Blogger gives “marriage advice,” doesn’t realize the women’s movement happened
“Do you ‘expect’ your husband to help you with household chores? If you do, you won’t have a happy marriage b/c expectations destroy relationships,” begins a now viral post by a wife and mother who’s apparently been frozen in ice for the last 50 years.
“If he helps, great + if not, do your housework cheerfully as unto the Lord,” continues the letter, which has been written on lined paper because clearly no one has told this woman about a new invention called the “computer.” It was born about two decades after the women’s liberation movement, which she also seemed to miss.
“You should also have married him b/c you deeply loved him, wanted to be a great help meet to him + make his life better, not worse + put more burdens upon his shoulders that he already has to carry in providing for his family,” the letter continues.
The 1950’s called. They want their marriage advice back.
Clearly there are people who actually believe this: that a woman’s role is in the home, and a man’s role is to “provide.” But the concept of man as provider and woman as happy, dependent housewife is a harmful stereotype that forces men into an alpha male role they may have no desire to fill. It also causes women to be financially dependent to the point of possibly being trapped if they’re ever in a position where leaving is necessary. And they just may have to do that if they’ve been in a relationship where a man has total control of the finances, because it’s that kind of control that perpetuates a power dynamic that lends itself to abuse.
This kind of thinking is a mess. Let’s not forget the bible was written in a time when women had no voice. This whole “submitting to your husband for the glory of the Lord” is clearly something heavily edited by the men who were charged with putting these words on a page.
But something good has come of this mess: the reactions to her letter:
Never let anyone make you feel like you are failing yourself or your relationship because you yearn for some equality in the home. The archaic idea that women should submit joyfully to their husbands ultimately hurts not only women — but anyone who expects equality in a relationship.
“Make his life as easy and as happy as you can!” she ends her letter.