5 Reasons Why Coffee Is Everything – Scary Mommy

5 Reasons Why Coffee Is Everything

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It’s been said that alcohol is liquid courage, and as an avid drinker of whiskey and Cokes, I am not going to dispute that claim. But I would like to make a new one. Well, several actually — about coffee. Because while alcohol may be liquid courage, coffee is way more versatile and does so much more. For example:

1. Coffee is liquid acceptance.

You wake up way too early. You’re tired. You’re grumpy. Your kids need you to put their universe back together because that’s what you do. But first, you pour that first cup. You take that first sip. And as it rolls down into your belly, you breathe a sigh of acceptance about your life. This is it. This is your life. You are a parent. And this waking up too early, making breakfasts, finding matching socks, refereeing sibling arguments is what you do. And while the world looked bleak before that first sip, it’s not all that bad really.

2. Coffee is liquid endurance.

Seven thousand loads of laundry to fold? Drink some coffee to help you do it. Gotta stay up late to help your son with his science fair project? Drink some coffee. A messy house after an epic birthday bash? Put on the coffee. A DVR full of all your favorite shows and the kids are at your mother’s so you can stay up as late as you want binge watching? Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee will make sure you are wide-eyed and ready to kick some ass in all the things you do.

3. Coffee is liquid enthusiasm.

Maybe your toddler is learning to tell knock-knock jokes or your little girl is in the “Watch this, Mommy!” phase or your son has asked you to listen to the speech he’s giving in history class tomorrow on the evolution of paper. Whatever it is your child is dying to tell or show you, coffee can help you act like you’re interested, involved, and actually care.

4. Coffee is liquid survival instincts.

It’s 2 a.m. and your 5-year-old has just come into your room to announce that they’ve puked all over their bed and pillow and most of the house as they attempted to get to the bathroom. While this is a job for love and patience and cuddles, it is also totally a job for coffee. Coffee will help you get through this tough time. Coffee will keep you focused on taking care of your sick kiddo when your body betrays you by yawning and wanting to go back to sleep. Coffee will help you find the remote to put on their favorite show. Coffee will make sure you’re ready to go at 4 a.m. when your other child hurls all over themselves as well.

5. Coffee is liquid creativity.

Trying to figure out a way to organize your pantry? Got some meal planning to do? What about figuring out how to disguise tonight’s leftovers into tomorrow’s lunch even though they didn’t eat it tonight so what’s the point? Then coffee is for you! The stimulants will somehow make your synapses fire in new and different ways, and in a brilliant flash of light, you’ll come up with some off-the-wall solution to all of life’s problems. Coffee is brilliant.

So while I don’t disagree with the premise that alcohol makes one brave and courageous, it can’t hold a candle to coffee. Coffee is the solution to every problem of every day for every man and woman — and maybe even child if your kid is like mine and likes to steal sips when you’re not looking. You can never be too young to start benefitting from the magic that is coffee.