Tour!
I’m with you on the Heidi Klum one! Only in Hollywood!
Lauren´s last blog ..Tasty Holiday Treats
*shudder.* Thanks Scary, I feel a lot better about caving yesterday and allowing the husband to show my offspring the gasoline-powered potato gun!
Sally´s last blog ..P.S.
David Hasselhoff needs to be on that list. You just gotta feel for those kids after the past few weeks events from mom and dad.
Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Tisk Tisk Tiger, Shame on You America
Ugh, Heidi Klum makes me sick! Also, Octomom is a hot mess. And then some. And then some more! Love the post!
Dolli-mama´s last blog ..Happy December
Sheesh, I’m a better parent than these freaks and I don’t even have kids!
I actually like Heidi Klum… If she can look the way she does, and tell some fledgling designer they suck and then go home and play hide and seek with her kids, then she’s got exactly the right temperament for a mother!
But the rest. EWEEEWW!
Val´s last blog ..Who invited Mickey?!
I like her too. When I’m not hating her. Other than the way she looks, she is entirely likable!
LMAO! especially about Heidi…I was wondering what she did! LOL!
Patty´s last blog ..About Me…
For this post you will be given a special mention in my next “Follow Friday” blog post :) I think EVERYONE should read your stuff!!
I’m feeling much better about myself now LOL
Carrie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Visit with Santa!
Oh, Michael Lohan. Such an embarrassment to parenting.
I give this sort of celebrity gossip way too much thought, but am unable to add anything – nice list!
LZ ´s last blog ..Top Ten Thursday: Memorable TV Theme Songs
AAARGH! I was in the grocery store (in sweats, a hoodie, and sneakers) and saw that picture of Heidi Klum SIX fucking weeks after giving birth. That bitch. Genetic freak–
TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Beauty and A Chuckle
yeah it’s so not fair that Heidi looks that way. but you know if we had her money and connections we’d have the best chefs and trainers getting us in tip top shape.
my heart does go out to the gosselin kids…what a train wreck their parents are.
dawn´s last blog ..pretzel shortbread
Jeebus, Mackenzie Phillips dad. Where do we even begin?
Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..Dear Crossing Czarina
I couldn’t believe my eyes when my toddler wriggled under the locked baby gate this afternoon because he wanted a toy that was downstairs. I think my eyes popped out of my head. I’m sure he’s done it a million times and I had no idea at all.
On a day like today, I appreciate this very list more than you know.
3 Stinky Boys and Me´s last blog ..Warning: Never Invite Me to A Cookie Exhange. Ever.
I can’t add any others except maybe future people…Heidi and Spencer Pratt if you know who they are. I keep praying that they don’t breed but she reeeaallyy wants to have kids. gross.
Randa´s last blog ..Because Aunt Becky Told Me to.
Great list, Jill! I suddenly feel SO much better about myself! Thanks for that much needed boost.
Lolli´s last blog ..Five Tips To Get Kids To Bed (And To Stay There!)
What? No mention of gosselin’ D-bag wardrobe? Let’s not forget the word Ed Hardy had to do to get him on your list!
Fantastic post!!
Erica´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: The Bon Jovi edition
Octomom is a freak, but ya gotta give her props for losing all that baby weight. I mean, shit! She had EIGHT babies in that belly and now she looks pretty good! I don’t want to even think about looking at her stretch marks or saggy skin, but really, she looks pretty good.
Texan Mama´s last blog ..Being a Grown-Up
Octomom had FREE plastic surgery recently. That’s why her body looks so tight.
I really don’t live under a rock…but, seriously..who the heck is John Phillips?
And, YES! thank you for making me feel better today – I am having one of those working mommy guilt days.
HaB´s last blog ..Thankful….
Mackenzie Phillip’s father who was a leader of the The Mamas & the Papas- she came out several months ago that they had a sexual relationship. It’s gross.
http://bit.ly/7LClKb
OH…that is just plain nasty.
HaB´s last blog ..Thankful….
yes add Tiger to that failure list! Heidi I hate that beyotch I ‘m still trying to lose that baby fat and she starts driving soon!
Kathy´s last blog ..
Sadly – adding Tiger to the list. Jeez – Ozzy Osbourne is looking more and more like a good role model these days.
Swirl Girl´s last blog ..The One In Which Rob Petrie Ruined It For Swirl Girl
I know!! Frightening, huh?
Great list, Ryan O’neal really takes the cake.
Jack´s last blog ..A Father’s Obligation- Mistakes Happen
Ok. I am so in love with this list, all because of #8. It’s not enough that I tweeted it, I need to leave a comment and give you a big shoutout for being a truth seeker. UGH. She was on Conan gushing about how she enjoys being pregnant. I know I am just jealous. But I feel better when I scream out loud once in a while, I HATE YOU HEIDI KLUM. Whew. That felt good. Thanks!!
All of these loons blow my mind – seriously, people actually live these lives and act this way? Tragic.
Melissa´s last blog ..Plum Pretty
Yes, agreed, excellent list. And I thought I was a bad parent for securing my daughter’s diaper with duct tape so she wouldn’t pull it off….
Amanda´s last blog ..And The Winner Is…
Heidi Klum makes me want to vomit. Hey, maybe that’s how she got her body back so quickly.
Sorry, harsh I know.
Jen @ buried with children´s last blog ..A Letter to Santa
Ugh!!! I feel so much better now.
Lori ´s last blog ..Brussels Sprouts for Everyone
Love this! And yes with Heidi Klum – not right.
How about OctoMom being 100 Top People for CBS? What? What??? Freaks.
S Club Mama´s last blog ..Moose vs. Squirt
Thanks for this list! I am starting to feel a little better about my shortcomings as a parent.
Ha. Thanks I feel much better about all my transgressions like not reminding Lukas to use the potty in time during training.
Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..Big Dirt Pile Blues
Great Post Jill. I think you pretty much got it covered in terms of examples of craptastic parenting.
Awesome post. Unfortunately, I feel like Tiger might get added to this one for his “supposed” infidelity.
Can I also add Denise Richards to the list? She just irks me anyhow, but she basically used her kids to get ratings with her reality tv show. *Might have actually been last year, but I’m adding her to this year’s list anyhow).
Tamara´s last blog ..Mommy’s Letter To Santa
LOL, yes- she is terrible. And I looked, but couldn’t find anything this year. But, she can be an honorary member, just for sucking.
Well, now I feel like a MUCH better parent. Even though I did just spend a week trying to convince my 11 year old that his thumb was just sprained, when it actually WAS broken -erk!
Gotta agree with Hockeymandad on the Hoff, but if he’s on the list, then Alec Baldwin along with his voice message skillz should be too.
Tara R.´s last blog ..SkyWatch Friday ~ season 4, edition 21
Yes, yes, and yes, but that was 2007 and I was sticking to this year. That would surely have topped the list!!
I think I’ll pass on adding any failures…I really don’t want to take up that much space on your blog. However, these parenting disasters do make me feel a tad better about my…um, skills.
Dawn´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop…Dear Santa
Yikes! And I was having a bad day today too! I feel better on many counts. So thanks. This was your good deed for the day.
I wonder if anyone is doing a list of parenting greats for 2009? Role models… why isn’t anyone celebrating the good? Hmmmm….
WackyMummy´s last blog ..Looking For My Happy
You don’t need stumblers ScaryMomma! Aaaaannndddd…have ya own tweet part-a.
I will bring the whine—I mean the wine.
Triplet Plus Two Momma´s last blog ..Baby Diva Dumplin’
I am a HUGE Project Runway watcher, and I always bitch to hubby “OH MY GOD. SHE’S PREGNANT AGAIN?! WTH?!” or something along those lines.
I’m green.
- with nausea
- with envy.
=/
The Wifey´s last blog ..A Hot Mess @ The Wifey’s House
Happy Friday! God Bless!
ellen´s last blog ..apple and banana health benefits
Ok can we just touch upon the OC housewives please?(being an ex OC housewife of the REAL kind myself) Where to start…hmm?
How about Lynn, allowing her teen daughter to drink alcohol at a dinner party , and totally ignoring her youngest daughter.
Tammy…for EXISTING and claiming to be a great parent and then slamming Gretchen while her ex’s grieving kids listen to jealousy spew from your mouth…look honey all ex strippers find a man candy to take care of them…….you really think your son is going to end up any different or respect women after your vicious verbal attacks? Grow up and get a clue.
Vicky….for setting her daughter up on a 3 day blind date…in her home no less.
Ohh I could go on for days about those tramps…….!
I can’t believe Brangelina didn’t make the list.
Ohh what about TomKat…for allowing Suri to wear heels and still use a bottle at 4 years old.
I officially put myself on the list for missing the school bus this morning and sending my daughter to school with the sniffles…..she made me!! I can’t help it if she loves school now can I?
Hollywood Farm´s last blog ..Oh Boy, I just Gave My Son A Spock Hair Cut
Damn. You are so much better at this post than I am!!
If your talking to me. Not! I’m learning from you! I ned a copy of blogging for dummies. How do I put your badge on my blog????
Hollywood Farm´s last blog ..Think Of Pablov While Skimming Over That Christmas List.
I’d say you really nailed this… #5 and #6 would also make it to a list of the creepiest parents of all time. Blech!
Melissa´s last blog ..Five Must-Have Shots to Take on Your Next Family Hike
I’d like to nominate the pack of Mom Skanks at the playground wearing their jammies and smoking cigarettes while holding their children.
cristin´s last blog ..Yippee! She’s Talking About Death!
Omg mom skanks is hilarious! Then I guess we should count in the Car Pool Grit Moms who lite up a cig as soon as their kid gets in the car with the windows rolled up!
Heidi Klum – German for yum!
DCUrbanDad´s last blog ..It’s Friday and time for Five Questions With…..
I’m feeling like I belong on this list as I listen to my 15-month-old wail through another failed nap. But at least I don’t have that Flock of Seagulls hair, so I’m still one up on Kate Gosselin.
Country-Fried Mama´s last blog ..Don’t call my baby “juicy,” lady
LOL! I suppose you got that button working then, loving your blog btw.
Okay, but Ryan didn’t REALIZE it was his daughter. ROFL
And Heidi! Oy!
Justine :o )
Justine´s last blog ..A Look Inside
Oh. My. GOSH! This is so funny.
Hitting on your own daughter? No wonder she never married him! So creepy!
Exposing the kids to Kate’s hair?
Pure hatred that Heidi can look like that. How is that possible? Why oh why did got make me round?
Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..3,900 Saturdays
How about Jason Mesnick of the Bachelor? He set a fantastic example for his son about how to meaningfully choose a life partner (I love DeAnna! I mean Melissa! No, make that Molly!), not to mention how seriously he took finding the poor kid a stepmom. Or, as I wrote at the time, “Molly will be a great stepmom! Just look at the way she spent 20 minutes playing kite and splashing in the ocean with you! No prob!”
I also can’t help thinking that Beccah Beushausen, who propagated the whole “April Rose” blog scam somehow deserves a place on this list. She was a true parenting failure: a parent who turned out…not to be one at all.
Yes, totally, Jason was gross, but that April Rose fiasco changed the way I look at blogging. It’s just so easy to fabricate things and people. Good one.
Fathers hitting on their daughters or worse doing stuff? Grossest.People.Ever. They should be thrown in a deep deep hole.
Elisa´s last blog ..Craving: studded boots
OH, I was wondering why Heidi was on there! Everyone else seemed to be a “duh” but her! She is a “FAIL” in that department, isn’t she?
Sara @ domestically Challenged´s last blog ..Again, will I ever learn?
Ha! I love it.
I agree with almost every example on this celebrity or wannabee-celebrity list except for Heidi Klum. She is not human, so that might disqualify her.
And I’d like to add a few of the *Real* Housewives, too.
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..Foodie Friday: No-Fail Brussels Sprouts
Hahaha! This is great. And I TOTALLY agree about Heidi Klum. What a bitch! Who does she think she is lookin’ all hot and sexy and better than me even though I have zero children. She sucks.
Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..What I would tell my unborn child…
HA! Very funny. :)
I’d throw Sarah Palin up there.
It totally cheezed me off that Sarah Palin and Kate Gosslein were nominated to Baba Walters top 10 fascinating people for 2009.
Palin’s a big nasty mess and Kate deserves NOTHING just because of the hair.
ggs_closet´s last blog ..Stimulation Friday
Ha! I love it. And it does make me feel better. Except any pic of Heidi Klum makes me feel worse and want to cry. Do you think her husband sings to her too? Probably. She has all the luck huh?
Those housewives chicks should defintely be added. THEY are some scary mommies!
Great post!
Oh I am with the pack of mom skanks too – it is a little creepy!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Folks, My Belly Ain’t Half Full
Well, I was feeling good about myself until that last one. Thanks a lot!
Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..Holiday Gift Guide-Carolina Pad Stationary Review & GIVEAWAY!
I’d like to add the lunch monitor at my daughter’s first elementary school who sent her son to school with last night’s cold McDonalds Happy Meal and a can of coke several days a week and myself for secretly (and unsuccessfully) trying to dissuade my daughter for making friends with him.
Jennifer June´s last blog ..Open your whore mouth?
I was thinking the other day that I bet Kate Gosselin also hates that hair at this point but her PR people tell her to keep it since it makes people continue to talk about her and thus her ‘fame’ continues. I woulda had to shave my head by now or something…
Good list. I mean ‘bad’ list….
Elaine´s last blog ..PSF – My Plan, Thwarted
yeah – i really AM a great parent!!! and so are you too jill! fun post
scrappysue´s last blog ..the silly season
heidi klum…it’s just not fair. so, to add to the mistakes in my life…i was born in the wrong climate, to parents that ARE NOT royalty and stuck in a short, squat body.
life. not fair.
melissa´s last blog ..Why I Believe The Stork Really Messed Up
I really enjoyed your entry into 2009 in Review. Your list actually made me smile and laugh a bit. I wrote 2009 in Review: 9 Things I learned while planning my wedding. http://fayedodgeszombies.com/2009/12/09/2009-in-review-9-things-i-learned-while-planning-my-wedding/
Have a good night!
Joe Jackson has been recently quoted as saying “my son is worth more in death than he was alive”. I would put that in the better be left unsaid category especially when it comes from the mouth of a parent. Thanks Captain Obvioso. We will also never forget him discussing his new record label in his first interview a day or two after Michael’s passing. Gotta live Joe Jack!
I loved this post, Jill. You found some real doozies! I had to laugh at Heidi – what nerve, eh? And on top of that, she’s smart with huge business empire and a hubby with one of the sexiest singing voices alive. What an absolute bitch :)!
Karen MEG´s last blog ..A Year in the Life of …
Agree with all of your choices, except…Heidi. I’m going to get slammed for this one, but that woman works at it! She eats well and exercises which is actually something I admire as opposed to someone who just gets plastic surgery. I honestly find her to be a bit of an inspiration. (I’m ducking!)
And YES to the Housewives of OC.
I’d also add the Moms in the head-to-toe Juicy Couture at the park completely ignoring their kids while texting, talking on their iPhones or chatting with their friends. ARGH!
Wow, you do not like being a Mom or just horrible at it. Get a life, lady. Stop complaining about stuff that is trivial and talk about how wonderful it is when you first feel your child truly hug you back, or when your child first tells you they love you. There is a special place in hell for mothers who act like you.