Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
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A few weeks ago, Jeff and I went out to a fancy dinner. The restaurant was a nice, new American type place complete with those cute little amuse-bouches and knife things that clean the table between courses.
After we’d been seated for a few minutes, a couple walked in with a young child, probably just over a year. Now, much as I try and be supportive of parents with young kids, there are just some places I don’t want to be seeing them. An over-priced restaurant where I go to escape my children tops the list. Sure, she was cute, but I better not hear a single whine, I thought, as I tried to suppress a scowl.
As the meal went on, my annoyance over them bringing the child to dinner was replaced with outrage that the child was behaving like… a perfect angel. Not that I wanted my meal ruined by a screaming child refusing to eat her asparagus, but that was preferable to the child who made mine seem like wild beasts in comparison. Instead of rolling my eyes at them and glaring at the ruby-red glad girl, I wondered what they’d done to create such a perfectly behaved specimen. The only time I ever would have been able to take my children out to nice dinners is when they were sleeping in their infant carriers. This one was actually eating chicken and brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts, for crying out loud!*
We didn’t hear a single peep all through dinner and passed their table on the way out. So, like any other normal mother, I may have just knocked her chair over to give her something to cry about. You know, just to see if she would.
Well, not really, but I wanted to. So, now I’m abusive to boot. See what happens when you take children to fancy restaurants? Just don’t do it.
* I had no idea that the vegetable was actually “Brussels sprouts.” I’ve been saying “Brussel sprouts” my whole life. The things you learn from spell check. Incidentally, I do like brussels sprouts, especially roasted with some olive oil and salt. But, I digress.
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
BWahh Hah ha!! She was probably sedated. ;) Actually, friends of ours have a great kid that is very at home in nice restaurants but remember, it’s not the norm and there are exceptions to every rule.
Scargosun recently posted..Celebrate Those That Have PassedWith a Picnic
We never go anywhere without kids.. so if we want to eat in a fancy restaurant, kids are coming. But I think the key is that if they are used to eating in places like that since they are young, they know how to behave. And if they are used to eating Brussels sprouts – they will not have a fit if there isn’t a kids menu (with chicken nuggets). But I have no idea how those parents did it with a one year old… mine are 7, 8 and 10, so it’s totally different. Maybe the poor kid was drugged..?
Katja of Skimbaco recently posted..Modern Advent Calendars for Everyone
hmm..i could see bringing one child (specifically my *first* child) but three? ALL three of them? no, thanks. thanks also for the brussels sprouts lesson. who knew?!
I just found out recently that its Brussels spouts as well. As for the child in a fancy restaurant, I think its timing that matters. Anyone showing up at 5pm….that’d kid territory. I, on the other hand, refuse to pay restaurant prices for my children.
Plus, they only had one kid….Entirely different territory than multiple monkeys.
Sarah Trevino recently posted..Repeat offender
For years–in fact, for as long as I’ve known her–my sister would turn into a 90210 extra when we went to restaurants. That’s how dramatic she got when she realized someone had brought a kid to the restaurant. She’d roll her eyes, sigh, and lament that no matter where we went, she ended up sitting next to or back-to-back with the crying kid.
Fastforward to last month, when we were out at a restaurant. My sister, who has been a mother for seven months, looks at the table next to us where a mother is holding her one year old. I expect my sister to erupt, but instead she sighs, full of motherly love, and asks the woman, “How old is that angel?”
And that’s how motherhood converted my sister into someone who’s cool with kids in restaurants.
I have to say, little kids + fine dining generally doesn’t go well. It drives me up the wall when I’m throwing down $30+ a plate and have to endure listening to screaming children.
kadield recently posted..kadield- Apparently this new spambot thinks that Im a modern mom that needs to get fit -shakes fists
I’ve seen these kids in restaurants too and wonder what the *hell* I’m doing wrong with my 2 year old son. He’s fine for about 5 minutes, then all hell tries to bust out of the highchair, and anyone within a 5 foot radius is subject to possible assult by broccoli. I’m surprised you didn’t stop and ask them what their secrete was.
Tara recently posted..Am I a Bad Mama Because!!…
depends on what kind of day my kids are having to what they are like at dinner. We win some we lose some…but if we are going somewhere fancy we find a sitter out of respect for the others who have probably also found sitters (or are old misers that hate kids).
Brussels sprouts? Seriously? What else has my brain got wrong?
I would never take my 3 to a fancy restaurant when they were little. This must have been one mellow mellow kid. Your consolation? She’ll probably be a huge pain to her parents when she turns 14.
threeundertwo recently posted..Makes My Monday- Postcard from a Secret Friend
Sprouts [Brussel or brussels] roasted with caramelized onions will be on the table next Thursday. If I can get the kids to help me cook they might try them? [prob not].
We sometimes did take our kids to nice restaurants for “special” when they were very young. They practiced “outside manners” beforehand by having tea parties in their nursery school.this was something the nursery school teacher instilled in each child in her small school. At tea parties good manners were taught. “Please” and “Thank you” were required. Also instead of saying “I dont like that” or worse, each monster [i mean child] was required to say “It doesn’t appeal to my taste”. All the parents kissed the ground this woman walked on. Our children were not wild animals as we all thought. I believe she had a Miss Manners puppet to help as well. Tea and cookies and small cakes were served. Napkins were put on laps and used. silverware was used. and get this…
napkins were folded when the “tea” was finished. It was the best money every spent as both my now adult sons have better manners than I do [except for Ethan's burping].
P.S. All the kids adored her and didn’t fight her at all. Teas were held weekly and invitations went home requiring nice outfits for teas as well. Teddy bears and dolls were included.
Ohgawd! You probably would’ve wanted in the parking lot to kick my ass had that been me & my children…Bwahahahaha!! Years ago my husband & I took our son to dinner with us, he was 2 @ the time & remember being seated next to a very grouchy mean looking old man & thought that’s why he’s ass is here eating alone(lol). While it turned out he was highly upset because a young couple with a toddler was being sat next to him and I know this because when he got up to leave(after he was finished with his meal)he told me so but complimented us for having such a well behaved child that he enjoyed watching us interact with him!! As a mom that has been ONE of my proudest moments :)
…”ruby-red glad girl”?
Brussels sprouts. huh. Who knew?
I thought were going to tell us how she wreaked havoc on the place. Honestly, my now 11 year old was like that when he was little. I could take him anywhere without any worries.
I thought I was just that good of a parent.
Then his little brother came along and bitch slapped that smirky grin right off my face!
Diane recently posted..A Road Trip
Ah, I thought this was going to go in a completely different direction, and I was going to share a story of when we brought M to a pub-type restaurant and got berated by an old hag next to us who said children don’t belong in restaurant. Grr…
Anyway, it would have bugged me, too. My kids can’t behave at my table for 3 minutes, let alone in a public dining establishment.
How you allow your children to act at the dinner table at home, is how they will act in a restaurant.
We had to teach our kids manners and how to eat in restaurants out of necessity. We don’t have a babysitter, so if we want to go out, kids are coming with us.
This baby sounds awesome though. Her parents are lucky.
Frankly I am so disappointed in this post.
This woman has figured out the secret to compliant children and you didn’t ask her to share the manual/secret Kool Aid recipe?!?
Guess I won’t be taking my food-flinging banshee of a baby out in public anytime soon…
Yuliya recently posted..at the end of the tunnel
Holy Brussels sprouts Batman. What will this 1 yr old eat when it’s older? My kids don’t know what a Brussels sprout is. I wonder what else Brussel makes? As for restaurants when our kids (3)were small, we’ve had wee accidents in high chairs, vomiting in high chairs and spilled drinks; all that normal stuff. We haven’t been to a restaurant in years. Probably not winners in the ‘how to behave in restaurants’ competition.
that post just made me laugh out loud.. literally.. I too despise when people have their children out (really past 7pm) not even just a fancy restaurant, but I also would hate it if that child was acting the polar opposite of what my darling angels would have been like in the same situation. thanks for the laugh!
amy recently posted..Tales of Fear
I hear you on the “wild beast” thing. My husband and I live in fear when we take our 9yo heathens to a fine dining establishment. Once, not long ago, Thing One tasted the cooked carrots (AND WHILE THE HOSTESS WAS STILL NEARBY) she had the audacity to announce that said carrots tasted like a shoe. The INSIDE of a shoe, no less. Oy. Aside from being completely mortified, I was slightly disturbed to learn that she somehow knew what the inside of a shoe tasted like. Gak.
Loved your take on the perfect-baby-in-the-fancy-restaurant thing, by the way. I, too, would have had great difficulty truly enjoying myself throughout the meal…knowing there are children on the planet that are capable of such behavior.
Planet Mom recently posted..Nobody Likes Me- Everybody Hates Me- I Think I’ll Eat Worms
OK. Not to brag or anything, but before #3 going to dinner with the twins was like your resented family table neighbor.
They were always perfect. Then I gave birth to the Tazmanian Devil baby. And I actually had fooled myself into thinking we were doing this parenting thing better than everyone else.
Joke was on us! Long Live Chilis!!!
Jennifer recently posted..November in Bloom
She was probably sedated…that’s all I can come up with!
Kudos for escaping for a little while!
Rebecca recently posted..Daily Moments that Make Me Sweat Likewell- like someone who sweats a lot updated with 4
See, I am a firm believer that the MORE you take your kids out to fancy- adult-type of places early on, the more likely they will learn to behave in such environments.
We take B everywhere… granted, we know that at certain times of the day, she is not her best so we avoid going anywhere during those times.
AND, we stick to a pretty tight schedule for bed time… but anything before 7:30 pm is fair game in my book.
Perhaps they were belgians? We all love brussels sprouts (and our Belgian andive), especially in a mash with little bits of bacon.
I have to agree with some of the people on this, little kids + fine dining doesn’t go well. All the money you spend on a nice meal and then you have to put up with the persons child next to you throwing food and crying!
We take our daughter out a lot, but probably not anywhere more “fancy” than a sushi restaurant. I think it’s a lot easier with one – kids seem to get each other worked up.
b harper recently posted..“Everything Is Healing Nicely”
I dont have children of my own but i do have a brother who is ten years younger than me and he used to be a nightmare to take out, it was so embarrassing! He is 11 now and still doesnt like going out!
Sorry, no fancy restaurants for us. My youngest is almost 5 and we’re just now venturing to breakfast at the diner. Whoo-hoo! Watch out, world! The shackles are coming off!!
I have been bringing my children to restaurants for some time with great success(they are now 10, 14 and 17). I wouldnt bring them to a frou frou place like you mentioned though because if they get out of control, I dont want to ruin my expensive dinner. Diners, pizza places etc are perfect for most kids because the decor is at least interesting. We often start out leaving the house with a warning-”if you embarass us in the restaurant, you will be in sooo much trouble when we get home”. the thing is to bring kids to your rules ASAP. I dont care if they are the only child or 1 of 7-they must follow your rules. Kids that have tantrums, throw food all over or walk around the restaurant-stop it! I wont have it! Anyhow, the kid MUST have been drugged though!
I can totally relate. But my object of fury is neighbor children that come over for a playdate AND HAVE GOOD MANNERS! How dare they make me look like a bad (ok, worse) mom?! They are kind and considerate and clean up after themselves. SOOOO annoying.
http://mothersofbrothersblog.blogspot.com
MOV
MOV recently posted..213 Dream Interrupted
Oh, but I do hate seeing a very well behaved child that is similar in age to my 2 year old in restaurants! I feel like a terrible failure of a mom!
Jill, have you checked out my roasted Brussels sprouts and bacon recipe?!? My extremely picky 3 year old gobbles them up so I know your kids would, too! :)
We used to take our kid to the fancy-schmancy restaurants when he was an infant. However, we had a trick – we would go while he was sleeping and pluck him down in his car seat next to us. It was like he wasn’t even there and we could still enjoy a lovely dinner. Plus, we saved a few bucks on a babysitter. Why pay someone to watch your baby while he sleeps when you can bring him with you?!?
These days, we still bring him to nice restaurants but we plan accordingly. We bring plenty of snacks and small toys or an iPhone (on low volume) to distract him. He is usually very well-behaved but we have been known to leave a few restaurants when he isn’t on his best behavior.
-Aimee
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog recently posted..November 15th- National Philanthropy Day
OH! I must check that out- sounds delish!
I’ll tell you why he was so good: ONLY CHILD. A first and only child is not the same thing as kids with siblings. They’re just not. And one of the advantages of only kids is that their parents are more able to meet their needs quickly in a restaurant without distractions. If you notice your baby needing something, it won’t be delayed because your toddler is banging her spoon or your school aged kid is picking his nose.
tracey recently posted..Feeling Horizontal
Brussels sprouts
Oy, can’t stomach those- they just are awful- but that is a different topic. My kids behave in restaurants.
We have had 100% success in fancy restaurants but that is because the law was laid down before we went. And as someone else mentioned they have been trained to do so.
But if you place them in kid friendly restaurants it is a different story.
Jack recently posted..What Is The Most Challenging Aspect of Blogging
Why haven’t rest. come up with a children section and a non children section?
Don;t hate me. My kids are pretty good at restaurants. But I still don’t take them to nice places and prefer to be amongst all us grown-ups when we do go all facny (like never ;)
And, I said they are good – but not a peep? Maybe they drugged her?
Hope you had a fun grown-up night!
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..Facebook is Aiming for Our Kids and our Conversations
Brussels and Brussel Sprouts are gross. Totally.
I have to say that my children are well behaved at most restaurants, especially when we make it special for them. I remember to pack something to amuse them while we wait for the food also, because I’m smart like that. It wasn’t always like that, but then again, we weren’t going to fine dining restaurants when they were babies either.
Maria @BOREDmommy recently posted..To Procreate or Not To Procreate
Regardless of how you feel about children, they can be behaved. Children do not mean to disruptive.
I was with you 100% on this entire post. I don’t want to see kids in a restaurant when I’m out and I definitely don’t want to be reminded of how horrible my own children are by seeing how good yours are while I’m out, either.
In fact, the whole reason I go out to nice places with my husband is so I can forget that I am a mother at all, just for a few moments!
My kids are horrible in restaurants, actually we are in a stage where they’re horrible together no matter where they are so we just stay home like hermits. I look at families out and about all civilized and I feel that familiar twinge of jealousy.
Mommyfriend Lori recently posted..The Tao of Boys
When my kids were young and my hubby and I along with another couple would go out for dinner….we would tell the hostess specifically not to seat us near any children:) Not that we do not love children, but those were our nights off. We always made attempts to go to places where we thought people would not want to bring kids, but apparently all places are up for grabs these days. Thanks for the smile!
ZippyChix recently posted..Scrapbooking for Beginners
–>We go out to eat every Friday night with our child who will be four tomorrow. (Granted, not a “fancy” restaurant.) If he even hints at not behaving he is asked if “he wants to go to the bathroom” which is code for getting a spanking. Usually, the threat corrects the problem but on at least two occassions, he has been escorted to the bathroom and then came back to be a perfect angel. I’m not a spanking sort of parent (same for my husband) but it also allows enough time to not be angry and to just sort of tap his butt lightly by the time we get there.
~deb
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Taking the Plunge
I didnt even know such “Stepford children” existed. I couldn’t even imagine my 22-month and 3 month old being able to sit still and tolerate restaurant dining without a peep! HA!
We honestly haven’t enjoyed going out to eat (as a family) since my sons were born. In fact, we avoid it at all costs.
I’d love to know what magic fairy dust her parents laced her milk with…. cuz I want to order 2 bottles of it. Pleaes and thank you!
Yakini recently posted..Pink Eye & the Small Guy
My oldest son USED to be an angel when we went out. After his brother was born, we had to reconsider where we went for dinner. Currently pizza joints and and any place with a playground are the only places we trust them.
Lois recently posted..Best Fing birthday present E-VER!
Kids are ALWAYS a wild card. Sometimes they’ll be great out in public, and sometimes they’ll turn into little terror-demons of destruction.
And, I think little girls are more well-behaved than little boys, from what I’ve seen.
Rhea recently posted..10 strep throats- 7 sinus infections- 6 Broken Bones- 3 Sprains and 2 ingrown toenails
HAHA I have 2 little girls and the oldest is most certainly spawned from demons when we are in a restaurant other than Quaker Steak. Quaker Steak is amusing to her because of the silly straws and cars hanging from the ceiling. If there isn’t something to keep her attention disaster will ensue.
I know this may come across mean…but there are just some places that you should not take your children. Fancy restaurants are at the top of the list! There are some things that are just meant for the adults! There is a time and place for everything!
Alicia recently posted..I am dreaming of
I must know that couples secret!
I cannot take my kids out to eat … its never an enjoyable experience.
Corine ComplicatedMama recently posted..I want to be a Zillionaire… so frick’n bad
Completely unrelated comment: Love the revamp, very clean look!
Moderately related comment: haven’t tried taking my kids anywhere fancy yet, but my parents used to take us EVERYWHERE and apparently we behaved. I remember these outings, so no drugs. Will try to get my mother to reveal her secret.
Moomser recently posted..This life
Oooh – is there anything fancier than those little things that clear off tables in fancy restaurants? Why do they not sell those everywhere? Clearly that’s what every home needs to be perfectly clean.
Well, that and a hoity-toity waiter.
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..Writing Letters Is Easier WIth No Sentiments
Wow. Just wow. I can’t take Ari out to eat at all. Who the hell are these people and their child? That is so impressive and I’m extremely jealous.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Happy Thanksgiving! Ari Has Croup!
There’s a restaurant not far from where I live that put up a sign this past year to say “no children allowed.” I guess it got to the point that they were losing customers from out of control kids. I’ve never seen a child out at a nice restaurant so well behaved like the one you wrote about – almost sounds like it was just a lucky night. Not that all kids are terrors but, they usually can’t sit like that for a long time in a restaurant – not in my experience. I think I would have had to interrupt them to just find out if she was always like that. Ah, and thanks for the Brussels Sprouts lesson – never knew – still don’t like them.
Kim recently posted..Paper- Pen and an Old Fashioned Tradition
I would never take my two to a fancy restaurant, I would be too embarrassed. I am glad she was well behaved for you because it really annoys me when other people spoilt a special evening through selfishness.
The thing about brussel sprouts is that when you add the “S” to brussel it’s like too many plurals or something. Even though it’s probably people in Brussels (Brusselians?) grew those random-ass weird things – and who was the first person ever to eat something that looks like it grew on another planet? Probably a kid. Whose mother screamed (in Brusselian) GET THAT CRAP OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND HAVE A NICE POTATO.
My kids eat neither potatoes or brussel sprouts or just about anything else. Weirdos. Little do they know the deliciousness that is a b.sprout roasted in a pan and tossed with bacon bacon bacon. mm mm mm
I’m pretty sure that kid in the restaurant was drugged. Or went home and drew all over the walls in feces (greenish, from eating freaking brussel sprouts). Rest easy.
deborah l quinn recently posted..Re-Entry
So it’s Brussels Sprouts! Wow I just learned something here lol. Well as for bringing my children to a fancy restaurant when they were very young, was very rare as I could not justify the prices that would pay when I am raising children. But when we did have the opportunity to dine at a well to do resturant, it was because I really wanted some alone time with our children’s mother and treat her to a nice dinner. We would normally find a baby sitter or a family member to take care of the children when we went out. Well it is certainly true that children can be well behaved in nice restaurants. And that is so awesome!
I’m sorry I’m not the person to leave comments but today I have to it disturbed me to see ppl saying that if the child was good it had to be drugged up no that is not true I have twins girls and they are 22 months and when I take them out to fancy places or ANYWHERE they know how to act and they are on no type of drugs or anything and I’m not saying there perfect but they know how to act outside I just thinks its how you raise your child and there surrounded