Bunk Beds Are Evil

202 Comments

There are so many things I wish someone had warned me about before I had children. The fact that my flabby pre-baby stomach would look enviable compared to the mess of stretch marks overtaking it after kids. That I would think nothing of having an OB bring his entire team of interns in to observe my internal exam. That I would never, ever again pee in peace.

But, really there is one that trumps everything else. Why didn’t my mom clue me in? My older cousins? My friends with kids? Did they all think that just because they suffered, I deserved to as well? What kind of conspiracy is this motherhood thing, anyway?

But, I’m not like them. I’ll share with you my knowledge. I’ll share with you what I’ve learned, the hard way. Because that’s just the kind of person I am. And, you deserve to know.

Here goes…

Bunk-Beds

Dear Mothers: Do not, unless there is absolutely no other option under the sun, get your children a bunk bed. You will live to regret it, mark my words. The very first time you make the bed, my post will echo in your brain. I’m not one to gloat I told you so’s, but I will. Skip yourself the agony.

Sure, bunk beds look all cozy and idyllic. Two kids, one bed, sleeping in harmony. Whispering ghost stories late at night, swapping between top and bottom bunk, saving space in a crowded room. It all sounds so perfect. But it’s not. It’s hell.

Changing the top sheet may just kill you. The feeling can only be likened to putting on a pair of Spanx: The huffing, the puffing, the grunting, the heightened blood pressure, the sweating, the cursing. The fact that once you successfully have it in place, the reality hits you that it needs to come off eventually. You live in fear of pee. Instead of limiting your liquid intake, you’ll start limiting your child’s. It’s just not worth it. None of it. Go for the twin beds.

And thank me later.

Comments

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  1. 11

    Paula says

    oh soooo true – i absolutely DETEST making the top bunk – it kills me (and i always feel as if i’m too heavy to be up there and am gonna go crashing through at any minute!)

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    • 12

      Randi says

      I’m always especially scared on the stupid, tiny ladder that feels like it’ll buckle under my weight at any moment. lol, glad to know that I’m not the only one who feels like their surely going to fall through the top bunk at any moment, lol

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  2. 14

    GunDiva says

    It’s not just changing the sheets on the top bunk that’s a danger. Wait ’til you get your hair caught in the springs of the top bunk while changing the bottom bunk.

    Or better yet, wait until the kids figure out how much fun it is to jump off the top bunk or – my all-time favorite – lay across the top bunk, reach under it to grab the supports, and sommersault off of it, landing gently in a seated position on the bottom bunk. Or was it just me – I mean – my kids who have done that?

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  3. 16

    C @ Kid Things says

    We HAVE to have bunk beds in my boys’ room because it’s just so small. But oh I wish we didn’t. Getting up there is the easy part. It’s the getting down that’s hard. And embarrassing. Thank god no one else is usually around except for my 2 youngest, and they’re not old enough to laugh at me yet. What does laugh at me? The warning sticker on the rail “Weight limit on top bunk should not exceed 100 pounds”. Ha! So not only do I hate it, but I also put my life in jeopardy.

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    • 17

      Misfit Mommy @ The Island of Misfit Moms says

      OMG – the weight limit would stop me every time! I think I’d just end up spreading blankets up there ’til it looked like “The Princess and the Pea” then I’d burn the whole thing down.

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  4. 18

    Gwen says

    Hi, my name is Gwen. I made the mistake of buying bunk beds about two years ago. However, I’ve made up for it in a big way. I make my 7 year old, who sleeps on the top, make up his own bed. He complains and tells me what a horrible mother I am. Every single time we change his sheets he tells me I am abusing him. Better than abusing myself.

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    • 21

      Tarina says

      THIS!!!!! Uggh! Our toddler was SO rough on his “toddler bed” that by age 2 it was literally falling apart at a touch. In an attempt to open up some more space in his horribly small room, my husband wanted to get a loft bed for our 3 year old. After pricing them at Ikea, etc, he instead made one that was just a LITTLE bit higher up, so the boy can play under it standing up. Thankfully, he put in a side staircase instead of the crappy ladder thing that comes standard. That said… I cannot use those stairs to get up to the top to make the bed. I also cannot REACH from the floor. I need to use a stepladder to change the sheets, and even then, we have one of those combo mattress/boxspring things so it’s super heavy lol. The 3 yr old is learning how to help mommy tuck the far corners (he feeds it to me through the slats under the mattress and i push it up from under the bed to snug the sheet. SO much work!!

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  5. 23

    Tiffany says

    I can feel your pain. We have TWO bunk beds in our house. One is shared between my 7 and 3 year old. And the one belonging to my 8 year old is a loft bed with the desk and stuff underneath. I can’t even REACH the bed on that one. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking with that one. My only condolence is the fact that I didn’t pay for either one, they were given to us.

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  6. 24

    Amanda says

    My twins have been begging me to turn their beds into bunk beds. We have them as separate twin beds now and have been waiting for them to be old enough to get in and out of the top bunk bed safely. I wonder when my boys will be old enough to change their own sheets…

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  7. 27

    Jen says

    Why on earth as I’m typing this is there an ad for bunk beds in the side bar?!?!
    I made my kids change their own sheets. I tried it a couple of times, but then realized I shouldn’t sweat when changing bed sheets! Besides I don’t get help changing my sheets.

    I finally came to my senses and when we moved across country in February I “lost” the hardware. Then I took the rails to the recycling center and bought new twin beds!!

    Oh, and I still don’t change sheets.

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  8. 28

    Elizabeth says

    Teach your oldest to make the top bunk. My six year old can change the sheet himself, and the almost-three-year-old can take the bottom sheet off. The other secret is to only have a fitted sheet and a duvet/comforter/blanket thing. Keep it simple.

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  9. 30

    Angel says

    I have bunk beds in my boys’ room. I make my husband change the top bunk. He’s 6’5″ and it’s no problem for him. I tell him that his height is one reason I married him. :-)

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    • 31

      mylynn1377 says

      Exactly. Mine is also 6’5″. I just get everything clean after making the 7 year old strip the bed. The husband makes the bed. My life is simpler. If I’m in a hurry my 5 year old knows how to make it with help and he’s a monkey climber.

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  10. 32

    Kelly says

    Bunk beds are the devil. My oldest, 18, makes the top bunk when it needs to be made. It’s seldom used except to store stuffed animals, and cat hair. Now that she’s in college, I don’t know what I’ll do. Time to get a shorter bed, for a shorter girl.

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  11. 33

    Marta says

    Ooooh thank you for telling me! I have two and as I contemplate the third I was naturally inclined to go with bunk beds. I will now strongly reconsider.

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  12. 34

    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) says

    We had bunk beds for my girls for years. Honestly, the only time it was really a pain in the ass was when my oldest (top bunk) got the stomach bug (imagine what comes next) while my husband (who was 6’5″ and could have dealt with it) was out of town. Yeah, you get the picture. It was an unmitigated disaster trying to clean up puke from a top bunk at 2 in the morning.

    OH MY GOD!

    other than that, i didn’t mind so much.

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