Judging others on their appearance will get you nowhere
Let’s face it, we’ve all judged someone at one point or another for reasons we recognize and many more we don’t fully comprehend. It rarely has to do with the other person and more often is about something we don’t like, or would like to change, about ourselves. But at some point, you grow up and realize, well, you’re a grown up and no one owes you anything — least of all an explanation about why they choose to dress a certain way.
Stevie Niki, an Australian mom of four who writes about her families adventures at My Tribe of Six, posted a compelling message on Instagram about judgment and what it means to be truly accepting of others.
“The other day someone said to me that I don’t dress like a mum and I shouldn’t wear what I do,” she wrote. “There was even a comment about my clothing not being age appropriate. Did the government roll out and distribute a mum uniform and I missed the memo?”
The other day someone said to me that i dont dress like a mum and i shouldnt wear what i do. There was even a comment about my clothing not being age appropriate. I was wearing this outfit. Umm what.. excuse me? The 1950's just telegramed and they want their out dated views back. Did the governement roll out and distribute a mum uniform and i missed the memo? Did they assign people to enforce and police such dress codes? Shall i go buy an apron too? Since when do I have to dress according to someone elses likes and dislikes? Lastly, i plan to be 80, rocking ripped jeans, tulle trimmed unicorn shirts and rainbow hair. So you can take your "age appropriate" dribble back a few decades. What i choose to look like or wear does not change who i am within. My appearance does not impact my personality. Who i am on the outside does not define who i am on the inside. Your opinions, views and sense of style only reflects you and not anyone else. I will look however i want to look and dress in whatever i want to dress in and still be a Mum. I could have a sex change and i'll still be the mother to my children. Guess what? Good and kind people can have tats, mums can have piercings, caring people can ride motorbikes and wear a patch, poor people can be generous beyond their means and quiet people can be loud. Asthetically pleasing people can be mean, fit looking people can feel insecure, wealthy people can be rude and crass, happy people can be in pain and friendly people can do evil things. Enough with the stereotypes.. theres nothing worse or more ignorant. Think before you speak, get to know someone before you choose to judge someone – better yet, just dont. No one likes a judgey mcjudge face. Shout out to my husband for always capturing my best side 🙄😝 . PS guarentee everyones camera roll is full of photos like this too.. 😂
She went on to say, “Since when do I have to dress according to someone else’s likes and dislikes?” No truer words have ever been spoken. Why should anyone care what people wear? Especially moms. We’re often made to feel like we have to look a certain way because we’re moms, and it’s bullshit.
Niki told Scary Mommy thought she feels like we have made strides in how we treat others and breaking down stereotypes, she hopes her my children will “grow up in a society where stereotyping is frowned upon, everyone is a winner in their own right and there no right or wrong way to be yourself.”
Yesterday we went to the park then the beach. As we were leaving the beach, a little boy with this big grin started to wave to me and then said "My mum was talking about you" i giggled and replied "Oh yeah, what did your mum say?" Because you know – curiosity always gets the better of me and five year olds never hold back. He said that they were talking about my hair and he really liked it. So when we walked passed the mum and her friend i couldn't help myself but say " Your little boy just told me that you guys were talking about me.." we had a laugh, she asked how i done it, said she loved it and told me to work it. Proof that just because someone doesnt look like you, is looking at you and possibly talking about you.. doesnt mean its done in malice. I know the only time i turn to talk about another woman is to tell my husband of girlfriends how stunning i think they are, how much i dig their style or what an awesome job their doing with their kids – or is that weird and just me? Like, do women really check men out? Because i dont.. i feel like the only people i'm checking out is other women and silently singing their praises haha. Note to self, say out loud to these women the compliments i am already silently giving in my head. Can also always count on kids to create awkward moments and hilarious stories.
“What I choose to look like or wear does not change who I am within,” Niki writes. “My appearance does not impact my personality. Who I am on the outside does not define who i am on the inside. Aesthetically pleasing people can be mean, fit looking people can feel insecure, wealthy people can be rude and crass, happy people can be in pain and friendly people can do evil things.”
Its taken me a long time to not care what others think – my whole life basically. Its been a long and slow process. To feel comfortable in my own skin and confident in my own style. To do things because they make me happy and not because i think they will make others happy. I dont do new years resolutions but i do like to set myself small achievable goals. All i want is to be mindful, happy, healthy and content within myself, to love, be loved, and to never look back when im 80 and say "i wish i did that" i never want regrets, only life experiences. Above all, i want all of that for my kids. Its all achievable, i can work on it every day and its not something that will make me overwhelmed and give up or put off. Its not a "i'll start next week" kinda thing. This small stuff will become the big stuff. If i can do this then i can do anything – it rolls into all aspects of life. Sure some days are hard. Some days i will fail. Some days my doubt will over power everything else – but i never want to be over come by the negative and live a life of darkness. By working on it daily for myself, im instilling these values in my kids too. Heres to a new year and the rest of my life to being the best version of me. To being unapologetically myself, without fear of others judgement , to give back and add value to the world around me and empowering my kids to be and do the same. Oh and i coloured my hair… its the start of the small stuff.. my goals. My life of trying things and living with no regrets. Now i look as magic as i feel… im basically a mermaid or a unicorn 🙄🦄
Niki said she believes it is important for women to empower and support one another. “You can admire anothers beauty and personality without them questioning or changing their own,” she said.
“Enough with the stereotypes…there’s nothing worse or more ignorant.”